When I saw what I believed to be the nose of my surfboard poking above the lip of the wave I felt hopeful.
Could this really be me? Was I doing that? Am I doing this surfing thing better than I thought that I was?
Upon closer examination, it’s not what it seems. Look at the photo. Do you see a bit of water? That's a splash. That splash came from me. That splash was a wipeout.
The way the photo’s framed it makes me look pro. When I first looked, I thought I was successful. But the success of me surfing vertically was an illusion. It was the way Karl framed it.
So I failed.
But I was also successful.
I caught the wave and surfed what it gave me. I fell successfully. I remember the wave. I had fun. It was a enjoyable wipeout and a win for me.
Looking at the photo with a rush of excitement thinking, Oh my god, is that me? After all the effort, can I surf so well, that I could ride a wave and have the nose of my board pop out over the top? Is this something that’s now possible for me? For that moment, it was.
And then I looked again and felt the satisfaction drain away. Oh, no, I really don’t. Seeing that splash and knowing that it was actually a wipeout. Yet another fail.
This has happened to me frequently in life. There are many times where I’ve looked at what I’ve done, and thought: Jim, you really killed it there - great job! When, in reality I had wiped out.
And? I’ve had loads of times in my life where the opposite was true. I thought that what I had done was a car wreck of an enterprise. I believed that I had wiped out at living. In reality, I hadn't wiped out. In fact, I was successful, but in a way that was unfamiliar to me.
It's taken a while to learn what is a success. Because sometimes things that are successful and work out well feel like a wipeout at first. Like a job interview that felt terrible but resulted in a challenging new position. Have you ever thought or believed you were really successful when you blew it? Or are there times where you thought you'd really wiped out but were fantastic?
What’s easier for you to imagine - A great wave or a wipeout?
Much of the time the shame that emerges when examining what's wrong with us interferes with our ability to make change happen in our own lives.
For everything that we think is broken, whether it's a behaviour, thought pattern or feeling, there's likely a really functional explanation.
When we look at things through this functional lens, there isn't room for shame and we can then begin to choose which aspects of ourselves we use and when do we use them.
So, what is something that you thought was a 'problem' about yourself that's actually really powerful?
Have any questions you'd like me to answer on the podcast? Leave me a message .
Here in the Northern Hemisphere, it's springtime. Living in Canada makes this particularly significant. We've endured months of inhospitable and at times harsh weather. The ground has thawed. The first bulbs have delivered their beauty. The crocuses made their entrances proclaiming: This is just the beginning! More soon!
The sap has run through the trees. Branches are heavy with buds ready to burst.
The soil is cool, damp, rich, fertile - ready to explode.
We've been forced to stay away. Stay away from each other. Don't drive anywhere. Don't travel anywhere. Stay away from the parks. Stay away from nature. Stay away from spring.
Recently, after the horrific events that plagued Nova Scotia, our chief medical officer of health was quoted as saying that 'pandemics don't care about grief'. I would counter that grief doesn't care about pandemics either. Grief, grieving and mourning are all natural processes - like spring - and need to run their course. People have deep, human needs more important that hiding indoors. People need people. People need connection. People need touch.
As we continue to move past the peak in this province, our real, human, psycho-physical needs will become more apparent. Spring and the sensations it brings to us physically - those feelings of a slightly shallow breath, of 'quickening' of the pursuit of sensual pleasure - will eventually rule the day.
There's a pandemic. And. Spring doesn't care.
Go play outside.
This episode details - in a slightly disorganized and convoluted way - how we dropped out of the rat race of life in a large city.
In doing so, we've made some sacrifices and, had some losses. In doing so however, our lives have become enriched by less pressure to perform and more connection with the people and activities we care about.
This is going to be a short blog post. You're going to have to listen to the episode to find out what I'm saying. And I'll give you the quick version. The good enough Network is created for and by people who are good enough. We are perfectly imperfect certainly uncertain and exceptionally mediocre people. embracing this truth has been a path to freedom if you're curious listen. And if you'd like to join or find out more about the good enough Network shoot me an e-mail send me a voice something or find me on Instagram as the surfing therapist. Because if you're interested in giving up on perfect and want to live a life that's good enough, this is the place to begin.
Five years ago today I was wearing a dust mask and covered in drywall dust. I was working on completing the renovation of the basement of our house in Toronto. The basement was being finished because we were finished with both the house and our life in Toronto.
It was time to reinvent ourselves
We were fed up with traffic. We were sick and tired of being stuck on cramped buses, subways and street cars. Sure the city had world class arts events. We were so house poor we couldn't afford to get into what the city offered - even if we had time to make it to a cultural offering. There was a considerable number of free public things to do. I found them intolerably crowded. We talked about things as a family and discovered what we wanted.
We wanted less and more
We wanted less time in traffic and more dinners together as a family. We wanted less crowds and more open spaces. We wanted a less debt and more security. We wanted a less cluttered house and more room to breath. We wanted less driving to the country and more time in nature. We wanted less time working for our wages and more time to create.
We found this by moving
We sold our house in Toronto, moved to Dartmouth and began to make these desires a reality. The next few blog posts and podcasts will cover some of the things we needed to do, to consider and, to learn in order to make this happen.
Released in 1994, Reality Bites spoke to me as a film. I'm not quite certain why I loved it so much.
The soundtrack was, at that time, the best since the soundtrack to 'Singles'. (only to be surpassed by the soundtrack to Pulp Fiction). The stars of the film were all young, up and coming actors. It likely helped that at the time, I had been mildly obsessed with Wynona Ryder since Beetlejuice. Really though, it could have been anyone playing the roles.
Generation X coming of age
Reality Bites captured for me the difficulties I had coming of age. It was released as I was finishing university faced with zero chance of employment, advancement or hope for my future. The reality at that time was that people graduating at the top of their classes were faced with jobs at fast food restaurants. Little was available to anyone. The reality of that situation was terrible.
Generation X reality
I'm a proud, card carrying member of Generation X. Douglas Copeland captured something essential that I knew right away: Companies really don't give a shit about me. My life / lifestyle was likely not going to be an improvement on that of my baby boomer parents. I understood then that my work was probably going to go nowhere and my opportunities for advancement would be hard fought and minuscule at best and likely thwarted at every turn by some baby boomer progress stopper.
Knowing reality helped
This version of reality, jaded and contemptuous of the systems has served me well thus far. In my twenties, I lowered my expectations for myself in terms of income and impact. I focused instead on just experiencing life as best I could with what I had. There was a time in the late 90's I worked just one night a week at a bar, practiced yoga daily and spent the rest of my time walking extra slow in a city that seemed hell bent on constantly rushing.
Generation X in middle age
Funny thing happened while Douglas Copeland was telling us all that our futures were hopeless. Hoped slipped in. Hope that we could have a career. Hope that we could have a family. Hope that we could make a difference. Hope that we 'should' continue to improve. I find myself, surrounded by friends who put the mask of happiness, of agency and efficacy on social media, all the while dwelling in mediocrity and the misery of unfulfilled hopes and promises.
The tyranny of the 'shoulds'
Frequently we expect our lives to be different than they are. We 'should' be further along in our careers. We 'should' get our financials in order. We 'should' take better care of our health. People 'should' treat us better. Reality check? 'Shoulds' are a fantasy. 'Shoulds' are not real. Moreover, when we don't embrace the reality of our situation, we become slaves to our 'shoulds'. When we can't embrace what is real, we don't feel the pain of the truth of our existence and change becomes more difficult
Make a change now
Write down three things in your life that you think 'should' be different. What's the desire behind the this? What's the truth of the fantasy of 'what should be'? How can embracing this reality be the first step for you to make a change?
Leave me a voice message here in the Anchor app, or reply to this to tell me your three shoulds and the reality beneath them.
Making changes as an adult typically take longer than we would like.
Clients of mine frequently grow frustrated after eight to ten sessions. They see me for two months and expect to have changed a behavior that has served them and hurt them for decades. They are irritated with me. They think my interventions are not enough. Or, they get irritated with themselves. They give up, frustrated with the belief that they'll "never get it".
Adults have high expectations of themselves and each other
Many of our expectations surround learning, growth and change. These expectations get in the way of reality. We concoct stories in our head about change - how long we believe it should take, what we think it should cost. These expectations we come by honestly. Schools teach us that if you don't 'get it' by a certain time, you're behind or broken. These timelines are artificial and frequently don't help much.
Imagine it was a newborn
Newborn babies are garbage when it comes to holding their heads up. They suck at using a toilette. Feeding themselves? That's a total mess. They, like clients trying to make a change, are learning survival skills. They are learning something totally new. And the adults have patience for them.
When it comes to new behaviors, you're more like a toddler than a master. When you become aware of a less helpful way of being in the world, you're likely going to be shitty at changing. Every now and then you'll have a victory. Every now and then you'll do things differently. These new behaviors are exceptions, not the norm. You'll likely screw up and go back to the old way again.
Accepting reality vs being surprised
When you working to change your life, you'll revert to shitty old behaviors more often than not. These 'creative adaptations' that have served you for decades will likely reappear time and time again. If you're surprised by this fact, the first thing you'll have to do is get beyond the surprise, shock, shame and host of other feelings before having an opportunity to learn and move on.
So, remember, when you were a child you were terrible at wiping your ass, how should this new skill be any different?
The answer is simple. Life is complex. Most who responded are dealing with complex problems.
The way forward may be more simple than you imagine.
It starts with two questions: What are your given circumstances? In other words, what are all the factors impacting your reality? Second question, what do you want?
The questions are simple. The work to answer them is emotionally difficult. The way forward is paved with pain.
Luckily, you get to chose what pain you want.
Yep. Chose your pain. Life isn't going to be perfect. Prince charming isn't coming. You will get old, wither and die. There is no 'happily ever after'.
People have difficulties getting what they want out of life. Frequently this is due to not asking.
What holds you back from asking?
What interrupts you from reaching out to the world to get what you want?
Listen to the podcast to hear my thoughts on asking.
And, fill in this survey for me to create content that addresses personal problems that are important to you:
I used to be a wedding DJ. At my best, I did nothing but take requests. I learned sooooo much by simply listening to the crowds. I developed a feeling for what ‘worked’. When a crowd responded well, I learned how to keep that going. And if a song flopped? I could adjust on the spot and adapt to what was necessary to make it work.
I also wrote and performed my clown show, Loki’s Big Dream. Doing what worked on stage was much the same. I would respond and adapt in the moment for what was necessary for the audience. And when I surf waves or counsel clients?, I do much the same. I respond and adjust to what is happening in the moment.
As a writer? I don’t get feedback in the moment. And so I lack direction.
I want to create stories, blog posts, and podcasts that matter to you. I want to bring my best writing to you. I want to create thoughtful, heartfelt, and above all playful content with you in mind.
In order to do this, I need your help. I need to know where to go.
So I have a request. Please take a moment to answer my one-question survey.
I promise this link isn’t going to try to sell you something.
I simply want to write about things you care about from my perspective.
Here's the link:
I've had a recurring nightmare my entire life. Well, as far as i can remember anyway. In this nightmare / fever dream, I'm faced with a task. I must move an entire beach, one grain of sand at a time, using only chopsticks. Let that sink into your body for a minute.
It gets worse
In the dream, I'm tiny. I've somehow shrunk. Like I've been zapped by a nasty shrink ray. I've been made so small that each grain of sand is the size of a baseball. It's completely overwhelming.
It's also a fairly realistic dream
If you contemplate the size of our solar system, our galaxy or our universe, you'll find that we are infinitesimally small. Our size on a galactic scale makes dust look like boulders - like the glacial erratics dropped liberally around this part of the world. When you think about the scale of time in the universe, our lives are over quicker than the blink of an eye.
Despite the fact that each and every one of us is completely insignificant we take life so seriously. Despite the fact that none of us, and none of this really matters, we make a great big hairy fucking deal about the grains of sand.
Like sands through the hourglass...
The days of our lives are slipping away. It's happening much more quickly than you can imagine. Despite this, you're likely reluctant or even afraid to make even a small change in your life. It could hurt people. Making a change might. Or, you might be overstating your importance. You might be overstating your impact on the world.
Take a risk
What's one granular, small change you could start with now? What's a little change that you could make that's so small that other people would really have to pay attention to notice? How could you make a change like this happen everyday? What would happen if you did this consistently?
This is a bit of a trick question. It really depends on your goal. If your goal is entertaining others, the best jugglers juggle three items.
Why? It takes three items to juggle most patterns. And, when you keep things simple, there's more time and energy to connect with the people. Connecting with the people is where the magic happens.
The same goes for making changes in our lives
If we spend a lot of time complicating things we are likely to fall flat on our faces. With that in mind, what's the smallest change you can make on a regular basis that could potentially have a huge impact? It might not look like much, but that's how it starts. So. Get busy. You can do it. You'll find a way.
For years, before moving back to my hometown of Dartmouth Nova Scotia, I surfed regularly in the Great Lakes. Frequently people would approach us at my home break on the peanut at Ashbridges Bay in Toronto. They were curious about the whole spectacle : Wetsuits? Surfboards? People in the water riding on waves? We captured a lot of attention.
You can't surf in a lake
This is a funny one. Even though there was visible proof, right in front of their eyes, people would say this to us: "You can't surf in a lake". There would at times be someone riding a wave. I just did it. My friends had just ridden waves - surfed in a lake. And somehow? These kind souls were convinced that "You can't surf in a lake".
Belief vs reality
Eventually, they would give up on that sentence and move onto another 'belief': You guys are nuts. You must be so cold. Bit of background? We'd be surfing in January in 4 degree water, and the air at -5. No matter how much we explained that, no, we're not crazy. Our wetsuits are designed for this. And fact that the water is actually 9 degrees warmer than the air? None of this mattered. Their limited imaginations couldn't extend beyond their belief. As such, we were all crazy. We were doing the impossible - that is surfing in a lake in January in Toronto and not being completely nuts.
What do you do that's impossible?
Many of us have superpowers. Many of us can do things that others can't even begin to comprehend. For me? Surgeons. I faint at even the slightest sign of blood. No way on earth would I ever consider cutting a human open, with the hopes of putting them back together again. A motorcycle? Fine. I'd tear one apart and figure it out. But a human? No way. So - what do you have the ability to do that others see as impossible? What's something that you view as impossible that you might want to try? This can be in a relationship, at work, or just as a hobby. Experiment with what's possible. You might surprise yourself.
Are you going to continue with 'business as usual'?
Are you content to live out life as scripted by your childhood? As determined by your parents? As dictated to you by the people in your community?
Or are you ready to take charge, flip the script, grow beyond your given circumstances and improvise your way through life?
Both can work. Both require the ability to adapt and attune to emerging data.
Which will you chose?
I've been working towards writing a book. The biggest issue facing me is that as I do this, I'm constantly learning from what emerges through my creative process. This is great for life long learning. It's getting in the way of creating a product though.
Divergent thoughts from an old tree stump
I have an old juniper tree stump. Every night, I go into my basement studio and start whittling. With each cut, new things emerge. With each cut, it looks better. I love just whittling away my time. This sculpture is a long term project. I'll work on it for years.
Working as a therapist is a lot like whittling my stump. With each appointment and every intervention, things emerge. My clients find more clarity. People come and go from my practice. They say when they are done. And when they come back? We just keep whittling away again. What I bring to my work is a commitment to staying 'in process'. This is my biggest strength.
My biggest strength is also my greatest weakness
By committing to being constantly in process, I struggle with finishing a product. How are your biggest strengths also huge weaknesses?
For me as a devout agnostic, there's one truth colon. When you're born you poop your pants. Eventually you learn how to not poop your pants. You learn after much trial and error, after many failures, you learn how to poop in the toilet and wipe your own ass. If you're lucky to live long enough, you will likely start pooping in your pants again. This is a simple truth. And after you die, which is likely coming sooner than you like, you will poop your pants again. In between pooping your pants? That's What I call life.
Also known as MA, Mannequin Attack is a game started when someone says the name of the game. Anyone who hears the name of the game being said has to freeze, no matter what they're doing, until someone says the one of the players names or touches them. The person whose name is said (or gets touched) is then free. This repeats until all players are free.
I was introduced to this game by Jonathon Taylor while at the Dell Arte International School for Physical Theatre. Some people liked the game. Others did not. Either way, it became a part of our daily lives. It became a part of our culture.
We were ferocious in playing it. We played it in grocery stores. We played in at Banks. It upset people. Some, who didn't know the game felt threatened by us. We weren't a threat. That feeling they experienced? Not our problem.
We felt a great connection and all sorts of other great feelings playing this game. I miss having this kind of behavioral diversity in my life. In no way did this game make my life more efficient. It did however make things more fun.
How could a game or some behavioral diversity improve your life?
I have experienced impostor syndrome much of my life. It was very present for me when I attended the Del Arte International School for Physical Theatre in Blue Lake California.
For the most part, I'm over it these days. Here's a rambling podcast where I recount odd stories from theatre school and how I got past impostor syndrome.
Do you ever feel like an impostor? Do you feel like you're not enough or that you aren't worthy or don't belong? How do you deal?
If beauty is truth, and truth is beautiful, how does your work allow people to be more authentic? Do you do an amazing job with eyelashes, providing your clients with just enough of a mask to be more authentic with people? When you give someone a facial treatment, can they access the divine silliness that lives within all of us? When you provide a massage, what is revealed through touch? How do you deal with these authentic truths from people? How do you help the people you serve be more truthful with themselves and with others? How can you do the same?
This episode is the first in the series on beauty. When I trained in Paris with Philippe Gaulier, he asserted that a person is beautiful when they are caught in the grips of freedom and pleasure. 2 questions to keep in mind as you listen to this. First question, what is your definition of beauty? And if there's any validity in Philippe's definition of beauty, how do you help the people you serve experience more freedom and pleasure?
Holding back. Hesitating. Over-planning. Analysis paralysis. All of these things are the enemy of the creative process. When you are trying to do something new, you can't control how other people will receive what you are putting out into the world. You can't control how people will think of you. You can't control how people will judge you. And people will judge you. Some of these judgments will be favorable, others less so. What you can control are your outputs. However when you think too much about your outcomes when coming up with your outputs you can become frozen. With all this in mind, how do you get started when you're held back?
Another Jimbits - live from my bathtub.
In this episode, consider how do you communicate with others? How do clearly constructed boundaries make life easier?
What gets in the way of creating boundaries in your relationships?
Routines: How do they help support you in those you seek to serve?
How do they get crusty?
How aware of your routines are you?
How can you make conscious choices around your routines to have a more fulfilling life?
Addiction is more than just a substance. Addiction also includes compulsive behaviours, things we just can't help but do. Whether it's checking the phone, which would be me. Or my 'habit' of stirring up s*** at every opportunity. This kind of compulsive behavior limits our freedom and pleasure at being alive. How to escape it? Listen to the podcast to find out more.
Life is absurd. How serious do you want to take it? How important do you want to make it? Do you play to win, play to have fun or play not to lose? How does your approach to play impact your satisfaction with life?
What happens when you play to not lose?
I watched a group of 10 year old children try to not lose the gold medal game in a hockey tournament. They had an early two goal lead. They played hard and were fearless. With less than six minutes to go they changed. They held back. They stopped doing the things that made them wonderful. They stopped doing the things that made the magnificent. They made mistakes they got in each other's way. They ended up losing.
Our best results come without pressure
I've watched kids play sports for years. Most play their best when they don't think there are consequences, when the game doesn't matter, when they play for the joy of it.
This creates an interesting paradox
In order to be our best and most successful, we need to remove the pressure. In order to achieve our greatest successes, we need to detach our actions from the outcomes. Given how much we have been trained in schools to focus on the outcomes, this commitment to the present, to the process of being and becoming is counter-intuitive.
Beyond this paradox
How can we rekindle the spirit of play in the paradox of being highly competitive? How can you add play and levity in a sense that things don't matter to your work how can that paradox improve what you do? How do you perform under pressure? Comment below.
We now have a wood burning insert in our home. I have piles of wood. Maple, birch, oak and other assorted hardwoods are stashed all over the basement. I have piles of wood of different ages and dryness all over the yard. Each time I move each piece I'm filled with satisfaction.
The power of simple satisfaction
Most of what I do every day, I never really get to see the results of my work. I hear reports of changes from my clients. And my satisfaction in a job well done is most frequently second hand news. I feel such great comfort in the simple act of moving wood. I especially love new logs. They provide me an opportunity to cut, split, dry and then stack the wood.
The power of repetitive tasks
Working my woodpile requires me to repeat fairly mindless actions over and over again. I get into a rhythm of moving. It feels like a strange trance inducing dance for me. Somehow, I get lost in the simple act of walking back and forth with pieces of wood in my hands. I become present with the stars, the smells and the crisp night air. The pressure and detritus of my work falls away.
How do you do these things?
In your work every day, how does seeing the results of your work impact you? How do you experience satisfaction? Do you take time to 'look on your work and call it good'? Do you have any repetitive tasks that you can zone out on? How do these actions impact your ability to deliver great service?
When I lived in Paris, My teacher Philippe Gaulier would say: When you feel embarrassed, it means your clown is near. Clowns are powerful agents of change. Clowns put us in touch with our humility, our humanity. Clowns allow us to see the divine imperfection within ourselves and each other. Here is an embarrassing story about me that reveals the kind of clown I am. Trying to be perfect can lead to burn out. Laughing at ourselves is a path to transcendence.
Every two and three year old child knows this word. It's very small yet incredibly powerful. This simple word can change your life. You just need to know how and when to use it. Listen to the podcast to find out how you can change your life with one simple word.
Children frequently love the box the toy came in more than the toys themselves. These unintended gifts are expansive. The leave room for the imagination and free play. What unintended gifts do you deliver to your clients everyday? How does this enhance your work?
Beware of positive thinking people. Be wary of the secret. Belief can be transformational. It can act as an anesthetic. It can also lead to inaction.
I can believe that a ham sandwich will fall into my lap for as long as I want. And if I expect my magical thinking to deliver the sandwich? I'll likely go hungry. Are you trying to 'believe a ham sandwich onto your lap?' If so, a simple message: Reality exists. There is no Santa Clause. Go and make that sandwich yourself.
Beloved literary critic Northrop Frye talked about Archetypes in literature. These seem to have parallels in life.
Fall is the time of the death of the hero - a time of tragedy. Winter is described as the time of irony and satire.
Irony and satire are highly functional - they create distance from the pain and grief of the losses experienced in times of tragedy.
My father was a firefighter. He had a wicked ironic and satirical sense of humour. He has seen things that no one wants to see. He has witnessed exceptional and extreme trauma. He and his colleagues constantly were joking, using humour to distance themselves from what they had experienced. This, while waiting for the light, joy and life of the spring time to come.
So as we await our rebirth, as the days get longer and we pass from the darkness of winter into the new growth of spring, how to you use humour to survive? How does it function as you serve your clients?
Do you know someone with an exceptional sense of humour that would love to read this? Share this podcast. Leave me a voice message using the Anchor.fm app. And subscribe to Jimbits for fresh, bits of Jim delivered daily directly to your earhole.
I'm a therapist. I work in the field of mental health. I'm part of the people, the group The gang that helps people heal and feel okay about being alive. If you are an esthetician, a hairdresser, massage therapist or work in a vet clinic, you are likely also a mental health worker without awareness of exactly what you do. So welcome to the field of mental health you're one of us.
Many frontline care workers, whether they are estheticians, massage therapists, or hairdressers provide a vital role in the mental health of their clients. If you work in an industry like this, you can have a profound impact on the lives of those you serve. How do you handle the emotional dumping site of your clients? Are you doing enough? Could you be doing more? When are you over your head? They say that anxiety and depression are cured by connection and meaning. How do you help those that you serve make meaning out of the confusion of life?
We all move through the world with a different style. We all have a different way of being in the world. When you encounter people with a style that's different than yours, what happens? You continue to go with the flow? Do you adapt to who they are? Do you insist on your style or way of being? If you're a go-with-the-flow person, what does it take for you to be completely offended, floored, or driven off the road by somebody else? When is it appropriate for you to put the pedal to the metal? When do you need to pump the brakes? do you like doing donuts in a shopping mall parking lot after a snowstorm? Do you believe that the parking brake is there to help you turn? All valid questions. So what's your driving style? Subscribe, comment, like and share.
Some things we collect consciously. Frequently this enhances our lives. Other things we collect unaware that are collecting them. These things can lead to negative impacts on our work, our relationships with others and even our health. When we collect too much without awareness our lives can become messy. This mess frequently leads to compassion fatigue. What do you collect? Are these things bringing you joy? Or do you find yourself with a diminished ability to have fun, feel pleasure and connect with all the stuff that makes life wonderful. Do you see others around you collecting stuff that's wearing them down? What would your message to them be? Comment, share and subscribe.
It's bath bomb season.
Though soothing, it takes more than just long soaks in the tub to prevent compassion fatigue.
A big part of having good emotional hygiene involves creating limits for yourself. Empathetic care professionals frequently struggle with these limits. Creating limits is a skill you can learn.
You likely know someone who has great boundaries and limits for themselves.
Share this podcast with them. Let them know you recognize their skill set. Or, if you have good limits and boundaries, you might want to share this with someone who can learn about limits. It could really help them.
The costs of poor emotional hygiene
Poor emotional hygiene can lead to bringing difficult emotions home. These emotions can impact your sleep. Further, poor emotional hygiene can impact your ability to do the work that you love. What's worse, you can even feel trapped.
How do you create limits?
Comment on this post with information with how you create limits and boundaries for yourself. What's difficult about this? What works?
Keep this conversation going. Share it with one person who needs it. Subscribe to find out more about how compassion fatigue can impact your life and what you can do about it.
If you haven't realized it already - you're wonderful. Truly you are.
If you don't think so?
I am certain that there's one wonderful thing about you.
If you have a chance, what risk could you take today to share one wonderful thing with someone else?
Just something simple. Something true. Something without explanation, that's uniquely you.
Who is the person that lets you share something wonderful? What is it about them that makes this risk feel safe?
How can you open yourself to the wonder of others?
Comment below, or send me a voice message about this.
And subscribe to receive Jimbits - daily messages from your shrink, served up warm and directly to you.
They are out there. You can connect.
You'll find a way.
In 1999, I spent seven months living aboard a tall ship. That adventure forced me to confront my two biggest fears: Small spaces and heights.
I was constantly rewarded with stunning sunrises and sunsets as well as a host of other experiences that I would be less of a person without.
This popular George Addair quote comes to mind: Everything you want is on the other side of fear...
Public speaking is frequently listed as one of the top five biggest fears that people have.
I don't think this is about the speaking so much as it is about being seen.
In clown training, one of the first exercises we do is to show up and be seen.
It's profoundly impactful.
What are you willing to let others see? How vulnerable can you be? Where and when is this appropriate in your life? When the risk of being seen perhaps worth it to you?
So, today? Is there an opportunity to take a risk and rather than show yourself, let someone just see you without a desire to control their perception of you? How might this change how you relate to them?
You can do it. Find a way.
How do you show up for yourself for those who seek to serve or the people you work with every day? How do you show up in your family? How do you show up in your community? When you show up, what do they see? What do they notice?
What is the least you can do? What's the smallest viable action necessary to show up in any relationship? The answer is closer than you think. Subscribe for daily musings to make your life more chilled out.