I Wanna Be Me When I Grow Up

Today we are talking about the role organization plays in a well lived life. The phrase I use for this is another I borrowed directly from author and podcaster Gretchen Rubin - Outer Order = Inner Calm.

One of my superpowers is making order out of chaos. Unfortunately, our greatest strengths are also very often our greatest weaknesses.

In order to use my superpower of making our out of chaos, I often make chaos so that I can order it.

While knowing this about myself has helped dramatically in cutting down the chaos making, it is still a piece of self knowledge that I always have to keep at the fore front - where I am complicating something that doesn't need to be complicated?

In the end, I know that order makes me happy and does make me calmer. It's why the very first online class that I'm developing - The Facts of Life Book Course - is all about making order out of our most important information so that we have it in life's most urgent moments. Let's dive into today's questions to see whether or not order and organization needs to play a role in your wellness framework.

1. Do you like things neat and tidy or are you okay with some mess and disorder? How much of either one (neat/tidy - mess/disorder) is too much for you?
2. What routines and habits are vital to your happiness and wellbeing? How do you protect these routines? If a habit that brought you great joy has fallen away, how could you begin gently reintroducing it or an appropriate modification to it in your life?
3. How do you actively cultivate inner calm? Don't have a strategy - here is my favorite super simple strategy that you can do anywhere - it's called box breathing. I like this best if I close my eyes while I do it, but that isn't required which makes it one of the best strategies in a stressful situation for calming yourself. Breathe in slowly as you count in your head to four, hold your breath for a slow count of four, slowly exhale for another count of four, and hold for another count of four. Repeat as many times as needed and then allow your breathing to return to normal.

   I'm going to end today's episode a little differently - a slightly longer story than usual with another practical tool for helping cultivate inner calm. Before we go to that story though, two more quick calls to action.

   First, if inner calm is a strategy you need to cultivate for yourself, make a list of possible techniques for cultivating inner calm. A few of my favorites include a short walk outdoors weather permitting and if not a short walk indoors, breathing techniques like box breathing, writing down whatever is in my head and tangling my thoughts (usually on paper - definitely NOT on social media), or practicing gratitude and/or an act of kindness towards someone else.

   My second call to action is if you need to develop a more ordered set of documents and information for you life, check out my website at factsoflifebook.com and consider signing up for lifetime access to the course. My aim is to not make it cost prohibitive and to create a supportive community of folks who are helping each other on this journey. I'd love to have you join us if that's you.

   A final story for today. I took my seat on a flight to Orlando, Florida one evening. Just before the boarding door closed, a woman sat down in the middle seat next to me. She was clearly shaken and a little distressed. She also kept coughing and seemed as though she was having a little trouble catching her breath. My initial reaction was annoyance but I soon recognized the signs of a panic attack. I started chatting with her and after getting her to stop apologizing, I asked her if she had ever had a panic attack. She said no. I asked her to try something. Touch a physical object in your line of vision and name it - out loud. She did this - touching her jacket and saying jacket. I encouraged her to do it five or six more

There are two elements to our coffee meeting that I think relate to the aspect of relationships. First, we met through work and neither of us work there anymore (a statement I can make about many of the folks I used to work with). I learned quickly who my real friends were and they were those who first checked in on my so graciously and kindly in the aftermath of that moment but who then also regularly returned my messages when I checked in on them. While I had no reason to, I felt like I'd abandoned them. A few relationships have fallen off but most are still very close - and the best part is now they are much deeper because we get together socially rather than only at work. This has been a huge upside to keeping friends with the folks I formerly called colleagues and friends and now happily simply get to call friends.

The second element to this though is that I am an introverts introvert. I LOVE being alone. I always have. I have to work HARD to force myself to spend out in my physical energy to give it to others. I know the rewards are immense when I do but it's an effort every time - even with those I deeply love and care about. Multiple times this morning, I said to my friend "I'm just not good at keeping relationships moving" - and it's true. I'm not. But, it's an area that as I'm working my way through this series I know I need to invest some more time in - and perhaps even change my phrasing in my own personal framework for wellness. This is an area in Gretchen Rubin's vital 9 that is quite simply called Relationships and I have no directly corresponding area in my personal wellness framework. I have Celebrate each day which is to remember to enjoy the gift of each day and celebrate both my own and others victories with them as well as cultivate an attitude of gratitude which is pretty self explanatory...but I think I need something else. I'm going to work on that and report back at the end of this little mini series.

And, as I give you your action items for today, I'm going to send a text to a friend that we chatted about over coffee this morning ad see if they can go to dinner sometime before the holidays. Here are your questions to consider as you decide if relationships should play a role in your personal framework for wellness.

1. Recall from our episode on Energy that I asked you who in your life boosts your energy and who depletes it. Review those answers. Do you need to spend some more time with your energy boosters to help you gain energy?
2. Who have you said, "I've been meaning to call, drop a note to, etc" that you haven't done? Hit pause and do it right now. I'll be here when you get back.
3. I just wrote an essay in my newsletter on not letting perfect be the enemy of done...don't have time to write a long flowery letter which is what you planned...send a quick email that says you miss them, have been thinking of them or just wanted to say hi and you'd love to connect again soon. I can almost guarantee you they will smile when they see your name in their inbox.
4. Who do you need to spend more time with in your life because they will make your life better. These are not shoulds or coulds - these are people you think "I want to spend more time with..."
5. Finally, I'm going to do a full episode on this just after this mini-series wraps up but I want you to start thinking about who is on your personal board of directors.

   My dear friend Tracy Winchell has been writing this lovely series on kindness - and her most recent issue is called accept that whom you cannot change. I will link to it in the show notes for this episode (https://roamanjournals.com/posts/kindness-accept-that-whom-you-cannot-change).

Welcome back to I Wanna Be Me When I Grow Up. My name is Kara.

My American listeners know that one of the most common questions American's ask one another on meeting is "what do you do?" We put a lot of stock in this country and culture on productivity - but what happens when your identify shifts in a day? Today, I'm sharing Vital Area 2 - Productivity or what I call Show Up and Shine

I wasn't sure what I'd share with you today but since I'm coming up on the one year anniversary of this moment, it's time to start talking about it publicly. On January 14, 2021, just after I'd wrapped up a group broadcast in our organizational Town Hall to about 800 of my fellow employees, one of the HR team members showed up in my doorway and told me my boss wanted to see me.

"Am I being fired?" I asked him. He didn't answer and just asked me to come with him. That was all the answer I needed.

Within 30 minutes I was exiting an organization I'd given 23+ years of my life to for the last time.

In the aftermath of that moment, I had to transform my identity around "what do you do?". Today, when someone asks me, I say I'm a Consultant, Coach, and Content Creator. More importantly to me, I'm building the life I want to live every day surrounded by the people that I love and want to spend time with. Instead of meetings and an overwhelming number of emails and way too much time in the car, my life is now filled with creating, publishing, and facilitating discoveries by others.

Part of what I think made this transition easier is that my "work" identity was not tied up in my job title but in this idea that whatever I do in life I'm going to show up and shine - whether that is volunteering, helping friends, being with my family, creating content, working with clients or what I did for those first 20+ years - leading a large college. I am not a title or a job description - I am me and I'm trying to be a better version of me every single day.

So, as we did yesterday, each of these episodes include a brief journaling exercise. Journal just by thinking about the questions, by writing, by typing, or by dictating text to speech...or discuss these with someone you trust. Do what works for you. Here are today's questions to consider: 

1. What are all of the roles you have in life? (For example, just to name a few, I am a daughter, sister, aunt, dog mom, educator, writer, business owner, and the list goes on...) 
2. When someone asks you "What do you do?" what do you say? 
3. How does what you answer to that question encompass ALL of your roles? If it doesn't, how would you rewrite it to be more encompassing of your whole self? 
4. What word or phrase might be useful to you to encompass how you think about being productive in your life?

If you answer any of these questions, I'd love for you to drop me a note and let me know what you discovered. You can email me at kara at iwannabemewhenigrowup.com or you can go to anchor.fm/iwannabeme and leave a voice mail message.

Something I realized as I went through this experience is - from a professional standpoint ALL of us, except through death which is less than ideal, will experience a day where you are in a professional role followed by a moment immediately after where you are not - whether through retirement, leaving for another job, or having your job ended for you like I did. That's why I prefer to put more energy in relationship development and building which is what we'll talk about tomorrow.

Don't forget to like, rate, review and share this podcast if it was valuable to you. Do you want to make sure you get every episode as well as everything else I publish? If so, then subscribe to my newsletter at https://iwannabemewhenigrowup.substack.com/. I'll talk to you tomorrow.

Welcome back to I Wanna Be Me When I Grow Up. My name is Kara. I've battled my weight all my life. Health and energy are not second nature to me. Today we'll talk about how I use healthy choices to gain energy - a key dimension of wellness.

Today we're talking about the first of what author and podcaster Gretchen Rubin call the Vital 9 - and which I symbolize in my life as Make Healthy Choices.

This phrase - Make Healthy Choices - has changed a few times since I initially wrote these dimensions. It started out as Move More, Eat Well - a phrase I borrowed from scrapbooker and crafting educator Cathy Zielske. I realized that was not broad enough to really signify all the things I needed to do to care for my body, mind, and emotional health when I began dealing with anxiety and panic attacks. 

In each of these episodes on the dimensions of wellness, I'm going to provide you a few short journaling prompts. Again, do as many or as few as you want and do this in any form you want. I love using the voice recorder on my phone. Did you know that the voice recorder on your phone can convert your voice to text? If you want to know how to do that, be sure to subscribe to my newsletter - I'll remind you how at the end of the episode. I wrote a whole tutorial on it that will be in next week's episode. 

Okay, without further ado, here are today's journaling prompts:

1. How do you create energy regularly? What helps you generate energy when you're feeling depleted?

2. How do you use energy wisely? Where are you spending energy in a way you don't want to anymore? What will you do about that?

3. Who in your life adds to your energy? Who depletes it?

4. How do you restore your energy?

5. What aspects of your physical, mental, and emotional health feel healthy right now? What does not feel healthy at the moment?

6. What word or phrase my best represent this area of wellness to you?

If you answer any of these questions, I'd love for you to drop me a note and let me know what you discovered. You can email me at kara at iwannabemewhenigrowup.com or you can go to anchor.fm/iwannabeme and leave a voice mail message.

Tomorrow, we are going to talk about how you use energy for productivity - or what I call "Show Up and Shine" - and talk about what happens where our identity as a professional changes in an instant.

Don't forget to like, rate, review and share this podcast if it was valuable to you. Do you want to make sure you get every episode as well as everything else I publish? If so, then subscribe to my newsletter at https://iwannabemewhenigrowup.substack.com/. 

I'll talk to you tomorrow. 

Welcome back to I Wanna Be Me When I Grow Up. My name is Kara.

When I did my undergrad at Ball State University, the campus community made a big deal out of the fact that we lived in Residence Halls rather than dorms - because they were supposed to be places where we learned about all of these different dimensions of wellness - they weren't just where we slept and ate. I don't think it mattered what you called them but it was the first time I was introduced to the topic of wellness and learned that there are a lot of dimensions and frameworks for wellness. Today, we're going to get an overview of some of those and talk about one in particular that I like. 

The original framework for wellness - those things we have to be constantly looking after if we want to live in an atmosphere of happiness and growth - is called the Wellness Wheel. If you google that term, you'll find all sorts of images depicting the wellness wheel. Most wellness wheels contain eight dimensions which are social, emotional, spiritual, intellectual, physical, environmental, financial, and occupational wellness. Another very similar model is the seven pillars of wellness model which includes mental, physical, social, financial, spiritual, environmental, and vocational. A third model from the National Wellness Institute promotes just six areas of wellness lifestyle - emotional, occupational, physical, social, intellectual, and spiritual. 

And, finally, a 2010 book called Wellbeing identifies 5 essential elements: career, social, financial, physical, and community.  

In 2015, I read the book Desire Map by Danielle Laporte. I devoured it really and it's currently in my re-read stack. I absolutely did NOT follow the instructions in the book - as I almost never do. Instead I adapted it to my way of thinking and in the process, I developed my own 10 dimensions of wellness that somewhat align with Gretchen Rubin's Vital 9. It's my 9 dimensions - and Rubin's vital 9 we're going to be talking about for the next 9 days.

Here are my personal 10 dimensions of wellness:

• Believe in something bigger
• Make healthy choices
• Celebrate each day
• Build a lasting legacy
• Show up and shine
• Outer Order = Inner Calm
• Create a beautiful life
• Use your privilege to help others
• Cultivate an attitude of gratitude
• Find joy in the journey

Over the next 9 episodes we're going to look at each of these paired up with Gretchen Rubin's vital 9 - and I hope to help you develop your own framework for wellness. 

So, tomorrow we're starting with what Rubin calls Energy and what I call Make Healthy Choices. 

Don't forget to like, rate, review and share this podcast if it was valuable to you. Do you want to make sure you get every episode as well as everything else I publish? If so, then subscribe to my newsletter at https://iwannabemewhenigrowup.substack.com/. 

I'll talk to you tomorrow. 

Welcome back to I Wanna Be Me When I Grow Up. My name is Kara.

As I mentioned yesterday, this is the most challenging exercise I will share with you - probably in the entire 30 day series of these daily episodes. But sometimes, that which is incredibly challenging is also incredibly rewarding.

In October 2005, a group of researchers from Harvard Business School and University of Michigan published a journal article in the Academy of Management Review. This article introduced the idea of the Reflected Best Self Exercise. I'll link in the shown notes to a January 2005 article that walks you through a simplified version of the October article (https://hbr.org/2005/01/how-to-play-to-your-strengths) - and which walks you through the steps I'm going to walk you through today.

The researchers were looking for how to help work teams be more effective. Not surprisingly, they found that teams should celebrate their wins and maximize one another's strengths. Not stated in the article, but which becomes obvious when you think about it, if you are maximizing the strengths of your team then you need to have a lot of diversity in your team so that you've got all of your strengths covered.

I think the Reflected Best Self Exercise is not only a way to help you see what strengths others see in you but what values others see you applying on a regular basis. So, here is how to do a Reflected Best Self Exercise.

The first step is to identify a group of diverse people you can ask to give you feedback. To truly do this for your values, you need to ask a variety of people in all facets of your life: work, school, social organizations, church, family, friends, etc. It's also really valuable when these people are from your past and your present. You want to look at the broadest perspective of your life as you can.

Once you have your list of people - I think 10 - 20 people is ideal but even 1 - 5 people is excellent, you are going to ask each one to give you feedback on what your specific strengths are and at least one specific example of when they saw you using that strength. Email is a great way to do this or even voice mail or a handwritten note with a return envelope in it if you want to go old school. How you do it is entirely up to you but you want to get as diverse a set of feedback as you can. That is step 2 - asking for and the collecting feedback.

The third step is to look for themes. The specifics of the Reflected Best Self Exercise tell you to look for your strengths. That will naturally come out in this exercise but I also want you to think about what those strengths and what the examples that were shared with you say about your values. You may find it helpful to organize these in a table as soon as you feel like you have two or more examples that point to a common theme like ethical, courageous, encouraging, etc. List the word or phrase you think describes the values in one column. In the next column, enter the specific examples that were cited for this value, and then finally list the role or relationship in which you showed this value.

The final step in the Reflected Best Self Exercise is to write a brief narrative (about two to five paragraphs) that begins with the prompt, “When I am at my best, I…” In that narrative focus on identifying the values that have led to the actions you've taken and the examples that were shared. What belief, qualities, and traits have you consistently applied.

While, I am suggesting a use of the Reflected Best Self Exercise that has not been formally validated by research, I've done this in many workshops and courses and found that participants and students walked away with a much deeper sense of who they were AND what they valued in life.

So, this is

Today we begin a series of three exercises you can use to find or refine your values. Just like the Ideal Day exercise I shared previously, these are great at any time that you're feeling unsettled in your life a need to gain a little clarity around your values.

Hi everyone. I'm Kara. Welcome back to I Wanna Be Me When I Grow Up. 

Today, I'm sharing the first of three exercises you can use to find or refine your values. I call this one the values questions journal exercise. And, note to self, I need to work on catchier names.

For a week, 10 days, or even a month, spend five to 10 minutes writing answers to any of the following questions/prompts that speak to you. Oh - and don't ignore the questions that make you uncomfortable. Dive into those questions/prompts specifically because that discomfort you feel - it's probably your body and your subconscious trying to tell you something. Pick as few questions/prompts as you feel comfortable with but I'd say no more than five. And, you don't have to answer the same questions each day. You can pick five today, three tomorrow, and four the following day. The most important thing is that you spend five to 10 minutes actively writing about these topics each day for at least five days. 

1. I felt loved when...

2. I felt disregarded when...

3. I was able to use my skills when...

4. I am grateful for...

5. I felt challenged when...

6. I felt encouraged when...

7. I really enjoyed...

8. What was the best moment of today?

9. What was the worst moment of today?

10. What are you most looking forward to tomorrow?

11. What are you most looking forward to this year?

12. Today, I wish I'd made time to...

13. Today, I wish I'd not spent time...

14. Today, I wish I'd shown more kindness towards...

15. I trusted myself when I...

16. I felt valued when...

After you've journaled for five days or more, look back through your what you wrote and see what themes emerged. What do you want to experience more of and/or do more of? What words or phrases represent that? What do you want less of? What words or phrases represent that? What attitudes, beliefs, and behaviors are at the core of all of the themes that arose? 

From all of these data points, you should see that a list of values begins to emerge. 

Today's episode is sponsored by Anchor.fm

Tomorrow, we'll be back with the most challenging but also the most rewarding of the four exercises for finding your values that we're going to cover. The Reflected Best Self Exercise. Don't forget to like, rate, review and share this podcast if it was valuable to you. Do you want to make sure you get every episode as well as everything else I publish? If so, be sure to subscribe to my newsletter at https://iwannabemewhenigrowup.substack.com/. I'll talk to you tomorrow. 

Our values may not come up in day to day conversations or activities - but we should know what it looks like when we act in alignment with our values. Today, I'm offering two simple frameworks to help you identify how you see your values in your life. 

Our values are a part of who we are and what we do - but that doesn't mean they are automatic. 

We need to occasionally check in with our values to ensure that we are seeing them enough in different areas of our lives. Today, I'm going to offer two simple ways you can assess how your values are showing up in your life.

For each you might want a place to capture some notes. I think these exercises are better done in writing. But, as always, do what works best for you.

For exercise 1, write down each value word or phrase and then write the traits that you have that show this value (or what traits would demonstrate this value) and then write what the behaviors that demonstrate this value look like. 

Here is an example. I value creativity. A couple of traits that show this value are that I am interested in learning about other people and I enjoy following my own curiosity. Behaviors that demonstrate this are that I always try to ask others more questions than they ask me and to listen to hear rather than listen to respond and that I check out books from the library any time a topic even vaguely interests me - even if I might only skim the book. 

A second exercise that I really like is the is/is not exercise. Write down each of your value words or phrases. Then, for each word or phrase, I write - I live this value when I... and I fail to live this value when I... You could change the phrasing of this to fit the specific word or phrase - but it's basically I do this when I and I don't do this when I. 

For this exercise, let's use my value of compassion. I live this value when I call my dad daily, when I listen to understand, and when I text someone just to say I'm thinking about them. I fail to live this value when I gossip or when I am short tempered.

I usually find that second exercise just a little easier but I still like the idea of thinking about the traits that lead to behaviors occasionally to help stretch me out of my comfort zone. 

And, with that, we're going to turn our attention for the next few days to ways to identify your values. I shared the ideal day exercise with you already. I have about four more exercises for finding your values that I'll share with you over the course of the next few days. I'd love to know if this series is helpful to you.

Don't forget to like, rate, review and share this podcast if it was valuable to you. Do you want to make sure you get every episode as well as everything else I publish? If so, sign up for my newsletter at https://iwannabemewhenigrowup.substack.com/. I'll talk to you tomorrow. 

We should see our values play out in our lives. When we don't, we know that we are out of alignment with our own chosen values. Today, we're going to talk about two ways to determine if you're in alignment with your values.

Hi everyone. It's Kara. Welcome back to I Wanna Be Me When I Grow Up.

I can't source the quote, "Don’t tell me what you value, show me your calendar and your checkbook, and I’ll tell you what you value." but it has been a part of my life since late high school or early college. We have three attributes that often get talked about in spiritual terms but I think they are appropriate to any domain - and that is our time, talent, and treasure. This quote covers time and treasure. Our talent is a bit harder to track but if you look at the calendar and the checkbook register/bank account statement - my guess is you can also see some ways of how you are spending out with your talent. 

As we just wrapped up October (if you're listening in real time), take a few moments to actually do this activity. Look back at your calendar for October whether that means scrolling on your computer or phone or turning the pages in a paper planner - look through it and see how that makes you feel. The past is in the past but it can be an excellent teacher if you'll allow it to show you its lessons and learn from them. Do the same with your bank account statement or your financial tracking software/check register. Do your best to observe this without judgment and without any shame. If you do feel those feelings, simply note them and then move ahead and continue your look. Press deeper to go past those feelings - acknowledging that you have them but not letting them derail you from making progress.

This exercise is a good one to do when you have fairly well established values. But it can also be a good tool to discover where you may need to update or clarify your values. 

And, that will be our focus for tomorrow - when do you get to a point where your values are stable? How do you know when your values have stabilized. Don't forget to like, rate, review and share this podcast if it was valuable to you. 

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I am going to walk you through a visualization today. If you are someplace you can close your eyes and that is comfortable for you, please do that. If you would prefer to simply let your gaze soften and look off into the distance, that's certainly okay as well. And, if you're driving - keep those eyes wide and focused no matter what!

Take a long, slow deep breath in. Feel your stomach expand. If your shoulders moved up towards your ears, focus on the next breath with keeping your shoulders in place and pushing that breath all the way into your stomach. Let that first breath out slowly.

Take a second long, slow deep breath. Push the air as far down into your stomach as you can. Now, slowly release that breath and while you do visualize that you are pushing out all the negative energy you feel in your body with that breath.

Spend a moment finding a treasured and happy memory. If you are a Harry Potter fan, this is what you'd think to conjure your Patronus. If your life is not rich with happy memories, think of your most exciting dream or goal. Once you've decided on your memory or your dream, let it sink deeply into your mind.

I want you to explore this memory or dream and make it as vivid and real as possible.

• What do you see? What colors are really bold? Or are the colors more muted? Is there a mixture?
• What do you smell? Does that smell evoke any other memories?
• What do you hear? Is there music playing? A conversation happening? A comforting background noise?
• Who is with you? How did you all arrive where you were? Are there animals around?
• Where are you? What does the sky look like? What does the ground feel like under your feet? Or perhaps you're seated somewhere? What does that feel like?
• What is the weather? Is it cold or warm? Is the sun shining? Is it night? What does the sky look like?
• What are you wearing? Something new? Perhaps an old favorite?
• What do you have with you? Describe the objects that you can see. Can you touch them? What do they feel like?
• Are you eating or drinking something? How does it taste?

Spend a few minutes after the visualization capturing some thoughts in a journal, a computer file, or even the voice recorder on your phone. What words or phrases come to mind? What surprised you or invited you in the most? What fears did you feel? Even our happiest memories may evoke fear or worry. That's okay. Just note the feelings for now.

As you feel ready to do so, look at what you've written and see if any words or thoughts come to you as guiding elements of your life - of values you want to make a part of your core.

As you return to your normal daily activities, close your eyes again and slowly take three long, deep breaths in and out. Controlling our breathing is one of the easiest tools we have to hack our own brains and remind the fight or flight part our brains that we are safe because we can still control our breathing.

I hope that this exercise helped you focus on something joyful and happy today - even if only for a few minutes.

• Did it lead to any discoveries about what your values are?
• If you already know your values, did it help you fine tune them at all?

Once we know our values, they don't change all that often but we do need to check in with them from time to time. That, is a subject we'll talk about on tomorrow's episode. Until then, Don't forget to like, rate, review and share this podcast if it was valuable to you. Do you want to make sure you get every episode as well as everything else I publish? If so, join my newsletter at https://iwannabemewhenigrowup.substack.com/. I'll

Don't forget to subscribe, rate/review and, most importantly, share this episode. And, join the community of like minded folks who want to become more authentic as they grow up by subscribing to the I Wanna Be Me When I Grow Up newsletter at https://iwannabemewhenigrowup.substack.com/.

A few weeks ago, I wrote an article in my newsletter introducing the acronym GATE. Today, I'm going to share that acronym with you and expand on it a bit. And, it's time for me to introduce Kona the pup to you because you'll hear about him a lot on this podcast. He's one of my best teachers.

I live in a lovely little ranch style condominium. Most of the outdoor care is done by the condo association but I am free to have a small patio garden and some containers with flowers and plants around the house.

Each summer, I put out a few tomato and cucumber plants and try to play around with flowers and a few extra garden plants.

This past summer, I watered the plants nearly every evening since it was a very dry summer. As I watered the garden, I let Kona roam around using the 20 foot leash which was connected to the fence.

Kona is my exuberant little 25 lb black miniature double doodle - or as my best friend says - a bougie dog. Kona loves all people and just wants to play and express his love for everyone. He does that, chases balls, eats and then spends the rest of his days sleeping to rest up for his next adventures.

My plan with Kona's 20 foot leash worked great all summer _until_ one day in early September when a combination of exposure to the sun and the elements - and seeing our neighbor dog Jack (a Yorkie who doesn't give Kona the time of day) - caused Kona to break that leash in two. Happily Jack's only injuries in the entire event were emotional.

So, I finally caved and bought one of those metal tie outs leashes. I've always thought it was overkill for my little 25-ish pound doodle, but apparently Kona needs stronger boundaries than a canvas leash exposed to the elements can provide.

The old leash was 20 feet so I assumed adding 10 feet would give him enough wiggle room he could get around to where he needed to - even with it now staked to the ground - so I ordered a 30 foot line. I introduced it to him in our front yard with his favorite tennis ball. Even though I was careful to throw the ball far less than even 20 feet - he still hit the end of this new line at top speed a few more times than either of us would like at first. And that made him skiddish to even go after the ball sometimes.

As I watched Kona adjusting to his new boundaries it helped me see something about boundaries. His boundaries are clearly defined to me and I tried very hard to help him respect them. However, to him, the exact boundaries are unclear and it takes a lot of trial and error - and even the occasional literal pain in the neck as he hit the end of that line at top speed.

From the outside looking in, it's easy to say to someone that they need to define their boundaries but from the inside, finding where those boundaries should be isn't all that easy.

When we are trying to set our boundaries in life, our lines are much less clear than a 30 foot steel cable. As I was trying to think of how we might identify those boundaries more readily the acronym GATE emerged.

• Goals - Is what you're being asked to do or what you are considering doing aligned with your values-based goals? If not, then it should be outside of your boundaries and you should say no if at all possible.
• Attention - Is this something you'd normally give your attention to if you weren't being asked to/required to? If not, how can you move it/keep it outside of your boundaries?
• Time- Does this occur at a time that aligns with your values for how you spend your time? If not, how can you move it to a time that does or decline the opportunity in an appropriate manner?
• Energy - Does the th

In this episode, you will learn the origin story of the episode. For a close to accurate transcript, continue reading.

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Hi everyone. My name is Kara. I'm a recovering workaholic who launched my own consulting firm in February of 2022 - just about 10 months ago if you are listening to this as it is being released. The last 10 months have  allowed me to live my life motto in a way I've never been able to before...but I'm getting ahead of myself. Let me tell you how my life motto found me.

This is the origin story.

I was in Chicago, IL for a conference somewhere around 2005. It was definitely March or April because I was there for a conference and this specific conference is always in March or April - so it was certainly not warm in Chicago. However, it was nice enough on this particular Saturday morning that I decided to go for a walk outside before the conference started. 

I left the Hyatt Regency Chicago and walked down N Stetson Avenue towards Millennium Park. Cloud Gate - the mirror ball - esque art sculpture wasn't there yet but was under construction and I had heard some of the attempts to block access to the usually open and accessible public park in Chicago and I wanted to see what the fuss was about.

If you've ever walked here, you know that there are a multitude of non-descript skyscrapers in the area. It's like walking through a valley of a concrete and brick canyon.

Walking through the street with these skyscrapers towering above can easily make me feel lost and removed from the experience. To stay grounded I like to look in the windows of the buildings. 

On this specific morning, I glanced in one of those looming anonymous skyscrapers and saw this graffiti style art hanging on the wall. The graffiti style drew me in first. But then I read the words and my soul knew it found its guiding mantra. The words were "I Wanna Be Me When I Grow Up".

And, these words immediately became my life mantra. I use the phrase, "I Wanna Be Me When I Grow Up" as my identity in many places online including my newsletter, my personal website, and now this podcast. 

This podcast is where I will share some of the articles I publish on those sites - usually with expanded content that's more exciting to me to speak than to write. I hope you join me in this next phase of my journey learning to be me when I grow up. 

Please subscribe to the podcast wherever you listen and if you'd like to get my newsletter, join us at https://iwannabemewhenigrowup.substack.com/. Every episode will also be linked there. 

Welcome to the trailer for the podcast that accompanies and enhances my newsletter at https://iwannabemewhenigrowup.substack.com/. Subscribe there to never miss an episode and the notes that accompany episodes. Subscribe to the podcast in your favorite podcast subscription tool