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Two Dicks in a Bar

Two Dicks in a Bar

By Jesse Walcutt

Two dicks in a bar talking with their friends and random people that join
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Two Dicks chatting at the bar

Two Dicks in a BarDec 21, 2019

00:00
46:30
To sell or not to sell?

To sell or not to sell?

Two dicks, talk dreams and try to figure out how to listen to each other.
Mar 28, 202459:26
For your consideration, the Dicks give you, the Jesse birthday episode!

For your consideration, the Dicks give you, the Jesse birthday episode!

Jesse gets distracted by Mike’s need for alcohol and his story suffers terribly because of it, but… We get drinks. Huzzah!
Mar 21, 202458:60
You are destined to listen to this podcast… or not.

You are destined to listen to this podcast… or not.

Modern dating, tic-tok’s that kill us one day at a time, or there’s no free will. Best of luck either way.
Mar 14, 202401:54:07
The Dicks call out Joe Rogan, but not in a fighting way. Remember, patience is a virtue.

The Dicks call out Joe Rogan, but not in a fighting way. Remember, patience is a virtue.

The hypocrisy of the two-party system and other rants. While Mike is away the Dicks will play.
Mar 07, 202459:26
Flower versus vape? This might be the decision between homelessness and sleeping on Jesse‘s lawn.

Flower versus vape? This might be the decision between homelessness and sleeping on Jesse‘s lawn.

Two out of three dicks agree, the world is leaving everyone behind. Two out of three dicks, agree, having kids is a waste of money. Two out of three dicks, agree, cast will eat your eyes out of your skull after you die. Pick one and invite your friends that disagree.
Feb 29, 202401:57:30
Designing your next Gloryhole? This episode is for you.

Designing your next Gloryhole? This episode is for you.

Valentine’s Day suggestions, moral dilemmas, and the lowdown on Mr. Bean.
Feb 15, 202458:56
The Dicks talk so long they end up with a two-part episode? Son of a …

The Dicks talk so long they end up with a two-part episode? Son of a …

The social studies episode? More like the dick said a few dirty words!
Feb 08, 202401:52:34
Censored? Not this podcast.

Censored? Not this podcast.

Reforming schools, labor laws, mushroom trips, and anything else your child is involved in.
Feb 01, 202459:12
Ed reviews Tool as Jesse got reviewed. Guess who got one star.

Ed reviews Tool as Jesse got reviewed. Guess who got one star.

The Dick’s hear about Jesse‘s upcoming camping trip with the kids, and Disc Golf. Lots of Disc Golf. We’re sorry, too much Disc Golf.
Jan 25, 202458:23
Not all trips to New York include barhopping with a dead body, but this one does!

Not all trips to New York include barhopping with a dead body, but this one does!

Dad jokes, sports talk, and the Iowa caucuses, don’t worry, it gets better. Not much but better.
Jan 18, 202458:21
Looking for coffee or eggs? Then this is not the podcast for you.

Looking for coffee or eggs? Then this is not the podcast for you.

The Vagina Queen stops by and knocks us off our soapbox and onto the boxspring.
Jan 11, 202458:47
2024 New Year new Dicks… Na!

2024 New Year new Dicks… Na!

The Dicks realize people can’t read anymore, and that monopolies rule… No cap.
Jan 04, 202457:45
Come on in and have a seat, the Dicks are just about to get into…drugs!

Come on in and have a seat, the Dicks are just about to get into…drugs!

If you’ve ever been interested or curious about the mastication proclamation… Then get ready for the dicks, new segment, Dick tips!
Dec 28, 202359:08
Which Dick’s father used the popcorn bucket move on said Dick’s mother?! Welcome to the 2023 Two Dicks in a Bar holiday show!

Which Dick’s father used the popcorn bucket move on said Dick’s mother?! Welcome to the 2023 Two Dicks in a Bar holiday show!

The Dicks are excited to bring in the holidays with discussions about corpse steam, kink shaming, and butt stuff. Can’t wait to see what 2024 brings.
Dec 21, 202359:08
Step aside, Meyer Briggs, the Dicks discover a new personality test.

Step aside, Meyer Briggs, the Dicks discover a new personality test.

The dicks share their big five. Who’s neurotic, extroverted, or aborting things in Texas? Tune in to find out!
Dec 14, 202358:57
Welcome to the hundredth episode of Two Dicks in a Bar! Hope you survive.

Welcome to the hundredth episode of Two Dicks in a Bar! Hope you survive.

K holes, dive bars, and the Congress, all things, George Santos got kicked out of this week, on Two Dicks in a Bar.
Dec 07, 202356:47
Strap-on as the dicks discuss Build-A-Bear for adults. Ball gag anyone?

Strap-on as the dicks discuss Build-A-Bear for adults. Ball gag anyone?

The dicks get into a podcast discussing how an individual’s inability to face grief leads him to put his mother’s likeness into AI. OK, it’s not AI, it’s a large language model. Fine damn Jesse!
Nov 23, 202359:01
The origin of the monkey wrench and other things that are rocket sciency!

The origin of the monkey wrench and other things that are rocket sciency!

The Dicks talk War Games, Tyson being wrong, Brett’s Comedy fiasco, and bisexuality with LEE!!
Nov 16, 202357:26
Marie Antoinette, Keanu Reeves, and the ever elusive sexual unicorn, who has the best catch phrase?

Marie Antoinette, Keanu Reeves, and the ever elusive sexual unicorn, who has the best catch phrase?

Are you excited by robots, covered by the carcasses of dead animals? Then this episode of Two Dicks in a Bar is for you! Necro, robotics, obscure Keanu Reeves quotes, & a creepy Uncle story! This episode has it all.
Nov 09, 202354:24
The Dicks talk dating while naked, cat calls, and hand jobs. Cuz we classy yo!

The Dicks talk dating while naked, cat calls, and hand jobs. Cuz we classy yo!

Everyone’s favorite, “Jesse’s podcast podcast update” brings catcalls to center stage before learning about Mike’s debilitating disappointment in the world’s degradation of appointment setting.
Nov 02, 202359:29
Hairy things show up… i.e. poor driving, celiac disease, & Marlowe

Hairy things show up… i.e. poor driving, celiac disease, & Marlowe

The dicks are excited to welcome the new speaker of the house, and finally Jesse‘s cave of bones.
Oct 27, 202356:56
No one notices the gorilla when we focus on Suzanne Sommers selling thigh masters.

No one notices the gorilla when we focus on Suzanne Sommers selling thigh masters.

Speaking of distractions, while we focus on the passing of summer, remember… If they ask for your information, they don’t have your best interest at heart.
Oct 19, 202358:37
Call the Mohel, the Dicks are cutting Florida.

Call the Mohel, the Dicks are cutting Florida.

Lumpy pillow fights will soon decide the Speaker, since acting like children is the name of the game.
Oct 05, 202358:47
Scratching lapels, organic transitions, and sports! Wait, sports?!!?

Scratching lapels, organic transitions, and sports! Wait, sports?!!?

The Dick’s discuss the Dolphins latest win… Because you know they talk about manly shit, and… Have you heard about the mustachioed hunk Swift is dating? Oh, boy!
Sep 28, 202357:02
Danny and Russell are rapists…but not the Dick!

Danny and Russell are rapists…but not the Dick!

If you aren’t feeling someone up in Beetlejuice, then what are you doing with your life?
Sep 21, 202359:29
Jesse’s mushroom tip…I mean trip!Trip!

Jesse’s mushroom tip…I mean trip!Trip!

The Dinka are all about everything…except jinxing Mel Brooks. We did not jinx Mel! We hope. Oh, and two disco spontaneously sing Norwegian Wood, go Beatles.
Sep 14, 202358:55
Jesse’s podcast - podcast update!

Jesse’s podcast - podcast update!

The dicks make sure a gambling intervention isn’t necessary breakdown, political systems around the world, and Jesse gets a new nickname…
Sep 07, 202358:58
Old politicians are good as mannikins, coatracks, and speed Lane companions. Best of Luck McConnel.

Old politicians are good as mannikins, coatracks, and speed Lane companions. Best of Luck McConnel.

Hip-hop may turn 50 this year, but the dicks are bitching about the lack of youth in government. Yep, that sounds like fun. Tune in!
Sep 01, 202358:20
Jesse has to pee. This episode title is unimportant in the grand scheme of things.

Jesse has to pee. This episode title is unimportant in the grand scheme of things.

The dicks talk good subs, the rise of the golf cart culture, and mascots in the Florida region.
Aug 24, 202357:49
86 this episode… too on the nose?

86 this episode… too on the nose?

The Dicks discover the genesis of ALL conspiracy theories! Jesse did end up joining a cult, Ed joins the 80%, and Mike joins the shade, frowned upon by others that work in the solar panel industry. Byeeeeeaaaah.
Aug 17, 202356:30
The heat makes everything slow, except death. It speeds up death.

The heat makes everything slow, except death. It speeds up death.

The dicks mainly complain about the Florida heat, but you also get an unrequested look into the inner workings of the bar, Jesse’s cult contemplation, and your new retirement plan.
Aug 10, 202356:36
UFOs, UAPs, and FBIs which three letter acronym is going to get us first.

UFOs, UAPs, and FBIs which three letter acronym is going to get us first.

Ed wanted to talk pits, tits, and grits. Instead the pirates invade, and no one is safe…except the books. The books are safe.
Aug 04, 202356:31
Incest, Flat-Earthers, and the Moon landing hoax, all things the Dicks did not tackle this week

Incest, Flat-Earthers, and the Moon landing hoax, all things the Dicks did not tackle this week

Are you looking for the answer to, “what is a fear boner?”, “should Yahweh be a common name?”, or if Mitch ever unfroze? Tune in!
Jul 28, 202356:41
Shanking, stabbing, and striking….the Dicks cover it all.

Shanking, stabbing, and striking….the Dicks cover it all.

Still contemplating the chicken or the egg debate? Worried about the writers’ and whether they’ll get what they deserve? Still… the Dicks got you covered. Fine, Jesse! I’ll capitalize DICKS. =)
Jul 13, 202359:17
The Dicks discuss how the hottest day on record turned into one of the highest shooting days on record. Go Guns!!

The Dicks discuss how the hottest day on record turned into one of the highest shooting days on record. Go Guns!!

Mike gets some job-hunting advice, we hear about Jesse’s Father’s white world album theory, and Indiana Jones makes his way into Jesse’s holiday weekend.
Jul 06, 202359:17
The two dicks are all up in human nature and the Florida legislature

The two dicks are all up in human nature and the Florida legislature

Now on display, Jesse’s Ill-timed marathon, his ex-wife’s porn-star boss, and his arachnophobia. Guess which one will be screaming back into your ear holes next week.
Jun 30, 202359:09
Disc golf, marshmallow tests, and prison riots…choose one.

Disc golf, marshmallow tests, and prison riots…choose one.

This week the dicks welcome back their favorite prison guard to talk legal prostitution. Han Solo’s carbonite nightmares, and delaying gratification. No, not edging Mike! Geez.
Jun 23, 202358:14
Trumps 2nd arraignment? Nope, let’s talk puberty blockers

Trumps 2nd arraignment? Nope, let’s talk puberty blockers

After a difficult start, the Dicks get stuck in a bud light back and froth, result in a trans dilemma. Sorry it was a dilemma from birth, unless you call it something different. Hand slams forehead.
Jun 16, 202358:46
Politics? We don’t need no stinkin’ politics.

Politics? We don’t need no stinkin’ politics.

The dicks aren’t distracted by the local GOP race, instead Jesse gives away a great car club idea, and Ed reveals if he killed any animals over the last week.
Jun 08, 202355:39
Camping, sports, and the presidential race….Florida shows up everywhere.

Camping, sports, and the presidential race….Florida shows up everywhere.

The dicks focus their attention on the writers’ strike, peace River, and the club-swinging underdog of the week.
May 25, 202357:45
The Dicks get Pinocchio to lie in the bedroom, try the long pig.

The Dicks get Pinocchio to lie in the bedroom, try the long pig.

The upcoming solar storm is going to test Jesse’s eyesight into the quantum realm
May 18, 202359:44
The dicks get stuck on politics and gun reform, or the lack there of.

The dicks get stuck on politics and gun reform, or the lack there of.

After the Spanish pronoun conversation transitioned into one concerning Trump’s latest failure, one of the dicks invites daddy DeSantis to come down and dole out spankings.
May 11, 202357:18
This week credit costs and Kava sucks

This week credit costs and Kava sucks

The dicks throw shit at the wall and hope it tastes like spaghetti….Damn! Pay our writers!
May 04, 202357:43
This week , third period fight club, Disney vs. DeSantis, and bye bye Tuck.

This week , third period fight club, Disney vs. DeSantis, and bye bye Tuck.

This week, The dicks invite local funny man and trivia host Brett Morris back with his friend Matteo. And no that’s not a nickname for his junk.
Apr 28, 202357:43
Two Dicks discuss DeSantis & Dominion on Devil’s lettuce day

Two Dicks discuss DeSantis & Dominion on Devil’s lettuce day

The Dicks go over the log-term ramifications of the previous week’s plethora of political shenanigans and pudding.
Apr 21, 202359:30
Guests and shots! The dicks share their thoughts on DeSatntis’s new woke killing gun law with Josh and Jay, and agree on how great it is to conceal things in your pants

Guests and shots! The dicks share their thoughts on DeSatntis’s new woke killing gun law with Josh and Jay, and agree on how great it is to conceal things in your pants

The dicks question Sherpas, wearable fitness trackers, and the inappropriate use of your penis, in certain situations.
Apr 17, 202356:54
Guest dick and local funny man Brett Morris,sits in while the dicks discuss vacationing, Ukrainian roulette, & Ed’s feet

Guest dick and local funny man Brett Morris,sits in while the dicks discuss vacationing, Ukrainian roulette, & Ed’s feet

The dicks discover Jesse’s new prideful side hustle and why it’s better to be the suckee than the sucker
Apr 14, 202356:12
The dicks talk tournament of death, the death of mom & pop stores, and the death of driving cars

The dicks talk tournament of death, the death of mom & pop stores, and the death of driving cars

Since the dicks didn’t get into the topic of marriage, they took a hard left and discussed the renaissance festival and what’s killing children.
Mar 30, 202359:15
Two dicks recall bad dates, bedroom talk, and the money shot

Two dicks recall bad dates, bedroom talk, and the money shot

After hearing about someone’s mothers history of being a nun, the dicks got into explaining “Cosby sweater sex,” and heard an eerily similar story, # fruitypebbles
Mar 23, 202358:43
Execute order 66! Two dicks discuss Darth Maul, dark places, and damaged pipes

Execute order 66! Two dicks discuss Darth Maul, dark places, and damaged pipes

Caution: this episode deals with issues of suicide and suicidal ideations. If you or someone you know, is struggling with these topics, please know you are not alone dial 988 and speak to people that care.
Mar 16, 202358:04