How You Feeling? w/Coco

A collection of thoughts I've had recently. I talk about accountability and being accountable to ourselves. I make reference to my feelings surrounding episode 124 so if you haven't had a chance to listen to that, make sure you check it out. Also, are you brave enough to ask your close friends for feedback on how you can improve yourself? And it's been a while but I have a rant!

It's always fun having Jennifer Caswell on the show because she brings a perspective on things that many of us don't often consider. In this episode, we talk about how we sometimes over analyze innocuous comments made towards us, and second-guess ourselves. Also, have you or the people around you been going through it more lately? And by "it" I mean experiencing a shift in life that brings on chaos, effecting our day to day lives? Well, there may be a reason for this and Jenn sheds a bit of light on it. Whether or not you subscribe to the notion of being ruled by the planets, it certainly makes you wonder where all of this is coming from.

Bringing you two terrifying tales to enhance your Halloween experience. Maybe they'll mildly entertain you. Maybe you're completely jaded and nothing phases you. Either way, I hope you enjoy the sound of my voice. 

In this week's episode, I am joined by Stefan, one of the wonderful hosts of MLVC The Madonna Podcast. We chat about some of our frustrations we encounter while creating and maintaining a podcast and what keeps us motivated. He also shares with us how he's feeling in light of some recent changes in his life. Mourning the loss of a life that could have been. Also, is it wrong to eat ribs on a first date?

Emotional Support Water Bottles. What is that? Do you have one? Does it have a name. I'm still trying to figure out of my water bottle supports me on an emotional level.

Also, a strange anecdote about an odd girl in a waiting room. There's always a pet peeve presenting itself to me around every corner.

My friend, Amanda, joins me to chat about oversharing and our fear of doing things on our own. Sometimes we need to take that first step to create our own happiness.

My first solo episode. I plan on continuing with the same energy and message of what How You Feeling is all about. Honest conversations about mental health, personal growth, and social awkwardness. My hope is to have a mix of solo episodes full of reflection and observations, and casual conversations with friends about anything and everything.

In this episode, I talk about the importance of sleep and how pain and fatigue affects how we function and grow. Also, the difficulties of making a decision when faced with too many options. Does it put your mind at ease when things are decided for you?

This is the final episode Fran records as a host! But he won't be far from this show if Coco has anything to do with it. In this episode, we chat about wedding conduct and the high expectations photographers have when it comes to capturing all those wonderful moments. Also, our usual banter of all things socially awkward.

One of Coco's favourite pastimes is people watching. And a recent dinner outing at a sushi restaurant did not disappoint! Are you team chopsticks or team fork? Listen now!

Another random conversation with your two favourite hosts! Is it ok to tell a hired photographer to move out of the way while they are doing their job? Also, how difficult is it for people to separate the art from the artist? We've had the conversation before but we talk more about some of the celebrities we grew up watching and how it has become more difficult to love and support their TV shows and movies.

Who doesn't love a good buffet? Vast selections to choose from. Underwhelming flavours. Heartburn and indigestion. What more can you ask for? 

Ok, so that might not be enough to pull you in. Let's add the need for some people to consume alcohol to have fun. Massage therapy. The evolution of Coco. Finances and socializing. And the importance of Halloween costume budgeting. We're getting hungry just reading about it all! 

The time has come for me to say goodbye to How You Feeling and relaunch my own podcast again. I am so grateful for the opportunity Coco & Fran have given me. I am also very excited to start this new chapter on my own, and to continue bringing my listeners the topics and conversations you have come to appreciate. Please continue to listen to and support How You Feeling With Coco and Fran! And head on over to my Instagram profile to get the latest updates on my new podcast, Conversations With Akilah! Thank you all so much for giving me this platform to share my thoughts and I hope you join me in my next adventure! 

How often do you put others first? If you are a people pleaser, your need to be liked and accepted is almost always to the detriment of your own happiness. Your boundaries inevitably get crossed. Coco and Fran discuss the differences between them when it comes to pleasing others. Saying yes all the time isn't always bad, but neither is saying no.

How do we rate our love life? First, you have to define it. Ask yourself these questions: How do I want my love life to feel? What does it look like? What kind of experience am I looking for? And how am I showing up for that experience? Love is a very ambiguous concept but when we begin to hone in on some of the feelings, we can begin to define it.

Also, a recent NYT article caught my attention, When Sexual Liberation Is Oppressive. It explores the gap between the rhetoric of sexual liberation and women's real world experiences. Do people really want to be sexually promiscuous and open as much as the media portrays it?

We think it's safe to say that what we see on social media is not a true or real representation of the people and the world around us. Have you ever asked yourself if your online persona is real or authentic? Authenticity isn't just about how we present ourselves online but also how we are with the people around us, in person. Do you express or suppress your feelings with others? Have you set up boundaries? What does it mean to be authentic?

Are you someone who gets their fill of socializing simply by scrolling through social media posts and seeing what your friends and family are up to? Has social media ruined our ability to socialize? We are so distracted by what we see online - we've seen it all, why do anything in person? There's also this perception that we can only socialize during the holidays. Why do we wait to see the people that matter in our lives? Why can't we commit to keeping those connections alive and thriving by committing to getting together more often?

Establishing boundaries is the ultimate form of self care. How many times have we forgone our own boundaries just to please others? The perception that setting boundaries is mean or selfish needs to end. In order to achieve your goals, boundaries need to be set. If you do not respect yourself, your words, and your feelings first, how can you expect others to respect you?

Author, sex educator, and historian Habeeb Akande joins me to discuss his book, Kunyaza - The Secret To Female Pleasure. His mission is to close the gender pleasure gap and teach people how to be sexually satisfied with traditional cultural practices. His book aims to center, celebrate, and venerate the Black woman's narrative through their contributions, as well as debunk the stigma of female pleasure.

I'm giving you a little bit of this and that. From racism in other countries to doomsday scrolling. Also, what am I watching these days? 

The How You Feeling podcast has always been a sort of investigation into how we are feeling and what we should be doing to make a change, if necessary. In this episode, Fran talks about solitude. The struggle with balancing solitude with healthy social practices. Many people find it very difficult to be alone. Or the idea of being single for any length of time scares them. Often times, there is a reason they struggle with solitude. Sometimes we need to challenge ourselves to find happiness with one's self. Being alone doesn't make you lonely. 

In a recent email, an event was brought to my attention, called "Girl, Keep Your Legs Closed" tour. If that title doesn't scream shame and judgement, I don't know what does. How can we create safe spaces for anyone to share thoughts, concerns, questions and be open about their sexuality - regardless of their decision to have sex - if we come at them with fire and brimstone? Shame has no place in female sexuality, especially Black Female sexuality.

Sounds, vibrations. Everything in life is a vibration. Ever wonder why we subconsciously gravitate towards certain frequencies more than others? Our guest co-hosts, Jenn and Amy, talk about how sounds affect us, even on a cellular level. We're bringing you woowoo! Let us know if you want to hear more content like this.

My guest, Nana Darkoa Sekyiamah, joins me to discus her book The Sex Lives Of African Women. An anthology that chronicles not only Nana's own sexual and relationship history and describes how she came into her queer identity, but it is also a collection of stories from African-identifying women around the world. 

Ah, romance novels. Often thought of as something only lonely or bored housewives would read. But for author Beverly Jenkins, it's an opportunity to weave history into her novels. Writing with the Black Love perspective in mind - a narrative not represented enough, Beverly Jenkins writes about African American history that is overlooked. Not only will you be educated, but you may need to take a cool shower.

Returning guest, Erin, chats with us about what it's like to be a teacher today, in the face of so many school shootings. Also, her decision to leave teaching and start a new chapter of her life in a new city.  At some point you need to put yourself first. Regardless of the fear of failing or the guilt of leaving loved ones behind, change is good.

How do we define joy? Is there a difference between joy and happiness? And how do we celebrate Black Joy? 

Also, on the topic of Slaying Your Weekend, do you find it difficult to "adult" on the weekend? What are you doing to find your joy? Lots of questions. Let's discuss!

Where do you make friends? As we get older, the opportunities to make new friends become less and less. Perhaps we just don't want or need any new people in our lives, and that's ok. But there may come a time when the people in your circle are just not fulfilling you they way you would like. That's not to say they are bad friends. They just have different interests or priorities. So, how do we go about making new friends?

Coco's trip to NJ! Was it everything she imagined? 

When was the last time you actually relaxed? Why is it so difficult for people, especially women, to slow down and relax? Society certainly does not promote nothingness. If you are not doing something or taking care of others, it's viewed as laziness or selfishness. Why are we made to feel guilty for taking care of ourselves, even if it means doing absolutely nothing?

Three topics in one episode!

1) Transactional friendships. The most common form of transactional friendships occur because someone wants to use another person to get ahead, or an exchange of skills that benefits one another. These "friendships" can also be for clout, money, and/or fame. Sometimes, transactional friendships occur because people don't want to be alone, often choosing the wrong people as "friends".

2) Party etiquette. What should you do if you are invited to a party and you found out one of the guests is someone you don't get alone with or you have unresolved issues with that guest?

3) Do larger people have to work harder to be accepted in society?

Where words fail, music speaks.

When you dive into the background of any artist, often times the work they create is a response to a moment in their lives that may have been difficult to speak about. Listening to music can make you feel a range of emotions. Creating music can also help heal some of those emotions. We chat with singer/songwriter Eric Terino and his emotional journey into creating his latest LP Innovations Of Grave Perversity, and how he transformed heartbreak to healing.

My thoughts on the recent Supreme Court leaked document suggesting a reversal of Roe v. Wade.

...that is when trust is created. We all have certain friends we share more with than others. What are some reasons for the distinction? And is it possible to remain friends with someone you don't trust? Let's dissect some some key points about friendships, oversharing, and the signs you can't trust a friend.

Can there be true authenticity without vulnerability? 

I have been reading bell hook's book, All About Love, which delves into the aspects of love in modern society. And it had me thinking about love, vulnerability, and femininity. There is a fine line between being open (expressing emotions) and being honest that potentially exposes vulnerability. Society has a perception that softness or emotion is perceived as weakness. Why are we taught that expressing our emotions, or crying, is bad? This type of mentality is passed down from generation to generation. While emotional strength, stoicism, etc., are not the same as other generational curses such as alcoholism or drug addiction, at some point, these behaviours need to be checked, and changed. What may have served one generation well, may not help future generations. When it comes to our emotions, being vulnerable is authentic. Why would you let anyone stifle that?

We talk a lot about communicating with friends, and the importance of establishing boundaries with them. But what about the romantic relationships in our lives? Why is it so difficult to express our wants and desires to our significant others? Have we romanticized this notion that our partners should somehow know everything without ever being told? It's time to unlearn some of these tactics and start being straightforward with our communication! 

A social experiment is a type of research done in fields like psychology or sociology to see how people behave in certain situations or how they respond to particular policies or programs. Many of these experiments test an individuals response to conformity. Society has made us believe the if you don't conform, you will be punished. Why do we have this fear of sticking out from the crowd? There's also the subject of con artists. They make us believe in a fantasy, whether it's the perfect relationship, an exclusive and immersive experience, or partying with the glitterati, we buy into what they're selling. We want to follow the crowd. It's the desperation to be a part of a group or to have the perfect life. So we conform. 

I finally got the chance to sit down with my mother for a wonderful chat about her career and some of the challenges she encountered as a black woman in a male-dominated society. Navigating race and gender biases, and maintaining her own femininity.