Born to Thrive with Jamie Lee

Ep.3 Traps of Perfectionism & Itty Bitty Shouldy Committee

An episode of Born to Thrive with Jamie Lee

By Born to Thrive with Jamie Lee
Welcome to the Born to Thrive with Jamie Lee podcast, where I present ideas, tips and tools to help ambitious people become bolder, braver and better paid.
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Ep.43 How to Embrace Discomfort to Become Unstoppable as a Negotiator
Please enjoy this special episode - a replay of my Bolder, Braver, and Better Paid: Coaching Live session recorded on November 14, 2018. I shared: - #1 secret to becoming unstoppable as a negotiator - The impact of neurotransmitters on our feelings, thoughts, and results - The root of all behavior and how to influence others - Why embracing the balance of emotions is key to success - How to create intentional beliefs so that you can become bolder, braver, and better paid In the second half, I coached a naturopathic doctor who is struggling to articulate her value to potential clients and helped her identify her philosophy and reconnect with her confidence. To sign up for future sessions, go to: If you'd like to join the next upcoming session on
November 16, 2018
Ep.42 Future Focus and Goal Shame
“Why do you need to articulate your future potential as part of your negotiation strategy?” I address this question and explain the importance of future focus for you, for your negotiation, and for your leadership. I share my updates for 2018 “Wild and Improbable” Goals and how I am dealing with the shame of not yet having achieved my ambitious goals. Thriving is not about being “happy-happy-joy-joy” 100% of the time. In order to thrive, you need to embrace the pain of growing and the sting of rejection and shame. To learn more about my small group mastermind, go to
November 9, 2018
Ep.41 The People-Pleasing Trap
How differently would you show up to ask for help, work, or money if you didn't have the need to please people? My bet is that you'd be bolder, braver, and as a result, better paid. I have a lot of experience with the people-pleasing trap, because I'm a recovering people-pleaser. In this episode, I explain how this fear of displeasing others holds us back from asking, receiving, and thriving. You'll learn: - Why and how the life-long training to please others started - Why our brains confuse other people's displeasure as a threat - Why it's impossible to please others with who we are, what we say, or what we do - Three ways we can get triggered to sabotage our outcomes - Three ways we can work ourselves out of the people-pleasing trap - Five of my recurring stressful thoughts around pleasing people - How I turn these thoughts around to instill a new mindset of growth, appreciation, and confidence Come check out for details on Small Group Mastermind, private coaching, and speaking services.
November 1, 2018
Ep. 40 Six Common Negotiation Mistakes with Vivian Giang
If you're a pragmatic negotiation geek like me, or if you want to improve your negotiation skills so that you can thrive, you won't want to miss this interview with Vivian Giang. Vivian is a business writer covering how the changing workplace has impacted the way we work and live, in areas related to automation, robotics, team dynamics, executive leadership, and management. She asks, "How do you navigate these waters while also creating credibility and relevance?" She writes about these topics for business publications, like Fast Company, Fortune, Quartz, Dealbreaker, and Marie Claire. In this value-packed conversation, Vivian and I addressed each of the six common negotiation mistakes as highlighted in this Fast Company article: We discussed: - Why it's important to start with your why before asking for the what - The impact of anchoring effect on the bargaining range - How making assumptions creates negotiation pitfalls - Why you may not want to accept the first offer - How to differentiate between short-term and long-term wins - How negotiators can prepare strategically to avoid these mistakes You can find Vivian on Twitter at @vivian_giang. You can learn more about my negotiation coaching and training services here
October 26, 2018
Ep. 39 How Ambitious People Overcome Anxiety and Burnout
Though I believe we are all born to thrive, I know there are days when that truth can feel like a lie, because of anxiety. We experience anxiety more acutely when we most need our courage to brave a high-stakes conversation like negotiation. In this valuable conversation with Dr. Maya Borgueta, a clinical psychologist and founder of Stella Nova Psychology, we explored: - Why it's important to be prepared to know your worth at any time during job interview process - What purpose anxiety serves - Why it's not an emotion you need to avoid or push away - How to manage your anxiety level in a simple, yet powerful way - What self-compassion has to do with managing our anxiety - How to recognize burnout - Steps to take to address burnout Learn more about Dr. Maya Borgueta on
October 19, 2018
Bonus: A Thousand Names for Joy
In this bonus episode, I read chapter 42 from Byron Katie’s book - A Thousand Names for Joy.
October 16, 2018
Ep. 38 Money is Easy
I share my own experiences in holding on to limiting beliefs about money and explain some new beliefs about money, value, and self-worth. What new and better story can you tell about money so that it can flow into your life like water?
October 12, 2018
Ep. 37 How to Negotiate a Career Pivot with Lisa Lewis
If you are ambitious and analytical, and if you want to grow your career through strategic pivots, you won't want to miss this value-packed conversation with career change coach Lisa Lewis. Lisa Lewis is a career change coach helping ambitious, analytical individuals feeling stuck in their current jobs find different work that “fits” who they are. She does this by helping you clarify who you are, what you want most, what a great job for you looks like so you can make your career transition in the easiest way possible. In this conversation, Lisa shares how she successfully negotiated a career pivot with a $10K increase in salary offer. (Listen carefully for the word-by-word script!) We also explore how the growth mindset can help ambitious people like you overcome the trap of perfectionism so you can embrace change, risk, growth, learning and joy. Learn more about Lisa here:  Watch the Carol Dweck's TED talk here:
October 5, 2018
Mac's List Interview: How to Manage Emotions in Negotiation
This is my interview on Mac's List podcast "Find Your Dream Job." When preparing for a negotiation, especially about money, people are often told that their feelings don’t matter. We are warned to not get emotional at the negotiating table. Women are seen as emotional while men are seen as rational thinkers and therefore better negotiators. But are your feelings truly a weakness when it comes to salary negotiations? On this episode of the Find Your Dream Job podcast, Jamie Lee helps us understand why we should pay attention to our feelings and why emotion has a place in business conversations. Recommended Reading: Jamie encourages our listeners to check out this book written by psychiatrist turned negotiation trainer, Mark Goulston, “Just Listen.”
September 28, 2018
Ep. 36 How to Avoid the Trap of Imposter Syndrome
One of the most insidious traps in negotiation is the impostor syndrome. If you’ve ever struggled with feeling like you are good enough, or if you’ve sabotaged your outcomes because of imposter syndrome, you won’t want to miss this episode. I walk you through the root of behavior that generates our results and concrete steps you can take to shift your mindset, from a place of lack to one of abundance, confidence, and power.
September 21, 2018
Ep. 35 Three Key Principles for Negotiating as a Leader
It's no coincidence that the principles behind interest-based negotiation framework dovetail with time-proven leadership principles. 1. Success is 80% mindset and 20% tactics. My clients are applying this insight to reinvent their lives and careers from stifling to thriving. Success is an inside job. 2. Ask open questions to understand their why before seeking to be understood. Far from being "nice," this is a powerful strategy that enables my clients to win over a room of naysayers, flip no to yes, and turn transactions into transformational conversations. 3. Be ready to tell a new story. My career changed when I stopped telling myself, "I can't do it," and started saying, "I will walk the talk I give." What new story will you tell? Come to for future webinar updates and more.
September 13, 2018
Ep. 34 What If You Lowballed Yourself? #SalaryNegotiation
What if you took the job without asking for more? What if you find out only later that you’re getting paid under-market rate? I’ve done this a few times early in my career. In this episode, I share my own experience, insights into shifting your mindset, and concrete strategies and script for renegotiating your pay by articulating your value with confidence and framing for mutual benefit. Please register for next week’s free webinar (9/12/18, 12pm EST) here:
September 6, 2018
Ep. 33 Webinar recap: How to Deal with "Difficult" People
With webinar series "Bolder, Braver, and Better Paid," I am working towards my mission of helping women double their income and impact. This is a quick recap of the kick-off webinar "How to Win Over Difficult People." I give an example from my own life, when I felt that my manager was difficult, that he had power over me, and that I wasn't given the chance to speak at meetings. Download the one-page PDF of open questions here:
August 30, 2018
Ep.32 Interview with Eric Kohner: How to Take a Stand #MeToo
Eric Kohner is an ally who taught me how to coach -- which I love not only because it's a grand way to make a living, but also because coaching skills are at the intersection of leadership and negotiation skills. Eric is also an internationally recognized executive coach and keynote speaker. He founded eKCosystem, a global corporate training company dedicated to bringing HUMAN BEING into business, because “in today’s highly competitive world, the new hard skills are the heart skills.” In this interview, Eric shared personal stories of: - How he negotiated a conflict with his employer, from anger and resistance to connection and vulnerability - How he encountered unconscious bias in the most unlikely of places and gained empathy for the marginalized - How he took a stand for himself and you can, too, in the era of #MeToo so we can press for progress. Learn more about Eric's work here: Or reach him directly via email here:
August 21, 2018
Ep. 31 Jay Fields: How to Use the Brain in Your Body
Jay Fields is a somatic educator and therapeutic coach who teaches women how to regulate their nervous systems -- or "the brain the body" -- so they can manage anxiety and difficult emotions with empathy and connection. In this impactful interview, Jay walks me through exactly what happens in our bodies, our brains, our nervous systems, and in our behavior when we encounter negative emotions like anxiety in the moment of a high-stakes conversation. We explored: - How to deal with anxiety in the moment of negotiating without freezing, fleeing or fighting - How to manage negative emotions so they don't sabotage your outcomes - What it means to have your own back and the power it gives you to name the "elephant" in a negotiation - How to get better at setting boundaries and saying no with confidence and strength Learn more about Jay here:
August 13, 2018
Ep. 30 Interview with Lisa Gates: How to Name the Elephant.
Lisa Gates is my good friend and mentor who taught me nearly everything I know about teaching negotiation to professional women. She's also the co-founder and chief inspiration officer of She Negotiates, a leading negotiation consulting and leadership coaching company for women. In this interview, she shares timeless tips and pearls of wisdom on how women can cut through unconscious bias in the workplace, lead the conversation, and signal their potential for career advancement through storytelling. Learn more about She Negotiates at
August 3, 2018
Ep. 29 Eight steps to coaching yourself to a promotion
Take twenty minutes to brainstorm on your promotion strategy. What strengths do you bring to the table? What expresses the unique value of you? Who do you need to become to be leadership potential? I present step-by-step, easy-to-follow self-coaching process to help set the optimal direction for your custom strategy.
July 25, 2018
Ep.28 Interview with Simon Brady, CFP: How True are Truisms?
Simon Brady, CFP® is founder and principal of Anglia Advisors, a fee-only personal financial planning and investment management firm in New York specializing in a clientele of younger professionals in their 20s, 30s and early 40s as well as foreign nationals based in the US. He also hosts the Angles, The Anglia Advisors Podcast, on Anchor. If you are a working woman, if you are in a domestic partnership or marriage, or if you have children or family that you want to take care of, you won't want to miss this interview. We explored: - How and why women tend to be better investors than men - The dangerous assumptions people often make in a domestic partnership or marriage - How money or taxes have little to do with estate planning - What to do today to ensure the best possible outcomes for your loved ones in case of worst case scenarios - What the best kinds of investments are if you are a young professional ...and so much more
July 18, 2018
Ep. 27 Script and Strategy: Leverage an Offer to Get Another
How do you leverage a job offer to get and then to improve another offer from the company you most want to work with? How do you do that in a way that enhances your relationships and reputation? The script I offer here addresses these questions and provides a clear step-by-step strategy for using your leverage for maximum benefit. Here's the full transcription of script and strategy: Also check out Haseeb Qureshi's excellent article, "How not to bomb your offer negotiation" here:
July 9, 2018
Ep.26 Your Future Potential
What is your future potential? What are you doing about it? There are three types of responses to this question: 1. Avoid thinking about your future potential out of fear of disappointment 2. Define your present and future by your past 3. Own your future and embrace that path to actualizing your future potential is paved with failure. In this episode I share what it means to have future potential, how to take action to fulfill your future potential, and examples from my life and from my coaching practice. “The future belongs to those who believe in the beauty of their dreams.” - Eleanor Roosevelt
June 28, 2018
Ep. 25 Interview with Erin Davis, Change Agent and Connector
Erin Davis is Director of Global Talent Engagement at Stantec, an international design and consulting company headquartered in Canada. Erin connects with individuals, teams, and the community to talk about why inclusion and diversity are key differentiators for business success. Erin is a founding member of Works for Women, a group dedicated to making Alberta a better place for women to work. She also co-founded The Confidence Retreat, which brought a group of successful women together to talk about career strategy and help them outside their comfort zones. We discussed: - What it takes to negotiate successfully for our careers - How to engage in conversations that win allies in the workplace - What large leading companies like Stantec are doing to close the gender gap ...and so much more Learn more about Works for women here: Learn more about The Confidence Retreat here:
June 21, 2018
Ep.24 Yes Lives in the Land of No
We are often afraid of asking for what we want because we dread hearing no. What if we operated under the assumption that “yes lives in the land of no?” I share some of my deepest fears, recent client successes and misses that demonstrate that yes, “yes lives in the land of no.”
June 13, 2018
Ep. 23 Big Embarrassing Mistake And Pitfalls of Assumptions
Last month I was in Japan to give a workshop and I made a terrible mistake that had me feeling mortified and embarrassed. In this podcast I share the dirt: what happened, how I recovered, and what I learned from the experience. Assumptions have the power to undermine our communication, negotiation, and leadership. What are three dangerous assumptions that bully us silent and compromise our results? How can we shine light on our cognitive blindspots so that we show up powerfully without making assumptions?
June 5, 2018
Ep. 22: Selena Rezvani on How to Negotiate Meeting Culture
Selena Rezvani is a highly sought-after expert on leadership and negotiation who promotes a more female-friendly workplace culture through her award-winning writing and speaking engagements. If you've ever been told no, if you've ever been cut off at a work meeting, and if you want to close the gender and racial wage gap, you won't want to miss this podcast interview. We discussed: - How responding to “No” can change everything - Why getting a “No” is not a question of IF but WHEN - How you can leverage the power of cognitive dissonance to flip a “No” around - How tiny, everyday way of negotiating meeting culture can have a huge impact on your career - What remains the biggest barrier for women to be heard and respected at meetings - The surprising habit of high-performing, highly collaborative teams - How the latest technology is working to serve women’s voices in the workplace - How to have your say at meetings without giving up or shrinking down ...and so much more
May 16, 2018
Ep. 21 Questioning: It's Unfair I Bungled My Salary Negotiation
In the book The Prosperous Coach, Rich Litvin says, "One advantage of me spending so much of my own life feeling powerless is that I now quickly see how powerful people are." Same here. In this episode, I share my experience bungling a salary negotiation that left me feeling powerless and resentful. I question my own negative beliefs that held me back from speaking up and asking for what I wanted. If you've ever felt small, powerless, and resentful at work, you'll want to check this out.
May 8, 2018
Ep.20 Three Scripts for Sidestepping Illegal Salary Question
The good news: Local governments (CA, OR, MA, DE, Philadelphia, and NYC) are taking the lead in banning salary history question ("What did you make in your last job?") that perpetuates the gender wage gap. The bad news: Bad hiring practices still dominate most of the country. Check out the podcast for three concrete strategies and scripts for sidestepping the dreaded question so you can get paid for your value, not for an irrelevant past.
May 2, 2018
Ep. 19 Tele-class: Negotiating in Emotionally Smart Way
According to Ivy League experts in behavioral psychology, how you *feel* about the negotiation process, partner, and your negotiation capabilities have an outsized impact on your negotiation success. Contrary to popular misconception, emotions rule in negotiation. Smart negotiators prepare a logical case. Masterful negotiators use advanced emotional intelligence to connect with their counterparts in a meaningful way to create durable agreements that unlock benefit for both sides of the table. --- This is an hour-long advanced teleclass for women on the rise, who want to master advanced emotional intelligence so they can negotiate with thriving success. In this tele-class, I teach: - How to deal with negative emotions, so you don't get sidetracked, antagonize your negotiation partner, or sabotage your outcomes. - How to generate positive emotions, so you can create goodwill, enhance your relationship, and generate best possible negotiated agreements.
April 27, 2018
Ep. 18 Katrina Jones: Negotiation Secrets from HR, Diversity & Inclusion Expert
Katrina Jones is an accomplished HR executive and fierce champion for diversity, equality and inclusion. She currently serves as the Director of People & Inclusion at Vimeo and is also an adjunct faculty at NYU Wagner. In this interview, Katrina shares: What do employers think about when they put together an offer to a candidate? What are some of the best salary benchmarking resources? What should women who want to close their wage gaps do? What sets apart the people who excel at negotiating and leading at work? She shares insider's insights, scripts, and timeless strategies for getting what you want and getting ahead at work. Follow Katrina on Twitter: @Katrina_HRM
April 23, 2018
Ep.17 Why We Need to Talk About the “F” Word in Negotiation
“How you feel doesn’t matter.” “Women are emotional and therefore make terrible negotiators.” “Your feelings are a weakness.” All false. To feel is to be human. To have emotional intelligence is to have a secret weapon in a negotiation. I explain the importance of feelings in negotiation and invite you to join me for a free teleclass on using advanced emotional intelligence for negotiation success. Go to for details and to register.
April 17, 2018
Ep. 16 Kathlyn Hart: Desire More. Earn More. Give More.
My special guest Kathlyn Hart is creator of Be Brave Get Paid, a salary negotiation bootcamp for women. In addition, she hosts The Big Leap Show podcast where she interviews badass women about the journey from dreaming to doing. She shares the biggest lesson she learned as an "aftermath of a terrible negotiation" in her freelance career and how the biggest hurdle to negotiation success is often our money beliefs.
April 13, 2018
Ep. 15 Dismantling the myth “I have to be miserable to grow”
Is it true that misery fuels success? Where does the myth come from and how does it impact the lives of people we love? Why do we compare our success to other people’s shiny outsides? What does Joy and Meaning have anything to do with negotiation success? Find out and hear my personal story in this episode.
April 10, 2018
Ep.14 Why We Suck at Articulating Our Value for Money
Is it true that women don’t like to negotiate? I share evidence that the tide is rising for women. I also explain Tiara Syndrome, its impact on our negotiations, and the definition of value that generates money.
April 5, 2018
Ep.13 Minda Harts: Advancing the Next Generation of #WoC
My special guest Minda Harts is a social impact entrepreneur and founder of My Weekly Memo, a digital career education platform. Her mission is to advance the next generation of women of color. She drops negotiation and leadership wisdom, and shares how she successfully negotiated a $30K salary increase. “Advocating for yourself, that’s leadership.” @mindaharts
April 4, 2018
Ep. 7 Where I'm From, What I do, and What It Means For You
In this episode I get personal and share where I come from (South Korea), how I became a coach for ambitious women, and what it means for you. Then I wrap it up with some baller lady brags. What’s your baller lady brag?
April 3, 2018
Ep.12 3 Surprising Negotiation Insights from Women in Auto
What are the negotiation secrets of women leaders in the automobile industry? I share inspiring insights from the Women in Automobile Networking Breakfast at the New York Auto Show and talk about how you can apply these insights to gain the upper hand in your career negotiations.
March 30, 2018
Ep.11 Ding! 5 Minute Exercise for #Negotiation Anxiety
Does the thought of negotiating for yourself make your hands go clammy, your throat dry and your heart beating fast? I share the good news about negotiation anxiety, the tough news (not bad, just tough) and a five minute exercise for overcoming anxiety so you can take confident action towards your goals.
March 26, 2018
Ep.10 Five Minute Exercise for Speaking Your #Value
I share a quick and fun exercise for crafting your unique value statement so you can #negotiate with power and poise. I also offer my free script “How To Ask For A Big Pay Raise”. Email me at for the free script.
March 21, 2018
Ep.9 Articulating Your Value for a Big Pay Raise
How do you articulate your value at the #negotiation table, so that you can ask for a big pay 💰 raise? I share three approaches and offer a free script on How to Ask for a Big Pay Raise.
March 19, 2018
Ep.8 What are 5 Key Practices for #Negotiation Success?
#Negotiation skills are #leadership skills. Conscious leadership and value-creating negotiation both require self-awareness, learning agility, communication and influence. I share my definition of negotiation and five key practices for negotiation success.
March 16, 2018
Ep.6 Overcoming the Fear: She Brags Too Much
“But I don’t want them to think I’m bragging.” I hear this a LOT as a negotiation coach for women. In this episode, I share concrete tips for overcoming the fear of judgment that holds us back from speaking up, advocating for our value and confidently negotiating for what we want.
March 13, 2018
Ep.5 How to Listen with Respect So You Can Get Respect
Listening, true ❤️-❤️listening is so RARE these days🤷🏻‍♀️That’s why when you master the 3️⃣Levels of Listening, you’ll become influential, respected and magnetic to the people you engage with.
March 12, 2018
Ep.4 How to Speak to Impact Social Change
In the fourth episode, I share top three lessons on how to speak to impact social change. This is also a recap of the advocacy workshop I led for Global Network of Women Peace-builders to an audience of feminist activists who have gathered for the 62nd Commission on the Status of Women at U.N. The lessons are 1. Connect with your Why; Connect with your Fire 2. Don’t Force; Guide the Listener to a New Understanding 3. Tell Compelling Stories; Share Your Story. I think these lessons can be applied to anyone who wants to advocate, communicate and negotiate to impact change in their lives, their careers and their world.
March 11, 2018
Ep.3 Traps of Perfectionism & Itty Bitty Shouldy Committee
Welcome to the third episode of Born to Thrive. In this episode we explore the trap of perfectionism and the voice of Itty Bitty Should-y Committee. Then we break down communication into four parts, so that we can focus our energy and attention on the parts we can control and not worry over things not in our control.
March 9, 2018
Ep.2 Salary Negotiation FAQs
In the second episode of Born to Thrive, I address three most frequently asked questions that I get as a negotiation coach for women. 1. Who goes first in giving a number (you!) 2. What if my employer questions your loyalty? (They don’t pay for your emotional labor) 3. How do you respond to a lowball offer? (I offer a script for responding to this in this podcast). Enjoy!
March 8, 2018
Ep.1 3 Steps to Organizing a Winning Speech
Hi! My name is Jamie Lee and I am a coach and speaker dedicated to helping women become bolder, braver and better paid. I present three key steps for organizing a winning speech, which are 1. Big Idea 2. Premise 3. Call to Action. To give an example, I present my big idea that we are born to THRIVE and present three sub points to support that idea. I’m sure there are tons more I hadn’t yet thought of, so feel free to comment and let me know how else we as humans are born to thrive (vs just survive and get by).
March 8, 2018
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