Higgledy Piggledy History Hotchpod

By way of a taster for S3 we hope you enjoy another slightly different edition of the podcast.

It was recorded—as you'll be able to tell—earlier in the year, but life kept getting in the way of the edit. We're now hard at work on S3 but we do have some spaces left to fill, so if there's anything you'd like to hear us waffle on about, please give us a shout with your suggestions and requests.

Magnificent forger of empires or mad as a badger and armed to the teeth?

And we reach the end of our second season with a look at one of the most requested historical figures, the great Khan. You sick lot. Questions of his levels of sadism compared to contemporaries, his inability to keep his trousers on and the logical conclusion to his funeral cortege are all here. Warning: contains pronunciation that’s ropey even by our standards.

Posh southern bird on a Midlands jolly or the best queen the English never had?

We’re celebrating Women's History Month with a discussion of one of the most important individuals in English history. Eldest daughter of King Alfred the Great of Wessex and descended from Mercian royalty, Æthelflæd came to rule Mercia in her own right following the death of her husband, Æthelred. Working alongside her brother King Edward the Elder, Æthelflæd staved off Viking attacks and conquered new territory for the inchoate English kingdom. Often overlooked in favour of her male kin, we explore the remarkable life and career of the leader who may have inspired Tolkien’s warrior princess, Éowyn, shieldmaiden of Rohan.

Sartorially sensational social warriors or jut a bunch of Brummie bandits?

We’re keeping it local this week as we take a look at the real life urban street gangs in Birmingham who were the inspiration for TV’s Peaky Blinders. Cue much debate about accents and parents with a criminal past, coupled with a staggering lack of geographical knowledge about the city around which we we both grew up. Warning: contains the words "gooin", "yowm" and "blindin"; so no change there then.

Booze cruise gone wrong or the sinking that screwed the English succession?

In late November 1120, the White Ship sank in the English Channel. Among the dead was King Henry I’s only legitimate son, and heir to the English throne, William Ætheling. Come aboard for a tale involving drunken sailors, an oblivious bishop, some pissed-off priests, Zippy from Rainbow, and an ultimately life-saving bout of diarrhoea.

Warning: The Bayeux Tapestry gets mentioned again, and good luck distinguishing all the people named Matilda and William.

God’s right hand or ultraviolent reducer of pension liability?

We’re back to our usual duo this week as we tackle one of history’s darkest characters with our look at Matthew Hopkins. With long grey hair, withered hands and a cackling laugh - and that’s just Rattle behind the mic - we talk of witches riding dogs over churches, poor choice of pet names and three headed cats. Warning: contains criticism of Monty Python’s historical accuracy. 

History’s most famous ghost ship or a whole load of methylated spirits?

In 1872, the US merchant vessel Mary Celeste was found adrift off the Azores with no one onboard. The fate of the crew remains unknown, but theories abound. Come aboard the world’s most lethal transatlantic booze cruise and meet the comically named Benjamin Spooner Briggs, Frederick Solly-Flood, J. Habakuk Jephson and Abel Fosdyk as we recount the events and attempt to get to the bottom of this maritime mystery. Warning: contains irrelevant poultry.

Home win for the English or away win for the absent French?

We’re back with a bang, kicking off a new season with a look at the lesser known, but still crucial, major battle of 1066: King Harold vs King Harald. Tune in for tales of sibling rivalry, a gentleman stabbed in a very sensitive area, Duty Free shopping in Shetland and Orkney, and the earl who missed his hamburgers, all featuring in this sizzling season opener. Warning: contains extraordinary tapestry related argument.

Why oh why couldn't they just figure the whole thing out with a game of football?

After several months of hard fighting, at the first Christmas of the First World War a brief truce broke out in the trenches. Fraternize with Fritz in the freezing cold and learn about the original Tom and Jerry joining together in harmony with no sign of frying pans or bulldogs. Warning: anti-Brexit rant will not be to everyone’s taste.

Righteous removal of a naval tyrant or brave attempt to establish Pitcairn package holidays?

Join us as we travel across the globe in search of an obscure fruit, a journey leading to mutiny, murder and death, all the time wondering why they couldn’t have just nipped to Sainsbury's instead. Warning: contains condemnation of leading rap artists’ historical inaccuracies.

Lads on tour or religious genocide?

With the People’s Crusade over, it’s time for the nobles and knights to have a go at retaking the Holy Land. These Latin lads know what they’re doing (apparently), and will suffer sieges, battles, starvation, and desertion to get to Jerusalem. Move over Holy Goose, it’s the Holy Lance’s time to shine. Warning: there’s self-confidence and then there’s willingly undergoing trial by fire.

Lads on tour or religious genocide?

It’s 1095 and the pope has called upon western Europe to recover Jerusalem from Islamic rule. As the knights prepare for this epic mission, Peter the Hermit and thousands of commonfolk can’t wait and set off for the Holy Land wholly unprepared for what’s ahead. But with God’s Holy Goose on their side, what could go wrong? Warning: donkey blood is not for drinking.

Three-headed monster devouring the republic or The Three Stooges in togas?

The History Hotchpod goes back to a land 'Before Christ' by taking a dip in the murky waters of Ancient Rome. Caesar, Pompey, and Crassus struggle for mastery of the Eternal City and its empire (Roman, not Galactic) all while trying to keep the plebs happy. Warning: features a severed bodily part starring in a Parthian production of amateur dramatics.

Early terrorists or the last honest men to enter Parliament?

Remember, remember the Fifth of November, gunpowder, treason, and farce. Listen in disbelief as a dozen Catholics conspire to blow up England’s political establishment, while simultaneously competing with the Westminster Palace ‘security’ forces for the coveted ‘Dumbest Plot Participant Award 1605’. Warning: spreading gunpowder out to dry in front of an open fire can be dangerous.

Turning point for Texas or just Hollywood Horsefeathers?

After angering the French for a couple of episodes we head across the pond and into the fray of the Alamo, an emotive battle in the history of Texas, Mexico, and the United States. We do our best not to upset all these parties as we discuss the reality of the battle and how it differs from Hollywood’s epic depiction. Warning: John Wayne doesn’t come out of this well at all.

Shakespeare's happy few or brazen butchery in a bog?

Once more unto the anti-French bias, dear friends, once more! This episode looks at King Henry V's great victory at Agincourt, later immortalized by The Bard, and tries to separate historical fact from literary fiction. Warning: indulgent attempt at Branagh-esque St Crispin's Day speech ahead.

Tragic hunting accident or justified regicide of a flaming Frenchie?

Beginning with an unintended but mostly welcome anti-French bias, we look at the death of King William II of England in the New Forest and its consequences, while examining the possible theories, some more plausible than others, as to what happened. Warning: contains talk of fertility Gods and other absolute bobbins.