The Pleasure Project with Dr. Jenn Kennedy

Betrayal comes in many forms. During this episode, Dr. Jenn talks to Therapist Annie Finch about what common struggles partners face when betrayed.

Topics covered include:

- Partners feelings of blame

- Long term viability after betrayal

-Rebuilding trust between partners after infidelity

- A personal and relational healing path

Annie Finch is an associate marriage and family therapist with Riviera Therapy. She is certified in sex addiction and drug addiction recovery. She runs a group for betrayed partners and understands well how to facilitate healing after betrayal. Annie also sees couples.

Find Annie at:

Dr. Jenn has covered many topics for people in relationships -- this episode is geared toward those who are currently dating or deciding how to get back into the dating scene.

She discusses how certain pairings complement one another (in the bedroom) more than others .

She also poses and discusses some questions:

• What is your strategy for dating?
• Do you have a plan - what is your intention? For example, are you looking to explore? Are you looking to find a long-term partner?
• Do you date multiple people at once?
• Do you have s*x with multiple people at once? If so, do you tell each person?

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In this episode I interview, Peggy J. Kleinplatz, Ph.D. She is a celebrated author and researcher.

Dr. Kleinplatz is Professor in the Faculty of Medicine at the University of Ottawa. She is a Certified Sex Therapist and Educator.  Her research focuses on optimizing sexual experience, with a particular interest in sexual health in older people, the disabled, chronically ill and other marginalized populations.

In this episode, Dr. Kennedy & Dr. Kleinplatz discuss her research about the strategies employed by couples who have been together 10, 20, even 40 years for fostering a fulfilling s*x life. We hear so many stories of people not having good s*x and of the challenges of keeping chemistry alive in the long haul. But what about the people that are having truly fulfilling s*x - what are they doing differently and how can we all have it?

Key take aways:

• Great lovers are made -- not born
• Sex becomes more "human" with age
• Importance of preparation to ensure a positive experience
• The value of empathy and how it improves the quality of s*x

Dr. Kleinplatz has edited or authored five books including New Directions in Sex Therapy: Innovations and Alternatives, winner of the American Association of Sexuality Educators, Counsellors and Therapists (AASECT) 2013 Book Award and with A. Dana Menard, Ph.D.  Magnificent Sex: Lessons from Extraordinary Lovers, winner of the 2021 Society for Sex Therapy and Research Consumer Book Award. 

You can contact Dr. Kleinplatz at:

If we have a single vision of how sex must go, then we tend to miss out on all the fantastic, pleasing, alternative ways we could have discovered ourselves and/or one another. We feel discouraged when our body doesn’t respond, yet we don’t have flexibility to explore is other ways. This scenario happens much too often. 

In this episode, I illustrate this challenge with the case of Jon and Angela who have been married for 11 years (no children). Jon is a 56-year-old CEO with a steady diet of stress. Angela, 42, works as a freelance writer and does Pilates regularly. The couple tends to “work hard—then play hard.” Jon has increasingly faced erectile dysfunction over the past year. They have decreased sexual contact to avoid the awkwardness and frustration that results (mostly for Jon) when penetrative sex cannot happen. They have arrived in my office with palpable tension. 

In discussing their cycle, the couple acknowledge that when Jon’s work stress spikes or when they have interpersonal conflict (even low level), his ED worsens. And when he cannot achieve erection, they tend to go longer periods of time without engagement. I have suggested they break this pattern by reframing their expectations and their definition of sex. We discuss their goals for sex: pleasure, connection, fun, release. I wager that those goals can be met without penetration. 

Tune to hear more about this case.

This is a fun one! Dr. Jenn and Kristi Miller, LMFT dive into the taboo topic of body hair, including head, face, chest, back, arms, legs, pubic and backside! We discuss how hair affections attraction, self image, cultural influences and body image.

In this episode Dr. Jenn talks about stressors and how they affect your s£x life. This is a great podcast to listen to as a couple.

The episode begins with a mapping exercise to help you identify both your motivations and your barriers to intimacy. It is important to look at stress management in a practical way and figure out these dynamics present obstacles that thwart your desire and connection (to self and partner). 

Many stressors are out of your control, but your reaction and your commitment to staying resourced is within your sphere of influence. 

If we can manage our stress, we will typically have more access to our sexuality. Tune in and let Dr. Jenn know what you think!

In this episode, Dr. Jenn interviews Dr. Lisa Rayburn, Esq. about a topic that comes up time and time again as a sex therapist and a sex addiction therapist: the intersection of sex and religion. 

Dr. Lisa Rayburn is a theologian, attorney, and leadership educator. She leads individuals and groups through change. As an attorney and business executive, she was trained to think strategically. Her life has also been largely dedicated to helping people spiritually.

They discuss hot button topics like:

• The complexities of sex and religion 
• Sexual shame and ways to work to release it
• The difference between shame and guilt 
• What the religious texts are actually saying in regard to sex 
• The role of procreation 
• Where does pleasure come in?
• Masturbation 
• Marriage 
• Differing beliefs

In this episode, Dr. Jenn unpacks turn-ons and turn-offs. She discusses how important it is to examine both your excitors and those things that inhibit you. Oftentimes, people know exactly what they dislike, and if the turn-offs go unaddressed, it can be very challenging to move past them. 

Dr. Jenn teaches you how to tune into your senses and make a solid list in both categories to help you gain insight. How can you address your turn-ons and turn-offs if you can’t identify them?

• What excites you?
• What gets you into that playful s*xy space?
• What grosses you out?
• What shuts you down?
• What fears do you have? 

Tune in, give this a try, and let us know what you learned! We’d love to hear your feedback. 

In this episode I talk about magic of couple’s therapy. This includes typical reasons why couples come in, the most common problems I encounter, and what couples therapy tends to look like structurally.

Some of the most common goals for couples coming into therapy include:

• Communication skills and support
• Perpetual problems
• Low desire
• Infidelity and betrayal
• Learning to negotiate their needs
• Conflict resolution: fighting fair

If you’re curious about any of these topics or thinking about couple’s therapy, this is the episode for you.

In this episode I talk about the dynamic of self talk and how it relates to s*x.

Self talk is that (often) incessant chatter that monitors your every thought and subsequent behavior. You might not be aware that you're doing it, but you almost certainly are. This inner voice combines conscious and unconscious--often automatic thoughts, beliefs and biases to create an internal monologue throughout the day. Now imagine how all of this hijacks your s*x life! Your desire struggles to happen amongst the peanut galley that is your self talk.

In in the episode, I discuss four common negative cognitions that show up in self talk and derail your good time:

Personalizing - basically when “It’s not you, it’s me”. If something bad occurs, you automatically blame yourself. Examples: Our chemistry is off b/c I’m not their type or I don’t orgasm fast enough.

Filtering - you magnify negative and filter out positive parts of an interaction. Ex: The kissing was hot, but the sex was clumsy and felt mechanical.

Catastrophizing - you automatically expect the worst will happen. Ex: I’m going to look, act awkward or not be a good lover.

Polarizing -  you see things only as either good or bad—black and white thinking. It’s the feeling that you have to be perfect or you're a total failure. Ex: I can’t let them see my stomach in any position that shows folding skin. Or, they bit me and I didn’t like it so it’s off.

There is no single, easy switch, but rather noticing and interrupting your go-to self talk.

Sexual rejection feels bad all the way around. Energy leading to a sexual interaction requires a degree of vulnerability. We let our guard down to want the other person—to communicate verbally or nonverbally how we want to touch or be touched—how we want to experience pleasure. And when that gets thwarted, it feels not just disappointing, but also personal.

There was hope of temporary merger through the connection, and anticipation of the release that has transmuted into a sadness of two individuals retreating to their silos.

Dr. Jenn discusses:

• How it feels to say no or to hear no
• Factors that cause sexual rejection
• Case examples of couples with high/low desire
• Importance of curiosity with self and partner to address rejection

Dr. Jenn interviews Viki Krug, an Austrian artist with a mission to educate on vulva anatomy and diversity. Krug uses a special type of body casting to create a copy of the participant’s vulva. The casting is then turned into a beautiful statue for the participant to keep. Anonymous photos of the statues are published and used to celebrate vulvas for how they are: different, normal and beautiful. 

They discuss Krug's journey, anatomy, creating safe spaces, body ownership and celebration. 

Dr. Jenn interviews Ashe Brown, a spiritual herbalist, serial entrepreneur, visionary, sacred space holder, and curator of healing experiences.

Ashe and her wife own and operate Pura Luna Apothecary - an inclusive herbal shop centered around providing accessible healing tools and creating community. They also lead retreats focused on empowerment and personal grounding.

They discuss:

• Ashe’s journey toward finding her soul calling and becoming a healer
• Building an intentional community where all people feel included
• Pura Luna Apothecary’s Pleasure Medicine - toys that are for women by women
• The role of herbalism in sexuality
• Elemental healing & plant medicine
• Ashe’s upcoming retreats
• What does it feel like to be in desire all of the time?

In this episode Dr. Jenn discusses how we view female masturbation in our culture. This taboo topic gets misrepresented frequently in the media. Dr. Jenn notes that while MOST women masturbate, few are talking about it and fully owning their experience.

Do you masturbate? If not, why not? How does it compare to partnered sex?

As a culture, it is much more expected that men masturbate but we do not hear from many women.

In this episode Dr. Jenn talks about the stigma, gives practical tips, toy information and discusses the benefits of cultivating a relationship with yourself. Masturbation looks different for everyone, and that's okay!

Has sexual desire faded in your long-term relationship? You’re not alone. In this episode, Dr. Jenn dives into this incredibly common issue and offers ways to spice up your marriage.

She discusses: 

• shifts and changes within partnerships 
• phases of a long-term relationship 
• how stressors affect your individual sexual energy 
• intentionality 
• how to create connection and engagement 
• how to curate the right environment and state of mind
• how to make small steps in the right direction
• removing some of the pressure and lowering expectations 
• ways to remain curious and keep things fresh
• communication, awareness and slowing down 
• what turns you on in a bigger sense? what makes you playful?

Dr. Jenn Kennedy interviews MFT Rebecca Capps, a holistic therapist, wellness coach, and the CEO of MindBodyThrive. Rebecca has a decade of experience and she’s an expert in eating disorders and body image issues. Dr. Kennedy and Rebecca talk all about:     ⁃    Rebecca’s personal story and the benefits of lived experience combined with a clinical practice.     ⁃    How body image can show up in problematic ways in intimacy     ⁃    How core beliefs can effect our body image and our sex lives     ⁃    How might a partner help someone who is struggling with body image issues     ⁃    The influence of media on sense of self     ⁃    How body image intersects with gender identity     ⁃    They offer strategies for those feeling self conscious during sex     ⁃    They discuss the link between sexual trauma and eating disorders     ⁃    They touch on pregnancy and body image     ⁃    There is also advice, helpful resources and some helpful book recommendations

Recorded for clinicians in training, this podcast discusses Sex Addiction and sexual compulsion. Dr. Jenn offers insight into the typical presentation and treatment approaches.

Content includes:

Criteria for diagnosis: loss of control, compulsive behavior, efforts to stop, lost time, preoccupation, failure to fulfill obligations, continuing to act out even though there have been consequences, escalations of behavior, losses of various sorts, withdrawal symptoms

Typical presentations of clients: affairs, porn, escorts, Love Addiction

Early interventions: Breaking through denial, creating problems and secrets list, exploring consequences, distortions and accountability.

Resources: SAA and SLAA meetings

Dr. Jenn Kennedy interviewed pelvic floor physical therapists Dr. Chris Pieton about various issues that arise in her practice related to sexual health.

- Sex doesn't have to be painful or something "you just live with." Common causes and solutions

- Postpartum issues that affect the pelvic floor and how/why sex can be challenging after birth

- The ins and outs of anal sex: lube, location, approach for better sex

Sex in the beginning was easy, but long term relationships often have couples feeling less engaged and disinterested. Inertia takes over and week, months even years go by without sex. Dr. Jenn Kennedy discusses this dynamic and how to break out of the doldrums. She offers up an exercise to cultivate your own sexual preferences and how to revive your sex within a longer term relationship.

Dr. Jenn discusses common factors that affect women's desire and arousal: culture, attachment, body image, trauma and relationship to pleasure. 

Challenge these cultural myths about women's sexuality: Women have a low sex drive, seniors shouldn’t be having sex, masturbation means you’re not into partnered sex, sex isn’t good if it doesn’t look like porn, women are supposed to be submissive.

Sex is a microcosm of your larger life. So if your sex life is less than stellar, I'd like to ask about your bigger life and how you treat yourself in the everyday. I discuss this relationship and how you might consider an everyday shift to help you in the bedroom. 

Dr. Jenn describes and discusses the killjoy habit of spectatoring--the tendency to judge ourselves during sex. The audience (of your mind) has become unruly. They are critical and unforgiving. They notice anything and everything you are doing wrong. Their insults or doubt might include comments about how you look, how you smell or taste, how fast or slow you are moving, where and how you are touching your partner, and the list goes on. The peanut gallery are tough to please and you entertaining their criticism or trying to explain yourself only leads to more distraction… and likely an even less connected sexual experience.

We call this phenomena spectatoring. It’s the idea of focusing on oneself from a third person perspective. We all do it to some degree, however the voices can get very loud and very discouraging during sexual play. You might notice yourself feeling anxious, awkward, impatient, self-critical and disconnected from your partner or your own pleasure.

Welcome to 2023 and here's to making your sex life a priority. Start where you are and let's help it get better.