Married Life with Jack and Nicole

I never imagined getting married again after losing my lovely wife Pam of over 30 years. But...God had other plans and brought this beautiful Kenyan woman named Nicole into my life. No, we did not meet online or through a catalogue, ha! ha! We actually met in church in Phoenix. What started as a friendship, developed into love and eventually we got married. We both are very happy and despite our age, race and cultural differences it manages to work. In this show we talk a little about some of those cultural differences and the fun they can provide.

I'll be the first to admit that leaving Phoenix for Alabama has been more of struggle for me than Nicole. She absolutely loves it, while It's going to take some time for me.

Moving to Alabama may be the craziest thing I've every done, but Nicole is convinced this is where we need to be.

Following the loss of my wife Pam in 2019 I spent a lot of time thinking I needed to meet someone. After all, I'd been with Pam since high school and married for over 30 years. But a funny thing happened. I learned to be single. It was not easy and there were plenty of lonely days and nights. However, I kept pushing forward and told God if I needed to be alone the rest of my days, that would be just fine. No sooner had I accepted this as my fate in life I met this beautiful woman in church during my 4th year of widowhood. Her name was Nicole and she changed my life for the better. In today's episode we share our story of how we met, started a friendship that turned to love and eventually marriage.

A little over a year ago I met a woman in church from Kenya. We quickly hit it off and became friends. We starting spending our weekends together hiking, going to ball games, visiting wineries. You name it, we simply enjoyed being with one another. As I headed into my 5th year of being widowed I swore I would never fall in love again. However, God had other plans.

I'm now going towards my 5th year of having lost the love of my live Pam. For most of this time I had decided life would and needed to be spent alone until the day I was called to heaven. However, something totally unexpected happened. I met a woman who has changed my life and I now look forward to the days ahead. This woman does not fit inside the proverbial "box". In fact our relationship in general does not fit inside the "box". However, it works and has become something I never expected.

I'm going into my 5th year of being a widow and always thought there was no possible way I would ever consider falling in love again. You see, my sweet Pam and I were best friends from high school, married in college and then had over 30 years together raising two great kids while living in multiple cities and states across the country. However, just when I least expected it I met someone special. When I say special, I mean special and she certainly does not fit the box of what most may have visualized for me. She's several years younger and from another country. We met at church about a year ago and what started as a friendship slowly developed into love. To say she has changed my life is an understatement. Here's a brief story about she has changed my life for the better with more to come in the future.

My wife Pam and I did just about everything together. We hiked, we fished, dined, traveled...the list goes on an on. We were truly a match made in heaven. One of our other activities we enjoyed was playing golf. When I lost Pam to heaven it was hard for met to get back on the course without my playing partner. However, now I get out an play at least once or twice a week. And recently I discovered a way to have Pam involved with me despite her not being here on earth anymore.

The widow life has many challenges. Among those challenges can be making decisions about where you want to live. Do you stay where you are? Do you move closer to your kids and family? Do you move somewhere completely different? What makes it harder is that you don't have your spouse to help with decisions anymore. In this video, I offer some suggestions that may help.

We often hear people talk about listening to God. However, we're all guilty of not being good listeners sometimes. But, on this particular day, I listened to God, and the results were amazing.

This is day number 1,451 of my grief journey. I mean it's been 1,451 days or almost 4 years since Pam was called to heaven. With each day I learn something knew about moving forward.

I continue my grief journey with an update on a recent visit back to our favorite place on earth in day number 1,443 of my grief journey.

Why should you listen to a widower give advice about getting married? Well, this widower had a great marriage and absolutely no regrets.

While out on the golf course recently I ran into an older lady sitting outside her home on the course. After a short conversation I continued my round of golf just shaking my head and coming to the conclusion that God does have a sense of humor. Although sometimes it does seem a little warped. Listen and you'll find out why I say this.

It's now been over 3 years and fast approaching 4 since I lost the love of my life. The road has been filled with potholes as I try my best to navigate this thing called grief. In this program I share some stories of loss involving my grandparents and when my grandmothers lost their spouses, (my grandfathers). I also talk about how I'm doing now and what the future is starting to look like.

Dreams come in many shapes and forms. But not all dreams are while you are sleeping. Many dreams are in our minds and we replay them time after time wondering what if? Today, I'm talking about making dreams become reality.

I don't know about you, but ever since I lost my sweet wife Pam I find it challenging to focus on things like work, tv shows, movies etc. However, when I find something that brings a bit of joy I find focus improves. An example was I found a movie recently called "Begin Again" and I'm hooked on the soundtrack. In this episode I talk briefly about finding some joy but I also share with you a portion of the music which I hope you will agree is really good.

Randy Alcorn wrote the book 50 Days of Heaven. His writings have offered peace and comfort to millions around the world at times of loss. Recently, Randy lost his sweet wife Nanci to heaven. I ran across a piece he wrote regarding how the loss impacted his life and I wanted to share it with you.

Dreams come in many shapes and forms. But not all dreams are while you are sleeping. Many dreams are in our minds and we replay them time after time wondering what if? Today, I'm talking about making dreams become reality.

Widowed and weekends can provide challenges. We often feel so alone and have a hard time finding direction... especially on weekends. However, I had an unusually good weekend recently, thanks to opening my mind and heart up to possibilities.

I recently became the subject for a short film by a University of Southern California film student who wanted to share what life being widowed looks like. I think this young man did a great job capturing how painful this walk can be.

When it comes to grief and loss the situation is different for every individual. However, some of your friends and family members may think they know what's best for you. However, when it comes to advice, I always tell someone unless I ask, please keep your opinions to yourself.

Is the economy improving in your world? According to the current administration, it is. However, in my world, the widowed world, I'm not seeing it.

When we have lost a loved one we often hang on to things that bring us joy. However, sometimes we have things around that while they may have pleasant memories attached they can also lead to feelings of sadness. In my case, some simple beach chairs hanging in our garage provided both feelings and finally I decided it was time to let them go. It was hard, but maybe you have something like those beach chairs at your home that may need to go as well.

It was Father's Day and the tempation to have a pity party was pretty strong. However, I decided not to give in to the temptation and decided to go to Church. Church without Pam has proved to be challenging but recently I've started attending a Church that actually feels pretty good. However, making friends at this stage in life is proving to be a challenge. Today though was not one of those days as I met the most lovely person who comes from halfway around the world. I hope you enjoy the story.

Often times when we are going thru grief we talk about going thru seasons. For me, I often feel like my life is lost in the desert. However, even in the desert there are signs of life.

Many times on our grief journey we may simply want to give up. Our mind may drift into some dark areas like suicide or simply withdrawing from friends and family. We are tempted to become isolated. However, all these thoughts don't mean your crazy. You're just normal. However, if you find yourself trapped in these thougths please contact a profesional for further help and support.

Loneliness is not just a problem for those that have lost loved ones. Recent studies indicate the problem of Loneliness is spreading throughout society. We know now that the lockdowns and isolation during the pandemic did nobody any favors and the damage will likely be felt for many years. For me personally, my Loneliness comes from not having my Pam with me anymore. Days like today the pain feels more intense. I'm told it's just part of the grief journey. But, like many of you, I'm tired of it.

On a recent flight from Washington DC via Columbus, Ohio to Phoenix, Arizona I was seated with a younger woman and a man who was closer to my age. We all came from completely different backgrounds and had some different views on life. However, over the course of a long 4 hour flight these three complete strangers became friends and shared some very deep and personal stories. I hope you will take time to listen.

That's right, God sent me into a bar where he had arranged a very special meeting for me. This is truly a message of having purpose in helping others.

We often hear people tell stories about hearing from God. Now I've never actually heard the voice of God but do believe God sends messengers. One such messenger appeared be fore me while hiking in a small city park in Phoenix.

We often hear people say they experienced an unexpeted blessing. It could be thru a financial gift, a job promotion or maybe simply tickets to a ball game. But then again I believe blessings can come in the form of unexpcted meetings with people which is the focus of this podcast.

It seems that anyone that has suffered loss always dread special dates. Whether it be an anniversary, mother or father's day, birthday, date of death, date of birth. You name it, were surrounded by dates that can be triggers. However, after I lost Pam I made it my mission to not dread those special dates but instead to make them celebrations. This year I chose a couple of things to help celebrate Pam's birthday, including a little music from Daughtry.

The life of a widow can be complicated at times as we learn to navigate life alone. For some, they find comfort living and being around their kids. For others, it friends and other family members. For me, I find a combination of the two is the right balance for me at this stage in life. Of course later on my tune may change. Take a listen and let me hear your thoughts as well. Leave a review too on your favorite podcast provider if you have a moment. Thank you!

We often talk about grief triggers. Some can be happy and some are sad. Triggers can come from any number of things. Pam and I loved an NBC serires called "Ed". It was basically a comedy about a young lawyer coming back to his home town to run a bowling alley while also practicing law from an office inside the alley. While the show was filled with laughs it also had some very sweet storylines. I ran across this one particular episode that ended up being a huge trigger for me that led to a mountain of tears.

One of the challenges of being widowed is learning how to navigate the single life which is something I've not been part of for over 30 years. We all need a feeling of community and in a couples world that can be difficult. I first thought church would be my best option but I've quickly come to learn that may be the toughest place while there are other options that have proven to be much better.

Life can be hard and even harder when we are going thru the loss of a loved one. Often times it's like climbing a mountain. But, there is hope.

In this episode we talk about the quiet times, should I get a dog, what keeps me busy and why does the weight of being widowed never seem to leave.

It's estimated that 7 out of every 10 adults or 70% of the adult population use some form of social media. Of course there are studies that show the some of the negative effects of social media while at the same time there are some positives. In fact, when it comes to being widowed I've discovered a benefit to social media of the past, present and future.

I recently read a study on widowed people in the United States and was a bit surprised at the findings. With that in mind, I decided to do a little research of my own.

In part 2 of Facing Loneliness I share with you an amzing ending to the orginal story regarding my trip to a spring training game and unable to fine anyone to attend with me. Since high school and for 37 years that followed I always had my sweet Pam with me to do life with. For a time when the kids were home it was three, then four of us doing life together. After the kids left, no empty nest syndrone. Instead we were like newlyweds and having a blast. Then...God calls her home before we even get a chance to enjoy those so called "Golden Years" together. Now, it's just me most of the time and I miss my best friend, lover and wife. No need to sugarcoat it, I'm lonely sometimes and it can be tough to battle thru. However, I manage to keep moving forward.

Since high school and for 37 years that followed I always had my sweet Pam with me to do life with. For a time when the kids were home it was three, then four of us doing life together. After the kids left, no empty nest syndrone. Instead we were like newlyweds and having a blast. Then...God calls her home before we even get a chance to enjoy those so called "Golden Years" together. Now, it's just me most of the time and I miss my best friend, lover and wife. No need to sugarcoat it, I'm lonely sometimes and it can be tough to battle thru. However, I manage to keep moving forward.

This was recorded while on a hike in the Phoenix Mountain preserve so audio may not be highest quality. However, it's a short and important message. It's been 3+ years since I lost the love of my life. Is it easy? Have I learned how to keep moving forward? I don't have all the answers. However, I do know one thing. I don't want to be a professional widower.

More significant dates on the calendar and for widows and widowers those special dates can be challenging. However, I've got some tips that may help...at least they do for me.

Never in my life had I experienced anxiety until after I lost my sweet wife Pam. For that matter, to my knowledge nobody in our family ever suffered from anxiety. It is absolutely a mystery how it comes on and causes the brain to go round and round in circles while the body seems to have a need to be in constant motion. Thankfully, I'm found some ways to over these attacks of anxiety. However, it does take some effort and will generally not just go away on its own.

To some it may sound crazy but to me it makes perfect sense. I still talk to Pam on a daily basis and sometimes it makes me cry. But...let me stress it's not necessarily a bad cry. Believe it or not, there is such a thing as good cry.

Hard to believe but I've past the three year mark since losing my the love of my life, my beautiful wife Pam. Now I lost another love of my life, our adopted grandmother Lola. But Lola left behind a beautiful legacy of survival thru loss.

I often wonder if anyone actually reads the show description or do you simply look at the title to decide if you are going to watch. If just go by the title you may be suprised by what is included in this episode. Do you avoid putting up Christmas decorations because you are overcome with grief? Do you dread the holiday season? Why even try? Believe it or not, I'm going to talk about all of these things as well as letter/poem from heaven. Thanks for listening.