The Non-Anxious Leader Podcast

Daniel Goleman is known for his Emotional Intelligence work. He described six leadership styles and when to use them. This episode interprets them from a family systems perspective.

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The polarized presidential election is a major source of anxiety this year. Here's how you can buck the trend.

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Non-anxious leaders know how to take a healthy stand with those who make them anxious. Understanding non-violent communication can help.

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Emotional intelligence and self-differentiation go hand-in-hand. Here are six ways EQ can help you be a non-anxious leader.

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Learning to self-differentiate in anxious situations doesn't come naturally. Understanding the science of performing under pressure can help.

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When we diagnose others, we avoid taking responsibility for self. Here's what that looks like and how we can do things better.

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Many leaders who want to make an impact are people pleasers. Yet, this leads to over commitment and overwhelm. Here's how to stop.

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Non-anxious leaders have a confidence that is based in knowing their goals and values, as well as embracing humility, curiousity and courage. This is both attractive and influential. Here’s how it works.

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Complaining is not helpful to you or those you lead. Here's how to stop.

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This episode explores why parents are so annoying to their children from a family systems standpoint. Understanding how to do things differently will make you a better parent and leader.

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Patrick Lencioni's book, The Five Dysfunctions of a Team, helps you understand what makes for ineffective and effective teams. This episode tells you what you can do about it.

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We use psychological avoidance to manage anxiety, yet it actually makes things worse. Here's how to recognize it and address it.

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Taking responsibility for self means not making assumptions about others are thinking. Here's what that looks like and how to do things differently.

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Self-differentiation is complicated. My own experience with my mother illustrates this.

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Knowing the characteristics of a chronically anxious system, as well as the principles of leadership through self-differentiation makes all the difference.

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Edwin Friedman's last book, A Failure of Nerve: Leadership in the Age of the Quick Fix, challenges us to lead differently. Here's how.

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I'm not a fan of New Year's resolutions. I AM a fan of getting better each year. Here's why and what has helped me.

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Overfunctioning and Underfunctioning go hand in hand. Here's what that looks like, as well as how you can find the sweet spot that creates healthy emotional space.

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Leadership and social norms are the two most important factors in organizational culture. Here's what you can do to improve yours.

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Guilt is not necessarily a bad thing. Knowing when it is or isn't can help you better self-differentiate.

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Seventy-six percent of people nearing the end of their lives say their biggest regret was living their lives according to other people and their expectations. This is surrounding togetherness pressure. Here’s what you can do about it.

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My apologies, as there are two spots in the episode where one channel drops out briefly.

Self-differentiation doesn’t happen automatically. It’s even harder during the holidays when surrounding togetherness pressure can be high. This episode covers a four-step process that can help you remain a non-anxious presence when you express what you believe, feel, want and need.

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You can't make another person responsible. If you're trying, you're likely doing it wrong. Here's why and how you can do better.

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The family systems concept of symmetry can help you observe and even predict patterns of functioning in a relationship system. It can also point toward where to find answers about system anxiety.

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Relationship systems get stuck when surrounding togetherness pressure makes it difficult for people to disagree. Here's what that looks like and how non-anxious leaders can create a culture of healthy disagreement.

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What do you do when you respond to another in ways that are hurtful? This episode shows that you can not only repair the relationship, you can make it better.

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Self-differentiation means that you are able to manage your own anxiety without involving others. This episode unpacks what this does (and doesn't) look like.

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Nobody lives in a vacuum. Surrounding togetherness pressure influences people in both negative and positive ways. Here’s how you, as a leader, can use it to make things better.

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Leadership through self-differentiation is counterintuitive. Here are five evidence-based reasons why it’s effective.

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A paradox in leadership is that we think we can control more than we actually can. This leads to micromanaging, which is more damaging than helpful. This episode shows how leadership through self-differentiation is different and more effective.

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The functioning of any relationship system is dependent on the level of self-differentiation among its members. In this two-part episode, I unpack a schema developed by Daniel V. Papero of the Bowen Center for the Study of the Family.

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The functioning of any relationship system is dependent on the level of self-differentiation among its members. In this two-part episode, I unpack a schema developed by Daniel V. Papero of the Bowen Center for the Study of the Family.

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Your self-talk is important. It can either hold you back or move you forward. Self-differentiation can increase when you change these five phrases.

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Whether it's raising kids or leading an organization, a non-anxious leader is interdependent, not independent. This episode covers why that matters and how you can do better.

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There is a sweet spot in self-differentiation between defining self and staying emotionally connected. When we go astray, we end up trying to change others or letting others change us. This episode shows you how you can do better.

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Our movement toward "therapeutic culture" has made people less resilient. This episode explains how that happened and what you can do about it as a leader.

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Self-differentiation requires the ability to self-regulate, then act in accordance with your goals and values. Here's how mindfulness can help you do this.

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Self-differentiation is more than just being a non-anxious presence in anxious situations. It’s about building deeper, healthier relationships. This episode shows you how.

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Many, if not most of us, procrastinate. However, for some this can really be disruptive. Psychologists suggest that childhood trauma can be at the root of procrastination. This episode unpacks that concept from a family systems perspective.

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Non-anxious leaders know the importance of boundaries and how to set them. This episode can help you do this better.

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Self-differentiating, taking responsibility for self, can be hard when others respond by defining and blaming you. This is sabotage. Here are three steps to respond effectively.

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According to Edwin Friedman, one of the characteristics of a chronically anxious society is the desire to seek safety instead of adventure. Non-anxious leaders seek adventure and learn to love it. Here's how.

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We often focus on what others should be doing as a way to manage our own anxiety and avoid taking responsibility for self. Here's what defining others looks like and how we can do better.

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How often does surrounding togetherness pressure cause you to second guess yourself? Self-differentiation increases confidence because you trust yourself more. Here's how it works.

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We were planning to host our family over Memorial Day Weekend for my Mom's 100th Birthday when my wife and I tested postive for COVID. Here's how we handled it.

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If you want to make an impact, you have do things that are important, but not urgent. This means being able to say "No" to many things. Here's how to do it.

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Non-anxious leaders know how to create and maintain healthy emotional space in their relationships. This episode explains what that is, why it's important and how to do it.

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An emotionally mature culture is a non-anxious culture. Systems that function this way are more resilient and adaptive in the face of inevitable challenges. Here's how you can foster this kind of culture.

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Edwin Friedman described five characteristics of systems that promote burnout among their leaders. Understanding this can help you avoid the same fate. Part 1 goes through the characteristics. Part 2 helps leaders respond appropriately.

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Edwin Friedman described five characteristics of systems that promote burnout among their leaders. Understanding this can help you avoid the same fate. Part 1 goes through the characteristics. Part 2 helps leaders respond appropriately.

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