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Infertility Crossroads

Infertility Crossroads

By Meta Getman

Infertility Crossroads is a podcast all about the decision points you make as you try to become a parent. Whether you are just starting out on your TTC journey, have been through IUIs, IVF cycles, and are exploring alternative paths to becoming a parent like donor conception (donor egg, donor sperm, donor embryo, double donor), adoption or living child free this podcast will help you answer the question of "what's next" in a way that allows you to feel good about your decisions. Your host, Meta Getman, is a donor conception coach and mom to twin girls conceived via donor egg.
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02. Five Things I'd Do Differently On My Infertility Journey

Infertility Crossroads

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20. Are Toxins the Reason Why I'm Not Getting Pregnant?
20. Are Toxins the Reason Why I'm Not Getting Pregnant?
I have a confession...sometimes I wonder if my exposure to toxins in my environment impacted my ability to get pregnant using my own eggs.  I will never know the answer to that question but it is something I've become more aware of over the last 10 years.   We hear it all the time...contaminates in the air, water, food, skin care, make-up, etc are causing issues in our bodies.  It can get overwhelming.  And it can be hard to know what is real vs what is data being twisted to scare us into doing something or trying some new product.  But I do think there is enough data now to show that certain chemicals can be harmful to our health both short and long term.  And I do think that being mindful of what we put in and on our bodies along with the environments we are in can make a difference when it comes to our reproductive health.   Today's episode is about those different toxins, my own experience, and some suggestions you can try if you are interested in reducing your exposure to environmental toxins.  Products I Recommend  (note, I may receive a commission from a purchase you make using this link or my code).  Primally Pure Use code META10 to get 10% off your first purchase  BeautyCounter Branch Basics Resources: https://www.niehs.nih.gov/health/topics/agents/endocrine/index.cfm https://www.epa.gov/endocrine-disruption/what-endocrine-disruption What are Endocrine Disruptors and Examples by Dr. Lora Shahine  https://joe.bioscientifica.com/view/journals/joe/233/3/R109.xml Environmental Working Group (EWG)
13:45
January 30, 2023
19. 5 Reasons why IVF With Your Own Eggs Isn't Working
19. 5 Reasons why IVF With Your Own Eggs Isn't Working
Failed IVF cycle after failed IVF cycle is the absolute worst for so many reasons.  For me, it was because I thought IVF with my own eggs was going to work, no questions asked.  The reality is that IVF doesn't always work and in fact, only works about 45% of the time for people under the age of 35.   On the podcast today I'm talking about 5 reasons why your IVF cycles with your own gametes (egg and/or sperm) and what these reasons mean to you and your infertility journey.   Connect with me on Instagram  Did you just learn that donor conception might be your path to parenthood? Or maybe you think it might be but are not sure yet? Or, maybe you already know but need some more help.  Get my free PDF download, The Donor Decision Guide  Resources:  https://www.sartcorsonline.com/rptCSR_PublicMultYear.aspx?reportingYear=2020 https://natalist.com/blogs/learn/guide-to-ivf-embryo-grading?gclid=CjwKCAiA76-dBhByEiwAA0_s9X3KZyKKPKcqK0Zi6U_j3Sr7axtMvK1NgagxTiTEUKoelfSv40NrPRoCnjAQAvD_BwE ---
12:46
January 23, 2023
18. How to Instantly Open Up The Feelings Conversation With Your Partner
18. How to Instantly Open Up The Feelings Conversation With Your Partner
Do you feel like your partner shuts down as soon as you try to talk about your struggles with infertility? Or maybe you are the one feeling like you just can't talk to your partner about your struggles because it's too hard.   Friend, you are not alone.  Infertility can cause a huge wedge between you and your partner.  The good news is that it doesn't have to stay that way.  In fact, going through the challenges and struggles of having a baby can actually bring you closer together.  In this episode of the podcast I'm sharing with you why I believe we tend to move away from one another and I'm giving you some easy tips to put into action today that will help you and your partner turn toward each other instead of away.  Connect with me on Instagram Did you just learn that donor conception might be your path to parenthood? Or maybe you think it might be but are not sure yet? Or, maybe you already know but need some more help. Get my free PDF download, The Donor Decision Guide 
19:09
January 16, 2023
17. Why You Are Struggling to Make a Decision
17. Why You Are Struggling to Make a Decision
Making decisions can be difficult and can often leave us feeling overwhelmed. The advice out there is to take your problem and break it into smaller parts. Then take time to consider the different options. Sometimes people recommend pros and cons lists, checking in with yourself, getting advice from others who have gone through a similar experience. All this is great advice but there is something you have to do first. Because if you don't do this one thing first...all the lists, checking in, etc will get you no where. On the podcast today we are talking about why you are struggling with making a decision and what steps you can take to start feeling confident in the decisions you are making.  Resources from the Episode:  https://www.health.harvard.edu/staying-healthy/understanding-the-stress-response https://www.thescienceofpsychotherapy.com/prefrontal-cortex/#:~:text=The%20prefrontal%20cortex%20(PFC)%20is,making%2C%20and%20moderating%20social%20behaviour https://www.mayoclinic.org/healthy-lifestyle/stress-management/in-depth/exercise-and-stress/art-20044469#:~:text=Exercise%20increases%20your%20overall%20health,%2Dgood%20neurotransmitters%2C%20called%20endorphins
16:11
January 09, 2023
16. Should I Use an Anonymous, Known or Open ID Egg Donor?
16. Should I Use an Anonymous, Known or Open ID Egg Donor?
Choosing to use an egg donor is a big decision. Once you've made that one though...another big decision comes and it is around what kind of donor to choose. I hear it all the time from my clients and from people I connect with on Instagram.  I also felt the exact same way: all the options are overwhelming and it is hard to know what the best choice is. As future parents we are constantly thinking about what is best for our future children. Weighing their needs vs. our needs and our ability to access the best possible solution. On today's episode, I'm diving deeper into the types of egg donor you can choose from, the pros and cons of each option, and the things you need to know going forward regardless of what option you choose. Connect with me on Instagram  Did you just learn that donor conception might be your path to parenthood? Or maybe you think it might be but are not sure yet? Or, maybe you already know but need some more help.  Get my free PDF download, The Donor Decision Guide https://www.metagetman.com/podcast 
14:59
January 02, 2023
15. 10 Tips to Help You Move Forward When you Feel Stuck
15. 10 Tips to Help You Move Forward When you Feel Stuck
I recently did a poll on my instagram and I wanted to share the results with you.  I've personally been feeling tired.  Burnt out.  And I asked if others were feeling the same thing.  I got an overwhelming response of YES! You are feeling burnt out just like me.  It got me thinking...when we are feeling tired, burned out, or are forced to take a pause on our fertility journey it can feel so frustrating.  It can make us feel stuck when really what we have is an opportunity.  On today's episode I'm sharing 10 tips to help you keep moving forward when you feel stuck.  This episode is great for anyone who is forced to take a break (a canceled cycle, a clinic closure for maintenance, etc.) or anyone who is just generally feeling tired and not sure how to move forward.   Want an easy to reference free PDF download of these ideas? Go to https://metagetman.com/fertilityforward and download your free copy!  Resources from this Episode:  https://www.helpguide.org/articles/stress/burnout-prevention-and-recovery.htm https://www.betterup.com/blog/how-to-recover-from-burnout 5 Simple Mindfulness Practices for Daily Life Insight Timer App
18:40
December 19, 2022
14. Hayley's Story: Perspectives as a Donor Conceived Person and a Mom to Donor Conceived Children
14. Hayley's Story: Perspectives as a Donor Conceived Person and a Mom to Donor Conceived Children
Hayley is an amazing human who is not only donor conceived but is also a mom to donor conceived twins.  In today's episode, Hayley and I talk about her story of learning she was donor conceived, how her own experiences have shaped the way her and her wife approach parenting their children, and our shared thoughts on how, as recipient parents, we have to do our own work in navigating our feelings around using a donor.    This episode is packed with personal stories, shared experiences, lots of great tips and tricks and a little fun along the way.   About Hayley Darknell-King Hayley Darknell-King (she/her) currently lives in the UK with her wife. They've been together for over 12 years and have two beautiful children via donor sperm IVF. Her wife carried and they used her wife's eggs. In a twist of fate, Hayley is also a donor conceived person. Her parents used an anonymous (sperm) donor to have her as part of pioneering IVF treatment in the 1980s, however she didn’t find this out until much later in life. In 2019 she DNA tested herself and has located her biological father and 3 other donor siblings. It’s been something of a journey! She recently started speaking openly about her story and taking part in some educational and advocacy work around donor conception. Her hope is to raise awareness and help others on their parenting journeys.  You can find Hayley on Instagram @dcp_journey_2_rp where she has been documenting her journey and connecting with others in the donor conception community. Grab a copy of Hayley's free download, which is a collection of resources for parents of donor conceived people.  Click here to download it!   Resources Discussed During the Show  Donor Sibling Registry  What Makes A Baby Book (on Amazon)  Donor Conception Network Books  Happy Together Children's Book  Dr. Patricia Hershberger/Tell Tool  Connect with me on Instagram  Did you just learn that donor conception might be your path to parenthood? Or maybe you think it might be but are not sure yet? Or, maybe you already know but need some more help.  Get my free PDF download, The Donor Decision Guide
55:30
December 12, 2022
13. Five Hacks To Help You Through The Holidays
13. Five Hacks To Help You Through The Holidays
Today I'm sharing five of my favorite holiday hacks to help you get through the holidays.  This episode is a little more light hearted and is meant to give you practical tips and tricks for getting through the holidays.  If you want to do the emotional work, check out episode 10. Giving Thanks When It Feels Like There Is Nothing to Give Thanks For.   Connect with me on Instagram  Did you just learn that donor conception might be your path to parenthood? Or maybe you think it might be but are not sure yet? Or, maybe you already know but need some more help.  Get my free PDF download, The Donor Decision Guide.
13:21
December 05, 2022
12. Infertility from a Male's Perspective: Michael's Insights on Donor Conception (Part 2)
12. Infertility from a Male's Perspective: Michael's Insights on Donor Conception (Part 2)
This episode is part 2 of a two part series I recorded with my husband Michael.  If you haven't listened to part 1 yet, go back and listen to episode 11 first.  In today's episode, Michael and I pivot our conversation to our perspectives on choosing our donor, working through our grief around donor conception, the way we communicate in decision making, Michael's thoughts on us using anonymous donor, and Michael's tips for other men going through this process.   Connect with me on Instagram  Did you just learn that donor conception might be your path to parenthood? Or maybe you think it might be but are not sure yet? Or, maybe you already know but need some more help. Get my free PDF download, The Donor Decision Guide www.metagetman.com/podcast
29:48
November 28, 2022
11. Infertility from a Male Perspective: Michael's Insights on Our Story (Part 1)
11. Infertility from a Male Perspective: Michael's Insights on Our Story (Part 1)
Infertility from the male perspective is not talked about nearly as much as it should be.  In part 1 of a 2 part series with my husband, Michael Getman, we talk about his perspective of our path to becoming parents.  Michael talks about how he felt when we learned he had a low sperm count that would lead us to IUI, his thoughts on the infertility crossroad of going to IVF to how we navigated made decisions along the way.     We even talk about our WTF appointment where we learned we were going to have to use donor eggs to build our family and a shocking realization comes out about his thought process vs. mine.   This is an episode not to be missed!  Michael Getman is an incredible partner and husband (mine!) and the genetic father to our donor egg conceived twin girls. He is also a scientist who spends his days working in the healthcare industry.  Michael has shared his story and perspective with my private clients as well as at multiple Resolve Midwest Family Building Summits.  Connect with me on Instagram Did you just learn that donor conception might be your path to parenthood? Or maybe you think it might be but are not sure yet? Or, maybe you already know but need some more help. Get my free PDF download, The Donor Decision Guide www.metagetman.com/podcast
32:48
November 21, 2022
10. Giving Thanks When You Feel Like You Have Nothing to be Thankful For
10. Giving Thanks When You Feel Like You Have Nothing to be Thankful For
Giving thanks when it feels like you have nothing to be thankful for can be really hard.   During the holidays, when we are "supposed to be thankful" can be especially challenging.  For me, as a kid, the holidays were magical.  As I got older, they got harder and harder.  And during infertility they were the absolute worst.  The holidays marked another year of trying.  Another year with no baby.  Another year of watching others get their families and me still without mine.  On today's episode I'm sharing with you the biggest thing I've learned about how to be thankful and give thanks when it feels like there is nothing to be thankful for.  I'll give you a hint...it's not that hard and you can start doing it today.  Resources from today's episode: Giving Thanks Can Make You Happier, Harvard Health and Wellbeing  Gratitude and the Brain: What is Happening, Brain Balance Centers Connect with me on Instagram Did you just learn that donor conception might be your path to parenthood? Or maybe you think it might be but are not sure yet? Or, maybe you already know but need some more help.  Get my free PDF download, The Donor Decision Guide www.metagetman.com/podcast
14:49
November 14, 2022
09. Six Tips for Building Better Connection with Your Partner During Infertility
09. Six Tips for Building Better Connection with Your Partner During Infertility
Infertility can be incredibly challenging on your relationships - especially your relationship with your partner.  Today I'm sharing six tips for building better connection with your partner during infertility.  Infertility is typically one of the first really hard things couples go through.  Up until now, it's probably been really good! And now, not only are you struggling to build a family but both of you are experiencing the challenges at the same time.  You and your partner are going through your own struggles.  You are each approaching it from different perspectives and bringing in your different histories to the conversation. It can be hard to support one another when you are both struggling but it's not impossible.  In fact, it is VERY possible - you just need to be intentional about how you work together as a team.  Today's episode gives you those tools you need to be intentional.  To be a team.  And to grow your relationship closer in the midst of a challenging time.  Connect with me on Instagram  Did you just learn that donor conception might be your path to parenthood? Or maybe you think it might be but are not sure yet? Or, maybe you already know but need some more help.  Get my free PDF download, The Donor Decision Guide 
13:53
November 07, 2022
08. Why Pregnancy and Infant Loss Awareness Month Feels Hard
08. Why Pregnancy and Infant Loss Awareness Month Feels Hard
Why has pregnancy and infant loss awareness month felt hard for me? Because I don't fit into what I perceived a loss had to be. I didn't have a miscarriage.  I didn't have an infant loss.  And I feel incredibly grateful that is the case.  But I did have loss along the way.  I had 7 unsuccessful cycles of treatment for infertility.  I had 3 IVF cycles that all resulted in embryos being transferred and no baby.  I felt and grieved what could have been for those embryos but didn't allow myself the freedom to truly grieve it as a loss.  In the episode today I share my story and talk about how all of our losses whether they fit into what society tells us is loss or not can still impact us deeply.  And I honor all the losses that come along with this journey to becoming a parent.  Episode Resources:  https://starlegacyfoundation.org/awareness-month/ https://pregnancyafterlosssupport.org/get-involved/pail-awareness-month/ Connect with me on Instagram  Did you just learn that donor conception might be your path to parenthood? Or maybe you think it might be but are not sure yet? Or, maybe you already know but need some more help.  Get my free PDF download, The Donor Decision Guide. 
11:41
October 31, 2022
07. We Used an Anonymous Donor. I'd Do It Differently If I Could.
07. We Used an Anonymous Donor. I'd Do It Differently If I Could.
We used an anonymous donor.  I'd do it differently if I could. This topic is a very personal one for me.  Because the choice we made to use an anonymous egg donor is one that I felt guilty about for a long time.  It's something that impacts my children in ways I never thought about.   But I also think it is incredibly important to talk about it.  Talk about what I've learned since that decision was made.  Be open to having these hard conversations and be open to learning, growing, and exploring how we can continue to do better.  If you used anonymous donor or if you are thinking about using anonymous donor, this episode is for you.   During the episode I talk about my own decision making process, how I feel about it now, what I've learned, how we can support our kids going forward, plus some good resources and organizations to listen to and learn from Donor Conceived People.    Resources discussed during the episode: Donor Conceived Council  and Donor Conceived Council on Instagram Donor Conceived Support  and Donor Conceived Support on Instagram Made to Wonder: Race to End Anonymous Donation 2022 - you can still donate to Donor Conceived Council and Donor Conceived Support through this link.
14:24
October 24, 2022
06. Melissa's Story: Navigating Infertility Through the Ups and Downs of Life
06. Melissa's Story: Navigating Infertility Through the Ups and Downs of Life
One of the hardest things for me when I was on my journey to becoming a parent was finding people who were in the same situation as I was.  I wanted so deeply to connect with others who understood what I was going through. I found some infertility friends but when we decided to move onto donor eggs, finding people who understood the complexities of donor was even harder. This episode features Melissa Nath, an orthopedic nurse coordinator, wife and dog mom, who started trying to conceive in her 40's.  I met Melissa when she joined my Donor Downlow program and she is incredible!  Even though the the path to becoming a parent hasn't gone the way she thought it would, she has continued to find hope and resources to help her along the way.  From navigating male factor infertility, the loss of her mother, and losing her own genetics, Melissa is resilient, strong, brave, passionate about helping others in the midst of her pain, and has a story I hope you can relate to. Connect with Melissa on Instagram or Facebook.  Connect with me on Instagram  Did you just learn that donor conception might be your path to parenthood? Or maybe you think it might be but are not sure yet? Or, maybe you already know but need some more help.  Get my free PDF download, The Donor Decision Guide 
47:48
October 17, 2022
05. Five Ways to Come to Terms Using A Donor
05. Five Ways to Come to Terms Using A Donor
Coming to terms with using a donor to build your family.  It's a BIG infertility crossroad and one that I think is really important to talk about.  Maybe you are just hearing about using a donor as an option.  Maybe you have known deep down that donor was going to be your path.   Maybe you even know that donor is your path because of a cancer diagnosis or other reason why you or your partner doesn't have the genetics to conceive.   Regardless of why you are staring down the tunnel of donor conception, it can be scary.  It can be hard.  It can be incredibly lonely. In today's episode I share my top 5 tips for coming to terms with using a donor so you can move forward in building your family in whatever way you decide.  Connect with me on Instagram  Did you just learn that donor conception might be your path to parenthood? Or maybe you think it might be but are not sure yet? Or, maybe you already know but need some more help.  Get my free PDF download, The Donor Decision Guide www.metagetman.com/podcast
12:30
October 14, 2022
04. I Have Low AMH. Should I Skip to Donor Eggs?
04. I Have Low AMH. Should I Skip to Donor Eggs?
Today I wanted to talk about a topic that is near and dear to my own story - low AMH and donor eggs.  AMH, or anti-mullerian hormone is a hormone that is made in the reproductive tissues and can give you pieces of information about the puzzle that is your infertility story.   I didn't know anything about AMH until I was well into my fertility journey.  On today's episode I talk about what is AMH, why it's important to know, what it means (and doesn't mean) and how it relates to possibly having to use donor eggs to build your family.  Connect with me on Instagram  Did you just learn that donor conception might be your path to parenthood? Or maybe you think it might be but are not sure yet? Or, maybe you already know but need some more help.  Get my free PDF download, The Donor Decision Guide www.metagetman.com/podcast Resources mentioned in the episode:  https://my.clevelandclinic.org/health/diagnostics/22681-anti-mullerian-hormone-test https://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pmc/articles/PMC3852815/
06:29
October 13, 2022
03. Keeping Your Fertility Journey Private without Pushing Away Friends and Family
03. Keeping Your Fertility Journey Private without Pushing Away Friends and Family
I hear it all the time...I don't want to push away my friends and family but I don't want to share all the details of our infertility journey.  How do I keep things private but not push people away?  Infertility can be incredibly isolating.  It can be hard, especially if we are wanting to keep things private and not share with everyone how much we are struggling to have a baby.  You might feel like you are pulling away from friends and family.  Being around them or in big groups of people can be really challenging because you are on the edge emotionally and not sure how you will react.  You want to be honest but you don't want to tell them everything.   I felt this exact same way.  I was emotionally fragile yet I value my relationships with the people around me and I didn't want to push them away.   On today's episode I share with you my top tips for being able to keep details about your fertility journey private while still maintaining your friendships and being able to attend family events.   Connect with me on Instagram  Did you just learn that donor conception might be your path to parenthood? Or maybe you think it might be but are not sure yet? Or, maybe you already know but need some more help.  Get my free PDF download, The Donor Decision Guide www.metagetman.com/podcast
12:37
October 12, 2022
02. Five Things I'd Do Differently On My Infertility Journey
02. Five Things I'd Do Differently On My Infertility Journey
On this episode of Infertility Crossroads, I'm sharing with you five things I'd do differently if I had to start my fertility journey all over again.   Do you ever wish you had the opportunity to look back and change what you did?  It could be anything in life - maybe you'd study harder at school.  Maybe it would be taking up the flute instead of the clarinet (that is one of mine!).  Hindsight is 20/20.  We don't know what we don't know.  And the only way to learn what we don't know is to listen to those who have gone before us.   Looking back on my path to becoming a parent via infertility and ultimately using a donor, I wanted to share the four big things I've learned and what I'd do differently.  These four things will apply to anyone - whether you are just getting started, are in the thick of it, or are well on your way to becoming a parent.  My hope is that you can learn from my mistakes, make some different decisions to make this process just a bit easier and be reminded that you are not alone.  Connect with me on Instagram  Did you just learn that donor conception might be your path to parenthood? Or maybe you think it might be but are not sure yet? Or, maybe you already know but need some more help.  Get my free PDF download, The Donor Decision Guide www.metagetman.com/podcast
17:23
October 11, 2022
01. My Story - The Road from Infertile to Donor Egg Mama
01. My Story - The Road from Infertile to Donor Egg Mama
In today's episode I'm kicking off this podcast sharing with you my story of being infertile and told donor eggs were my only option at the age of 31.   I didn't believe I had infertility.  Even though we were trying to conceive, had formal diagnosis of low sperm count, low sperm motility, low AMH and diminished ovarian reserve and were seeing a reproductive endocrinologist.  I just couldn't wrap my head around it.  Until the bomb of using a donor to conceive was dropped.  Not only did my whole world turn upside down but I finally came to the conclusion that I was infertile and I needed help.  Come along with me as I talk through how I came to terms with using a donor, what it's like now, and why I am using my experience to help others along the way.  Connect with me on Instagram Did you just learn that donor conception might be your path to parenthood? Or maybe you think it might be but are not sure yet? Or, maybe you already know but need some more help.  Get my free PDF download, The Donor Decision Guide www.metagetman.com/podcast
15:07
October 10, 2022
0. Infertility Crossroads is Here!
0. Infertility Crossroads is Here!
Perhaps like me, you thought having a baby would be easy...yet here you are every day, week and month having to make big, scary, and radical decisions about what your future might look like.  I call it the Infertility Crossroads.   Whether you are just getting started on your fertility journey, have been trying for years, or are headed down an alternative path you are welcome here. Join me each week where I will walk along side you through all the infertility crossroads. Connect with me on Instagram Did you just learn that donor conception might be your path to parenthood? Or maybe you think it might be but are not sure yet? Or, maybe you already know but need some more help.  Get my free PDF download, The Donor Decision Guide www.metagetman.com/podcast
01:57
September 21, 2022