Skip to main content
From Crisis to Connection - with Geoff Steurer

From Crisis to Connection - with Geoff Steurer

By From Crisis to Connection
The goal of healing from sexual betrayal isn't just stopping the crisis. It's ultimately moving into genuine and meaningful connection with ourselves, each other, and the world around us. Join licensed therapist and author Geoff Steurer as he interviews experts and other guests about how to move out of the crisis of sexual betrayal (affairs, sexual addiction, pornography addiction) and toward connection. The information in these interviews transcends religious and cultural lines, as we all seek the same healing power of connection.
Listen on
Where to listen
Apple Podcasts Logo

Apple Podcasts

Breaker Logo

Breaker

Google Podcasts Logo

Google Podcasts

Overcast Logo

Overcast

RadioPublic Logo

RadioPublic

Spotify Logo

Spotify

Currently playing episode

Sponsoring and supporting others in recovery - Thomas 2.0 - Episode 107

From Crisis to Connection - with Geoff Steurer

1x
How to stay optimistic and motivated after a recovery setback - Geoff Steurer - Episode 120
Some call them relapses. Others call them slips. Regardless of what you call it, setbacks in recovery are often a huge source of shame, disappointment, and emotional turmoil. They reopen old wounds, impact trust, and have the potential to generate a lot of hopelessness. The way you respond to your own setbacks in recovery can make all the difference in your progress. In this episode, I respond to a few questions from a man who is working through his own recovery process and was feeling discouraged after a recent setback. Here are the questions: How do you find optimism and emotionally recovery quickly after a relapse? How do you deal with a sexual dream? They happen sometimes and, dang it, it always precedes a difficult day. How do you stay willing when you know your willingness is the only thing saving you from relapse? It gets tough to not worry when not worrying is the only thing saving you. How can I handle emotions of discontent or stress or loneliness when my normal schedule is interrupted by a trip or event? It definitely happens a lot, and I don't want it to be an Achilles heel for me. Download Geoff’s FREE guide to help you quickly end arguments with your spouse: https://www.geoffsteurer.com/3-steps-to-end-your-marriage-argument Connect with Geoff Steurer: www.instagram.com/geoffsteurer/ www.facebook.com/GeoffSteurerMFT Visit http://www.geoffsteurer.com for online courses and other supportive resources. About Geoff Steurer I am a licensed marriage and family therapist, relationship educator, and coach with over 20 years of experience. I am the co-author of, "Love You, Hate the Porn: Healing a Relationship Damaged by Virtual Infidelity", the host of the weekly podcast, "From Crisis to Connection", and have produced workbooks, audio programs, and online courses helping couples and individuals heal from the impact of sexual betrayal, unwanted pornography use, partner betrayal trauma, and rebuilding broken trust. As a leader in the field, I am a frequent contributor on these subjects at national conferences, documentaries, blogs, magazines, and podcasts. I also write a weekly relationship advice column available on my blog. I founded and ran an outpatient sexual addiction and betrayal trauma recovery group program for over 14 years, co-founded and chaired a local conference to educate community members about harmful media, and founded and administered a specialized group therapy practice for over 10 years. I currently maintain a private counseling and coaching practice in beautiful Southern Utah where I live with my wife and children.
31:09
December 3, 2021
Setting boundaries with family during the holidays - Geoff & Jody Steurer - Episode 119
The Holidays are upon us and that means family and friends gathering. This can be something you dread or something you cherish. Either way, it's going to require healthy boundaries if you're going to stay sane! Join me and my wife, Jody, as we answer questions from our listeners on their most challenging holiday boundary questions. My wife, Jody, is the co-host of the podcast, Speak up Sister Podcast listeners can receive a 20% discount on my Trust Building Bootcamp by entering the coupon code: PODCAST20 at checkout. https://www.geoffsteurer.com/trust-building-bootcamp Download Geoff’s FREE guide to help you quickly end arguments with your spouse: https://www.geoffsteurer.com/3-steps-to-end-your-marriage-argument Connect with Geoff Steurer: www.instagram.com/geoffsteurer/ www.facebook.com/GeoffSteurerMFT Visit http://www.geoffsteurer.com for online courses and other supportive resources.
01:16:27
November 18, 2021
Building a shame-free marriage in recovery - Hayden and Savannah Paul - Episode 118
It's possible to build a healthy marriage when recovering from a pornography addiction, but several important things need to be in place. I interview Hayden and Savannah Paul, a couple who are committed to building a shame-free marriage as Hayden works through his addiction recovery. Hayden was transparent about his struggle with pornography early in their dating relationship and has taken charge of his own recovery. If you want to hear what it takes to build a shame-free marriage in recovery, listen to what this couple is doing. Podcast listeners can receive a 20% discount on my Trust Building Bootcamp by entering the coupon code: PODCAST20 at checkout. https://www.geoffsteurer.com/trust-building-bootcamp Download Geoff’s FREE guide to help you quickly end arguments with your spouse: https://www.geoffsteurer.com/3-steps-to-end-your-marriage-argument Connect with Geoff Steurer: www.instagram.com/geoffsteurer/ www.facebook.com/GeoffSteurerMFT Visit http://www.geoffsteurer.com for online courses and other supportive resources. About Hayden and Savannah Hayden and Savannah Paul were married on January 24, 2020. Since then they’ve been living in Sandy, Utah. Hayden and Savannah seek to change the conversation surrounding pornography with a focus on de-shaming the problem so true healing can occur. They host a weekly podcast titled “I Stand at The Door.” It’s geared toward helping parents, youth and church leaders understand and navigate the complicated issue surrounding porn. Hayden personally fought a 10-year battle against this struggle and after learning many lessons has now, for over a year, felt the peace and freedom that comes from the Atonement of Jesus Christ. Savannah is a native of Illinois and a returned missionary from the Las Vegas West mission. She finished her degree in nursing at BYU this past April and gave birth to their baby, Walker, a week later. She loves to sing, play the piano, and watercolor. Hayden grew up in Sandy and served his mission in Budapest, Hungary. He is an infantry rifleman in the United States Marine Corp and currently serves in a reserve capacity with 4th LAR Charlie Company. He loves being a dad and throws their baby around more than Savannah would like. Hayden also works for Operation Underground Railroad, an organization dedicated to the rescue and rehabilitation of children who are in the bonds of sex trafficking. https://www.istandatthedoor.com/
53:42
November 12, 2021
How burnout can make your stronger - Valerie Hamaker - Episode 117
If you're feeling burned out, you're not alone! We're all feeling the effects of the worldwide pandemic, economic uncertainty, political divisions, and family challenges. It's a tough time and many people feel like they're reaching their limit. However, my guest on this episode, Valerie Hamaker, says that burnout is actually an invitation that puts us in contact with our true selves. She teaches that burnout is the perfect opportunity to dig deeper and do life in a better, more supportive way. Come listen as she breaks down how we can do this without feeling the need to do more. Podcast listeners can receive a 20% discount on my Trust Building Bootcamp by entering the coupon code: PODCAST20 at checkout. https://www.geoffsteurer.com/trust-building-bootcamp Download Geoff’s FREE guide to help you quickly end arguments with your spouse: https://www.geoffsteurer.com/3-steps-to-end-your-marriage-argument Connect with Geoff Steurer: www.instagram.com/geoffsteurer/ www.facebook.com/GeoffSteurerMFT Visit http://www.geoffsteurer.com for online courses and other supportive resources. Valerie Hamaker is an individual and couples therapist with special training in trauma recovery, sexual health, depth psychology, and issues of spiritual development. Valerie presents nationally on a variety of topics and most recently has turned her focus to the tackling of issues of burnout from a depth psychology lens. Valerie’s podcast Generation Exhausted is a weekly commentary on the recovery of burnout in marriage, gender roles, parenting, institutional religion, and body image and she has recently launched an online community in her website [www.exhaustedGen.com] where she supports people live in their burnout recovery journey.
57:39
November 4, 2021
How we build trust with others (part 2) - Hank Smith - Episode 116
This is part 2 of my interview with Hank Smith, speaker, author, and professor, who did his doctoral research on building trust in relationships. We dive into the research on what it takes to build trust in our close relationships, especially after trust has been damaged. Hank shares stories, examples, and some really helpful acronyms to help us remember key principles in building trust with others. Make sure to listen to part 1 (episode 115) as well! Podcast listeners can receive a 20% discount on my Trust Building Bootcamp by entering the coupon code: PODCAST20 at checkout. https://www.geoffsteurer.com/trust-building-bootcamp Download Geoff’s FREE guide to help you quickly end arguments with your spouse: https://www.geoffsteurer.com/3-steps-to-end-your-marriage-argument Connect with Geoff Steurer: www.instagram.com/geoffsteurer/ www.facebook.com/GeoffSteurerMFT Visit http://www.geoffsteurer.com for online courses and other supportive resources. About Hank Smith Dr. Henry “Hank” Smith grew up the son of a golf professional in sunny St. George, Utah. After earning a Bachelor’s Degree from Dixie State University, Hank earned a Master’s Degree in Business Administration from Utah State University and a Ph.D. in Educational Leadership from Brigham Young University, where he is an Assistant Professor of Ancient Scripture. Hank enjoys speaking , writing, and podcasting, especially for members of The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints. His weekly podcast followHIM with Hank Smith and John Bytheway is enjoyed by millions across the globe and shares the gospel of Jesus Christ. Hank has also authored many books, talks, and additionally speaks to tens of thousands of youth and adults each year. Hank loves the Utah Jazz, biking, and running. He and his wife Sara are the parents of five adorable children. Podcast: followHIM with Hank Smith and John Bytheway Websites: http://www.hanksmith.com, http://www.followHIM.co (NO M), http://www.hankspeaks.com Instagram: @hanrkrsmith, @followhimpodcast Facebook: hanksmithcds
45:03
October 28, 2021
How we build trust with others (part 1) - Hank Smith - Episode 115
My guest this week is Hank Smith, speaker, author, and professor, who did his doctoral research on building trust in relationships. We dive into the research on what it takes to build trust in our close relationships, especially after trust has been damaged. Hank shares stories, examples, and some really helpful acronyms to help us remember key principles in building trust with others. This is part one of a two-part interview. Stay tuned for the second part of this interview in the following episode. Podcast listeners can receive a 20% discount on my Trust Building Bootcamp by entering the coupon code: PODCAST20 at checkout. https://www.geoffsteurer.com/trust-building-bootcamp Download Geoff’s FREE guide to help you quickly end arguments with your spouse: https://www.geoffsteurer.com/3-steps-to-end-your-marriage-argument  Connect with Geoff Steurer: www.instagram.com/geoffsteurer/  www.facebook.com/GeoffSteurerMFT  Visit http://www.geoffsteurer.com for online courses and other supportive resources. About Hank Smith Dr. Henry “Hank” Smith grew up the son of a golf professional in sunny St. George, Utah. After earning a Bachelor’s Degree from Dixie State University, Hank earned a Master’s Degree in Business Administration from Utah State University and a Ph.D. in Educational Leadership from Brigham Young University, where he is an Assistant Professor of Ancient Scripture. Hank enjoys speaking , writing, and podcasting, especially for members of The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints. His weekly podcast followHIM with Hank Smith and John Bytheway is enjoyed by millions across the globe and shares the gospel of Jesus Christ. Hank has also authored many books, talks, and additionally speaks to tens of thousands of youth and adults each year. Hank loves the Utah Jazz, biking, and running. He and his wife Sara are the parents of five adorable children. Podcast: followHIM with Hank Smith and John Bytheway Websites: http://www.hanksmith.com, http://www.followHIM.co (NO M), http://www.hankspeaks.com Instagram: @hanrkrsmith, @followhimpodcast Facebook: hanksmithcds
46:55
October 21, 2021
Helping children develop their own internal filters - Emily Jones - Episode 114
Use the code GEOFF5 at checkout to receive a $5 discount on the Internal Filter Workshop: https://familytechuniversity.com/ws1-order-form/ Emily Jones, co-founder of Family Tech University, joins me to talk about the need to go beyond external filters and controls with our children's electronics and, instead, help them develop internal filters. Using powerful metaphors and stories, Emily share her own family's journey and the work she and her husband have done over the past several years building a powerful online educational resource to support parents and children. Our children are required to enroll in drivers ed and spent dozens of hours behind the wheel with a trusted adult before they venture off unsupervised. They created the Internal Filter Workshop to give parents powerful tools to help children navigate the powerful world of computers and smartphones. In this episode, we discuss: Why they created Family Tech University The concept of children developing their own internal filters versus only using tech to filter How parents can nurture this in their homes The appropriate balance between using tech and children having their own boundaries The most common questions she gets asked by parents when it comes to tech and families Use the code GEOFF5 at checkout to receive a $5 discount on the Internal Filter Workshop: https://familytechuniversity.com/ws1-order-form/ *This is an affiliate link which helps support this podcast* Download Geoff’s FREE guide to help you quickly end arguments with your spouse: https://www.geoffsteurer.com/3-steps-to-end-your-marriage-argument  Connect with Geoff Steurer: www.instagram.com/geoffsteurer/  www.facebook.com/GeoffSteurerMFT  Visit http://www.geoffsteurer.com for online courses and other supportive resources. About Emily Jones Dave is an IT professional with over 20 years of experience, and an outdoor enthusiast. Emily is passionate about mothering, and a published author. Years ago we began work on a sort of "driver's ed for the smartphone" for our children... a precursor to cell phone ownership. Family Tech University exists to strengthen families, with an emphasis on nurturing a young person's heart. Providing young people with powerful information, skills practice, and the opportunity to develop their OWN heartfelt opinions enables them to choose to be wise, of their own free will. The heart of our message? That heroic parents can nurture the internal filter™ of their children, preparing them to make wise choices with technology when they walk out the door... away from digital filters and parental monitoring. Website: https://familytechuniversity.com/ Instagram: @FamilyTechUniversity: https://www.instagram.com/familytechuniversity/ Facebook: Family Tech University: https://www.facebook.com/FamilyTechUniversity
50:34
October 14, 2021
Essential Truths for Relationships - Dr. Wally Goddard - Episode 113
I bring back Dr. Wally Goddard to the podcast to talk about essential truths for all relationships. Wally has just released a new book called, "Discoveries: Essential Truths for Relationships", where he outlines important principles we can learn from personal experience, research, and scriptures. You can get a copy of Wally's new book HERE Download Geoff’s FREE guide to help you quickly end arguments with your spouse: https://www.geoffsteurer.com/3-steps-to-end-your-marriage-argument  Connect with Geoff Steurer: www.instagram.com/geoffsteurer/  www.facebook.com/GeoffSteurerMFT  Visit http://www.geoffsteurer.com for online courses and other supportive resources. About Wally Goddard Wally Goddard is a retired professor of Family Life having served in Arkansas and Alabama. He developed programs on personal well-being, marriage, and parenting. He is well known for his many creative family programs, including The Marriage Garden, The Parenting Journey, and Blueprint for Happiness. Wally has authored or co-authored several books including Between Parent and Child, The Soft-Spoken Parent, and Drawing Heaven into Your Marriage. He has been recognized by his colleagues with several awards including the Outstanding Family Life Educator Award. Wally and his wife, Nancy, have three adult children, fourteen grandchildren, and have cared for many foster children over the years. Wally describes Nancy as the finest human being he has ever known. For more about the books Wally has written, go to his Amazon author page: www.amazon.com/H-Wallace-Goddard…1566156161&sr=1-2
49:33
October 12, 2021
9 signals it's time to speak up (PART 2) - Jody Steurer and Jamee Adams - Episode 112
I welcome back my wife, Jody, and her sister, Jamee, co-hosts of the popular Speak Up Sister podcast, for the second installment of our interview talking about how we can know it's time to speak up and use our voices. We go through 9 indicators that signal that it's time to speak up about things that matter. In this episode, we cover the second portion of these items. You can download a free copy of these steps on http://www.speakupsister.net Download Geoff’s FREE guide to help you quickly end arguments with your spouse: https://www.geoffsteurer.com/3-steps-to-end-your-marriage-argument Connect with Geoff Steurer: www.instagram.com/geoffsteurer/  www.facebook.com/GeoffSteurerMFT  Visit http://www.geoffsteurer.com for online courses and other supportive resources. About Jody Steurer I’ve always been really interested in human behavior and interaction, so I studied it at Brigham Young University and graduated with a BS in psychology. While my husband, Geoff, and I raised our four lively children (two with neurodevelopment disorders), I stayed up with the latest research on how humans struggle and thrive. Life and my membership in the Church of Jesus Christ taught me how interconnected it all is to our relationship with the Divine. It’s still my favorite topic of conversation and I often get invited to speak about it at church and in the community. I am also a certified life coach, which allows me to support many people in living true to their values and aspirations. About Jamee Adams Like Jody, I have a deep interest in successful human relationships, specifically focusing on recurring patterns and large group applications.  I have a Master’s degree from Tel Aviv University Israel in Public Policy, emphasizing conflict resolution, and currently work with a psychological testing company. I’m married to Jason (a clinical psychologist), I have 4 children, and my heart is planted firmly in the Church of Jesus Christ. Having had difficult experiences learning how to use my voice consistently and effectively, I know how challenging it can be. But speaking up shines a bright light into otherwise dim places, and the more light there is, the more we all can see together.
35:01
September 30, 2021
9 signals that it's time to speak up (part 1) - Jody Steurer and Jamee Adams - Episode 111
I welcome back my wife, Jody, and her sister, Jamee, co-hosts of the popular Speak Up Sister podcast, to talk about how we can know it's time to speak up and use our voices. We go through 9 indicators that signal that it's time to speak up about things that matter. In this episode, we cover the first portion of these items and will cover the remainder in the following episode. You can download a free copy of these steps on http://www.speakupsister.net Download Geoff’s FREE guide to help you quickly end arguments with your spouse: https://www.geoffsteurer.com/3-steps-to-end-your-marriage-argument Connect with Geoff Steurer: www.instagram.com/geoffsteurer/  www.facebook.com/GeoffSteurerMFT  Visit http://www.geoffsteurer.com for online courses and other supportive resources. About Jody Steurer I’ve always been really interested in human behavior and interaction, so I studied it at Brigham Young University and graduated with a BS in psychology. While my husband, Geoff, and I raised our four lively children (two with neurodevelopment disorders), I stayed up with the latest research on how humans struggle and thrive. Life and my membership in the Church of Jesus Christ taught me how interconnected it all is to our relationship with the Divine. It’s still my favorite topic of conversation and I often get invited to speak about it at church and in the community. I am also a certified life coach, which allows me to support many people in living true to their values and aspirations. About Jamee Adams Like Jody, I have a deep interest in successful human relationships, specifically focusing on recurring patterns and large group applications.  I have a Master’s degree from Tel Aviv University Israel in Public Policy, emphasizing conflict resolution, and currently work with a psychological testing company. I’m married to Jason (a clinical psychologist), I have 4 children, and my heart is planted firmly in the Church of Jesus Christ. Having had difficult experiences learning how to use my voice consistently and effectively, I know how challenging it can be. But speaking up shines a bright light into otherwise dim places, and the more light there is, the more we all can see together.
34:22
September 23, 2021
Rebuilding broken trust - Geoff Steurer & Tony Overbay - Episode 110
I was invited to be a guest on Tony Overbay's podcast, The Virtual Couch, to talk about rebuilding broken trust in marriage. I had a great time connecting with Tony, sharing a bit about my journey, and diving into the intricacies of what it takes to rebuild trust when a marriage has been betrayed.  Download Geoff’s FREE guide to help you quickly end arguments with your spouse: https://www.geoffsteurer.com/3-steps-to-end-your-marriage-argument Connect with Geoff Steurer: www.instagram.com/geoffsteurer/ www.facebook.com/GeoffSteurerMFT Visit www.geoffsteurer.com for online courses and other supportive resources. About Tony: Tony Overbay is a licensed Marriage and Family Therapist (CA LMFT#92443), a Certified Mindful Habit Coach (CMHC), and a popular motivational speaker. Tony regularly speaks at corporate training events, schools, and churches in formal and casual settings mixing humor, clinical experience, his Christian faith, and a wealth of personal stories gleaned from years of helping others achieve their goals.  Once a promising baseball prospect (his high school coach once called Tony the “best bad ball hitter he had ever seen!), Tony was run over by a 28-foot dual-prop ski boat shortly after his senior year of high school on a trip with friends to Lake Powell, Utah, both of his legs receiving significant damage from the prop of the boat. Tony still carries the scars from the prop some 30 years later. Tony was told that he would regain the ability to walk, but that he would never be able to run quickly, or for distance, as an adult. The accident halted Tony’s baseball career, but it set him on a path that eventually led him to creating The Path Back. Tony spent 10 years as a software executive traveling the world presenting at conferences and trade shows and eventually started several of his own companies in industries from computer hardware, health and beauty, and nuts and bolts (literally!). https://www.tonyoverbay.com
55:56
September 16, 2021
Why healthy self-talk matters in recovery - Todd Sylvester - Episode 109
Todd Sylvester spent years in the grip of multiple addictions. A significant part of his journey to sobriety and long-term recovery was the realization that the way he saw himself impacted his drive to numb out and escape. In this episode he shares his hard-earned wisdom of how we can improve our self-talk to accelerate and deepen our healing. We discuss: The most common self-talk he hears with people in addiction Why our self-talk is so important Why our self-talk becomes so negative What happens when we change our self-talk How to change our self-talk Download Geoff’s FREE guide to help you quickly end arguments with your spouse: https://www.geoffsteurer.com/3-steps-to-end-your-marriage-argument Connect with Geoff Steurer: Instagram Facebook Visit www.geoffsteurer.com for online courses and other supportive resources. Todd Sylvester Biography Todd Sylvester is the founder of Todd Sylvester Inspires, where he mentors and coaches’ people from all over the world.  As a Mentor & Mindset Coach he has help thousand find joy again in their lives. He also coaches at the greatest university on the planet – Wasatch Recovery! In 1989 he founded the non-profit, anti-drug entity Sly Dog “Drug Free That’s Me, which features a sought-after education program for elementary schools. This program has encouraged over 250K school-age students, emphasizing principles of positive self- talk, personal commitment, goal setting, and character building. Over the past 31 years Todd has discovered and taught universal principles that have empowered thousands to conquer addiction, crush compulsive behaviors and change their limiting belief systems. Todd’s story was recently told through a popular YouTube clip that received over 5 million views and has been translated into 3 languages. Todd has conducted over 1,500 speaking engagements and close to 17,000 individual coaching sessions. Todd is an author of the popular eBook “It’s Time to Start Living” and the #1 Best Seller, “I Am RecoverED”.  He also produces a popular Podcast that he calls a Beliefcast that is ranked #170 in the world in mental health, that features great people doing amazing things. Todd’s Story was also featured in Best Selling Author Simon Sinek’s new book, “Find Your Why”. Today, Todd uses his firsthand fight against addiction to give hope to thousands of teenagers, young adults, and parents with passion and drive. Todd has been married to his sweetheart for 29 years.  They have four children, one granddaughter, and live a happy life together. Websites: www.toddinspires.com  www.beliefcast.com Apple Podcast:  Beliefcast Ranked #170 in the world in Mental Health   https://itunes.apple.com/us/podcast/todd-sylvester-inspires-beliefcast/id1333144561?mt=2 Instagram:  @tsinspires Amazon:  https://www.amazon.com/Am-RecoverED-Simple-Overcoming-Addiction/dp/1513655760/ref=sr_1_3?dchild=1&keywords=I+am+recovered&qid=1612880965&sr=8-3
45:06
September 9, 2021
A mindful way to address addiction and trauma - Jacob Hess - Episode 108
I had the privilege of interviewing one of my favorite thought leaders, Jacob Hess. We talked about one of his specialities, mindfulness, and how we can apply these principles to addiction and trauma. It's a fascinating discussion full of great insights. Specifically, we discuss: His definition of mindfulness How he sees mindfulness improving people's lives How mindfulness can help with addiction, mental health, sexuality, and even faith crises. How mindfulness can help those who have been betrayed or deeply injured How one can begin a mindfulness practice Download Geoff’s FREE guide to help you quickly end arguments with your spouse: https://www.geoffsteurer.com/3-steps-to-end-your-marriage-argument Check out my NEW low-price course on how couples can heal from an affair: https://www.udemy.com/course/healing-from-an-affair-for-the-betrayed-the-unfaithful/ Connect with Geoff Steurer: Instagram Facebook Visit www.geoffsteurer.com for online courses and other supportive resources. Articles by Jacob Hess A Mindful Way Through Faith Crisis A Mindful Way Through Faith Crisis, Part II: Five Heartening Possibilities A Mindful Approach to Sexuality – Part I Misconceptions about Mindfulness and Sexuality – Part II How Mindfulness Can Help Bridge Political Divides About Jacob Hess Jacob teaches Mindfulness-based Stress Reduction and has helped create mindfulness-based classes (Mindweather 101, Lift, Fortify) and the Council for Sustainable Healing. In addition to 14 peer-reviewed articles, Jacob has authored four books: You’re Not  as Crazy as I Thought, But You’re Still Wrong, Once Upon a Time…He Wasn’t Feeling It Anymore and A Third Space: Proposing Another Way Forward in the LGBT/Religious Conservative Impasse & The Power of Stillness:  Mindful Living for Latter-ay Saints. You can learn more about Jacob’s work at unthinkable.cc or contact him at jzhess@gmail.com.
46:32
September 2, 2021
Sponsoring and supporting others in recovery - Thomas 2.0 - Episode 107
I continue my discussion with Thomas from episode 106 where we discuss what it means to sponsor someone in the 12-step program. These principles apply to supporting others as well. Thomas shares what it's been like to be sponsored and what he's doing to support the men he sponsors. This is a great episode if you're wondering how to best support anyone who asks for you help. Specifically, we discuss:  The importance of the 12-step program in his life What it means to "recover by immersion"  The importance of connection with one's higher power during sponsoring and for addicts to recover as well Honoring the need for mentors when there have been deep attachment injuries How 12 steps is not a place to coddle men in their addiction, it is to help men progress Download Geoff’s FREE guide to help you quickly end arguments with your spouse: https://www.geoffsteurer.com/3-steps-to-end-your-marriage-argument Check out my NEW low-price course on how couples can heal from an affair: https://www.udemy.com/course/healing-from-an-affair-for-the-betrayed-the-unfaithful/  Connect with Geoff Steurer: Instagram Facebook Visit www.geoffsteurer.com for online courses and other supportive resources. Links mentioned in the episode https://www.destroytheplague.com https://www.kershisnik.com/kershisnik-home Thomas's life has taken a 180 degree turn since going into recovery from a thirty-year addiction to pornography that started when he was eight years old. His story told in Dark to Light gives hope that it is possible to escape from the dark trap of pornography and live in the light—free from lies, shame, and lust. Thomas hopes that sharing his journey will help others to enter the path of light in order to heal their lives and relationships. Why 2.0?  After beginning recovery Thomas started to feel like a different man. He began to loathe who he had been for thirty plus years.  He really wanted to change—and he was changing. His wife began to feel like she was married to a new man. She was done with Thomas 1.0 and the damage he had caused, and she noticed he was becoming less and less like that old guy. He was becoming Thomas 2.0—a new and better version.
42:59
August 26, 2021
From Dark to Light: One man's recovery from pornography and lust - Thomas 2.0 - Episode 106
After 30 years of addiction to pornography and lust, Thomas began a recovery journey that began five years and continues to this day. In this episode, he shares his story and the recovery principles that are creating healing for himself and his marriage. We discuss:  An overview of his personal recovery and marital healing. What has helped his wife in her healing from betrayal trauma How they are helping others along the way, especially teenagers who struggle Download Geoff’s FREE guide to help you quickly end arguments with your spouse: https://www.geoffsteurer.com/3-steps-to-end-your-marriage-argument Check out my NEW low-price course on how couples can heal from an affair: https://www.udemy.com/course/healing-from-an-affair-for-the-betrayed-the-unfaithful/  Connect with Geoff Steurer: Instagram Facebook Visit www.geoffsteurer.com for online courses and other supportive resources. Links mentioned in the episode https://www.destroytheplague.com https://www.kershisnik.com/kershisnik-home Thomas's life has taken a 180 degree turn since going into recovery from a thirty-year addiction to pornography that started when he was eight years old. His story told in Dark to Light gives hope that it is possible to escape from the dark trap of pornography and live in the light—free from lies, shame, and lust. Thomas hopes that sharing his journey will help others to enter the path of light in order to heal their lives and relationships. Why 2.0?  After beginning recovery Thomas started to feel like a different man. He began to loathe who he had been for thirty plus years.  He really wanted to change—and he was changing. His wife began to feel like she was married to a new man. She was done with Thomas 1.0 and the damage he had caused, and she noticed he was becoming less and less like that old guy. He was becoming Thomas 2.0—a new and better version.
49:19
August 19, 2021
Listening to, learning from, and loving our LGBTQ friends and family - Richard "Papa" Ostler - Episode 105
I invited Richard "Papa" Ostler, host of this podcast "Listen, Learn, and Love" to join me on this podcast to talk about how we can stay connected to our LGBTQ friends and family. We discuss:  What we can specifically do to better support our LGBTQ friends/family What he's learned from listening to so many unique voices/experiences on his podcast What does it mean to be an "ally" How we can view someone who identifies as LGBTQ as more than their sexual activity Why people still have difficulty loving/accepting our LGBTQ friends How to stay out of judgement when listening to stories different from our own How to truly see people who are different than us Connect with Geoff Steurer: Instagram Facebook Visit www.geoffsteurer.com for online courses and other supportive resources. Richard Ostler Bio: Richard H. Ostler, a former YSA bishop, speaks at firesides and conferences about how to more fully embrace LGBTQ Latter-day Saints, see their gifts and contributions, and better understand their unique road. He is the host of the Listen, Learn and Love podcast (listenlearnandlove.org) which provides a platform for Latter-day Saints to share their stores on a number of topics. He is the author of the book Listen Learn and Love:  Embracing LGBTQ Latter-day Saints available at Deseret Book (Deseret Book:  www.deseretbook.com/p/listen-learn-and-love-embracing-lgbtq-latter-day-saints and Amazon (amazon.com/dp/1462135773) He is also the author of two recent Ensign Articles: “How the Savior’s Healing Power Applies to Repenting from Sexual Sin” (August 2020; YSA Digital Only https://www.churchofjesuschrist.org/study/ensign/2020/08/young-adults/how-the-saviors-healing-power-applies-to-repenting-from-sexual-sin) and “7 Tips for Overcoming Pornography Use” (October 2020; page 72, https://www.churchofjesuschrist.org/study/ensign/2020/10/young-adults/7-tips-for-overcoming-pornography-use).  He is deeply committed to The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints and to creating more understanding and support for LGBTQ members—a goal started during his service as a YSA bishop as he learned to set aside past assumptions to better fulfill his stewardship responsibility to meet the spiritual needs of LGBTQ ward members. In addition to serving as a YSA bishop, stake young men’s president, high counselor, and ward mission leader.  He currently services as a temple ordinance worker and Elder Quorum Secretary.  He has BS from the University of Utah and an MBA from Brigham Young University, and is a small business owner. Richard and his wife Sheila live in Salt Lake City, Utah and have six wonderful children, and several grandchildren.
50:13
August 12, 2021
How men can build friendships with other men - Connor Beaton - Episode 104
I had a great interview with Connor Beaton, the founder of Man Talks, to talk about how men can build solid friendships with other men. I also invited one of my sons to join me for this interview. Connor challenged both of us and opened up a great dialogue about how to improve our friendships with other men. In this episode, we discuss: Why men need friendships with other men How male friendships are protective for men's emotional health What healthy relationships with other men look like What prevents men from forming meaningful friendships with other men How we can help our sons and other young men form healthy male friendships What men can do to initiate and maintain healthy friendships with other men Connect with Geoff Steurer: Instagram Facebook Visit www.geoffsteurer.com for online courses and other supportive resources. Bio Meet Connor Beaton, the founder of ManTalks. He was raised to believe that being a man meant you had to follow certain rules. The most notable one is like the first rule of Fight Club: don’t talk about it. For most of his life, he believed all men had the same rule. Shut up and deal with it. Man up. So that’s what he did. Outside, he was successful, funny, and charismatic with a great relationship and rapidly rising career. Inside, he was full of all the pieces he didn’t want to talk about or admit to anyone. Every moment of shame, confusion, and anger urged him to lie and manipulate his way into feeling better. The lies kept growing and eventually, he lost someone very important to him and he couldn’t lie his way out of it this time. To avoid crushing shame, he shut everyone out and ran. One night, while living in the back of his car, his reality hit him like a ton of bricks. Finally, he had hit rock bottom. He tried everything except confronting all the shame, sadness, and anger he felt. And the whole time, he had told nobody. It was then that Connor realized he only had two options: to continue to hide and silently suffer, or shine light into the deepest corners of himself and start talking about it. Over the next few years, he learned to take his trauma, shame, and denial—all the shadowy parts of himself—and integrate them. He spent thousands of hours learning and training. He consulted psychologists, historians, neurologists, and authors. Connor trained for years under mentors and leaders in Jungian psychology, somatic therapy, and holotropic breathwork. He even apprenticed under a disciple of Carl Jung himself. In 2014, Connor founded ManTalks as a grassroots movement to further the cause: giving men the tools and training to create a truly self-led life. https://connorbeaton.com
53:26
August 5, 2021
Improve your life by choosing faith over fear - Richie Norton - Episode 103
Join me as I chat with best selling author, world-renowned business coach, entrepreneur, and all-around happy guy, Richie Norton, about how we can choose faith over fear. Richie's life may seem like it's good vibes all the time (I mean, he does live in Hawaii, after all!), but you'll hear that he has deliberately chosen faith over fear after tragedy and betrayal countless times in his life. We talk about our tendency to gravitate toward fear and ways that we can live in faith. Richie shares powerful personal stories and lessons that will inspire you.  Connect with Geoff Steurer: Instagram Facebook Visit www.geoffsteurer.com for online courses and other supportive resources. Richie's website Bio Richie Norton is the award-winning, bestselling author of the book The Power of Starting Something Stupid (in 10+ languages) and Résumés Are Dead & What to Do About It. In 2019, Richie was named one of the world’s top 100 business coaches by Dr. Marshall Goldsmith. He is an international speaker (including TEDx & Google Startup Grind) & serial entrepreneur. Richie is the host of The Richie Norton Show sharing stories and strategies for successful entrepreneurship, lifestyle and happiness with high-profile business and self-improvement leaders. He is the founder of Global Consulting Circle, creating/scaling business models for venture-backed startups. Richie Norton is the Co-Founder of Prouduct—helping entrepreneurs go from idea to market full service w/ global sourcing & end to end supply chain. Norton founded Edit.Today—a multinational video editing service for vloggers. Millions of entrepreneurial-minded people study Norton’s work & blended learning, modular educational programs (self-directed learning courses, masterminds, podcasts, articles, keynotes, interviews, books, mentoring, university lectures). Executives & celebrities alike seek out Richie to create new value-based products/experiences for their audiences. Richie is featured in Forbes, Businessweek, Entrepreneur, HuffPo, Inc., etc. The 2013 San Francisco Book Festival awarded The Power of Starting Something Stupid first in business & grand prize winner overall. At age 29, Pacific Business News recognized Richie as one of the Top Forty Under 40 “best & brightest young businessmen” in Hawaii. Richie founded a mentor capital org to help end poverty & establish the Willes Center for International Entrepreneurship—where he serves on the Mentor Venture Capital Board at BYU Hawaii. Richie is published in the Journal of Microfinance & is a ChangeAid Award winner for “outstanding accomplishment in international development, international relations, humanitarian aid and academic achievement.” Richie received his MBA from the world’s #1 ranked international business school, Thunderbird School of Global Management. Richie is happily married, has four boys and lives on the North Shore of Oahu, Hawaii.
35:18
July 29, 2021
How to stop enabling others - Geoff Steurer & Valerie Hamaker - Episode 102
Join me and fellow therapist, Valerie Hamaker, as we riff about all things enabling. This episode is a replay of an episode we recorded for her podcast, "Voice About Living" and is the follow up to a previous episode where she interviews a former client about her enabling patterns. In this episode, we discuss: Why do we enable harmful behaviors in our loved ones?  How does this happen?  How can we know that we are enabling?  How does the enabler feel?  And most importantly, how do we stop enabling and heal our relationships from this pattern? This is episode 97 from Valerie's podcast that provides background and context for our interview: https://podcasts.apple.com/us/podcast/voices-about-living/id1474263480?i=1000524513562 Connect with Geoff Steurer: Instagram Facebook Visit www.geoffsteurer.com for online courses and other supportive resources. Listen to Valerie's Podcast: https://podcasts.apple.com/us/podcast/voices-about-living/id1474263480 https://open.spotify.com/show/26D8Ty9ItzpYbbkaMPTxBE?si=OLZtsMgGTNq9M2XvYUD9Mg&nd=1 Valerie Hamaker has a Master’s Degree in counseling from MidAmerica Nazarene University with special training in marriage and family counseling.  She is a Nationally Certified Counselor, a licensed professional counselor in Kansas and a provisionally licensed counselor in Missouri. She is a certified Sexual Addictions Treatment Provider and completing coursework to be a Certified Play Therapist. Valerie is a certified Prepare and Enrich marriage facilitator and has also completed Dave Ramsey’s Financial Coaching Masters Series. She also has a Master’s degree from UMKC and a Bachelor’s Degree from Brigham Young University. Valerie owns and operates her own marriage and family counseling private practice called All About Attachment, LLC. Valerie enjoys working with individuals and couples in all life stages, weaving elements of emotional, spiritual, mental, and relationship wellness into her clinical work.   Valerie has clinical experience working with high risk teens and recently she and her two adolescent daughters launched an anti-bullying campaign sponsored by the popular Discovery Girls Magazine, which they presented to over 500 adolescents in local schools and churches. Valerie enjoys presenting on issues of marriage, family, and faith and has had many opportunities to do so over the past twenty years in professional, academic, community, and ecclesiastical settings.  She is currently engaged in a qualitative research project focusing on the changing nature of intimacy due to the heavy influence of technology and social media.  The most important part of Valerie’s life is her relationship with God and she feels fortunate that her work in counseling allows her to serve God, to be constantly attentive to improving her relationship with her own husband and their four children, and to work closely with those who seek her services.
32:33
July 22, 2021
Responding to sexual offenses - Dr. Stefanie Carnes - Episode 101
In this episode I interview Dr. Stefanie Carnes, an internationally recognized expert on treating sexual addiction and betrayal trauma. We talk about the difficult subject of responding to sexual offenses. Even though sexual addiction is a serious issue, sexual offending directly violates another person and involves illegal activities. Sexual offenses can include behaviors such as eroticized rage, voyeurism of family members, revenge porn, marital rape, touching while asleep/unconscious, exhibitionism, child sexual abuse images, etc. Specifically, we discuss: The difference between addiction and offending behaviors The impact on partners and kids The necessary steps each person needs to take in these situation What the healing journey looks like when there have been significant boundary violations Examples of what long-term healing looks like Resources for both offending and betrayed partners Connect with Geoff Steurer: www.instagram.com/geoffsteurer/ www.facebook.com/GeoffSteurerMFT Visit www.geoffsteurer.com for online courses and other supportive resources. Stefanie Carnes, Ph.D., CSAT-S is the President of the International Institute for Trauma and Addiction Professionals, a training institute and professional organization for addiction professionals, and a senior fellow for Meadows Behavioral Healthcare where she works with sexually addicted clients and their families. Dr. Carnes is the clinical architect for Willow House: Relationship Healing for Women struggling with sex, love and intimacy disorders, and works closely with the staff of Willow House and Gentle Path to bring her unique expertise to the programs and to aid the clients who suffer with intimacy and relationship disorders. She is a licensed marriage and family therapist and an AAMFT approved supervisor. Her area of expertise includes working with patients and families struggling with multiple addictions such as sexual addiction, eating disorders and chemical dependency. Dr. Carnes is also a certified sex addiction therapist and supervisor, specializing in therapy for couples and families struggling with sexual addiction. She presents regularly at conferences at both the state and national levels. She is also the author of numerous publications including her books, Mending a Shattered Heart: A Guide for Partners of Sex Addicts, and Facing Heartbreak: Steps to Recovery for Partners of Sex Addicts, and Facing Addiction: Starting Recovery from Alcohol and Drugs. She currently co-facilitates Module 2 in the Certified Sex Addiction Therapist (CSAT) and Certified Partner Trauma Therapist (CPTT) Training. Websites: Sexhelp.com https://iitap.com  Books: Courageous Love Mending a Shattered Heart Facing Heartbreak
57:18
July 15, 2021
What I've learned after recording 99 episodes - Geoff Steurer - Episode 100
From Crisis to Connection has reached it's 100th episode! Join me as I share a few things I've learned over the past 99 episodes.  Connect with Geoff Steurer: www.instagram.com/geoffsteurer/ www.facebook.com/GeoffSteurerMFT Visit www.geoffsteurer.com for online courses and other supportive resources.
13:21
July 9, 2021
An Inspiring Story of Betrayal, Survival, and Hope - Heidi Tucker - Episode 99
In this episode I interview author of the new book, The Secret Keepers, Heidi Tucker. The Secret Keepers is the true story of a woman, Margi, whose childhood mind captured scenes from her unthinkable abuse, then kept them deep inside as secrets. As Margi searches for answers to frightening memories, we witness her relentless perseverance in uncovering protected secrets to seek understanding and truth. The Secret Keepers will take you on an emotional journey of life as a multiple. Margi’s touching story will both enlighten and uplift as you witness her valiant conquest to reach for faith and hope. It is an unforgettable story that exemplifies love, courage, and triumph over seemingly insurmountable odds. Connect with Geoff Steurer: www.instagram.com/geoffsteurer/ www.facebook.com/GeoffSteurerMFT Visit www.geoffsteurer.com for online courses and other supportive resources. Bio Heidi Tucker is an award-winning author and speaker. Her first two books Finding Hope in the Journey and Servie’s Song have won Book of the Year, Best Inspirational and Best Cover awards. Her new release, The Secret Keepers is now inspiring readers all over the world. Heidi’s gift for writing and speaking about light and hope has inspired thousands. Heidi is known as a great storyteller who believes that every story not only teaches a gospel principle, but can make you feel it. She motivates many to rise up, cling to their faith and position their hearts to recognize God's hand in their life. When Heidi isn't writing her next book or speaking at a conference, you'll find her spending time outdoors with her husband, four grown children and ten grandchildren. She loves sunflowers, hiking and ice cream . . . not necessarily in that order. Website:  HeidiTucker.com
48:12
July 1, 2021
Relational mindfulness - Liz Higgins - Episode 98
We talk about individual mindfulness on a regular basis and my guest on this episode says that it's just as important to extend that mindfulness to our intimate relationships. My guest is Liz Higgins, licensed marriage and family therapist and the host of the Millennial Life Podcast. In this episode, we discuss: The increase in relational anxiety or relational FOMO Why some couples don't feel settled in their relationship The benefits of relational mindfulness How couples can create relational mindfulness How couples can rebuild and choose back in to the relationship Connect with Geoff Steurer: www.instagram.com/geoffsteurer/ www.facebook.com/GeoffSteurerMFT Visit www.geoffsteurer.com for online courses and other supportive resources. Bio: Liz is a Licensed Marriage and Family Therapist, the founder of Millennial Life Counseling in Dallas, TX and the host of The Millennial Life Podcast. She is incredibly passionate about millennials and their journey toward health and wellness...most of all, in their committed relationships. Her writing on relationships has been featured on platforms including Huffington Post, The New York Times, Elite Daily, Today.com, and more. You can learn more about Liz at millennialrelationships.com
45:45
June 24, 2021
The Un-Alone Club - Emi Bass - Episode 97
One of the biggest factors in healing from an addiction is community. Emi Bass is a student at Brigham Young University and wanted to do something to support those struggling with pornography addiction after being directly impacted by it in a former relationship. So, she decided to start a club. COVID hit and the club went to Zoom and has stayed there, as it became a safe place for those who are struggling to find community. Listen as I talk with Emi about her inspiring journey to create a space to share resources, hope, and friendship with those impacted by pornography. In this episode, we discuss: What inspired Emi to start the Un-Alone club The ways the Un-Alone club offers support Her doubts and reservations about starting a club like this The response she's had from club members The impact this has had on her personally Future plans for the club How we can support those who struggle Connect with Geoff Steurer: www.instagram.com/geoffsteurer/ www.facebook.com/GeoffSteurerMFT Visit www.geoffsteurer.com for online courses and other supportive resources. CONTACT  https://www.instagram.com/un.alone.byu/ BIO: Emi Bass is a senior at BYU, studying Classical Civilization. She’s from Tennessee and rock climbs too much. She’s spent the last year working to follow some inspiration that has resulted in the BYU Un-Alone Club, a group where those working to overcome pornography—and those that support them—can come for shame-free connection and helpful resources.
43:32
June 17, 2021
Growing as a couple after betrayal - Seth and Melanie Studley - Episode 96
Couples healing is a long-term process and not only requires individual effort, but also solid guidance on the nuances of how to rebuild trust. My guests are Melanie and Seth Studley, a couple in recovery and podcasters/coaches who help couples find connection in the aftermath of betrayal. In this episodes, we discuss: What a growth mindset in a recovering marriage looks like How to get out our of comfort zones One of the best tools for communication How to improve sex and intimacy and the focus on (connection and pleasure). Connect with Geoff Steurer: www.instagram.com/geoffsteurer/ www.facebook.com/GeoffSteurerMFT Visit www.geoffsteurer.com for online courses and other supportive resources. Bio Seth and Melanie Studley have accomplished a tremendous amount in the short four years they have been podcasting. Their main show, Anatomy of Marriage: Real Help for Real Couples,recently topped over 3 million downloads. They’ve been guests on NBC News, The Love Hour Podcast, The Dad Edge Podcast, and have spoken on multiple stages all acrossthe the country.With the launch of two new shows, Anatomy of Sex and Anatomy of Family, they are poised to be the leading voicein all things relational. Taken from Seth's 15 years of clinical experience and Melanie's no limit approach to relationships, they provide sound and clinical advice with enough candor to relate to anyone https://www.thestudleys.com/aom https://www.thestudleys.com/coaching
43:24
June 10, 2021
Building trust with our children to increase our influence - Emily Christensen - Episode 95
If we want our children to learn from us, they have to trust us. I interview Emily Christensen, a Certified Life Coach, on how we can improve trust with our children to increase our influence in their lives. In this episode, we discuss:  Why trust from our children matters Examples of trust and mistrust with a parent Areas in parenting where having trust really matters Things we do as parents that inadvertently undermine our children's trust in us Specific steps we can follow to begin building trust with our children How can we repair broken trust with our children Connect with Geoff Steurer: www.instagram.com/geoffsteurer/ www.facebook.com/GeoffSteurerMFT Visit www.geoffsteurer.com for online courses and other supportive resources. Bio Emily Christensen is a Certified Life Coach and active member of the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints. She has presented to a variety of church groups, trained church leaders and spoken at BYU Women’s Conference on issues related to pornography. As the daughter of a recovering pornography and sex addict, Emily understands how pornography can impact families. As a coach, Emily specializes in teaching parents the tools they need to protect their children from the compulsive use of pornography. Contact Instagram: @emilychristensencoaching Email: emily@emilychristensencoaching.com
48:44
June 3, 2021
Protecting your marriage in a faith crisis (part 2) - Tony Overbay - Episode 94
This is the continuation of my interview with therapist and fellow podcaster, Tony Overbay, to talk about how couples can stay connected to each other when one partner leaves their shared faith. This is often a transition that is difficult for most couples to navigate, as a departure from the beliefs and values that brought them together can introduce new questions and fears about their future. In this episode, we discuss: How to talk with children and impart values without putting children in the middle How do talk with outside family/friends Healthy examples of navigating the faith journey as a couple Connect with Geoff Steurer: www.instagram.com/geoffsteurer/ www.facebook.com/GeoffSteurerMFT Visit www.geoffsteurer.com for online courses and other supportive resources. About Tony: Tony Overbay is a licensed Marriage and Family Therapist (CA LMFT#92443), a Certified Mindful Habit Coach (CMHC), and a popular motivational speaker. Tony regularly speaks at corporate training events, schools, and churches in formal and casual settings mixing humor, clinical experience, his Christian faith, and a wealth of personal stories gleaned from years of helping others achieve their goals.  Once a promising baseball prospect (his high school coach once called Tony the “best bad ball hitter he had ever seen!), Tony was run over by a 28-foot dual-prop ski boat shortly after his senior year of high school on a trip with friends to Lake Powell, Utah, both of his legs receiving significant damage from the prop of the boat. Tony still carries the scars from the prop some 30 years later. Tony was told that he would regain the ability to walk, but that he would never be able to run quickly, or for distance, as an adult. The accident halted Tony’s baseball career, but it set him on a path that eventually led him to creating The Path Back. Tony spent 10 years as a software executive traveling the world presenting at conferences and trade shows and eventually started several of his own companies in industries from computer hardware, health and beauty, and nuts and bolts (literally!). https://www.tonyoverbay.com Go to tonyoverbay.com/stages to download his stages of faith chart.
46:37
May 27, 2021
Protecting your marriage in a faith crisis (part 1) - Tony Overbay - Episode 93
I'm joined by therapist and fellow podcaster, Tony Overbay, to talk about how couples can stay connected to each other when one partner leaves their shared faith. This is often a transition that is difficult for most couples to navigate, as a departure from the beliefs and values that brought them together can introduce new questions and fears about their future. In this episode, we discuss:  Why it's called a faith crisis Why this is so difficult for couples The first thing couples should know if one of them begins to experience this The healthiest way for the one struggling with their faith to address their change How the other spouse can respond in a healthy way How couples can work together even though they're going different directions.  Connect with Geoff Steurer: www.instagram.com/geoffsteurer/ www.facebook.com/GeoffSteurerMFT Visit www.geoffsteurer.com for online courses and other supportive resources. About Tony: Tony Overbay is a licensed Marriage and Family Therapist (CA LMFT#92443), a Certified Mindful Habit Coach (CMHC), and a popular motivational speaker. Tony regularly speaks at corporate training events, schools, and churches in formal and casual settings mixing humor, clinical experience, his Christian faith, and a wealth of personal stories gleaned from years of helping others achieve their goals. Once a promising baseball prospect (his high school coach once called Tony the “best bad ball hitter he had ever seen!), Tony was run over by a 28-foot dual-prop ski boat shortly after his senior year of high school on a trip with friends to Lake Powell, Utah, both of his legs receiving significant damage from the prop of the boat. Tony still carries the scars from the prop some 30 years later. Tony was told that he would regain the ability to walk, but that he would never be able to run quickly, or for distance, as an adult. The accident halted Tony’s baseball career, but it set him on a path that eventually led him to creating The Path Back. Tony spent 10 years as a software executive traveling the world presenting at conferences and trade shows and eventually started several of his own companies in industries from computer hardware, health and beauty, and nuts and bolts (literally!). https://www.tonyoverbay.com  Go to tonyoverbay.com/stages to download his stages of faith chart.
49:34
May 21, 2021
Creating an intentional life - Kristin Andrus - Episode 92
What can someone who appears to have "arrived" teach us about living intentionally in the face of opposition? My guest on this episode is Kristin Andrus and she says that when we get focused on the destination as our source of happiness, we miss out on the gifts that journey offers us every single day. In this episode we discuss: Why the journey is actually the destination How doing the next right thing is more important than fixating only on the outcome How to influence the culture in your home for good What it means to be intentional in your areas of influence The importance of intentionally taking care of yourself physically (sleep, exercise, eating) The need to watch out for yourself and making sure your needs are met so you can care for others. How can all do something with what we have Follow Kristin in Instagram @kristinandrus  Connect with Geoff Steurer: www.instagram.com/geoffsteurer/ www.facebook.com/GeoffSteurerMFT Visit www.geoffsteurer.com for online courses and other supportive resources. Bio Kristin Andrus is the Chief Culture Officer in her home to six children. She is very involved in teaching classes, creating content, and working with Traeger Grills Culinary partners. She is often featured on Studio 5 cooking segments ranging from weekday dinners to entertaining, and always sharing her tips and tricks around the kitchen. Kristin loves creating workouts on her YouTube channel that get women moving and weight training in the comfort of their own homes. Kristin has shifted from a food blogger on Instagram to sharing more ideas on family, faith, and doing good in the community. Her goal is to provide value and inspiration to women and help them thrive rather than just survive. She is very involved with the Ronald McDonald house, Midvale family shelter, and the Utah Refugee connection. She is a board member of the Hope Squad  working on suicide prevention in Utah schools.
57:41
May 13, 2021
Culture-based attachment shaming - Michelle Mays, LPC, CSAT-S - Episode 91
Do you ever feel guilty for wanting to stay with the person who betrayed you? Do you sometimes feel insecure and clingy in your relationships? This is a struggle for many adults who believe they shouldn't need other people when they're feeling insecure. In this episode, I'm joined by Michelle Mays, LPC, CSAT-S for a discussion on why our attachment needs are not only normal, but essential for our emotional, mental, and physical well-being. In this episode, we discuss: A brief overview of the science of attachment What our culture does to shame and criticize our natural attachments to each other. How this shaming is harmful to our individual and collective wellbeing When dealing with betrayal, how cultural views of attachment make it tough for betrayed partners who choose to stay and work it out The balance between dependency and individuality How we can create balanced support for personal safety while honoring our attachment reflexes. Connect with Geoff Steurer: www.instagram.com/geoffsteurer/ www.facebook.com/GeoffSteurerMFT Visit www.geoffsteurer.com for online courses and other supportive resources. Bio: Founder and Clinical Director of the Center for Relational Recovery located in Northern VA, Michelle Mays LPC, CSAT-S has over 20 years’ experience in providing individual, couples and group therapy to those struggling with sexual addiction, betrayal trauma, childhood trauma and relationship issues. Michelle is the founder of PartnerHope, an online portal offering authentic hope and healing for betrayed partners through information, resources, tools, and connections with one another, subject experts and inspiring pathfinders. Michelle is the also the creator of the Relational Recovery Disclosure Prep Model and provides resources, training and support to therapists to help them deepen their skill set around facilitating disclosures. Michelle is the author of the books The Aftermath of Betrayal and When It All Breaks Bad: Ten Things to Do (and not do) After Betrayal and is the creator of the Relational Recovery Disclosure Prep Manual and Workshop Kit. Michelle is a Certified Sex Addiction Therapist and Supervisor trained under Dr. Patrick Carnes. She is also trained in Post Induction Therapy by Pia Mellody for the treatment of relational trauma and is in the process of completing her certification in Emotionally Focused Therapy for couples. Michelle is a Licensed Professional Counselor and Supervisor in both Virginia and Washington DC. Links and resources: Center for Relational Recovery - www.relationalrecovery.com PartnerHope - www.partnerhope.com PartnerHope blog for betrayed partners - https://partnerhope.com/blog/ Braving Hope: Becoming the Hero of Your Betrayal Story 12-week Online Coaching Program - https://partnerhope.com/braving-hope/ Hope After Betrayal Private Facebook Group for Betrayed Partners -  https://www.facebook.com/groups/hopeafterbetrayal/
38:26
May 5, 2021
Creating space for your emotions - Michelle Mays, LPC, CSAT-S - Episode 90
I welcome Michelle Mays, LPC, CSAT-S to the podcast where we discuss the importance of creating space for our emotions. In this episode, we discuss:  Why emotions matter to our individual and relationship wellbeing Differences between how men and women are socialized to deal with feelings How our family patterns impact the way we deal with emotions Why too much emotion is often viewed as dangerous What we can do with ourselves, our partners, and our families to create more space for feelings How we can gather more support from others for allowing feelings Connect with Geoff Steurer: www.instagram.com/geoffsteurer/ www.facebook.com/GeoffSteurerMFT Visit www.geoffsteurer.com for online courses and other supportive resources. Bio: Founder and Clinical Director of the Center for Relational Recovery located in Northern VA, Michelle Mays LPC, CSAT-S has over 20 years’ experience in providing individual, couples and group therapy to those struggling with sexual addiction, betrayal trauma, childhood trauma and relationship issues. Michelle is the founder of PartnerHope, an online portal offering authentic hope and healing for betrayed partners through information, resources, tools, and connections with one another, subject experts and inspiring pathfinders. Michelle is the also the creator of the Relational Recovery Disclosure Prep Model and provides resources, training and support to therapists to help them deepen their skill set around facilitating disclosures. Michelle is the author of the books The Aftermath of Betrayal and When It All Breaks Bad: Ten Things to Do (and not do) After Betrayal and is the creator of the Relational Recovery Disclosure Prep Manual and Workshop Kit. Michelle is a Certified Sex Addiction Therapist and Supervisor trained under Dr. Patrick Carnes. She is also trained in Post Induction Therapy by Pia Mellody for the treatment of relational trauma and is in the process of completing her certification in Emotionally Focused Therapy for couples. Michelle is a Licensed Professional Counselor and Supervisor in both Virginia and Washington DC. Links and resources: Center for Relational Recovery - www.relationalrecovery.com PartnerHope - www.partnerhope.com PartnerHope blog for betrayed partners - https://partnerhope.com/blog/ Braving Hope: Becoming the Hero of Your Betrayal Story 12-week Online Coaching Program - https://partnerhope.com/braving-hope/ Hope After Betrayal Private Facebook Group for Betrayed Partners -  https://www.facebook.com/groups/hopeafterbetrayal/
37:57
April 29, 2021
Should we have empathy for the betrayer? - KayLee Dunn - Episode 89
In this episode I interview KayLee Dunn, a therapist who specializes in treating betrayal trauma and sexual compulsivity. We discuss the common dynamic of the betraying partner emotionally shutting down in the relationship, which can trigger fears from the betrayed partner that she's being abandoned, manipulated, or abused. For couples to heal, both partners ultimately need to regulate their own emotions as they learn how to share their needs with each other. It's challenging to make room for the betrayer's experience, but necessary for long-term relationship healing.  We discuss the following: Why it's hard to have empathy for the betrayer How the betrayed partner can have compassion without betraying herself The balance of expecting accountability while also inviting understanding of his experience The nature of shame in those who betray Fight/Flight/Freeze responses and shame Why it's hard to see the hurting/fearful/shameful guy "Quiet blame" and the damage it does What to do with a partner who is dysregulated How emotional dysregulation isn't always abuse or narcissism Connect with Geoff Steurer: www.instagram.com/geoffsteurer/ www.facebook.com/GeoffSteurerMFT Visit www.geoffsteurer.com for online courses and other supportive resources. BIO KayLee Dunn has been studying sexual and addiction/compulsivity and betrayal for 14 years and practicing as a therapist for 9 of those years. KayLee has extensive training in Attachment-Focused EMDR, Betrayal Trauma, Sexual Compulsivity, and Emotionally Focused Therapy. She has written articles, books, and podcasts on the topic. KayLee's biggest passion is to help her client heal from past traumas, see the present clearly, and ultimately build betrayal resilience. She currently co-facilitates a weekly free, private betrayal trauma group discussion for women across the world. For more of her work follow her on Instagram or YouTube. solaceemotionalhealth.org/awake kaylee@solaceemotional.com IG: @kayleecdunn https://www.youtube.com/channel/UCdEYwhgdA8ODTWKKltdeLcg https://www.facebook.com/groups/1667836370046685
49:11
April 22, 2021
Trusting yourself after betrayal - Melissa Ruff - Episode 88
In this episode I interview Melissa Ruff from Live Free Wives on the subject of trusting yourself after betrayal. We discuss: Why rebuilding trust with yourself matters What happens when someone is betrayed and why they begin to disconnect from their own sense of reality and truth. How to reclaim your sanity, your identity, and have healthy relationships. Connect with Geoff Steurer: www.instagram.com/geoffsteurer/ www.facebook.com/GeoffSteurerMFT Visit www.geoffsteurer.com for online courses and other supportive resources. About Melissa Ruff   Melissa Ruff is the director for Live Free Wives, a long-time group leader for betrayed women, and is studying to become a Licensed Professional Counselor. She lives with her husband of 13 years and their three wonderful children. m.ruff@livefreewives.org Website: www.livefreewives.org Instagram: @livefreewives
42:55
April 15, 2021
Reclaiming your sexuality - Dr. Jennifer Finlayson-Fife - Episode 87
In this week's episode, I have a discussion with Dr. Jennifer Finlayson-Fife about how to reclaim personal sexuality in recovery from sexual betrayal. This is a confusing topic for those who have sexually betrayed their partner and for those partners who have been sexually betrayed. These are the some of the questions I hear on a regular basis from couples who are working through sexual betrayal: What to we do about sex after betrayal? My own sexuality feels so altered, how do I get it back?  What if I don't want to have sex or be a sexual person? This is an episode for people in all stages of recovery - from early in the healing process or later when you're trying to navigate a new sexual relationship.  In this episodes we discuss: How sexual betrayal impacts individual sexuality for both the unfaithful and the betrayed. What individual and couple factors influence how deeply sexuality is impacted. The steps individual might consider as they begin reclaiming their sexuality. The roadblocks that get in the way of reclaiming personal sexuality in the wake of sexual betrayal. The growth we see as individuals work to reclaim their sexuality. Connect with Geoff Steurer: www.instagram.com/geoffsteurer/ www.facebook.com/GeoffSteurerMFT Visit www.geoffsteurer.com for online courses and other supportive resources. About Dr. Finlayson-Fife Dr. Jennifer Finlayson-Fife is a LDS relationship and sexuality coach as well as a  Licensed Clinical Professional Counselor in the state of Illinois.  She has a Ph.D. in Counseling Psychology. Her teaching and coaching focuses on helping LDS individuals and couples achieve greater satisfaction and passion in their emotional and sexual relationships. In addition to consultation with couples and individuals (in person and online), she teaches online relationship and sexuality courses designed to foster self and sexual development and create happier relationships and individuals.  Dr. Finlayson-Fife also offers many live workshops and retreats for couples and individuals. Jennifer is a frequent guest on LDS-themed podcasts and writes articles for LDS-themed blogs and magazines, on the subjects of sexuality, relationships, mental health and faith. You can learn more about Dr. Jennifer Finlayson-Fife and her courses and workshops by visiting her website www.finlayson-fife.com
48:01
April 8, 2021
How to become more honest (Part 2) - Dr. Mark Matheson - Episode 86
In part 2 of my interview with Dr. Mark Matheson, we continue the discussion on how to be more honest. He shares specific skills we can practice and teach to our families and organizations to improve our honesty. See below for a summary of the skills.  Connect with Geoff Steurer: www.instagram.com/geoffsteurer/ www.facebook.com/GeoffSteurerMFT Visit www.geoffsteurer.com for online courses and other supportive resources. About Dr. Mark Matheson Dr. Matheson has an MBA from Harvard and a doctorate in organizational leadership from UoP. From 2010 to 2019 Brother Matheson taught at BYU-Hawaii and Southern Virginia Universities. Before his retirement,  he has been a partner and senior analyst with three investment banks. He was also an Adjunct Professor for four years and guest lectured at eight other universities. He taught at BYU Education Week for four years, seminary for five years and for the last seventeen years, when he is in Utah, he has served as a volunteer teacher serving the Utah State Prison. He loves to mentor young adults as they face multiple important life decisions. He posts thought-provoking ideas daily under the titles @ScriptureAnalyst and @ConferneceAnalyst, the same on both Instagram or Facebook. Show Notes Three Facilitators of Honesty all starting with “E”: Exemplify Honesty Will your kids highlight your honesty at your funeral? Accept the challenge to correct prior poor honesty modeling. 1)  Practice Self Reminders 2)  Guard Against Rationalizing 3)  Recognize Your Own White Lies 4)  Rehearse Honest Responses Enable Honesty Take down the barriers that keep honesty from thriving. 1)  Avoid Presumptive Honesty – It can happen to your kids 2)  Use One-on-One Interaction. Get them talking privately. 3)  Do Not Abandon Rules and Honesty Enforcement 4)  Disable Economic Motivators for Dishonesty Encourage Honesty Turn around dishonest practices. 1)  Share Information in Openness and Transparency 2)  Understand What to Disclose 3)  Reduce the Fear of Reporting or Confessing Dishonesty 4)  Implement an External Assessment & External Personal Honesty Accountability
41:43
April 2, 2021
How to become more honest (Part 1) - Dr. Mark Matheson - Episode 85
In this episode, I interview Dr. Mark Matheson on the topic of honesty and how we can become more honest in our dealings with other people. Connect with Geoff Steurer: www.instagram.com/geoffsteurer/ www.facebook.com/GeoffSteurerMFT Visit www.geoffsteurer.com for online courses and other supportive resources. Dr. Matheson has an MBA from Harvard and a doctorate in organizational leadership from UoP. From 2010 to 2019 Brother Matheson taught at BYU-Hawaii and Southern Virginia Universities. Before his retirement,  he has been a partner and senior analyst with three investment banks. He was also an Adjunct Professor for four years and guest lectured at eight other universities. He taught at BYU Education Week for four years, seminary for five years and for the last seventeen years, when he is in Utah, he has served as a volunteer teacher serving the Utah State Prison. He loves to mentor young adults as they face multiple important life decisions. He posts thought-provoking ideas daily under the titles @ScriptureAnalyst and @ConferneceAnalyst, the same on both Instagram or Facebook. Five preliminary basic steps in improving honesty: 1) Perceive Dishonesty as a Threat to the Well-Being of Your Family 2) Seek to Understand Why You and/or Your Family has Dishonesty Issues or Events Here are two practices you can do now to analyze your level of honesty: **Conduct an Honesty Inventory for a day or a week- keep a pad and pen with you and see if you can tally how many honesty situations you are in or how many times you lied. **Do a Personal Honesty Assessment   Reflect on your life and see where you have perhaps cut corners now or in the past. 3) Develop a Personal Commitment to Honesty Here are some self evaluation questions I use: Ask: Is honesty for you always a priority or only when someone calls you on it? Ask: Is honesty a proactive core characteristic of the way you conduct your life or is dishonesty the ‘default’ mode? Ask: Are we usually honest mainly when it is not inconvenient ?  Is our internal consistent with our external? 4) As We Develop a Vision of Honesty for Your Family and the World 5) Trust in Positive Outcomes of Honest Behavior --Believe that honesty is the best long term course of action. --Believe that honesty is rewarded in the Long-run; not always in the short-run. -- Honesty skills need to be tested over time and under stress. I Found Two Related Core Traits of Honesty: Sacrifice & Humility 1) Sacrifice to Uphold Honesty Admit mistakes even when it costs something significant. You have to be prepared to walk away from profitable but dishonest dealings. 2) Embrace Humility as a Guard Against Dishonesty Much dishonesty stems from attempts to limit ego damage. We can improve in this by some simple actions: Accepting feedback from others Acknowledging error
45:53
March 25, 2021
Breaking the silence - Creed and Crishelle - Episode 84
In this episode, I'm joined by Creed and Crishelle, both young adults and the hosts of the podcast, "Breaking the Silence", sponsored by Reach 10. We talk about their own stories of breaking the silence around shame, pornography, family struggles, and other sensitive issues, and how others can develop the courage and permission to speak up about their own questions, struggles, and concerns.   Connect with Geoff Steurer: www.instagram.com/geoffsteurer/ www.facebook.com/GeoffSteurerMFT Visit www.geoffsteurer.com for online courses and other supportive resources. Reach 10 website https://reach10.org/ Breaking the Silence Podcast  https://reach10.org/breaking-the-silence-podcast/ Instagram @reach.10     https://www.instagram.com/reach.10/ Facebook  https://www.facebook.com/reachten/
45:36
March 19, 2021
How a group of young adults are changing the conversation around sex and shame - Reach 10 - Episode 83
Today’s young adults in their 20s were born as the Internet was gaining momentum. They’ve never known what it’s like to live life offline. Some have described them as the first digital natives. They also are also the first generation who were able to stream pornographic videos before they even had their first kiss. This cohort of adults have heard the porn lectures since they were teens and many of them know it’s a problem, but the big question of “now what?” leaves many of them without answers. Vauna Davis is my guest today and she noticed that young people needed more resources to help support each other since they were all swimming in the same polluted waters. She was the former executive director for the Utah Coalition Against Pornography and noticed a lack of resources specifically aimed at helping young adults know how to navigate these conversations amongst themselves. At the end of every UCAP conference, the president of UCAP, Pamela Atkinson, would invite the audience to share what they had learned with 10 people. Vauna ran with this invitation and started a non-profit called “Reach 10”. They reach out in two primary ways: We reach out online We create and share resources on our website and social media that help young adults and those who love them talk about pornography in more compassionate and effective ways. We reach out live In our community surrounding Provo, UT, we bring young adults together and train them to speak on this issue, then help them find opportunities to teach. Connect with Geoff Steurer: www.instagram.com/geoffsteurer/ www.facebook.com/GeoffSteurerMFT Visit www.geoffsteurer.com for online courses and other supportive resources. Here are the links for Reach 10 for your podcast episode with me: Reach 10 website https://reach10.org/ Breaking the Silence Podcast  https://reach10.org/breaking-the-silence-podcast/ Instagram @reach.10     https://www.instagram.com/reach.10/ Facebook  https://www.facebook.com/reachten/ Email vauna@reach10.org
56:48
March 11, 2021
How one couple's recovery is helping thousands of people - Steven and Rhyll Croshaw - Episode 82
Episode Description This is part 2 of my interview with Rhyll and Steven Croshaw, founders of the SA Lifeline Foundation, a non-profit dedicated to Recovering Individuals and Healing Families from the effects of sexual addiction and betrayal trauma. Rhyll and Steven share the mission behind the SA Lifeline Foundation and all of the resources they've created to support individuals and families in recovery. They discuss their free SAL 12-step groups and other ways they're supporting people all over the world.  Connect with Geoff Steurer: www.instagram.com/geoffsteurer/ www.facebook.com/GeoffSteurerMFT Visit www.geoffsteurer.com for online courses and other supportive resources. You can connect with SA Lifeline Foundation at: https://salifeline.org You can also attend free 12-step meetings for men struggling with sexual addiction and women impacted by betrayal trauma at: https://sal12step.org Follow SA Lifeline Foundation on Instagram at: @salifelinefoundation
32:52
March 5, 2021
Living in long-term recovery - Rhyll and Steven Croshaw - Episode 81
Episode Description I'm joined today by Rhyll and Steven Croshaw, founders of the SA Lifeline Foundation, a non-profit dedicated to Recovering Individuals and Healing Families from the effects of sexual addiction and betrayal trauma.  Rhyll and Steven share their stories of working through the ongoing daily process of healing from sexual addiction and betrayal trauma.  Connect with Geoff Steurer: www.instagram.com/geoffsteurer/ www.facebook.com/GeoffSteurerMFT Visit www.geoffsteurer.com for online courses and other supportive resources. You can connect with SA Lifeline Foundation at: https://salifeline.org You can also attend free 12-step meetings for men struggling with sexual addiction and women impacted by betrayal trauma at:  https://sal12step.org Follow SA Lifeline Foundation on Instagram at: @salifelinefoundation
36:33
February 26, 2021
Ashlee's story of recovery from pornography - Episode 80
Ashlee joins me to tell her story of becoming hooked on pornography as young girl and making the commitment to overcome her struggle by opening up and reaching out for help.  Connect with Geoff Steurer: www.instagram.com/geoffsteurer/ www.facebook.com/GeoffSteurerMFT Visit www.geoffsteurer.com for online courses and other supportive resources. You can follow Ashlee on Instagram @ashleeayre 
45:43
February 18, 2021
Special episode! The Illuminate Podcast has a new name!
Show Description: After recording over 80 episodes and 100,000+ downloads, I have more clarity about the mission and message of this podcast and decided to update the name of the podcast.  The format and content will stay the same, so if you love what you're hearing....you'll keep hearing more of it! Can't wait to share the new name with you! Connect with Geoff Steurer: www.instagram.com/geoffsteurer/ www.facebook.com/GeoffSteurerMFT Visit www.geoffsteurer.com for online courses and other supportive resources.
09:19
February 7, 2021
Therapeutic Disclosure (part 2) - Geoff Steurer and Healing with WORTH - Episode 79
In this episode, I'm the guest on the second part of the Healing with Worth podcast where I speak about the importance of therapeutic disclosure. Website:  http://healingwithworth.org/ Podcast:  https://anchor.fm/healingwithworth Connect with Geoff Steurer: www.instagram.com/geoffsteurer/ www.facebook.com/GeoffSteurerMFT Visit www.geoffsteurer.com for online courses and other supportive resources.
33:26
February 3, 2021
Therapeutic Disclosure (Part 1) - Geoff Steurer and Healing with WORTH - Episode 78
In this episode, I'm the guest on the Healing with Worth podcast where I speak about the importance of therapeutic disclosure. Connect with Geoff Steurer: www.instagram.com/geoffsteurer/ www.facebook.com/GeoffSteurerMFT Visit www.geoffsteurer.com for online courses and other supportive resources. Website:  http://healingwithworth.org/ Podcast:  https://anchor.fm/healingwithworth
34:13
January 28, 2021
Pep talks to put everything in perspective - Erica Wilcox, LPC - Episode 77
Show description I'm joined by Erica Wilcox, Licensed Professional Counselor, to talk about conversations we can have with ourselves to put things in perspective. She calls these "Pep talks!" She wants to help listeners simplify their day to day problems related to boundaries and relationships with some down to earth, encouraging, and honest pep talks so they can use them to take a "Time out" and then get back into living full lives. Connect with Geoff Steurer: www.instagram.com/geoffsteurer/ www.facebook.com/GeoffSteurerMFT Visit www.geoffsteurer.com for online courses and other supportive resources. Links Erica's clinical practice: wilcoxwellness.com Email: ewilcox@wilcoxwellness.com  Instagram: @ericawilcoxtherapy @wilcoxwellnesstherapy Facebook: Erica Wilcox  For CT EMDR therapists if applicable:  https://www.ctemdrtherapists.com About Erica Wilcox: I consider it both an honor and a privilege to serve as an anchor and guide for hope, health and happiness for the individuals that I work with. I firmly believe in the resiliency of the human spirit to be liberated from emotional pain, end the cycle of unhealthy habits and to find purpose in painful experiences as a means of moving forward. I earned my Bachelor's Degree in Psychology (Fairleigh Dickinson University, Magna Cum Laude) and Master's Degree in Professional Mental Health Counseling  (Central CT State University). I am a Certified EMDR Therapist and EMDRIA Approved Consultant with advanced training in Mindfulness Based Stress Reduction, Traumatic Bereavement, Eating Disorders, Dissociative Disorders, women's trauma recovery, and Cognitive Behavioral Therapy. I  have a particular interest in  the role that movement, music, wellness, and sex/intimacy plays in mental health and trauma recovery. I specialize in the treatment of Post Traumatic Stress Disorder (PTSD), Complex Post Traumatic Stress Disorder (C-PTSD), Anxiety, and Survivors of Intimate Partner Violence. I provide direct feedback and teach evidenced- based strategies to help my clients reach their goals. I do not believe in a “one size fits all” methodology and take a holistic approach to therapy.
46:20
January 20, 2021
EMDR in the real world - Erica Wilcox, LPC - Episode 76
Show summary I'm joined by Erica Wilcox, Licensed Professional Counselor, to talk about the power of EMDR therapy for treating trauma and other mental health concerns. Show highlights: - Normalize and demystify EMDR to help educate and give hope to listeners that may not have otherwise sought it out so that they can heal from hurt - EMDR in a nutshell: How and Why It works - Words people have used to describe how they experience EMDR - Quick Training Summary - Who it Helps - Examples of Obvious Things - Examples of Not So Obvious Things Connect with Geoff Steurer: www.instagram.com/geoffsteurer/ www.facebook.com/GeoffSteurerMFT Visit www.geoffsteurer.com for online courses and other supportive resources. Contact Erica  Erica's clinical practice: wilcoxwellness.com Email: ewilcox@wilcoxwellness.com  Instagram: @ericawilcoxtherapy @wilcoxwellnesstherapy Facebook: Erica Wilcox  Other resources: Emdria.org (for EMDR information and therapist directory) Books:  Getting Past Your Past by Francine Shaprio EMDR: The Breakthrough "Eye Movement" Therapy for Overcoming Anxiety, Stress, and Trauma by Francine Shapiro (little more clinical but terrific)  For CT EMDR therapists if applicable:  https://www.ctemdrtherapists.com About Erica Wilcox: I consider it both an honor and a privilege to serve as an anchor and guide for hope, health and happiness for the individuals that I work with. I firmly believe in the resiliency of the human spirit to be liberated from emotional pain, end the cycle of unhealthy habits and to find purpose in painful experiences as a means of moving forward. I earned my Bachelor's Degree in Psychology (Fairleigh Dickinson University, Magna Cum Laude) and Master's Degree in Professional Mental Health Counseling  (Central CT State University). I am a Certified EMDR Therapist and EMDRIA Approved Consultant with advanced training in Mindfulness Based Stress Reduction, Traumatic Bereavement, Eating Disorders, Dissociative Disorders, women's trauma recovery, and Cognitive Behavioral Therapy. I  have a particular interest in  the role that movement, music, wellness, and sex/intimacy plays in mental health and trauma recovery. I specialize in the treatment of Post Traumatic Stress Disorder (PTSD), Complex Post Traumatic Stress Disorder (C-PTSD), Anxiety, and Survivors of Intimate Partner Violence. I provide direct feedback and teach evidenced- based strategies to help my clients reach their goals. I do not believe in a “one size fits all” methodology and take a holistic approach to therapy.
44:38
January 13, 2021
Transforming fear and conflict in your life - Chad Ford - Episode 75
Episode description: Conflict is a normal part of life, but when there has been a serious betrayal of trust and security, working through that conflict can feel impossible. Sometimes it makes sense to stay in the relationship and sometimes its best to part ways. However, we don't always realize it, but we stay connected to those we struggle with even if we're not talking or interacting anymore. We stay connected with our thoughts about them, our resentments, our avoidance, our anger, our fear, and so on. How can we navigate this conflict and find peace regardless of the outcome of the relationship?  In this episode, I interview author and professor Chad Ford, who is an world-renowned expert in conflict resolution. He recently wrote a book called "Dangerous Love" that opened my eyes on how we can better handle our own internal reactions to conflict so we can find peace and solutions.  Here's what Chad said about the book: "This book is about everything I’ve learned in the last 15 years working as a conflict mediator, professor and researcher trying to understand why I, and others, struggle through conflict and how to solve it. Dangerous Love explains why we struggle with conflict. How we disconnect from the people at the very time we need to be most connected to them. The predictable patterns of justification and conflict escalation that ensue. And most importantly, it gives us a path to let go of fear in the face of conflict." Connect with Geoff Steurer: www.instagram.com/geoffsteurer/ www.facebook.com/GeoffSteurerMFT Visit www.geoffsteurer.com for online courses and other supportive resources. Chad Ford's website: https://dangerouslovebook.com About Chad Ford: After completing a Master’s degree in Conflict Analysis and Resolution from George Mason University and a Juris Doctorate from Georgetown University Law School in 2000, Chad was poised to begin his career as a conflict mediator and facilitator. In 2005 he left his full-time work with ESPN to become the Director of the David O. McKay Center for Intercultural Understanding at BYU-Hawaii. In Hawaii, Chad created a major and certificate program in intercultural peacebuilding, mediation and facilitation. Chad and his wife Amanda, who teaches courses in family conflict transformation and mindfulness, have worked with thousands of students from over 90 countries in the world. Chad’s work has earned him Professor of the Year honors at BYU-Hawaii and made Intercultural Peacebuilding one of the most popular programs on campus. Chad’s work has frequently taken him out of the classroom and into conflict zones around the world. He’s made nearly 50 trips to the Middle East and has worked on numerous other conflicts around the world as both a mediator and a facilitator. Chad has served as a senior consultant, speaker and facilitator for the Arbinger Institute since 2006 — working with governments, NGOs and corporations like Nike and the US Olympic team. He’s also helped Arbinger develop trainings and curriculum on conflict resolution as well as a training guide on reconciliation based on the documentary Beyond Right and Wrong. The book Dangerous Love weaves Chad’s experiences from those five lives into a deeply personal exploration of how we transform fear and conflict. Chad’s work with young people in the classroom, athletes on the basketball court, struggling families in the living room, executives in the boardroom, and divided communities in some of the most challenging conflicts in the world gives him a unique perspective and voice to the conflicts that plague our families, our organizations and the world.
52:10
December 16, 2020
Confronting abuse in marriage - Kimberly Day - Episode 74
In this episode I interview Kimberly Day, LMHCA, about how to better diagnose and confront abuse in marriage. Kim says that when we think of betrayal trauma and really understand the dynamics of a relationship when one partner is addicted to porn or sex, it's important to look at all abuse dynamics to get a complete picture. Abuse is an important and often underappreciated dimension in a multi-dimensional problem. Download the graph that corresponds with this episode (https://geoff-steurer.mykajabi.com/abuse-download?preview_theme_id=3204962) and you'll see that one axis is our typical 'addict-mode' behaviors: acting out, lying, even gaslighting (even though that is abuse), etc.- these are behaviors that rise out of the compulsions to act out, keep it secret, addict-mode thought distortions, etc.  Along this axis is where most all addiction and betrayal trauma is assessed and treated. But there is another dimension that helps us explain and more deeply understand and support a lot of people - that is the dimension of the Abusive Attitudes and Beliefs held by the addicted partner, including entitlement and superiority, out of which abuses of power and control, objectification of family members, and other forms of dehumanizing treatment arise. These are the underlying currents of devaluing and dehumanizing the partner that are the source of a lot of trauma, though they are very rarely fully recognized or addressed. This perspective/model helps us to explain some of the confusion that both practitioners and partners experience when the "acting out" is dealt with, but the treatment toward the partner does not improve. In this episode, we dialogue around what it might look like in each of the four quadrants and how the experience and the sources of trauma and safety/lack of safety may be different in each. We contrast the "Acting out High/Abusive Attitudes Low" quadrant from the "Acting out Low/Abusive Attitudes High"- this type of differentiation is what Kim believes is being missed when we blanket cover all addiction as abuse, or when we ignore so many other forms of abuse and clump them all into addict-mode behavior. Download the chart here: https://www.geoffsteurer.com/episode-74-download Kimberly Day Bio: Kimberly graduated from BYU with a Bachelors in Psychology, served an LDS mission, and then went back to school to earn a Masters Degree from Washington State University in Counseling Psychology in 2007. She loves to read, cuddle with her kiddos, eat ice cream, and trade stock derivatives. Despite her degrees, she took a fairly circuitous route into the professional counseling field. She worked in Higher Education for several years, at University of Idaho for Student Support Services (while earning her degree), and also Washington State and Boise State Universities in Financial Aid. Later she worked at a financial planning firm where she worked mainly with clients around retirement. But, as thrillingly predictable as risk analyses and investment return calculations, she felt the call to come back to her love for counseling and working with people through life’s challenges. Her focus is working with individuals suffering from Betrayal Trauma, or other types of complex relationship traumas. She is action and results focused, and believes strongly in each individual’s innate abilities to move them toward healing and growth. She believes in the importance of establishing positive interpersonal connections, practicing healthy relationship patterns, and in owning your own story and personal empowerment as being critical to healing from traumatic life events. *** This therapist is recognized by the Association of Partners of Sex Addicts Trauma Specialists as being trained in the Multidimensional Partner Trauma Model (M-PTM).
01:36:14
December 10, 2020
The challenge of enjoyment in the age of addiction - Dr. Mark Chamberlain - Episode 73
I interview author and psychologist, Dr. Mark Chamberlain, about our struggle to experience true enjoyment in today's desensitized culture. Screens, abundant food, and other forms of stimulation make it difficult for our nervous systems and bodies to truly enjoy life's little pleasures. It can also be a challenge to enjoy relationships, spirituality, nature, and other joys when we've been dulled by constant overstimulation. Dr. Chamberlain wrote a book called, "Wanting More: The challenge of enjoyment in the age of addiction", that presents a solution for how we can start savoring and enjoying the simple pleasures and joys of life. Purchase "Wanting More" https://amzn.to/3lyfNUs Mark Chamberlain Bio: I love listening to individuals and couples in an effort to enter their world as they see it, and hopefully over time help them rise above the limits of their current perceptions to take a broader perspective and discover previously unseen possibilities. Over the years, I’ve found some specific research-validated relapse-prevention skills to be quite helpful for individuals in the early stages of recovering from addiction. Over the long-term, most clients’ recovery is greatly strengthened by deeper emotional connections in relationships. I use Sue Johnson’s Emotionally Focused Couples Therapy to help couples heal the negative cycles that can sabotage such closeness. The greatest reward comes when they discover that true, deep attachment is “the real deal” that old addictions could never counterfeit. Credentials: • Doctorate Degree in Clinical Psychology • Licensed Psychologist • Trained in Lifespan Integration • Trained in Emotionally Focused Therapy Geoff Steurer has created audio and video courses to help support individuals and couples in marriage, addiction, and betrayal trauma recovery at www.geoffsteurer.com/store. Illuminate listeners can enter promo code: ILLUMINATE at checkout and save 15%.
48:24
December 3, 2020
Healing a marriage damaged by virtual infidelity - Dr. Mark Chamberlain - Episode 72
I was thrilled to have my friend and co-author, Dr. Mark Chamberlain, join me on this episode of the podcast. Mark and I co-authored the book, "Love You, Hate the Porn: Healing a Relationship Damaged by Virtual Infidelity" back in 2011. In this episode we talk about the origin of this book, how it helps couples, and what things we would change if it were reissued today. We also discuss the challenging nature of couples recovery and what couples need to fully heal from the impact of pornography.  You can purchase "Love You. Hate the Porn" HERE  Mark Chamberlain Bio: I love listening to individuals and couples in an effort to enter their world as they see it, and hopefully over time help them rise above the limits of their current perceptions to take a broader perspective and discover previously unseen possibilities. Over the years, I’ve found some specific research-validated relapse-prevention skills to be quite helpful for individuals in the early stages of recovering from addiction. Over the long-term, most clients’ recovery is greatly strengthened by deeper emotional connections in relationships. I use Sue Johnson’s Emotionally Focused Couples Therapy to help couples heal the negative cycles that can sabotage such closeness. The greatest reward comes when they discover that true, deep attachment is “the real deal” that old addictions could never counterfeit. Credentials: • Doctorate Degree in Clinical Psychology • Licensed Psychologist • Trained in Lifespan Integration • Trained in Emotionally Focused Therapy Geoff Steurer has created audio and video courses to help support individuals and couples in marriage, addiction, and betrayal trauma recovery at www.geoffsteurer.com/store. Illuminate listeners can enter promo code: ILLUMINATE at checkout and save 15%.
52:33
November 20, 2020
Compassion in marriage after betrayal - Dr. Wally Goddard - Episode 71
Betrayed partners are understandably terrified to offer forgiveness and compassion to their unfaithful spouse. They've often already offered the benefit of the doubt, forgiveness, understanding, and compassion over years when they were being lied to and manipulated. So, the idea of extending this back to their partner doesn't feel safe. I join my dear friend and mentor, Dr. Wally Goddard, to talk about how we can first feel compassion from Jesus Christ in our own lives as a way to begin offering compassion in our marriage in the wake of betrayal. Dr. Goddard frames the discussion on compassion through the story of the Good Samaritan from the teachings of Jesus Christ found in the Bible.  Wally Goddard is a retired professor of Family Life having served in Arkansas and Alabama. He developed programs on personal well-being, marriage, and parenting. He is well known for his many creative family programs, including The Marriage Garden, The Parenting Journey, and Blueprint for Happiness. Wally has authored or co-authored several books including Between Parent and Child, The Soft-Spoken Parent, and Drawing Heaven into Your Marriage. He has been recognized by his colleagues with several awards including the Outstanding Family Life Educator Award. Wally and his wife, Nancy, have three adult children, fourteen grandchildren, and have cared for many foster children over the years. Wally describes Nancy as the finest human being he has ever known. For more about the books Wally has written, go to his Amazon author page: www.amazon.com/H-Wallace-Goddard…1566156161&sr=1-2 Geoff Steurer has created audio and video courses to help support individuals and couples in marriage, addiction, and betrayal trauma recovery at www.geoffsteurer.com/store. Illuminate listeners can enter promo code: ILLUMINATE at checkout and save 15%.
45:17
November 5, 2020
Your Blueprint for Happiness - Dr. Wally Goddard - Episode 70
I join my dear friend and mentor, Dr. Wally Goddard, to talk about his blueprint for happiness. He describes five ways we can increase our own personal happiness regardless of what might be going on around us. You can download a copy of "Your Blueprint for Happiness" here: https://www.uaex.edu/publications/pdf/FCS813.pdf Wally Goddard is a retired professor of Family Life having served in Arkansas and Alabama. He developed programs on personal well-being, marriage, and parenting. He is well known for his many creative family programs, including The Marriage Garden, The Parenting Journey, and Blueprint for Happiness. Wally has authored or co-authored several books including Between Parent and Child, The Soft-Spoken Parent, and Drawing Heaven into Your Marriage. He has been recognized by his colleagues with several awards including the Outstanding Family Life Educator Award. Wally and his wife, Nancy, have three adult children, fourteen grandchildren, and have cared for many foster children over the years. Wally describes Nancy as the finest human being he has ever known. For more about the books Wally has written, go to his Amazon author page: https://www.amazon.com/H-Wallace-Goddard/e/B001H6ND5A?ref=sr_ntt_srch_lnk_2&qid=1566156161&sr=1-2 Geoff Steurer has created audio and video courses to help support individuals and couples in marriage, addiction, and betrayal trauma recovery at www.geoffsteurer.com/store. Illuminate listeners can enter promo code: ILLUMINATE at checkout and save 15%.
51:12
October 22, 2020
Staying safe after betrayal - Dr. Jill Manning - Episode 69
Dr. Jill Manning joins me in this episode to talk about how betrayed partners can stay safe in their relationship in the aftermath of sexual betrayal. She introduces her safety checklist and guide to help support betrayed partner (available with the link below).  You can find Dr. Manning and her digital downloads at: drjillmanning.com/digital-downloads/ Dr. Jill Manning is a Licensed Marriage and Family Therapist, a Certified Clinical Partner Specialist (CCPS), a Certified Clinical Trauma Professional (CCTP), and a Board Certified TeleMental Health Provider (BC-TMH) who specializes in working with individuals impacted by sexual addiction, pornography or betrayal trauma in their primary relationship. In addition to her clinical work, Dr. Manning is a researcher, author, consultant, professional speaker and activist whose passion and dedication to combating sexual exploitation and obscenity is evident throughout her diverse body of work. Dr. Manning currently serves on the Board of Directors for Enough is Enough, a non-profit organization dedicated to making the Internet safer for children and families. Between 2016 and 2018, Dr. Manning served on the Board of Directors for the Association of Partners of Sex Addicts Trauma Specialists (APSATS). In addition to her volunteer work, Dr. Manning is committed to giving a portion of her annual practice income to charitable causes that strive to prevent or combat some of the very issues she treats. Enough is Enough and Operation Underground Railroad are two of the organizations Dr. Manning supports. She encourages others who are passionate about fighting obscenity and defending human dignity to consider donating as well. Geoff Steurer has created audio and video courses to help support individuals and couples in marriage, addiction, and betrayal trauma recovery at www.geoffsteurer.com/store. Illuminate listeners can enter promo code: ILLUMINATE at checkout and save 15%.
32:19
October 7, 2020
Self-care for betrayal trauma - Dr. Jill Manning - Episode 68
Dr. Jill Manning joins me in this episode to talk about self-care for betrayed partners. She emphasizes the need to care for yourself physically, mentally, socially, and spiritually while healing from the impact of partner betrayal trauma.  You can find Dr. Manning and her digital downloads at: https://drjillmanning.com/digital-downloads/ Dr. Jill Manning is a Licensed Marriage and Family Therapist, a Certified Clinical Partner Specialist (CCPS), a Certified Clinical Trauma Professional (CCTP), and a Board Certified TeleMental Health Provider (BC-TMH) who specializes in working with individuals impacted by sexual addiction, pornography or betrayal trauma in their primary relationship.   In addition to her clinical work, Dr. Manning is a researcher, author, consultant, professional speaker and activist whose passion and dedication to combating sexual exploitation and obscenity is evident throughout her diverse body of work.   Dr. Manning currently serves on the Board of Directors for Enough is Enough, a non-profit organization dedicated to making the Internet safer for children and families. Between 2016 and 2018, Dr. Manning served on the Board of Directors for the Association of Partners of Sex Addicts Trauma Specialists (APSATS).    In addition to her volunteer work, Dr. Manning is committed to giving a portion of her annual practice income to charitable causes that strive to prevent or combat some of the very issues she treats. Enough is Enough and Operation Underground Railroad are two of the organizations Dr. Manning supports. She encourages others who are passionate about fighting obscenity and defending human dignity to consider donating as well. Geoff Steurer has created audio and video courses to help support individuals and couples in marriage, addiction, and betrayal trauma recovery at www.geoffsteurer.com/store. Illuminate listeners can enter promo code: ILLUMINATE at checkout and save 15%.
51:18
September 24, 2020
Discover and use your voice - Jody Steurer and Jamee Adams - Episode 67
Both men and women have the desire to be heard and feel part of an organization. As the world feels more divided, it’s essential to understand how to find unity. Learn more from my wife Jody and her sister Jamee as they share their experiences with their podcast Your Place at the Table (**UPDATE** Their podcast is now called "Speak up Sister"). They discuss how to find unity with those who are marginalized and how to hear and help them. They also share how to understand anger while having authenticity in expressing emotions. Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/speakupsisterpodcast/ Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/SpeakUpSisterPodcast Website: https://speakupsister.net Geoff Steurer has created audio and video courses to help support individuals and couples in marriage, addiction, and betrayal trauma recovery at www.geoffsteurer.com/store. Illuminate listeners can enter promo code: ILLUMINATE at checkout and save 15%.
54:37
September 9, 2020
Part Two - 20 Keys to Healthy Sex - Laura Brotherson - Episode 66
Join me as I continue my interview with certified sex therapist, Laura Brotherson, as she discusses keys to healthy sexual intimacy. We usually talk about unhealthy sex and the forbidden especially when it comes to healing from pornography and sexual addiction. Even though focusing on sex won't fix a pornography or sexual addiction, couples who are working solid individual recoveries need good information so they can learn how to create healthy sex in their marriages. In this second episode of my two-part interview with her, we discuss: * The "Characteristics of healthy vs. unhealthy sex” chart (items 11-20) Handout - Characteristics of Healthy and Unhealthy Sexuality - https://maritalintimacyinst.com/wp-content/uploads/Characteristics-of-Healthy-and-Unhealthy-Sexuality-Raising-the-Bar.pdf Book – Knowing HER Intimately: 12 Keys for Creating a Sextraordinary Marriage - https://www.strengtheningmarriage.com/product/knowing-intimately-12-keys-creating-sextraordinary-marriage-softcover/ Book – From Honeymoon to Happily Ever After: 23 Keys to Prepare for a Sextraordinary Marriage (newest book)- https://www.strengtheningmarriage.com/product/honeymoon-happily-after-23-keys-prepare-sextraordinary-marriage/ Book – And They Were Not Ashamed: Strengthening Marriage through Sexual Fulfillment - https://www.strengtheningmarriage.com/product/and-they-were-not-ashamed-softcover/ Handout – Knowing HER Intimately (OVERVIEW) – 12 Essential Ingredients for a Sextraordinary Marriage - https://maritalintimacyinst.com/wp-content/uploads/12-Essential-Ingredients-for-a-Sextraordinary-Marriage.pdf Handout - First Steps for Him & Her in Creating a Sextraordinary Marriage - https://maritalintimacyinst.com/wp-content/uploads/First-Steps-Her-Him-Developing-Sextraordinary-Marriage-FINAL.pdf Handout – Spiritual Surrender (7 Steps) – How to Do Spiritual Surrender - https://maritalintimacyinst.com/wp-content/uploads/how-to-do-spiritual-surrender-7-steps.pdf Handout - "ACES" Diagram (Bridling or Embracing Sexuality) -- How She Can Want To - https://maritalintimacyinst.com/wp-content/uploads/ACES-i-want-you-sex-diagram.pdf Handout - Fuel for Female Sexual Desire – How Women Get in the Mood (rocket diagram) - https://maritalintimacyinst.com/wp-content/uploads/Fuel-female-sexual-desire-Brotherson.pdf Website - StrengtheningMarriage.com Website - MaritalIntimacyInstitute.com (client handouts/resources) Laura’s Podcast – The Marital Intimacy Show - https://www.strengtheningmarriage.com/podcasts/ Laura’s Social Media Instagram - https://www.instagram.com/strengtheningmarriage/ Facebook -https://www.facebook.com/StrengtheningMarriage/ Geoff Steurer has created audio and video courses to help support individuals and couples in marriage, addiction, and betrayal trauma recovery at www.geoffsteurer.com/store. Illuminate listeners can enter promo code: ILLUMINATE at checkout and save 15%.
40:49
August 27, 2020
20 Keys to Healthy Sex - Laura Brotherson - Episode 65
We usually talk about unhealthy sex and the forbidden especially when it comes to healing from pornography and sexual addiction. Even though focusing on sex won't fix a pornography or sexual addiction, couples who are working solid individual recoveries need good information so they can learn how to create healthy sex in their marriages. Join me as I interview sex expert Laura Brotherson, licensed marriage and family therapist and certified sex therapist, as we discuss 20 keys to health sex.  In this first episode of my two-part interview with her, we discuss:  * Why pornography is a sexual mis-educator for both men AND women  * The "Characteristics of healthy vs. unhealthy sex” chart (items 1-10) Handout - Characteristics of Healthy and Unhealthy Sexuality - https://maritalintimacyinst.com/wp-content/uploads/Characteristics-of-Healthy-and-Unhealthy-Sexuality-Raising-the-Bar.pdf Book – Knowing HER Intimately: 12 Keys for Creating a Sextraordinary Marriage - https://www.strengtheningmarriage.com/product/knowing-intimately-12-keys-creating-sextraordinary-marriage-softcover/ Book – From Honeymoon to Happily Ever After: 23 Keys to Prepare for a Sextraordinary Marriage (newest book)- https://www.strengtheningmarriage.com/product/honeymoon-happily-after-23-keys-prepare-sextraordinary-marriage/ Book – And They Were Not Ashamed: Strengthening Marriage through Sexual Fulfillment - https://www.strengtheningmarriage.com/product/and-they-were-not-ashamed-softcover/ Handout – Knowing HER Intimately (OVERVIEW) – 12 Essential Ingredients for a Sextraordinary Marriage - https://maritalintimacyinst.com/wp-content/uploads/12-Essential-Ingredients-for-a-Sextraordinary-Marriage.pdf Handout - First Steps for Him & Her in Creating a Sextraordinary Marriage - https://maritalintimacyinst.com/wp-content/uploads/First-Steps-Her-Him-Developing-Sextraordinary-Marriage-FINAL.pdf Handout – Spiritual Surrender (7 Steps) – How to Do Spiritual Surrender - https://maritalintimacyinst.com/wp-content/uploads/how-to-do-spiritual-surrender-7-steps.pdf Handout - "ACES" Diagram (Bridling or Embracing Sexuality) -- How She Can Want To - https://maritalintimacyinst.com/wp-content/uploads/ACES-i-want-you-sex-diagram.pdf Handout - Fuel for Female Sexual Desire – How Women Get in the Mood (rocket diagram) - https://maritalintimacyinst.com/wp-content/uploads/Fuel-female-sexual-desire-Brotherson.pdf Website - StrengtheningMarriage.com Website - MaritalIntimacyInstitute.com (client handouts/resources) Laura’s Podcast – The Marital Intimacy Show - https://www.strengtheningmarriage.com/podcasts/ Laura’s Social Media Instagram - https://www.instagram.com/strengtheningmarriage/ Facebook -https://www.facebook.com/StrengtheningMarriage/ Geoff Steurer has created audio and video courses to help support individuals and couples in marriage, addiction, and betrayal trauma recovery at www.geoffsteurer.com/store. Illuminate listeners can enter promo code: ILLUMINATE at checkout and save 15%.
01:04:53
August 13, 2020
How to improve your body image - Amy Harman - Episode 64
Amy Harman, Licensed Marriage and Family Therapist, shares some practical ways you can improve your body image right now. This episode is packed with actionable strategies you can use to help improve your relationship with your body.  Amy just released her new book, "Perfectly Imperfect: Compassionate Strategies to Cultivate a Positive Body Image" that you can purchase here: www.amazon.com/dp/1646116720 Amy Harman is a Licensed Marriage and Family Therapist and Certified Eating Disorder Specialist and has been treating clients since 2004. She was born and raised in Utah and graduated from Utah State University. She moved to the DC area two years ago where she is in private practice. She's passionate about helping people improve their body image and enjoys speaking to communities and professionals, and is working on a book about body image that will be out in August. She is a happy wife and mother of three boys. In her free time she enjoys reading, dancing, and watching fireflies. Learn more at www.reflectwholenesstherapy.com and follow her on Instagram at @amylharman Geoff Steurer has created audio and video courses to help support individuals and couples in marriage, addiction, and betrayal trauma recovery at www.geoffsteurer.com/store. Illuminate listeners can enter promo code: ILLUMINATE at checkout and save 15%.
40:47
July 29, 2020
Making Peace with your Body - Amy Harman, LMFT - Episode 63
I interview Amy Harman, LMFT about the challenge of making peace with our bodies in a body-obsessed and pornified culture. In this interview, we cover: - The definition of good body image - How poor body image really isn't about our bodies - How poor body image impacts men and women - How we develop poor body image - The first steps to changing poor body image - What we really learn about ourselves when we address our body image issues.  Amy just released her new book, "Perfectly Imperfect: Compassionate Strategies to Cultivate a Positive Body Image" that you can purchase here: https://www.amazon.com/dp/1646116720 Amy Harman is a Licensed Marriage and Family Therapist and Certified Eating Disorder Specialist and has been treating clients since 2004. She was born and raised in Utah and graduated from Utah State University.  She moved to the DC area two years ago where she is in private practice.  She's passionate about helping people improve their body image and enjoys speaking to communities and professionals, and is working on a book about body image that will be out in August.  She is a happy wife and mother of three boys.  In her free time she enjoys reading, dancing, and watching fireflies.  Learn more at www.reflectwholenesstherapy.com and follow her on Instagram at @amylharman Geoff Steurer has created audio and video courses to help support individuals and couples in marriage, addiction, and betrayal trauma recovery at www.geoffsteurer.com/store. Illuminate listeners can enter promo code: ILLUMINATE at checkout and save 15%.
41:00
July 15, 2020
Peaceful co-parenting after divorce - Jessica, Matt, and Steve - Episode 62
I continue my interview with Jessica, Matt, and Steve from the podcast, "Husband in-law", where they get specific about how they've created a peaceful post-divorce co-parenting relationship. They are all committed to showing up in this co-parenting relationship to put their daughter first by building respectful relationships with each other. Some of the areas we cover in this episode include: - How to slow down before becoming reactive when the other parent does something you don't understand. - Why communication is key - The importance of extending trust to each other - How to stay respectful - Replacing blame and judgment with understanding - Speaking to each other instead of speaking through your kid - Staying proactive in your co-parenting relationship. Bio:  Steve and Jessica were happily married for 7 years until Steve came out as being gay which inevitably ended in divorce. Now, Matt and Jessica have been happily married for 6 years.  Now the three of them have a co-parenting relationship and friendship that, by most standards, would be considered atypical. Sharing stories of love, marriage, children, divorce, the struggles of religious norms, homosexuality, and trying to be our best selves, they hold nothing back and share what most people are scared to talk about. Listen in as they take you on this journey of learning how to love and accept themselves enough to love and accept others for who they are during this experience called “Life”. Links: Social Media www.instagram.com/husband_in_law/ Apple Podcasts: podcasts.apple.com/us/podcast/husb…aw/id1464470280 Jessica's Book and Journal: linktr.ee/theboldlogic Geoff Steurer has created audio and video courses to help support individuals and couples in marriage, addiction, and betrayal trauma recovery at www.geoffsteurer.com/store. Illuminate listeners can enter promo code: ILLUMINATE at checkout and save 15%.
39:34
June 25, 2020
Creating a healthy post-divorce relationship with your Ex - Jessica, Matt, and Steve (from Husband-in-Law) - Episode 61
Steve and Jessica were happily married for seven years until Steve came out as gay which inevitably ended in divorce. Now, Matt and Jessica have been happily married for six years.  Now the three of them have a co-parenting relationship and friendship that, by most standards, would be considered atypical. Sharing stories of love, marriage, children, divorce, the struggles of religious norms, homosexuality, and trying to be our best selves, they hold nothing back and share what most people are scared to talk about. Listen in as they take you on this journey of learning how to love and accept themselves enough to love and accept others for who they are during this experience called “Life”.  Links: Social Media https://www.instagram.com/husband_in_law/ Apple Podcasts: https://podcasts.apple.com/us/podcast/husband-in-law/id1464470280 Jessica's Book and Journal: https://linktr.ee/theboldlogic Geoff Steurer has created audio and video courses to help support individuals and couples in marriage, addiction, and betrayal trauma recovery at www.geoffsteurer.com/store. Illuminate listeners can enter promo code: ILLUMINATE at checkout and save 15%.
40:36
June 18, 2020
The problem with idealizing motherhood and glorifying self-neglect - Dr. Julie Hanks - Episode 60
I interview Dr. Julie Hanks, Licensed Clinical Social Worker, author, and assistant professor at Utah Valley University on the topic of why idealizing motherhood can be harmful to women's mental and emotional health. Specifically, we discuss: - Why our culture idealizes mothers. - How how idealizing motherhood can be harmful to women's mental health. - The difference between "role and relationship". - Why betrayed women feel shame that they're not available for their children and how idealizing motherhood adds unnecessary pressure.  - How betrayed women deal with the shame of not being best their self while healing from trauma. - How women can challenge the glorification of self- neglect, especially when resources are low.  www.drjuliehanks.com Julie de Azevedo Hanks, PhD, LCSW is a licensed clinical social worker and psychotherapist with 28 years experience specializing in women’s emotional health and relationships. She is an assistant professor of social work at Utah Valley University. Dr. Hanks is the founder and director of Wasatch Family Therapy, an outpatient therapy clinic in Cottonwood Heights and Bountiful, UT. She is author of The Burnout Cure and The Assertiveness Guide for Women, a blogger, a local and national media contributor, an online influencer, a private practice consultant, and an award-winning performing songwriter. A native Californian, Hanks currently lives in Sandy, UT. For additional resources visit DrJulieHanks.com or connect with @drjuliehanks on social media. The Illuminate Podcast is hosted by Geoff Steurer, MS, LMFT. Geoff has also created audio and video courses to help support individuals and couples in marriage, addiction, and betrayal trauma recovery at www.geoffsteurer.com/store. Illuminate listeners can enter promo code: ILLUMINATE at checkout and save 15%.
29:30
June 7, 2020
Assertiveness for Betrayed Women - Dr. Julie Hanks - Episode 59
I interview Dr. Julie Hanks, Licensed Clinical Social Worker, author, and assistant professor at Utah Valley University on the topic of helping betrayed women become more assertive with their needs. Specifically, we discuss: - Why betrayed women need skills to protect themselves from harm, manipulation, and abuse. - How assertiveness isn't the same as aggression.  - Why assertiveness is difficult for women.  - Why assertiveness can make life more peaceful.  - What to do if other people can't or won't hear your voice and needs. - Three approaches to assertiveness and which one is more effective.  - Ways to begin practicing assertiveness.  http://www.drjuliehanks.com Julie de Azevedo Hanks, PhD, LCSW is a licensed clinical social worker and psychotherapist with 28 years experience specializing in women’s emotional health and relationships. She is an assistant professor of social work at Utah Valley University. Dr. Hanks is the founder and director of Wasatch Family Therapy, an outpatient therapy clinic in Cottonwood Heights and Bountiful, UT. She is author of The Burnout Cure and The Assertiveness Guide for Women, a blogger, a local and national media contributor, an online influencer, a private practice consultant, and an award-winning performing songwriter.  A native Californian, Hanks currently lives in Sandy, UT. For additional resources visit DrJulieHanks.com or connect with @drjuliehanks on social media. The Illuminate Podcast is hosted by Geoff Steurer, MS, LMFT. Geoff has also created audio and video courses to help support individuals and couples in marriage, addiction, and betrayal trauma recovery at www.geoffsteurer.com/store. Illuminate listeners can enter promo code: ILLUMINATE at checkout and save 15%. 
34:40
May 21, 2020
When missionaries struggle with pornography - Rick Thompson, LCSW - Episode 58
I interview Rick Thompson, Licensed Clinical Social Worker, on how to help full-time missionaries for the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints who struggle with pornography issues. These missionaries aren't immune to the temptations and struggles of pornography, yet, they often suffer in shame and silence because of their calling as representatives of Jesus Christ to preach His gospel. In this podcast, Rick talks about ways to support missionaries who are preparing to serve, those serving, and those who come home with struggles. Resources: 1.  Addressing Pornography: https://www.churchofjesuschrist.org/addressing-pornography?lang=eng 2.  Book about emotionally preparing for a mission: “Serve Strong but Stay Sane Book” by Gary Taylor, Ph.D: http://www.servestrongbutstaysane.com/ 3. Book about healthy sexuality: “A Better Way to Teach Kids about Sex”: https://deseretbook.com/p/a-better-way-to-teach-kids-about-sex?variant_id=151579-paperback 4.  Adjusting to Missionary Life: https://www.churchofjesuschrist.org/bc/content/ldsorg/languages/AdjustingMissLife_Booklet_6-7-13.pdf 5.  “Preparing Emotionally for Missionary Service,” Elder Robert K. Wagstaff  https://www.lds.org/ensign/2011/03/preparing-emotionally-for-missionaryservice?lang=eng 6.  Resilience SPIRITUAL ARMOR FOR TODAY’S YOUTH:  https://media.ldscdn.org/pdf/magazines/ensign-september-2019/18209-09-020-resilience-spiritual-armor-for-todays-youth-eng.pdf?lang=eng 7. “This work is rigorous. It demands strength and vitality. It demands mental sharpness and capacity. … Missionary work is not a rite of passage in the Church. It is a call extended  by the President of the Church to those who are worthy and able to accomplish it. …Good physical and mental health is vital. …There are parents who say, ‘If only we can get Johnny on a mission, then the Lord will bless him with health.’ It seems not to work  out that way. Rather, whatever ailment or physical or mental shortcoming a missionary has when he comes into the field only becomes aggravated under the stress of the work.We simply must face up to the facts. President Gordon B. Hinckley speaks about physical and emotional challenges missionaries may have before serving missions. First Worldwide Leadership Training Meeting, January 11, 2003 Segment 1 (1:05) About Rick Rick Thompson is Utah Licensed Clinical Social Worker and has been working in the mental health field since 1997. After graduating from Ricks College in 1998, he received his Bachelors of Social Work degree from Brigham Young University-Hawaii in 2001, and received his Masters degree in Social Work from Boise State University in 2003. Rick did his training at LDS Family Services in Boise, Idaho while going through graduate school. Rick has been doing individual, marriage, group, and family counseling since 2003 with children, teens, and adults. He has worked with youth in group homes, detention centers, drug and alcohol rehabilitation centers, and residential programs. Rick has treated individuals with emotional and behavioral issues including depression, anxiety, anger, PTSD, self-mutilation, sexual abuse, drug and alcohol abuse, sexual addictions, and family problems. Rick and his family moved to St. George from Boise, Idaho in 2016 so Rick could work for LDS Family Services. Rick has been serving as Bishop in his ward since 2018 and enjoys seeing people make changes spiritually as well as personally. He married his best friend and beautiful wife Michelle in 2000 and they have three amazing children together. **Geoff Steurer has also created audio and video courses to help support individuals and couples in marriage, addiction, and betrayal trauma recovery at www.geoffsteurer.com/store
38:25
May 6, 2020
How women can heal from relationship abandonment - Gaelyn Rae Emerson - Episode 57
SALE - All of my online relationship courses are on sale for 50% off during the month of April 2020. This includes the 12-week Trust Building Bootcamp for those who want to rebuild broken trust in their relationship. Go to www.lovingmarriage.com and visit the online courses section to see the selection. At checkout, enter the code: COVIDHALF to receive 50% off your purchase. Gaelyn Rae Emerson joins me to talk about the impact of abandonment on women dealing with betrayal trauma from pornography and sexual addiction. She outlines a method she uses to help women move toward healing when they've been abandoned. In this episode:  - She defines the term “sexual abandonment”. - She describes the role pornography plays in this concept of sexual abandonment. - She talks about the framework she uses to help her clients engage their grief with self-compassion? - She shares why it's critical that women grieve and mourn this pain of sexual abandonment and why is it so scary to do so.  You can learn more about her method at: http://womeneverafter.com/swirl/ Gaelyn Rae Emerson works full-time as a betrayal trauma recovery coach, with advanced training in couples relationships, divorce recovery, problematic sexual behavior and sex addiction induced trauma. Within this field, she combines 16 years of personal and professional experience, “down in the trenches” with other women, reeling and healing together from the impact of sexual betrayal. You can reach Gaelyn at: http://womeneverafter.com Training: Certified Professional Life Coach, Impact Coaching Academy (CPLC) Certified Couples Relationship Coach, Impact Coaching Academy (CCRC) Certified Divorce Recovery Coach, Impact Coaching Academy (CDRC) Associate Certified Coach, International Coach Federation (ICF-ACC) Certified Partners Coach, Association of Partners of Sex Addicts Trauma Specialists (APSATS-CPC) The Illuminate Podcast is hosted by Geoff Steurer, MS, LMFT. Please donate to support the Illuminate Podcast: anchor.fm/illuminate-podcast/support. Geoff has also created audio and video courses to help support individuals and couples in marriage, addiction, and betrayal trauma recovery at www.geoffsteurer.com/store
35:03
April 23, 2020
Staying resilient when your husband relapses - Gaelyn Rae Emerson - Episode 56
SALE - All of my online relationship courses are on sale for 50% off during the month of April 2020. This includes the 12-week Trust Building Bootcamp for those who want to rebuild broken trust in their relationship. Go to www.lovingmarriage.com and visit the online courses section to see the selection. At checkout, enter the code: COVIDHALF to receive 50% off your purchase. The uncertainty of a potential relapse often leaves betrayed women anxious and tense. They wonder when the next betrayal will happen and how they'll respond. Even though there is no way to predict the future, my guest in this episode, Gaelyn Rae Emerson, says that women can prepare themselves and develop resilience in the face of future relapses, regardless of what happens to their relationship. In this episode we discuss:  - The definition of relapse preparedness and what caused her to start thinking about relapse preparedness.  - Some of the feelings women commonly express in the aftermath of a relapse. - What she says to women who worry that “preparing” for a relapse is giving him permission to do it.   - Mistakes women sometimes make when approaching the idea of relapse preparedness.  - What to do when thinking about a relapse triggers anxiety and trauma.  - Who benefits most from Relapse Preparedness Planning? Gaelyn Rae Emerson works full-time as a betrayal trauma recovery coach, with advanced training in couples relationships, divorce recovery, problematic sexual behavior and sex addiction induced trauma. Within this field, she combines 16 years of personal and professional experience, “down in the trenches” with other women, reeling and healing together from the impact of sexual betrayal. You can reach Gaelyn at: http://womeneverafter.com Training: Certified Professional Life Coach, Impact Coaching Academy (CPLC) Certified Couples Relationship Coach, Impact Coaching Academy (CCRC) Certified Divorce Recovery Coach, Impact Coaching Academy (CDRC) Associate Certified Coach, International Coach Federation (ICF-ACC) Certified Partners Coach, Association of Partners of Sex Addicts Trauma Specialists (APSATS-CPC) The Illuminate Podcast is hosted by Geoff Steurer, MS, LMFT. Please donate to support the Illuminate Podcast: anchor.fm/illuminate-podcast/support. Geoff has also created audio and video courses to help support individuals and couples in marriage, addiction, and betrayal trauma recovery at www.geoffsteurer.com/store
32:06
April 9, 2020
Help for distressed couples during quarantine - Geoff Steurer, MS, LMFT - Episode 55
Sheltering in place is tough for most people, but it's especially difficult for couples who were already distressed before they were required to spend days on end together. And, tragically, sheltering in place can also increase the risk of physical and emotional abuse for vulnerable family members. In this episode, I share eleven ways distressed couples can manage these difficult dynamics.  SALE - All of my online relationship courses are on sale for 50% off during the month of April 2020. This includes the 12-week Trust Building Bootcamp for those who want to rebuild broken trust in their relationship. Go to www.lovingmarriage.com and visit the online courses section to see the selection. At checkout, enter the code: COVIDHALF to receive 50% off your purchase.  The Illuminate Podcast is hosted by Geoff Steurer, MS, LMFT. Support this podcast: anchor.fm/illuminate-podcast/support.
31:51
April 2, 2020
Staying emotionally healthy during a pandemic
How do we stay emotionally healthy in the midst of a global pandemic? In this special episode, I team up with Amy Cluff, a therapist who specializes in working with betrayal trauma and child/family therapy, to talk about specific ways we can all maintain our emotional health when facing these unprecedented global fears and uncertainties.  We also address the specific concerns for those who are actively working a recovery process from pornography/sexual addiction and betrayal trauma and how they can stay healthy in their own recoveries as they deal with these unexpected and overwhelming challenges. Regardless of whether or not you're dealing with an addiction or betrayal trauma, this episode will give you actionable and specific things you can begin doing to help you respond in healthier ways. The Illuminate Podcast is hosted by Geoff Steurer, MS, LMFT. Please donate to support the Illuminate Podcast: anchor.fm/illuminate-podcast/support. Geoff has also created audio and video courses to help support individuals and couples in marriage, addiction, and betrayal trauma recovery at www.geoffsteurer.com/store Support this podcast: anchor.fm/illuminate-podcast/support.
48:37
March 14, 2020
Why you should share your addiction recovery story (and how) - Steven Shields - Episode 53
Building an authentic community around those struggling with pornography addiction and betrayal trauma is essential for recovery. Steven, from Unashamed Unafraid, shares his experience of hearing how many couples have shared their story of addiction recovery. Geoff and Steven discuss why it is important for those struggling to share their story and how to do it in a safe and healing way. They also discuss strategies for spouses and family members to help invite addicts to share their stories. The 12-week online Trust Building Bootcamp is now available for 15% off to Illuminate listeners by entering the code: ILLUMINATE at https://www.trustbuildingacademy.com/bootcamp The Illuminate Podcast is hosted by Geoff Steurer, MS, LMFT. Please donate to support the Illuminate Podcast: anchor.fm/illuminate-podcast/support Geoff has also created audio and video courses to help support individuals and couples in marriage, addiction, and betrayal trauma recovery at www.geoffsteurer.com/store  ---   Support this podcast: https://anchor.fm/illuminate-podcast/support
44:13
March 12, 2020
Steven and Kayla: A story of sexual addiction and betrayal trauma recovery - Episode 52
Steven and Kayla Shields are a couple working through recovery; Steven for his sexual addiction and Kayla for healing with her betrayal trauma. Kayla had no idea when getting married to Steven that he was view pornography daily and participating in prostitution. In this episode, they discuss Steven coming forward, early recovery, being disfellowshipped, excommunicated, and what they are doing in recovery today. Steven founded a non-profit organization called Unashamed Unafraid in 2016, which shares couples stories of sexual addiction recovery and provides scholarships for treatment. They can be found at UnashamedUnafraid.com and everywhere podcasts are found. The Illuminate Podcast is hosted by Geoff Steurer, MS, LMFT. Please donate to support the Illuminate Podcast: anchor.fm/illuminate-podcast/support. Geoff has also created audio and video courses to help support individuals and couples in marriage, addiction, and betrayal trauma recovery at www.geoffsteurer.com/store Support this podcast: https://anchor.fm/illuminate-podcast/support.
45:33
February 26, 2020
Helping women who struggle with pornography - Alice Taylor (part 2) - Episode 51
In this episode I interview Alice Taylor, author of, "Restored: A woman's guide to overcoming pornography addiction." We talk about the need to be more aware of the reality that many women and girls are battling addictions and struggles with pornography and unwanted sexual behaviors. Alice share ways we can become more inclusive of women who struggle and how we can be more sensitive to their struggles. You can purchase Alice's book and follow her on social media using the links below: Website: thegracespot.com Buy Restored here: www.amazon.com/Restored-Womans-G…1576576148&sr=8-1 FB: www.facebook.com/thegracespotministries/ IG: www.instagram.com/thegspot_ministries/ Twitter: twitter.com/GSpotMinistries Have you broken your partner's trust and want a structured process to help you repair it? Get instant access to my 12-week online Trust Building Bootcamp and begin repairing your marriage. Illuminate listeners can get 30% off the price of the course by visiting www.trustbuildingacademy.com/bootcamp and entering coupon code ILLUMINATE at checkout. The Illuminate Podcast is hosted by Geoff Steurer, MS, LMFT. Please donate to support the Illuminate Podcast: anchor.fm/illuminate-podcast/support Geoff has also created audio and video courses to help support individuals and couples in marriage, addiction, and betrayal trauma recovery at www.geoffsteurer.com/store
27:31
February 12, 2020
Women who struggle with pornography addiction - Alice's story - Episode 50
Pornography addiction isn't just a struggle for men and boys. Many women and girls also struggle with the same temptations, secrets, and shame. One of biggest differences, however, is that women and girls rarely get to hear other females acknowledge their own personal struggles and victories over addiction. In this episode I interview Alice Taylor, author of, "Restored: A woman's guide to overcoming pornography addiction." Alice went public with her story of healing from addiction and abuse to help other women know they're not alone and that change is possible. Alice shares her story of leaving the darkness of shame and secrecy and embracing a life of recovery and healing. You can purchase Alice's book and follow her on social media using the links below: Website: thegracespot.com Buy Restored here: https://www.amazon.com/Restored-Womans-Guide-Overcoming-Pornography/dp/0648722007/ref=tmm_pap_swatch_0?_encoding=UTF8&qid=1576576148&sr=8-1 FB: https://www.facebook.com/thegracespotministries/ IG: https://www.instagram.com/thegspot_ministries/ Twitter: https://twitter.com/GSpotMinistries Have you broken your partner's trust and want a structured process to help you repair it? Get instant access to my 12-week online Trust Building Bootcamp and begin repairing your marriage. Illuminate listeners can get 30% off the price of the course by visiting www.trustbuildingacademy.com/bootcamp and entering coupon code ILLUMINATE at checkout. The Illuminate Podcast is hosted by Geoff Steurer, MS, LMFT. Please donate to support the Illuminate Podcast: anchor.fm/illuminate-podcast/support Geoff has also created audio and video courses to help support individuals and couples in marriage, addiction, and betrayal trauma recovery at www.geoffsteurer.com/store
25:42
January 28, 2020
Forgiving ourselves - Dr. Wendy Ulrich - Episode 49
I interview Dr. Wendy Ulrich, author and therapist, on the subject of forgiving ourselves. We discuss the importance of forgiving ourselves when we make mistakes. Specifically, we discuss:  - What it means to forgive ourselves. - The ultimate goal of self-forgiveness. - Why we struggle to forgive ourselves for making mistakes. - The path to self-forgiveness, including: 1. Clarifying our beliefs 2. Qualifying for forgiveness and grace 3. Overcoming internal obstacles to peace 4. Trusting God You can find Dr. Ulrich's books and workshops here: www.amazon.com/Wendy-Ulrich/e/B001JP34F8 www.sixteenstones.net/retreats/ Wendy Ulrich, Ph.D., M.B.A., has been a psychologist in private practice, president of the Association of Mormon Counselors and Psychotherapists, and a visiting professor at Brigham Young University-Provo. She founded Sixteen Stones Center for Growth, which offers seminar-retreats for Latter-day Saint women and their loved ones (see sixteenstones.net). Her books include Let God Love You; Weakness Is Not Sin; Habits of Happiness; The Temple Experience; Forgiving Ourselves; and national best-seller The Why of Work, coauthored with her husband, Dave Ulrich. Have you broken your partner's trust and want a structured process to help you repair it? Get instant access to my 12-week online Trust Building Bootcamp and begin repairing your marriage. Illuminate listeners can get 30% off the price of the course by visiting www.trustbuildingacademy.com/bootcamp and entering coupon code ILLUMINATE at checkout. The Illuminate Podcast is hosted by Geoff Steurer, MS, LMFT. Please donate to support the Illuminate Podcast: anchor.fm/illuminate-podcast/support Geoff has also created audio and video courses to help support individuals and couples in marriage, addiction, and betrayal trauma recovery at www.geoffsteurer.com/store
27:38
January 16, 2020
Why is forgiveness so difficult? - Wendy Ulrich - Episode 48
I interview Dr. Wendy Ulrich, author and therapist, on the subject of forgiveness. We discuss the challenges of forgiving others, especially when there have been serious betrayals. We discuss: - Why forgiveness is such a sensitive topic - How forgiveness is different than trust - How forgiveness benefits the injured/betrayed person - What makes it hard for betrayed people to forgive - What a betrayed person can do to begin the forgiveness process You can find Dr. Ulrich's books and workshops here: https://www.amazon.com/Wendy-Ulrich/e/B001JP34F8 https://www.sixteenstones.net/retreats/ Wendy Ulrich, Ph.D., M.B.A., has been a psychologist in private practice, president of the Association of Mormon Counselors and Psychotherapists, and a visiting professor at Brigham Young University-Provo. She founded Sixteen Stones Center for Growth, which offers seminar-retreats for Latter-day Saint women and their loved ones (see sixteenstones.net). Her books include Let God Love You; Weakness Is Not Sin; Habits of Happiness; The Temple Experience; Forgiving Ourselves; and national best-seller The Why of Work, coauthored with her husband, Dave Ulrich. Have you broken your partner's trust and want a structured process to help you repair it? Get instant access to my 12-week online Trust Building Bootcamp and begin repairing your marriage. Illuminate listeners can get 30% off the price of the course by visiting www.trustbuildingacademy.com/bootcamp and entering coupon code ILLUMINATE at checkout. The Illuminate Podcast is hosted by Geoff Steurer, MS, LMFT. Please donate to support the Illuminate Podcast: anchor.fm/illuminate-podcast/support Geoff has also created audio and video courses to help support individuals and couples in marriage, addiction, and betrayal trauma recovery at www.geoffsteurer.com/store
34:41
January 1, 2020
Responding effectively to abused children - Jessica Mockett - Episode 47
In this episode, I continue my discussion with Jessica Mockett, founder of Safe Haven Holistic Recovery, about how to prevent child sexual abuse and also respond to children who have experienced the trauma of sexual abuse. In this episode, we discuss: - How sexual abuse impacts children physically, emotionally, spiritually, etc. - How parents can best respond if a child discloses sexual abuse. - Why immediately asking questions to children who disclose abuse isn't helpful. - How parents and adults can prepare themselves to respond to a child's report of sexual abuse. - Why a multi-faceted holistic approach is important for long-term healing of sexual abuse - The need to respond immediately and get treatment and support to children who have been abused. Guide to help children through sexual trauma https://www.safehavenholisticrecovery.org/giving Heart of the Matter Documentary - Directed by Jessica Mockett https://www.youtube.com/watch?time_continue=5&v=5EgztA-Racs&feature=emb_logo Jessica Mockett is the founder and executive director of the non-profit Safe Haven Holistic Recovery. She is passionate about helping women, children, families find healing from trauma and helping them discover how to be connected to God afterward and live joyful, healthy, fulfilling lives. She is interested in alternative health, and is a licensed Emotion Code and Body Code practitioner – helping her clients through releasing negative energy and mentoring them in ways to change former beliefs and habits that are holding them back. She graduated from Brigham Young University and currently lives in Layton, UT. She is also involved in animal rescue and foster at risk animals and adopt them out to safe homes. Have you broken your partner's trust and want a structured process to help you repair it? Get instant access to my 12-week online Trust Building Bootcamp and begin repairing your marriage. Illuminate listeners can get 30% off the price of the course by visiting www.trustbuildingacademy.com/bootcamp and entering coupon code ILLUMINATE at checkout. The Illuminate Podcast is hosted by Geoff Steurer, MS, LMFT. Please donate to support the Illuminate Podcast: anchor.fm/illuminate-podcast/support Geoff has also created audio and video courses to help support individuals and couples in marriage, addiction, and betrayal trauma recovery at www.geoffsteurer.com/store
27:14
December 18, 2019
Protecting children from sexual abuse - Jessica Mockett - Episode 46
Pornography isn't a victimless pastime, especially when considering the role it contributes in the sexual exploitation and abuse of children. In this interview with Jessica Mockett from Save Hafen Holistic Recovery, we discuss: - The impact of pornography on sexual abuse of children  - How pornography dehumanizes others and contributes to an abuse mindset - Research showing clear links between sexual crimes and pornography - Why it's important to face these issues to protect children. - How awareness can prevent child sexual abuse. Guide to help children through sexual trauma https://www.safehavenholisticrecovery.org/giving Heart of the Matter Documentary - Directed by Jessica Mockett https://www.youtube.com/watch?time_continue=5&v=5EgztA-Racs&feature=emb_logo This is the article that references the Michael Bourke study: https://www.apa.org/monitor/2009/12/child-abuse Jessica Mockett is the founder and executive director of the non-profit Safe Haven Holistic Recovery. She is passionate about helping women, children, families find healing from trauma and helping them discover how to be connected to God afterward and live joyful, healthy, fulfilling lives. She is interested in alternative health, and is a licensed Emotion Code and Body Code practitioner – helping her clients through releasing negative energy and mentoring them in ways to change former beliefs and habits that are holding them back. She graduated from Brigham Young University and currently lives in Layton, UT. She is also involved in animal rescue and foster at risk animals and adopt them out to safe homes. Have you broken your partner's trust and want a structured process to help you repair it? Get instant access to my 12-week online Trust Building Bootcamp and begin repairing your marriage. Illuminate listeners can get 30% off the price of the course by visiting www.trustbuildingacademy.com/bootcamp and entering coupon code ILLUMINATE at checkout. The Illuminate Podcast is hosted by Geoff Steurer, MS, LMFT. Please donate to support the Illuminate Podcast: anchor.fm/illuminate-podcast/support Geoff has also created audio and video courses to help support individuals and couples in marriage, addiction, and betrayal trauma recovery at www.geoffsteurer.com/store
35:41
December 5, 2019
How to avoid a victim mindset - Troy Love - Episode 45
When we're abused or rejected, it's easy to form a victim mindset and believe that we're completely powerless to change our lives. In this interview with Troy Love, therapist and author, we discuss how to move out of a victim mindset and embrace a lifetime of healing, empowerment, and connection.  Purchase Troy's books: Finding Peace - amzn.to/2QdmNKD A Year of Self-Love - amzn.to/32JyF9A Troy L. Love, MSW, LCSW, is an author, clinician, presenter, and Clinical Director of Yuma Counseling Services. Troy received his Master's Degree in Social Work from the University of Pittsburgh. With over 20 years of experience, Troy specializes in helping others heal from trauma, improve relationships, and overcome compulsive or addictive behaviors. He also works with organizations and leaders to develop intellectual authenticity. Have you broken your partner's trust and want a structured process to help you repair it? Get instant access to my 12-week online Trust Building Bootcamp and begin repairing your marriage. Illuminate listeners can get 30% off the price of the course by visiting www.trustbuildingacademy.com/bootcamp and entering coupon code ILLUMINATE at checkout. The Illuminate Podcast is hosted by Geoff Steurer, MS, LMFT. Please donate to support the Illuminate Podcast: anchor.fm/illuminate-podcast/support Geoff has also created audio and video courses to help support individuals and couples in marriage, addiction, and betrayal trauma recovery at www.geoffsteurer.com/store
27:49
November 22, 2019
Healing from loss, neglect, rejection, betrayal, and abuse - Troy Love - Episode 44
If you've ever been betrayed, rejected, abandoned, or betrayed as a child or adult, you know how painful and difficult it can be to find peace. I interview therapist and author Troy Love on how to heal in the aftermath of these types of injuries.  Purchase Troy's books: Finding Peace - https://amzn.to/2QdmNKD A Year of Self-Love - https://amzn.to/32JyF9A Troy L. Love, MSW, LCSW, is an author, clinician, presenter, and Clinical Director of Yuma Counseling Services. Troy received his Master's Degree in Social Work from the University of Pittsburgh. With over 20 years of experience, Troy specializes in helping others heal from trauma, improve relationships, and overcome compulsive or addictive behaviors. He also works with organizations and leaders to develop intellectual authenticity.  Have you broken your partner's trust and want a structured process to help you repair it? Get instant access to my 12-week online Trust Building Bootcamp and begin repairing your marriage. Illuminate listeners can get 30% off the price of the course by visiting www.trustbuildingacademy.com/bootcamp and entering coupon code ILLUMINATE at checkout. The Illuminate Podcast is hosted by Geoff Steurer, MS, LMFT. Please donate to support the Illuminate Podcast: anchor.fm/illuminate-podcast/support Geoff has also created audio and video courses to help support individuals and couples in marriage, addiction, and betrayal trauma recovery at www.geoffsteurer.com/store
34:43
November 12, 2019
What every leader needs to know about pornography - Kurt Francom - Episode 43
What are the most important things we should know when working with individuals impacted by pornography and betrayal trauma? A popular Latter-day Saint podcaster assembled over 20 presenters in a virtual conference to support those who minister to men and women affected by pornography addiction. In this episode Kurt Francom, founder of the Leading Saints podcast, shares what he learned after interviewing 23+ therapists, recovering addicts, betrayed partners, parenting experts, recovery coaches, church leaders, and advocates for his Liberating Saints Virtual Summit. He created this summit as a go-to resource for any spiritual leader, family member, or loved one who wants to learn more about how to minister to those impacted by pornography and betrayal trauma. We discuss what he learned on the topics of: * Identifying and working with shame * Helping betrayed spouses * Disclosing secrets You can watch three of the presentations for free at: www.leadingsaints.org/liberating Have you broken your partner's trust and want a structured process to help you repair it? Get instant access to my 12-week online Trust Building Bootcamp and begin repairing your marriage. Illuminate listeners can get 30% off the price of the course by visiting www.trustbuildingacademy.com/bootcamp and entering coupon code ILLUMINATE at checkout. The Illuminate Podcast is hosted by Geoff Steurer, MS, LMFT. Please donate to support the Illuminate Podcast: anchor.fm/illuminate-podcast/support Geoff has also created audio and video courses to help support individuals and couples in marriage, addiction, and betrayal trauma recovery at www.geoffsteurer.com/store
48:00
October 30, 2019
Toxic giving and taking in relationships - Mari Lee - Episode 42
Have you broken your partner's trust and want a structured process to help you repair it? Get instant access to my 12-week online Trust Building Bootcamp and begin repairing your marriage. Illuminate listeners can get 30% off the price of the course by visiting https://www.trustbuildingacademy.com/bootcamp and entering coupon code ILLUMINATE at checkout. In this episode, I interview Mari Lee, LMFT, CSAT-S, CPTT-S, CMBAT-S on the topic of toxic giving and taking in relationships. She also wrote a helpful blog post addressing this topic here: http://www.growthcounselingservices.com/blog/2015/8/24/givers-and-takers-which-one-are-you In this episode, we discuss: 1.  The differences between givers and takers. 2. What a healthy balance of giving and taking looks like. 3. What causes people to become toxic givers and takers 4. How the giver and taker dynamic impacts recovery for trauma and sexual addiction. 5. What needs to happen with givers and takers to create change. 6. Specific tools you can use to change these dynamics in your relationships.  Mari A. Lee is a Licensed Marriage and Family Therapist, a Certified Sex Addiction Therapist and Supervisor, a Certified Partners Trauma Therapist and Supervisor, a Certified Mindfulness Based Addiction Therapist and Supervisor, and the founder of Growth Counseling Services, a private recovery practice located in Glendora, California. Mari is recognized for her clinical work with sex addicts, traumatically betrayed spouses, and couples healing from infidelity. Additionally, Mari is a trusted coach with 30 years of business experience. She is the founder of, "The Counselor’s Coach" and provides coaching and consulting, clinical materials, and dedicated support to therapists across the U.S. and around the world. Mari's specialized coaching is focused on helping therapists create and launch multiple income streams beyond the one-on-one clinical hour. Mari is also a popular national speaker and presents across the country on the topic of sex and love addiction and betrayal trauma. She is the co-author of the bestselling book, “Facing Heartbreak: Steps to Recovery for Partners of Sex Addicts”, and she is the author of, “Healing Betrayal”, and “The Creative Clinician”, and a contributing author to “Behavioral Addictions: Criteria, Evidence and Treatment.” Her next book, “The Gift in the Wound: Stories of Resiliency and Hope” will be out in 2020. To learn more about Mari’s clinical work visit: www.GrowthCounselingServices.com To schedule coaching session with Mari visit: www.TheCounselorsCoach.com The Illuminate Podcast is hosted by Geoff Steurer, MS, LMFT. Please donate to support the Illuminate Podcast: anchor.fm/illuminate-podcast/support Geoff has also created audio and video courses to help support individuals and couples in marriage, addiction, and betrayal trauma recovery at www.geoffsteurer.com/store
33:56
October 17, 2019
Using mindfulness to treat addiction and trauma - Mari Lee - Episode 41
Have you broken your partner's trust and want to repair it? Get instant access to the 12-week online Trust Building Bootcamp and begin repairing your marriage. Illuminate listeners can get 30% off the price of the course by visiting https://www.trustbuildingacademy.com/bootcamp and entering coupon code ILLUMINATE at checkout.  I interview Mari Lee, LMFT, CSAT-S, CPTT-S, CMBAT-S on the topic of how mindfulness can help improve outcomes when treating pornography/sexual addiction and betrayal trauma. In this episode, we discuss: - How she discovered the power of mindfulness in her personal life and professional practice.  - The definition of mindfulness - Why mindfulness is an important piece for healing trauma and addictions - What she noticed changing in her clients when she began incorporating mindfulness work in to their treatment - How betrayed partners can benefit from a mindfulness based therapy plan - How addicts can benefit from working with a therapist who weaves in mindful approaches in to the recovery work - Why she believes therapists working in this specialization would benefit from training in mindfulness based therapy Mari A. Lee is a L