The Roargasm: A Detroit Lions Podcast

What's this? An offseason pod?

Hell yeah!

Deano, Uncle B, and Lomas are in peak offseason form for this low-energy episode. All we can really say is that Brad Holmes and DC have our unmitigated trust that they're making the right moves to shore up the D, stabilize the O line after the departure of Jonah Jackson, and generally keep things humming.

Query: Is next season Super Bowl or bust? Will anything less than a Bowl appearance equate to a failure? Seems unfathomable, right? Yet, here we are.

Another burning question: Is the new recording platform we're using roar-enabled? Listen to the end to find out!

Where to begin?

With a newly revealed chapter of The Book of Jared, of course.

Lomas was AT THE GAME and lived to tell the tale.

Brad Johnson is coming back for another run at a chip!

Anyway, there are basically two ways to look at what happened: 1) The Lions had the game in hand and blew it, squandering a chance to go to the GODDAMN SUPER BOWL!; 2) The Lions are still a year or so away and needed to go through the agony of defeat to take the next step.

The Roargasm chooses route 2. Just like the Pistons in '87, the Roar will use the heartbreak of losing a game they should have won to fuel go into next season even hungrier, knowing they belong amongst the elite teams.

We shall most likely pod again before the beginning of next season. But until then, thank you for roaring with us throughout what's been a truly incredible and historic season. Study the Book of Jared, offer thanks to Ben Johnson, and keep ROARING!

Ho hum. The Detroit Lions won another playoff game, at home against the Fuccaneers. No big deal, nothing to see here. EXCEPT THAT THE LIONS ARE PLAYING IN THE NFC CHAMPIONSHIP!

We were the better team. We were at home. We were favored. And so of course we SHOULD have won. But damn, after 30 solid years of ineptitude and dashed dreams, it was hard to harbor too much hope.

And yet here we are. On to San Fran, a very scary and formidable team against whom we have absolutely nothing to lose. Anything is possible. Possible is anything. Let's go! ROAR!!!!!!

It only took 30 years ... 3 solid decades of broken hopes and dreams ... multiple generations of roaraholics passing on the disease from father to son ... But, as God is our witness ...

THE DETROIT LIONS WON A GODDAMN PLAYOFF GAME!

Air-Low and Deano (all the way from the Holy Land!) phone in to help us process this historic moment. The game was about as good as it gets. Both teams balling out, doing their thing. Matty Staff was great, slinging no-look sidewinders all over the field. Jared was even better, remaining calm and collected throughout a really close game. Bottom line, Jared made the throws when it really mattered, leading the Lions to a fucking playoff victory.

We're in uncharted territory now, people. The last time the Lions ventured into the mystical land known as the Second Round, they got smoked. Let us beseech the football gods to grant the Roar good fortune against the Fucaneers. Roar.

Yes, Lomas and Uncle Brother kept recording throughout the entire game. This one's for the truly hopeless roaraholics. Meaning anyone listening to this podcast. So, dive in, guys! See you on the other, glorious side!

Uncle Brother and Lomas make the pilgrimage to South Haven to witness the most important Lions game in 30 years. We do all we can to keep our shit together as game time approaches.

Recorded on a tropical Island, this infamous lost episode is finally unearthed and published!

To recap, Lomas and Deano were in the British Virgin Islands for a Wallbrook-mandated Roar detox program. Which did not work, since we watched the Roar once again get jobbed in Dallas by the Cockboys and the worst reffing crew in the NFL.

While Deano was away snorkeling, Lomas recorded from the beach with Uncle Brother, in the cold, windy (possibly also snowy) Chicagoland area. The idea was to record with Deano later, which never happened.

Anyhow, we bemoan the Roar winning, then losing on a clearly fucked up call by the refs. We decide that, in the world of RAA and The Roargasm, the Lions won in Dallas. That's our story, and we're sticking with it.

Inspired by the island setting, Lomas and UB invent the best TV show ever: Lions Fantasy Island. In each episode, roaraholics visit the island, met by a silver-haired Gary Danielson and a little person with the head of Wanye Fontes, to live out their Lions fantasies. But be careful what you wish for, as even the most hoped for Roar fantasy can--and will--have twists and turns you didn't see coming!

Anyhow, if you're listening to this episode after the pre-playoff episode, might wanna stop and listen to that episode first, Actually, do what you want. You're a grown man (we have only male listeners, I'm nearly certain).

Roar.

That's right! Lambs! That's what we think of the pretty boys from LA coming into OUR HOUSE in the D!

Lomas has returned from the tropics, but Deano has once again set off, this time to Israel, to score some contraband Ejaculions. So, it's just Lomas and Uncle Brother this time. Until, that is, the bold entrance of none other than Air-Low! Like a wrestler storming the ring back in the days of Hillbilly Jim and The Iron Sheik!

We somehow simultaneously look back to the win against the Cockrings AND ahead to the epic matchup against Matty Staff and the Lambs. Uncle Brother and Air Low tag team up to convince Lomas that the Roar are the better team and should win ... and Lomas submits! (Lomas, who, by the way, totally nailed the 12-5 regular season prediction.)

Lomas and UB will convene in person in South Haven to watch the game, hoping that the scenic shores of Lake Michigan will help us somehow keep our shit together and our roaraholacism somewhat in check. Spoiler alert: It won't.

So, let us ROAR together into the playoffs, and pray that the playoff gods grant Sam LaPorta a speedy recovery!

Welp, it only took 30 years, but the Roar are once again Kings in the North! Long live the King!

The Roargasm crew celebrates the Roar marching into Minnesota and taking down the Cockrings. Yes, our donkey ball sucking D gave up big yards to their 12th string QB, but we also picked him off 4 times. That dude is an all-time chucker, as likely to throw a Kenny Wobbler as he is to thread a 30-yard strike for a TD.

The offense, meanwhile, after a couple of shaky possessions, got going and did what they had to do against a very good defense. As benefiting a QB with a sacred book detailing his exploits, Jared was on fire, slicing and dicing and getting shit done. Gibbs and Monty continue to operate as a two-headed problem for opposing defenses.

Anyhow, Roar Nation, all that really matters is that the Lions are division kings with a home playoff game in the bag. But can we win said playoff game? What if it's against Matty Staff and the Rams (still working on a cock-related moniker)? We'll deal with that insanity if/when need be.

Until then, let us ROAR as one and celebrate this accomplishement!

ROAR!!!!!!

This very special episode features a very special guest: the one and only Fantetti, he of the scalding hot takes and world-weary cynicism. Uncle Brother opens with a 100% factually accurate biography of Fantetti and how he came to spew a non-stop torrent of anti-Lions (and anti-Pistons) vitriol. But even Fantetti joins in as we celebrate the Lions beatdown of the Donkeys (our name for the Broncos--we couldn't come up with a name with "cock" in it. Sorry). A bit of controversy brews as Lomas and Fantetti team up to cast doubt on Jared's long-term future with the team, which we're aware may seem stupid in the wake of Jared's 5-TD, 0-INT performance. Lomas hammers home the point that the fate of this year's squad rests on the health of the O-line. We look ahead to the next game on the road against the Minnesota Cockrings (good one!), who apparently do not have a QB worth even a single shit. We end with an insanely ambitious 4-part roar, with mixed results, including a synth malfunction.

Thanks once again to Fantetti for brining his mustache into the Roargasm arena, as well as his humor and for the fact that he had the Pistons game on in the background so he could watch loss #24 in a row while re recorded. Good times!

We open with a return to the traditional serenity prayer, followed by a fiery sermon from Deano, chastising Roar Nation for having been seduced by false football god and having the vanity to believe that the Roar had truly been restored.

We ponder the mystery of the Lions current swoon. Is it the O Line? Is it Jared? Have other teams figured out a way to stymie our formerly fearsome offense?

Other than Gibbs ripping off some nice runs and the Roar coming alive in the second quarter, there's not much else to dwell on. Nothing good, anyhow.

The Pistons, meanwhile, are now 2-20 and have lost 19 in a row.

Tough times in the D.

roar

In the aftermath of the Roar's split personality road win against the Taints, we huddle to determine what this strange game portents for the rest of the season.

Any win on the road is as good win, but damn if our shitty D didn't make David Carr look like Pat Mahomes, slinging it. The play of the game was our man Bruce Irvin driving Carr into the dirt and knocking him out of the game. In came journeyman Jameis Winston, who was not good.

We praise Jamo, who showed off his superhuman burst and unveiled a beautiful swan dive into the end zone.

The doubly praise Sam LaPorta, who caught all the passes.

The run game was pretty good, too.

Anyhow, the Roar are 9-3, have a very good offense, a bad defense, and a schedule that should result in a home playoff game.

We look ahead to avenging the almost loss to the Bears next week and try to roar it out but are once again stymied by Zoom.

Roar.

The Roargasm crew sift through the wreckage of the Lion's Thanksgiving loss to the Slackers. Those cheesehead fuckers are clearly better than when we beat their ass earlier in the season. But our O-line looked alarmingly shaky and our defense sucked the most donkey balls it's sucked in a while. Deano even suggests that it might be time to start sleeping on Jared a little bit.

We have no special insights, people. We're as baffled and wary as the rest of Roar Nation. Here's the deal. The Lions are 8-3, with a pretty soft remaining schedule. They're still (probably) playoff bound. A convincing win against the New Orleans Taints would definitely help bolster our spirits.

So, we'll see what happens this Sunday. If the Roar win, we're back on track. If they lose, we'll be recording the next episode from Wallbrook.

Roar.

With Uncle Brother living it up in Europe, Lomas, Deano, and super special guest Big Don Feldman marvel at the Roar's absurd comeback against the Bears. After dining at the donkey ball buffet for most of the game, Jared and the offense rode the silver Lion all the way to an instant-classic come from behind victory. Hutch put the cherry on top with a strip sack safety, after which he punted the ball into the stands. Which was awesome. Did the defense go back to the buffet for seconds and thirds? Yes, it did. The D will be shitting donkey balls for the foreseeable future. But we'll take the W. And now, here's looking at you, Green Bay. We are going to try extremely hard to kick your ass. Happy fucking Thanksgiving.

Special thanks to Big Don for filling in for UB. Speaking of which: Uncle Brother, get your ass back to the United States. It's Lions Thanksgiving football, for the ghost of Bobby Layne's sake!

First, we're super-excited about the addition of Donovan Peoples-Jones to to the Roar family. Not necessarily because he's such an amazing player--although maybe he is ... we have no idea!--but really because the name "Donovan Peoples-Jones" is next level. We simply love it and can't get enough, and are already well along the path toward composing and recording a song in DPJ's honor.

Anyhow, The Roar took care of business at home against a pretty shitty Raiders squad. Many thanks to Jimmy G for being a below-average QB and giving the Lions D a chance to bounce back and feel good about themselves again.

We marvel at Jahmyr Gibbs' breakout performance and hope it's the beginning of something special.

Sam Laporta continues to delight.

It's nice going into the bye week 6-2, with a road contest against the Chargers on the horizon. Hopefully the week off will allow the mighty OLine to return to full strength. And we hope and pray that Dan Campbell will use his healing powers to get David Montgomery back in the huddle. Although his absence has provided Gibbs' plenty of opportunity to shine.

So, enjoy the bye, watch plenty of tape, get some rest, and let's look forward to beating the shit out of the Chargers in a few weeks.

Roar.

This episode is being posted several days after the disaster because, well, Lomas just wasn't very motivated to post it.

What is there to say except that the Lions got demolished every which way. Lamar played like his former MVP self, the Ravens averaged something like 87 yards per play, and the rate at which Baltimore scored was almost comical.

Anyhow, was this a blip, a bump in the road? Or a harbinger of dark things to come. We shall soon find out. Fortunately, the Roar is back at home against the lowly Raiders this Sunday, and we're all hoping they're able to regroup and avenge last week's beatdown.

Roar.

After a brief hiatus to digest all the fucked up shit going down in the Middle East, the boys are back and more Roargasmic than ever!

Before podding, Uncle Brother sent an email to Deano and Impossible Lomas, asking the following question: Are the Lions elite, and if so, what kind of elite are they?

Now, first, let's recognize that this is the first time in recorded history that the words "Detroit Lions" and "elite" have been used in the same sentence that wasn't some kind of sick joke. Uncle Brother meant that shit, and for good reason! The Lions are now 5-1, tied for the best record in the whole league, and have been dominating teams at home and on the road.

In short: What the hell is going on?

We turn to a newly revealed scripture, The Ben Johnson Chronicles, for answers, and find some! Ben Johnson has truly been chosen by Dan Campbell to lead the Roar to the promised land. We're already fearing the day he leaves to take a head coaching gig elsewhere.

Anyhow, we pretty much skip over the Carolina drubbing and focus on the road win at Tampa. We thank the football gods and the ghost of Bobby Layne that Baker Mayfield throws a shitty deep ball. We mourn the loss to injury of David Montgomery and his battering ram of a body but marvel at the Lions' ability to adapt and overcome. We celebrate The Block that Craig Reynolds put on some sorry Tampa Bay Fucaneer who thought he was about to push the Sun God out of bounds. And by the way, all hail the motherfucking Sun God!

Finally, we can't help but admit that the Lions are playing at elite level on both sides of the ball. The defense, which we assumed would still suck at least some donkey balls, is feasting on finer fare!

We make predictions for next week's road game at Baltimore, with Uncle Brother blasphemously picking the Roar to Lose! We love you Uncle Brother, but fuck you!

And, of course, we conclude with a silky smooth harmonized ROAR, the starting note of which nearly caused Lomas to go falsetto.

Until next week, Roar Nation!

That keening, otherworldly sound you heard Thursday night? The one that echoed across the land, an arresting amalgam of joy, relief, euphoria, insanity, and release after 7000 years of ineptitude ...

That, my friends, was the sound of Roar Nation experiencing a collective ROARGASM the likes of which has not been documented since 1957.

Holy shit, right? The absolute and total beatdown that transpired Thursday night at Lambeau gave us so much to talk about that we didn't even bother revisiting Deano and Uncle Brother's pilgrimage to the holy of holies known as Ford Field last Sunday to witness in person the Lions thoroughly dominate the Falcons.

No, it was all we could do to fit all all we had to say about what transpired in Green Bay into a 1.5 hour Roargasm session.

If you listen to this podcast, you already know what happened. There's no way these meager show notes can capture just how fucking good it felt to watch the Detroit Lions not just beat but EMASCULATE the Packers on national tee vee.

How to put this? After shaking off an early pick, Jared was in total command, slicing apart the Packer's D with what can only be described as arrogant disdain. David Montgomery and his massive guns and the O-Line had their way with the Packer's D-line, running the ball right down their fucking throats. The defense, meanwhile, made supposedly hotshot QB Jordan Love look like a girl on some Div III team that decided, sure, why not, let's put her in. It'll be cute.

Plus, it's hard to overstate just how satisfying it was when the cameras showed GB fans wearing those stupid cheesehead things looking very, very sad.

We know how that feels, don't we, Roar Nation? And we also have 0% sympathy for Packers fans, who've had it coming for literally decades.

Bottom line, we went Kobra Kai on their ass. NO MERCY!

Let's all enjoy a cozy weekend, curled up with The Book of Jared, watching all the other teams beat the shit out of each other as we experience multiple and ongoing Roargasms and look forward to next Sunday, when we shall avenge last season's drubbing at the hands of the Carolina Panthers.

Until then, ROARRRRRR!

With the disappointment of a tough loss at home still fresh, Impossible Lomas and Uncle Brother pod it out to hash out their feelings and try to figure out what the hell happened against the Seacocks. Deano? No Deano, who was dutifully observing the 2nd day of Rosh Hashanah.

A few takeaways ...

The Lions offense is for real.

The defense, which has improved from historically the worst ever to just plain bad, still has a long way to go.

The Seacocks are better than their 1st game loss suggested.

We need someone other than Hutch to get pressure on the damn quarterback.

Jahmyr Gibbs is dynamic but it's not yet clear what his role will be.

Every team deals with injuries, but fuck. We lost a lot of guys.

Anywho, the Lions are 1-1. Could be worse. If they lose two in a row at home, we'll most likely enter full-blown panic mode. But for now, we are doing our best to stay calm.

Let's all try and keep our shit together, Roar Nation.

O-Line

Frank Ragnow is brave and stout

Protects his quarterback

He opens up great big holes

For the Lions rush attack

He snaps the ball straight and true

Each and every time

Mighty Frank will never break

Here on the O-Line

O-line

O-line

On the right side you will find

A man named Penei

He guards his position

Each and every play

If you try to bull rush him

He’ll beat you every time

Big Penei will make you pay

Here on the O-line

O-line

O-line

Taylor Decker is a fixture

Here on the O-line

He’ll pancake block you oh so hard

He might break your spine

At 6 foot 7 300+

Taylor’s quite a load

Yes he’s of mighty stature

A sight to behold

O-line

O-line

You may well have never heard

Of left guard Jonah Jackson

But when you see him do his thing

You’ll surely see much action

A man of pride and honor too

Jonah is no joke

Just ask the defensive line

who he’s blown away like smoke

O-line

O-line

Hala-pooli-vahti Vaiy-tie

Is last but not least

6 foot 6 322 pounds

He is quite a beast

And a valued member

Of the O-line brotherhood

Defensive linemen must beware

‘Cause he’s pretty fucking good

O-line

O-line

ROAR! 🦁🦁🦁🦁🦁🦁

We are, indeed, built for this shit!

Holy fucking shit. We won on the road against last year's Super Bowl Champs, on Thursday night, against the best QB in the league.

Uncle Brother, Deano, and Impossible Lomas barely hold it together as they attempt to express their feelings about what is easily the best and most significant win in Lions history since the last time they won a playoff game a billion years ago.

We rock out to the new smash hit from Blandino Records, "Don't Sleep on Jared!"

We experience the glory of Uncle Brother's newly penned prayer praising Dan Campbell, complete with Kedusha-style toe raises. 🙏

We listen, awestruck, as Lomas recites from the newly revealed Chapter 89 of The Book of Jared, which amazingly predicts the victory over the Chiefs of Kansas City.

We also marvel at the size of Dan Campbell's balls (non-donkey variety) for pulling off a fake punt on the Lion's second drive, from their own 17 yard line.

We very much like Jahmyr Gibbs and his great potential.

Deano legit drops $300+ on Lions gear and tickets, while we record.

We don't give any shits that the Chiefs were missing Travis Kelcey and Chris Jones.

Lomas is concerned that when the Lions win the Super Bowl, the city of Detroit will be burned to the ground.

We sing the praises of the O-line and gain newfound appreciation for dominant, mistake-free O-line play.

We flub the episode ending 3-part roar, turning instead of a 5-part harmonized studio version.

And we end with a glorious reprise of "Don't Sleep on Jared!"

We're 1-0, y'all! Let's fucking go! ROARRRRR!

After a long hibernation, the RAA crew is back for season 5 of ... The Roargasm! Yes, the podcast has a new name for a brand new era of Detroit Lions Football!

Uncle Brother Ted kicks things off on the right note with a sultry intro, followed by a brand new, bright and shiny piece of liturgy, intoned by the ever-roargasmic Deano Blandino ... In turn followed by Impossible Lomas reading from a newly revealed chapter of The Book of Jared.

We look ahead with a mixture of great anticipation and trepidation to the Thursday Night tilt against the mighty Chiefs. Do the Lions have a chance to pull off a major upset on the road to kick off the 2023-24 season? No, but overall we're bullish, perhaps foolishly so, on the Lion's overall prospects. Lomas goes so far as to predict a playoff victory! Oh, sweet, sweet Lomas, you gentle and good-natured giant of an O-lineman, God help you.

Anyhow, as usual we fill a solid 2 hours with heartfelt confessions, utter nonsense, speculation about who might make "the leap," more nonsense, the season's first Holocaust reference, and so so much more.

And, of course, we get the band back together for a pretty solid three-part harmonized roar.

Let's go, Roar Nation! This is it!

RAA is truly at a crossroads, folks. Never have we podded so long and so hard, and never have we ended the season on such a note of optimism and high hopes.

We begin this radical episode by dispensing with the Serenity Prayer altogether, and instead recite a Psalm of Jared and listen with rapt attention as Uncle Brother Ted recites from a recently revealed chapter of the Book of Jared. We then proceed to talk for a solid 2.24 hours ... and here are the things we DON'T even get around to discussing: a breakdown of the game; Hutch's 2 sacks and generally awesome performance; the Sun God's leg catch; Jared's sweet bomb to Khalif Raymond, the hook and ladder play.

What do we talk about? It's kinda hard to describe ... Everything and nothing. In large part we marvel at the nature and depth of our feelings about this team. For the first time in our collective memory, the Lions are a young, hungry team on the way up, with a dynamic and colorful head coach and an offensive coordinator whose play calling is a thing of wonder. Yes, the defense is still very much a work in progress, but with 5 picks in the first round, including the Rams' #6 pick, the Lions are poised to upgrade at multiple positions, especially linebacker (sorry, Anzalone!) and run-stopping D-linemen. And safety. And another corner. 

Bottom line, for the first time in a very, very long time, the Lions are fun and easy to root for, and we are genuinely excited for next seasons. We're also entirely uncertain what this means for RAA as a program. The liturgy will almost surely be amended. The core principle that The Lions Will Always Suck will undergo rigorous examination during the offseason. And we shall search within ourselves to discover the true path forward.

Until then, fellow roaraholics, we leave you with one final, heartfelt RRRRROOOOAAAARRRRR!

We came. We saw. We kicked Da Bears ass! And by "we," I mean both the Lions and the RAA crew, plus fellow roaraholics WorldWide Dock and Big Don. That's right, friends ... we journeyed to the inner sanctum known as Ford Field and not only lived to tell the tale but roared ourselves silly as we witnessed the Lions absolutely stomp the shit out of the Bears. Huge thanks to Big Don for footing the bill. Attending an NFL game these days requires mucho dinero, especially for good seats. And our seats were plenty good. Unlike the lawless, post-apocalyptic vibe of the Silverdome, Ford Field is a classy joint, although, as Uncle Brother notes with vehemence, the food options are less than awesome. 

Anyhow, we discuss Jared Goff's continued excellence within the Lions system. We marvel at how easily the Lions scored against an admittedly pathetic Bears defense. We throw a bit of cold water onto the proceedings in recognizing that the Roar run defense still sucks donkey balls (it gave up BIG runs to Justin Fields) and are not particularly sanguine at the Lions prospects against the Packers at Lambeau, outdoors, in sub-freezing conditions.

But until then, we will continue reading from the Book of Jared, reciting the Serenity Prayer, and rolling with the ups and downs of this crazy-ass season.

ROAR!

In the aftermath of the Lions deflating loss to the Panthers, we attempt to return to RAA core principles, beginning with an extra-long serenity prayer. But the question remains: were the Roar simply overdue for a ball-sucking game amidst a run of really good football? Or were we once again sucked in by a handful of wins, only to be donkey kicked in the teeth by the cold reality that The Lions Will Always Suck? There's only one way to find out ... But going to the game against Da Bears this Sunday! That's right, bitches ... Thanks to the largess of Big Don Feldman, the RAA crew, plus WorldWide Dock, will enter the inner sanctum of Ford Field to behold the Roar's response to getting eviscerated by the Panthers. If the Lions win, we shall rejoice. If they lose, we may not all make it out alive. Wish us well, fellow Roaraholics! We'll see you on the other side.

We're all in, folks. All the fucking way in! 

In this unprecedented 10th episode (we usually bottom out around episode 6, when it's clear that the Lions will be sucking donkey balls for the rest of the season), we open with a new addition to the liturgy, immediately followed by a Hillel vs. Shammai-level theological debate over the merits of the new prayer. Lomas reads from the recently discovered Book of Jared, a divine text chronicling the inspiring story of Jared Goff's call to glory. We get into the weeds of the Lions thrilling road win against the Jets and offer thanks to the Ghost of Bobby Layne for the suckiness of the Jets offense. The Jets defense is no joke, though, and so we offer yet more thanks for the brilliant play calling of Ben Johnson on 4th and 1, resulting in a spectacular, game-winning TD. All we know at this point is that if the Roar win out and make the playoffs, we'll be in offering up our first born territory.

Until next time ... ROOOOAAAARRRRR!

In the glorious aftermath of the Lions home win over the 10-2 (now 10-3!) Vikings, the crew revels in victory, despite years of intensive RAA therapy forbidding such enthusiasm. But you now what? Fuck that! The Lions have won 5 out of their last six! ROAR! Deano makes us all extremely proud by attending the game solo, wearing Lions pajama pants, no less, and sitting next to two extremely drunk dudes from Warren who have NEVER GIVEN UP ON THE LIONS! Lomas dons a new robe in celebration of the win and graciously accepts kudos for picking the Roar and getting damn close to the actual score (IL predicted Lions 33, Vikings 27). We can't say enough about 3-time Ryan Gosling look-alike award winner Jared Goff, who balled out and is playing the best football of his pro career. True, the Lions defense continues to suck and enabled a career game for Jefferson, the Vikings best receiver, who had something like 45 catches for 872 yards. But you know what? FUCK THAT! The Lions won anyway! The O-line continues to excel, much to Lomas' delight. The big questions in Roarland is: can the Lions somehow make the playoffs? Seems unlikely, since they'd had to win out, with two games on the road. But you know what? FUCK THAT! We're headed to the playoffs baby! Let's go! Umm ... wait ... Just got a text from my counselor at Wallbrook ... Right ... I have to go recite the serenity prayer 10 times and then dunk my head in a tub of ice water. Anyway ... ROAR!

The Lions absolute thumping of the Jags pulls us back into the studio, where we contemplate what the fuck is going on. Does the Roar's ability to beat bad teams and (sometimes) hang with good ones bode well for the future? Or does everything we know about this franchise and four years of intensive RAA therapy lead us back to our North Star: namely, that the Lions Will Always Suck? 

That fact that this is a question and not a statement of absolute, 100% guaranteed fact has set off major alarm bells at RAA headquarters and has the Wallbrook C-suite preparing for an influx of bottomed-out roaraholics. (Wallbrook is hiring, by the way. No experience required.) 

Here's what we're dealing with ... Goff played a nearly flawless game and the offense once again put up 40 points. The defense held (an admittedly) horrible Jags offense to not much. The Lions are now 5-7 and within sniffing distance of the playoffs.

Here's how dire things have gotten. While recording, prompted by the yetzer ha-rah, the evil roaring spirit that drives roaraholics to commit unspeakable acts, Deano ventured online and bought his bad self a ticket to the next game, at home against the 10-2 Vikings. Deano is going solo, just him and his 60,000 new, terribly ill best friends throwing caution to the wind and sanity out the window. (We will have undercover Wallbrook personnel in Deano's section, ready to jump into action if (more likely when) the Roar are up in the 4th quarter and he begins to seriously lose it.)

Please send thoughts and prayers for Deano as we help him through this perilous time.

Roar!

The Lions less than putrid performance against the mighty Bills draws us back to the recording studio, somewhat against our will, to ponder the meaning of it all. And ponder we do, albeit to no great effect. Does the fact that the Roar hung with the Bills and were actually ahead in the 4th quarter mean anything? Does it bode well for the future? If the Rams continue their putrid play and the Lions end up with two high first round draft picks, will they strike gold and enter into the ranks of the solidly mediocre? Only the ghost of Bobbly Lane knows ... and even he has mostly lost interest, preferring instead of hang with the ghost of Monte Clark and swap stories about the old day.

Anyhow, the concluding ROAR begins with an Uncle Brother bass note so low, Zoom could not handle it (only dogs could hear it).

Enjoy! 

We're back, mostly against our will. Wallbrook is bursting at the seams, as Roaraholics across the land teeter on the brink of total disaster. In the wake of the Lions' three-game winning streak, we ponder the implications for the franchise, for the playoff picture, and for our sanity. Apparently, when health, the Roar have returned to their high-scoring ways, putting up 31 against a Giants team with a good record but a negative point differential. We agree that we now must watch The Lions take on the mighty Bills on Thanksgiving Day, which is likely to be a bloodbath the likes of which the NFL has rarely seen. With Deano and Lomas together in South Haven, we end with a smooth and silky roar. Happy Thanksgiving!

Deano, Lomas, and Uncle Brother Ted conduct a memorial service for the Lions' 2022-2023 season, which really ended two weeks ago, when the Roar were shut out by the Pats, and was finally put to rest last night, when the Lions' formerly unstoppable offense was kneecapped by the Cowboys. We spend as little time as possible talking about the actual games, because, well, y'know ... What is there to say other than to repeat our mantra: The Lions Will Always Suck. 

We ponder how much longer we can keep the pod going this season before devolving into song parody territory and conclude that we're probably already there. Lomas makes a pitch for donations to O-Lineman Camp. Did you know that you can feed a fledgling O-lineman for just $57 a day? 

We end this listless episode with an attempt at a minor chord roar but end up performing an atonal, dissonant roar designed to set your teeth on edge. 

Enjoy!

Welp. Deano, Lomas, and Uncle Brother Ted can't help but marvel at the magnificence of the Lion's 48-45 home loss to the Seahawks. Just when you thought the Roar had truly embodied every possible form of losing and sucking, they find a way to keep losing and sucking in new and inspired ways. Let's just say that the loss was not boring, insofar as the disparity in talent and productivity between the offense and the defense is literally path-breaking. Never before has a team led the league simultaneously in points scored AND points allowed. The Lions offense is truly a high-powered force, leading the league in scoring and total yards and in the top three in every other meaningful offensive category. The defense, meanwhile ... How to say this politely? ... SUCKS DONKEY BALLS SO LARGE THAT THEY ARE LESS LIKE BALLS AND MORE LIKE HILLOCKS. Collectively, the defense gave up 500+ yards, made Geno Smith look like Roger Fucking Staubach, and made some random running back look like Butch Woolfolk. Alleged emerging superstar Jeff Okudah got torched again and again by DJ Metcalf, who had a Player-of-the-Week type game.

Anyroad ... We mentally prepare to uncage Fantetti, bracing for the onslaught of rage and self-pity ... But all for nought, As the Pesto Wonton King drops out to spend more quality time with his stupid family!

Deano speaks of watching the game while rolling with his two youngest sons, both of whom are following Daddy Deano down the dark and dingy path of competitive bowling. God speed.

Lomas holds forth on the "Art of Losing", the very art he claims the Lions have truly perfected. Because, let's face it, this loss was really astonishing and even, perhaps, inspiring.

We all predict a loss next week on the road in New England. Uncle Ted predicts the score will be Lions 73, Patriots 82. 

We conclude with a gentle ... Meow!?! That's right, bitches. We meowed our little hearts out, and we enjoyed it.

Uncle Brother Ted returns from a 3-hour journey into the woodlands to join the pod, with zero knowledge of what transpired in Minnesota. Deano and Lomas regal Ted with tales of the Lions 14-0 first half lead, how they went 3-3 on 4th down conversions, how they had the ball with 3:30 left in the game and a 3-point lead ... and of course still lost. Wallbrook will have to wait at least a few more weeks before welcoming Deano back to its warm embrace. The good: The Roar once again put up impressive numbers on the ground ... Goff played well ... Jeff Okudah locked down his side of the field. The bad: The Lions D sacked Captain Kirk Cousins only once ... Hutchinson did very little ... and when it counted most, the Lions secondary gave up two big passing plays, resulting in a Vikings touchdown that sealed the Lions' fate. Nobody expected the Roar to beat the Vikings on the road, but they had this game in hand. Whatever. On to the next contest, at home against Seattle, against whom we all pick the Roar to triumph. Are we delusional? Perhaps. Tune in next week to find out. Until then, Shanah Rorah!

In the aftermath of the Lions win over the Washington Conquistadors, Uncle Brother Ted, Deano Blandino, and Impossible Lomas are perplexed as to how to proceed. Well, not so much Blandino, who has the Wallbrook staff on high alert as they prepare his room and favorite snacks. We indulge in a review of the Lions' seemingly potent offense. Lomas lavishes praise on the O-line, as is his wont. Aidan Hutchinson receives his due after a 3-sack performance--the most ever by a rookie Lion. As Deuce Staley decreed in Hard Knocks, D'Andre Swift might actually be a top-tier running back. And Amon-Ra is on the verge of setting a record for the most games in a row with at least 8 catches. What the fuck is going on? Could the Lions' offense actually be ... y'know ... good? At least the defense still sucks massive donkey balls, Hutch's heroics aside. However many points the offense puts up, the defense is sure to yield on the other side of the ball, and so we're still likely looking at 5-6 wins, max. 

Still, for the first time in a while, there seems to be reason to hope that the Roar are actually on the right track. Which, for Roaraholics Nation, is a time of immense danger. If the Lions win next week on the road against the Vikings ... We'll cross that incredibly alarming bridge if/when we have to. Good Lord. Deep breath, people. Work the steps. Recite the serenity prayer. Stay close to family and friends. And in the worst case scenario, Wallbrook is only a call away, where you can join Deano in the rec room for a game of checkers.

Impossible Lomas Productions is off to a very Lions-like start to the season, having posted our preseason episode after the regular season has already started. But ... Whatevs. Deano Blandino, Uncle Brother Ted, and Impossible Lomas reunite to kick off Season 4 of Roaraholics Anonymous. We do so not with a sense of joy and anticipation of good things to come, of course. Nay, we do so out of inertia and an unhealthy sense of duty to ... The Ghost of Bobby Lane? We know not. And yet, here we are, once again on the precipice of another shitty season. We provide brief updates on our various goings on since the end of last season. We take a hard look at Hard Knocks, concurring that the Lions come across as not just a struggling franchise low on talent, but also as kinda dumb. We look ahead to the regular season with a mix of indifference and morbid curiosity. How average will Goff be? How bad will the defense suck? Can Jeff Okudah get any worse? Is the O-line actually good, as is oft rumored? We're about to find out. God help us.

Matty Staff’s Super Bowl Dream

Words and music by Uncle Ted, Deano Blandino, and Impossible Lomas

Growing up in Texas

You had a Super Bowl dream and a rocket right arm

Won a chip in high school, they said

Hey boy, you’re gonna go far

Packed it off for Georgia

Worked real hard and honed your craft

In fact you got so damn good you were the #1 pick in the NFL draft

The only thing that could destroy your dream

Was winding up on the Detroit football team

Matty Staff

You’re a Super Bowl champ at last

Though we know you took a long road to get there

For twelve long years

Shed a lot of blue and silver tears

But you persevered now you’ve won the Super Bowl

Playing in Detroit

Empty stats guy on a nowhere team

Yeah they called you Pad Statford

Folks sure can be mean

Took a lot sacks, threw a lot of TDs

Postseason rolled around, you were watching on TV

Yard after yard week and week

All the haters said you were past your peak

Matty Staff

You’re a Super Bowl champ at last

Though we know you took a long road to get there

For twelve long years

Shed a lot of blue and silver tears

But you persevered now you’ve won the Super Bowl

Finally, you had enough, up and demanded a trade

Said won’t you please send me to a team that’ll make the grade

So they shipped you to LA, Hollywood Hills and the Walk of Fame

Playing for Coach McVay, finally got a chance to prove your name

Suddenly things are looking up

Throwing TDs to Kooper Cupp

Matty Staff

You’re a Super Bowl champ at last

Though we know you took a long road to get there

For twelve long years

Shed a lot of blue and silver tears

But you persevered now you’ve won the Super Bowl

Rolled through the Cards, then you went down to Tampa, where you slayed the GOAT

Up against the Niners, gutsy comeback, you made every throw

First half of the Bowl, you were on a roll, threw a couple TDs

But then the kicker missed an extra point, and OBJ went out with a knee

Looked like it was gonna be Burrow’s day

Clock’s ticking down and your chances are slipping away

Matty Staff, down four points, time for a comeback

Need one more dose of your fourth quarter magic

Got no running game, half of your receivers have come up lame

But we never worried, cause we know you’re not gonna panic

Everybody sees it’s down to you and number ten

It took fifteen plays, and brother in the end …

Matty Staff

Into the end zone you whipped that pass

Grabbed the lead, like it was your fate

Confetti rained down

Now you’re wearing the Super Bowl crown

There ain’t no doubt, you’re an all-time great

Matty Staff

You’re a Super Bowl champ at last

Though we know you took a long road to get there

For twelve long years

Shed a lot of blue and silver tears

But you persevered now you’ve won the Super Bowl

John Matthew Stafford is a Super Bowl champion. 

In case reading the above sentence made your brain explode right through your skull, pick up the pieces, reassemble, and read it again:

MATT STAFFORD IS A FUCKING SUPERBOWL CHAMPION!

The stars and planets aligned, the football gods smiled, Cooper Kupp hauled in the winning TD, and now ...

Matty $taff has won the Super Bowl. In his first shot at the crown with a team that does not suck.

In this very, very special episode, live from South Haven, Michigan, we mostly marvel at what has occurred, paying homage to Staff, his smoking hot wife, adorable twins, and the entire Rams organization. Even though Matt didn't win MVP, he was the engine that drove the Rams to Super Bowl glory, time and time again saving the Rams with laser throws and unflappable leadership. 

I could go on, but suffice it to say that we end with a mighty, 3-part Ram Jam.

ALL HAIL MATTHEW STAFFORD, SUPERBOWL CHAMPION!

What? A February episode of RAA? That's right bitches! Thanks to the mighty hand and outstretched rocket  right arm of our savior, John Matthew Stafford, we have survived to pod another day, well into the stretch of time and space known as Super Bowl Week.

In this unprecedented episode we celebrate the Lazarus-like resurrection and redemption of Matty Staff, who has emerged from the Lions wasteland to lead the Rams to the fucking Super Bowl! We offer mea culpas to Staff, who we have repeatedly maligned on this pod for not being top-tier and quite good enough to get the Roar over the hump. Sorry, Matt! We are thrilled to admit that we were stone cold wrong. It's not you who sucked donkey balls. It is, of course, the Lions, a franchise so putrid and wicked that it has forced several of the best ballers of all time--we see you, Barry & Megatron--to quit at the peak of their powers rather than play another down for the Ford family. 

We talk about a bunch of other related stuff, but suffice it to say this pod is a Matthew Stafford love fest. It's well worth mentioning that the proceedings are much enlivened by a guest appearance from Fantetti, whose thick stache and vast store of trivial knowledge, combined with a seething hatred for the Lions and grudging respect for Staff, take the whole thing to another level. With Fantetti on board, we end with a marvelous 4-part harmonized ROAR!

LET'S GO MATTY STAFF! YOU'RE IN THE GODDAMN SUPER BOWL! WIN THIS MOTHERFUCKER FOR ROARAHOLICS NATION AND FOR YOUR SMOKING HOT WIFE AND ADORABLE TWINS! LET'S FUCKING GO!

Well, ladies and gents (exclusively gents, actually), once again the RAA crew has run into a wall of Lions sucktitude and decided that this will be the final episode of this sorry, sorry season. After our requisite 9-week mental health break, we reconvene and recap what's been going on during our long period of silence. Deano Blandino has leaned fully into bowling, getting high on the sweet smell of his weirdly scented bowling ball and piling up 200+ games ... Impossible Lomas has earned top marks from the RAA board of directors for really not giving a single fuck about the Roar this year ... and Uncle Ted has grown a frothy beard and also dug deep to exorcise the demon Lions from his mortal soul. We contemplate the parallel suckiness of both the Lions and Pistons, whose combined ineptitude has apparently opened a portal into another dimension where everything sucks grotesquely mutated donkey balls. We ponder the rise of the Lions lone "bright spot," wide receiver Amon St. Rah (or whatever the fuck his name is) and laugh mirthlessly at the notion that the Roar are poised for a successful rebuild. We also bust out an acapela version of "Ball of the Donkey" and end this episode, and the 3rd season of RAA, with a filthy, broken down 3-pat harmonized ROAR!

And so, fellow Roaraholics, we bid you adieu until next season. Stay strong, work the steps, and never forget that, no matter who they draft, no matter who's the coach, no matter if the good Lord above decrees otherwise ... the Lions will always suck.

The general tone of this episode is gobsmackedness ... Insofar as Impossible Lomas, Uncle Ted, and Deano Blandino are utterly gobsmacked that the Roar pulled off a first quarter onside kick and not one but two (2!) fake punts, and of course still lost ... We spend a lot of time pondering what other sorts of trick plays the Lions can pull out from the trunk of their collective clown car (many of them involving superlative punter Jack Fox punting the ball directly into the balls of A) an onrushing defender, or B) the opposing coach standing on the sidelines) ... We are joined by Gedaliah, aka Jedediah,  son of Brad, who despite his youthful vigor and innocent and buoyant demeanor, is a shambles of a human specimen, hopelessly infected by the virus of roaraholicism ... We do briefly remark on the fact that the Lions D did not suck the largest donkey balls on offer, instead opting for a slightly less bulbous pair ... And we pay homage to Matty Staff, who once again played like the best QB in the league ... In song parody news, we lay the groundwork for an "Eye of the Tiger" knockoff, working title "Ball of the Donkey" ... After passing the two hour mark, we close with a customary three-part roar ... But wait, there's more! If you listen to the very end, your ears will be baptized with the world premier of Impossible Lomas Productions latest release, and the newest addition to the RAA liturgy, "Oh Lord, the Lions Will Always Suck!"

Impossible Lomas Productions is proud to present the latest addition to the RAA liturgy.

In this heartfelt episode, Deano once again bares his soul and, in the tone of a man whose spirit has been good and fully crushed, wonders aloud why the Lord has afflicted with Roaraholicism ... Impossible Lomas makes a triumphant, be-robed comeback as Lomas, who catches ya'll up on how he's been dealing with Covid and tells tales from yesteryear about what it was like to be on really shit Lions teams back in the day ... We--or, at least, Uncle Ted and Imp Lomas--revel in yet another masterful performance from Matty Staff and glorious Rams victory ... And then, we sort of wonder what else there is to talk about regarding the 2021 Lions. They are, by design, either the worst team in the league or one of the two worst teams (the Texans also suck major donkey balls), stripped bare of talent to the point that if they don't end up with the worst record and therefore the 1st pick in the draft, it will be a major upset. The games themselves don't offer up much in the way talking points.

And so ...

We've reached that point in the season when we switch from mostly Lions stuff to mostly non-Lions stuff, including (but not limited to) song parodies, original songs exploring the night of the dark soul that is this season, guest appearances, buco bowling updates, and who knows what else?

The Roar lose on yet another last second, 50+ yard field goal, for the second week in a row, becoming the only team to undergo such humiliation and gut punch madness. We are ... nonplussed? After literally a lifetime of Lions sucktitude, it's hard to get too worked up about one more loss, no matter how bizarre. 

Deano admires Coach Campbell's manly tears during the post-game presser and his ability to get this group of low-talent rejects to play really hard.

We fantasize about how cool it would be if the Roar keep losing on ever-longer, game-ending field goals, until by season's end opposing kickers are lining up at the back of their own end zone. Impossible Lomas floats the theory that the Fords were involved in the assassination of JFK, given that the Ford Family bought the Lions in 1963 on the exact same day that JFK got his head blow off. How else to explain the curse that's infected this franchise ever since? 

Uncle Ted revels in Matt Staff's bounce-back victory over the Seahawks, and we unanimously agree that getting traded to the Rams was the best thing to happen to $taff since getting drafted by the Lions (trumping even his wife's surgery to remove a brain tumor). 

Deano commits to laying down more lucre, betting against the Roar in next week's tilt against the not-so-mighty Bengals. 

Impossible mourns the season-ending injury to Quintez Cephus, the Roar's best receiver, who was poised to have a breakout year.

We one again fuck up the concluding roar, requiring a second take to deliver a surprisingly gentle and heartfelt three-part RAA salute.

The RAA crew--Uncle Ted, Deano Blandino, and Impossible Lomas--don't spend much time breaking down the Lions expected loss to the nearly as horrible Bears because, really, what's there to say? The Lions suck donkey balls of the exact shape, size, texture, and most likely taste that we all predicted during the pre-season. Instead, Uncle T regales us with the tale of watching the game with his brother-in-law on his in-laws majestic TV, indulging in a game to see which franchise sucks hardest and longest. (Spoiler alert: it's not even close.) Deano, in the aftermath of his youngest son's bar mitzvah, deliver a heartfelt plea to the powers that be, begging to be released from the curse of caring about the Lions. (Spoiler alert 2: it'll never happen.) Further compounding Deano's doldrums, he has let his bowling lessons slide, just as he was learning the mysteries of the hook shot. On the positive side, Deano's '80s/'90s cover band has put together a solid set list. Meanwhile, Impossible Lomas spent most of this episode getting impossibly transported by puffing on the chronic, pausing just long enough to opine that the Roar's sucktitude has entered a new realm of darkness--one utterly without hope for the future, barring the Roar braintrust nailing the next 5-6 drafts and somehow landing a generational QB1 (the statistical odds of which are approximately 0.0000000000000002.) Our concluding Roar is marred by Uncle Ted starting on too high a note, requiring a second take, which got the job done.

Until next time, we remain lost souls searching for a way out but only succeeding in digging ourselves in ever deeper.

Uncle Ted, Deano, and Impossible Lomas once again meld their minds to deliver to you, our devoted listener, another penetrating, scintillating, and enervating episode of RAA. We debate the proper level of Rams/Matty Staff fandom ... We marvel at how Dan Campbell and the Lions coaching staff seem to have this JV-level squad playing hard and actually trying, as demonstrated by their almost win against the mighty Ravens ... We also marvel that the Roar have discovered yet another way to lose, this time via a record-breaking, 66-yard boot off the crossbar ... Deano reveals that he's not only taking bowling lessons but is in an 80's/90's rock cover band ... And, to conclude, we attempt a few variations of our traditional three-part harmonized Roar, with varying degrees of success.

In this riveting episode of RAA ... Impossible Lomas, Uncle Ted, and Deano Blandino review the Lion's desultory and entirely predictable loss to the Packers on the road, remarking on how thrilled the Pack must have been to welcome the Roar to town after getting bitch slapped last week by the Saints ... We duly give props to Jared Goff, who only sometimes sucks donkey balls, and to the Lion's run game, which ironically is actually pretty good (ironic insofar as the Roar waited until after trading Matty Staff to build a decent rushing attack) ... We marvel at TJ Hockenson's astonishing head of frothy lettuce and woodsman beard ... And we continue to marvel at the level of immense sucktitude of the defense. Deano's ongoing bowling vision quest goes unremarked upon (we'll catch up with it next week) ... Meanwhile, Matty Staff and the Rams remain awesome, even if Staff's performance was slightly less awesome than last week ... And we conclude by unleashing several takes of a new and improved multipart-harmonized ROAR!

Opening the show with a bold, nay, STUNNING gambit, Uncle Ted reveals an astonishing rebrand of RAA: Rams Are Awesome! Blindly following Ted's lead, we revel in Matty Staff's auspicious debut in a Ram's uni (dude bro posted the best QB rating of his damn career!). On the flip side, we reluctantly submerge our collective self back into the muck and shit of Roardom ... We marvel at the televised sideline humiliation of Poor Jeff Okudah, whose very public dressing down by his position coach will surely be enshrined in the NFL TV hall of fame ... We also speculate that tearing his achilles and missing the rest of the season (and possibly the rest of his career) may be the best thing that's happened to Poor Jeff in a while ... We express mild concern at the Roar's 4th quarter comeback, leavened by the probability that the 49s had stopped trying sometime near the middle of the 3rd quarter ... We welcome our first guest of the season, Air Low, who gallantly debased himself by watching the Lions - 49rs suckfest. Deano regales us with another chapter of his bowling odyssey (Blandino's learning to roll a hook, ya'll!) ... We conclude the episode with a solemn blowing of the Shroarfar, ushering in another Lions season that shall surely be written into the Book of Suck. Gmar chatima roara!

The RAA crew--Deano Blandino, Uncle Ted, and Impossible Lomas--are back for Season 3! Deano tells the sordid tale of being emasculated by a bowling pro shop proprietor, signing up for bowling lessons, and unlearning everything he thought he knew about rolling. Uncle Ted ships out his daughter to European parts unknown. Impossible L is just trying to keep his shit together as we begin the long dive down the fetid, foul-smelling shithole that is this upcoming Lions season. Speaking of which ... The guys identify mighty few reasons for even a hint of optimism ... Although we are somewhat excited for Matty Staff and intrigued to find out whether the best QB in modern Roar history was a stud stuck on a shit team, or if he'll turn out to be who we thought he was: a B/B+ dude-bro with a cannon arm and an 5 - 87,983 record against teams with a winning record. And zero playoff victories. Big question: Can the Lions become the first team to go 0-17? Here's hoping! Also, some incredibly moving musical interludes.

Just when we thought we were out ... they drag us back in! For once, the Lions Football Club does something unpredictable and arguably smart, namely moving on from the Matt Stafford era. The only way to respond to such epic news was to host an epic RAA struggle session. And by jove, we deliver. Uncle Ted, Deano, and Impossible Lomas react to new Lions coach Dan Campbell's macho press conference. We're soon joined by Matt Fantetti and Adam Air Low-y, who flatout bring it. We ponder Staff's future and wish him well ... We try to figure out of Jared Goff is good ... and generally applaud the Roar for rolling the dice for once and getting a pretty sweet haul in return for the best QB we've ever had. Will any of this make one bit of difference in the Lion's fortunes? Probably not. But, as always, we're on board for the long haul. So, this is most likely the last episode of this fucked up season. But you never know.

The RAA crew grudgingly reconvenes for one last pod to eulogize another season that, much like a crippled and ailing dog, desperately needed to be put down and put out of its misery. Should the Roar move on from Matt Stafford, the best Lion's QB of the past 50+ years (and maybe ever)? Will whomever the new coach and GM turn out to be make much of a difference? Will the "braintrust" somehow find a draft sleeper who will turn the franchise around? Will the Fords magically transform into owners dedicated to building a winning franchise?* Anyhow, despite a season crammed with lowlights and depressing outcomes, we had a lot of fun plumbing the depths of a franchise that, despite everything, continues to have a grip on our hearts and minds. I'd like to say that RAA has truly worked and that we won't be back next season ... but you know we will. Until then, Godspeed and good luck.

*Yes; probably not; highly unlikely; not in a gazillion years.