GOIN' COMMANDO

It's often called one of the few movie soundtracks that's better than the movie itself. But IS IT? James and I called back to our season 2 episode about JUDGMENT NIGHT (the movie) and discussed the JUDGMENT NIGHT soundtrack, famous for its collaborations between rock bands and hip-hop artists. James had a surprising opinion about the Slayer / Ice-T collab and an even more surprising opinion about Sonic Youth, Teenage Fanclub, De La Soul, and Cypress Hill. We wondered aloud if Eddie Vedder even showed up for Pearl Jam's sessions for their song, which dovetailed into a drubbing of Vedder's many imitators, your Puddles of Mudd, your Creeds and what you will. We discussed Biohazard and Evan Seinfeld's porn career, and also generated our own adult film star names. We also talked about nu-metal still being good gym music in 2023, Jnco jeans and BMX bikes, shoplifting, and we tried to fantasy book a sequel to this soundtrack. We also might think the SPAWN soundtrack is better.

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As a nice bit of symmetry with the season 2 finale, and some bonus content to tide y'all over while we work on season 3, we donned our hard hats, cleaned the Burger King wrappers out of our lunch pails, and returned to the podcast mines to discuss the pilot of the new CBS series TRUE LIES starring Steve Howey and Ginger Gonzaga as Harry and Helen Tasker. We talked about some of the callbacks to the movie in the episode, as well as some of the, shall we say, lightening up of the proceedings to make it palatable for Gramma and Grandpa to watch on CBS every week. We also discussed party lines, the WCW hotline, Bloodhound Gang, Mexican pastries, weird sodas, and, inspired by Steven Seagal's new Order of Friendship award from Vladimir Putin, James has a surprise for Bryne.

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It's the Season 2 finale and for this one we went big. Real big. We're talking about Box Office Jim himself.

We convened IN PERSON for the only time this season to watch one of our favorite movies of all time: 1994's TRUE LIES starring Arnold Schwarzenegger, Jamie Lee Curtis, Tom Arnold, and Bill Paxton, directed by James Cameron. We did our best through a few beers and a few hits to try and distill what makes this movie an action classic: It's basically a live-action cartoon with big-time set pieces, amazing practical effects and stunts, and plenty of comedy. We also delved into some of the xenophobic stuff in it that hasn't aged as well and has led arguably to all action movie villains being white guys now, as it should be. Thanks for listening and we'll catch your ass down the road for Season 3!

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It's the penultimate episode of Season 2 and the boys are headed *BONG* south of the border for our first-ever viewing of Robert Rodriguez' directorial debut, 1992's EL MARIACHI. The legacy of this movie, and the star director it created, loom over its content which...well...isn't very good. BUT considering what had to happen to get it made, and the way in which it was made, with no crew, no trained actors and a $7,000 budget, it's kind of a triumph. We get into all of that plus discussions about hot bevs, Yeti tumblers, Arnold Schwarzenegger's famous stogies video, we propose a new Annabelle movie starring Arnold, we talk about bad dubbing, James does some dream analysis and also tells a fun Danny Trejo story.

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This week in the podcast mines we dig up a 1993 movie that's arguably less famous than its soundtrack: JUDGMENT NIGHT starring Emilio Estevez, Cuba Gooding Jr., Jeremy Piven, Stephen Dorff, and Denis Leary as a gang leader (?). Play the opening riff because the boys are back in town, that town being Chicago, which to their four suburban brains looks like a warzone. On their way to a boxing match they take an ill-advised shortcut which embroils them in an ongoing street war in which "Leave No Witnesses" is one of the rules. The chase then ensues and takes a few different forms, and we get some solid character work from all the actors. We discuss that as well as what the movie may or may not be trying to say about cities being "dangerous" to suburban folks. We also call Everlast weird-looking. We talk about going Piven Mode (the acting, not the sexual assault).

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Last year the boys were wowed by POLICE STORY so it's only natural that this season we return to Jackie Chan's filmography with his American breakthrough, RUMBLE IN THE BRONX. This movie is long on great stunts but extremely short on plot so we do what we do best: fill time by getting weird with it. Bryne does a lot of impressions including Owen Wilson, Donald Trump, and Beetlejuice. James does his best Alex Jones. We talk about hypothetically getting a cease and desist from Steven Seagal which dovetails into writing a movie for him in which he doesn't even have to stand up. James teaches Bryne the term for male cameltoe. Among other things.

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It's another James Shoehorned Special as we tackle, at his behest, the 1993 Joel Schumacher thriller FALLING DOWN starring Michael Douglas and Robert Duvall as two men on very different paths. One is having the worst day ever according to him, the other is just trying to get through his last day before a somewhat reluctant retirement. We talk about what this movie is really trying to say about America, capitalism, mental health, toxic masculinity and how those coalesce into a guy like Mr. DFENS, as well as how his actions might be interpreted differently, shall we say, as teenagers versus watching it now as 37 year old geezers. We dissect some of Schumacher's stylistic choices and how they add to the stressful feel of the movie. We celebrate the well-deserved onscreen death of a Nazi and of golfers, who are the Nazis of golf courses. Grab some Whammy Burger and listen along.

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If you got into a fight with a blind man, who would win? What if said blind man was a sword-wielding, jungle-hardened Vietnam veteran? That's on the table this week as we discuss BLIND FURY starring Rutger Hauer. Of course there's a montage. Of course there are freakishly stupid con men and their even stupider henchmen. OF COURSE there's an annoying kid who forms a bond with the protagonist. But also, consider this: a cop gets his hand chopped off. There's a swordfight around and in a hot tub. There's a blind man badly driving. This movie is not serious at all and it also whips ass. We also talk about Hauer's legendary run as a pitchman for Guinness beer. Pure Genius baby.

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Hold on to your crunchwraps: this week the Goin' Commando Boys are visiting the not-too-distant future in the metropolis known as San Angeles and the 1993 sci-fi action DEMOLITION MAN, where all vices are illegal, including chocolate, drugs, alcohol, swearing, sex, and everything else that makes life worth living. One man's utopian paradise is another man's fascistic hellscape. The symbolism here isn't very deep but we get into it anyway. We also talk about the goo Sylvester Stallone's character John Spartan is frozen in for 37 years. We basically gush over how entertaining Wesley Snipes is as Simon Phoenix. We hypothesize about virtual sex. OF COURSE we talk bathroom logistics re: the three seashells. Obviously we give our Taco Bell orders. We discuss Denis Leary writing his own lines for this movie. It's all here. Hit that play button and live mas with us.

An epic movie deserves an epic(ally long) podcast and that's what we give you—whether you wanted it or not—with this week's dive into Michael Mann's 1995 classic HEAT, starring Robert De Niro, Al Pacino, Val Kilmer, Tom Sizemore, Al Pacino, Ashley Judd, Danny Trejo, Kevin Gage, Henry Rollins, Dennis Haysbert, Hank Azaria, Tone Loc, DR. JEREMY PIVEN, and the list goes on and on and on. A three-hour epic with two protagonists who are more alike than they initially think, we dive into everything that makes HEAT one of the greatest movies—regardless of genre—of all time. Dissection of the biggest scenes, including the loudest gunfire ever recorded on film (we're pretty sure), character flaws and motivations, Mann's incessantly rewarding attention to detail, we get into the nuts and bolts of all of it because for us, the podcast action is the juice.

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A shoehorned special! James insisted we tackle this forgotten 1991 Jeff Speakman movie THE PERFECT WEAPON. It's maybe the only kenpo action movie ever made in America. It has a soup-thin plot. The acting is not good. Literally no woman speaks in the entire movie even though Mariska Hargitay is like second billed. BUT, Bryne and James learned a lot about Speakman's story, his personal life, his battles and...he seems like a really nice guy. We tried to take it easy on him. Listen to find out how we did.

Ummmmm did you forget about us? Too bad! Sorry, but we're BACK, baby! The Season 2 premiere of GOIN' COMMANDO is here!!!

We kick off our new season with, what else, an Arnold movie. Not just any Arnold movie, but Bryne's favorite Arnold movie, the 1990 sci-fi classic TOTAL RECALL directed by Paul Verhoeven (the master). Bryne explains *why* it's his favorite Arnold movie and brings up some symbolism that James admits he may not have considered. For example, uh, is Mars supposed to be Hell? Or is Earth Hell? Are they BOTH different Hells? We talk about how Verhoeven shoots action, Sharon Stone, Jonny Cabs, the yassification of bad guys in Hollywood, and much more. It's good to be back y'all.

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Better late than never, 🎃SPOOKY SEASON🎃 wraps up at GOIN' COMMANDO HQ with a look back at 1996's FROM DUSK TILL DAWN, directed by Robert Rodriguez and starring George Clooney, Harvey Keitel and Quentin Tarantino, who also wrote the screenplay. We dive into our sexual awakenings brought on by Salma Hayek, roast Tarantino for his severe lack of acting skills as well as his foot thing, and Bryne says the word "pussy" far more than he is really comfortable doing. We discuss this movie's disjointedness from its first half to the second half, and of course, we talk about the vampires. And how much James really, really wants a cock gun. Among other things, we sidebar into Halloween Kills, Mr. Skin, boiled peanuts and other regional gas station snacks, and much more.

It's officially 🎃SPOOKY SEASON🎃 on GOIN' COMMANDO as the boys ring in October with a deep dive into John Carpenter's 1988 cult classic THEY LIVE starring Rowdy Roddy Piper. This movie obviously had a lot to say about the political and economic climate of Reagan's America and we do our best to contextualize it for then and now. We talk about the homelessness epidemic in America and the way we've always been taught directly or indirectly to interact with and acknowledge our unhoused neighbors. We discuss the naivete of the average American then and now, as well as how badly mental healthcare has been stigmatized. We do fun stuff too though: we dissect the sublime initial scene with Piper and the glasses, the famous extended fight scene, the bank scene with that one line. It's all here. Grab a bowl of candy corn and listen.

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***Content warning: this episode contains discussions about sexual assault and pedophilia.***  

On this episode of the show the boys watched two different cuts of Luc Besson's 1994 action thriller THE PROFESSIONAL: the theatrical cut released in America, as well as the extended cut that adds a considerable amount of time and depth to the story. Bryne and James compare the two cuts, explore the unique, uncomfortable relationship between Leon and Mathilda, give praise to the kings Gary Oldman and Danny Aiello, and wonder aloud how an adult man could love milk so much. We also talk about Besson's sordid history as a sexual abuser of women, and in particular his marriage to a teenage girl in the '90s and how it seems as though he wrote this movie about his own life.  Plus, Bryne has a hectic day and he and James both tell stories about being bested by bartenders.

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It's long past time we cover the work of the master on GOIN' COMMANDO and that gets rectified this week when we dive into the 1985 classic Hong Kong action movie POLICE STORY starring Jackie Chan, who also wrote, directed and yeah, did his own damn stunts. James tries to medically diagnose Chan as we wonder aloud what would drive a man to suffer for his art to this degree. We talk about the chaotic opening scene in the shanty town, the frantic shopping mall end that yielded the most broken glass in movie history. We pay respect to Chan's immense talent, his comedic timing, his intensity, and his versatility. We also talk about shoplifting stuff from the mall, getting kicked in the balls, Scientology (again), and James tells a great story about standing up to a bully. Fun episode.

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FOLKS!!! We told you we'd be back to discuss the best sequel ever made after diving deep into 1984's THE TERMINATOR a couple weeks back and here it is. The boys don their best pleather jackets and sunglasses to talk about what it was like being a kid when Arnold and the Terminator character were engulfing all other pop culture around them. We discuss the big tonal differences between the two movies, highlight character growth and give props to Robert Patrick for one of the most terrifying performances in movie history. James did his homework for this one and comes out swinging with many tidbits of trivia about T2 you may or may not have known. We wonder aloud whether Arnold was already a star before T2 or if T2 made him a star. We give props to regional accents. We hope aloud that The Rock does not run for President. We talk about walkup music for baseball players. We check in on Michael Biehn and Edward Furlong. And more!

Folks, on this week's episode we go back—waaaaaaay back—to 1981 to help celebrate the 40th anniversary of the John Carpenter classic ESCAPE FROM NEW YORK starring Kurt Russell in the now-iconic role of Snake Plissken. Snake is the most nihilistic, misanthropic action hero in movie history, but he has to save the President from Manhattan—now a maximum-security prison—or his neck will explode. Cool! We discuss everything that made this movie so influential, ruminate on its supporting cast and wonder if GCW Champion Nick Gage could beat Slag in a deathmatch. Plus, we talk about porn parodies, wonder if the Presidential Escape Egg is real, Bryne defends New Jersey against an army of imaginary foes from flyover states, which leads James to reveal his desire to do DMT in the Pine Barrens and hopefully not run into any Czechoslovakian interior decorators while under the influence. Bada bing.

POINT BREAK turns 30 in a couple months and what better way to celebrate an absolute classic than to riff on it! On this episode we talk about everything that turns this movie into something uniquely sublime: Patrick Swayze's legendary, intoxicating turn as Bodhi; Keanu Reeves' still-green take on Johnny Utah; Gary Busey's all-time role as Agent Pappas; and Kathryn Bigelow's ingenious direction and writing that elevated this movie to a classic that's still talked about today. Plus Bryne makes a case for this being the most Saggittarius-centric movie of all time. We also talk about the point of view of this movie and how its platonic love story between the two leads and how that may have hurt its chances with the heterosexual male of 1991. The skydiving scenes, the iconic foot chase, the robberies. THE SURFING MONTAGES. It's all here. Ride with us.

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On this episode we dive deep into a movie that's been largely lost to time, 1991's STONE COLD, starring ex-NFL linebacker Brian Bosworth in his movie debut as a tough cop who goes undercover to infiltrate a white supremacist biker gang led by Chains Cooper, played by the King, Lance Henriksen. STONE COLD bombed upon its release and arguably derailed the movie career of the Boz before it could even leave the station, and, watching this thing it's kind of easy to see why. It's a derivative, disjointed, bloody mess with a wooden performance from Bosworth, but Henriksen is great. We talk about his scene-stealing ability, the movie's incoherence, and the fact that the bad guy kind of wins in the end anyway. We also put a price on drinking the smoothie he feeds his pet lizard. Plus, we get into the genesis of "The Boz" as a character, James has a fun NyQuil story, and a lot more.

It's the movie that made Patrick Swayze an action star, and honestly probably kept basic cable afloat in the 1990s. ROAD HOUSE! On this episode, the boys go nipple to nipple and dive deep into what makes this movie, uh, not necessarily that good, but infinitely rewatchable despite its glaring flaws. It's got sex appeal from Swayze and Sam Elliott, the weirdest one-liners in action movie history (which is really saying something), an unbelievable antagonist, (MacGruber voice) throat rips, and bar fights. So many goddamn bar fights. Justice for Keith David.

Plus, Bryne tells James about his bikepacking aspirations and regales us with his past as a scrawny "security" guy at a nightclub where fights broke out all the time. This is also The One With The Dump Truck Full Of Cum.

Our next episode is about ROAD HOUSE and drops next Monday 3/22. Check out this little preview in which Bryne paints a nightmare scenario to James—or a fantasy, depending on what you're into.

After covering PREDATOR last week, at James' behest, we're doing its sequel immediately after—plus releasing the episode a week early. You're welcome!

1990's PREDATOR 2 couldn't be any more different from its predecessor: the cast, the setting, the tone, really the only constant is the Predator itself. We dive into all those contrasts, as well as the cast, including Danny Glover as loose cannon cop Mike Harrigan, Gary Busey's turn as the steely Agent Keys, and Bill Paxton (RIP King) as Jerry Lambert. We talk about the movie's urban setting (along with its broad stereotypes) and how we wish this would've set the Predator franchise going forward by just dropping into new cities with new casts. Key scenes are on the table, including the subway fight, Harrigan's meeting with King Willie, the slaughterhouse stuff and Mike's showdown with the Predator aboard the spaceship which yielded at least one big Easter egg. Plus, we lament Hollywood's inability (or maybe indifference) in creating a new generation of action stars.

It's the big 1-0! What a milestone for our dumb little show. To mark it we return to the king, Arnold Schwarzenegger, for the first time since our inaugural episode with one of his career-defining roles, 1987's PREDATOR directed by John McTiernan. This is a movie that James knows like the back of his hand it shows (Bryne, not so much, and in fact Bryne appears to be confused about the Predator's existence and motivations. Classic overthinker). James tells a very sweet story about his history with PREDATOR that in a way, put him on a path we're currently continuing with this very show. The boys discuss their favorite one-liners in the movie, the sheer testosterone permeating through the screen, Shane Black's backstory with the movie, the horror aspects of the film, plot holes, and how Jean Claude Van Damme of all people was originally cast to play the Predator, of all people. Plus we dive into Sonny Landham's porn career, and James alludes to a huge personal problem. Adulthood!!!

In this preview the boys discuss the porn career of PREDATOR character actor Sonny Landham. Are you a Huntington Van Huff or a Lane The Milkman?

Full episode coming Monday 2/22!

A little preview of our next full episode about 1992 classic HARD BOILED in which James and Bryne comment on how gunshots don't seem to hurt the main characters very much. Full episode coming next Monday, 2/15!

While talking about the 1990 French action classic NIKITA, James and Bryne reminisce about the Attitude Era and steamy USA Network original programming. Full episode coming Monday!

Bryne and James assemble on their day off from the podcasting mines to discuss SOME KIND OF HEAVEN, the new documentary that tells three stories from The Villages, central Florida's massive, master-planned retirement community. Having grown up in Central Florida, the boys have a unique perspective on the setting, its people, and the state as a whole. We get into that, as well as people thinking of Florida as a meme, the parallels between The Villages and Disney World, The Villages' made-up history, the War on Drugs, Reggie's eccentricities, Dennis' sad sleaziness, Barbara's somewhat redemptive narrative and much, much more. We also apologize for the choppy audio--not sure what happened there and we appreciate you dealing with it!

It was bound to happen. As we traverse the mean streets of '80s and '90s action stars, you have your Arnolds, your Van Dammes, your Stallones. And then you have the other guys. One of those guys is Steven Seagal, unfortunately.

On this episode of the pod the boys dive into Seagal's first movie, ABOVE THE LAW, which as James astutely points out, set the blueprint for literally every single movie he would ever do after this. There's a lot happening, here: an overstuffed plot full of baddie CIA agents running drugs, awkward churchy family stuff, Seagal's character being probably the worst most corrupt cop in history, at least in a vacuum, and more. We get to as much of it as we can stand. Speaking of standing, we also talk about how weird Seagal looks while running, and well, doing just about everything else. We also give our due praise to the queen, Pam Grier. Of course. Plus, tales of Bryne's dentist visit and James' barium soak and subsequent poop stuff. Fun!!!

It's a big milestone on the pod: the first truly bad movie. as James and Bryne dive into 1986's COBRA, starring Sylvester Stallone as Marion Cobretti, a tough cop whose dour demeanor is just as off-putting as his pizza eating habits. We discuss all the other weird food things in COBRA, too--gummy bears? Check. Hospital cake? Check. Eating an apple with leather gloves on? CHECK!!! We also talk about Stallone going from almost doing BEVERLY HILLS COP to rewriting the script with none of the humor left in for COBRA; Stallone being inspired by Bruce Springsteen when creating COBRA; the way the message of this movie and other things like PUNISHER are misconstrued by stupid cops who just want to beat up people; the car chase and how Stallone sold his Mercury used in the movie to a guy who then tried to set a land speed record while driving it; plus, we talk about the COVID vaccine; phones tracking us; jacking off (sorry, mom); our favorite movie theater experiences; ONCE UPON A TIME IN HOLLYWOOD (two 36 year old white guys gushing over Tarantino? WHO WOULD'VE THOUGHT!); and Bryne finally tells the story of his colonoscopy. Can't believe it took six episodes to get to that.

For the inaugural episode of GOIN' COMMANDO co-hosts Bryne and James tackle the inspiration for the show's name: the 1985 action thriller COMMANDO starring Arnold Schwarzenegger. It's the movie that cemented Arnold as a bankable action star. It has a bad plot, bad acting, a completely unbelievable antagonist and probably the most unintentionally comedic one-liners the genre has ever seen. We discuss all of that, as well as the movie's creative cursing, cursing in front of children, extreme close-ups of Arnold's wet muscles, scenes that just seemed shoehorned in to establish that Arnold was a big strong man, Bryne's confusion as to why the bad guys were driving a beaten-up Chrysler minivan, Henriques being dead tired, Sully's suits, egregious continuity errors, Cindy's fourth-wall breaking, Cooke being cooked and eaten for breakfast, brownface, Bennett's outfit and posture, the sheer insanity of the movie's kills in the last twenty minutes, James' childhood crush on Alyssa Milano, and much, much more.

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