The Imperfect Pod

Porn is such an uncomfortable conversation with so many people for so many reasons. Some of those reasons include: shame of performance anxiety; shame about sex or past sexual experiences; meeting the standards we believe society had set; penis size; shame of an addiction; fear of judgement; and much much more.

But is porn all that bad? Can we take anything away from actors who have lived that life? Can you have sexual intimacy in a relationship while being a porn star as your profession? Do porn stars think that everyone should be watching porn?

This episode is a mix of questions I was curious about asking Erik, as well as some very critical questions and perspectives around this being a job, sexual mastery, and porn as being a negative influence on young men. This had always been a conversation I’ve wanted to have since starting the podcast. I think sex and porn really do have a much larger impact on manhood and masculinity and sexual performance than we think.

This week's episode is all about the dating world. When it comes to dating, the world seems to be very confused. With access to all the dating apps - all being used for seemingly different purposes - it can be hard to understand everyone's intentions. The age of marriage seems like it has risen substantially. People want to focus on their careers while they are young. Hook up culture has made the dating scene more about "fun" but also leads to a generation that seems to not be able to communicate their true intentions. As feminism continues to grow and women are focused on their careers, who pays for the first date? Do "Nice Guys" really finish last? What does the term friendzone mean? Jordan and I talk about all these things and how young men navigate these spaces. I really hope you enjoy!

Timothy is a photographer, writer, business consultant, and a lover of living life. He founded The Man Effect out of a desire to find answers for what it means to be a man, this sent him literally around the world. This journey has not stopped and he continues to press on and create a conversation around what does it mean to be a man.

Why is empathy so important in the discussion of masculinity? For one, it's important to understand but also interpret back another person's feelings. But it also allows you to walk in their shoes and understand how they feel. For Jason, Empathy is at the core of the work he does with Jubilee Media as the CEO. Jubilee is a digital media company that believes in the power of empathy for human good. With over 5 million subscribers, Jubilee is creating a global movement. Some of the topics we discuss on this week's episode include why Jubilee discusses the topic of masculinity so much, the importance of empathy in the masculine journey, how we've created unhealthy systems of manhood and dating, and the grey area in conversations about consent. They are one of the inspirations behind me starting this podcast in the first place, and they've done many many many videos talking about masculinity which I have linked bellow.

What is it like to be raised in foster care and how does that affect a young person's confidence? What is the difference between a good and bad foster care home? How do alcohol and pill addictions affect your life? And how can the military save you, shape you, but also hurt you? These are all themes that Roman and I discuss on this week's episode.

As a man who had been through foster care, the military, and had an affair on his wife, Roman's story fascinated me when he reached out, and I thank him so much for his authenticity and transparency of his story. I really enjoyed this conversation with Roman Roberts and how he lives by the words of his wife “you can’t have a testimony without a test”. And I’m so thankful that Roman reached out to me and shared his test!

This past week I've been more angry than I can remember. With everything going on regarding Black Lives Matter, it was an emotionally exhausting week. But I must remember that, as a white man, four days of anger is nothing compared to those in my life that have felt this anger their entire lives. This episode is a reflection on the past week, what's been going through my mind, how we can continue the conversation, this podcast's role in that conversation and more. It's also a conversation about how white men need to be allies, how I've worked in my life to fix racist thoughts when I have them, and why it's not okay for white people to tell black people how to protest.

Drinking and alcohol intake can often be seen as a taboo topic. Binge drinking, over indulgence, and debauchery are typically what we think is "too much". But what if you're just having casual drinks everyday? Is that such a bad thing? For Andrew, it's not that it was bad, but he realized that it wasn't serving him. There are many reasons he quit alcohol: Health and well being, realizing it wasn't pushing him towards his goals, but the large picture was that he realized that his kids were watching his every move. As such, he decided to quite once and for all.

For Andrew, it wasn't really a long process. He read a book and within a few days and made the decision to stop drinking. There were awkward moments along the way including fear of judgement from his friends, being in a sales culture where that behaviour can be encouraged, and even growing up in Milwaukee culture which is heavily influenced by the beer industry. But he decided to stick with his guns and document his journey of quitting alcohol.

In our conversation we talk about his grandfathers impact on his life, why he chose to quit alcohol, fatherhood, what leadership is, and how anyone can take active steps to take a step beyond their vice.

About Andrew:

In a little over a decade Andrew Metz has risen from an entry level lead generation position to vice president, overseeing all new business generation and a team of 30 at a SaaS based InsureTech company in Milwaukee, WI.  Andrew’s tremendous hard work, desire for continuous learning and improvement, generosity and humility have earned him recognition as a catalyst for growth within his organization. Metz invests in the people around him and inspires and encourages them to attain their own personal bests. His willingness to share the early lessons of his business career and personal mistakes make him a remarkable public speaker.  His abilities have resulted in regular speaking requests from UWM’s Lubar School of Business, Marquette University’s School of Communication and local high schools. His generosity and accomplishments post-graduation from UW-Milwaukee has earned him “Graduate of the Last Decade” award from his alma mater.  Metz is active on LinkedIn always sharing personal and business lessons through humor and entertaining story telling.

Understanding who we are is something that we all struggle with. But does it have to be? How do we start? For myself, I've always understood that asking questions is the key to unlocking who we are. But how do you ask the RIGHT questions? And that's what fascinated me so much about Brian. 

On this podcast, you will hear about making mistakes, human psychology, and how you become the person you are!

Brian Morgan is the President of Think Deeply, Write Clearly, a writing training organization that focuses on improving corporate reports and communications, as well as marketing and content deliverables. But on a personal level, Brian is a great question asker. So on this episode, we kind of take a different approach where Brian flips a lot of questions around on me and I'm able to share a bit more about my life and perspectives!

What is it like to be a woman in the military? Is the culture of the military changing and becoming more accepting of female leadership? How is the importance of have male allies in supporting women? How much more did she have to prove herself and her toughness while being deployed? These  are all topics that discuss on this week's episode.

I am extra excited because Amanda is my first female guest! Yes, I know. Masculinity and manhood is not ONLY a men's discussion. Women can talk about it for hours and have deep insights into it. Especially working in a male dominated industry like the military and the importance of loving fathers in their lives, which we also talk about!

Why is it that body building can get such a bad wrap? Is it healthy to come at fitness from an angle of insecurity? How can you get over your daily battle with food and the struggles that come with it? Can therapy be good for your business, not just your personal life? What do you do if you don't feel like you fit in? These are all questions and topics we discuss on this week's episode of (im)perfect!

These week's guest is Adam Pecoraro. Adam is a fitness coach who helps people loss weight and fat and build strength and health! He’s also doing some amazing things with at home workouts right now.  He has a podcast himself called “The Fittest Guy in the Office” so if that’s something that interests you, feel free to check him out on all streaming platforms.

How do you run a business with your wife and stay in a healthy relationship? How do you recover from a mid-life crisis? Why is it important to know the kind of woman you're looking for? What can entrepreneurs do to feel less trapped by the product and business they create? And how can men show up in their marriages and families more actively? All these topics will be discussed on this week's episode with Armando Cruz.

Armando is a husband, father, adventurer, author,ultra-marathoner, lifestyle physical therapist, and legacy coach. Armando helps growth-minded, married men live happier, more connected, and more fulfilled lives. He does this with his immersive coaching program that helps men show up powerfully in their marriage, in their health, in their business,and in their purpose. Armando's unique approach helps strip away the clutter both internally and externally that is stopping men from showing up daily as the greatest and grandest version of who they are for themselves, their family, and their legacy.  Armando has climbed mountains, run over 50 miles in a day (I haven't even ran 50 miles in my life) in swamps filled with snakes and alligators, has lived out of his car, and has surfed in hurricanes, but his biggest adventure has been fatherhood. He is the creator of the Cleanse & Renewal Program, the Modern Man Virtual Summit, and the R.I.C.H. Man Experience. He is the co-owner of Cruz Country Fitness & Physical Therapy with his wife, Christian.

If you enjoyed this episode, please let me know by reaching out on LinkedIn at Luke West, on IG @theimperfectpod, or leave a review on iTunes!

Armando can be contacted through emailor online at:

Email: acruz@cruzcountry.com

How can men find their purpose in life? How can we discover our identity? At heaven's gate, will we recognize the man we are supposed to become? This episode is all about dreaming about the man you are trying to become and how we can build our legacy everyday.

Clay Smeltzer is a man who owns himself, loves his story, and lives with purpose.  He does this as a Man, husband, father, teacher, baseball coach, author, speaker, and with his company Purpose Infused Coaching.  Clay has lived a pretty normal life nothing fancy and nothing too out of the ordinary.  He followed what he was supposed to follow, did what he was supposed to do but at the age of 35 sat on a couch next to his wife having a panic attack over a TV show.  With everything going great around him he still felt lost, floating, ashamed, and not where he expected himself to be in life at 35.  There were two roads derived in the woods and he chose the one less traveled by and that has made all the difference.

During this time, it is hard to feel hope. Even pre-COVID it was hard. For young men, we can really feel lost as we navigate life. Why might this be? Jason's theory? One key aspect of it is the idea of having a verbal right of passage. A real life declaration that "you are a man". In his religion, that means a type of Father's Blessing. When this happens is really important. It is has roots in tribal cultures but it all comes around from being told that you are ready for the world. And I think that's really important for men to hear. To know that we are ready. To have the trust that we are ready. Otherwise, we feel lost throughout our entire lives. I really hope you enjoy this conversation with Jason.

Jason is the owner of SHFT Marketing, a brand and marketing consultation firm that helps small and growing businesses generate leads and increase revenue with custom marketing strategies. He also runs Ignite, a nonprofit geared to helping youth and young adults find their identity and live out their calling both in the U.S. and in Europe. He is a dog dad to a rescue pitbull, an avid lover of coffee, and Superman in disguise.

In this week's episode we have Marques Ogden. Marques is an Ex-NFL player, husband, father of two daughters, and a keynote speaker.  In this episode, we talk a lot about his childhood and how he was raised by a single father and how that shaped his life. We also discuss the habit and values that are important for young men to succeed, the mental strength you need to survive the NFL, the importance of communication in relationships and marriage, and how he has grown as a father.

At the age 27, Marques also founded a construction company called Kayden Premier Enterprises. The company had fast growth and in 2010, Marques won The African American Subcontractor of the Year Award in the state of Maryland. Eventually his business went bankrupt, losing almost 2 million dollars on one project in a matter of 90 days.  During his darkest hours, he pulled himself together, got a part-time job as a custodian and with hard work and determination became an inspirational keynote speaker, and business leader.

Where you can find Marques:

Instagram: @marquesogden

How do you recover from being bullied at a young age? How do you learn that you are enough? What can young men do to learn empathy? How can young men and children learn patience? On this episode, Troy and I go deep into conversations about marriage, bullying, growth mindset and more.

Are there still spaces for men to come together on their own? What are the benefits of male models? Do those who are distant have the same effect on us? What is the significance of feminine and masculine energy balances? These are just a few of the topics discussed on this episode.

How important is a young man's relationship with his father? How does divorce affect his growth? What are the impacts of traditionalist thinking on a young man? Is blood really thicker than water? Who's role is it to create stronger relationships with their parents? Or our siblings? And what does it mean to contribute to the home as an adult? These are just a few of the topics we discuss in this episode of the (im)perfect podcast!

How important has mentorship been in Jonathan's life? How have other men supported him in his journey? What have been some of the strengths that the church has provided young men? What about the weaknesses? Why does the church think that they hold more say over the sanctity and values of marriage when the failure rate is just as high in the church as outside? These are some of the questions that we discuss on part two of this episode. I hope you enjoy our conversation about some of these insanely personal topics, our "truths", and how we take a critical objective and subjective views of our experiences.

Is too much sex a bad thing? What have been some of the effects of pornography in us and some of our friend's lives? Why is the church so scared of discussing the meaning and relationship we have with sex and our bodies? What does sex education mean anymore and who is in charge of it's teaching? In part one of this episode, Jonathan and I discuss his sex and drug addiction and how it played a huge impact on his relationships with women in his young adult and formative years. We discuss the impact of pornography. The culture of clubbing. And how partying like a rockstar, dating apps and playing the "game" affected his relationship with sex and himself. Through his coming to Christianity, he feels like a changed man and has re-learned what it means to be a man and treat women and himself in healthy ways. I hope you enjoy our conversation about some of these insanely personal topics, our experiences and our "truths", and how we take a critical objective and subjective view of how the Church has failed in so many aspects of teaching young men and women about sex, drugs, and pornography.

What does being a male cheerleader teach you about your masculinity? How did being the youngest of 4 shape your life? How do you deal with the death of a parent? Why did you quit work to support your sister's political career? How can we remove our judgments of people to see who they really are? These are just some of the questions I discuss with Noah on the "eppy" of the podcast. Noah is one of the kindest and most genuine people I've ever met and I really hope you take away something from this episode. Happy Holidays everyone!

How hard was it to be gay at an all-male school? What are the challenges you face in your coming-out story growing up in a Catholic home? What are some ways you can build better relationships with your parents despite these differences? On this episode, Jofo and I go deeper into all of these questions, trying to navigate how you can "agree to disagree, agreeably". 

A bit about the guest: Jofo is a great friend of mine that I've known very well for the last 5 years. We lived together in our first and third year of university. We've been through a lot together. We've seen each other at our worst and at our best but we still support each other through it all as we know we're both driven to be the best we can be. It was great to sit down and discuss some really personal things with him. Excited for you to hear!

Why are men teased and made fun of for being sensitive and emotional? How does divorce affect young men? How can selfishness lead to happiness for everyone? These are some of the topics that Scott and I talk about on our episode.

On this episode, Pablo and I go deeper into our conversation creating things we're passionate about, mental health, and the importance of fathers and mentorship in a young man's life. Pablo also talks about growing up in the Rexdale neighbourhood and how that affected him and his friends and how he’s constantly trying to dig deeper into himself with meditation, reading and creativity. Pablo's honesty, sincerity, and soft-spokeness is endearing. He clearly is self-reflective in all aspects of his life which allows him to give a lot of authentic and clear opinions about how he sees his life and how accountability has been one of his biggest assets.

This is by far the most personal episode yet. Olaf goes into depth about his relationship with his parents, his love for bodybuilding, and how he has been affected by periods of homelessness in his life. Olaf shares the raw emotions he has felt throughout his life and how much power and determination it's taken to get where he is now. At the end of this episode, you will hear his beautiful poem, "He's Hiding", which he wrote after we recorded our podcast as a reflection on his relationship with his parents. It's a beautiful moment. I hope you get as much from it as I did.