“I’m still here.”

You don’t need to know an ACE Score to be trauma informed.

Walking through life with people who experience trauma is messy, challenging, and sometimes heartbreaking.

Hand model of the brain and helpful tips for working with people that may be triggered.

The 4 “R’s” and 6 Key Principles of Trauma Informed Practice.

Restoration rather than judgement is our goal.

Understanding the three E’s: events, experiences, and effects

Toxic stress and the way it changes the brain to function in survival mode.

Chapter 3 of the trauma informed church uncovers the research of Dr. Felitti and collaborator Dr. Anda regarding their 10 question questionnaire and what it reveals.

Chapter 2 brings into focus the reality that beneath many of the visible challenges our world is experiencing there is a Spiritual problem.

Chapter 1 is an introduction to the trauma informed church and clues the reader/listener in to who Andy is, and why she feels she’s qualified to equip others the way she’s been equipped.

Three types of stress and their effects.

The trauma informed Church is about about walking with others toward flourishing written by Andrea de Clements PhD. It has 11 chapters.

Includes a brief history of CR, 90 day kick off strategy, the 7 keys to start your CR ministry and CR’s suggested pathway for growth.

A second chance. A new start. Sure I’d be watermarked as a convicted felon for the rest of my life. It’s a new day, it’s a new dawn, and this is the story that got me there.

What’s the point of cutting grass?

The Gospel of Mark is the most reader, in this case, listener friendly, Gospel. The Message Remix, goes a step further by translating, sometimes awkward phrasing into an enjoyable experience straight to the point.

Training on the go, for leaders who are preparing to lead or want a refresher for best practices when leading a step study group.

Jesus once spoke to a woman at a Samaritan well who had tried getting her needs met through five different failed marriages. But standing there before Him with both her life and her water bucket empty, she found in Christ what He called “living water” (John 4:10)—a supply that wasn’t just for quenching temporary thirst. He offered her a drink of soul satisfaction that never quits giving and refreshing. And this is what’s available to you at each sunrise and each night before bed, no matter who your spouse is or what they’ve done to you.
“In Your presence is fullness of joy,” King David wrote to God. “In Your right hand there are pleasures forever” (Psalm 16:11). God is your everyday supply . . . of everything you need.
TODAY'S DARE
Be intentional today about making a time to pray and read your Bible. Try reading a chapter out of Psalms or Proverbs each day, or reading a chapter in the gospel book of John. As you do, immerse yourself in God’s love and find rest in the promises and peace He has for you. This will add to your growth as you walk with Him.
____ Check here when you’ve completed today’s dare.
How do you think spending time daily with God will change your situation and perspective? How can you make Him a bigger part of your day?

He was willing to love you even though you didn’t deserve it, even when you didn’t love back. He saw all your flaws and still chose to love you. His love made the greatest sacrifice to meet your greatest need. As a result, you are able (by His grace) to walk in the fullness and blessing of His love.
Now and forever.
And then you can experience and share this same love with your spouse. You can love even when you’re not loved in return. You can see all their flaws and imperfections and still choose to love. And you can become His instrument, one of the most personal ways He meets the needs of your spouse. As a result, they can walk in the fullness and blessing of your love. Now and till death.
True love is found in Jesus Christ. And after you have received His loving gift of new life, His sacrificial death in your place, and His forgiveness for your sins, then you are finally ready to live the dare.
TODAY'S DARE
Dare to trust what God is saying to you through His Word. Dare to trust Jesus Christ for your salvation. Dare to pray, “Lord Jesus, I’m a sinner. But You have shown Your love for me by dying to forgive my sins, and You have proven Your power to save me from death by Your resurrection. Lord, change my heart, and save me by Your grace. Fill me with Your love.”
____ Check here when you’ve completed today’s dare.
Write about what this experience has been like for you. Even if you are only renewing your commitment to receive and express His love, what has He shown you today?

Perhaps you’ve never given your heart to Christ, but you sense Him drawing you today. You may be realizing for the first time that you, too, have broken God’s commands, and that your guilt will keep you from knowing Him. But Scripture says that if you repent by turning away from your sin and turning to God, He is willing to forgive you because of the sacrifice His Son made through His death on the cross. He is pursuing you, not to enslave you but to free you, so you can receive His love and forgiveness. Then you can share it with the one you’ve been called most specifically to love.
Perhaps you’re already a believer, but you would admit that you have walked away from fellowship with God. You’re not in the Word, you’re not in prayer, maybe you’re not even in church anymore. The love you used to feel coursing through your veins has dwindled into apathy.
The truth is, you cannot live without Him and you cannot love without Him. But there is no telling what He could do in your marriage if you choose to put your trust in Him.
TODAY'S DARE
Look back over the dares from previous days. Do they reveal a difficulty in your ability to love your spouse? Did some seem impossible? Have you realized your need for God to change your heart and give you His ability to love? Ask Him to show you where you stand with Him and to give you the grace to seek Him, find Him, and walk with Him.
____ Check here when you’ve completed today’s dare.
What do you believe God is saying to you? Is there a stirring in your heart? What decision have you made in response to this?

Ask God for discernment. “The Lord gives wisdom; from His mouth come knowledge and understanding” (Proverbs 2:6). Things like gender differences, family backgrounds, and varied life experiences can cloud your ability to know your mate’s heart and motivations. But God is a giver of wisdom. He can show you what you need in order to know how to love your spouse better.
“By wisdom a house is built, and by understanding it is established; and by knowledge the rooms are filled with all precious and pleasant riches” (Proverbs 24:3–4). There is a depth of beauty and meaning inside your wife or husband that will amaze you as you discover more of it. Enter the mystery with expectation and enthusiasm. Desire to know this person even better than you do now. Make him or her your chosen field of study, and you will fill your home with the kind of riches only love can provide.
TODAY'S DARE
Prepare a special dinner at home, just for the two of you. The dinner can be as nice as you prefer. Focus this time on getting to know your spouse better, perhaps in areas you’ve rarely talked about. Determine to make it an enjoyable evening for you and your mate.
____ Check here when you’ve completed today’s dare.
What did you learn about your spouse that you didn’t know before? How could you continue this process of discovery in other ways, at other times? What were some of the moments that made this evening memorable?

This may be an area where you’ve failed in the past. If so, don’t expect your mate to immediately give you wide-open access to their heart. You must begin to rebuild trust slowly. To stop avoiding them and start talking. To listen compassionately, accept them more genuinely, and then love them more deeply.
Jesus Himself is described as One who doesn’t barge into people’s lives but who stands at the door and knocks. He said, “If anyone hears My voice and opens the door, I will come in to him and will dine with him, and he with Me” (Revelation 3:20).
The reality of intimacy always takes time to develop, especially after being compromised. But it is worth the endless treasures found beneath its guarded lock. Your loving commitment to reestablishing it may be the key to opening it—for anyone willing to take the dare.
TODAY'S DARE
Begin building emotional intimacy with your mate. Determine today to guard your mate’s secrets (unless they are dangerous to them or to you) and to pray for them. Talk with your spouse and listen with acceptance, opening up to them as well. Make them feel safe.
____ Check here when you’ve completed today’s dare.
Given that the safer people feel, the more they open up, what does this say about your marriage in the past? How hard is it for you to listen and hold back from saying something, critical or otherwise? What have you learned about your spouse today, simply from listening?

Do you feel like giving up on your marriage? Jesus said to pray instead of quitting (Luke 18:1). Are you stressed out and worried? Prayer can bring peace to your storms (Philippians 4:6–7). Do you need a major breakthrough? Prayer can make the difference (Acts 12:1–17). One of the most loving things you can ever do for your spouse is to pray for them. “Ask, and it will be given to you; seek, and you will find; knock, and it will be opened to you” (Matthew 7:7).
TODAY'S DARE
Begin praying today for your spouse’s heart. Pray for three specific areas where you desire for God to work in your spouse’s life and in your marriage.
____ Check here when you’ve completed today’s dare.
Have you experienced the power of prayer in the past? What did you choose to pray about? Was it easy for you, or did it feel foreign to you?

But when your attempts at honor go unreciprocated, you are to be honorable just the same, seeking ways to give honor to your mate. That’s what love dares to do—to say, “Of all the relationships I have, I will value ours the most. Of all the people for whom I’m willing to sacrifice, I will sacrifice the most for you. With all your failures, sins, mistakes, and faults—past and present—I still choose the God-honoring way to a better marriage and a better life. I choose to love and honor you.”
That’s how you create an atmosphere in your marriage for love to be rekindled. That’s how you lead dishonor out the door and then lead your heart to truly love your mate again.
That’s the beauty of honor.
TODAY'S DARE
Choose to begin showing greater honor to your spouse above your normal tendency. Begin by listening more attentively and respectfully to your husband or wife. Let your mate see how you give greater weight to their words and requests. Show that he or she is receiving higher esteem in your eyes than before.
____ Check here when you’ve completed today’s dare.
How did you choose to show honor? What was the result? What are some other ways you could demonstrate honor in the coming days?

Today’s dare may be directing you to a real and radical change. For some, the move toward delight may only be a small step away. For others, it may require a giant leap from ongoing disgust. But if you’ve been delighted before—which you were when you first got married—you can be delighted again, even if it’s been a long time, even if a whole lot has happened to change your perceptions. The responsibility is yours to relearn what you love about the one to whom you’ve promised forever.
TODAY'S DARE
Purposefully neglect an activity you would normally do so you can spend quality time with your spouse. Do something he or she would love to do or a project they’d really like to work on. Make the choice to enjoy your time together.
____ Check here when you’ve completed today’s dare.
What did you decide to give up? What did you do together? How did it go? What new thing did you learn (or relearn) about your spouse?

Me” boundaries are rules you personally practice on your own. Here are some of the most effective examples:
1. I will listen first before speaking. “Everyone must be quick to hear, slow to speak and slow to anger” (James 1:19). The one who listens first consistently has the advantage in a fight. You should always approach sensitive issues by respectfully asking questions rather than making assumptions or unleashing accusations.
2. I will deal with my own issues up-front. “Why do you look at the speck that is in your brother’s eye, but do not notice the log that is in your own eye?” (Matthew 7:3). If you quickly admit where you were wrong and apologize first, you disarm your spouse and neutralize the ammo they were using against you while leading the way for them to deal with their mistakes as well.
3. I will speak gently and keep my voice down. “A gentle answer turns away wrath, but a harsh word stirs up anger” (Proverbs 15:1). People tend to mirror their enemy in a fight. The more intense you get, the more intense they get. The more humble and tender you become, the more humble and tender they become. Let how you are speaking be laced with love regardless of what you are saying.
Fighting fair means changing your weapons. Disagreeing with dignity. Building a bridge instead of burning one down. Love is not a fight, but it is always worth fighting for.
TODAY'S DARE
Talk with your spouse about establishing healthy rules of engagement. If your mate is not ready for this, then write out your own personal rules to “fight” by. Resolve to abide by them when the next disagreement occurs.
____ Check here when you’ve completed today’s dare.
If your spouse participated with you, what was their response? What rules did you write for yourself?

Are you willing to bend to demonstrate love to your spouse? Or are you refusing to give in because of pride? If it doesn’t matter in the long run—especially in eternity—then giving up your rights will be a loving way to bring delight and honor to the one you love. It will likely be good for you and for your marriage. Surrendering a battle may actually be the best way to greater victory.
TODAY'S DARE
Demonstrate love by willingly choosing to give in to an area of disagreement between you and your spouse. Tell them you are putting their preference first.
____ Check here when you’ve completed today’s dare.
What issue did you choose? What did giving in cost you? How will this help you in the future?

Whenever a husband looks into the eyes of his wife, he should remember that “he who loves his wife loves himself.” And a wife should remember that when she loves him, she is also giving love and honor to herself.
When you look at your mate, you’re looking at a part of you. So treat her well. Speak highly of him. Nourish and cherish the love of your life.
TODAY'S DARE
How can you warm the heart of your spouse today? Look for opportunities to bring warmth to the coldness in his or her life. If possible, give them an unexpected, tender touch. Choose a gesture that says, “I cherish you.” And do it with sincerity.
____ Check here when you’ve completed today’s dare.
How did you choose to show that you cherish your mate? What did you learn from this experience?

The Scriptures say that “neither death, nor life, nor angels, nor principalities, nor things present, nor things to come, nor powers, nor height, nor depth, nor any other created thing, will be able to separate us from the love of God, which is in Christ Jesus our Lord” (Romans 8:38–39). This is God’s kind of love. And thankfully—by your choice—it can become your kind of love. But first you must receive it and share it.
And then, regardless of circumstances and feelings, you and your spouse can begin living confidently and securely under its shade. You will no longer say, “I love you because . . .” You will now say, “I love you, period.”
TODAY'S DARE
Do something out of the ordinary today for your spouse—something that proves (to you and to them) that your love is based on your choice and nothing else. Wash her car. Clean the kitchen. Buy his favorite dessert. Fold the laundry. Demonstrate love to them for the sheer joy of being their partner in marriage.
____ Check here when you’ve completed today’s dare.
Has your love typically been based on your spouse’s attributes and behavior, or have you based it instead on your own commitment? How can you continue to show love when it’s not returned in a way you hoped for?

Countless widows and widowers could tell us with tears in their eyes what it would mean for them to have one more chance to greet, kiss, and hold their spouses again. Since we each have no guarantee of tomorrow, every new day with our spouse is a gift from God for us to cherish and enjoy.
Think about your greeting. Do you use it well? Does your spouse feel appreciated? Do they feel loved? Even when you’re not getting along too well, you can lessen the tension and help turn things around by the way you bless them when you greet them. Remember, love is a choice. So choose to love them at “Hello!”
TODAY'S DARE
Think of a specific way you’d like to greet your spouse today. Do it with a smile and with enthusiasm. Then determine to change your greeting to daily reflect more love for them.
____ Check here when you’ve completed today’s dare.
When and where did you choose to do your special greeting? How did your mate respond to it? How will you change your greeting from this point on?

It is time to let love, humility, and gratefulness destroy any jealousy that springs up in your heart. It’s time to let your mate’s successes draw you closer together and give you greater opportunities to start the music and throw the confetti.
TODAY'S DARE
Determine to become your spouse’s biggest fan and to reject any thoughts of jealousy. To help you set your heart on your spouse and focus on their achievements, take yesterday’s list of negative attributes and discreetly burn it. Then share with your spouse how glad you are about a success or blessing he or she recently enjoyed.
____ Check here when you’ve completed today’s dare.
How hard was it to destroy the list? What are some positive experiences that you can celebrate in the life of your mate? How can you encourage them toward future successes?

It’s time to move into the Appreciation Room, to settle down and make it your home. As you choose to meditate on the positives, you will learn that many more wonderful character qualities could be written across these walls. Your spouse is a living, breathing, endless book to be read. Dreams and hopes have yet to be realized. Talents and abilities may be discovered like hidden treasure. But the choice to explore them starts with a decision by you.
You must develop the habit of reining in your negative thoughts and focusing on the positive attributes of your mate. This is a crucial step as you learn to lead your heart to truly love your spouse. It is a decision that you make, whether they deserve it or not.
TODAY'S DARE
For today’s dare, get two sheets of paper. On the first one, spend a few minutes writing out positive things about your spouse. Then do the same with negative things on the second sheet. Place both sheets in a secret place for another day. There is a different purpose and plan for each. At some point during the remainder of the day, pick a positive attribute from the first list and thank your spouse for demonstrating this characteristic.
____ Check here when you’ve completed today’s dare.
Which list was easier to make? What did this reveal about your thoughts? What attribute did you thank your spouse for having?

Love will lead you to forgive instead of holding a grudge. To be grateful instead of greedy. To be content rather than rushing into more debt. Love encourages you to be happy when someone else succeeds rather than lying awake at night in envy. Love says “share the inheritance” rather than “fight with your relatives.” It reminds you to prioritize your family rather than sacrifice them for a promotion at work. In each decision, love ultimately lowers your stress and helps you release the venom that can build up inside. It then sets up your heart to respond to your spouse with patience and encouragement rather than anger and exasperation.
TODAY'S DARE
Choose today to start reacting to tough circumstances in your marriage with love instead of irritation. Begin by making a list below of areas where you need to add margin to your schedule. Then list any selfish motivations that you need to release from your life.
____ Check here when you’ve completed today’s dare.
Where do you need to add margin to your life? When have you recently overreacted? What was your real motivation behind it? Consider what “good things” you might should say “no” to so that you can be free to prioritize the “best things.” What decisions have you made today?

Test yourself with these questions:
• How does your spouse feel about the way you speak and act around them?
• How does your behavior affect your mate’s sense of worth and self-esteem?
• Would your husband or wife say you’re a blessing, or that you’re condescending and embarrassing?
If you’re thinking that your spouse—not you—is the only one who needs work in this area, you’re likely suffering from an undiagnosed case of ignorance, with a secondary condition of self-centeredness. Remember, love is not rude but lifts you to a higher standard.
Do you wish your spouse would quit doing the things that bother you? Then it’s time to stop doing the things that bother them. Will you be thoughtful and loving enough to discover and avoid the behaviors that can cause life to be unpleasant for your mate? Will you dare to be delightful?
Here are three guiding principles when it comes to practicing etiquette in your marriage:
1. Guard the Golden Rule. Treat your mate the same way you want to be treated (see Luke 6:31).
2. No double standards. Be as considerate to your spouse as you are to strangers, friends, and coworkers.
3. Honor requests. Consider what your husband or wife has already asked you to do or not do. If in doubt . . . ask.
TODAY'S DARE
Ask your spouse to tell you three things that cause him or her to be uncomfortable or irritated with you. You must do so without attacking them or justifying your behavior. This is from their perspective only.
____ Check here when you’ve completed today’s dare.
What things did your spouse point out about you that need your attention? How did you handle hearing it? What do you plan to do to improve these areas?

When was the last time you spent a few minutes thinking about how you could better understand and demonstrate love to your spouse? What immediate need can you meet? What’s the next event (anniversary, birthday, holiday) you could be preparing for? Great marriages come from great thinking.
TODAY'S DARE
Contact your spouse sometime during the business of the day. Have no agenda other than asking how he or she is doing and if there is anything you could do for them.
___ Check here when you’ve completed today’s dare.
What did you learn about yourself or your spouse by doing this today? How could this become a more natural, routine, and genuinely helpful part of your lifestyle?

Ask yourself these questions:
• Do I truly want what’s best for my husband or wife?
• Do I want them to feel loved by me?
• Do they believe I have their best interests in mind?
• Do they see me as looking out for myself first, or them first?
Remember, your partner also has the challenge of learning to love a selfish person. But don’t wait on them to earn your love. Determine to be the first to demonstrate real love to them, with your eyes wide open. Show them what it looks like by your unexpected example. And when all is said and done, you’ll both be more fulfilled.
“Do nothing from selfishness or empty conceit, but with humility of mind regard one another as more important than yourselves” (Philippians 2:3).
TODAY'S DARE
Whatever you put your time, energy, and money into will become more important to you. It’s hard to care for something you are not investing in. Along with refraining from any negative comments, buy your spouse something that says, “I was thinking of you today.”
____ Check here when you’ve completed today’s dare.
What did you choose as the gift for your spouse? What happened when you gave it to them? What was their response?

It is difficult to demonstrate love when you feel little to no motivation. But love in its truest sense is not based on feelings. Rather, love determines to show thoughtful actions even when there seems to be no reward. You will never learn to love until you learn to demonstrate kindness. First.
TODAY'S DARE
In addition to saying nothing negative to your spouse again today, do at least one unexpected gesture as an act of kindness.
____ Check here when you’ve completed today’s dare.
What discoveries about love did you make today? What specifically did you do in this dare? How did you show kindness? How can you make this a daily habit?

This Love Dare journey is a process, and the first thing you must resolve to do is to demonstrate patience on a daily basis. Think of it as a marathon, not a sprint. But it’s a race worth running. Since we should never stop loving, we should never stop showing patience. It should be refreshed in supply every morning as the sun rises.
TODAY'S DARE
The first part of this dare is fairly simple. Although love is communicated in a number of ways, our words often reflect the condition of our hearts. For the next day, resolve to demonstrate patience and to say nothing negative to your spouse at all. If the temptation arises, choose not to say anything. It’s better to hold your tongue than to say something you’ll regret.

Why are we afraid? Do we have a choice?

Moving forward when it feels like your going backwards.

Hire, fire.

In the middle of the pain. There’s no sunshine when it rains; until their is.

What to do when your neighbor’s weeds crowd your garden.

Does admitting you made a mistake unnerve you? How about admitting that you were wrong? If you’re anything like me this chapter will help you choose your relationship rather than choosing to be right.

While earning my undergrad I can remember taking more credits than I probably should have. When I'd open up my syllabi from the 6 or 7 classes I'd begin to feel myself get anxious. Then fearful, stupid, embarrassed, determined, angry, committed, eventually exhausted.

In this episode I uncover my tendency to allow obstacles and perfectionism to thwart my success. Reference Jon Acuff "Finish" Giving yourself the gift of done.

How to Recognize and Cultivate the Three Essential Virtues