Impolite Company

Photography is Lies (w/ Susan Bennet)

An episode of Impolite Company

By Impolite Company, LLC
About
Comedian Chris Cyr brings his brand of targeted hedonism to you on a semi-regular basis. Monologues, diatribes, and conversations about everything from coffee to the increasing likelihood that we're all living in the fever dream of a dying DMT user, no topic is off limits. #NoGodsNoMasters
More places to listen
Comedian Chris Cyr brings his brand of targeted hedonism to you on a semi-regular basis. Monologues, diatribes, and conversations about everything from coffee to the increasing likelihood that we're all living in the fever dream of a dying DMT user, no topic is off limits. #NoGodsNoMasters

More places to listen

They Call Me The Working Man
Season 3 starts with host Chris Cyr on the road in Little Rock, AR.  Recorded over Labor Day Weekend, Chris recounts his very first job.  Then he reminisces about a few jobs where he was definitely not a model employee.  St. Augustine hated babies.   Check out an all new Impolite Company!f 
47:47
September 11, 2019
Two Street Jokes
Chris is on the road today, so there's not a regular episode.  He did fire up the ol' remote studio (a.k.a. The Samsung Galaxy S 8) and give you his two favorite street jokes in observance of Comedy Contest Season!  Also, most of America needs to learn how elevators work.
29:00
August 2, 2019
New Year's Summer Day
Chris makes the case for moving New Year's Day to the summer.  He rants about a lot of stuff. The late night crowd at his show this weekend hated him, which was awesome.  One more call for a revolution.
53:47
June 19, 2019
L'il Wu Tang Clan
Chris gives away three million dollar ideas on today's episode.  The best of which is a new children's series featuring the remaining members of the Wu Tang Clan.  He recounts his memorial day weekend, and complains about a car that needs to be retired. Welcome to Impolite Company.
52:27
May 29, 2019
Hugh Jackman's Claws Are Real
Chris discusses Game of Thrones, insomnia, conspiracies, LSD, and good Christian values. Impolite Company is here to remind you, #NoGodsNoMasters
55:37
May 15, 2019
Your Mom's Really Into Sepultura
Back from his trip to New York, Chris catches up with the audience, discusses NYC, Game of Thrones, Avengers, Illinois's recreational marijuana effort, and wants to know "Are we recording?" Welcome to Impolite Company!
44:15
May 8, 2019
No One Is Ready
Chris wonders if he's ready to start the show. He can't work the coffeemaker in the studio.  He delivers a special pep talk for you about accomplishing your dreams. RIP Notre Dame cathedral. It's #NoGodsNoMastersNoChurches on today's Impolite Company!
52:29
April 16, 2019
Bird Wars
Chris is under siege from a pigeon who's nesting on his front porch. Will he survive this aggression? Who knows?  Exploding soup cans, weird house selling superstitions, and other topics all get blown off so he can spend more time on the bird. Listen to Impolite Company!
52:06
April 9, 2019
Singing in the Reign of Blood
Chris sings most of today's episode.  We don't mean that he sings on today's show, we mean he SINGS THE DAMN SHOW.  He assures us there were no drugs involved.  Most of the show involves, Joe Biden, and how "Biden: The Musical" is not going to be made.  He didn't mean for that to happen, but it did.  We also briefly discussed new superhero trailers, but somehow made it back to Biden.  The hour went by really fast. That's Impolite Company for you.
54:45
April 4, 2019
The Bustelo Missile Crisis
Do you have a "Go Bag?"  What is the weird thing people are going to find when you die, a coffee can full of your fingernail clippings?  R.I.P. coffee cans, in this age of plastic. Donald trump has an army of meth heads to protect him if he loses the next election.  Sam Elliot. It's time for Impolite Company!
55:25
March 28, 2019
So I Bought A Hand Pie
It's an abbreviated show today since Chris overslept.  But, it's a perfect time to let you know about the recent change at Chris's local doughnut shop.  The Mueller report is completed, and even though no one's read it, everyone's sure it supports their argument. Chris worries that the secret service will misinterpret his intentions.
36:51
March 26, 2019
Boycott Fish Fries
Chris Cyr wonders why liberals are starting to eat at ChicFillA again.  For that matter, why are they spending money on fish fries at churches across the country?  Also, a completely made up survey about the end of the world.
57:42
March 21, 2019
You Have To Turn The Box On
Did you know that public transportation runs late as part of an organized conspiracy to increase the rate of fatal pneumonia in poor people? We did. Chris Cyr informs you on today's Impolite Company!
51:28
March 19, 2019
Tweeting From the End of the World
Chris describes his experience with a sensory deprivation tank, wonders why his bank doesn't accept cash half the time, Panda Express people are loud, and how did we survive Facebook being down?  Get on Twitter and Get Ready for Today's Impolite Company!
54:48
March 15, 2019
Money Laundering and Blood Alley
It's a new studio. New equipment.  Same Chris. Chris gives a solution for the emerging marijuana dispensary industry, where banks are reluctant to open accounts for the new business.  Chris tells you the basics of money laundering.  The real purpose of the puzzles boxes from Hellraiser is way dirtier than you thought.  Patchouli should go away.  And what's up with Blood Alley? It's a brand new Impolite Company!
53:13
March 12, 2019
John Wayne and Dick Pics
All we're saying is that if you're a dude and your buddy says "Hey, check this out!" you let him send you a pic.  Also, who, other than everyone, John Wayne was a racist homophobe? Toilet bowls full of foam. Snowstorms that may or may not come. And of course, a rant about social media. It's a full menu from Impolite Company!
50:24
February 20, 2019
Valentine's Day Massacre
Happy Valentine's Day from Impolite Company.
44:21
February 15, 2019
Process Improvement for Cannibals
Yeah, we don't even know where to begin.  A recent gig in rural Illinois has Chris concerned about vampires and cannibals.  He has tips for both.  It's a weird episode of Impolite Company!
40:11
February 12, 2019
I Was Basically Oliver Twist
Chris is certain he's a city kid through and through.  He recounts a time his car was broken into and reveals that he's much more efficient at breaking into cars, but doesn't explain how he knows that. Also, doughnuts. It's a deep dive on today's Impolite Company.
47:58
February 9, 2019
Secrets, Lies, and Oprah
We're not sure if Chris is ranting about Donald Trump and keeps getting distracted by Liam Neeson, or if he's ranting about Liam Neeson and keeps getting distracted by Donald Trump.  But, we can all agree that it'd have been a different week if Liam had made his confession to Oprah, instead of to the Independent. Strap one on for today's Impolite Company!
45:38
February 6, 2019
Saturday Mornings Were Better In The 80s
It's been a year! Chris discusses personal and creative growth, and tells a few jokes he wrote in his first year of comedy. The new DCU shows are fun. Also, if you purposefully use the wrong pronoun to address a person, you're an a-hole. That's a pretty non-controversial opinion he pretends is a hot take.  Don't be an a-hole.   It's Impolite Company!
45:11
February 1, 2019
The Art of the Deal
The government shut down is over and Chris wonders if this is the type of negotiating we can expect from the POTUS when he protects US interests with North Korea.  Also, don't use duct tape for sex play, addresses the "why are you politicial?" question, and DON'T DUMP OUT COFFEE!!! For Christ's sake people, it's coffee.
46:03
January 28, 2019
Jesus Just Left Chicago
Warning: Today's episode was recorded in the car, on the highway, Tuesday night. We meant to post it late that night, but time, man...time. Chris cusses too much and apologizes for it.  He discusses current events ranging from bratty white kids in red hats to the government shut down.  Also, why you're the problem with True Detective season 2.   It's Impolite Company!
54:38
January 24, 2019
Cheeseburger in Paradise
A veritable buffet of American exceptionalism was bestowed upon the Clemson Tigers yesterday.  Let's talk about it.  Also, it snowed in St. Louis.  Need learn furniture?
48:49
January 15, 2019
The Plural of Moose is Moose
Chris lists a number of things you could have done last night instead of watching Donald Trump's speech.  It's a long list.  The plural of "moose" is "moose."  Right?  The Chrysler Building is for sale.
49:48
January 9, 2019
Till the Wheels Fall Off
Chris spends a lot of time talking about flat tires, which somehow still brings up the subjects of donuts.  Do people pick up escorts at the front door? Does the government shutdown mean we can act crazy on mass transit now? And it's interesting that Trump didn't try making his little speech during the national championship game last night. Also, he's not even allowed to commit murder. So, relax.
46:02
January 8, 2019
Space Birthdays Are Going To Be Sad
Chris discusses the news that the Chinese government launched a lunar rover on the far side of the Earth's moon.  Completely ignoring recent achievements by the U.S. space program, Chris angrily screams into the abyss about why we don't have an Auntie Anne's Pretzels at Lagrange 5 to serve colonists on their way to new worlds.
48:38
January 3, 2019
June 21 is the New January 1
It's a new year, but what does that really mean?  How we measure time is a construct created by men who wanted a way to chart their moment by moment progress towards their graves.  Also, don't hijack trains. We swear it all ties together, maybe.  Enjoy today's Impolite Company!
46:31
January 2, 2019
I Don't Know It's Christmas
Chris bemoans the fact that it doesn't feel like Christmas, gives advice to long haul drivers tempted to buy imitation amphetamines, makes a suggestion about international nuclear proliferation that may be illegal, and more!
47:33
December 18, 2018
Be An Axe Murderer For Good
Chris gives you advice for your annual performance review,  surviving toxic holiday culture in your corporate job, and if you're going to be an axe murderer, choose your victims wisely.  Die Hard is a Christmas Movie.
48:00
December 11, 2018
The Clanger!
Chris can't handle the Salvation Army bell ringers who block the ingress to every retail establishment he wants to go to this time of year.  He spends a good part of the episode airing his grievances. George H.W. Bush died this week.  The general feeling ranges from "SAD" to "MEH".  Chris points out that no president gets into heaven, and the Prince always had more power than the sitting president. It's national cookie day. Eff cookies.
42:51
December 4, 2018
The Truth About Rudolph
Chris gives a different take on Christmas classics like Rudolph the Red Nosed Reindeer, Frosty the Snowman, and How The Grinch Stole Christmas.  He also made the mistake of listening to Christmas music on the way into the studio this morning.
48:12
November 29, 2018
Broke Wednesday
Chris knows he needs a commercial, but isn't sure about what format to use.  He makes sure you know how to celebrate the first Wednesday after Thanksgiving,  more commonly known as Broke Wednesday. Chris also worries that he may get food poisoning.
48:06
November 28, 2018
The Unavoidable Problem of Pie
Chris discusses the unavoidable problem of pie, the lessons of Creed 2, Christmas Trees, and kids. Get back into the swing of things with today's Impolite Company.
47:33
November 27, 2018
Thanksgiving
Exclusively for the internet, Chris hides in a bathroom and record and records a special episode for the Thanksgiving holiday.  Don't play Hallelujah on bar jukeboxes.  What are you thankful for? Pie! And a lost tribe knows how to handle Jehovah's Witnesses.
52:16
November 23, 2018
What In The Hell Is Wrong With You, Missouri?
Cold bubbly water poured into your crotch will wake you up quite well. Chris shares this and other secrets.  He also wants to know, what the hell is wrong with you, Missouri?
47:53
November 8, 2018
Yolonda MizzUnderstood Brown
Sam kills Chris again, and takes over the show. Yolanda MizzUnderstood Brown (yes, say the whole thing) joins him to talk Walking Dead, Game of Thrones, and cuffing season. Catch her being sued by her son on Judge Mathis Thursday at 3pm on ABC.
51:07
November 7, 2018
F**king Vote
Chris has election advice for Missouri voters.  Mostly, that advice is to not let Josh Hawley make it to the U.S. Senate.  Seriously, Josh Hawley looks like he'd fuck cancer victims, in every sense of the word.  Don't vote for him. Seriously. Don't fucking vote for that guy. Also, demons. We talk about demons, and rituals, and food, maybe? It got a little hazy at one point. Chris mispronounced Gillespie and Peyton cracked up. Hawley can text in an opposing opinion if he wants. We dare him.
47:30
November 6, 2018
The Lost Episode (The Last Drunk)
One night in August, Chris went to a party.  The party kept going until it night became morning.  The show doesn't stop just because of whiskey. This is a cautionary tale.  If you consume too much of the devil's party water, you're going to say some questionable things.  Especially concerning the series finale of M*A*S*H. So anyway, here's the episode that was "lost" to the general public. He doesn't drink any more.  But you should.  He likes it that way.
52:53
November 4, 2018
Woke Bingo and Other Halloween Recaps
Chris is doped up on cold medicine and can't be held responsible for how tired he sounds, or anything he says.  He's taken so much cold medicine, that he can't remember what he talked about as he writes this description two days late.  He thinks he said, "I don't know, man. I don't have any answers." a lot. Yeah.  He knows he recorded the outro twice and messed up the outro music.  Did you miss the part where he took Nyquil instead of Dayquil? He wasn't in the studio where Peyton could do things bett
54:36
November 1, 2018
Halloween!
It's Halloween! Draw your pentagrams, like your black candles, put on your robes, and place an Almond Joy in the center of the summoning circle for our Dark Lord to snack on after he appears.  Chris has thoughts on this day.  Let's see if he survives this episode of Impolite Company!
48:34
October 31, 2018
No, You Can't Have A Pet Pikachu
Chris discusses why drunk people shouldn't talk to the musician on stage. There's a discussion about weddings, why the government won't let you have a pokemon, and other topics.  It's a fun ride on today's Impolite Company.
49:30
October 30, 2018
You Can Hurt Trump, But Don't Touch DeNiro
Yesterday, a bunch of suspicious packages were mailed to the offices of various people and institutions referred to as "enemies of the people" and other insults by the President of the United States. That was bad. Today one of those packages was received by Robert DeNiro. Chris lets these terrorists, whoever they are,  Al Queda or Al Smith, know that they've gone too far.
49:36
October 25, 2018
Did Not Win The Lottery
Chris did not win the big ass lottery drawing last night.  He didn't even buy a ticket. But he has a plan to get rich anyway. Unrelated fact: Did you know that it's practically impossible to prosecute 100 people for the same murder? Other unrelated fact: Do you know that $1.7 billion divided by 100 is still a really big number? Just kidding...
49:22
October 24, 2018
I Ain't Afraid Of No Ghost
Chris talks about horror movies and relates them to the real world.  The kind of people who live in Newtown, would definitely build their homes on a cursed cemetery. Possessed children just need to be punched in the face.  Send Seal Team 6 after Michael Meyers. There a smorgasbord  of information.
46:41
October 23, 2018
Let Eli Roth Teach Your Kids
On today's Impolite Company, Chris discusses his disappointment in finding a seed in a Clementine this morning.  He also thinks your kids would learn more from watching The Devil's Rejects than they'll learn from Chronicles of Narnia. Did your kid go Eli Roth on a bully? Then this episode is for you.
47:27
October 17, 2018
Lee Greenwood is a Chump
Proud To Be An American is a terrible song. It's even worse when sung by drunk white people at a karaoke bar.  Lee Greenwood is a chump. It's impolite Company with Chris Cyr.
47:11
October 16, 2018
Frack Branson
Chris doesn't think Branson needs state money to promote tourism.  The governor needs to up his grammar game. Are we done with problematic material in general?  Free speech is boring.
47:32
October 11, 2018
Lance Has Seen A Ghost (w/Lance Cain)
Today's guest on Impolite Company is St. Louis comic, Lance Cane.  Chris and Lance talk about comedy, playing in a band, and other topics.  Lance has seen a ghost.
55:09
October 10, 2018
Donut Get It Twisted
Enough about bagels.  Chris helps you choose the right donut order and tells you what your donut choices say about you.  The jackbooted thugs of the New World Order make an appearance. Enjoy today's Impolite Company!
50:01
October 9, 2018
Photography is Lies (w/ Susan Bennet)
Chris sits down with Susan Bennet, the photographer entrusted with making him look damned good in all of his headshots.  They discuss selfies, photography as an art, why you are NOT a photographer regardless of your IG followers, and other topics. Check out Ooh St. Lou Studios on the web! Website: http://oohstloustudios.com/ The science of selfies: http://oohstloustudios.com/the-science-of-the-selfie-no-you-dont-really-look-like-that
55:01
October 4, 2018
Disappointingly Not The Anti-Christ
It's October! Chris is going to talk about horror movies.  Today, he talks more about the time he was convinced he was the anti-Christ after his dad let him watch The Omen.  Brett Kavanaugh is a (our legal department demands we add the word "probably" here) a rapist.  Chris emceed an Oktoberfest even and recaps his weekend at The Funny Bone in St. Louis. He also outlines the perfect dozen bagels to order for your office food day! He's not dead.
47:45
October 2, 2018
The Mexico Tapes, Pt. 4
It's the final night of his vacation and instead of finishing his packing, Chris is recording an episode for you.  That's how much he loves you. Don't you ever question it. Chris addresses concerns people express over the dangerous nature of Mexico, the complications of packing in the era of tiny underwear, TSA Prepass, vacations in general, Verizon (again), and John McCain. He's back in the studio tomorrow.  Dig in!
57:05
August 27, 2018
The Mexico Tapes, Pt. 3
Still on the roof of his AirBnB in San Miguel de Allende, Chris dispatches another episode from his Mexican adventure.  He talks about PETA's approach to Animal Crackers, Verizon's culpability in the deaths of people during emergencies, Olive Garden, Starbucks, and a chicken dinner.  It's weird.
55:18
August 23, 2018
The Mexico Tapes, Pt. 2
Chris is sitting on the roof of his Air BnB in San Miguel de Allende recording today's episode. He' obsessed with the Jacuzzi tub on this roof, and wonders if that's enough to keep him from returning to St. Louis.  He discusses the proper way to help animals. And, he has advice for a group of brewery employees in town for training, and who he's been told have invaded one of his favorite bars. Don't miss Chris at LouFest this year.
57:53
August 22, 2018
Viva Mexico
Chris checks in from vacation, now that he isn't at the mercy of Verizon's data plan for uploading content.  He talks about Anthony Bourdain, the need for most Americans to get out of their comfort zone, food poisoning, what might possibly be credit fraud (disclaimer: Chris is not a lawyer, and he drinks a lot. Please don't follow his advice on most things.), a wonders if his tattoos count as cultural appropriation.
54:22
August 21, 2018
Breakfast at Shoney's (W/ Susan Bennet and Jamie Krock)
Saturday morning, Chris woke up with a craving for French toast sticks.  So clearly, the only solution was to call up Bare Knuckle Comedy writer, Jamie Krock and Susan Bennet of Ooh St. Lou Studios, pile in the car, and drive three hours to Henderson, Kentucky, the town that houses the Shoney's nearest St. Louis. Get a plate of food, sit back, and listen to a fun breakfast table conversation.
51:29
June 26, 2018
The McDonald's Lady
Chris wonders why the woman at McDonald's quit mid-order.  Listeners give some of their worst work experiences.
52:15
June 11, 2018
Summer's Here
For a lot of kids, school's out for the summer.  Chris remembers the last day of school, getting your yearbook signed, fighting in the streets, swimming pools... It's your basic summer vacation themed coming of age film.  Also, disease vectors.
51:48
June 6, 2018
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