Honey

Anne and Brian have been together for FIFTEEN YEARS, married for 12½, engaged for two, and they became engaged after only FOUR MONTHS (only the second fastest engagement on Honey). They met at a dance festival in Maine where Anne was a student and Brian was a dancer, and they immediately knew they had something special. This episode explores their fights that surround travel – mainly about personal space and deciding where to go, their fights about where to live and for how long, and how they’ve learned to support one another through thick and thin. Julia chats with them about their rules for themselves in order to solve and prevent conflicts in their relationship – most fights happen when they’re hungry and/or tired. They constantly reaffirm their vows, which are fun and beautiful and keep things exciting 15 years in. Honey listeners also will learn the power of old-school letters both in fights and in reaffirming love for one another. And a special source of fights makes a return to Honey, DRIVING and BOARD GAMES! This is one relationship where there is NO! ROOM! FOR! SCRABBLE! We mention: David & Becca (#1 fastest engagement), Pete & Jen, and Sarah & Billy.

This is a truly special episode. Minhdzuy and Amber JUST BROKE UP after 2 ½ years together. (They broke up six days before this recording.) Their relationship did not end with a fight, but with a realization that they had grown out of it. They share a unique perspective on breaking up while still playing a part in each other’s day-to-day lives while they work on finding new places to live, life outside the relationship, ect. Julia chats with them about spirituality, a beautiful metaphor about puzzle pieces, and a less beautiful but no less true metaphor about dirty bath water. Can your relationship and career blossom at the same time? How does the fear of what you might lose in a breakup contribute to your commitment to staying together? At the end of the day, relationships are hard and take a lot of effort. Even though breaking up might not have been the easy route for Minhdzuy and Amber, it was the step they each needed to take to move forward.

Emily and Jeff are long distance relationship survivors - they spent 3 of their 4 years together apart! They met in college where Jeff DID NOT catcall her to join his choir group. They deliberate as to whether Pikachu are really the “best” Pokémon or just the favorite for people who aren’t true Pokémon fans...JUICY! Over the years, they have learned the importance of communication, and especially being upfront with how you feel. Julia chats with them about one of their primary conflicts, which centers around the time that they spend with each other asking things of each other that go beyond their partner’s comfort zone. This conflict has taught them that sometimes you’ll never resolve differences in a relationship, but you have to learn how to deal with them. Emily has learned to be more confident in expressing disagreement in the relationship, and Jeff has learned to be more flexible and accommodating.

Callbacks
Rian & Grace (Wonder Woman)
Stephen and Alyse (Theory of Reasonable Doubt)

Quinn and Caro have been dating for THREE YEARS AND NINE MONTHS. After meeting playing husband and wife at Murry's Dinner Playhouse (seriously) in Arkansas, the two discovered they had just as much chemistry offstage as on. At first Caro was guarded and unready to open up to a relationship with Quinn, but eventually learned that she was falling just as much for him as he was for her.  Both have learned to be aware of each other’s sensitivity and the difficulty of wearing so many hats in the relationship. We learn about the importance of cancellation etiquette (don’t tell us when you cancel, it’ll just bum us out!) and also, always give flowers. Never DON’T give flowers. Why wouldn’t you?

Welcome to Part 2 of Ptolemy and Shelly, buckle your seatbelts! In Part 2, we discuss the challenges of staying connected to your partner after having a child, as well as how to move past the darkest times in a relationship, whether or not it’s strictly necessary to totally let go of resentments, and the importance of having a physical space that is comfortable and safe for both people. We also discuss what movies and TV shows approach capturing what it’s like to be in a happy relationship that requires work.

It’s Honey’s 50th episode! Julia catches up with Danny and Emily (The Things That Happen Between Meals), Mike and Ashley (Emotionally Opposed), and the crazy kids who started it all, Sarah and Adam (Most Definitely). Since recording, Danny and Emily have gotten MARRIED and PREGNANT! And they fight about Danny making jokes about this intense time. Since recording, Mike and Ashley have gotten PREGNANT! They have insane story about the worst OBGYN in Los Angeles if not the world! Since recording, Sarah and Adam have MOVED IN TOGETHER! We talk about the “wait but are you a feminist?!” fight, cross-town relationships, and Amanda Knox.

Zach and Mimi are married people!  Mimi is from Japan and Zach is from the US. Zach put the moves on Mimi at a bar almost fifteen years ago and then they went on a VERY awkward first date that could have ended it all. While Zach’s driving can be a “little bit aggressive,” their style of argument is anything but! When they dated long distance for two years, Mimi’s grandfather and great aunt tried to set her up in an arranged marriage of sorts...behind Zach’s back. Listen to this episode to learn how Zach finally gained–and continues to gain–the approval of Mimi’s grandfather. We cover the difficulties of communicating frustration through a language barrier, the reason why it is always better to get sick in Japan if you know someone who speaks the language, and how important it is to be able to appreciate someone else’s culture AND your own. These are two sweet, sweet people who met each other and, despite challenges, decided to make it work.

Tara and Andrew are MARRIED PEOPLE! With a CHILD! They have a three-year-old daughter, they’ve been married for almost seven years, and together for thirteen years. They are very different people – an introvert and an extrovert, a performer and a writer, talkative and quiet. We talk a lot about tag team parenting, and how becoming parents has affected each of them individually more than it has affected their relationship. They also have a very, very good meet cute. Also you will learn who my celebrity crush is.

Joel and Melissa are married people who have been together for a long ass time! They were long distance for four years, and they broke up for one month, which was not a happy time. We cover dealing with depression in a relationship, long-distance relationship struggles, micromanaging your partner in the kitchen, how to avoid salmonella poisoning, an epic Ikea disaster, which plays never need to be produced again and why biopics about rich white dudes probably don’t need to happen either.

Stephen and Alyse are engaged and they like to fight so I love them! He proposed at 2am on the Vegas strip, romantic! They have gotten into a few fights about planning their wedding, and Alyse has a general posture of “I know that I’m right,” so that makes for some pyrotechnics fight-wise. But the real crowning glory of this episode is Stephen’s Theory of Acceptable Levels of Doubt, which is simultaneously very smart and logical and COMPLETELY INSANE. Wondering if the relationship you’re in is the one forever? Listen to the end and apply the theory. Then we develop the What’s On Your Crest Theory of Compatibility, which is also extremely useful. We all also decide what we would die for if it came to that. Also we talk about who we would kill. Fun! Guys, remember, don’t marry someone you wouldn’t want as a combat partner in the nuclear apocalypse. P.S. They do end up watching The Handmaid’s Tale together.

Sarah and Billy are engaged people! They’ve been together for 7 ½ years, engaged for 2 – the fight they tell me about is my favorite kind: crying, screaming, throwing things! They met at a NASCAR race. That is real life. We talk about the benefits of buying flowers, the challenges of both working from home in a small apartment, and what to do when you make an oopsies and have to come back to your significant other with your tail between your legs.

Sterling and Olivia are engaged people! Olivia applied consistent pressure for about a year to make Sterling propose to her, and it worked! Their central conflict is about how much time they spend with Olivia’s family, who lives locally. Sterling is very stubborn, which works out because Olivia is very persuasive, so Olivia can unleash the full force of her energy on Sterling and he will resist, and still be himself. Tune in for a discussion of how the different dynamics of families of origin can impact a relationship, Sterling’s preferred coffee vendors, and why you’ll want to be married to a Crossfit instructor when the apocalypse hits (any day now).

Deborah and Alex have been together for nine years, lived together for six years, and have been married for a year and half. They don’t fight, but they are very different! We talk about how they accommodate each other’s differences, and how they have each changed in their relationship. Many interesting aspects of their relationship are reflected through how they take care of their sweet dog Scout, so we talk about Scout a lot; and we also get into board games, when it’s okay to laugh at someone who fell down, and what actually comprises good communication – it’s not necessarily similar communication and it’s not necessarily words.

Nick and Danielle have been together for four years, and this is their second time dating. They met while they were students studying abroad in London, broke up when they moved to different places, and got back together a couple of years later. Their fight now is about whether or not to move in together – Nick wants to, Dani does not. Also we discuss how “the ball’s in your court” is not a good metaphor – are you not on the same court? Are you not even playing basketball or tennis together? How is nobody talking about this?!?!

What happens when a long-time Sarah Paulson fan meets a woman who looks just like Sarah Paulson on OKCupid? They fall deeply in love, that’s what! Jess and Elena are engaged, and they fight about the religious upbringing of the baby they’re never going to have, Jessica’s oversharing about stuff she bought and loves, and… money. Jess has always been thrifty, and Elena is now out of debt, and addressing their own issues with money has helped both of them grow in this relationship. Visit Honey on Facebook to see lots of cute stuff, including Jess’s Sarah Paulson doppelganger picture and their engagement video!

Craig and Dahlya are exes! They met on Bumble, dated for ten months and broke up about four months ago. They didn’t really fight, but they did break up, and we find out exactly why. Julia was so excited to talk to exes but it actually makes her brain short-circuit because she’s so used to talking to couples who are in it to win it. How does the knowledge that a relationship is going to end affect how you deal with its problems? We also talk about when one person in the relationship is feeling successful and happy and the other person... is not. It's hard!

Nick and Muriel are MARRIED PEOPLE! They’ve known each other since they were just small street artists in Seattle! They’ve known each other for over half of their lives. We talk a lot about how their relationship has changed. Muriel is historically a caretaker, and a crisis in her family led her to realize she needed to stop doing that. She and Nick describe how they continue to navigate this change in their relationship.

Kim and Ben are engaged! This episode is bookended by the story of their elaborate proposal (on stage at the Fonda, where Kim works as a bartender!). Kim is a brassy New York broad and Ben is literally a champion debater, so they know what they’re talking about here. Kim is fully able to ice someone out if she’s mad at them, and Ben won’t let her do it. A lot of fights come from the fact that Kim is an optimistic, fearless, and possibly magically lucky person…?? And Ben is the opposite. So their different worldviews cause some conflict – we really dig into a fight about handling raw chicken. They both agree that the most important part of a fight is the communication afterwards – they do NOT agree about who is a more dangerous driver. So for the first time ever on Honey, we call in a witness to settle the thing.

Ashley and Mike are MARRIED PEOPLE!!! They have been together for 11 1/2 years! Mike gives this brilliant description of fighting: “When you’re emotionally opposed in whatever way, when you want different things and you either can’t communicate it properly or your interests are so conflicted that it spills into other things.” Ashley doesn’t like to communicate and Mike LOVES IT! Their common fight stems from Ashley being annoyed, Mike not knowing why, and him pestering her about it. This is because Mike was raised by all women and therefore he loves feelings and he loves chatting -- Ashley not so much. Their other fight is a SEX FIGHT! Learn all about how Ashley wants to have sex more than Mike does and the drama it creates (just kidding it doesn’t really create drama). We also talk about Matt and Naomi’s episode (Very Fast and Very Appropriate) check it out!!! The three of us also spend a significant amount of time fixing WHAT’S WRONG WITH THE INTERNET.

Pete and Jen are married people! They’ve been together for 17 years. They grew up 10 minutes away from each other in Massachusetts. How great! They can go home and see both of their families at the same time! Guess again! They both come from very tight loving families and they fight over them when they go home to Boston. Also find out why you should run far far away from someone who says loyalty is important to them. For the first time ever (I think?), the guests give ME advice about a fight (a political one, buckle your seatbelt). We also talk about the difference between not trusting someone and wanting to protect your relationship.

Allison and Jimmy are AN UTTER DELIGHT. They have been together for about two years, but it is unclear because while they were initially dating, Allison fully just DISAPPEARED. I believe the term the kids use is “ghosting.” Jimmy was undeterred, though, and continued to message Allison for months with no response. It all worked out for them, but guys, I cannot emphasize this enough -- DO NOT TRY THIS AT HOME. We also discuss the logistics of supporting your partner in a conflict with someone else, touch briefly on vegetarian vs. carnivore, and learn that Jimmy and Allison’s grandma text each other regularly (for God’s sake).