Skip to main content
Integrally Alive podcast (Sparkling life)
Beyond Thinking, balanced & unapologetic life

Integrally Alive podcast (Sparkling life) Beyond Thinking, balanced & unapologetic life

By Claire Wild
✨ Practical wisdom & tools to help you create the unapologetic life you want, while enjoying the journey and growing efficiency and resilience. 💬 Multiple intelligences, embodiment, authentic relationships, private speaking and storytelling, creativity, effortless efficiency, playful exploration, awareness... 🤗 Occasional interviews. 😉 Constant humour, fierce love, and BS-free style. 🐘 Oh, and lots of elephant hugging. 🤯 The only podcast that 6x your intelligence!
Where to listen
Apple Podcasts Logo

Apple Podcasts

Google Podcasts Logo

Google Podcasts

Overcast Logo


RadioPublic Logo


Spotify Logo


Currently playing episode

Why unsolicited advice is not helpful (and what to do instead)

Integrally Alive podcast (Sparkling life) Beyond Thinking, balanced & unapologetic life

You don't need superpowers to succeed
What superpower do you use most? We are taught that we need to be super at all times, to perform at our best, exponential growth, etc. And yes, this approach allows us to make things happen, and big things. But it is also imbalanced, and as much as I love it, and I actually use it myself at times. But we also have to recognize this is just one side of the story, and we often forget the other side. This other side is not so much taught and talked about as the other super active side. So I think the "super" approach is great, and it's also unbalanced. And in the long run, this is completely counterproductive, because it works until it doesn't.  So this week is all about * superpowers * How much can you push the limits? * being human versus "super" * performance * multiple intellligence * rational mind and somatic mind * ... ⚠ ⇒ click here for the SHOWNOTES: And hop on my socials to share your thoughts, discoveries... Let's make this a conversation rather than a one-way sharing!
October 21, 2021
You know you want to change? This hack will get you finally moving!
Is knowledge, knowing that you need to change, enough to actually change? Spoiler alert: Not in my experience! Listen/read this episode if you want to know * the difference between knowledge and embodied awareness * learn how to make motivation last and bullet-proof * a counter-intuitive but very effective approach to quitting smoking * can change happen fast? * what is generative change * ... ⚠ ⇒ click here for the SHOWNOTES: in a new tab) And hop on my socials to share your thoughts, discoveries... Let's make this a conversation rather than a one-way sharing!
September 23, 2021
From peak flow state into long-term balance
When we mention flow, we usually think about a peak experience moment. But then we see it as something that we would want at any time and always. I think it is setting ourselves up for failure, but also not helping us having more of these flow state experience. This week I'm sharing an ongoing exploration * the distinction between peak flow state vs long-term flow * how it relies on nervous system regulation * a simple exploration to start playing with bringing more flow in our daily life ... Life gets easier when we accept that we are humans. Not super-heroes, not super-humans... Just humans. That is already a lot. ⚠ ⇒ click here for the SHOWNOTES: And hop on my socials to share your thoughts, discoveries... Let's make this a conversation rather than a one-way sharing!
September 14, 2021
I’m not stressed, but it takes me two hours to fall asleep every night
"I’m not stressed, but it takes me two hours to fall asleep every night." Doesn’t it sound contradictory? That person was very puzzled by the contrast:”I’m not stressed, I know that. But then why does it take me so long to fall asleep?” In this episode, we'll see why. * the difference between stress, anxiety * what means having an activated nervous system * basic sleep hygiene * a simple distinction about how the nervous system works * and how we can use to fall asleep quicker And if you know me, you guessed it: There is going to be some simple and effective embodied process to help with that. I love how we can use our somatic intelligence to help us calm down the intellect and basically live a more peaceful yet more energised life. ⚠ ⇒ click here for the SHOWNOTES: And hop on my socials to share your thoughts, discoveries... Let's make this a conversation rather than a one-way sharing!
September 10, 2021
Balance: It's not about juggling, it's about connection
A very common image we use to describe finding balance in life is juggling. And I just don’t think it’s helpful. I don’t know if you ever tried to juggle, but even if you eventually master the skill, it is still a lot of effort and concentration to do it. And even the best juggler can’t go forever. Sooner or later the balls will fall, or he will need to rest. What is the main problem with the juggling image? All the balls compete for your attention. And using this image leads to using the same behavior that put us in trouble in the first place. But even the best juggler can’t go forever. Sooner or later the balls will fall, or he will need to put them down. So what if the balls weren’t competing? That's why I explore this week, with a new, much more helpful, image for balance. Also, a super fancy word to use in cocktail parties. 😉️ ⚠ ⇒ click here for the SHOWNOTES: And hop on my socials to share your thoughts, discoveries... Let's make this a conversation rather than a one-way sharing!
August 17, 2021
Why unsolicited advice is not helpful (and what to do instead)
What is the worst advice you ever got? I’m going to bet that it was probably unsolicited advice. Want to know a funny story? How about people trying to "help" me with my computer, not realising I worked as a web developer, so I used to be the one helping people with that. It is a bit less funny when it comes to more personal challenges. Like, don't get me started on the “Everything happens for a reason” lecture. Check the episode to know why I think this is spiritual BS. And also: * Why is it so upsetting to get unsolicited advice? * How can I still help? * And also find a way to telling someone to stop! ⚠ ⇒ click here for the SHOWNOTES: And hop on my socials to share your thoughts, discoveries... Let's make this a conversation rather than a one-way sharing!
August 10, 2021
How to use curiosity as your door to being unapologetic (and compassionate)
What is your weird? Do you keep it for yourself like something you’d rather people not see about you? Or do you proudly show it for everyone to admire? I have many, which I share more or less privately. But a few years ago I met someone who litterally had it on her head... And it turned out great for her. Whatever we do, we will always be weird for someone else, so... Maybe her solution is not so crazy after all? I am a big advocate for playful curiosity, which I have experienced, leads to both being more compassionate, and more unapologetic. And that is why it is one of the main pillars in the  “Deep connection, real fun!” meetups and my work in general. Join me this week as I share about ladybugs, being weird, asking questions, dancing (no way! 😅), and making the world a better place. ⚠ ⇒ click here for the SHOWNOTES: And hop on my socials to share your thoughts, discoveries... Let's make this a conversation rather than a one-way sharing!
August 03, 2021
Is authentic small talk possible? A surprising solution to deep connection
Do you enjoy chit-chat? I never did! But I’m proud to say I’m now fluent in small talk. Years ago, not only I didn’t like small talk, I didn’t understand it, and as a result, it felt like it was difficult to have real conversations, to really get to a deeper level of connection. Small talk can feel boring, or draining, but it has a very important purpose. Have you heard about the levels of communication? This week, we look into them, and: * why small talk is important * how to navigate the levels of communication * how to actually enjoy small talk! The kind of stuff we play with in the Deep connection, real fun! meetups. We had the first edition yesterday and it was great! ⚠ ⇒ click here for the SHOWNOTES: And hop on my socials to share your thoughts, discoveries... Let's make this a conversation rather than a one-way sharing!
July 28, 2021
A cure for Social fatigue: Deep connection, real fun! meetups
A weekly casual social meetup created with meaningful connections in mind. It's free, and you're welcome. 🤗 (formerly Un-networking human meetups) Join us here, it's free and you're welcome: This year has been great for loneliness hasn’t ? But the thing is, while this year and a half now has been really low on opportunities of just meeting and being around people… Meeting and being around people is not the cure for loneliness. It’s not enough! We need meaningful connections. If you've been to any kind of meetup, you probably can't stand the jackpot questions anymore: "What's your name? Where are you from? What do you do?". In a lot of these meetings, I meet a lot of people, but I feel like I connect to no one. It’s so superficial. You might even hesitate to go to social event because of the social fatigue that comes with it.  On the other end, authentic relating, circling, and all the deep connection workshops are wonderful opportunities to finally interact human to human. And it’s really nourishing, but it’s also almost exclusively workshops. And sometimes I just want to spend nice time talking to friendly humans. Just a fun evening. I don’t want to do workshops all the time. My solution: Deep connection, real fun! meetups Nourishing like authentic relating, fun like a social meetup. Join us here, it's free: Hope to see you next time.  ⚠ ⇒ click here for the podcast SHOWNOTES:
July 22, 2021
Don't cage yourself in your age!
What are you too old for? ... Where is your mind going when you read that question? Things that you feel you cannot do anymore and you kind of miss them, things that you won’t tolerate anymore in your life? We all react differently to ageing. Certain aspects feel liberating, other limiting… I’m always puzzled by people who explain anything that they cannot do by their age. Maybe because very early on I had positive example of older people being in really good shape and with a dynamic mindset. Depending on where we are born, we look at elderly as nice but slightly crazy people going back to childhood, or wise and experienced humans. So I would say, choose for yourself. Whatever society tells you about what is appropriate for your age, you’re the one living your life. And I have some models  for you in case you're wondering. See you in the comments. ⚠ ⇒ click here for the SHOWNOTES: And hop on my socials to share your thoughts, discoveries... Let's make this a conversation rather than a one-way sharing!
July 01, 2021
You are the inspiration you are looking for
On sailing, dreams, inspiration, courage, blogs and strangers ... What are you the living example for? When I was a teenager, I had a dream, a very precise and persistent dream, to travel and live on a sailing-boat. It took years, but I eventually did it. If you have a dream and feel discouraged, this episode is for you. It is the kind of message I would have loved to hear when my own dream was just a crazy idea in my heart. It is so much easier to connect the dots looking backwards, but I can already tell you, in my eyes, you already made it. And you don't even  know exactly what it is, because you might end up living a different equally of even better dream, but this will only happen if you try. In my heart, you are the leader you need. ⚠ ⇒ click here for the SHOWNOTES: And hop on my socials to share your thoughts, discoveries... Let's make this a conversation rather than a one-way sharing!
June 21, 2021
Stress is saving your life (Trying to overcome stress? Try this instead)
Is stress your enemy or your ally? Stress is usually the bad guy, something to get rid of and overcome. But in the same time I know people —and maybe that’s you too?— who will tell me that stress is their motor for action. So where’s the line? Do we get rid of stress, or do we use it? On stress, regulation, adrenaline, taking action Stress is an evolutionary necessity. If it wasn’t for stress, none of us would be here. But what happens when our physiology stays pretty much the same as our prehistoric ancestors', but the world around looks nothing like it? We need knew solutions! In today's episode, I dive into our relationship with stress and how we can make an ally of it. ⚠ ⇒ click here for the SHOWNOTES: And hop on my socials to share your thoughts, discoveries... Let's make this a conversation rather than a one-way sharing!
June 18, 2021
Wanna thrive? Balance your ecosystem!
On too much, too little, ecosystems and balance… One thing that, if I would resolve it right now, would make everything else easier, is having a richer social life again; you know, like, kind of before covid, when you could go out and just meet and talk to people freely. I’ve got other struggles, but this one I feel really is undermining my overall energy. Can you relate?  Do you have something that you feel would make things easier for everything else in my life? It is very common to identify something as a problem and when we focus on it to find a solution… we end up exploring something else, that is indeed the solution, even though it looks like something else entirely. This week, discover how the Kyo/Jitsu principle form Zen shiatsu can help you go straight to the point and balance out your system so that the problem actually disappears by itself. We are living ecosystems, and if we know where to poke, we can do magic. ⚠ ⇒ click here for the SHOWNOTES: And hop on my socials to share your thoughts, discoveries... Let's make this a conversation rather than a one-way sharing!
June 02, 2021
A simple question to see differently, get clarity and take decisions
Have you ever had something that you thought it was just impossible to do, and then somehow you looked at it with new eyes and you found another way to do it anyway? When you feel stuck, how do you take a decision, and move on? The problem many times is that there is a blind spot, something we are missing that would give a new meaning to the whole situation. Let's explore how to shift our point of view and get us to clarity and action in an instant. There is a pretty groovy way to do this somatically, but this week I'm going with a simple question for the rational mind instead. ⚠ ⇒ click here for the SHOWNOTES: And hop on my socials to share your thoughts, discoveries... Let's make this a conversation rather than a one-way sharing!
May 25, 2021
Stuck? Use the simple is effective solution
On effectiveness, getting unstuck, the beauty of simple, action and habits… Years ago, when I was still training for my Body-Mind-Centering* certification, at some point we were asked to participate in an exercise, that when my teachers explained, it, I felt like:”Duh, is it really why I’m paying you hundreds of Euros a day?” Because it was so simple. It sounded just stupid and ineffective.  (*Body-Mind centering is a somatic movement and touch practice) It turns out this exercise gave me a major breakthrough, and I was shocked afterwards about how simple and quick it was, versus the value that I got from it in terms of what I learned. I guess that day I got the same look on my face that I see now and then on the face of my coaching clients, when they give me the “too good to be true” look. Our rational minds love complex solutions, because they look somehow more serious, more legit. Seeing all these steps, the logical progression, it looks reassuring. But reassuring for the mind doesn't mean that we will act on it more easily. Again, and again, and again, both in my personal life and in my professional life in coaching sessions with my clients, I am reminded that simple it what is what helps us move. And that's exactly what we are exploring in this episode. ⚠ ⇒ click here for the SHOWNOTES: And hop on my socials to share your thoughts, discoveries... Let's make this a conversation rather than a one-way sharing!
May 18, 2021
What to say to a friend who's struggling (And how to ask for help if you are)
We are only beginning to talk more openly about psychological struggles, and there are still many, many misconceptions about it. And often it results in people with the best intentions making the situation worse, by trying to help. So here are a few do s and don't s, and my one principle I've seen be the most effective, so you can be there for your loved ones when they need you the most... And you can better ask for help when you need it. This is for you if you're struggling and want to help people around you help you better, and be there for you; and it is for you if you know someone who is struggling and want to be there for them and support them in the best way you can. ⚠ ⇒ click here for the SHOWNOTES: And hop on my socials to share your thoughts, discoveries... Let's make this a conversation rather than a one-way sharing!
May 11, 2021
From chaos to creative mess... How to stay calm and keep going through uncertainty
When life gets in the way, what do you do to stay calm and keep going?  To be honest, to my French brain, it always sounded a bit wrong that “life” would get in the way of anything. But yes, nowadays, with things being cancelled left and right, decisions being made, then changed, then put back on, then modified… It sure feels like something is getting in the way of life! But is it really? Here is another way to look at it, and a simple guided exploration to shift your perspective and actions from chaos to relaxing into creative mess. What I love about these somatic explorations, is by disconnecting the rational mind, we instantaneously step into a much more creative space. See you in the comments. ✨ ⇒ click here for the extended version of the exploration (part of the Sparkling life toolkit): ⚠ ⇒ click here for the SHOWNOTES: ⚠ ⇒ click here for the SHOWNOTES:
May 07, 2021
Coaching or therapy... What do you need?
What is the difference between coaching and therapy, and how do you choose one or the other? This is a question I get a lot, so here is my two cents, the way I view this and how I apply this in my changework practice. The image I find talks the most about it in a simple way is hiking. The way you prepare yourself, and your things, the actual hike... All of these offer a metaphor that everyone gets for the general distinction between therapy and coaching, and also the main two approaches to do changework. If you yourself, or someone you know, needs help, and you like my style, I’ve got slots for one on one sessions opening right now: 🌟️ 2 spots opening for ongoing sessions over a few months. 💥️ New times, new solutions, I offer single 1 on 1 sessions: One "in the moment" session to help you get back on track, break through, whatever you need in the moment to not only keep going, but thrive. More info in the podcast and on the website. More info and booking here: ⚠ ⇒ click here for the SHOWNOTES: ✨✨✨✨✨  THE INTEGRALLY ALIVE PODCAST, BY CLAIRE WILD  Your weekly dose of fierce love: A mix of love and brutal honesty! Practical wisdom & tools to create balance in life and be free to be who you are do what you love   and live how you want. ❣️ EMBODY 100% YOU! Feel alive from the inside out. ❓ DISCOVER MORE HERE:  ✨ Might includes some Life sparkling & elephants hugging.
April 20, 2021
Is is your instinct, or your intuition talking?
Do you ever have gut feelings, sometime? Or a tiny voice in your head, or butterflies in the tummy, or.... Whatever form it takes: How do you know it's instinct or intuition? How do you know when it is a good idea to follow it? That's what we dive into this week: On instinct, intuition, gut feeling, embodiment, and broccoli latte... Why I believe the statement:"If I listen to my intuition I would be eating ice cream / pizza / broccoli latte all the time." is wrong. What is instinct and how to recognise it. What is intuition and how to recognise it. Why is intuition better for taking decisions. A simple exploration to train and use your intuition. See you in the comments. ⚠ ⇒ click here for the SHOWNOTES:
April 14, 2021
You can change today
One of the most common phrase I hear during my sessions, is:”I know I should…” We often know what we want to change, but knowing is not enough to actually do the changes. Whether we want to avoid bad consequences, or yearn for something great, we resist to change. There are many solutions to finally start, and I'm giving one in this week's episode, along with something to help with motivation. See you in the comments. ⚠ ⇒ click here for the SHOWNOTES:
April 08, 2021
A counter-intuitive way to solve problem quicker
Did you ever had a quick fix that turned out to be the worst idea in the end? In this episode you'll learn how I got absolute confidence that slowing down is the surest way to solve problems quicker. Quick fixes are appealing, and here and there I still fall for them. It usually doesn't end well though. So here are two things to keep in mind when problem solving, to make sure we go the distance and work efficiently and faster. See you in the comments. ⚠ ⇒ click here for the SHOWNOTES:
March 31, 2021
Meditation is not a wellness tool. But you need it more than ever!
On meditation, being present, crazy thoughts, wellness, and enlightenment… I love meditating because it trains me to be more present. What about you? Why do you meditate? The Western world took meditation and transformed it into a tool for wellness. I think this is like looking the finger when the master points at the moon. Peace of mind does come from meditation, but it is a side-effect, not the final aim. That is how we end up giving up with feelings like:”Meditation is not for me, I can’t sit still.”. But when we know the real purpose of meditation, then come good news. It becomes easier to meditate, and to use it in our daily life. If you’re struggling with meditation, you're going to love this episode. See you in the comments. ⚠ ⇒ click here for the SHOWNOTES:
March 03, 2021
Balance is a movement from within
If there was one thing you would do to create more balance in your life, what would it be? Each year I take time to reflect on my business: What did happen, where I want to take it… This year I felt the need to take a longer pause, to really take time to reflect on the direction I want to give it, to show up best both for myself and for you. Because, I don’t know if you noticed, but the world is kind of a giant mess these days. Especially if like me you are in Europe, or other place with lockdown, curfew, and other restrictions, right now the world is completely out of balance. So in these conditions, feeling alive from the inside out feels both challenging and absolutely more than ever needed. And something that helps a lot in feeling alive is balance in our life. So in this episode, we'll see the two main misconceptions about balance that I believe if we turn them around, are big game-changers. See you in the comments on FB, IG, Linkedin, Youtube. ⚠ ⇒ click here for the SHOWNOTES:
February 25, 2021
How to multitask efficiently
On multitasking, focus, cognitive abilities, and getting things done… Would you rather multitask or focus, to get things done faster? Like many of you I have a to do list that’s never ending. And the other day, on top of this, I realised that one of my email addresses had a problem, and I “discovered” about 200 mails that I never saw before. Important mails. You know, from serious people, like my bank, and so on. So suddenly I had my normal to-do list and… Many other things that needed attendance like, yesterday, or even last month. Temptation to multitask on a scale of one to ten at that time? One thousand! Was it a good idea? Why not multitask? It gets things done faster, right? Computers do that, right? Or don't they? Is multitasking a scam? What about the cognitive consequences of multitasking? And so how can we multitask efficiently? It’s really simple. And it is in this podcast episode. Enjoy your new productivity and efficiency. Check the show-notes here:
December 08, 2020
You are already embodied. How is it helping you?
On being embodied, mindfulness, making coffee and riding bikes… Taking what we touched upon in the last two episodes: Embodiment is not about what body you sculpt, but rather how present you are, not only to your thoughts, but also your body, your emotions, etc. ... Which can sound like a lot of work, BUT... As Your practice is whatever you are doing on a daily basis. Well, you already are having thoughts, emotions, using your body… You already are embodied! But the real question is how? Is it conscious, intentional embodiment? Or is it giving your thoughts away? There are many ways embodiment is useful in our lives. But the first step to do anything intentionally, is to recognise what we are already doing. How present are you in your body? ⚠ ⇒ click here for the SHOWNOTES:
November 17, 2020
Why you need a daily practice
What is your practice? Do you have a yoga practice? A meditation practice? A mindfulness practice? ... What else do you practice? How does that change your days? why is it important to you? In a call with friends earlier this week, we were doing a round of check in: "How are you doing?" I had (like many of us these days), quite a challenging week, with bad news every day. So I joked saying that I would be happy with just a day without bad news. But then, I had to be honest: Even with this situation, I am grateful for the practices I began years ago, and integrated into my life so much, that they are now a part of who I am. Because a few years ago, in the same situation, I might have practiced frustration, anger, sadness... Whereas today, I practice noticing what is happening, making space, hugging my elephants (in the room), making friends and partnering with them to find solutions, turning problems into learning and solutions... And I stay fine: My external circumstance don't dictate my internal experience. Whether you do it intentionally or not, your practice is what you do every day. Whatever you do on a daily basis, that becomes the default you turn back to in challenging times. As my Shiatsu trainer Sasaki Sensei used to say: "Dojo is life". You come to the gym, to the yoga studio, to the dojo, to practice; but the real practice starts when you step out, into the world, your daily life. Do you have an intentional, conscious practice? What is your practice? And if you don't have one, start noticing: What is your practice? Shownotes on the blog:
November 11, 2020
What is embodiment... to me!
On embodiment, experience, coaching, and "where do you feel this in your body?"... Reading that embodiment was a buzz-word the other day on internet, felt so wrong, it had me do something I resisted doing: Talking about what embodiment means. Embodiment is such a diverse field, with many different voices! That said, yes, it annoys me but it has become a buzz-word. And many people use it without knowing what they are talking about. One question has become emblematic of this for me in the world of coaching: I heard many ask, from a totally disembodied state "Where do you feel this in your body?". As if it was step 2 of the 10 step process for X. It's like explaining someone the taste of chocolate vs facilitating the experience of tasting chocolate for him/her. Embodiment is not a process, it is an experience, from the inside out. It is a way of being, from the inside out. ⚠ ⇒ click here for the SHOWNOTES
November 03, 2020
How to be ready to start
— On being and feeling ready, imposter syndrome, and getting started… “How will you know when you are ready?” That is in essence one question that arose in a recent coaching call, when I heard my client say: “I’m not experienced enough, I’m not ready.” Sadly these doubts is wide-spread, and it’s getting us to stop before even getting started. Welcome imposter syndrome, bye-bye action! Tune in to learn why being an expert is not always the best place to serve, and why you feeling you are not ready is far from you actually being not ready. ⚠ ⇒ click here for the SHOWNOTES:
October 28, 2020
How to avoid Fomo by regulating your nervous system
Its FOMO happening in your mind, or your body? On FOMO, nervous sytem regulation, parasympathetic vs sympathetic... Did you hear about The Embodiment Conference? OK, I might have told you about it. When we participate in such exciting events, it is easy to get our  head buzzing with all the options, which all look interesting! Too many  presentation to attend them all, yet all interesting. Oh, the excitement  of reading the program, the joyful anticipation for the sessions… The  dilemma of having to choose. Whenever we notice ourself entering this loop, we know it’s time to  take a break. What incidence does it have on our nervous system? An  hyper-arousal of our  sympathetic nervous system. We’re sooo ready for  action! Here comes FOMO, and a tendency to over-do, without listening signals  from the body to rest and digest (parasympathetic nervous system). How to self-regulate our nervous system when feeling FOMO or overwhelm? And what is self-regulation anyway? First notice: The level of mental excitement, the thoughts rushing and/or running in circles in your head. The level of physical excitement: muscle tone like you were ready for a run?, heartbeat, breathing pattern (holding your breath?) Then self-regulate STOP! Make a pause and let the thoughts tire themselves of running in circle. Integrate the sessions you already attended 1. write 2. draw 3. dance 4. … Express it out to take it in. Do some calming activities (Be a cat for some time) Caressing a cat (That is, if it lets you 😉) Stretch, slow movements focusing on sensing what is happening inside Take a walk Do the dishes Laugh … Any activity that doesn’t require mental activity What is your favorite “calming down activity”? Notice your level of activation before engaging with another session. Start by grounding, centering yourself: What do you need to arrive here / now? Try it and feel free to come and drop your comments and questions on FB or IG. I love these conversations, and I will reply.
October 22, 2020
Switch off thinking of the worst scenarios and rest your nervous system – Integrally Alive Podcast
“I have known a great many troubles, but most of them never happened." Could you be the author of this quote? I certainly could, but you probably recognized Mark Twain. This episode came from a question a while ago (before the actual Coronavirus situation) of one of my clients on the tendency we often have to think about the worst case scenarios. What can we do about it? I have a two-fold answer today: addressing it from the mind, and from the body. These last days, shopping has turned into an interesting experience. Quite everything on my list, nothing fancy, rather basic stuff like eggs, bananas... I couldn't find. Empty shelves everywhere. Actually: "I tried to do some shopping." would be more accurate. I am in Australia right now, but I think panic buying is happening in many many other countries. It started a while ago, and there is actually no need to buy so much. And just before Australia, I was in Vietnam, neighbors of China. And the atmosphere was quite different. I saw a lot more prevention there, and much less panic. I'm talking a few weeks ago, so it might have changed by now, but the contrast was really big when I arrived in Australia. A few weeks ago, a client asked me "I keep thinking about the worst scenarios. I can’t live peacefully. How do I stop that?" I had some podcasts recorded already, so interestingly, the first free slot to answer this question is this week, when this topic has become truer and more spread than ever. Did evolution wire us for catastrophe anxiety or catastrophic thinking? "Thinking about the worst scenarios" is also called catastrophe anxiety or catastrophic thinking. Some theories explain this tendency by the fact that to survive as a species, it was always more important to notice the dangers than what was going well. Because if there is danger you should react before it gets you, whereas if you don't notice how beautiful the sunset is tonight, well, you're just missing a nice moments, but you will be fine, still be able to have kids and perpetuate the species. I'm not sure how much I buy into this theory, but human do tend to obsess over what could go wrong much more than what could go amazingly well. Orient your mind towards what could go well (NOT blind positive thinking!) And that's the first thing we can do with it: Instead of what you want to avoid, remember what you DO want. I will give you a simple practice to calm down the nervous system so you produce different thoughts, but first let's talk a bit about orienting your mind in a better direction. Keep your attention on What you DO want and what you can do to make it reality. There will probably be things that have control over, and things that you don't. Be aware of the latest, but focus on the first ones! The main problem with catastrophic thinking, is we focus exactly on what we want to avoid, and often on things that are completely beyond our control, like the international economy, decisions that governments will take, etc. And precisely because we have no control over it, we are caught in a loop of "what if", while staying with a sense of helplessness. As much as it is important to be aware of these, once we recognize that we have no control over it, then refocusing instead on what we want and what we can actually do, THAT is really helpful. What will happen in the future might be uncertain, however what we do today, we can choose. The present is the only moment in time that we can influence dire...
March 17, 2020
From struggling with motivation and willpower to using joy as fuel for your dreams – Integrally Alive Podcast
Do you struggle with sticking to a habit, or procrastinate on a task you need to do? What if instead of using motivation and willpower, you could tap into joy to do it? Today, in the series on starting your year right off with a sustainable mindset, we go beyond motivation, and use kindness for ourselves to create a resourceful state that beats willpower. How can I get motivated to do a job I hate? Two weeks ago I was talking with a young man who is finishing his studies. And to sustain himself, he is teaching English, which is not his vocation. And he asked me: "How can I motivate myself to teach for two more years? I really don't like it, and my students make me crazy!" And I said to him that for sure, from this point of view, that was going to be difficult and painful! I also said that I don't really believe in motivation and willpower. Willpower will only last until it breaks. But in the conversation, he had told me that he loves seeing the face of his students when they understand something new. And also that this job makes him feel like he is doing a difference for good in the world. He knows that here in Vietnam, his students will have significantly more possibilities in their life by speaking English. So instead of playing with willpower, we found how to use this to create a state of joy from which he will teach them. Now can you imagine the difference for him, and his students, between those two scenarios: * He shows up frustrated, using willpower, driven by one idea: Thanks to this job, he will get the money to study what he loves, and get a better job... in two years.* He connects to what he like in this job, even if it isn't what he wants to do forever: How can I teach today, so that I open this understanding in my students and they get a chance to a better life? Which one do you think would be more powerful? The Marshmallow test The Marshmallow test is a study from the sixties to study the effect of delayed gratification: They give a kid a marshmallow, and said:"You can eat it now, or wait until I return and get another one." There are plenty videos of poor kids doing all kinds of things to distract themselves. In the original study, they followed the kids for decades, and observed better scores at school, better jobs, less divorce, better social life and so on, for the kids who had waited. And that is our classical view of motivation, based on incentive: being able to painfully wait for the future reward instead of instant gratification. Beyond delayed gratification (revisiting the Marshmallow test) In a new study in the nineties, researchers found that delayed gratification wasn't so important than the economic well-being of the families of the kids. It is way easier to wait for the second marshmallow if you are used to things around you being stable, and promises being kept. But if you live in a family where you never know if you will have money to end the month, how much are you going to trust that the second marshmallow could never come, let alone this one could even vanish? And that has all to do with the emotional state this kids are in, which influences their thoughts, and even their physical body. If the way to your goal is going to be hell, you will never want to do it. And if you persuade yourself to do it, it will be difficult and with great efforts.
February 25, 2020
Affirmations vs Reminders… Which works best? – Integrally Alive Podcast
What do you need to remember today, to be sure to have no regrets going to bed tonight? We go on to start the year with a sustainable mindset: We've seen the importance of rest and how to do it effectively to be in a good state in order to set sustainable goals, thanks to a few of the principles from permaculture, then we made sure to define success with flexibility. Finally we aligned our attention, with our intention. What if we had real-life subtitles A few years ago, a brilliant series of short-movies went super successful on french TV: "Bref". One thing that made it special, is they often would show the interactions between two people on two levels. For example the character would go to a job-interview, and at the end, when he would go, the dialogue would go like this: The voice-over would say something like "He said to me:'We'll call you back.' And I heard: 'Go to hell.'" It was very funny, because it was real: How many times do we hear things that don't match the behavior of the person saying it? Here is a classic: * "Hi, how are you doing?" * I'm OK.* Are you sure?* "I'm fine!". [exasperated voice] What would you write as subtitle here? "I am not OK and I don't want to talk about it, so stop asking questions." would be my version. And that is the problem with affirmations. Are you congruent with your affirmations? When you say affirmations, how does it feel? Is there any mismatch between what you say and your sense of truth, or are they perfectly aligned? In other words: Do you honestly believe what you say? That is congruence: no inner resistance whatsoever between our verbal, and our non-verbal communication. And that is true for communication with others, and with ourselves, alike. Let's imagine Bob's affirmation is:"It becomes easier and easier to exercise." But his reality is:"He sees himself as someone who don't exercise, and has to motivate himself to do it, because it is difficult, and unpleasant." Then each time he says his affirmation, he is basically reminding himself that he doesn't believe it is true. Which accentuate the gap between his current behavior, his Self-image, and his goal, his ideal Self; and as a result, makes him feel worse, not better, and doesn't encourages him to do the behavior he wants to develop. It's like receiving a compliment when you know the other person doesn't mean it, but only says it to please you. How does it feel? Worse than if they said nothing, right? Your intellect is OK with this idea, but your whole body reacts to the non-verbal communication, physically, emotionally. And your emotional state influences your thoughts an awful lot. Unapologetic affirmations? So if you are going to use affirmations, you need to become congruent about it: you need your emotional Self to believe and be happy with what your intellectual Self is thinking. You want to feel a big "Hell yes!" in your body!
February 17, 2020
Beat procrastination with this simple tool to align intention and attention – Integrally Alive Podcast
What are you NOT going to pay attention to today? Continuing the Series on Starting your year with a sustainable mindset: We've seen the importance of rest and how to do it effectively to be in a good state in order to set sustainable goals, thanks to a few of the principles from permaculture, then we made sure to define success with flexibility. So today we are moving on! And for that, we need to align our attention, with our intention... Why and how? This summer I lived in Rome, Italy. I couldn't leave Rome without visiting the Sixtin chapel. As you might imagine, or you know if you've been there, it is a seriously popular attraction. To visit it, you first go through a whole museum, that's so packed with antic goodness, that you could spend days admiring all of it. There were a fair amount of visitors, but I could mostly look at the art undisturbed, and take as much time as I wanted. And then I arrived in the Sixtin Chapel. And suddenly, it is as packed as the metro in Paris at peak hours. There are people telling you were to go, and not to go, so everyone is packed in the middle of the room, some trying to exit, some trying to take picture though it is strictly forbidde, some trying to watch the paintings, kids just going around... After a few minutes of this circus, I was paying more attention to finding a good posture than actually admiring the paintings. As you know, most of it is on the ceiling, which doesn't make it easy or comfortable to look at for an extended time. I had to pause, and remember my intention: seeing the paintings. And refocus my attention accordingly. Does that feels familiar to you? OK, maybe not visiting the Sixtin chapel. But we begin with an intention, then things pop up, and a few minutes, hours, days, months into it... We realise we are spending our precious attention on things that are not priority. Sounds familiar now? Welcome to being human. Selective attention and 7 plus or minus 2 chunks of attention Last year I talked about selective attention. Basically, we are only able to retain a small amount of information in our working memory. A famous paper in a Psychological Review by George Miller says that we can process 7 plus or minus 2 chunks of attention. More recent studies have estimated the processing capacity of the conscious mind at 120 bits per second. Our consciousness has a bandwidth, or window, like your internet connection. Whatever information that overloads it at any one time doesn't get in our conscious attention. Because of this limited bandwidth, we have an "attentional filter", which is mostly unconscious, but that we can influence consciously, to automatically ignore the information that is not important at that moment Attention is in the present, intention is in your future What about the link with intention? Attention happens in the present. So when we are overload with information, which if you don't live in a cave, happens to you daily, we make a constant choice toward what we pay attention to. Intention is linked to the future: We imagine something that we want to get to.
February 11, 2020
Define your happiness with flexibility for success – Integrally Alive Podcast
Last week we talked about setting a direction for ourselves in a permaculture way. So now you know where you are going... How will you know you have succeeded? HOW ELSE? Today is all about flexibility to maximize your happiness and success. Recently I was coaching a round of a Mindvalley quest on the human diet and our relationship to food: WildFit. Often participants have a weight-loss goal in joining this program. Sometimes a very specific number of kilos. During the program, invariably, other things happen as well. Their skin and hair get better, they feel less tired, some health issues get sorted... All sorts of improvements. But many times they don't see it until I ask. It might sound surprising, because it seems obvious, right? Part of it is because it is happening over time, gradually, so it is not until they pause to look back at before the challenge, that they realize that in the end, it makes a big difference. More than anything, it is because while you're busy looking at the finger, you will never see the moon. If they have set one factor of checking for success, and it is not there, then it is a failure. The more specific your checklist gets, the more it turns into a recipe for failure. Tunneled vision makes you blind Tunneled vision often called tunnel vision, in medical terms, is the loss of peripheral vision with retention of central vision, resulting in a constricted circular tunnel-like field of vision. It happens naturally when we need to focus intensely, under stress. (and by the way, therefore a simple tip to de-stress is to intentionally soften your vision, using your peripheral vision) A study shows that the change in vision affects the audition, too. So your attention bandwidth is narrowing, in all of your sensory inputs. We call it tunnel vision, but it is really tunnel senses. And our sensory input create our reality. We don't see the world as it is, we see the world as we perceive it. This physical phenomena, happens in the mind too. Having a vision is great. It moves you forward, gives you both the motivation and the inspiration to create something in your life. The problems is when this vision becomes to narrow, into a tunnel vision It has many repercussions, and can happen in a few different ways. It always involves being blind to anything that is outside the tunnel. For example, for the participants in the challenge I mentioned before, they want to change their relationship to food. Let's say that Bob is one of them, and his only proof that this has happened, is having lost twenty kilos. He will easily ignore everything else that is happening in the direction of improving his relationship to food. He might even not take weight-loss in account so much, because: "Yeah, but it is only two kilos. I need to lose eighteen more.". So if at the end of the challenge, let's say, as it usually happens, he has got rid of his cravings, has a better digestion, sleep and energy level, lost more kilos than ever... He might still feel like he failed, because his only target wasn't achieved. Which, just in case you wonder, I don't let happen of course, because during the challenge I teach and train the participants to get out of tunnel vision. In the worst scenario, tunnel vision turns into what Timothy Leary and then Robert Anton Wilson called a reality tunnel,
February 04, 2020
Automatically create your dreams with your optimized personal ecosystem – Integrally Alive Podcast
So you've got goals for this year...How do you know you're going to achieve them? What would support your journey?What do you need for this goal to become impossible to miss? Let's see how we can apply permaculture in your life to create an ecosystem supporting your dreams. It all starts with a dream (of sailing the world in my case) When I was a teenage, I had a dream of sailing the world. Now, I was living inland, had sailed just a few times, and didn't really know if that was actually doable. But I had no doubt I would do it. So I began to read every book I could on the subject. Then I saw personal websites from families who were doing this. I started to learn sailing. I took every chance to sail that I could. I went on boat building & repairing sites, and talked to as many people as I could, to figure out what was the best choice of boat for my needs. I researched every post of boat sale, visited harbors and so on. I did this and a lot more, and eventually, I bought a sailing-boat and went living & traveling on it for some years. Did I plan all of this, in chronological order? NO! I had this dream, I observed where I was in relationship to that, and what I needed to get there. I began to move, and adjusted my trajectory on the way. It was pretty much an organic grow. I was pretty much applying the principles of permaculture And I didn't know it at the time, but I was pretty much applying the principles of permaculture, and that is exactly what I offer you today for this next year. A new way to go after your dreams, so instead of needing external inputs to achieve them, you create an ecosystem for them to automatically grow. The bigger idea behind all of the principles of permaculture comes from the observation that the concept of what has become traditional agriculture, relying on external inputs like fertilizers and the like, is eventually impoverishing the soil and the whole ecosystem. And if instead we trust and respect the ecosystem we want to grow plants in, and live with, we can make it thrive, and even turn problems into solution (for example composting our waste to nourish the soil). So in permaculture, the most important aspect of the production is that the system should be self-sustainable, and resilient. And that is something that can totally be applied to our own productivity. I selected the most important principles for that. (I'm not going to go over the 12 principles. They are all interesting, but it would be too long. Look at the video below on this page, which is presenting them quite nicely. I might continue to present them over time if you're interested though. Tell me if that is the case.) The first permaculture principle is: "Observe and interact." I cannot tell you how much I love that one! When we have a dream, a goal, often we focus most on what we want to create, forgetting to observe the current situation. So our intention setting process is often a model of mind over body, and everything else. We impose impossible goals and exhaust the system. Do you know your ecosystem? Your intellect is only one of your intelligences. Your emotions also have wisdom, as does your physical body. You can listen to them all, as well as your spiritual, your energetic (your overall vitality),
January 28, 2020
Start 2020 strong… Give yourself a break! – Integrally Alive Podcast
How do you know you do need a break? Do you take enough breaks? And how do you come back after a break? One of the most important things with taking breaks, is the timing. Ever heard "You'll sleep when you're dead?" Well... That's exactly the problem: You don't need sleep when you're dead, you need it now, to stay alive. And you might be thinking: "But Claire, we can't always choose!" I know! On how to balance action and rest, how to relax efficiently to be ready for action AND how to apply this to set realistic intention for your year, so that you actually do what you planned, while staying mentally & physically healthy. I know that you don't always choose. I personally had a reminder of that just before Christmas: I traveled from Melbourne to Vietnam. Now I was tired, I just finished a three months NLP training the day before. I obviously didn't choose the dates, and due to my visa expiring, I needed to exit the country right away. Well, arriving in Vietnam, with the change in weather conditions, and timezone, my body said: "Stop!" And I just had to rest and relax. Which I thought I would do, just not to that extent. And the thing is, because I needed that break earlier but couldn't stop, now my bodymind needed A LOT of rest. Logical, right? A big step in one direction will need a big step in the opposite direction to balance. What are those directions? The two faces of you autonomic nervous system Autonomic means that it functions without you consciously controlling it. * sympathetic nervous system: fight, flight, freeze — stress response & action* parasympathetic nervous system: rest, digest — nourish & restore They control your bodily functions, but send opposite messages: * sympathetic nervous system: * accelerates your breath & heart rate* sends blood to muscles* shuts down your immune system: no time for illness when you need to run for your life * parasympathetic nervous system: * decreases your breath & heart rate* sends blood to organs: digests, eliminates toxins, restorative functions* supports your immune system So ideally you want to balance your parasympathetic nervous system and your sympathetic nervous system Activate your parasympathetic nervous system to rest & relax, so that you're ready for action and can then activate your sympathetic nervous system when you need to. The king activity for the parasympathetic system is of course sleep. Look at the resources for a very interesting TED talk about why you should take time to sleep, with examples of consequences of a sympathetic / parasympathetic imbalance. If you activate one or the other for too long, then it can get difficult to switch to the other one. And when you do, it can turn into an opposite imbalance. Have you ever procrastinated, then suddenly woke up and decided to take action? And because you waited for so long, went into action like a warrior, only to end up exhausted? The classic totally unbalanced swing. Yeah, I know, who does that, right? How to apply this knowledge of your nervous system to open the year on a good note? ... and put all the chances on your side to have a great year.
January 20, 2020
Get unstuck: Drop “Why” – Integrally Alive Podcast
Do you want to know one of the best way to get stuck? Ask: "Why?". What can you do instead? Good question! ;-) This morning, I felt uninspired. Or rather than uninspired, lots of idea but none looks interesting or inspiring for you. And it felt weird, because I love what I do, I love to share wisdom and tools with you and see how you put it into practice and change your lives. So what do I do with that? I could go into "Why is this happening?". That would make me explore all the reasons, and keep me in that space of "non-inspired". Because our mind works like that. In a way, it is like a dog wanting to play throw and catch... waiting for something to catch. Ask a question, and your mind will give you lots of answers. Why is directed towards the past Your question is going to direct your mind in a particular direction. And the direction "Why" points to, is the past: "What happened so I'm here right now?" Is looking at the past going to make you move forward? Very unlikely! So the question remains: What do I do with that? Nothing! I acknowledge it. It is my state at this moment, and negating it would be lying to myself. So I notice it and welcome it. And then I just do my podcast... Even if I'm uninspired and like none of my ideas are worth making a podcast on. I choose a topic and go. I intentionally choose to move forward. Even if right now feeling this crappy feeling, I know that I enjoy doing this. I know that chances are, once I get moving, my feeling automatically changes, because I'm doing something I love. I know that even if I find all these topics not interesting enough today, someone needs to hear them. And I'm doing this for that someone. When emotional state and rational thinking don't align I know all of this, but at that moment, I don't feel it. Action, doing something in that direction, is a way to realign my rational thinking (showing me the direction), and the feeling (they will be sparked from action). Are you waiting to be ready? If you wait until you're ready, until you "feel it", you might wait for a loooong time! They are different approaches, different ways to change your emotional state. And one of them is action. Any action. Just the tiniest step, will change your state. So what is something you want to do, but don't feel like doing? What are you going to do about it? Investigating why and getting more stuck? Or finding the tiny step you could do right now to get moving? I look forward to hearing what state this tiny step sparked in you, and what action did it snowball into. Your weekly dose of fierce love A mix of love and brutal honesty! Boom, life just got easier! You like this, and you want more? subscribe, so you get your weekly dose. You want even more? Hop on my socials, and share your thoughts and comments. I love to read them, and reply... with fierce love. Stay tuned for the next episode, à bientôt. ;-)
December 11, 2019
How owning our story sets us free – Integrally Alive Podcast
Is there a story or a situation holding you back from being yourself? Today is all about private speaking and how owning our story, and especially our "one freaking question", can set us free. For a long time in my life, I had a question I dreaded people would ask me, because I didn't want to answer. So I would do my best to avoid that question to be asked in the first place. And then when eventually it would come up, I would answer indirectly. I shared in a video about this: my one freaking question (see below). Not a big deal, you might think. BUT in the end, it was taking me a lot of energy. And I was not feeling free, it felt like hiding a part of myself. The things we shut up, shut us down Because we don't want them to take up too much space, we ignore and try to hide them, but exactly by doing that, they end up taking all the space. DISCLAIMER! Do we need to share everything about us? I'm not saying that! I've got no problem with answering "It's private" to some questions, and / or to people I am not intimate enough to trust and open my heart to. But if there is something in particular that you're spending too much energy to hide... Maybe it isn't worth all this energy. If you don't want to think about something, what is the first thing you have to do? If I tell you right now: "Don't think about a cat playing volleyball on the beach"... what picture is showing up in your mind? "A cat playing volleyball on the beach"! You have to picture it first, and then you can un-think it. That's how our mind works. It is exactly the same with what we want to hide. We end up thinking waaaay to much about it. It is like wearing these T-shirts with slogans:"I'm not perfect, but I'm unique!". Except we wear it backwards, so we can't see it, but everyone else can. And maybe they can't read the slogan, but they can feel something is going on. The thing we shut up about, we let them define who you are. One big downside of wearing the "happy face" mask, is of course then we can't be authentic. And it's very hard to connect on a deep level with people when you're not being authentic. So how do we quit the mask? Now comes the magic! The day we relax and become OK to answer to what was our one freaking question, we find out... It doesn't get asked so much. Owning our story is much more about an internal process than a sort of coming out to the world. It starts with our-self. It starts with making peace with a part of our-self that might be more difficult to love. It starts with understanding that everyone has or has had their own, and that many people would actually recognise themselves in our struggle. We are never alone going through what we got through. Owning our story means loving the whole of who we are, and who we were... No matter what we think the rest of the world might think about it. Because, it is just a thought; we have no way of knowing what they think, until we ask. And even then, what they think says much more about them, than about us; so it is not really worth paying too much attention to it. Owning our story means being free to be, independently of our situation, past or present. The day you are not defined by your situation,
November 26, 2019
Can words change your life? – Integrally Alive Podcast
This summer I was at a speaking event, and heard the story of a woman, who shared how she overcame depression and wanting to kill herself. A very brave thing to do, especially on stage; and so needed, too, because the stigma on these topics is literally killing people, who otherwise would speak up and ask for help. So when she sat back, right next to me, I turned to her and thank her for her courage, expressing that I know how difficult it can be to talk about suicide. She looked at me with surprise, and answered that she never thought about her story as "suicide". Now I was surprised. You would think that "killing yourself" and "suicide" mean the same thing, isn't it? Well apparently it is not that obvious! This is quite a dramatic example, but we do this in a lot in our life: We use words to make the situation sounds more acceptable. There is a sentence I hear many variations of in my coaching practice: "I'm fine, I'm just very very busy." Well OK then, it sounds like you don't need much help; everything is under control... Or the illusion of control? A word I used a lot was "tired". And I came to realise that sometimes, I was tired and I needed some rest. And sometimes, something was wrong; and my tiredness was a sign that I needed to change something. Basically it meant that I was bored and uninspired by what I was doing, and needed to reconnect to, you know... What makes me feel alive! My passion and joy, things like doing this podcast for example. I had this elephant in the room, and it was hiding behind "tired" The thing is, until I called it by its real name, nothing I would do would change the situation. Of course! Because nothing I could do to resolve "being tired", would solve "being uninspired". Quite the opposite, even, as resting is not super inspiring for me. I learned to recognise it. Now I know that when I feel that kind of "tired", I need to look at the elephant behind. And I can do it before it has grown so big I can't ignore it, the sooner the better! Does it ring a bell to you? What I'm really talking about here is awareness. Awareness is THE key & first step to any transformation Unless you say hello to the elephant in the room, it's not going anywhere. It wants love and attention, like everyone. I will talk more about elephants, and how to hug them, in later episodes. But for now, tell me: Can you recognise this in your life? And maybe it is not you, but it was before, or you know someone... Can you see a word any elephant is hiding behind? Your weekly dose of fierce love A mix of love and brutal honesty! Boom, life just got easier! You like this, and you want more? subscribe, so you get your weekly dose. You want even more? Hop on my socials, and share your thoughts and comments. I love to read them, and reply... with fierce love. Stay tuned for the next episode, à bientôt. ;-)
November 20, 2019
Can you show me the way? What can you be the role-model for? – Integrally Alive Podcast
Who is inspiring you? Who are you inspiring? When I learned Shiatsu (a Japanese bodywork), we used to call my top teacher "Sasaki Sensei". Sensei wasn't part of his name, but the Japanese word for "teacher". This word actually has a more complex meaning than that. Sensei: The person who has walked this path before you. It doesn't mean s/he is an enlightened master; or a better, or a worse person than you. You might even have walked other path that s/he doesn't know. But that one, s/he knows; From experience. Not just from books and theory. S/he walked all the way. S/he stumbled on the tiny rock that no-one sees and everybody stumble on. S/he might as well red books and learned the theory, but the most important part is, their teaching comes from experience. S/he cannot walks the path FOR you, or instead of you, but can help you navigate through the journey. Sensei and role-model This description is pretty close to what a role-model is for me. Except that a Sensei might teach you, a role-mode probably won't. Yet it is someone who has done it before. Someone you can observe and learn from. Someone that, just because they did this thing you want to do, is the living proof that it is possible. When I dreamed to buy a sailing-boat and go travel on it, I knew no-one who had done it. The day I found a "personal website" (pre-google age guys ) of a family living and traveling on a catamaran, it mainly made two things for me, that a role-model, even unknowingly, provide: A role-model gives you permission Just because they are doing your dream, their experience says: "You are not crazy for wanting this, even if no-one else around you understands, or even believe you can do it." A role-model shows you the way In the end you have to find your own version of your dream. But isn't it nice to have inspirations and examples of way to get there? Will you be my role-model? You might not be a teacher, or consider yourself as a leader, but you have walked a few paths in your life. You've learned things, from "just" living your life. And if nothing comes to mind right now, I have a question: Could that be because you've learned those lessons so well that you don't even remember you were struggling in the first place. It has become "duh", just something you do. But there was a "first time" you heard / read / realized it, and at that moment, it like was a giant light-bulb; A bit like me when I saw the story of this family. So now it might sound so obvious for you that you forgot that some people might still need to hear it. What are you the sensei for, and who are you the sensei to? Everyday, you are inspiring people. If you've got kids, that is pretty obvious. Beyond this, you are inspiring your family, your friends, your neighbors, people you meet in the street, etc. You are inspiring everyone you meet... Want it or not. So what path have you walked, that you can and want to help people navigate? Your weekly dose of fierce love A mix of love and brutal honesty! Boom, life just got easier! You like this, and you want more? subscribe, so you get your weekly dose. You want even more? Hop on my socials,
November 13, 2019
What leader do you choose to be? – Integrally Alive Podcast
What leader do you choose to be? (and, by the way: Do you feel like you are a leader?) Is a question that emerged this summer, when I was offered to write a chapter in the book "Ignite for conscious leaders". To celebrate the publishing of the book, I'm gifting a 1 on 1 session with me: Answer that question in the FB group, and I'll pick one. I know you can inspire us, and you can be inspired by the tribe... so it might be you, winning the 1 on 1 session and creating your vision in the world. Leaders neither push nor pull, they allow.Their experience inspires, and gives permission to walk in their steps.Claire Wild My first reaction was:"Conscious? Leader? Me?" My idea of "leader" was quite grandiose: Dalai Lama, mother Teresa, Aung San Suu Ki... Yes, those are leaders And I've heard enough people labeling themselves "conscious" where, -hum- I was struggling to see why or how they were "conscious"... to be extra cautious about auto-labeling myself anything. In the writing of my chapter, the meaning of being a leader emerged and changed a few times. I won't spoil the book, but something about being unapologetic emerged very strongly. One big aspect about being a leader, is: You are leading... DUH! (I know, thanks you Claire for this magnificent piece of wisdom; you're welcome ) But think about it: If you are leading, it means that you are not following. You are not changing your behavior to please or ease anyone. And it doesn't mean you are doing your thing, not caring about anyone else but you... Quite the opposite. But you are not going down to the level of fear, criticism, expectations. You are taking everyone up with you, to the level of self-acceptance, and unconditional love. You don't need a following to be a leader It is about who you are. It isn't defined by the situation, it is a mindset. It is about going out in the world, and instead of asking:"Do you like me? Am I OK to belong to your tribe? Please?".You are going into the world boldly declaring: "This is me. I love you, whether you do like me or not; so I don't need to change who I am, or my story, for you to accept me." The magic side-effect in that, is you give everyone else permission to do the same thing: Be unapologetically themselves. Isn't that a way of leading? You bet it is! And I want to bring it to more people, so you will hear more about these "I own my story declarations" in the weeks to come. If you've been following me for a while, you heard at least two already; and more of these interviews / declarations are to come. One of these could be yours, and it would be my absolute pleasure to facilitate you into declaring yourself boldly in the wold. If you were unapologetic, what would it change for you? What would you do? Who would you be?If you knew someone was watching, and was going to be inspired by your actions... How would you live? I am very curious to know the answer to that question: What leader do you choose to be? Win a 1 on 1 session If you want to go the extra mile, join the FB group IAm connected (click here), and post your vision. I am gifting a 1 on 1 session to help you create your unapologetic vision. Resources
November 06, 2019
Why you need to do what makes you come alive – Integrally Alive Podcast
How often do you do what makes you come alive? I like to try new things. But some things are so good that I like to repeat them again and again. Like my favorite questions:"What makes you feel alive?" What makes you feel alive? If you're familiar with the podcast, you will recognize this question: I love it so much, that I used to end every interview of season one with it. And it was beautiful to hear the answers, always different, always inspiring (so much so that I dedicated the last episode of the season to this question alone). The answers were very diverse, showing the uniqueness of my guests, and had all something in common: they were simple things. Like feeling the warm touch of sun on the skin, singing, smelling the morning breakfast, cooking for the family or friends, cooking for oneself, swimming in the sea, reading a book on a rainy day... Isn't beautiful how the best things in life are the simplest? We often ask ourselves big and somewhat complicated questions, like: I need to find my passion, I need to figure out my audience, how can I trust again, where I want to settle, with who would I want to settle, is s/he the right one to spend the rest of my life with, how can I connect with myself... These are BIG questions, and we think we need BIG answers, so they must come in BIG ways: We need to go on a two weeks retreat in the desert, or use the fifteen-step process to transform, or go through the six month course on finding my inner child... And then... when we have done the process, then, we will have THE answer. The thing is, what do we do until then? We just hold our breath, half living? Not a very nice feeling, right? (I know, I've tried ;-) ) Behind all of these questions, is the same need to connect to our Self Though these questions sound grandiose, they hide the same need to remember who we are, at the core, behind the identity we build for living in society. Possibly my favorite quote sums it up very elegantly: Don’t ask what the world needs. Ask what makes you come alive, and go do it. Because what the world needs is people who have come alive.~ Howard Thurman And as we get caught up in our agendas and to-do lists, we tend to forget the simple things that makes us come alive. There is an easy and effective way to remember it: make a list of what makes you come alive. Duh!, is it that simple? Well, yes! On mine, there is dancing (of course, what did you expect ;-) ), traveling, singing, being in nature, seeing friends, meeting people, laughing, smiling to random people, lying in the sun, watching the rain pouring down from a cosy place with a cup of tea warming my hands, recording a video for you... Some require some set up in advance, some are super easy and always available. Most of the time, we just do it, and don't need this reminder. But the day we feel like we need a 10-step plan to happiness, or THE super strategy to find our place in the world, that's when the list helps to keep it simple. These days, we can pick the easiest thing available to us right now and do it. Because these days, we might not even have the energy to think about those things, they might be out of sight. And often, just doing an item of the list will be all we need to remember: "Hey,
October 30, 2019
The foundation for effective communication – Integrally Alive Podcast
Have you ever found yourself frustrated in a conversation, because it didn't go as planned, or as it was "supposed" to? Probably the most important thing for having an effective communication was missing... Can we let the intention structure the interaction, instead of letting our agenda limit it? Last week I went to a dancing evening. (I know, how surprising of me, right? ;-) ) The facilitator was talking lots, like they sometimes do in the beginning, to get people moving. Half an hour in, he was still talking, and people were dancing. And he stopped the music. And he had us make a circle, and started to talk about why he was doing this, and what this event was about... Which felt so off to me, as we were already doing it; a bit late to say: "Hey, this is what we are going to do." Looking around me, I could see eyes rolling, people slowly become more and more still, and I could feel the atmosphere of the room changing. He finally started the music again, we went on dancing, and he continued to give a lot of cues towards what he wanted to see happening... but still disconnected from what was happening in the room.He wasn't listening to what was there, and responding to that; he had an agenda and was going to make THAT happen, no matter what; Like if we were there FOR HIM, instead of him facilitating the experience FOR US. And maybe you're thinking:"Claire, you're sweet and it's great you love dance so much, but I'm not a dance facilitator, so..." I get it, but the above applies to every conversation, and every interaction, we have. We often engage into a conversation with an agenda? With an idea of the outcome we would like from the interaction: that person could become a friend, my romantic partner, a client, a work partner... What if we shifted to having an agenda, to setting an intention? Can we let the intention structure the interaction, instead of letting our agenda limit it? And maybe you're a freelance, a coach (totally random example), or any other situation where you need to have "enrollment conversation". So you need to have an agenda, right? What is the worst case scenario? (To me that would always be that I didn't connected to that person on a human to human level) Let's say it is that this person wouldn't become a client after this conversation; it would be a fail, right? Well, no matter what happened, s/he would respect you for not forcing anything on her/him. And maybe that person would: recommend you to someone else; become your client later; experience a shift, and not need to be your client anymore, and become one of your biggest fans... We never know what is going to come up from a conversation. Setting an intention instead of having an agenda lets room for whatever needs to happen, to actually happen. Of course, it only applies to you if you believe that forcing things on people never work (at least in the long-term), and can trust into building the relationship instead. Can we have more than one intention for the interaction? And while we are at it, let's have more than one intention for the interaction! Mine usually are * connect to that person, human to human (versus coach to client or whatever the case)* make him/her come (even) more alive* empower her/him in regards to whatever they struggle with And another might be, if the way the conversation goes makes it relevant: offer to work with me. Why have more than one? First, it is possible because intention is flexible,
October 22, 2019
Unapologetic freedom for unconventional humans – Integrally Alive Podcast
Bonjour life sparklers! The Integrally alive podcast is back for season two: practical wisdom and tools for the bodyMind every week... For unconventional humans to embody their unapologetic Self and create a life of freedom & joy. How sweet, isn't it? Yeah, I know, can't help it. ;-) I'm super excited to begin this new season for you, and with a new format: There will be some interviews, but most of the podcast will be me sharing practical wisdom and tools to make your life easier & more enjoyable. And in a minute I'm going to tell you what to expect. The big why But first, I hear you: unapologetic?! Yeah, another trendy word that's been so used it has lost all power and meaning. Sadly, we still miss it in our life. Just a few years ago, Bonnie Ware, a nurse working with people at the end of their life, published a book: The Top Five Regrets of the Dying. Do you know what the first of these regrets was? "I wish I'd had the courage to live a life true to myself, not the life others expected of me." So, YES TO UNAPOLOGETIC! I unapologetically wish more people to be unapologetic and enjoy a life that is true to themselves. (And I secretly hope that I will pronounce the word "unapologetically" right very soon! Until then, I unapologetically pronounce it in my own way.) Here goes for my big why, but What to expect? Practical wisdom and tools for the bodyMind to make life easier and more enjoyable! Basically, I will touch on everything body & mind related that makes us come more alive. And especially: Shifting from stress to resilience Stress, whatever we name it: overwhelm, decision fatigue, FOMO, anxiety, burn out... This word has become like the tree that hides the forest. What is it really? And what is resilience, and how to grow it? I've got the first good news for you: You were born, and you are alive, right? So you are already resilient! Yep, you just need to grow it. Mastering private speaking Public speaking is great, but what about communicating more effectively with yourself and others, in daily life? That is what private speaking is about. I believe this is something that should be taught in school, to everyone! Owning our stories & the power of storytelling We all have stories, and until we own them, they own us. Hey, sharing stories has been around for thousand years... There must be a reason! Bringing awareness to, & embodying all of your intelligences You read correctly, intelligences, plural: This is the only podcast that makes you 6 times more intelligent. Most of the time, when we talk about intelligence, we think about rational thinking. But we have much more resource than that, in our emotions, in our physical body, in our relationships... So, instead of unconsciously being controlled by them... How would it be to access these resources and intentionally use them in daily life? Welcome to being multidimensional. It is going to be... Simple Because complex is beautiful, but simple is more effective! Practical, and experiential Because much more than from what we read or think, we learn from what we do.
October 09, 2019
What makes you feel Alive?, with Claire Wild – Integrally Alive Podcast
This has been the ritual ending question of the podcast for this last year. And wow, it has been inspiring, touching in many ways, and so diverse! So for the last episode of this season of the podcast, I decided to gather all the answers (Unfortunately some I couldn't put in, due to a too big discrepancy in the quality of the sound). From great sex, to cooking, traveling, enjoying every moment, connecting with others, living the question... There is a lot of wise and even poetic inspiration in this special episode; one to come back to whenever we struggle to answer this "simple" question: What makes you feel alive? In this episode, you hear the answer from: * Rick Sharpe: Healing is mindfully feeling, Part one and Part two [2:02]* Sydney Lander : I am not my thoughts, vibrant life on the other side of suicidal thoughts [4:10]* Monique Debose: Expressing your authentic self [5:31]* Martyn Sibley: Everything is possible and Supporting world changers [6:17]* Ortal Pelleg: Healing with sound vibrations [7:36]* Estela Kun: Location independent lifestyle & creating a life of freedom [8:22]* Alyse Speyer: Creative writing, the book inside you, Part one and Part two [10:51]* Amrit Sandhu: Inspired evolution and finding health through purpose [13:12]* Nicole Gibson: Love Out Loud [14:19]* Sue Martin: Out of the whirlpool [17:05]* Charly Jaffe: Turning crises into sucess, Part one and Part two [19:02]* Jonny Miller: Radical curiosity in the face of the suicide of a loved one [21:24] Go and check their interviews for even more inspiration! See you soon for the next season :-D
June 06, 2019
Out of the whirlpool, with Sue Martin – Integrally Alive Podcast
If I told you I know a woman who almost killed herself intentionally and thirty years later is one of the funniest and joyful person I know... Would you believe me? This episode might be one of the most "serious" of this season, by the subject. It is also one of those we laughed the most. And i couldn't be happier about that; because only when it will become easier to talk about these "serious" and tough topics, will it also become easier to tackle these issues. So get ready for an incredible story, with an incredible woman! "I didn't think I could ask for help. I know today that if I would have asked for it, I would have gotten it. But at the time, I felt I was unique. [...] So stay alive, even if it's minute to minute, hour to hour, stay alive, and seek the resources that can give you the resilience and the strength to move forward." Sue Martin On depression, suicide, blindness, joy and laughter, mountains, the beauty of life… In this episode, you will learn about: * How Sue came to contemplate suicide. [3:30] * "Every bit of joy and accomplishment vanished, as soon as I was on the ground, and I thought I never would be happy again." Sue Martin* I was just going through the motions. I found no joy in life, I found no happiness, no purpose. * Suicide is NOT wanting to die... It is about wanting to end the pain. [9:29] * "And I finally arrived at a place where the only thing I could think of to end the pain was ending my life." Sue Martin * "I didn't think I could ask for help. I know today that if I would have ask for it, I would have gotten it. But at the time, I felt I was unique. [...] So stay alive, even if it's minute to minute, hour to hour, stay alive, and seek the resources that can give you the resilience and the strength to move forward." Sue Martin * The "positivity" trap (No struggles on Facebook and Instagram). * In a sense, depression and suicidal tendencies are invisible disability, so we have to get out of our way to admit it is happening. * Life after suicide: What could have been the drop too much, was actually the way out! [20:19] * "Down inside there was a spark, that said: "Look, you have two choices here: You can either give up, or learn what you have to learn, and see where life takes you." And that's the route I chose: To learn what I needed to learn, to live independently... And where it's taken me is pretty darn great!" Sue Martin * "It was the feeling of competence that led to a feeling of confidence, and it started a cycle." Sue Martin * "It was not easy, it was a long process, but every day that I added a skill was a victory. And I learned to savor those victories." Sue martin * "It wasn't just the challenge, it was accepting and embracing the challenge of learning a new way of living that made all the difference." Sue Martin * A long road to go... Finding support is crucial! [27:31] * "There were times were I found myself not considering suicide, but knowing that I was in trouble again [...] But I have always ensured that I had people I could go to to say out loud How I'm feeling, what I'm thinking." Sue Martin * "It is not only OK to say "I'm not in a good place", it's good to say out loud to another person: "I think I need some help." Sue Martin * "Every time I've reached out, I've gotten the support I needed. It's almost the greatest gift you can give another person, to listen, and give support." Sue Martin * You don't need to be a psychologist to help! What is the best way to help a friends having suicidal ideation? [31:26] * "If somebody had said to me: "Are you suicidal?" I think it would have been a wake-up call. And I would maybe not have been able to say yes right away, but I do think saying that word out loud is not the closing of a door,
May 16, 2019
Turning crises into success, with Charly Jaffe (part 2) – Integrally Alive Podcast
Last episode Charly shared how eventually her biggest challenges became her greatest teachers. And if you missed it, you probably want to go and listen to it before jumping on that one. You use storytelling all the time, whether you are aware of it or not. So how can you use it for healing? we talk about it a lot in this episode... Could owning our story, and sharing it to the world (or at least not be afraid anymore to share it), be a key for healing, and even peace on earth? You already know I'm a strong advocate of using storytelling as an empowerment tool, now it is Charly's turn to tell us... "When we can own and understand how stories are created in our head and start to shift them, we can shift the reality that we experience." Charly Jaffe On turning our pain into power, owning our story, learning from our crisis, enjoying life, writing books... * Sharing our stories is healing... And the timing has to be right, and some people are just not ready to hear you. [0:53]* Can we grow from our struggles? Growing versus fixing ourselves. [6:26] * "Sometimes it is about learning how to sit with our dark places." Charly Jaffe* The delicate balance between being acknowledging and staying present with the darkness, while being open to the lightness.* "Hope doesn't exist without challenge." Charly Jaffe * The importance of staying with, as care-givers. It is not so much what we do, rather than how we show up. [14:04]* The writing of the book Charly with her dad. [15:14] * "The way I was able to write in his voice was by really understanding his mental and emotional patterns and how he sees the world." Charly Jaffe * The process of giving birth to the story. [20:12] * "When we can own and understand how stories are created in our head and start to shift them, we can shift the reality that we experience. [...] Then when we can decide how she share that, how do we extract the lessons from it, then it kinds of amplify the power of that story in such a big way." Charly Jaffe* The power of stories to enhance empathy. * Using storytelling for coaching. [24:45] * Making it a partnership, where everyone takes responsibility for the process.* Going into life with curiosity. * Entrepreneurship is more of a mindset than a situation. [31:24] * "A lot of the entrepreneurial mindset is not necessarily taking life like "this is how things work", it is very much challenging how things work." Charly Jaffe* And you can get curious regarding of your professional situation, in every aspect of your life. * What makes you feel alive? [37:40] Who is Charly Jaffe Charly is a crisis counselor, best-selling author and captivating advocate for emotional health. With a background spanning industries and continents, she produced stories for BBC News, co-ran an Australian yoga school and was an award-winning Google strategist. However, her greatest teachers have come from her gravest challenges – losing her dignity, her mind and nearly her life. Now, she guides people through the conversations we often run from, uncovering the treasures on the other side. She is currently a graduate student at Columbia University’s Department of Counseling and Clinical Psychology. And she just wrote her first book together with her dad: Turning Crisis Into Success: A serial entrepreneur's lessons on overcoming challenge while keeping your sh*t together (it is available on Amazon) Where can you find Charly Jaffe? * http://www.charlyjaffe.
May 02, 2019
Turning crises into success, with Charly Jaffe (part 1) – Integrally Alive Podcast
What is the gift in this situation? Sounds familiar? If, like me, you heard it so much that you kind of can't hear it anymore, you're going to love what Charly brings on the topic! Yes, she went through some crises that not one of us would like to experience. And yes, over time, these same challenges became her greatest teachers. And... It didn't happen overnight. So if you are up for some spiritual bullshit busting, and resilience tool, jump on this episode! Stay tuned for next week's episode, with Charly. Beyond her story, she shares more about her experience in writing the book with her father. "Doing that healing work, owning my story, and then sharing my story; and then being able to be the support for other people... That brought so much power into my life." Charly Jaffe On fear, turning our pain into power, owning our story, learning from our crisis, enjoying life... * Charly had a few challenging moments in her life... That turned out to be her greatest teachers. [2:16] * "The things we try to run away from don't just disappear, they come back in different ways; and often times we can't tell, these things that are coming back, why they are there." Charly Jaffe* Finally "I used them as teachers and sign-posts to look at different parts of myself. [...] It gave me the tools to live a life so full, that at the end of it I can look back and say: "Yeah I did that well." Charly Jaffe * Taking care of our health... Physical AND mental health.[5:58] * The very special sense of flow we have during times of crises: "Those moments were so demanding that I was actually totally present." Charly Jaffe* But what happens when the peak of the crises is over? "No one said [I should mentally struggle after my time in the hospital], so I shouldn't be having this." Charly Jaffe* "I didn't know that post traumatic stress experiences can actually show up months later." Charly Jaffe* We prepare ourselves for running a marathon months in advance, but unfortunately in mental health often we don't look into it until we are in a place of crisis.* "A lot of time, we don't know how to show up to support people who are supporting the people. And it's those care-givers that can be the make-or-break." Charly Jaffe * Changing our view on what "crises" is, to better deal with it. [11:20] * "How are we able to dance with fear? " Charly Jaffe* We tend to see health as binary: I'm healthy / unhealthy… But it is more of a spectrum. And recognizing the signs early on is a game changer to going into the full crises. [16:20]* So many people don't recognize they have a problem, until the signs are so big they can't ignore them anymore."The biggest obstacle for asking for help was my own ego; was me thinking: I'm strong, I don't need help." Charly Jaffe* Seeing our mental and emotional patterns, and accepting them, instead of pushing away... That is strength!* "It doens't mean that the storm gets easier, but our toolbox becomes wider." Charly Jaffe* "If you're only looking at these really hard things, and then how I came out of it, and you don't see [the low moments], then I'm part of the problem; because then that creates false expectation." Charly Jaffe* Resilience and post traumatic growth: The more that we are shaken (to a certain degree), it shakes our view of the world. [23:32] * The key to growth is that uncomfortable period.* Resilience is all the time: When you are in the low, that is when you need and are doing resilience. * What was the shift from these times of crisis, to who Charly is today? [25:24] * The long process to stepping away from her life, and enquiring: Without all these things, Who am I?
April 25, 2019
Healing is mindfully feeling, with Rick Sharpe (part 2) – Integrally Alive Podcast
This is the last part of the interview, so if you missed the first part, you probably want to listen to it here. In this episode, we go on deeper on how and why the real strength is to be vulnerable. And especially how it serves our relationships; because, surprisingly, men and women communicate differently and it takes a bit of vulnerability and willingness to meet our partner where s/he is, and improve our communication to improve our relationships. And do you wonder how Rick went from journaling to writing a book (soon followed by another)? Yeah, I was curious too! " There is so much substance to opening your heart up. That creates a pathway for personal growth and better mental well-being." Rick Sharpe On men / women communication, relationships, emotional intelligence, vulnerability, journaling... * Men / women way of communicating... Men need to figure things out before talking, while women talk to figure things out. [01:34] * The lost art of listening: So many people think they are listening while they are just waiting for the right moment to say their line. * Vulnerability as a strength... Sadly we often see it as a weakness. [06:35] * "There is so much substance to opening your heart up. That creates a pathway for personal growth and better mental well-being." Rick Sharpe * Not everything works for everyone, but there is a solution for everyone. [09:14] * The problem with "fake positivity".* How to deal with pain; not only ours, but how to help someone who is struggling. * "No matter what you are going through, depression, anxiety, suicide ideation, all these kinds of things... You are not alone." Rick Sharpe [14:12] * The importance of talking, and journaling if talking to someone isn't an option. * From journaling to writing the book "The price of a heartbreak". [17:56] * It is more about sharing an experience than giving advice: "The only advice I could give would be based on my experience, which has nothing to do with them." Rick Sharpe * The more we share our story, the more we learn from it. [26:40]* The next book: collecting stories to help people move their life. [29:00]* The struggle on top of "mental health" issues: How do we accept the pain, when it is not visible? [32:11]* If stories are so important to share, how do we make sure they respect their boundaries without sharing too much, while staying authentic. [35:00]* What makes Rick feel alive? You've got to listen! ;-) [39:00] Who is Rick Sharpe? Rick worked as an air traffic controller for 20 years, and is a Master Life Coach and an Emotional Intelligence and Mindfulness Facilitator. He wrote a book called “The Price of Heartbreak”, inspired from what he calls his “year from hell”; that was also the beginning of a new chapter in his life, where he has learnt from experience how getting out his comfort zone was a key element of growth and becoming comfortable with being uncomfortable most days. He developed a method called the A.U.R.A method (Acknowledge, Understand, Responsibility, Action) that helps people who struggle emotionally. Today he is committed to sharing his journey of growth with others to inspire and connect. Where can you find Rick Sharpe ** Rick's book "The Price of Heartbreak" (Healing is mindfully feeling)
March 27, 2019
Healing is mindfully feeling, with Rick Sharpe (part 1) – Integrally Alive Podcast
Do you have your personal version of a "year from Hell"? Rick does, and that is what he shares in his book "The price of Heartbreak". On the podcast, he shares his story and how getting comfortable with the uncomfortable got him to place he didn't dare to go, like vulnerability. Discover why it is even more difficult for men than women to open up to it, and how Rick discovered and used emotional intelligence to heal. This is only the first part of the interview, stay tuned for next week's episode with the end, and more on emotional intelligence, relationship and how men and women can communicate better, and much more. " It was a cycle of getting to the rim of the hole I was in, and not quite getting out of it. It was a conscious decision I had to make (... that ...) I had to do something." Rick Sharpe On depression, heartbreak, relationships, emotional intelligence, vulnerability, storytelling, journaling... I just woke up one morning and looked up at myself in the mirror and it is almost as if I didn't recognize that person I was looking at anymore. We have this deep rooted thing inside us around survival, and I just kind of came to the surface, and I had to do something.Rick Sharpe * The story behind the book "The price of a Heartbreak" and the healing power of journaling: "It is something I had to get out of my head, then it took a life on its own." Rick Sharpe [02:06] * The value of having a historical path to reflect on: "I could see a tangible growth experience unfolding." Rick Sharpe* And a great tools to recognize what is going on: "That is the kind of moments when you have to look at yourself in the mirror and accept who you are. And to do that you got to understand how you got there." Rick Sharpe * The three phases Rick went through for healing [12:17] * Sometimes we get caught into a downward spiral without realizing it: "I had to accept that where I was was not acceptable for me." Rick Sharpe* Understanding how did I got here and accepting responsibility for you life.* Take action. * Embarking on the life-long journey of "presenting a better version of myself tomorrow than today". [15:20] * The importance of being kind to our-self. * The difference between self-love and self-complacency. [19:10] * Especially in depression for example, some days there is no will to get out of bed, and we need to allow what is happening and feel into it without adding guilt or shame. And some times, it is just an excuse for not doing what would be best for ourselves, but feels difficult.* "It was a cycle of getting to the rim of the hole you were in and not quite getting out of it. It was a conscious decision I had to make (... that ...) I had to do something." Rick Sharpe* Having people around you who can see what is going on can help to get out of the tunnel vision we get caught into. * What speaking out changes: Everything! [23:05] * We fear rejection when we talk about our struggles and choose vulnerability. Yet "The more you do it the easier it becomes. There is nobody who is going to come back at you saying that you are doing something that is not helpful for yourself." Rick Sharpe * "We are so good at hiding how we feel, and the torment." Rick Sharpe [26:03] * Sometimes we do so to keep people around us comfortable.* It is like we all are waiting for someone to understand us, but we cannot be understood unless we speak out. And the first who speaks, allows all the others to do so. * We have these expectations, ingrained by our society and our education, about what a man should be, and it makes it even more difficult for men to talk about emotions. [31:03] * "When we get into a relationship, because we've been pigeonholed in being that tough guy; we are the provider, and the mentor, and the guardian, and the protector,
March 21, 2019
Could going with the flow actually not be flowing at all?, with Claire Wild – Integrally Alive Podcast
Have you ever been in that space of trusting life so much, that you "go with the flow", or "are in the moment"? That you can follow whatever happens, and adapt to any circumstances, easily and effortlessly? Or is it something you aspire to, as it is so trendy these days in the self-assessed spiritual sphere? Listen to the article (11 minutes) On going with the flow, being in the moment, flowing, planning, respect, intention... Being in contact with the "spiritual" community for a while, I heard more than a few times this "I am going with the flow" statement. Usually associated with a pinch of "being in the moment, living in the present, letting go of control". Most times, the person was meaning some variation of: "I am living so totally in the moment that I cannot know what will be the best for me tomorrow, or even in two hours. So right now, I know I had said I would meet you, but as this moment have come, I realize that — this other thing — is more important in the now. So I am following the flow and trusting that even though maybe it doesn't seem like making sense, it is the way to go." What did this person really communicate? "I have a fear of missing out. I am afraid of committing 100% to anything, because it would mean that I say no to all the rest. And you never know what can show up between now and our eventual commitment, right?So, even if I am a lovely and caring person in general, I am not really wanting to take responsibility for my actions and will use a kind of spiritual bypass in just calling it "going with the flow".And that makes me not respecting your time and / or efforts." Apparently going effortlessly in the moment, when you zoom out and see a bigger picture, can look like going in any direction that presents itself in the moment, without necessarily having a clear direction. Can this be interesting? Actually yes, if you are a control freak, you might want to go to the other extreme and experience that even if you don't know everything that is going to happen, there will be a solution and everything will be fine. And this, you can know it, but you can only trust it is true after having experienced it. Traveling is one of the best and safest way to do that. There will always come a time when the plane / train / bus isn't on time, or like me in Istanbul boarding a bus "going to the airport", that leaves you one hour later nowhere near the airport; and then there will be your equivalent of this old man showing up, and miraculously understand one English world (Airport), walking you to there out of pure kindness, and refusing any kind of reward. One caveat though is then, if you choose to deliberately experience this kind of wandering, you should make it clear that you are not committing to anything, so that you can have the full experience and still respect others (and feel good about yourself, staying aligned with your "caring self"). Traveling through the river of life Lao Zu was giving the image of us being in the river of life, and moved by the current. And he was using this to show resistance, and trying to control things, as trying to go against the current: possible, yet really tiring. In the contrary, when we allow ourselves to go with the flow, life is much easier and we can spend our energy on things that are actually important. And of course the image is brilliant; I mean, come on, this is Lao Zu!  ;-) Floating or swimming? I would add that you can go with the flow in two main different modes though:
March 13, 2019
Living a life true to myself, with Sylvia Jagla (2) – Integrally Alive Podcast
After last week's episode where Sylvia shared her own story of resilience (I could even write this in plural!), in this episode she gives her view on resilience and especially on burnout, having personally been through two episodes of burnout. How can we balance work and rest, even when we are so passionate about what we do that it doesn't really feel like work? She gives practical tools to reconnect our body and our mind so they work together and we can show up as the best version of ourselves. "When you tend to get overwhelmed, take a step back, remember what is your why, and along the way, ask for help." Sylvia Jagla On resistance and resilience, burn-out, knowing your limits, respecting your body... In this episode, you will learn about: * Introduction to resilience [6:12] * Resilience is adaptation: go with the flow, with the ups and downs of life.* The play between resistance and resilience: letting go of inner resistance to embrace outer resistance. * How do you grow resilience? It starts with trust, especially for leaders. * The "I am enough" need for validation, that even the most "successful" people struggle with... And how it is just another story we are telling ourselves. "You are not your thoughts. They are coming from somewhere and going to nowhere." Sylvia Jagla [10:33]* As soon as we grab a thought, then it becomes something, that we can eventually grow into something bigger, and then it becomes our identity. [15:01] * Being fine with both ups and downs, and the influence of hormones on our emotions and actions. * When do you stop when you love what you do? (solopreneur, anyone? ;-) ) How to find balance when you are passionate about what you do, and it doesn't feel like working? Most of the times, exactly when you feel you can't stop, is the moment when you desperately need it![19:03] * "When you tend to get overwhelmed, take a step back, remember what is your why, and along the way, ask for help." Sylvia Jagla * There are millions of routines out there, whatever you do, pick something that works for you. And stay flexible to adapt to the present situation, body and mind. [26:04]* We forget so much to be kind to ourselves: We enter the cycle of failing to our expectations, beating ourselves for that, and feeling miserable for it, and therefore failing even more to our unrealistic expectations. [31:05] * Could we revise our expectations instead, and learn from the process? * What is burn-out? How to create awareness of when we are going into the direction of burn-out, so we don't have to crash; and instead stop before it's too late and avoid it. [33:46]* Working for and with women: Sylvia saw women "pushing so much for performance rather than trusting their potential". [40:04] * Her advice: "Own you power, go for whatever you want without any regrets, guilt, or excuses." Sylvia Jagla* And her wish: Creating support and cooperation rather than competition. Who is Sylvia Jagla? Sylvia is a free spirit woman who used her life story as fuel to build the life and business she loves. Her life today is full of traveling, connecting and supporting others. She is a leadership coach, and a women’s burnout & resilience mentor... Shes helps driven entrepreneurs and professionals who work remotely and kinda feel that they lost their way, to create their own "Having it all". Her motto: Trust the process while hacking your work-life-flow. Where can you find Sylvia Jagla? * https://sylviajagla.
February 20, 2019
Living a life true to myself, with Sylvia Jagla (1, the story) – Integrally Alive Podcast
We all know those moments, when you reached the bottom of your "going down spiral"? The "enough is enough!" reaction, that makes us do things we didn't think we could do. In this episode, we have a few examples of that, and we go in depth about how they help us evolve, and go from pushing through life, to creating your life. In next week's episode, Sylvia shares more about the work she's doing today, especially on burnout and resilience. Until the deepest down, when you just say: "OK, now it's enough! ". And you are done with fighting, and you just start to create. On crisis, pushing through and resilience, being weird, going down, and living a life true to yourself... In this episode, you will learn about: * The shifting moment for Sylvia: When she decided that life was happening for her instead of to her (which for her is the key to shifting from pushing through, to resilience). When we reach the "bottom" and find the rebound. [1:45]* Sylvia's challenges as a foreign child, and how she overcame being the weirdo & the perfect victim, from isolated to the coolest kid on the block. [4:54]* It is really easy the weird one. We admire people to show up in their weirdness, and at the same time, why are we then so afraid to be authentic. [9:53] * "I never could understand that we beat up people who are living up their truth, and living a life true to themselves, and not to others." Sylvia Jagla* "You never know where someone is coming from and what they are going through right now. Yet we all tend to judge people on appearance: No matter what you see, be aware that there is a whole different world behind this." Sylvia Jagla * When we are OK with our weirdness, we realize everyone is weird, in their own way. When you can own that, you can actually allow other people to own that for them too, and you meet at another level. It is much more vulnerable, but it is much more authentic, too.[14:38]* The beginning of being adult: Sylvia went to live on her own at the age of sixteen, studying and working on the weekends. And that was only the beginning of a lot of responsibilities for a young women. This time owning totally her "weirdness", and with the firm choice of NOT being a victim of her life. [15:00] * "I think I have been a free-spirit for ever; I think there was never ever a different version of myself." Sylvia Jagla * From getting into depression, while staying "functional" to still keep the flat and be responsible for her brother... To pushing it away and celebrating, with a "happy-face". Isolation and loneliness are very different: "From all my friends, nobody could understand what's going on with me and at some point I couldn't understand myself." Sylvia Jagla [20:11]* The beginning of a deep healing: "I made the decision, that I go now for what I want in life. The deepest you push me, the highest I am gonna sky-rocket." Sylvia Jagla [25:00] * How she got her first job: without graduating, or any time to prepare in any way. Just the unshakable knowing that she needed this. The first step, to going towards the life she though was good for her.* "That was my personal realization, that no matter how stupid the situation seems, and how challenging the circumstances seem, focus on the solution and trust that it's gonna be all right." Sylvia Jagla * The power of the moments of crisis: transforming ourselves into someone we didn't even think we could be. They push us to align everything we are to go forward, because there is no turning back. [30:28] * "You have to make a decision and see the big picture for you, and this is going to allow you to create the resilience no matter how tough the time is." Sylvia Jagla * Finding resilience for yourself......
February 14, 2019
Supporting World changers, with Martyn Sibley – Integrally Alive Podcast
Are you a dreamer with an urge to make that dream a reality for the good of all? Are you a social entrepreneur struggling to get started? That's what this week's episode is about: People working for social good, with a mission and their aim is all about trying to make the world better. Sounds grandiose? Martyn shows us that it doesn't have to be, and explains the top struggles of world changers. If you didn't listen to the first episode with Martyn, you might want to do so: it's here. "World changers" is going to be a way of making a much bigger impact by empowering leaders. On changing the world, the danger of perfection, taking care of the gold goose, having a dream, and acting on it... In this episode, you will learn about: * What is a world changer? * Being a little bit better everyday, consistently, that builds up in something quite meaningful after all, but without all the pressure and grandiosity.* "A world changer is [ anyone ] working for social good. Their mission and their aim is all about trying to make the world better." [2:07] * Perfectionism is often what stops most people from starting: "When we want to do it so perfectly, that is definitely when we get paralyzed by the fear."[4:00]* The balance between supporting change on an individual level AND on a broader social level, and scaling our impact! [6:14] The top struggles of World changers: time, energy, money. * Being OK with earning money while working on social causes. [13:47]* Finding work / life balance when you self-entrepreneur and especially when you're passion driven, and working doesn't feel like working. [16:39]* The importance of taking care of yourself first: you're the golden goose. [19:23] * How to navigate the urge to save the world! You need passion and purpose, AND processes: keeping in mind our priorities can be difficult when you're a world changer, as everything is important and urgent. [20:33]* If I am going to found a social enterprise, should I found an NGO or a "for-profit" company? Money — or should I say, money-mindset — is definitely one of the biggest struggles of world changers! [23:04]* Martyn's number one advice for world changers: blocking the noise that is claiming your attention and is not supporting your goals, so you find calm and concentrate on what is important. Clarity, impact, and freedom will come naturally from that state. [28:02]* The process of creating the 6 weeks course "How to change the world", and what it is about. [29:37] Who is Martyn Sibley My guest today is just a regular guy... who happens to have a disability called Spinal Muscular Atrophy. This means he cannot walk, lift anything heavier than a book or shower himself.AND... he is a living proof of "everything is possible", which happens to be the tittle of his book. He co founded and runs his company Disability Horizons, has a Degree in Economics & a Masters in Marketing, has presented for the BBC. He is also a blogger, and a speaker to bring awareness on disability. He drives his own adapted car, and loves adventure travels; he has flown a plane, enjoyed skiing & SCUBA diving, flying in a balloon, and he's been on the moon. (OK, not on the moon yet; but I'm sure that by the next time he comes here, that will be done.) In 2018, he started a project for empowering "world changers". He now offers also a 6 weeks online course helping you getting started on this journey, helping you gaining clarity, impact, and freedom.
January 24, 2019
Finding community, The Evolve coliving (2, the creation), with Guillaume Perdrix – Integrally Alive podcast
Coliving is a fast-growing trend, and still new and evolving. In this episode, You will discover what is coliving, how and why it is growing worldwide. Did you ever wonder about the dynamic of individual growth and collective support and evolution? Or how to empower people to give... and receive? Why coliving is an answer to many human needs and how to enhance this experience? Then this is for you! You might want to listen to the first episode, where Guillaume and I talked a lot about resilience and human connection, and how he got to create Evolve coliving. It's all about empowering people ... How can we enhance each other's life? On living together, finding community, setting intentions, empowering individuals, intentional coliving... * What is coliving? Guillaume makes distinction between house-sharing, community, coliving... And defines intentional coliving. [1:21]* The intention behind Evolve coliving, the space Guillaume created in Bali, and how it shapes the way people live together there. [4:41]* How the group supports the individual and the individual pushes the group. Coliving is still new, and the space itself keeps evolving as Guillaume and his guests are experimenting new ways to live and evolve together. [11:36]* As the community is growing, how Guillaume is creating and supporting engagement: We are not gonna oblige people to come, we just give people a variety of options that they can attend and where they can connect to the people who are coming to this place. Events are a great way for people to explore themselves. The core value: To help each others on our personal values and our own intentions. [14:10]* Creating space for Do-o-cracy: It's all about empowering people ... How can we enhance each other's life? [20:01]* Guillaume's ingredients for a great coliving space (see recap below) [21:17]* What are people looking for in coliving? Community is the number one reason. Coliving also enhances your life, allowing for example to live in places you couldn't afford on your own, like amazing villas. But finding a community that gets you and supports you... that beats everything else. As human beings, we have basic needs, and coliving can be primarily aimed at one or another, depending on the main intention. [24:08]* Guillaume's vision for the evolution of Evolve coliving and coliving in general. How he is finding the balance between the number of people staying, and the length of their stay: and his solution for giving the possibility to "test" the experience out while maintaining the integrity of the community. [28:38]* Why do we need community so much right now? How and why coliving is becoming more and more global. And we could support this growth. [34:27] Who is Guillaume Perdrix Guillaume is on a mission to democratize co-living and turn it into a global movement. After running four co-living spaces, he decided to take it further and spread the awareness around co-living and empowering others to create their own spaces. He currently also hosts Evolve Co-Living, a communal co-living space dedicated to personal growth and transformation. Where can you find Guillaume Perdrix & Evolve coliving *** Guillaume's ingredients for creating a great coliving space It all starts and ends with the intention behind the space:
December 27, 2018
Finding community, The Evolve coliving (1, the story), with Guillaume Perdrix – Integrally Alive podcast
This is the first of two episodes with Guillaume. We ended up talking a lot about resilience. Guillaume also shared how he went on a quest of "hacking happiness" and living on purpose; to discover that what was at the root of everything else was a need for human connection... Which led him to creating Evolve Coliving: My main intention is to be around the people that I love. Love, people, connection, is the one thing that always holds me back to life, or keeps me moving forward." Stay tuned for the next episode, going deep on what is coliving, why is it getting so popular, and how it is changing the way we live together. (It is here :-) ) For now, let's listen to Guillaume's story On resilience, being comfortable enough, hacking happiness, human connection, coliving... * The starting point for Guillaume's passion for coliving: discovering community while traveling as a teenage. "I was missing the human connection." [01:44]* Resilience: a big yes! The difference between resilience and resistance.[07:26]* Guillaume's breakdown & wake up call in Paris:"The cool thing about this breakdown is: I see it as one of the lowest point in my life, but also the catalyst for everything that followed after it. If I wouldn't have gone through it, I would have remained comfortable enough. Before that I was miserable, but change would be harder than misery. At that moment I realized I needed to take responsibility for what had happened. I couldn't continue living, expecting that eventually I'll be happy. So it kicked off a big journey. And the journey that began then... Till today." This breakdown was the tipping-point for everything else, and especially wanting to tackle life. [08:36]* Guillaume's quest of "hacking happiness": Stating what you want, and don't want, in your life. [15:55]* My definition of resilience: Your power to stay connected to life... Even when shit happens. The feeling of being alive. [19:45]* How this quest for feeling alive & designing his life led Guillaume to experiment with different projects, like Life engineering, Life is a blast!... All leading up to Evolve coliving. [21:42]* The intention Guillaume set when going out in the world: community! I want freedom is bullshit. Freedom is a vacuum, just something you can fill with something meaningful. So what do you want to fill your freedom with? My main intention is to be around the people that I love. Love, people, connection, is the one thing that always holds me back to life, or keeps me moving forward. [27:02]* How randomness helps us evolve: doing new things, get out of your routine, makes you grow new capabilities. And gives you back a sens of who you are, because at that moment, you have to define it. You can't hide anymore. [30:54]* Negative versus positive emotions are a myth: Any emotion, depending on the situation, can serve you or limit you. [33:07]* "Grow" resilience: We all have resilience already, sometimes we need to grow it more. It is about going through the ups and downs, staying OK while adapting to these changes. [34:57] Who is Guillaume Perdrix Guillaume is on a mission to democratize co-living and turn it into a global movement. After running four co-living spaces, he decided to take it further and spread the awareness around co-living and empowering others to create their own spaces. He currently also hosts Evolve Co-Living, a communal co-living space dedicated to personal growth and transformation. Where can you find Guillaume Perdrix
December 20, 2018
Location independent lifestyle & creating a life of freedom, with Estela Kun, creator of the Freedom X Fest – Integrally Alive podcast
Estela has been living a location independent lifestyle for over fifteen years, and defining what freedom means for herself on the way. She shares how  her determination to stay curious like a child, to keep on asking questions, without worrying too much about the answers, keeps her on her tracks of defining the life she wants, and creating it. As more and more people are joining this way of living, there is still a lot to create, and it is up to each person to invent their own personal version. It can feel lonely sometimes, and events like Freedom X Fest are a great opportunity for inspiration and support. After being part of last summer's edition, I can definitely say that the intention was met, and this festival with its special twist is a great place to meet and/or stay in touch with this global family. On Freedom, being curious, creating your life, opening new possibilities for  living, working, and traveling... * Estela shares the intention behind the creation of Freedom X fest: talks and workshop, outdoors, in nature. Many of us are really eager to learn, network, be in the business environment, but equally we are as motivated to experience ourselves as human beings, come together, dance together, do mediation, yoga, and have a much more flexible environment. The importance of the environment, and how nature supports community. [1:16]* One of the biggest challenge of the location independent life: isolation. As the community is growing globally, events like Freedom X Fest are steps in creating a global network, family, where people are defining themselves not on location anymore, but on their value system. [4:45]* Being location independent is still a new trend. There is an amazing opportunity that comes with this new style of working, living and traveling around the planet, but it is also a great responsibility about what we do with it and how we use it. That's why events like Freedom X fest are so important, because that's how we can define these new terms and possibilities. [7:19]* How Estela came to live this lifestyle: "What else is possible?" How "just" knowing what I want from life and asking how I can get there makes all the difference. In this lifestyle, because it is new, we have to find new ways to do things, which is pretty exiting. One of the most important things is curiosity, and asking questions without the need to actually know the answer... That leads us on new path. Having a childlike curiosity: Children don't have a way how the world should be, they just explore, ask, try... If we can tap more into the sense of ourselves, we can unlearn some of the stuff that we don't need and be ourselves. [12:12]* So, what is freedom? Freedom is having the choice to be, to do: Asking "Is this really what I want?". Defining it, and then being open to ask again, and seeing this definition change, over time. Once we stop to live a life that we are supposed to live, like what society exposes on us, we can start to define ourselves from within and construct this reality outside of us. Freedom is also having the flexibility to chose a direction and go towards it, but being free to take detours, or even to see this direction changing... Knowing where you go, but having the flexibility to adapt yourself to live. [15:05]* Once you have freedom, a lifestyle where you can do whatever you want, what is it that you do? It's never about achieving anything, but about the journey, and the goal is constantly evolving. There is no framework (yet) to create this lifestyle, so we have to create these new ways of living. And each of us is creating the life s/he wants in his/he...
November 29, 2018
Inspired evolution and finding health through purpose, with Amrit Sandhu
Wow we laughed so much during this episode! Yes, listening to Amrit sharing how he struggled from depression for a few years, before discovering mindfulness and meditation and becoming a life & mindfulness coach... We laughed hard! Truth is, talking about depression, you can't help but talking about life, and it is so inspiring! I love this saying that Life is too tragic to be taken seriously… And Amrit is an embodiment of that. His energy is so contagious. A bit like penguins: At a first glance they seem so cute and silly you can't help liking them; And then you realize what it really takes to live their life in the ice, and you feel serious respect for what they do, as well. On compassion, inspiration, living on purpose, health, coming back from depression, meditation and mindfulness for everyone… And a lot of YEW! * Amrit's discovery of mindfulness and transformation from depression to life coach. Going from his first impression of: "Really??? I've been into depression for years, and what you're giving me is a five step breathing exercise?! I'm glad I've got the pills!"... To "Wow, this going euphorically up and then crashing down with these pills is not gonna work for me. Glad I have the mindfulness thing!" [1:49]* Just connecting to my breath and counting my breath, connected me to the being present in the here and now.* We can have depression without realizing for a long time, being hard on ourselves, thinking we're broken and that there is a problem with us. Sometimes the label helps, like for Amrit who finally felt like he wasn't alone and there was a solution. [7:45]* All the images that advertising shows us, doesn't help bringing our self-worth up... Being surrounded by these kind of messages, how can we not end up with anxiety or depression?! We are sold a box to fit in, and many people actually follow this track without questioning if that's what they want to do. "The biggest piece to the puzzle of your health is your purpose."* "Fit" and healthy are two different things: "You can't spend nine hours at a work you hate and then one hour at the gym and be healthy." Your happiness and your health are deeply connected to what it is you're doing and the way you are walking in the world.[11:20]* We need to celebrate the differences. "You're meant to be whatever it is that is naturally you, but meanwhile you're trying to be the guy that's got the Ferrari and the mansion. That's when dis-ease sets in, because it is not easy for you to be that guy." "I really want people to get back to their purpose, to what they are here to do, so they can experience vitality like never before." [14:22]* It's exhausting to try to be someone else. "I encourage people to get as crazy as possible: Embrace your craziness." [16:50]* Listen to Amrit's legendary signature YEW! ;-) [17:31]* We are so afraid to show who we are, yet when we do it, it is so liberating not only for ourselves, but for everyone around us. As we liberate ourselves from our fear, we liberating others from theirs. "Whatever you are doing, you are not doing it just for you." Why inviting more compassion into our life is so healing. [18:10]* When you experience depression, it's all about you. The moment you reverse that and for example help someone, it is so empowering. "The minute you start living a life of serving others, everything else for yourself falls into place." How Amrit began his coach practice with being the go-to person for his friends. The play of giving & receiving: the more you give the more you get back… How easy is it to receive then? [21:06]* Marianne Williamson's quote (see below): Why are we so afraid to be who we ar...
November 22, 2018
Radical curiosity in the face of the suicide of a loved one, with Jonny Miller – Integrally Alive podcast
Jonny is an entrepreuner who  co-founded Maptia, a living archive of inspiring and impactful stories from around the world (with breathtaking photos). He led the Escape the City Startup Tribes in London for 2016 . He is a podcaster at Curious Humans. He also crossed the English Channel on a stand up paddle-board raising money for a charity. And he lost his partner to suicide, as he openly shared on stage at the FreedomX festival where I met him last summer. You know me, as soon as I heard that, I wanted to invite him; I am so grateful that he said yes to share his story and thoughts. And even more now, as we had a raw, deep, conversation, which was only possible with Jonny's willingness to show up in a vulnerable and totally open way. This is one of these moments, where I know I'm exactly where I need to be, like hey, I might really be helping to break the silence and stigma around mental health and change things, one conversation at a time. I hope you guys will be touched as I was. Let me know in the comments: What was the thing that surprised you the most in our conversation? What idea of yours got challenged? On suicide, mental health, irrational logic, resilience versus being strong, radical curiosity, and this wonderful, exquisite, amazing experience that is life... * Suicide is often linked to depression, and the World Health Organisation states that by 2020 depression will be the second health issue worldwide. Yet the silence around it is still huge, and only makes the problem bigger!* [3:24] Every story is different, yet they all help to clarify this puzzle of mental health and suicide: Jonny's experience with his partner Sophie, struggling with bipolar disorder that eventually led her to suicide.* [10:02] "Although not professionally trained. A lot of the times, I was just there to kind of hold space for her." A lot of people battling with mental health have a hard time being heard and acknowledged. "Just" being there, open and willing to listen in a non-judgemental way is already a lot. This is the base for any support, and it needs to be there in the therapy, but also outside, in everyday life.* [12:12] Suicidal ideation is surprisingly common for people who even don't suffer from particularly intense depression. Mental heath issues are almost always related to self-worth. Sadly, it can even go to the point where someone feels like being a burden on other people. At some point, the rational mind is by-passed by emotions.* [14:57] In her head it was the most rational thing to do. This is maybe the most difficult thing with suicide: It appears and can be defended very logically, in a way that can be difficult to prove wrong... with logic. Because it is actually the result of an emotional state, leading to a narrowing down into a tunnel vision and the thought that there is only one option; where it is obviously the worst option ever, and there are always other options: It is just a matter of taking a step back and taking a different view on the situation. Addressing the feeling of disconnection, from yourself, and the wonder of the world, coming back to the a sense of curiosity, is a key to change the emotional state, and a more powerful way to react to this decision than using logic and rational thoughts.* [23:14] Facing mental health, it is essential to get help, not only for the person struggling directly, also for those who care for her/him. "It's really scary to see someone you love so dearly not being themselves, and being in this state where they almost have no control on how they feel, you certainly have no control on how they feel, and you feel really powerless, and you feel really helpless."* [26:02] Suicide ny nature is violent, unexpected, suden. It is a shock,
October 25, 2018
Love Out Loud, with Nicole Gibson – Integrally Alive podcast
A very dense conversation today with Nicole Gibson! Nicole is an international Speaker and listed in the Financial Review’s Top 100 Most Influential Women.At 21 she was appointed the Australia’s Commissioner for Mental Health,and now she dedicates her time uniting communities, shifting corporate culture, and empowering individuals.She gives a language to the deeper things we feel as a collective and isfighting to unite humanity through understanding, love and empowerment. This young lady is an embodiment of love, an unstoppable messenger of love and human potential. She is a fierce ambassador for mental health, innovation and connection after recovering from her own experience with anorexia nervosa through her teenage years. In her own words: "Mental health is said to be the worlds leading health epidemic by 2020, and suicide is the leading killer in Australia.It’s more obvious than ever that our current approach to mental health is too rigid, and denies people space to account for their own unique quirks and uniqueness." About mental health, depression, isolation, rite of passage, acknowledgement, and more than anything, love. * [3:00] About the workshops Nicole facilitates: Rite of passage is about understanding that there's gonna be a perfect time and a space for someone to have a breakthrough, and maybe it's actually not about getting a breakthrough for every single person. Through flow and in that space some people will have a breakthrough. And we are all connected; so if you can have one person to have that breakthrough, what happens then is everyone sees himself in that person, and may simultaneously have that breakthrough as well. There is power in a community of people. By one person being vulnerable, it activates vulnerability in all the other persons. Vulnerability is: It is just being honest and speak to whatever you're feeling in that moment.* [6:15] Bridging the gap between traditional and modern societies, to find again the sense of who we are in the community, and know how to behave, find identity & belonging. We are interdependent. We can learn so much from each other and honor that each other's humanity has something to bring to the group. "In a world that put so much significance on individuality, there's actually so much conformity." The people who are "celebritized" are the most ok with speaking their truth, and they are the most unapologetic about who they are. But we are never gonna get to that level by copying them, we've got to find our own equivalent to that.* [9:30] "If 50% of the west is struggling with mental health, that's not biological. To me that just screams there is something going on with our culture and there's something that's actually hurting us on an emotional level. And it makes sense, right? If you're exposed to the level of stress and the level of anxiety (...), unless you feel a sense of anxiety, I would actually argue that you are desensitized."* [11:00] Awareness campaigns are a good start, yet just knowing that it is a problem doesn't give us solutions. When "you can be with someone in their vulnerability, then your friend saying he's suicidal or in a lot of pain, is not gonna make you retract. You can actually be with them in that, and that is the best community intervention that we can have. It doesn't mean you have to be a qualified therapist or a professional, but to not be afraid, to not let the fear of the situation actually rule, and to be present with people in that."* [12:33] How to break the cycle of feeling pain, feeling isolated, shame? "You're qualified [to help] just because you're a human being. But often you've spend so long rejecting and avoiding your own vulnerability, that you haven't shown yourself just how powerful you can be in someone else's own journey.
October 09, 2018
Everything is possible, with Martyn Sibley – Integrally Alive Podcast
Martyn Sibley is a regular guy who happens to have a disability called Spinal Muscular Atrophy. This means he cannot walk, lift anything heavier than a book or shower himself. He has experienced both societal exclusion and a feeling of inferiority. Through personal development and social entrepreneurship, he has achieved many of his personal and professional goals:He co founded and runs his company Disability Horizons, published a book: 'Everything is Possible', has a Degree in Economics & a Masters in Marketing, has presented for the BBC.He is also a blogger, and a speaker to bring awareness on disability. He drives his own adapted car, and loves adventure travels; he has flown a plane, enjoyed skiing & SCUBA diving, flying in a balloon, and I wouldn't be surprised to learn he's gone to Mars one day. There doesn't seem to be a limit to what he can do, and he really lives up to the title of his book: "everything is possible". And most of all, he has one of the most genuine smiles I've ever come across. And I know it can sound cheesy, but really, it struck me as something special about him: when we were in Tallinn for a few weeks at Mindvalley university, every single time I saw him, not only was he smiling, but just looking at him, I could feel this joy of being alive. On living in a world without barriers, prejudice or discrimination; about joy, living purposefully, speaking out taboos... * [2:16] Titles like "word changer" automatically sounds grandiose, yet Martyn really is one: He shares what was his inspiration and journey to get there. How he had to balance dreaming big, and facing the challenges of the daily life. How his disability naturally led him to develop an entrepreneur mindset: Martyn had to manage a team of carer, from the day he went to university.* [5:32] When he decided to travel, he wanted to hit the big challenge first. He went to pretty much the other side of the world: Australia as a first trip. And again this trip (and the many others that followed) had to be prepared like a project, with his team. This lead to the idea of founding a website like Airbnb for disabled people, which was sold to Airbnb last year... From a personal need to sharing with the community.* [10:00] "In the end, if you stick to it and you find a way, everything is possible." When we change the questions: From "can I do that?" to "How can I do that?". Setting an intention is the key:"When ideas tickle at you and keep tickling, you have to do it."* [13:17] When our situation is not in the norm, we face the challenge of being defined by our circumstance & situation. "Having a disability feels like an eternal venture of educating people. Many people who haven’t come into contact with disability, have rather strange preconceptions of what my life is like." Martyn resisted working in the disability area; it sounded like a cliche, and he didn't want to be totally defined by being disabled. Then he realized: "It's my strength or superpower. My message to the world is made through that journey, and why would I want to hold that back from people?"* [20:08] Being able to talk about everything without taboo makes it possible to find solutions. "I definitely still have abundance blocks, because I never thought when I was growing up I would be able to do certain things, because of the way the media and society generally talk about disability.""There's a lot of interesting dynamic around the topics of taboo, both from what the community needs or say, what the media say, and even what I kind of know I should be saying but I'm a little scared to say myself." Openness, even clumsy (any drunken honesty episode coming to mind, anyone?), is always preferable to silence and awkwardness: "The minute someone asks a question, or says something that is kind of incorrect, then you've got the possibility to educate, with kindness and love.
October 02, 2018
Expressing your authentic self, with Monique DeBose – Integrally Alive Podcast
Monique DeBose is an award winning singer-songwriter and playwright. She has performed across the globe and recently for Quincy Jones. Monique has released two albums to great critical acclaim and is releasing her third, the Sovereign One on September 27, 2018. She has a deliciously non non-linear curriculum: Bachelor’s in Applied Mathematics, holds a master's degree in Spiritual Psychology, and trained at The Groundlings Comedy Theater. She is also a mom, raising two conscious, loving boys. Yet she didn't sing in public until she was 18 years old and, in her own words, was terrified. And today she coaches people to Unleash their Authentic Voice. She supports individuals and organizations to gain clarity in who they are and what they are here to do. Monique supports people to use their 'small voice' to find and express their 'BIG voice' out in the world. On authentic expression, creating on stage and in life, being seen... * [1:35] How did Monique go from shy to this radiant self-assured woman... The importance of finding your path and being sovereign of your life: being seen, and exploring the entire range of the human emotions. There is beauty and power in being a "Jack of all trade", exploring life in a non-linear way, and it might even lead to build bridges where others see walls, like between music & art, and mathematics. * [6:04] The shift to become a full time professional performer. Why do we have such a hard time stepping into our power and creating the life we want? "Most people are not conscious they have power inside themselves." * [12:00] About insecurity when we leap into the unknown: "There was something inside of me that was so hungry for actually feeling expressed, actually following what was whispering in my hears. And to me this has been so much more fulfilling than having a paycheck and a false sense of security." Most of us go around like ghosts, without ever questioning ourselves: "What do I actually need, to feel secure and happy?" * [13:30] What were some resistances you had to overcome? "I am on a journey of: What's great and unique and amazing about you?" "I would be blown out of the game, and destroyed, if I stay in the comparison world." "Comparing myself is a loosing game." "Part of the journey have also be to be with the insecurity." Sometimes the doubts and fears are showing the importance of what's happening. * [16:50] Whatever we do in life, we are creators, and need to express our authentic deep truth: "We create so that we can take ourselves to the very next step. So I'm very curious to see what's on the other side." "Fears run us when we don't give them an outlet." "When you spend the time and are respectful to acknowledge what is actually present, that's really all it needs, usually. Or that's a huge piece of it to not let it become something that takes over your entire experience." * [21:30] Expression of ourselves show up in our health too! Monique share her experience of healing her tumor through creating her shows. And how she dealt with expressing her truth, while respecting her family: "For your own health, you cannot be worried about what other people are going to experience. If it is in integrity and in service to what the essence of this project is, you have to share it." Once it becomes bigger than you, than your family... There is no way to suppress the expression anymore. * [28:20] Monique's art is definitely a growth experience: "Everybody is looking for connection." Her workshops let "people coming in feeling safe to experience, and then what they experience is somebody who is very willing to be so vulnerable, and put all the cards on the table. And then, somebody who can hold the space to really facilitate others doing the same right there in the moment." * [32:58] "I am so much greater and have so much more capacity than I'll ever t...
September 27, 2018
Healing, and growing beyond personal development, with Tahlia Reynolds – Integrally Alive podcast
Tahlia is passionate about all things personal growth, discovery, mastery & transformation. She is trained in EFT, a qualified Reiki practitioner, a transformational life coach, and a serial entrepreneur. Right now she is Head of Online Communities at Mindvalley - The Personal Development Company. She spent years “bettering” herself and going inward to get the source of her trauma and rage. On trauma, how to heal it, personal / spiritual development and their trap, spiritual bypassing and how to become bigger than you think you are. Disclaimer: In the second part of the interview, Tahlia sometimes uses the word "trauma" in ways that I wouldn't. My main disagreement point being that trauma is more specific than "a difficult experience to go through". Nevertheless, her story is really powerful and will without a doubt inspire many! * 1:05 What trauma and rage are we talking about? Thalia's experience of sexual abuse, the feeling of not being able to do anything about it, the denial, and the 14 years of silence that followed. * 5:10 Going into personal and spiritual development as a way to heal, after feeling supported by "something" bigger than her while sitting in the courtroom for the abuse, 14 years later. * 9:52 Falling in the trap of "band aid" spirituality / personal development, with the practice of "fake" forgiveness and gratitude ("I fell into the trap of just saying that I forgive, and writing a letter and meditating on it."), while actually suppressing the pain and numbing herself. * 11:48 Why doing these practices only, doesn't work: why do we get get stuck over and over in the same patterns of behaviors, when we "work" so much on healing? How to become Integrally ‪alive again, working with mind AND body, and differentiating between pain and suffering... Every day! * 15:00 The spiritual development disease, and the problem with spiritual bypassing. Are you growing, or stagnating, or even going backwards? Are you addicted to spiritual development? * 17:13 The shifting point for Tahlia: when feeling stuck was not possible anymore. Finding new ways to "personal development". * 20:06 Now she was able to face her trauma: "I got present to the consequences of actually not being present in my life. (...) That whole bypassing and all these rules and techniques, everything that I thought I needed to do to be healed; All of that got in the way of me truly connecting with other people. (...) I had been checked out of life since I was a little girl." * 22:55 True forgiveness begins with yourself, but why do we avoid so hard taking responsibility for your story? The two things that motivates us to action. * 25:25 How Tahlia "trapped" anger in her body. Why suppressing our emotions is making us sick. And why you should stop to consider there are positive and negative emotions, and common misconceptions about anger. * 30:00 How to healthily live with your emotions. And the simple "healthy aggression" technique to express your anger in an healthy way. * 36:05 The latest shift, from doing to being: taking a break, learning to accept help of others. How allowing yourself to be seen, and growing into the person you don't see you can be. * 44:39 Letting others create her new self, and stepping into her power... Through self-sabotage. How Tahlia projected herself into the person she could be, and finally filmed her cover letter to apply to Mindvalley. * 51:47 Overcoming the loving voice of self-sabotage, again and again... Dying to herself, to be her bigger self. * 55:55 How did Tahlia's saboteur got so strong? And how she now deals with it without giving it any power anymore. Where can you find Tahlia: * While she's building her website, you can connect to Tahlia within the Integrally Alive communities on Facebook:
August 24, 2018
I am not my thoughts, vibrant life on the other side of suicidal thoughts, with Sydney Lander – Integrally Alive podcast
Sydney works at Mindvalley, the well-known online university. She's also an artist at Asterphire. And she is passionate about exploring the link between emotions and thoughts and understanding their nature, so we can use them as a system, rather than being controlled by them. Today she takes us into her powerful personal story of childhood depression and suicidal thoughts, and how she overcame it to become the vibrant young lady she is now. In this conversation we bust a few myths: * children cannot be depressed, and / or have suicidal thoughts. * If (s)he was depressed, (s)he would tell / we would see it: the happy face paradox! * having depression is a sign of weakness. Turns out, all of these points are wrong! Busting a few myths about depression and suicide; and Sidney's way of overcoming them * 01:15 How did Sidney childhood depression and suicidal thoughts begin and develop... While being a really happy child! * 04:00 In her teens:how the scholar system encouraged chasing for perfection... * 07:19 ... eventually leading her to exhaustion and negative self-talk : "I would end that day, and I just felt like I have more and more things on my plate. (...) I want to do things with my life, I want my life to be fun and interesting (...), I want to be able to contribute to the world in some way. And I felt like that would be impossible to me: (...) I'd be sitting in class and my teachers would look at us and say, like, why can't you guys even just do homework, you know, life isn't always going to be this easy. Right now you're in school one day, you're going to have to be in the real world." * 08:45 The silence, why she didn't ask for help: "I didn't tell people because I didn't see it as a problem: I thought of it as my feelings as a person, as my personality and my character. (...) This is something that I should be able to handle, because everyone goes through school, everyone graduated, when I have a problem with it. If I tell any one, they're going to realize I'm broken. (...) I felt as if everyone around me was able to handle life (...), and I'm the only one who doesn't. So I can't tell them. I've got to just get it together. I need to be able to organize my time better, I need strategy, and stop being such a complainer." The sadly common behavior of feeling you are the only one to struggle. * 10:50 The "what's wrong with me" syndrome: "I shouldn't have any problems. Because I'm going to this prestigious school. I've good parents. I've a good family environment. Therefore, everything should be good. And I'm somehow not good. Like, what's up with that? And like, the voice of like, What is wrong with you? Why are you feeling this is ridiculous." When the negative self-talk becomes a voice in your head, increasing the shame and blame spiral: "Stop being such a child. (...) It got to a point where I even wouldn't sleep on my bed. I'd see my bed, I just hear this in my head, say:"Oh, no, no, you don't deserve it. You don't get to rest until you finish what you're supposed to finish. And so I would lie on the floor. And that voice just keep going over and over in my head. Like, what is wrong with you? Why can't you do anything?" And feeling more and more separated and empty: "I just felt like the facade I was showing people that was okay. And then I felt almost like oh my God, when this thing finally cracks... I can't let it crack. Because if it did, everyone's gonna see that there's nothing under there." * 12:35 Keeping a "happy" face: Why so many people struggle in silence with depression, and no one around can see that something is wrong... While the situation is getting worse and worse: "I remember I was essentially crying every day at that point. And I didn't even question it. Because it had just slowly developed over the course of many years.
August 13, 2018
Don’t fit in the box… Hack the box, with Naretha Hopson – Integrally Alive podcast
Fear of rejection is among the biggest and most common fear we human beings have. It takes many faces, but usually, as a result, we try our best to fit in the box we are presented... Well Naretha Hopson says, Hack the box! She helps especially young people to own the impression they give, out of self-love and from authenticity, rather than a desperate need to belong: "I noticed I saw the void in my experience, and I knew how beneficial and helpful it would have been for me to know just those unspoken rules to have that little bit of extra information to make a difference." Naretha is a speaker, and the founder and executive director of the Ever-Appropriate Etiquette Institute, a character and leadership development organization. She leads workshop to refine soft skills like dining etiquette or business etiquette and impression management, the art of networking and branding programming for youth and professionals.What she offers though is much more than just an etiquette class. The core for teachings is all about mindset and especially self confidence. Shownotes * 01:00 How did Naretha come to decoding the rules of etiquette?* 04:00 "We don't know what we don't know". There is an unspoken language, for example in business. And if you don't know the code, it can ruin all of your efforts. it is so unfortunate that, especially students, would do everything they could to do to be successful in school: you stay up all night study for the test, get good grades, do everything and then you show up to the interview in jeans or something that's not appropriate for that industry and then all of a sudden you're out of the running.* 05:00 Image in some cases equates to opportunities, it leads to get your foot through the door. Naretha's work today, educating high school and college young professionals millennial, and in the corporate arena.* 06:10 I saw the void in my experience, and I knew how beneficial and helpful it would have been for me to know just those unspoken rules to have that little bit of extra information to make a difference.* 07:05 Am I going to loose my soul if I conform to he etiquette? It's just the door, that opens possibility. Just know the rules, know the expectation. You can do everything within authenticity. If if you need to do a certain game, to get your foot in the door, kind of do what you need to do to get there. Because then if you don't like the rule, you get in a position of power. So you can then change.* 09:20 You don't have to lose yourself in the process. The tagline to Ever-apropriate is: "where your personality shines, we add polish". It is about adding those little extra touches to your personality, and that is what people actually connect with and relate to.* 10:00 Etiquette means ticket: You're able to walk through doors with your ticket that otherwise we would not be able to walk through. Albert Einstein: "You have to learn the rules of the game and play better than anyone else".* 13:00 Impression management? "Your personal brand is what people say about you when you leave the room.", says Jeff Bezos (founder of Amazon). So what is it that is that about you when you leave the room? You never know where and when the opportunity comes to you. Especially young folks are often not aware of the impression they give to others.* 16:50 Feeling inadequate, and how knowing conventions helps build self-confidence.* 20:00 Be yourself? Yes, be the best version of yourself; Be who you need to be to attain your goals and dreams. How Naretha starting her business later than she could have, overcoming her low self-esteem, and fear of public speaking.* 23:00 Listening to our greater purpose, we can step into a better self. Getting into these rules and making them your own, also gives a greater sense of who you are.* 23:40 Mindfulness is a big key,
August 03, 2018
Looking inward and changing yourself first, with Kim McDonnel – Integrally Alive podcast
Kim McDonnel is a holistic Health Coach and Spiritual Counselor, author of the book, “You Change, They Change: How to Take Control of Your Life by Losing Control Over Others”.   In today's episode, Kim shares her own journey, healing her inner "sensitive child", and multiple sclerosis, and the wisdom gained on the way: how the chemicals in our body influence our thoughts, toxic thoughts, resilience, why we need to express our emotions, and how to do it in a healthy way, tips to getting back into balance, and stopping to wait for others to change in order to move forward in your life... Shownotes * 1:16 Kim's journey: from being labeled "sensitive child" and trying to fit in, developing multiple sclerosis, to healing her inner child, and coming back to health. * 3:10 Understanding who you are and how it manifests in the world: "suppressing how you feel to make someone else feel good is really manipulation". How she dropped a people-pleaser mentality and healed her relationships. * 5:35 Nothing is permanent: sickness is a state, it can be changed. Shifting your biology: toxic hormones, toxic thoughts. * 9:00 Choosing to respond instead of react. Feeling the emotions and thoughts, and NOT acting on it. Taking the opportunity to grow: post-traumatic growth. * 10:55 This happens to EVERYBODY. We all have this chemicals in our bodies! * 12:00 Helping children to express their emotions in a healthy way: the angry pillow, counting down. * 14:20 From toxic thoughts to toxic chaos. How to recognize when you fall out of balance and tools to get back. * 18:35 Victim state: How we can delay the healing by identifying ourselves with the problem. * 19:45 "You change, they change": realizing that being toxic to ourselves has a negative impact on others around us. * 21:25 Resilience is a muscle, on using questions to heal. * 23:15 Staying in a state of love and above, addressing how I feel, and the physical reasons behind it."If you're in your head and thinking and over-thinking, that's a clue that you're not in balance." * 24:20 Tools for getting back in balance: Journaling as a way to express those thoughts and emotions. Writing to expose the deep thoughts to the conscious you; seeing the fear and changing it into an excitement for change. * 27:00 Tools number 2: gratitude list to go back to when everything seems hopeless. * 28:15 Tools number 3: meditation & breath. * 30:35 Tapping into your inner wisdom: you have the answers! How claiming your responsibility over your life helps you finding your power back. * 32:10 Rewriting your story, and stop blaming others for your situation. Looking inward and changing yourself. What lenses are you looking through? Connecting the dots after the experience. * 36:50 Keys to healing: acknowledgment, expressing, and remembering that it is an on-going journey. And it gets easier! With awareness, you won't find yourself suddenly overwhelmed by the situation. Find Kim on: * * * Her book "you change they change"  
July 27, 2018
Becoming an artist of life with Santiago Rafael – Integrally Alive podcast
The first thing you notice when you meet Santiago, is his vibrant smile, and his joyful presence. He is a life coach, and founder of LAFAM, a movement spreading the art of being an artist of life. Yet a few years ago, his life was very different. He had severe arthritis,living in constant pain. He developed depression, and multiple addictions. In the podcast he shares his journey of transformation to becoming the vibrant artist of life he  is today. Thank you Santiago for this vulnerable sharing, on the up and downs of this journey until the foundation of L.A.F.A.M. (Lifestyle Artist Formation). Thanks for remind us that we are all a work in progress; that each step we take opens new possibilities that we just couldn't see before, and asks us to show up to the world in all our beauty. Key Points From This Episode:  * On transforming your limits into a creative challenge: Discovering and falling in love with hip-hop dancing. The first sparkle that ignited this transformational journey. [5:00] * When old system of coping become limitations... How he began to overcame addictions. [10:30] * Discovering up to a new world, beyond the pain. Each step leading to more opening. [12:33] * Shifting from victim, to helper! [13:20] * What he wished he knew to heal earlier: The advice to the younger Santiago [15:48] * The ups and down on the journey, and the difficulty of your environment accepting who you are becoming [17:27] * The "last" push, developing healthy relationships, and finally finding his place [25:00] * Knowing your past to create your future and foster resilience. [26:25] * "The moment you most need forgiveness, is when you forgot who you are" (Rhea Lalla) [29:00] * Creating his healthy soul family: LAFAM - Lifestyle Artist Formation Associated in Manifestation [30:15] * Declare yourself as an artist of life! Another resilience tool ;-) [32:14]
July 08, 2018