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Replacing Guilt

Replacing Guilt

By Gianluca Truda, Nate Soares

The official audio version of the Replacing Guilt series by Nate Soares (Director, Machine Intelligence Research Institute).

Produced by Gianluca Truda (co-host of podtangent.com).

Original posts at mindingourway.com/guilt
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Replacing Guilt (full audiobook)

Replacing GuiltJun 25, 2021

00:00
05:59:58
Replacing Guilt (full audiobook)

Replacing Guilt (full audiobook)

The complete Replacing Guilt series. Written by Nate Soares. Read and produced by Gianluca Truda.

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Contents

0:00:36 : Preliminaries

0:17:50 : Part 1: Fighting for something

1:03:20 : Part 2: Drop your obligations

1:30:27 : Part 3: Half monkey, half god

2:44:30 : Part 4: The dark world

4:17:40 : Part 5: Fire within

5:39:14 : Conclusion

5:43:46 : Series reflection (excerpt from Bit of a Tangent)

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The My Hero comic by Matt Rhodes: mindingourway.com/content/images/2015/05/MyHero.jpg

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If you enjoyed this audiobook, please do share it with anyone you think might benefit from its insights.

The original sequence of articles, written by Nate Soares, can be found at mindingourway.com/guilt

You can get in touch with me and find out about my other public projects by visiting gianlucatruda.com

The theme music is a remix of Algorithms by Chad Crouch, used under Creative Commons.

If you liked listening to my voice, you may also enjoy the Bit of a Tangent Podcast, which I co-host with my friend Jared. We have discussions about AI, Rationality, mental models, Bayesian reasoning, and (most recently) the predictive processing theory of cognition. If, like us, you aim to make sense of the world and effect positive outcomes, we welcome you to join us!

Jun 25, 202105:59:58
Updates and Discussion
May 18, 202118:21
42 Conclusion
Mar 17, 202104:53
41 How we will be measured
Mar 10, 202107:07
40 Defiance
Mar 03, 202109:11
39 Recklessness
Feb 24, 202107:30
38 Desperation
Feb 17, 202112:33
37 Confidence all the way up

37 Confidence all the way up

"I have found this mindset to be very useful throughout my life.  Confidence all the way up is what has me dive into the fray to try new  things, while others stand on the sidelines bemoaning a high degree of  uncertainty. It's part of the technique of treat recurring failures as data and training, rather than as a signal that it's time to feel guilty. It's part of the technique of knowing you're deeply limited without letting that interfere with your progress towards the goal.  Of the top ten most competent people I've met in person (by my  estimation), eight of them seem to have some variant of confidence all  the way up running. If the mindset seems foreign to you, I suggest  finding a way to practice it for a while."

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Original post: http://mindingourway.com/confidence-all-the-way-up/

Find Nate Soares at http://mindingourway.com

Find Gianluca Truda at http://gianlucatruda.com

Replacing Guilt is written by Nate Soares and produced, with permission, by Gianluca Truda. The theme music is a remix of Algorithms by Chad Crouch.

Feb 10, 202108:47
36 The art of response
Jan 13, 202111:26
35 Obvious advice
Dec 23, 202009:34
34 There is no try
Dec 16, 202007:57
33 Stop trying to try and try
Dec 09, 202014:16
32 Dark, Not Colorless

32 Dark, Not Colorless

"The last arc of posts has been about how to handle a dour universe. Become unable to despair, learn to see the darkness rather than flinching from it, learn to choose between bad and worse without suffering. Learn to live in a grim world without becoming grim yourself, learn to hear bad news without suffering, and stop needing to know your actions were acceptable. Come to terms with the fact you may lose, use the darkness as a source of fuel, and let go of dreams of total victory. These are the tools I use to tap into intrinsic motivation, in a precarious world where the problems are larger than I am. [...]"

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Original post: http://mindingourway.com/dark-not-colorless/

Find Nate Soares at http://mindingourway.com

Find Gianluca Truda at http://gianlucatruda.com

Replacing Guilt is written by Nate Soares and produced, with permission, by Gianluca Truda. The theme music is a remix of Algorithms by Chad Crouch.

Dec 02, 202005:51
31 The best you can
Nov 25, 202004:23
30 Transmute guilt into resolve

30 Transmute guilt into resolve

"Most of the time, if something is hurting you, I recommend making it stop. There is one exception, though..."

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Original post: http://mindingourway.com/transmute-guilt-i/

Find Nate Soares at http://mindingourway.com

Find Gianluca Truda at http://gianlucatruda.com

Replacing Guilt is written by Nate Soares and produced, with permission, by Gianluca Truda. The theme music is a remix of Algorithms by Chad Crouch.

Oct 29, 202008:39
29 Come to your terms
Oct 22, 202010:07
28 Have no excuses

28 Have no excuses

"If you have an excuse prepared, you will be tempted to fall back on it. An excuse makes failure more acceptable, in some way. It's a license to fail."

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Original post: http://mindingourway.com/have-no-excuses/

"But you know about the planning fallacy"

"a wonderful opportunity for self-signaling"

Find Nate Soares at http://mindingourway.com

Find Gianluca Truda at http://gianlucatruda.com

Replacing Guilt is written by Nate Soares and produced, with permission, by Gianluca Truda. The theme music is a remix of Algorithms by Chad Crouch.

Oct 15, 202014:42
27 Simply locate yourself

27 Simply locate yourself

"... Maybe some part of you is pushing against reality, trying to deny it, willing the past to change."

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Original post: http://mindingourway.com/simply-locate-yourself/

Find Nate Soares at http://mindingourway.com

Find Gianluca Truda at http://gianlucatruda.com

Replacing Guilt is written by Nate Soares and produced, with permission, by Gianluca Truda. The theme music is a remix of Algorithms by Chad Crouch.

Oct 08, 202008:46
26 Detach the grim-o-meter

26 Detach the grim-o-meter

"I'm betting that the last three posts have given many readers an incorrect impression about my demeanor. It's  easy to read those posts and conclude that I must be a grim, brooding  character who goes around with his jaw set all day long.

Which is understandable, but silly. You don't need to carry a grim demeanor to draw strength from seeing the dark world. It's quite  possible to deeply want the world to be different than it is, and tap  into a deep well of cold resolve, and still also be curious, playful,  and relaxed in turn.

This isn't a story, and we don't need to pretend to archetypes."

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Original post: http://mindingourway.com/detach-the-grim-o-meter/

Find Nate Soares at http://mindingourway.com

Find Gianluca Truda at http://gianlucatruda.com

Replacing Guilt is written by Nate Soares and produced, with permission, by Gianluca Truda. The theme music is a remix of Algorithms by Chad Crouch.

Sep 30, 202005:40
25 Choose without suffering

25 Choose without suffering

"When given a choice between bad and worse, you need to be able to choose "bad", without qualm."

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Original post: http://mindingourway.com/choose-without-suffering/

Find Nate Soares at http://mindingourway.com

Find Gianluca Truda at http://gianlucatruda.com

Replacing Guilt is written by Nate Soares and produced, with permission, by Gianluca Truda. The theme music is a remix of Algorithms by Chad Crouch.

Sep 23, 202006:24
24 See the dark world

24 See the dark world

"Consider fictional Carol, who has convinced herself that she doesn't  need to worry  about the suffering of people who live far away. She  works to improve her local community, and donates to her local church.  She's a kind and loving woman, and she does her part, and (she reasons)  that's all anyone can be expected to do.

Now consider fictional Dave, who failed a job interview. When telling  his friends the story, he emphasizes how the interviewers were biased  against him, and how they asked stupid questions.

Meanwhile, driven by hunger, a fox tries to reach some grapes hanging  high on the vine but is unable to, although he leaps with all his  strength. As he goes away, he remarks "Oh, you aren't even ripe yet! I don't need any sour grapes."

All of these reactions — and many others — share a common kernel.  Carol, Dave, and the fox are all inventing reasons why an unpleasant  state of affairs is acceptable. They're not inventing reasons why the  world is good, by any means; but they are putting forth cognitive effort to make it seem tolerable."

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Original post: http://mindingourway.com/see-the-dark-world/

Allegory of the Dragon: https://anchor.fm/guilt/episodes/23-The-value-of-a-life-eja6s1

Remember the litany of Gendlin.

See also: leaving yourself a line of retreat.

Find Nate Soares at http://mindingourway.com

Find Gianluca Truda at http://gianlucatruda.com

Replacing Guilt is written by Nate Soares and produced, with permission, by Gianluca Truda. The theme music is a remix of Algorithms by Chad Crouch.

Sep 15, 202014:41
23 The value of a life

23 The value of a life

"If you have money and want to save lives, you had better put a price on life. Scott Alexander explains it better than I can. But don't mix up the price of a life with the value of a life. I see this happen all too frequently. To correct this mistake, I'm going to tell a little story..."

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Original post: http://mindingourway.com/the-value-of-a-life

Some of us work in the mines to make the dragon's tax. Others prepare for the day we will confront the dragon — for the weapons we must bring to bear will be powerful indeed, and may prove difficult to aim.

Pledging 10% of your earnings to an effective cause is a difficult achievement worthy of great acclaim.

Find Nate Soares at http://mindingourway.com

Find Gianluca Truda at http://gianlucatruda.com

Replacing Guilt is written by Nate Soares and produced, with permission, by Gianluca Truda. The theme music is a remix of Algorithms by Chad Crouch.

Sep 10, 202017:08
22 Being unable to despair

22 Being unable to despair

"Sometimes, when people see that their life is about to get a lot  harder, they start buckling down. Other times, they start despairing, or  complaining, or preparing excuses so that they can have one ready when  the inevitable failure hits, or giving up entirely and then failing with abandon.  These next few posts assume that you have the former demeanor, and they  might not be helpful to people who are inclined to respond to new  difficulties with despair. Remember the law of equal and opposite advice! (For every person who needs a certain piece of advice, there is someone else who needs the opposite advice.) 

With that said, I'm going to spend a few words giving some tips about how to have the former demeanor, if you want to."

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Original post: http://mindingourway.com/being-unable-to-despair/

Find Nate Soares at http://mindingourway.com

Find Gianluca Truda at http://gianlucatruda.com

Replacing Guilt is written by Nate Soares and produced, with permission, by Gianluca Truda. The theme music is a remix of Algorithms by Chad Crouch.

Sep 04, 202005:22
21 Residing in the mortal realm

21 Residing in the mortal realm

"Many people hold themselves to a very different standard than they hold others. They hold themselves accountable for failing to do the psychologically impossible. They fret over past mistakes and treat themselves as failed gods, rather than ambitious monkeys. This condemning-of-the-self can lead to great guilt, with all its negative effects.

My suggestion for dealing with guilt, roughly speaking, is to first focus your guilt, by dispelling the guilt that comes from not doing what other people think you should or from from false obligations,  and shifting all your guilt into guilt about the fact that you have not  yet made the future how you want it to be. Then, once your guilt is  focused there, remember that you are a denizen of the mortal realm."

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Original post: http://mindingourway.com/residing-in-the-mortal-realm/

Find Nate Soares at http://mindingourway.com

Find Gianluca Truda at http://gianlucatruda.com

Replacing Guilt is written by Nate Soares and produced, with permission, by Gianluca Truda. The theme music is a remix of Algorithms by Chad Crouch.

Sep 01, 202006:09
20 There are no "bad people"

20 There are no "bad people"

"I confess, I do not know what it would mean for somebody to be a "bad  person." I do know what it means for somebody to be bad at achieving  the goals they set for themselves. I do know what it means for someone  to be good at pursuing goals that I dislike. I have no idea what it  would mean for a person to "be bad."

I know what it means for a person to lack skill in a specific area. I  know what it means for a person to be procrastinating. I know what it  means for a person to be acting under impulses that they don't endorse,  such as spite or disgust. I know what it means for someone to fail to  act as they wish to act. I know what it means for someone to hurt other  people, either on purpose or with a feeling of helpless resignation.

But I don't know what it would mean for a person to "be bad." That  fails to parse. People don't have a hidden stone deep inside their brain  that is either green or red depending on whether they are good or bad.  "Badness" is not a fundamental property that a person can have. At best,  "they're bad" can be shorthand for either "I don't want their goals  achieved" or "they are untrained in a number of skills which would be  relevant to the present situation"; but in all cases, "they are bad"  must be either shorthand or nonsense."

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Original post: http://mindingourway.com/there-are-no/

Find Nate Soares at http://mindingourway.com

Find Gianluca Truda at http://gianlucatruda.com

Replacing Guilt is written by Nate Soares and produced, with permission, by Gianluca Truda. The theme music is a remix of Algorithms by Chad Crouch.

Aug 25, 202009:09
19 Self compassion
Aug 20, 202008:02
18 Where coulds go

18 Where coulds go

"Most people don't think they "could" cure Alzheimers by snapping  their fingers, and so they don't feel terrible about failing to do this.

By contrast, people who fail to resist overeating, or who fail to  stop playing Civilization at a reasonable hour, feel strongly that they  "could have" resisted, and take this as a license to feel terrible about  their decisions.

As I said last week, most people have broken "coulds. 

Willpower is scarce in this world. Sometimes, you can will yourself  out of a mental rut you're in, but only rarely; more often, sheer force  of will alone is not sufficient. If your plan to stop staying up too  late playing Civilization is "well I'll just force myself harder next  time," then this plan is doomed to failure. If it didn't work last time,  it likely won't work next time. Willpower is a stopgap, not a remedy."

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Original post: http://mindingourway.com/where-coulds-go/

Find Nate Soares at http://mindingourway.com

Find Gianluca Truda at http://gianlucatruda.com

Replacing Guilt is written by Nate Soares and produced, with permission, by Gianluca Truda. The theme music is a remix of Algorithms by Chad Crouch.

Aug 15, 202006:07
17 Not yet gods

17 Not yet gods

"You probably don't feel guilty for failing to snap your fingers in just such a way as to produce a cure for Alzheimer's disease.

Yet, many people do feel guilty for failing to work until they drop every single day (which is a psychological impossibility). They feel guilty for failing to magically abandon behavioral patterns they dislike, without practice or retraining (which is a cognitive impossibility). What gives?"

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Original post: http://mindingourway.com/not-yet-gods/

Find Nate Soares at http://mindingourway.com

Find Gianluca Truda at http://gianlucatruda.com

Replacing Guilt is written by Nate Soares and produced, with permission, by Gianluca Truda. The theme music is a remix of Algorithms by Chad Crouch.

Aug 12, 202004:47
16 Be a new homunculus
Aug 06, 202006:13
15 Update from the suckerpunch
Aug 03, 202006:18
14 Don't steer with guilt
May 30, 202008:46
13 Shifting guilt
May 26, 202009:37
12 Rest in motion

12 Rest in motion

"Many people seem to think the 'good' state of being, the 'ground' state, is a relaxed state, a state with lots of rest and very little action. Because they think the ground state is the relaxed state, they act like maintaining any other state requires effort, requires suffering.

This is a failure mode that I used to fall into pretty regularly. I would model my work as a finite stream of tasks that needed doing. I'd think "once I've done the laundry and bought new shoes and finished the grocery shopping and fixed the bugs in my code and finished the big refactor, everything will be in order, and I'll be able to rest." And in that state of mind, every new email that hit my inbox, every new bug discovered in my code, every tool of mine that wore down and needed repair, would deal me damage.

I was modeling my work as finite, with the rest state being the state where all tasks were completed, and so every new task would push me further from that precious rest state and wear me down.

But the work that needs to be done is not a finite list of tasks, it is a neverending stream. Clothes are always getting worn down, food is always getting eaten, code is always in motion. The goal is not to finish all the work before you; for that is impossible. The goal is simply to move through the work. Instead of struggling to reach the end of the stream, simply focus on moving along it."

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Original post: http://mindingourway.com/rest-in-motion/

Find Nate Soares at http://mindingourway.com

Find Gianluca Truda at http://gianlucatruda.com

Replacing Guilt is written by Nate Soares and produced, with permission, by Gianluca Truda. The theme music is a remix of Algorithms by Chad Crouch.

May 03, 202008:34
11 Working yourself ragged is not a virtue

11 Working yourself ragged is not a virtue

"Part 1 was about replacing the listless guilt: if someone feels vaguely guilty for not really doing anything with their life, then the best advice I can give is to start doing something. Find something to fight for. Find a way that the world is not right, and decide to change it. Once the guilt is about failing at a specific task, then we can start addressing it.

Part 2 was about refusing to treat your moral impulses as obligations. Be wary of the word should, which tries to force an obligation upon you. I recommend refusing to do anything just because you "should": Insofar as that sets you free, the obligations were false ones. Insofar as that sparks fear that something important won't get completed, seek out the cause of the worry, and complete the task because you want to see it done, rather than because you "should."

However, having something to change in the world and being free of false obligations is not anywhere near enough to replace guilt motivation. In fact, I think that most guilt in most people comes from a different source: it comes from people honestly deciding that X is what they want to do and then finding themselves not doing X anyway."

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Original post: http://mindingourway.com/stop-before-you-drop/

Find Nate Soares at http://mindingourway.com

Find Gianluca Truda at http://gianlucatruda.com

Replacing Guilt is written by Nate Soares and produced, with permission, by Gianluca Truda. The theme music is a remix of Algorithms by Chad Crouch.

Apr 15, 202008:51
10 Your "shoulds" are not a duty
Mar 10, 202010:25
09 Not because you "should"
Mar 06, 202009:03
08 "Should" considered harmful
Mar 03, 202009:55
07 You don't get to know what you're fighting for

07 You don't get to know what you're fighting for

"A number of my recent posts may have given you the impression that I know exactly what I'm fighting for. If someone were to ask you, "hey, what's that Nate guy trying so hard to do," you might answer something like "increase the chance of human survival," or "put an end to unwanted death" or "reduce suffering" or something.

This isn't the case. I mean, I am doing those things, but those are all negative motivations: I am against Alzheimer's, I am against human extinction, but what am I for?

The truth is, I don't quite know. I'm for something, that's for damn sure, and I have lots of feelings about the things that I'm fighting for, but I find them rather hard to express.

And in fact, I highly doubt that anyone knows quite what they're fighting towards — though it seems that many people think they do, and that is in part why I'm writing this post."

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Original post: http://mindingourway.com/you-dont-get-t/

The comic "My Hero" by Matt Rhodes: http://mindingourway.com/content/images/2015/05/MyHero.jpg

Find Nate Soares at http://mindingourway.com

Find Gianluca Truda at http://gianlucatruda.com

Replacing Guilt is written by Nate Soares and produced, with permission, by Gianluca Truda. The theme music is a remix of Algorithms by Chad Crouch.

Feb 28, 202009:54
06 Caring about something larger than yourself

06 Caring about something larger than yourself

"In my last post, I said that in order to address the listless guilt, step zero is believing that you can care about something, and step one is finding something to care about. This post is about step one."

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Original post: http://mindingourway.com/caring-about-some/

Find Nate Soares at http://mindingourway.com

Find Gianluca Truda at http://gianlucatruda.com

Replacing Guilt is written by Nate Soares and produced, with permission, by Gianluca Truda. The theme music is a remix of Algorithms by Chad Crouch.

Feb 23, 202015:48
05 You're allowed to fight for something

05 You're allowed to fight for something

"The first sort of guilt I want to address is the listless guilt, that vague feeling one gets after playing video games for twelve hours straight, a guilty feeling that you should be doing something else. Many people in my local friend group don't suffer from the listless guilt, because many people in my sphere are effective altruists who feel a very acute and specific sense of guilt when they think they've spent their time poorly. Specific guilt tends to be as bad or worse than the listless guilt, but before I address specific guilt, I need to confront the listless guilt." ...

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Original post: http://mindingourway.com/youre-allowed-to-fight-for-something/

Find Nate Soares at http://mindingourway.com

Find Gianluca Truda at http://gianlucatruda.com

Replacing Guilt is written by Nate Soares and produced, with permission, by Gianluca Truda. The theme music is a remix of Algorithms by Chad Crouch.

Feb 21, 202010:03
04 The Stamp Collector
Feb 17, 202009:37
03 Failing with Abandon

03 Failing with Abandon

Transcript: http://mindingourway.com/failing-with-abandon/

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"Over and over, I see people set themselves a target, miss it by a little, and then throw all restraint to the wind. "Well," they seem to think, "willpower has failed me; I might as well over-indulge." I call this pattern "failing with abandon."

But you don't have to fail with abandon. When you miss your targets, you're allowed to say "dang!" and then continue trying to get as close to your target as you can..."

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Find Nate Soares at http://mindingourway.com

Find Gianluca Truda at http://gianlucatruda.com

Replacing Guilt is written by Nate Soares and produced, with permission, by Gianluca Truda. The theme music is a remix of Algorithms by Chad Crouch.

Feb 10, 202002:11
02 Half-assing it with everything you've got

02 Half-assing it with everything you've got

Transcript: http://mindingourway.com/half-assing-it-with-everything-youve-got
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I worry that guilt and shame are unhealthy long-term motivators. In many of my friends, guilt and shame tend to induce akrasia, reduce productivity, and drain motivation. So over the next few weeks, I'll be writing a series of posts about removing guilt/shame motivation and replacing it with something stronger.

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Find Nate Soares at mindingourway.com

Find Gianluca Truda at gianlucatruda.com

Replacing Guilt is written by Nate Soares and produced, with permission, by Gianluca Truda. The theme music is a remix of Algorithms by Chad Crouch.

Feb 08, 202015:46
01 Replacing guilt

01 Replacing guilt

Transcript: http://mindingourway.com/replacing-guilt
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In my experience, many people are motivated primarily by either guilt, shame, or some combination of the two. Some are people who binge-watch television, feel deeply guilty about it, and convert that guilt into a burning need to Actually Do Something on the following day. Others are people who feel guilty whenever they stop working before they literally fall over from exhaustion, and in attempts to avoid that guilty feeling, they consistently work themselves weary.

I find that using guilt as a motivation source is both unhealthy and inefficient, but yet, I find it to be a common practice, especially among effective altruists.

Thus, in the coming series of posts, I'm going to explore a whole slew of tools for removing guilt-based motivation and replacing it with something that is both healthier and stronger...

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Find Nate Soares at http://mindingourway.com

Find Gianluca Truda at http://gianlucatruda.com

Replacing Guilt is written by Nate Soares and produced, with permission, by Gianluca Truda. The theme music is a remix of Algorithms by Chad Crouch.

Jan 21, 202003:45