How to Momma Without Drama

There are a multitude of sources that could be triggering anxiety in our children, as well as in us as adults. A few of these are personal relationships, medical conditions, traumatic experiences, a job, even genetics play a role. Anxiety is a manifestation of something much deeper. It indicates that your life is out of alignment and something is wrong. In this episode, I share a story of a child who is diagnosed with severe anxiety, and once we got to the root of her cause, she has been free of it.

Today I want to discuss the decline of respect for parents and authority. What it means to be respectful is where we should begin. If you’re respectful, you show consideration and regard. Respectful is the adjective form of the common word respect which means a feeling of admiration.

Would you say this is how your children speak to you? So I was just asked this question in a session with parents this past weekend why is respect important for our children and to our children?

Giving and receiving respect from others is important as it helps us to feel safe to express ourselves respect and relationships, and build feelings of trust, safety, and well-being. Respect doesn’t come naturally it is something that you learn.
We conclude with Romans chapter 12, verse 10, be devoted to one another in love honor one another above yourselves, treating others with dignity and respect entails, treating others as worthy.

God created us to have dreams and imagine. Steve Harvey just shared a recent message on imagination being a preview of life‘s coming attractions. He went on to share that Albert Einstein said imagination is everything and the evidence of things not seen. In this episode, I share how I imagined and dreamed about Hope Community Center, and now it is opening, and how faithful God is when you place your dreams in his hands. CS Lewis said you were never too old to sit another goal or to dream a new dream never stop imagining!

I don’t know about you, but my favorite job on earth has been being a mom. I never wanted anything more than to raise wonderful human beings who will give back to society, love God, and love others. As I have shared, I’ve always been entrenched in mentoring other moms and families. I know I have shared a handful of struggles that I have faced with my youngest child who was diagnosed with a processing issue, as well as ADHD, and the behaviors and challenges that came with it
There have been countless times that I have felt disqualified to be in the position I have been in.

Join Nellie this week as she continues with her discussion on hypocrisy and why Jesus would change it. Hypocrisy is the gap between what we show and who we are. Let us start with our hearts today, and make a choice to be transparent and undo hypocrisy one step at a time.

I’m sure most of you have seen the bracelets people wear that say what would Jesus do? These bracelets are supposed to serve as a reminder before one is tempted to do wrong to remind themselves and ask themselves, What would Jesus do in that situation?
On the other hand, I recently heard a message, titled What Would Jesus Undo?
I think the first thing Jesus would undo is hypocrisy.
There is a famous author, and theologian by the name of Brennan Manning, who quotes the following - the single greatest cause of atheism in the world today is Christians who acknowledge Jesus with their lips, yet go into the world, and deny him with their life.
So what would Jesus undo- He would certainly undo hypocrisy.
hypocrisy is the gap between what we show, and who we are- in other words what we say, and how we live.
Titus 1:16 says they profess to know God but deny him through their works. They are detestable, disobedient, unfit for any good work.
I don’t know about you, but I do not want to profess to know God and then deny him by my works. Jesus himself hated hypocrisy, so we should as well, as moms, we need to make sure that we don’t have a mask on in front of others, and our children see another side of us we need to remain transparent and honest and be the best example we can before our family and for God.

God desires, that we be utterly dependent on Him, and are desperate for his help and comfort. He is a true source more reliable than our own mother and father. Are we unashamed to cry out when we need him no matter who is around? In this episode, Nellie shares with you something that happened in her local grocery store that showed her the importance of being completely dependent on God.

I get many questions from parents asking about sibling rivalry. I can wholeheartedly say that while raising my four children people would say to us all the time your kids get along so well and seem so close what’s the secret?

In this episode, I am sharing with you my best tips on how to be their problem-solving coach. You will learn how to teach them to handle disagreements and guide them toward skills for managing angry feelings, playing, being fair, and negotiating.

As parents when you begin looking for daycare, the options are truly overwhelming. This is why I chose to do this podcast and I’m going to give you healthy signs of a great daycare and then red flags to look for.

Join Nellie today as she gives you concrete things to look for when you are choosing childcare for your precious little one.

As kids throughout the nation are heading back to school  I wanted to indulge you with a little back-to-school nostalgia, remembering when the beginning of the school year was synonymous with fresh highlighters, new notebooks, and new clothes.

But aside from all the traditional reasons why our kids like going back to school - we need to ask ourselves what can we do as parents to keep a heartbeat of what is going on as well as create memories during the school year and for years to come.
During today’s podcast, we talk about basic steps that we can take to continue to partner with our children on a daily basis when they are away from us at school.

Eighteen years did not feel enough for me… A crib was bought- Christmas trees were put up every year. The rocking chair years weren’t long enough…….the days pass uncounted until this moment, as parents we have now invested nearly 2 decades of our finances, time, and love into this young person so it’s natural to have a wide range of emotions about the process.

I came across an intriguing article from the author, Margaret Bisnow. She wrote a book, titled Raising An Entrepreneur. After interviewing 70 families -who raised highly successful and well-adjusted adults, and how they help their children achieve their dreams.
I’m sharing this today because I am amazed at how new parenting styles  become so popular through social media, but that people don’t stop to look at the people who are teaching these philosophies, and whether or not they’ve had success themselves long-term with their own children.
This author interviewed an extremely diverse group of different religions, family structures, education, income, and different races, but she found a common theme, which was respectful parenting.
Unlike popular parenting styles which are permissive and overindulge children to avoid conflict, or the other extreme, which is total authoritarian, which is one-way communication with little consideration of the child’s emotional needs, respectful parenting is about seeing the child as rational independent people.
And let me clarify there is a difference between authoritative parenting and authoritarian parenting. Authoritative parenting is what we followed in our household, and what has been proven for centuries to be the most effective. What this author is referring to is respectful parenting falls into that authoritative box that you want to embrace your child, for who they were meant to be and let them explore naturally, but be clear on your expectations and boundaries.

Today’s episode is called Don’t Turn Away Open Arms.  This is something I hear all too often and working with families when people say don’t give your child too much affection because it will ruin them and it really is the opposite. Did you know that affection changes the way brain pathways develop for general learning? It also changes the long-term way the brain and body manage stress.
In a 30-year-old study, which was concluded in 2010, Duke University found that children who have mothers who displayed high amounts of physical affection grew up to experience less mental illness, higher relationships, success, and fewer psychosomatic symptoms.
Physical touch may be your child’s primary way of expressing themselves and it also could be that they are craving closeness to you at times when they may feel anxious, insecure, or just seeking comfort
Please try to pay attention if there are any patterns in regard to when your child wants hugs some examples could be after a firetruck or ambulance has gone by your home, when there’s fighting with siblings or others in the home, or maybe your child just using hugs to help them cope or to feel affirmed.
Please always be aware to make your child feel safe and comfortable and if you feel they are not making adjustments to some of your current routines may be needed.
The bottom line is please don’t listen to people who say you can hug them too much during these formative years. You can certainly introduce alternative methods of expressing physical affection, such as butterfly kisses, high-fives, or squeezing someone’s hand three times to signal I love you.

In last week's episode, I shared a quote that kept me in check when parenting my children as a reminder that I’m not their friend first, but I’m to be the person in their life that challenges them to have a God conscience no matter what happens. In this week's episode, I elaborate more on good versus bad shame. Of course, God never wants us to shame anybody, however, he does want us to feel when we are faced with the situation shame in the sense of understanding what breaks his heart and what does not? Some people may refer to this as a sense of guilt but regardless we need to make sure that when we’re parenting our children, they have a moral backbone set for life end it only comes from having a God conscience first.

I’ve learned that when there is a quote that speaks to your values or reminds you of how you want to parent the best thing to do is to print it out and hang it on your refrigerator or store it in your phone looking at that quote will remind you of the bigger picture and can help you manage your emotions on a bad day or during tough times. One quote that stayed on my refrigerator while raising all four of my children was “To raise a child, without shame is to raise one with no immune system against evil” This was quoted by the famous speaker, Ravi Zacharias and was a reminder that I wasn’t created to be my child’s friend first I was created to be their parent and lead them and help develop their immune system against evil.
Listen, parents in an ever-changing world with problems like cyber bullying and rising celebrity culture provide new challenges, and our world evolves at a rapid rate, but truly the best parenting advice stands the test of time … some of the most impacting quotes are as relevant today as they were when they were first spoken decades ago.
Parents have a bigger job than ever because we genuinely are parenting against the norm when we parent this way, but we need to equip their children so they can intern change and affect our world for what’s right.

Desperate times call for desperate measures, right?! During these times, we all may have used a bribe or two with our children. We must proceed with caution not to parent using bribes to manipulate children to repeat a desired behavior as this is a control tactic. This makes children focus on the reward rather than choosing to do the right thing and our children will slowly lose the motivation to take initiative and desire to explore ventures that do not promise any material benefit if we parent this way.
Let’s take the time to teach our children right from wrong, so they will have a strong, moral backbone and be motivated to take the initiative to make good choices because of what they’ve been taught.

I heard this quote by Thomas Edison this past week that said: "When a man dies if he can pass enthusiasm along to his children, he has left them an estate of incalculable value". The truth is, we can pass on wisdom and ethics to our children, but inventor Thomas Edison believed that these were surpassed by enthusiasm. Enthusiasm is what drives people to learn and succeed.  Parents- no other generation has had to cope with this ever-increasing funnel of information and improved technology has led to increasingly larger textbooks and more extensive curricula. We can help them resist the poll of immediate pleasures of social media and video games by increasing positive connections in their life.
We do know from neuroscience research that the brain puts in greater effort when engaged by curiosity, interest, and expectation of positive experiences the key in this process is identifying what your children want to learn about, rather than what they have to learn about. An example would be, we created memories with our children of regular trips, whether they were short getaways or long vacations, whatever our budget would allow for that year. The point is to activate their memory of family, camping trips will link in their minds new learning about the settlers, traveling across the country and covered wagons when your children want to remember facts, they will recall that camping trip. 
Connect their brains to the topics they’re going to be staying about at school.  After my husband and I owned our own businesses, we would tell our children all the time you can’t teach passion. Let’s choose to teach enthusiasm to this next generation, for God first, and then for all else that they do!

The hardest part of coaching is when you come across an innocent child, who has experienced trauma in their young life. It’s essential to talk about this as I do see many parents talking about their children’s poor behavior as a nuisance and they may very well be overlooking the trauma their child has experienced.
Young children that suffer from trauma typically have difficulty regulating their behaviors and emotions. They can be very fearful of new situations, be over clingy easily, frightened, aggressive, impulsive, or difficult to console.
Delayed responses to trauma may include sleep, disorders, fatigue, anxiety, focus, flashbacks, depression, avoidance of emotions, and activities that are associated with the trauma.
Please seek assistance if your child is experiencing any of these red flags so healing can occur.

Join Nellie as she continues part two of this series on the teen years. Today's episode is talking about the importance of setting boundaries and majoring on majors and minor on minors.

I title today’s podcast teenagers and self-contradiction as teenagers are self-contradictory. They are striving for individuality yet desperately crave acceptance from their peers. We will learn practical steps to take to get through these years by gods grace!

Every individual adopted or non-adopted is shaped by their experiences in life. Over the years at the school, We had come across numerous families that chose to foster children as well as adopted I have always felt that these parents were overlooked and underappreciated for their sacrifice.
Foster parents play a crucial role in helping foster children heal from past or present traumas.  Adoptive parents commit to a lifelong journey, filled with highs and lows and They welcome them into a safe, warm and stable, and loving environment. I think of one family in particular, Liz and Greg who adopted two children a boy named Phoenix and a little girl named Willow. These parents made a decision to adopt these children Despite the backgrounds they came from. Knowing that these children had been uprooted from their homes and had suffered abuse, and or neglect from their parents in the womb, or after birth. Although Greg and Liz welcomed these children with open arms and helped them learn what it’s like to eat, sleep, and play in a safe place with a sense of normalcy they have and will be presented with challenges in their journey.
In their case, adoption has been an overall positive experience yet they have faced typical struggles associated with adoption with issues of grief and loss, confidence, and identity, and or emotional and learning challenges I wanted to address some of the common issues, faced by adoptive families and strategies for parents to help their children cope because although  I personally have not adopted, we chose as a school to come behind Greg and Liz to support them in their journey and I hope this encourages others to do the same.
The first one is grief, separation, and loss In relation to their adoption these issues may surface sporadically or at emotional milestones. Feelings of grief and loss may also lead to fears of abandonment and rejection, which could impact the development of friendships and relationships.

Are you shaping your child or is society? As parents, it is important that we are the ones who are shaping our children. In this episode, Nellie is talking about the problem with allowing children to determine their reality at young ages and the damage it can do.

I chose this topic today because I have been hearing this more often from moms that they regret being a parent. I then discovered that there is a group called,” I hate being a mom “on Facebook that has over 48,000 followers so I decided to address this head-on and have a healthy discussion around it.
As moms we torture ourselves, thinking about what might have been,
I should have, I could have, I wish I would have
We discuss how to overcome this mindset by focusing on the serenity prayer…
The three things to focus on in that prayer are serenity, courage, and wisdom.
God grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change courage to change the things I can, and wisdom to know the difference.
Let’s learn from our past, and embrace motherhood, and its high and mighty calling!

Psalm 127:4 says like arrows in the hand of a warrior are children of one's youth. David said in this verse that we as parents are the bow and our children are the arrows. In this episode, learn where we are supposed to point out arrows and why it is important.

I once heard a lady say that the best thing her dad did was teach her God’s phone number which is Jeremiah 33 :3. In this episode you will learn what Jeremiah 33:3 says and why it's the perfect telephone number to teach your kids.

By burying our heads in the sand as parents, will not get our children and adolescents through the years unscathed. We need to ask what can we do about this and put our plans into action. We also need to self-reflect. Take a look at yourself first, and be certain that we’re not putting an expectation for our children to make us happy. We must put a period at the end of her sentence rather than a question mark so our children know exactly what to expect. Let's lead by example to create stronger families!

Today we will be discussing gun violence in our schools, and what we can do to be proactive as parents. While it’s nearly impossible to pinpoint why gun violence is increasing we do know the primary reason is diminishing coping skills. Another large contributing factor is depression along with a history of being bullied. There are steps we can take as parents when we choose a school or a program for our child to ensure safety and we will be discussing that in this episode.

We as parents are the most powerful force in our children’s lives. The common question we will discuss today is are our children’s challenges and behaviors mental health issues or parenting issues. It is a hard fact that the biggest factor in our children’s development is environmental, which is their home life. Dr. Phil says “you teach little people how to treat you as a matter of fact, you teach all people how to treat you."  What you tolerate is what will continue.
If your challenges are not environmental, and they are mental health issues I discuss signs to look for and what the next step is for assistance.

Whether you are new to single parenthood, or it’s been many years, you are most likely feeling lonely, scared, and at times lost. This podcast helps to break down the steps to take in this journey. Psalm 28:7 is God's promise that he is our help, rely on him and the Holy Spirit to lead you in parenting, and take it one day at a time.

In this episode, Nellie discusses how dads parent differently than moms. Any parent who strives to give their children the absolute best is a hero whether you are a mom or a dad. Evidence has revealed that mothers bring more sensitivity and emotion to parenting whereas dads tend to encourage more risk-taking and problem-solving. Recognizing that both mothers and fathers are essential to the healthy development of our children is key.

There are two ways people choose to deal with illness within their household or with extended family members. They either try to shield children and tell them nothing or may over-expose them to details that can hurt  them further, although both are done with the right intentions today we  are going to discuss age-appropriate ways to deal with this difficult  subject. This is critical, because the child’s needs to be reassured  that the sickness is not their fault and find ways to cope.

In this episode, we are discussing how early childhood experiences affect the development of the brain's architecture which provides the foundation for all future learning behavior and health. A strong foundation helps children develop the skills they need to become well-functioning adults. I not only discuss why it’s so important to have a  full picture of the importance of what we do as parents, but also not to accept the lie that our time with them is irreplaceable, and we make the greatest impact of laying the foundation.

In this week's episode, I am expounding on Dr. Phil McGraw's three things, which he says are needed not to spoil our children but rather, to prepare them.

1. Mastery over the world.

2. Power of giving.

3. Observe what they feel they can recover from.

In this episode, we will discuss a recent article that was published in New Yorker magazine by Jessica Winter as well as this style of parenting causing anxiety in the home. Gentle parenting focuses on emotional awareness and understanding of the child but emotional awareness isn’t just understanding our own feelings and motivations. It’s also being aware of the way our actions impact others. Listen in as Nellie talks about this style of parenting and if there are betters ways of parenting.

As a society, we are focusing on adapting children to the chaos around them which is unfair to them. As adults, we need to advocate for this generation and speak up. We also need to monitor what our children are engaged in and who they are around and prod them with questions to get the complete picture of their environmental factors. Remember Anxiety is constricting as you cannot live your life happy and free so we need to remain involved -Let’s continue to dig deeper into any factors in our home or our children’s school that can be  adding to their anxiety.  Although experts, don’t have all the answers, they do know aside from genetic components. In this episode, you will learn what those three components are and how to protect your children.

The saying it takes a village originates from an African proverb - the message is that it takes many people in the village to provide a safe,  healthy environment where children are given the security needed to develop  and flourish. There are numerous studies that have been conducted proving that children who have close relationships with other adults are less likely to have behavioral and emotional problems and are better equipped to deal with future traumatic events, such as bullying, divorce, and much more . Wouldn’t we be in a much better position if we allowed others to come alongside us, and speak into our parenting and our lives without taking it as a personal attack?

We are called to continually grow, be stretched,  and learn spiritually, and that includes parenting. Take a moment and read Ephesians chapter 4:11-13. It describes the gifts that God has given the church to equip the Saints and build up the body of Christ so that we all can become spiritually mature.
Additionally, James 1:22 challenges us to be doers of the word, and not hearers only, and not to deceive ourselves . We were not called to walk through life alone, especially as parents, we need a village to become stronger, spiritually, and mentally.

Start today by spending more committed time in your community/village if you desire this. Eat at local restaurants shop at local stores -hire coaches in your town. Your children will not rely on a place that they don’t spend enough time in and they haven’t had the ability to get to know people around them if they’re always on the go.
 

Teach your children that they can rely on their village -this may all sound trivial, but the more your child relies on their village the more respect they will have for it. The greatest place to start is your local church for your village of people.  Next is the town you reside in.

As I was sifting through my children’s book collection, I came across one of my favorite children’s books the tale of three trees. This Tale of Three Trees has a powerful message that God truly has a unique plan for our lives, and that we must always keep dreaming. Everybody has the ability to dream but the reality is everyone is not willing to truly chase their dreams. I have found that most people have a limited belief system and believe that their current circumstances are keeping them from achieving what they really want. We all certainly have circumstances in our lives that we can use as excuses, however, we can bring our dreams to God and be inspired to start and that’s what happened in the tale of three trees. I share my own personal story in this episode of how I started my school from a dream I  place before God. Start to believe in your dreams, put them in gods hands and chase them-you are never too young, too old, or too poor  -just believe and you will eventually get there!! Remember, if your dreams don’t scare you they simply are not big enough!

As parents our children will always be our children so even when they  are grown, we feel we should continue to protect and shield them. The truth is as parents we must be confident in the foundation and  principles we have laid , so when the time comes for them to go out on their own and use what has been taught to them they are equipped. It is natural to feel anxious when faced with a personal decision about your child moving on however, if they’re not respecting boundaries and  contributing to the household, then this is the time for them to do so.  We need to love them enough to challenge them at every stage of their  life and if they are not willing to go on their own, we need to be just like the mommy Bird that pushes them out of the nest in order for them  to fly.

Comparing yourself to other moms is a sure way to reduce your self-esteem, confidence, and motivation-making you feel like you’re simply not enough which in turn can cause false confidence and frustration.  Let’s meditate on Romans 12:2 which tells us do not conform to the pattern of this world, but be transformed by the renewing of your mind. Then you will be able to test and approve what God’s will is. This verse tells us to see all of the blessings in front of us that God has  bestowed and be confident knowing that comparing ourselves to others just prevents us from focusing on God‘s plan for our life don’t waste your time focusing on wanting to be somebody else embrace the way God made you knowing he has a perfect plan in store and you are more than enough momma.

We are discussing tantrums today as it's an extremely common question during the formative years. Tantrums are common in children ages 1-3 years old as they cannot always communicate their needs and feelings which causes them to get frustrated. Tantrums are a way a young child is able to let out their strong emotions before they are able to express themselves in a socially acceptable way. It may seem out of control when they were screaming and throwing themselves but they are a normal part of child development to some extent. I use the words to some extent because there are certain things that are unacceptable that we need to be aware of his parents and nip in the bud. As our children begin to grow typically over the age of four years old, they should be starting to use their words to express their emotions more effectively. As parents, we are the strongest influence in our children's lives, and we need to be certain that we are aware of the child milestones our children should be reaching and be certain that we are not reinforcing or rewarding poor behavior. Let's continue to make the changes necessary in order to raise children to make a difference in the world we live in!

Transparency in a relationship is it helps us to build trust and honesty. It’s about sharing both the good and the bad of your feelings with people that you love. Lack of transparency brings distrust and builds a long bridge that makes it difficult for your children and spouse to cross and eventually leads to the relationship crumbling. As parents were going to make mistakes all along the way, but remaining transparent is the key to allowing your children to see your vulnerability and heart. Let's choose to be transparent in the new year to come and make our relationships stronger than ever. 

John rice stated, “You can never truly enjoy Christmas until you look up into the father‘s face and tell him you have received his Christmas gift“.

I hope this podcast has you stop for a moment in the busyness of this holiday season and ask yourself if you have received God‘s gift to us.  If you have are you now making a decision to raise your children with faith and a true understanding of what the Christmas season is about?  Furthermore, are you creating memories they can refer back to you and hold in their hearts? Let’s make changes that will affect generations to come not only during Christmas time but throughout the year keeping Christ in your heart.

As I was decorating for Christmas the song, Mary Did You Know came on.  I sat for a moment and pondered on the lyrics. Think about it, Mary knew that she was carrying the son of God but she did not know to what magnitude Jesus was going to change the world.  She said yes out of obedience to God and from her obedience came the greatest gift of all.  As moms, we too need to be obedient and embrace motherhood with all that we have so we can raise our children to be the next influential speaker, Pastors, teachers, and world changers. I pray during this holiday season that you continue to ponder on the miracle of Jesus‘s birth and the birth of your own children and the heavy accountability and honor we hold as moms.

Today's episode is a thought provoker. I recently read an article titled the collapse of parenting. The crux of the article is that many today are  em powering children from a very young age by allowing them to make choices and being emotionally available at all times. The problem is the kids are actually overpowering their parents in the long run. Dr. Sax goes on to say that a functional family unit hinges on a strong alpha presentation to inspire the child to trust you and depend on you and if we don’t have that then we’re hard-pressed to make the demand or set the limit for the child.

In other words, the parent always has to be honored as the ultimate person and we need to put parents back in the driver's seat. 

The bottom line is kids are not born knowing right from wrong and when they are left to discover right from wrong on their own they are more likely to have negative outcomes in the future medically and emotionally speaking -these children in their late 20s are more likely to be depressed, anxious less likely to be healthy and more likely to be addicted to alcohol and drugs. it’s proven that parents who  are authoritative have better outcomes overall  we can respect the  child but also be the ones to make the decisions

Today I would like us to all ask our selves what is our motivation  for how we parent and is it beneficial to our child or children in the long run.  Last do you feel there is a collapse of parenting in our society ?