Hardcasters

Now listen carefully 007... That's right, DePlume and Visage are talking about Bond, James. Bond. James Bond.

The Living Daylights is an absolute belter and only marginally ahead of our own Bond-style pitch. So get those buds in as this is for your EARS only. HAHAHAHHAHAHHAHAHAHHAHAHAHA

The boys are back after a winter hiatus with Judge Dredd. By Drokk we love this movie and will give anyone who disagrees 10 years in the cubes! What's that you say? "it's awful?"

We KNEW you'd say that.

We watched Expendables 4 so that you don't have to. Then, to lighten the mood, we imagined what would happen to the Home Guard if they encounter The Predator.

HARPY HORRORdays! Yes, it's Halloween; the spookiest of seasons and we here at Hardcasters are getting in on the AXE. This is a MONSTER episode, where we DIG UP horror/action/superhero FRANKENSTEIN of a movie; SPAWN. We get into the crafting of this movie (cos we LOVECRAFT) then bring forth extra chuckles and MORE-HEEs (VORHEES) with our customary PITCH(FORK?). We guarantee a BRUNDLE of facts and a SKELE-TON of fun.

Have a great NIGHT(MARE) everyone!

After last episode's live commentary we're gather our thoughts on Van Damme's time-travelling romp and then we get to pitch an idea with a title that's been knocking around in our heads for years!

Nobody likes change but DePlume and Visage always like to shake things up. It's just the kind of rule-breaking bucks they are. And so, rather than talk about this week's movie in retrospect, join us for our first ever live commentary.

To make the experience extra exciting, queue up Timecop and watch along with us.

Whatever you choose be sure to join us next week for our post-viewing thoughts and our own, quite magnificent, pitch.

We're back from our Summer holidays! Dick has rinsed out his bucket and spade and Dom has applied aftersun to some especially delicate areas of flesh. So what better way to see in the Autumn but letting everyone down with smut. Yes, we tackle the sluggish troughs and lurid peaks of mid-nineties direct to video memory-loss thriller Timebomb. We then try to pitch a film that's all peak but instead create a filthy monster for which we are not proud. Consider this an advance apology...

Maybe a little bit proud.

You know what we have? We have... nothing that can't be cured with antibiotics. We also have our Masters of the Universe episode! This much maligned fantasy epic is given its due and then we ramble our way through our third in the "Tosh Trilogy"! This episode will give YOU the power!

Visage and DePlume develop a MANIA for WRESTLING... we are maniacs for wrestle... mania...

This week is about wrestling. Kind of. First, we looked at the pilot episode for an un-produced series about two wrestlers who become cops starring non-other than "Rowdy" Roddy Piper and Jesse "The Body" Ventura. Sounds great right? Ahem.

Then "Vigorous" Dick Visage and Dom "The Leg" DePlume pitch our own mega-epic featuring all your favourite WWF classics.

This episode is a KNOCKOUT!!!

We delve back into the sad greys of 70s British television to explore the murky but action-packed goings-on in the seminal cop series The Sweeney!

Then, as expected, we pitch our own 70s cop show. Listen, or we'll NICK YOU!

If DePlume and Visage haven't tested the patience of their audience with their self-indulgent meanderings through 70's and 80's minor British celebrities then this episode might just do it. Yes, we talk about Fast and Furious 8 which, in an unplanned bit of synchronicity, lines up with the release of the latest instalment in cinemas.

Anyway, blah blah... Vin Diesel... blah... submarine chase... blah... weren't they supposed to be car thieves?... let's cut to the good stuff: Imagine if a team of expert Snooker players were recruited to save the world from an Asteroid worshipping cult! Yeah? yeah. Strap yourself in baby 'cos we about to get loopy.

DePlume and Visage are both pleasantly surprised by Broken Arrow; a film neither had seen in quite some time. Then, they pitch their own take on the head-to-head, race against time actioner that pits Oliver Reed against a flamboyant Charles Grodin and his worm-manipulating Earthquake machine. Money in the bank.

DePlume and Visage revisit the British SAS action series for the first time in a long time and find it... um... well, you'll see.

It's time to pay tribute to the movie that launched Statham's action career! The Transporter is full of the things we love; fights, chases, oiled up torsos... it's got it all. And if that's not enough, Visage and DePlume herald the triumphant return of Tosh lines in his sequel that is equally chock-full of great stuff; fights, chases, appalling torsos... y'know. So strap in and prepare to be TRANSPORTED to a world full of action. and torsos. Mostly torsos.

Strap on your furry pants people as Visage and DePlume explore a world of high adventure and questionable lizard masks. More importantly, we imagine a world where Chuck Norris made a swords 'n' sorcery movie. Enjoy!

We LOVE Dolph Lundgren's Punisher here at Hardcaster's HQ (a converted kebab van) and so it was only a matter of time before we poured our love over it. Oh... that sounds horrible, sorry. We also consider what an Avengers Movie might have been like had it been made using the action stars of th... sorry, no. I'll have to stop. I just can't get that horrible image out of my head.

We're back for season 2! It's Valentine's day and what better way to celebrate than with the greatest love story of all time: Tango & Cash. Let Visage and DePlume hold you tenderly by the hand and walk you though a story of a love that endures prison electrocution, elaborate demonstrations of evil plans and Brion James' accent(s). 

As always we'll also pitch you an alternative movie, because although we've been a bit distant lately we really do love you.

x

They're back! After a hiatus filled with apocalyptic misery the Hardcasters return with a bumper action hamper with a Christmas twist. Strap yourselves in, grab some booze and some snacks (they did) and transport to a world of Dickensian magic and hard action.

It'a that time of year again and while we wait for our exciting Season 2 launch (watch this space) we thought we'd drop this extra special gift down your ear chimney. Merry Christmas!

It's our season finale! It doesn't taken long into our review of The Last Action Hero to join the dots and realise it's basically Planet Hollywood: The Movie; so we go ahead and pitch that movie! What a way to see out season 1!

Mortal Kombat is back and we at Hardcasters want to celebrate by revisiting the much maligned sequel to the fondly remembered 1995 adaptation. Then, we pitch the ultimate video game adaptation and discuss Jet from Gladiators a bit more.

We deep dive into the Scott Adkins masterpiece (yes, we said masterpiece) before finding ourselves curiously unsatisfied after we finally get to pitch our action take on Eastenders. Maybe you shouldn't get everything you want. Hmm...

Five for the price of one! You get two Van Dammes and three bears as we revisit the action classic and unearth an aborted project featuring Danny DeVito, Bob Hoskins and Phil Collins.

Not only is Eliminators one of DePlume's all time favourites it might be one of the best movies ever made. That's right. BEST MOVIE EVER. Visage, of course, hasn't seen it. So get comfy as DePlume takes you through this masterpiece, you won't regret it.

McQueen, Swayze and Norris all in the same movie? Too good to be true right? Right? Well... Visage takes DePlume to school on all things Death Ring in this weeks exciting episode.

Visage and DePlume got back to nature as we tackle Seagal's spiritual action-opus then we pitch our ultimate eco-movie which might include the most disgusting sound ever recorded. Look forward to that.

The more you see the less you know. We've seen Showdown in Little Tokyo a LOT and have less idea about what is happening than we did on first viewing. But who cares? Lundgren, Lee, Carrere, Tagawa and the best villain death we covered in 23 episodes. Then we go a little crazy with our pitch. Ahem. 

Michael Jai White owns the screen for 90s minutes in this great little underground fighting movie. Come for the discussion on how he defies the laws of physics and oozes charisma then stay for Visage and DePlume's sequel pitch featuring a talking dog.

Escape From New York is a stone cold action classic so we at Hardcasters, of course, spend an hour and change zeroing in on its much maligned sequel. Spoiler alert - we like a lot of what we find. 

We then pitch our vision for a long overdue threequel that we think has a chance of getting greenlit. Hopefully the bigwigs at Hollywood are listening. Our average audience is about 11 people, so statistically one of them has GOT to be a big-time Producer right?

It's rare that Scott Adkin's name does not come up in our podcasts, such is DePlume's reverence for the man. Since last week we were immersed in the world of Universal Soldier, and since Visage had yet to see Day of Reckoning, we thought this would be the first of Adkin's films we'd cover. So strap in for this mind-blowing, skull-crunching martial arts nightmare masterpiece.

Visage and DePlume dabble with the undead in this weeks episode as we turn our attention to Universal Soldier. If that wasn't enough, we pitch a movie where a waxwork cop chases a criminal on a penny farthing. It's like Christmas hasn't ended.

DePlume and Visage take on another titan of the action canon with the mighty Cobra then ponder how cinema, no... LIFE would have been changed by a late-eighties, Stallone-led Thundercats live action movie. Once you've heard what might have been you'll never feel complete again.

You'd think a movie with Hulk Hogan, Carl Weathers, Shannon Tweed, Billy Drago, Trevor Goddard and Martin Kove would be a joyous,  slam-dunk of an action movie. Yeah, we thought that too. Still, we have some fun talking about it and, as always, pitch a pretty sweet alternative starring none other than Jet from Gladiators!

So this is Christmas and what have you done?

Well, we've done a Christmas special that encompasses all of the things that make a traditional Christmas, in that it probably goes on too long and you may feel a little sick afterwards. 

However you spend the next two weeks, try and enjoy yourselves. 

Merry Christmas

x

For the first time in a LONG time Visage and DePlume revisit the out-of-canon Bond from 1983 and find a treasure-trove filled with hi-tech motorcycles, single-entendres, age-gaps and toxic urine. It's an interesting film, we'll give it that.

Then stick around as we pitch a hyper-violent Gina Gershon lead cyberpunk cold-war movie that, frankly, might be the greatest film never made. I know we say that about all our pitches but this time we mean it.

Road House is a perfect movie. Almost. 

This, is a perfect podcast episode. Except for long sections of juvenile laughter. And all the other reasons.

Y'know what? It's an awesome movie and we have a pretty good stab and analysing and a bloody good time coming up with our own version. let's just leave it at that shall we?

DePLume and Visage finish what they started! They round out their proposed Commando trilogy with a third entry that sees Klaus Kinski firing lightning from his hands! What are you waiting for? Get stuck in!

It was only a matter of time. In this momentous episode DePlume and Visage finally take on the action behemoth that is Commando. So important, so genre-defining is this film that it burst out of the confines of a single episode into two epic parts!

In Part 1 the two French students of justice-seeking talk about the film itself, add some new keywords to its imdb page and then pitch what could of been its sequel!

Visage and DePlume tuck into one of their all-time favourites: Who Dares Wins AKA The Final Option. This loose re-staging of the embassy siege has some wonderful action beats and is a showcase for utterly brilliant Lewis Collins. Check it out!

Finally, Visage and DePlume get to John Woo and, as is our want, we avoid his biggies and head to a less talked about, but utterly awesome, work of his. Strap in!

Piper! Banks! Toughness! Deadliness! Tough and Deadly might not have the scale or verve of our favourite action movies but it has a charm that shouldn't be ignored. Plus the keywords, pitches and all our usual nonsense. 

DePlume and Visage revisit Jaguar Lives, a martial arts movie that comes frustratingly close to greatness. What? That not enough? Well how about we pitch a Ric Flair spy movie and provide invaluable advice for those seeking justice? And all for the price of £0. If that's not a bargain I don't know what is.

Let's Rothrock and Roll with Lady Dragon! Then buckle-up as Visage and DePLume pitch not one, not two but THREE movies with the Blank Canvas trilogy. We're amazing really. And you're not so bad yourselves.

The Hardcasters LOVE Wesley Snipes and we think he owns Demolition Man. So listen to us blather on about how he steals this movie (from some stiff competition) and then pitch a film where he enters an international fighting tournament run by Noel Edmunds.

Action Jackson often gets overlooked and DePlume and Visage are not happy about it. Join us as we delve into this joyful action romp and then imagine what kind of justice Carl Weathers would bring as Mayor of a quaint seaside town.

DePlume and Visage go deep into the world of undercover prison serial-killer fighting. Then, we pitch futuristic sports movie Hot Balls. It's like  Christmas and your Birthday all in one. God bless us.

DePlume and Visage go head-to-head with intergalactic drug-dealers in Dolph Lundgren's sci-fi action classic. Then, we pitch a film where the Swedish beast plays a homeless person who must complete in the Winter Olympics to avenge his wife's death, or something. 

The Hardcasters tuck into Chuck Norris' Neo-Western then ponder a world where the bearded fury got to headline a Space Opera. Oh what a world that would be...

DePlume and Visage close out fists over hot coals and drag the 1988 Schwarzenegger buddy-cop movie into the snow for a nappy-clad brawl. It's a fun flick for sure, but one that is weird in so many ways. 

We also pitch a movie in which Arnie and John Candy travel the world together. So what more could you want?

Dom DePlume and Dick Visage gush over the Seagal action classic, then pitch the film they feel he should have made afterwards.