Here's A Guy

Some days, we’re in pain. Physical pain, mental pain, emotional pain. Much like that Three Days Grace song, “Pain.” Except as a normal person in your 30s, your position on pain from a philosophical perspective is diametrically opposed to that of the freaky guy in that band. What was their deal? They were kind of a butt rock band, but they had a metally edge to them. Sort of like Buckcherry with an S&M vibe to them. Or like Papa Roach if he’d grown up listening to more Joy Division. There, I just referenced 4 random bands. What’s the quota for this? 5 maybe? Hoobastank. There’s another one. I like one because the name could also be a full sentence, one which would accurately describe the music the band put out.

This week we’re back to full strength, and it’s a whopper of a show. First the hosts take the “Cheer Alex Up Challenge,” during which they discuss running over chickens, the ethics of getting mad at people on mobility scooters who actively troll you, celebrities, The Masked Singer, and Super Bowl Commercials. Then it’s 3 tremendous tales of Guys, featuring the woman who was controversially executed for her role in the Lincoln assassination, a badass larger-than-life explorer who fought evil priests and Nazis, and a doctor who maneuvered his way into being a de facto king but loved it way too much for his own good.

Mary Surratt- 20:30

Peter Freuchen- 1:07:00

Johann Struensee- 1:39:45

This week marks a milestone for Here's a Guy. Or, more specifically, for our platform. Or, even more specifically, for the site we use to upload the show. See, what used to happen is that you uploaded the file and all the episode information to a site called anchor dot fm. Then, it got bought out by Spotify, and it became "Spotify for Podcasters." Functionally, that changed nothing of note. Then, this month, they made it so that you have to log in using your Spotify account rather than the old login for the site. What difference does that make? I can only assume, again, nothing, other than making it annoying for a very brief period of time as you try to remember a password you haven't had to use in forever. It does not look or work any differently. And the cool part is that that's basically what the economy is now. Just various websites and apps and social media platforms shifting around deck chairs to annoy you briefly and changing nothing of substance. Somehow, this makes money, I'm just not sure. Anyway, that's what this is now, and I just have to take it like the little piggy I am. Presumably nothing is going to be done about the genuinely dangerous conspiracy podcasts allowed to exist on this platform though. Hell world!

In stark contrast to that grouchiness, this episode was a lot of fun. It's a two man show this week with Alex and Jack, as Cody is out on "vacation." We'll get an update in the intro, plus discuss our favorite types of vacations and tell some more college stories. Then it's two tales of Guys, featuring a prolific counterfeiter who drew the ire of a famous scientist, and the Lincoln co-conspirator who was too chicken to hold up his end of the deal (although it may have been better if he had).

William Chaloner- 23:22

George Atzerodt- 51:40

I had a random state holiday off today. One of those holidays that honors a terrible person, but you get a day off work anyway, so who's gonna complain. I actually think that's more appropriate. If you were living a day named after a terrible person AND you had to go to work, that would just be insulting. Maybe that could be the compromise to get us to the 4-day work week that has been empirically proven to improve quality of life and we desperately need but won't get because our economy is run by complete bastards. If we just declare one government holiday every single week, then we end up in the same place, and we can name the day after whoever the bourgeoise pigdogs want. It can even be after them! Yes, it would suck to look at a calendar and see Elon Musk Day, but here's the thing: if you're not in your office, and instead you're at home getting stoned in your living room at 10am, why would you be looking at a calendar anyway? Anyway, point is, I walked around the zoo this morning and saw baby tigers. They were very cute. Now I'm home writing this description. And now we go to the next paragraph, where you can read about what happens in the episode.

We start things off this week by discussing our favorite board games and weird frat guys we knew. Then it's a full 3-pack of Guy tales, including a town with some impressively bad ideas, the sad downfall of the man sitting next to Lincoln when he was shot, and a revenge-obsessed Italian military officer who experienced a type of justice reminiscent of a previous topic.

Florence, Oregon- 26:56

Henry Rathbone- 50:05

Farinata degli Uberti- 1:27:18

As the title suggests, we have no title this week. This was a deliberate choice, and an act of protest until our demands are met. Given the news, I should point out that this act of protest is very different than those of various college students around the country right now. The key differences are that those protests are cool and commendable, whereas this is a lame bit for a podcast. We're protesting the despicable U.S. copyright system for allowing copyrights for beloved cartoon characters to expire. I don't want to log on to the internet and see heroes of this nation like Micky Mouse and Winnie the Pooh being drawn to suck each other off. It lacks moral fiber. I feel like that was in the news like 2 months ago and everyone has already moved on. Such is the nature of our digital world.

This week, we have a full crew of hosts but only two topics, as Cody was too busy in the broadcasting mines to write an outline. Thankfully, Alex and Jack bring you two tales of intriguing historical events, one shrouded in mystery, the other all too obvious. First we have arguably the worst of a team of shitheads who was so irresponsible that they cause a massive riverboat disaster, then we have a highly-debated topic of whether it's problematic to conclude that a bunch of ancient people ate each other.

Captain George A. Williams- 30:15

The Incident at Cowboy Wash- 1:16:04

It’s a beautiful chilly night. The house is quiet save for the pitter patter of rain hitting the windows. The sort of idyllic night they try to replicate on those YouTube live channels for you to fall asleep to. Those are some kind of racket, huh? Collect a little ad revenue from video startup, then it doesn’t matter that much what you put into the video because it either works right away or it doesn’t. The point is, it’s a lovely evening, and here I am, typing this, staring at the bright-ass screen of my laptop with the obnoxiously loud broken fan. Is this a metaphor for life? I don’t think so. I think it’s just something that’s happening. It does get the mind wondering though. Maybe I’ll have a handful of chips. That’ll stamp that shit out right quick.

This week we’re honored to be joined by our good friend John Fleming of STL Bullpen, joining us for his third appearance. You may also be able to guess what that means- it’s a baseball episode. We start things off with an impassioned promo from JackJohn about his love-hate relationship with the Miami Marlins. Then, it’s 3 Guys who were involved in the world of baseball in some way, featuring the weird religious zealot who started a famous pizza chain, the many wacky antics of the worst scab player of all time, and a dwarf hired for an iconic ballpark gimmick.

JackJohn's Marlins Segment - 28:12
Tom Monaghan - 39:00
Billy Maharg - 01:25:10
Eddie Gaedel - 02:08:11

There comes a time in every podcaster's life where he must make some choices. The choice to thoroughly plan things out and put out an improved product that may gain some traction, or to continue on with the same level of quality and use that as a bit. Both have their merits. One is more noble, to be sure. But, more importantly, it's also a lot more work. It's not necessarily funnier either. The latter way is guaranteed for a laugh, just not for everyone. Some people are discerning with their podcast experience, which is odd to me. Lowbie content is a unique joy. It's like a show with some patina, if you will. What would you rather do, listen to a show where three random guys tell college stories and riff about old cartoons over stories about historical freaks, or one of those shows about serial killer where the hosts are soyfacing and doing TikTok voice the whole time? I know where I land. Let's not check out the difference in Patreon subscribers though.

This week it's a two pack of Guys (but with all three hosts...what???) both centered on the ever-joyful topic of homelessness. Despite the grim premise, it winds up being quite interesting. First we have a mentally ill man with a shocking tale of mistaken identity, then we have a guy whose heartwarming appearance with Miley Cyrus at an awards show landed him in jail.

Joshua Spriestersbach- 37:32

Jesse Helt- 1:00:30

This is Episode 111, which is kind of fun, because that's like a bunch of 1s in a row. Three of them to be precise. As far as I know, that's the first episode of Here's a Guy where it's 3 of the same numbers in a row. Monumental stuff. 111 also reminds me of that weird early 2000s indie rock band called !!! that pronounced it "chick-chick-chick." That was an obnoxious bit in a way so specific to that era. I used to see those bands get mentioned in Rolling Stone but never heard of them anywhere else. I would just read the College Radio and try to imagine what the bands sounded like without ever actually listening to them. I have no idea what !!! or Grizzly Bear or Deerhunter sounds like. I don't even know what Fleet Foxes sound like and they're famous I'm pretty sure. I'll pretend that actually makes me more cultured, in a way, when you really think about it.

This week we kick off with an update on March HaGness (voting ongoing on our Twitter!) and the ever-expanding world of weird sports betting scandals. Then it's 3 more guys, including an amateur rapper/shitposter with rhymes so edgy they ended up in front of the Supreme Court, a lonely man who invented a futuristic chess machine out of horniness, and a brilliant ne'er-do-well who orchestrated a massive prison uprising.

Anthony Douglas Elonis- 31:18

Wolfgang von Kempelen- 1:01:51

Jerry Myles- 1:30:44

Well, we're back. Back again. Like the Eminem song, you see. Just in a much more resigned presentation. That tracks, since we're three very tired amateur podcasters and he is a rather boisterous rapper. Is he really blonde? He looks like a guy who isn't actually blonde but that's how I've always pictured him. There was also a random Jackass skit where Bam Margera was blonde, then we just never saw it again. Something about that archetype of guy that enjoys dying their hair blonde to be edgy. Typically that doesn't make a lot of sense, being blonde is the furthest thing from rebellious, but I guess when your hair is naturally dark it's edgy to go the other direction with it? Like, is it ironic or is the premise there that simply the idea of reversing your hair color is the act of rebellion in and of itself? I'm not sure about all that. There was also one random bit where Steve-O had a perm that was never seen again. Presumably the copious amounts of cocaine had something to do with that.

This week we're back and at full strength for the first time in a few weeks. We get back in the swing of things with an extended discussion about times we fell down. Then it's 3 more wild and wacky Guys, featuring a French diplomat who was such an asshole it nearly sparked a war, a busty young woman's adventures in interrupting baseball games, and a composer whose love of music defined- and eventually cost him- his life.

Charles Maurice de Talleyrand- 35:19

Morganna Roberts- 1:04:20

Jean-Baptiste Lully- 1:31:00

Well, what can we say about this episode. Uh, there were two of us. It's the 109th episode, not counting bonuses. Then it would be more like the 113th I think? Not much of a distinction there. 109 and 113 are two numbers nobody cares about. When you ask somebody what their favorite numbers are, they never say 109 or 113. Why would they? They're not aesthetically pleasing and they have no significance. Are they prime numbers? Nobody even knows. Truly, it doesn't matter. They're doing their own thing. They can be NBA final scores, I guess that's the coolest thing about them. Did that kill enough time for the episode description? Are you all happy now? It's the best you're getting this week. Sue me.

Just Cody and Alex this week, and as always we find out exactly why. We begin with a Guy News Lightning Roundup, discussing the numerous Guy stories we got during the last week. Then it's a double-decker of Guys, featuring a journalist whose writing was so hackneyed it inspired a secret society and a pseudoscientist with really goofy ideas about water and vibes.

Do you ever have a day where it just seems like you malfunctioned from the get-go? You booted up incorrectly. That's an analogy, but I think it also works fairly well in the literal sense. I mean, our brain is a series of little electrical circuits, right? Isn't that kind of what the whole deal is? Encased in a wet blob of spongey meat, of course. Kind of like if you made a computer out of flan. See, this is what I'm talking about. That didn't make any goddamn sense. I'm talking about flan? I haven't even had flan in like a decade. I should, though. I enjoy a good caramel sauce. That's probably a better place to end this than whatever my original point was going to be.

It's not Mayhem Month, but incidentally a mayhem-filled episode nonetheless. Lots of carnage and existential dread, including a historical lecture and two separate trigger warnings. Yowza! We start off with another jumbo opening segment where we discuss Jack's son's birthday, pork tenderloin sandwiches, Sam's Club, and Cody's taste in musicals. Then it's three tales of Guys, featuring a runaway slave who became a martyr for American independence, a guy who did something really stupid while exploring a cave and paid the price, and an ordinary Florida slacker who got mixed up with the worst friend group of all time.

Crispus Attucks- 41:29

John Edward Jones- 1:07:17

Marty Puccio Jr.- 1:35:55

Welcome to what we consider to be an old school episode of Here's a Guy. Does that translate to the "fun-fun" aspect that we always promise up top? Probably. We hope so anyway. Nobody's taken us over to court yet over that. Another benefit of doing a show that makes no money or has any stakes, people have very little ammunition when they get mad at you. What are we supposed to do, we're just a silly little amateur show. How could we have known it's not cool to joke about the Boston Marathon bombing on the same day as another tragedy? We didn't go to some fancy podcasting school. By "old school" what we mean is that the episode is super long, all 3 topics are doozies, and the opening segment goes in a million directions. Just like the youthful old days of late 2021. Ah, what a time. It's not the full experience because the audio isn't dogshit. But nostalgia doesn't always mean something has to suck, just sometimes. Hence why vinyl records have caught on the way they have as a collector item but not, like, 8-track tapes. Nobody wants to listen to their favorite music and have it sound like it's being played inside a building you're standing outside of.

This week, after a jumbo opening segment, we have 3 pretty tremendous tales of guys, including an African-American bear hunter who changed the course of history, a German boy whose backstory is shrouded in myth, and an oafish federal agent who got in way over his head.

Holt Collier- 41:05

Kaspar Hauser- 1:12:45

Robert Lipka- 1:51:50

What is in a name? Would a rose by any other name smell as sweet? Shakespeare wrote that. I'm not sure what he meant, because the answer is obviously yes. The scent of a rose, or any other flower, comes from its pollen. I think, anyway. I could be wrong about that. But in any event, the name has nothing to do with it. So, like, why is it even a question? Is that supposed to be the point? Why say anything then? Just because he wrote a lot of big words and everyone knows who he is doesn't mean he gets it all right. In any event, this episode is called Penis McGee. Will that make the show more funny? I don't know. I guess it doesn't hurt. We're willing to try things at this point.

One of the wildest episodes we've had in awhile. We start off by talking about how much we want to kill the AI bot who records our episodes for us, plus we read two listener emails. Then, for our classic Guys segment, we're discussing a trailblazing pro wrestler, a freak who unfortunately influenced the field of education, and a stray dog who became a war hero.

Bearcat Wright – 29:00

Rudolph Steiner – 59:32

Stubby – 01:33:11

This week, Here's a Guy is taking you on a wild safari. This means that you will be exploring the wonders of our natural world. It also means that there is a not-insignificant chance you will die in the process. Also, the whole thing will feel vaguely racist in a way you can't quite put your finger on. Was there ever any particular good reason why people on safaris wore those helmets and khaki vests? Surely that was never stylist. Functionally, it makes little sense. There are a number of terrible things that could happen to you on a safari, but as far as I know, a thin helmet won't stop any of them. As far as the vest goes, the number of pockets is ideal, but why khaki? That's so boring. Maybe forest green or a nice maroon. Idiots. I'll continue to enjoy the wonders of nature from the comfort and relative safety of my couch, thankyouverymuch.

As you could maybe tell, we have a theme episode this week. We've had sporadic animal topics here and there throughout the history of the show, but this week for the very first time it's "Here's a Critter:" 3 animal topics. First a brave and apparently indestructible messenger pigeon, then a baboon who served in the Army, and finally a historically ornery sperm whale.

Cher Ami- 32:20

Corporal Jackie- 53:20

Porphyrios- 1:13:15

The weather outside is frightful. However, it's not Christmas anymore, so there's not a fun twee little song to make ourselves feel better about it. Actually, now that I think about it, is Let It Snow specifically a Christmas song? I know that's how it's looked upon, but I mean lyrically. The song is just about being inside while there is significant winter weather happening. It's also kind of about the joys of boredom. And maybe implied to kinda be about fucking? Like the consensual version of Baby It's Cold Outside. You know what, I'm going on the record right now. Let It Snow kicks ass. And that's our Here's a Guy Declaration of the Week!

This week, at long last, for the first time in almost two months, we return to a normal episode with our full 3-man cast of hosts. We have a lot of business to cover in the opening, including college football, twitter censorship, Christian rock, white people singing at bars, Alex's eBay Garfield merch buying habits, and a truly insane story from JackJohn about a presentation he saw at a church. Then it's a classic 3-pack of guys, featuring a horse trainer who lived out his dream at a tremendous cost, a teenage intern who died from inappropriate birthday kisses, and a soccer player with a unique strategy for success.

Frank Hayes- 28:13

George Spencer Millet- 47:50

Carlos Kaiser- 1:06:20

It's 2024, and we at Here's a Guy are officially pledging to change absolutely nothing. That's right, 100+ episodes in, and we clearly have this whole podcasting thing figured out. The numbers may not reflect it, the reviews may not reflect it, but we know. A true artist always knows. We won't be changing the audio quality, we won't be changing the amount of preparation that goes into each episode, and we certainly won't be changing these meandering episode descriptions. You know how to tell when a bit is truly transcendent? When literally nobody has ever commented on it in any way or even really acknowledged its existence. Clearly this just means there's nothing left to say.

This week it's a two-man show once again, this time featuring the rare combo of Alex and Jack. They read a listener email and discuss their holidays, the dentist's office, feeding pills to cats, Harry Potter, and Spotify Wrapped. Oh, and Cody died. Then it's a rather fiery two-pack of guys, featuring a man who survived a historic disaster by way of getting arrested and a school principal who organized a very flawed attempt at breaking a world record.

Ludger Sylbaris- 23:47

Marshall Layton- 48:56

Do You Hear What I Hear? It's a Holly Jolly Christmas! Joy to the World! You know what, fuck this. I had this bit planned out where I was going to write a description in all Christmas song titles, then when I actually started it I realized how much effort it was going to be. I have so little energy anymore. Also I drank too much spiked eggnog so I'm getting sluggish. Spiked eggnog is great, but the problem is that by the time you've had enough to get yourself good and tipsy, you've essentially just chugged a bunch of eggs. But I won't let that stop me. Also a good excuse to use up the nutmeg that's been in your spice cabinet for 6 years.

This week, for our Christmas episode, we unfortunately have a theme episode. I don't mean that theme episodes in general are unfortunate; usually they're a load of fun. What I mean is that the theme itself is unfortunate. That's right, folks, as the title indicates, it's Priest Week on Here's a Guy. It's also a two-man episode, this time with Alex and Cody. They start by reading two listener emails (one of which was long overdue) and do a Christmas-themed opening segment where we give out candy and lumps of coal to the people and institutions we think respectively deserve them this year. Finally, it's two stories of, you guessed it, priests. The first had some controversial ideas about Jesus then encountered a shocking twist. The second reacted to a horrific fire in maybe the worst way possible.

Arius the Heretic- 46:00

Father Don Juan Ugarte- 1:08:04

Last week the fellas hopped on a little ol' site called twitch dot tv and did something they'd never done before (except one time)- they did a live episode of the podcast called Here's a Guy. We could think of no better way than to commemorate our 100th episode. And what a celebration it was. If you were there live, that's great, but we wanted to give everyone a chance to re-live the magical moments. Video may eventually be on the Patreon, but the audio is here for you all to dive into, if you dare. Mwahaha! Sorry, I don't know what that was. We start off with some sappy sentimental reflections, then our grandest event ever, the inaugural Guy Royal Rumble, with some thrills and shocking appearances. Then, it's three titanic tales of Guys and Gals, featuring the internet's most infamous e-girl, a kooky masturbation-obsessed health nut who invented some well-known breakfast cereal, and a legend in the field of unique DWI cases.

Guy Royal Rumble- 24:41

Belle Dalphine- 1:08:13

John Harvey Kellogg- 1:49:04

Dennis LeRoy Anderson- 2:14:41

You and I in a little podcast

Buy tales of Guys with the money we've got

Set them free on Thursday at dawn

Til' one by one, they were gone

Back at base, bugs in the software

Float the message "There's Guys out there!"

Floating in the podcast sky

Ninety-nine episodes gone by.

Ninety-nine episodes

Floating in the podcast sky

One of them's called "Brown Alert"

It had host who was a guest

Your Spotify springs to life

If you're driving don't close your eyes

Also don't stare at the sky

When ninety-nine episodes go by

Remember that song? It pulled off a near impossible feat: a German talking about war and not talking completely menacing. Has never happened before or sense. Either way, this is the 99th episode of Here's a Guy. We start off with some announcements of our upcoming 100th episode festivities. We also discuss what we are- and aren't- thankful for this year. After that it's 3 tales of Guys, featuring a rather unusual Russian soldier, a dwarf whose life took a surprising turn, and a beloved hermit who took on the cruel legal system.

Momcilo Gavric- 25:17

Adam Rainer- 55:11

River Dave Lidstone- 1:12:46

October is over, meaning Mayhem Month has passed. All of the year's weirdness is behind us, everything is back to normal now. It's dark outside at 5 but it's 80 degrees. I'm sure it's all good going forward! The actual biggest change around here in October was that I bought my cat a new litter box. It was time anyway, but his strange habit of shitting up the sides of the box kinda forced by hand. The inside looked like a really gnarly Jackson Pollock painting. This one is the biggest size I could find and it's diamond-shaped to better fit him, because, as well-established, he's a big fat guy. Another bit of strangeness is that I just grabbed the box of Kellogg's "It's the Great Pumpkin Charlie Brown" branded cereal to munch on a few handfuls while I did this, and despite it being a cereal with marshmallows, I barely got any when I reached in there. Some treachery is afoot in this place.

This week, it's a two man pod, with JackJohn on the mend for reasons laid out in the episode. We start with a Guy News Roundup, as there has been a lot of wild shit going on. Then, a zany two-pack of Guys, featuring a doctor's wild theory behind his huge collection of mysterious carved stones, and the truth behind a prolific Hollywood director with no public persona.

Dr. Javier Cabrera Darquea- 31:48

Alan Smithee- 1:06:00

Good morning, world. It's Halloween, the best day of the year for those of us with a certain type of personality (depressed, annoying). The story of Halloween is that for the first decade of your life, it's about getting candy, for the second decade it's about mischief, for the third decade it's about getting laid, and then after that it's kinda whatever you make of it. Eating candy and watching horror movies and getting laid are all still in play, it's just that you have free reign to balance those things as much as you'd like. Just be prepared to deal with the consequences of doing any of those things as an old person, many of which involve feeling like shit constantly. To be honest, at a certain point that's just going to happen anyway. Many of the treats of adult like are finding ways to go from feeling like shit to feeling like shit but festively.

Well hey, maybe this year part of your Halloween will involve checking out the Mayhem Month 2023 Finale! It'll also be just fine in November I suppose, don't let me tell you how to live your life. We start things off by discussing our newest Patreon movie review (check it out, it's a doozy) and playing a game of Here's a Guy trick-or-treating. Then it's three more mayhem-filled topics, featuring an incredibly brazen con artist, an Australian family's very upsetting vacation, and a man who made mayhem his entire ethos, much to the detriment of himself and everyone around him.

Victor Lustig- 31:22

Tromp Family- 58:02

Pazuzu Algarad- 1:16:37

Wow, what an episode this was. It's what I believe the kids these days call a banger. It bangs. A real bangarang. Maybe? I don't actually know what a bangarang is, to be honest. I just remember that Skrillex song from back in the day. God, that was annoying. Man, he fell off. He was one of the biggest musicians at the world at one point, genuinely. Skrillex! That little geek and all his beep-boop music. Dubstep did not hold up despite being such a big deal. I wonder if it'll end up being the rare trend that never gets a revival. I don't think it could make sense outside of the culture of the early 2010s, which was truly heinous all around. Those were the formative years of the lives of the hosts, and now they do this show. That's probably a coincidence though.

One of our craziest episodes yet, just in time for the thick of Mayhem Month. We start off with a discussion of October festivities, Goosebumps, and our dreaded upcoming movie review. Then, three mayhem-filled topics, including a shockingly dedicated sadomasochist, the pawn in history's strangest bank robbery, and a college football game that descended into pure carnage.

Egidius Schiffer- 29:45

Brian Wells- 50:31

2006 Miami/FIU Brawl- 1:27:25

One of the many reasons why October is the King of Months is the high quality of sports content. Right now I've got the Blues game on. Game just started and we already had a guy hit the post. I guess that's something to feel good about even though it was technically a failure. That's the magic of hockey for ya. That, and how great the names are. Maybe it just sticks out because we so rarely get exposure to Northern European names otherwise. They were just talking about how the Stars have a key injury tonight and the guy is named "Roope Hintz." Absolutely preposterous. Like, if you're from Finland, is that just what your neighbors are named? The world is a magical place.

This week, we lead things off with Alex taking 3 shots of tequila and trying to survive, plus a great listener prompt. Then, Mayhem Month continues with 3 terrifying topics, including a couple famous for their castration-related exploits, the shocking truth behind a mysterious unidentified German serial killer, and a scientist committed to turning adorable animals into ruthless war machines.

John and Lorena Bobbitt- 26:06

The Phantom of Heilbronn- 48:35

Boris Zhurid- 1:08:46

Mwahahaha! Everyone, Mayhem Month is back for 2023. That's right, a whole month of spooky topics, real life horrors, and shocking conversation (for reasons other than the usual). Now that I mention it, who was the first guy to do the evil mwahaha laugh? And to what end? Monsters seem to have a poor appreciation of the element of surprise. If you were a goblin or a Dracula, and you were trying to lure a victim to eat or drink the blood of or whatever it that those people do, making noises that chill everyone else to the bone would seem to harm your output. Just generally speaking, I don't walk around life assuming that any random character is about do something terrible to me that involves draining me of my life force or harvesting my organs, but if you have green skin or scales or a laugh that sounds like Vincent Price, then yeah, I may start walking in the other direction. The nerve of these people!

We start with a discussion of our October movie watch lists and what makes a good horror flick. Then it's the first 3 topics of our full month of blood-curdling chaos, featuring a man who fell in love with a corpse, a particularly brutal Viking's particularly brutal demise, and the purveyor of the most Gen-X circus of all time.

Carl Tanzler- 27:33

Sigurd the Mighty- 59:47

Jim Rose- 1:24:19

I'm struggling to come up with an episode description this week. I almost thought about not doing it. I thought, does anyone even notice these inane ramblings? I genuinely have no idea one way or the other. In fact, even I rarely revisit them, if that tells you anything. But the reality is, everyone needs an outlet to just open up their jaw and let a bunch of crap fall out. Otherwise, it's just stuck in your head. For example, sometimes I'll play a podcast episode while I'm in the shower but I barely pay attention because I'm fully caffeinated and run through all of my most boring little riffs of the day. There are probably several different concerning things to pick out of that sentence. You'd never do that with this show though, we're far too engaging.

This week we start off with a recap of all of us hanging out over the weekend, plus Cody cuts an ad promo of our upcoming TV pilot. Then, for our famous Guys segment, we have the world's oldest bank robber, the challenging life of the last member of an indigenous South American tribe, and a cat so poorly-behaved its owner got arrested.

Red Roundtree- 22:46

Man of the Hole- 46:51

Lewis the Cat- 1:05:16

Wellll it's another week gone by. It's September, perhaps the most seasonally-ambiguous month of the year. I want to just keep my windows open but it still gets stuffy upstairs. Part of this is just the peril of living in an old house. It's 99 years old. Next year I should do something for the anniversary, but I'm not sure what that should be. I don't know how one celebrates a house's birthday, you know? It hardly even has anything to do with that, to be honest, it's more just that when anything has its 100th anniversary it feels like you should celebrate in some way. Consider it part of the human fondness for round numbers. Maybe zeroes are sexual in some way. That's why humans do most of the goofy shit they do. Eh, who knows. I have some time to think about it.

It's a two man pod this week, featuring the rare combination of Alex and JackJohn. We start off with a jumbo opening segment, starting with an episode of "Am I the Grinch?" wherein they review a recent car commercial, followed up by a St. Louis news update. Then it's two tales of guys who fought with their local governments, one involving a talking cat and the other involving a particular fetish community.

Blackie the Cat- 42:48

Ryan Polokoff- 1:06:04

Ever realize something that everyone else in the world has already realized, but you feel the need to make mention of it anyway? You have to add that whole "not an original observation" caveat to keep from getting made fun of? I had that this week when I listened to a cassette tape of Alanis Morissette's classic 1995 album "Jagged Little Pill." I don't know that I'd ever listened to it start to finish before. I realized, damn, this record has a lot of hits! Like, every song practically! Like, you figure you're getting All I Really Want and You Oughtta Know right up top, then Hand In My Pocket hits, and you're already having a hell of a time, then in the latter half, you get You Learn followed by Head Over Feet? And two songs later you get Ironic? Impossible. What a legend. Maybe that's why none of her other records ever did as well, she wrote a career's worth of bangers on one album. I think every car ride with my mom between the ages of 3 and 10 featured at least one song on the radio from that album. This has nothing to do with anything in the episode, but it's been a thing in my life I felt was worth mentioning. I've also been housing so much coffee I have an eye twitch. Many things to think about going forward.

This week we start off with a listener email and a breakdown of the opening weekend in the NFL Then, three tales of guys from all over the world, featuring a legendary Australian outlaw, an Irish town drunk who was damn near invincible, and an obnoxious aristocrat who faced steep consequences for trying to sabotage Magellan's voyage.

Moondyne Joe- 30:07

Michael Malloy- 1:03:33

Juan de Cartagena- 1:26:40

You know what, it's late. I don't have a lot left in the tank for this episode description. Here's what I'll do. In times of crisis, creative minds turn to audience participation. This episode description will be a Mad-Lib. Maybe you can kill 1 minute out of a 10 hour road trip with it to a smattering of laughter. Here we go: Ugh, it's so (adjective) out. Work has been (adjective) lately and the world is (negative adjective) but the fellas are here to help you blow off some (noun). To start things off, the guys discuss (liquor), (plural animal), (TV show from the 90s or early 2000s), (pop punk band), and the time JackJohn drank too much (alcoholic beverage) and (bodily function- past tense) in front of a bunch of girls. Then, for our (adjective) Guys segment, we have a (type of athlete) who ruined his career by liking (plural noun) a bit too much, a doctor who tried to cure (physical ailment) with (vegetable) with shocking results, and a (prestigious professional job) who tried to prove he could (method of suicide) and survive.

Ok, hopefully that was fine. What actually happens in this episode is that the fellas pay tribute to Jimmy Buffet with a special game and we finally learn what soundtrack Alex bought on vinyl two weeks ago. Then, for our Guys, we have an infamous college football fan who took out his rage on a bunch of trees, the tragic fall of an old-timey boxer who fought a bunch of guys with really funny names, and the surprising career pivot of one of football's greatest human highlight reels.

Harvey Updyke- 33:59

Tony Marino- 1:08:52

Sam McGuffie- 1:30:50

It is SO FREAKING HOT. I know we've said that before but this time we mean it. It's hot. It's hotter than a jalapeno's armpit. Hotter than Satan's toenails. Hotter than a half-bred fox in a forest fire. It's hotter than an otter's pocket. It's hotter than a three balled tom cat (not sure about that one). It may be hot, but this episode of Here's a Guy is fire! (Ugh. Sorry, been a long week). To start the episode, we discuss the weather, Animal House, and vinyl records. Then, for our patented Guys segment, we have a quack doctor whose self-cures did something super gnarly to his own face, another super ornery Wild West figure, and a criminal who proved to the cops he was a lot smarter than they thought.

William Bailey- 28:58

Clay Allison- 54:50

Michael Gonzalez- 1:11:02

It's Thursday again, and folks, I've got a bone to pick. Bone to pick? That's such an odd phrase, who came up with it? Picking bones, what does that mean? Like, in reference to graverobbing? Surely not. Maybe it's referring to, like, picking the little bits of meat and tendon off of bones after you've eaten the bulk of whatever you've been eating. I actually just did that with some supermarket chicken earlier that is currently not sitting well. I also enjoy doing that when I indulge in one of my other favorite treats, getting high off my ass and making hot wings in the air fryer. It's when I'm at my most caveman. Anyway, I forgot where I was going with this. Weird saying though. Maybe that's who I have a bone to pick with, the inventor of the saying.

This week we open with a prolonged discussion of the institution of brunch, plus some unfortunate updates from the world of sports. Then, for our relatively famous Guys segment, we're discussing the relative and namesake of a famed American figure who became his town's bully, a successful lawyer whose recurring bit to impress students led to his downfall, and a football player who got called for a simple penalty and paid a massive price.

Davy Crockett- 28:38

Garry Hoy- 45:45

Orlando Brown- 1:14:32

Men. One of the most well-known genders on earth. Of all of them in existence, men have arguably received the most press coverage and caused the most harm historically. This is where we get what we call the patriarchy- the power structure predicated on the idea that men deserve to be in charge of everything despite such strong evidence to the contrary. This week, our episode will be adding to that evidence. First, the guys have a fairly gross conversation about bug bites, poison ivy, ticks, and other outdoor maladies. They also may discover a part of the body that doesn't have a name? Then, it's two tales of Guys (oh btw, JackJohn isn't in this episode, forgot to mention), one of whom is the world's most prolific serial date & dasher, the other of whom is the short-lived coach of a legendary college football program who fumbled the bag due to his stripper-related habits.

Paul Guadalupe Gonzalez- 27:18

Mike Price- 54:01

The good news: it's nice enough out that I can sit on my porch as I write this. The bad news: this means I'm being reminded of what my yard looks like. It's a perfect storm of a bad yard-mowing situation. Last week it was oppressively hot, so hot that it you want to avoid yardwork for health purposes as much as being lazy. Then, immediately, it started raining a shitload. So now, not only will it not get dry enough to mow, but the grass is tall. What a crock of shit. I'm out here and I can hear all the crickets laughing at me. Soon they'll be sneaking into my basement where my cat will eat them and get an upset tummy. Well, that's the circle of life, or something. This week we're back to a full cast. We start by plugging the Patreon (sub on patreon.com/heresaguypod for killer bonus content!), read a listener poem, and discuss razer mishaps, Jack dying his hair, pop punk, and fedoras. Then it's 3 more fascinating Guys, featuring a man with a massive appetite for stolen groceries, yet another kooky self-surgeon, and a criminal suspect whose rights were violated in a totally farcical way.

Edward Dando- 20:24

Edward O'Neill Kane- 46:36

Warren Demesme- 1:12:29

We're just going to be up front about this. The episode description is going to be lacking this week. The reason is that the guy we make write these things is on strike. Now, we at Here's a Guy support organized labor, as we've said, so you may think we'd be establishing a dialogue to set up a more equitable working space for the description writer. Well, you would be wrong. Everything has an exception, and the description writer is one of them. Fuck him. Once we find him, he will be locked back in the Here's a Guy cellar, he will take his beatings, and he will enjoy the pork rinds we throw down there for him. And it will happen soon. Mark our words.

As for the episode itself. it's a two man operation this week, featuring a rare combination of Cody and JackJohn. They discuss pop punk, why cats would make good presidents, oh, and a pretty big piece of news- our Patreon is launching on August 1st! Subscribe for some excellent bonus content. leading off with a long-awaited movie review where we get very upset. Check it out in a few days. In the meantime, we have two tales of Guys, featuring a doctor who found himself in a tricky situation while visiting Antarctica and a British politician who cared a lot about dogs but in the wrong way.

Leonid Rogozov- 29:04

Kenneth Baker- 1:02:44

Good morning! (ooweeooweeooweeoowee) Good morning! (ooweeooweeooweeoowee) Wake up Mr. West, Mr. West, Mr. Fresh, Mister by himself he's so impressed. Man, what a great song. Great album actually. Too bad that guy's like a Nazi for some reason now. That's what we call the 2020s conundrum. Actually I feel like we haven't heard from him in awhile. Is he doing that weird thing again where he's living in the rafters of State Farm Arena like the Phantom of the Opera? That was his creative process. Surprise surprise, the end result was the most insane, unpleasant shit you've ever heard. The bizarre processes successful creative people go through really make you feel better about not being rich and famous. You may all be surprised to find out our creative process is totally normal, which I feel is reflected in the quality.

This week we start with Cody providing a surprise update, plus some strange happenings in Alex's life this week. Then it's 3 tales of guys which totally by accident form a perfect Venn Diagram! We have an activist who loved being naked all the time and met a sad end, a frightening old timey pro wrestler and the many stories surrounding his demise, and the men behind a shipwreck so awful it killed an entire industry.

Robert Opel- 26:57

Yusuf "The Terrible Turk" Ismail- 44:04

Cpt. Thomas Wastie & Donald Rankin- 1:05:35

Life, some say, is all about pain. The pain in your lower back as you enter your 30s. The pain of the oppressive daytime summer heat on your skin. The pain of your overweight cat jumping straight onto your junk. This episode, too, is about pain. Pain of repeated failure. Pain of electricity coursing through your body multiple times. Pain of your elbow ligament tearing off the bone. But you know what? Over at Here’s a Guy, we’re going to have some laughs through the pain. Or, at least we’ll try. Maybe it’ll work. Maybe it won’t. If it doesn’t, well, at least we’re not charging you for it. What did we cost you, 2ish hours? That’s nothing. You trying to tell me that you were going to accomplish something in 2ish hours? That was the 2ish hours that was going to change everything? Please. We love our listeners though, we do it all for you.

This week, Alex reveals his All-Name team from the MLB draft, and Cody shares a news bulletin about two very petty Michigan politicians. Then, 3 painful tales of Guys, including an astoundingly incompetent Russian Naval officer, a park ranger with shockingly bad luck (wink wink), and a baseball player who redeemed himself after being traded for something insane.

Zinovi Rozhdestvenski- 35:20

Roy Sullivan- 1:11:00

Ken Krahenbuhl- 1:34:10

I'm sitting out on the back porch writing this, and it's one of those summer nights where even after it gets late it's still warm out. There's also a nice breeze. It's delightful. One of those nights where the air actively feels good on your skin. Perfect. I've said before, summer nights might be my favorite combination of season/time of day there is. Unfortunately, it's offset by how awful the rest of the day is. Is there anything more depressing than stepping outside to go to work at 8am and it's already oppressively hot? You feel even more like you're about to clock in for your shift in Hell than you already did. It's going to be 102 damn degrees tomorrow. Ain't nobody got time for that! Remember when everybody used to say that all the time? Man, early 2010s nostalgia is going to be so bizarre when it arrives. On the other hand, the people of the hipster subculture of that era deserve no other fate than to watch other people imitate them ironically. If we're still alive by then we may get some sinister yucks out of it. But I digress.

This week we lead off with a listener email live reveal, some bonus guy content featuring an in memoriam to one of the most ridiculous sleazeballs of this era, plus we bellyache about the Canadian wildfire smoke invading our air. Then, it's 3 more tales of Guys, featuring two con artist brothers whose grandest scheme got way out of hand, a British failson who made it his life's mission to prank high society at every possible turn, and the very kind person who became a legendary carny act.

Santos & Cayetano Hernandez- 22:42

Horace de Vere Cole- 52:15

Julia Pastrana- 1:29:30

The dictionary defines "two" as "the equivalent to the sum of one and one; one less than three." In my experience, this tracks. For example, usually our show has three hosts, but this week, one of them isn't here, so that makes one fewer, which means that we have two hosts. Is that right? I've been trying to spend less time smoking pot and more time playing with my blocks. Speaking of educational experiences that often mix with intoxicants, here's this show. JackJohn is out this week, so Alex and Cody are holding it down. To make up for all of your disappointments, we have a loaded opening segment, featuring multiple listener emails, Mike Pence giving a weird speech about Garfield, the ongoing submarine situation, cats doing weird things, and a special rest in piss to one of the worst people in the world. Then it's two tales of Guys, featuring a beloved Austrian mayor with a gimmick that led to his downfall and a man with the Guinness world record to end all Guinness world records.

Hans Staininger- 37:17

Ashrita Furman- 56:29

At work the other day we were asked to share something that makes us feel vulnerable. I declined to share the horrifying reality that the inane ramblings in the episode descriptions of my podcast are often places where I do demonstrate vulnerability. For one, in an exercise where people shared very heartfelt personal experiences, I probably would have gone over poorly if I used the occasion to promote my podcast. In fact, the less the podcast comes up at work the better, most likely. I wonder if I'm more vulnerable in episode descriptions because it's just a stream of conscience spewing out. If that's the case, does that mean that my internal monologue is more thoughtful and sensitive than me? What am I supposed to do with that information? What if my subconscious becomes a sentient being and everyone likes it more than me and it steals everything I have? That sounds like an Edgar Allan Poe story, expect it sucks. This week we begin with exciting updates on two previous topics of discussion. Then, it's three fresh tales of Guys, including a man who did something extremely irresponsible with a hot air balloon in the name of love, the scientist who set off the pop culture dinosaur revolution, and the weird, frustrating origin of one of America's weird, frustrating traditions.

Monsieur de Grandpre- 16:42

John Ostrom- 44:30

Francis Bellamy- 1:02:39

I can't think of anything to say here this week. What can I say, sometimes the creative juices just stop flowing. Instead, in honor of summer, I'm going to post the lyrics to the seminal 2010 earworm "California Gurls" by Katy Perry in prose form. Ahem: I know a place where the grass is really greener. Warm, wet and wild: there must be something in the water. Sipping gin and juice, laying underneath the palm trees...the boys break their necks trying to creep a little sneak peek at us. You could travel the world, but nothing comes close to the golden coast. Once you party with us, you'll be falling in love. California girls- we're unforgettable. Daisy Dukes, bikinis on top, sun-kissed skin, so hot we'll melt your popsicle. California girls- we're undeniable. Fine, fresh, fierce, we've got it on lock. West Coast represent. Now, put your hands up. Sex on the beach (we don't mind sand in our stilettos), we freak in my Jeep (Snoop Doggy Dogg on the stereo). You could travel the world, but nothing comes close to the golden coast. Once you party with us, you'll be falling in love. California girls- we're unforgettable. Daisy Dukes, bikinis on top, sun-kissed skin, so hot we'll melt your popsicle. California girls- we're undeniable. Fine, fresh, fierce, we've got it on lock. West Coast represent. Now, put your hands up. Toned, tan, fit and ready; turn it up because it's getting heavy. Wild Wild West Coast, these are the girls I love the most. I mean the ones, I mean like she's the one. Kiss her, touch her, squeeze her buns. The girl's a freak, she drives a Jeep and lives on the beach. I'm okay. I won't play. I love the bait just like I love LA, Venice Beach, and Palm Springs. Summertime is everything. Homeboys banging out, all that ass hanging out, bikinis, zucchinis, martinis, no weenies, just the King and the Queeny. Katy, my lady, look here, baby. I'm all up on you because you're representing California. Oh yeah. California girls- we're unforgettable. Daisy Dukes, bikinis on top, sun-kissed skin, so hot we'll melt your popsicle. California girls- we're undeniable. Fine, fresh, fierce, we've got it on lock. West Coast represent. West Coast, West Coast. Now put your hands up. California, California girls, California girls, man. California, California girls.

There you go. What a dumb bit. Also, everything sucked in 2010. This week we read a listener email and give our RIP to the Iron Sheik. Then it's three very unfortunate tales of Guys, featuring an Australian fisherman with a suspicious penchant for disaster, a woman who claimed to repeatedly give birth to rabbits, and a super dumb guy who acquired a mysterious blue substance.

Howard Rodd- 16:17

Mary Toft- 51:40

Devair Alves Ferreira- 1:18:25

We're sliding into summertime at Here's a Guy, and topics may be hot, but the hosts are oh so cool. Just kidding. That's actually an interesting question. Are the hosts of Here's a Guy what can fairly be considered "cool?" I'm not talking about among, like, Gen Z. I'm talking about among society at large. The hosts are too old for being cool to Gen Z to be a worthwhile metric. No shade against them, it's just that 30 years aren't supposed to be cool to teenagers. We repulse them, and that's fine. We had our time. I remember when I had friends all stressed over Gen Z bringing back middle parts and loose-fitting jeans. They were concerned that they won't be cool anymore. Well guess what- you're not! We're geezers now! Embrace it! Also, they don't know how anything works or what's good! Have you seen how they act at concerts? Or even just out in public in general? I'm sick of altering my route so that I don't walk into the background of your dumbass TikTok. I have a job and a house. See, now that we're old, we can say stuff like that. In our opening segment this wee we mourn the loss of Becky, Queen of Carpets, and discuss other local TV commercial celebrities. Plus, we finally get the black widow spider story Cody said he was going to tell back in Episode 52. Then, it's 3 absolutely kooky tales of Guys, featuring a man who got extremely upset about a pizza commercial, an Ohio family with about the most unfortunate last name possible, and a pioneering dinosaur guy with a bunch of fun quirks.

Kenneth Noid- 30:55

A family with a name that I don't even want to type out- 50:13

William Buckland- 1:10:38

What a week. Whaaaat a week. What a weekarooni. Quite the week indeed. As you can tell, we've reach a time of year where you're not quite firing on all cylinders. Everything moving around, you're not sleeping great, you're not eating great, your brain just isn't the well-oiled machine it often is. It's definitely just the time of year and not anything else, so don't send me any concerned DMs to the contrary. Thankfully, the fellas are back this week to help it all make sense for you! Hmm. Maybe I should have outsourced this one. I've spent small amounts of money on worse things. Shit, just this weekend I was bored and ordered two different size XL vintage St. Louis Zoo t-shirts. What the fuck else was I going to do with that $40? Start a savings account? Save up for what, THREE different size XL vintage St. Louis Zoo t-shirts? Fuhgeddaboudit. Alright, we're back on track. This week we start off by reading two different listeners emails, and Alex gives Cody a gift live on air. Then, for our patented Guys segment, we have a man with a van and a rather intricate conspiracy theory, the roller coaster career of an MLB pitcher, and the time a luckless man reversed his fortunes in a big way.

Steve Lightfoot- 26:05

Brad Penny- 57:00

Bill Morgan- 1:19:45

Good evening, everyone. At least it's evening here, for me. Not sure what you have going on. The weather is lovely, and I'm sitting on my back porch as I do this. I just installed some new lighting out back along my fence. One side has some fancy electric lights which give off a very aesthetically pleasant glow. The other side has solar lights, which aren't as bright but are more morally correct. But I don't know. It's not like my electric lights are on every night, it's just when I'm out here. I don't think that's something to feel guilty about. I'm doing better than my neighbors across the alley, though, who have this insane flood lamp that lights up whenever it detects motion, meaning it has to blind my peripheral if I'm by a back window and a possum goes through their yard. If I look at it like a possum alarm, that actually does make it a little bit more palatable. Reba the mother possum hasn't returned, so hopefully she's doing fine. Yes, this is what my inner monologue is like, in case you've wondered. I just do this all day, it's great. No wonder I'm depressed. This week we open up by discussing a number of topics, including cereal, cats eating barbecue, people who buy a lot of soda at the store, two listener emails, George Santos, and our lovely fans. Then for our 3 Guys, we have a legendary minstrel and his all-time great bit at the Battle of Hastings, another Arizona governor with a whole lot of bad ideas, and a railroad worker who formed a bond with a very special animal sidekick.

Taillefer- 36:33

Evan Mecham- 56:33

James "Jumper" Wide- 1:24:43

I won't lie, I'm pretty sleepy writing this one. We recorded late, for one. You'll have to listen to the episode to find out why. Spoiler alert, it involves a bunch of mulch. I also drank two tall boy hard seltzers while we recorded. Here in my elderly years, that's a lot to deal with on a weeknight. I've noticed in my old age that your body actually presents an alternative to getting drunk. See, when you're young, it's simple. You just drink until you get buzzed, then drunk. That's the one path, you know. You go down it until you stop. But when you hit your 30s, there's this whole other possibility, which is that well before you drink enough to get drunk, you will sometimes just get really tired. You either drink rapidly enough to achieve drunkenness, or you turn into a useless slug. On weeknight, I suppose the latter is actually better, but it doesn't feel that way right now, as I'm forced to be creative. Not that the bar for these descriptions is particular high, of course. The big thing to remark on this week's episode is that we hit a rather wide range of emotions. In our opening segment we discuss a variety of topics, including which Star Wars characters we are, Alex's misadventures with getting soil delivered, the Gags the Clown people apparently knowing who we are, and new additions to the Here's a Guy drinking game. Then it's a wide variety of types of topics, including a CIA spy with some unfortunate personal habits, an alarmingly insane neurosurgeon and the big idea that ruined his reputation, and a football player's delightful contributions to the all-time blooper reels.

Aldrich Ames- 23:32

Dr. Sergio Canavero- 58:15

Leon Lett- 1:27:56

Holy smokes, they've done it again. They've recorded another episode of this here show. How exciting. There's really not much that's going to make it stand out from the crowd of other Here's a Guy episodes. We like to think that means we've found a steady consistency, rather than some other theory. We're the backbone of your week. The reliable presence that makes your sad little lives meaningful. Just kidding. Unless you really do feel that way, in which case I'm sorry. I'm not a therapist, though, so I most likely can't help you. Ah, what else did I need to mention. I think that's it, actually, I've bought enough time I can move on to the actual episode description. First and foremost, we begin this episode by reciting our tribute poems to this year's March HaGness champion, The Wizard of New Zealand. Then, for our Guys, we have yet another French guy with a bizarre and terrifying appetite, the actual worst draft pick in NFL history, and an activist nun who just went out there and kicked all kinds of ass.

Terrare- 17:40

Russell Erxleben- 37:22

Sister Megan Rice- 1:08:05

Happy April 20th, everyone. A holiday celebrating the delightful intoxicant known as cannabis. Apparently in 2025, we're going to get a very funny occurrence, which is that Easter will be on 4/20. So there's your notice everyone, you have two whole years to come up with bits to do. Hopefully our country hasn't plunged into a holy civil war where Jesus jokes are punishable by death. Recent trends on that front have not been encouraging. April 19th would also be a pretty solid day for Easter, because then you can properly enjoy that leftover ham/mac & cheese sandwich the next day. That won't happen until 2070, when if I'm still alive I'll be in my late 70s- real borderline territory. Maybe taking a gummy then eating the leftovers sandwich will be my final act. What a way to go out! Or, maybe I'll just get Alzheimer's and wither to death, either way. But that's not funny. Hopefully this episode is, it was kind of hard to tell because I don't remember swaths of it. As you may have already guessed, this is a special 4/20 theme episode. We open things up by fulfilling a promise we made to you all a long time ago: we watched and reviewed the surreal 1990 anti-drug PSA animated special Cartoon All-Stars to the Rescue. To clarify further, Cody and Alex watched it, and try very hard to make it make any sense whatsoever to an uninitiated JackJohn. Following that, it's 3 marijuana-related stories of Guys, featuring a cranky anti-weed town mayor with an ironic name, a teenager whose silly high school prank led to a very frustrating Supreme Court decision, and a pioneer in the field of medical marijuana with some interesting methods of study.

Herb Roach- 54:40

Joseph Frederick- 1:10:10

William O'Shaughnessy- 1:46;54

Welcome back everyone, and we hope you had a good Easter. Or Passover. Or whatever you did. JackJohn just grilled I think. And that's good. Unfortunately for him, I've decided to declare this an Eastern Orthodox Catholic podcast, and we've banished him for being disrespectful to our lord and savior Christ, who was sacrificed 2000 years ago so that we can be allowed to be unhappy and follow a strict set of rules. Come to think of it, isn't the whole "Jesus died for our sins" bit kinda cheapened by the fact that he just came right back? I mean, wouldn't it be more impactful if he was just gone forever? How about someone who died permanently, like Paul Walker? Getting hung up on a cross like that probably hurt pretty bad though, I'll give him that. Anyway, who am I to say what's what, I'm just some guy who smoked some marijuana about 20 minutes ago. This week, we have quite the raucous episode. In the opening segment, we discuss the events of Easter weekend and Alex's possum situation, then read a tremendous e-mail rant from our friend John Fleming. For our Guys this week, we have an Old West outlaw even scarier than the usual standards, a story of a wedding gone awry in the most sitcom-ish way possible, and an everyman who lived out his lifelong dream which just so happened to involve a lawn chair and some balloons.

Boone Helm- 21:33

Tale of the Missing Wedding Dress- 53:33

Lawnchair Larry Walters- 1:09:50

It's been a crazy week. Cody and JackJohn have been up to some fun shenanigans. Alex's craziest moments came at work and therefore relate to the carceral system, which is less fun to think about. Just the other day, we had 120 tornadoes in a single day. Isn't that wild? And I didn't even get to see any of them. I've been obsessed with tornadoes my whole life and I've never actually gotten to see one. But then again, that is technically a good thing. It is potentially hazardous to one's health to be in close proximity to a tornado. Yet, all I want is to just see one in person one time. What a sick, strange type of existential quagmire. The show is enjoyable this week at least. To top things off, the guys discuss Wrestlemania, donkey basketball, after-prom, energy drinks, Chicago, March HaGness, and the merits of driving two hours to buy a gimmick drink for a bachelor party. Then it's 3 more tales of guys, featuring a mysterious legless man who washed ashore in Nova Scotia, a guy who like carrots way too much, and the true story behind one of America's oldest mysteries.

Jerome of Sandy Cove- 35:55

Basil Brown- 1:03:20

Virginia Dare- 1:28:58

When doing a podcast, it's your obligation to the audience to every now and then do an episode that's just completely bonkers. Here at Here's a Guy, we felt that things had been getting (relatively- and I emphasize that word strongly) far too normal on this show. Well, this week should change that. This week, we've got thrills. We've got chills. We've got...JackJohn giving his computer a hundred viruses looking up NSFW granny content (which, importantly, absolutely nobody told him he had to do). Things actually start off pretty normally, as we get a March HaGness update and the guys answer a listener email about the cartoon episodes that stuck with them from childhood. Then, it's three kooky stories, featuring a high school teacher conducting a disturbingly effective social experiment, a Lithuanian engineer's design for a rather unique roller coaster, and a British grandmother with a side hustle that sparked a great deal of controversy- and ruined JackJohn's week. Strap in.

Ron Jones- 32:51

Julijonas Urbonas- 51:45

Sheila Vogel-Coepe- 1:18:58

Hello world, and welcome to another fun, fun episode of Here's a Guy. That's how I introduce each episode, including this one. Sort of a catchphrase, if you will. The goal was always to find a catchphrase. but rather than something clever or inventive, it wound up just being some thing I say to no consequence. Fitting for how we do things, admittedly. The charitable interpretation is to call it "charm." In any event, this a momentous week indeed, as JackJohn finally returns from paternity leave. He hasn't changed a bit, and you can assess that however you like. We start things off with a roundup of the chaos in our lives this week, from JackJohn's baby possibly being the kid from The Ring, to the vet breaking Cody's cat, to Alex blowing out his vocal chords and sounding just like Gonzo the Great for a day. Then it's 3 fun tales, including an Indian prisoner who was part of an unusual crime epidemic, a legendary Caribbean female pirate, and a legendary Chinese female pirate.

Ramu- 21:28

Anne Bonny- 45:35

Zheng Yi Sao- 1:10:50

It's starting to feel like Spring. It's chilly, but not in the same way that fall is chilly, you know? Like, it's not crisp. What air quality is that? Is it a physics thing? I don't know anything about anything. And that's why we do this podcast. It's Episode 68, so I now know 68 things. But also, it's rainy, and things look green. St. Patrick's Day is tomorrow. Here's a free viral tweet for anyone who wants it: It so figures that the holiday for white people doesn't come with a day off work. You can workshop the wording on that if need be, but the structure is there. Just be sure to promote the show in the tweet underneath. Preferably don't lead with one of the bad audio episodes. This week, our good friend John Fleming returns to the show, and this time, he has better audio because his dog isn't wilding out the entire time. First we discuss the St. Louis Battlehawks, ABBA, and which sports franchises are the most Guy. Then, it's 3 magnificent Guys, including the flamboyant immigrant saloon owner who started the proto-version of the Cardinals, the surprising truth behind the NHL's first Japanese player, and a long-overdue subject who may just, somehow, be the wackiest baseball player in history.

Chris von der Ahe- 39:09

Taro Tsujimoto- 1:19:36

Rube Waddell- 1:52:34