Future Fiction Theatre 2099

Remember Earth, that one planet? Yeah, well. That's a whole story. But also, it turns out there's ANOTHER planet called the Planet of the Apes (apes live there). And wow, are things crazy on THAT planet. There's all these apes, and their paws stink and they hate it. Explore this planet if you dare...

So there was this guy named Shakespeare and one time he wrote this play called Hamlet and then this company called Disney was like "sure, but what if they were lions and it was for children?" And it turns out it was the best idea anyone ever had. Everyone loves this story even though it totally glorifies the monarchy, but if you're be prepared for that, then you can just say hakuna matata and i just can't wait to enjoy the Lion King, haha.

So one day this radioactive spider bit this regular guy, and now he has the powers of an arachnid! Except for the webs, he made those himself. I mean he still has those powers, he just didn't get them from the radioactive spider. It's not really a power, I guess. I don't know exactly how 'power' is defined. Is having a sword a 'power'? I mean, it is 'powerful' so, maybe. Anyway, check out Spider-Man, it's really great.

So there's this whole country of Kongs, which are like apes, and their leader is Donkey Kong. You know he's the leader because he wears a red tie and the other apes aren't allowed to wear clothes except for some of them. And Donkey Kong's grandpa is Cranky Kong who used to fight Mario. Okay, so who's Donkey Kong Jr.? Not sure. Sometimes the Kongs also rap.

So this kid is named Harry Potter, and that's a big deal, because everyone knows his name. Everyone in this book is British, but beyond that, they're also wizards. Harry can do magic, but on the flip side, he's also an orphan (Ouch!). There's a bad guy named Voldemort, but you're not supposed to say his name because wizards are irrational cowards. Anyway, there's lots of adventures and it gets super dark but it's also fun, so enjoy!

So there are these friends and they live in New York. And one of them, the leader, his name is Jerry Seinfeld, he's a stand up comedian. The rest of them don't really do anything, they just go out on dates and stuff. Anyway, they have lots of wacky mishaps and they get into trouble but they always come out ahead in the end, except for George. Very funny, TBS, my favorite show.

So there are these two FBI agents and their names are Fox Mulder and Dana Scully. Mulder totally believes in aliens and all this other weird shit, but Scully is having NONE OF THAT. And yet at the same time, the thing that they're always doing is trying to find these aliens! Sometimes there are also yetis, or werewolves, or psychics too. They have to uncover the conspiracy! This is seriously good, I definitely would recommend it.