Say Hello Save a Life - A Podcast About Teenage Mental Health, Depression And Suicide

1.  We don’t want you to fix us. We want you to listen.

2. Mental health isn’t a phase that we are going to snap out of. Trust us when we say we need help.

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1. I feel so guilty for hurting you and being a “problem.”

I’ve seen the pain on your face. I know I’ve hurt you, and I know I’ve caused you extra work and stress. I sometimes feel guilty and selfish for being depressed. Just remind me you love me and that even if I create extra problems for you, I’m worth it.

2. Sometimes I don’t know what’s wrong.

Feeling down can come on whenever — it’s unpredictable. I don’t always know what causes it, and if I don’t know how am I supposed to tell you? Please stop asking me to try and figure it out.

3. Don’t try to fix all my problems for me.

I know I have problems, but it’s a victory when I overcome them. You can help me if I ask, and hug me when those problems get to be too much, but no one can fix another person’s problems. I need to be able to do that myself. Just be there for me.

4. Other teens can be cruel.

Whether they don’t understand my depression or they just don’t care, when they exclude or bully me it hurts. Be the person I can run to and who will love me no matter what.

5. Don’t be ashamed of my depression and try to hide it from the rest of the family

Yes, I have depression. Don’t try to hide it from the family. No family is perfect, and when you try to hide my depression you’re telling me this is something I should be ashamed of. Depression is a mental illness. You don’t hide it when I have the flu, so don’t hide it when I have a “mental flu.”

6. Sometimes I fake being sick because I feel mentally unwell and I’m afraid you won’t understand.

When I’m feeling down I don’t want to go to school or do other social activities. I’m hurting too much inside to try being happy while trying not to have a breakdown in public. The best thing for me is talking to someone who will listen, or doing a fun activity that doesn’t involve being around a lot of other people.

7. I get mad at myself for not having the energy and motivation to do the things you want me to do.

Doing certain activities and chores takes a lot more concentration and motivation when I’m dealing with depression. Things that used to be simple and fun now take a lot of energy and more time. When I know I have a lot to get done, it stresses me out and makes me feel more down.

8. Don’t ask me what I talked about with my counselor.

It’s important to be able to talk to someone outside of our family and my social life. Don’t be offended when I don’t talk to you and talk to a counselor instead. Family and parents play a big part in my life, so I need to talk to someone else about those things. There’s a reason the sessions are private.

9. When I need breaks from family, please don’t be offended.

Like any relationship, families are hard work. Being around them every day can get challenging. Having breaks, like a few days away, gives me some peace. I don’t love you any less, but if stuff is stressful at home things start to build up. Having a short time away gives me time to clear my head and think things over.

10. Depression comes and goes. If I seem happy, it might not mean I’m “better.”

Some days are better than others, so even when I seem happy, be there for me.

In today's episode, I will read a letter written following the loss of our son JJ to suicide.

A letter from a father and suicide survivor

JJ was my first child. He wasn’t your typical 12 year old. He was smart, energetic, goofy. A straight-A student who was heavily involved in school activities being in school leadership, involved in school dances and assemblies. He was an avid soccer and video game player. JJ had a large circle of friends and was the one that everyone came to with a problem because not only would he fix it but he wouldn’t let you leave the room until you smiled. From the outside looking in, JJ was happy.

On February 13th, 2016 everything we knew about JJ changed. My son JJ, my only son, my junior became another statistic of youth suicide. After his passing, once the funeral was done and family and friends had gone back to their routines I sat down at the computer to try and understand how we missed the signs and how bad this epidemic of youth suicide was. I was astonished to find out not only that suicide is the second leading cause of death ages 10-24, but that suicide takes the lives of more of our youth than every natural cause of death combined.

With the right education and the continual awareness of our teachers, parents, our children and their peer’s suicide can be prevented. JJ’s Hello Foundations mission is to prevent youth suicide, promote youth mental health awareness, and create a message of hope for pre-teens, teens, and young adults in our community. JJ's Hello Foundation and his family hope that such activities and training will raise awareness about suicide, erase the stigmas associated with suicide discussion so that teens and young adults who are in crisis will not turn to suicide as the only answer, and that friends, families, teachers and the community at large will recognize the signs and get them help before it’s too late.

I will never hear my son’s voice again or pick him up when he falls but I have made it my mission to stand by your side and make sure together no other father loses their son or daughter to suicide. Together we can save young lives who knows maybe even yours, your friends, your neighbors, or a complete stranger’s child from making my son’s tragic choice.

Please consider a donation to JJ’s Hello Foundation. And always remember to the world you may be one person, but to one person you are the world.

Please like our page and share to help us spread the message of prevention.

Learn more http://www.hellofund.org/donations

Josh Anderson

President

JJ’s Hello Foundation

1. Understand the Treatment Plan

2. Avoid Unhelpful Reactions

3. Handle Your Teen’s School

4. Keep Your House Safe

5. Encourage Healthy Lifestyle Choices

6. Warning Signs of Another Teen Suicide Attempt

7. Get Counseling for Yourself

We hope you found this information helpful.  If you need more information about teenage depression, suicide or suicide loss please visit www.hellofund.org to learn more.

Remember to the world you may be one person but to one person you are the world.  Thank you.

How to help themselves

1. Asking for help when dealing with a mental health issue is a sign of strength.

2. Living a healthy lifestyle helps keep your mind balanced.

3. You have power.

4. There are tons of different coping skills for managing mental health.

5. Surrounding yourself with people that are healthy for you makes the recovery process smoother.

How to help others

1. Teens struggling with mental health issues are often misunderstood by peers.

2. Spreading awareness reduces stigma.

3. Your friend may be feeling emotions that prevent them from talking to you.

4. Your support consistency really helps the person who is experiencing a mental health issue.

5. Leading a positive life can be contagious.

to the world, you may be one person but to one person you are the world.

Here are four things to keep in mind when having that ‘how-you-doing?’ conversation with your teen and to show that you are always there for them.

1. Encourage them to share their feelings

2. Take the time to support them

3. Work through conflict together

4. Care for yourself

Key Points to think about when discussing teenage anxiety

• Emotions have three parts: thoughts, physical feelings, and behaviors. These parts are interconnected, and any of those parts can be a trigger that starts the anxiety cycle.
• Anxiety, like all emotions, can be adaptive. It protects us from harm in dangerous situations. But, sometimes, the system goes off in the absence of real danger. This feels uncomfortable but is actually harmless as long as you don’t start actively avoiding it.
• Anxiety fades if you let it. Emotions are like a wave – they peak, and then recede, even if you don’t do anything to control or manage them.
• Managing anxiety is about building strategies to change your thoughts (e.g., by reality-checking them), calming your physical reaction (e.g., via breathing exercises), and facing your fears. These strategies are part of cognitive-behavioral therapy (CBT), a type of therapy that research shows help to manage anxiety.
• One of the best ways to manage anxiety is to face the things you fear using a strategy called ‘exposure’: break down your feared situation into small steps, and practice facing them bit by bit. This helps you cut out avoidance, which feeds anxiety long-term.

Why don’t men talk about mental health?

Societal expectations and traditional gender roles play a role in why men are less likely to discuss or seek help for their mental health problems. We know that gender stereotypes about women – the idea they should behave or look a certain way, for example – can be damaging to them. But it’s important to understand that men can be damaged by stereotypes and expectations too.

Men are often expected to be the breadwinners and to be strong, dominant, and in control. While these aren’t inherently bad things, they can make it harder for men to reach out for help and open up.

Men’s mental health and suicide…

Men are three times as many men as women die by suicide.

If you or someone you know is in a crisis, get help immediately. You can call 911 or the National Suicide Prevention Line at 1-800-273-TALK (8255)

I know I know it's been a while but we are back and look forward to talking to you all more.

May 25th we will be presenting the Smedberg Leadership award to 11 deserving middle school students

May 26th JJ would be graduating from Sheldon High School Class of 2021

My own mental health struggles and how I need to do better for myself and for everyone around me.

1. Explore alternative celebrations - for now

2. Be empathetic

3. Stick to a school schedule

4. Embrace technology

5. But also unplug

6. Follow teens’ lead on shared activities

7. Watch for signs of depression

8. Tap into their altruistic nature

Terrill Dennis Bravender Jr MD

https://healthblog.uofmhealth.org/childrens-health/8-ways-to-help-teens-cope-social-distancing-blues

If someone you know is suffering a mental health crisis

1. Identifying a Mental Health Emergency

2. Try to De-Escalate the Situation

3. Call 911 or a Hotline

4. Stay With the Individual If Possible

5. Help Them Get the Follow Up Care They Need

1. Get Enough Sleep and Eat Well

2. Exercise Each Day

3. Encourage them to share their feelings

4. See Your Doctor as Needed

5. Spend Time With Friends

6. Find a Purpose

7. Take Time for Yourself

In this episode, we discuss ideas that you can use to help you help a suicide loss survivor through their grief.  We hope you find these suggestions helpful.  Thank you for listening.

Admit That You Don’t Know What to Say.

Don’t Give the Person Advice — With Exceptions

Bring Them Necessities and Give Tangible Help

Do Not Assign Blame

Stick Around for the Long Haul

Don’t Forget the Individual Who Died

Preschool-Kindergarten: Stick to the basics.

Ages 7 to 10: Give short, true answers.

Ages 11-14: Be more concrete.

High school: Not if….when

College: Check-in.

10 Warning Signs of Teenage Mental Illness

1. Feeling Very Worried, Sad, or Angry

2. Extreme Mood Changes

3. Not Caring About Physical Appearance

4. Changes in Eating or Sleeping Habits

5. Change in School Performance

6. Isolation or Loss of Interest in Activities

7. Complaints of Physical Maladies

8. Drug or Alcohol Abuse

9. Trouble Understanding Reality

10. Talk About Dying

Mental illness is preventable.  However in most cases parents don’t bring the child in until after issues have been going on for months and months because they are in denial.  Most parents feel that “it can’t possibly be happening to my child.  You should talk to your teenif you’re concerned.

Parenting a teen is challenging, and it can be hard to know whether a symptom is worrisome or just part of growing up. Keeping the lines of communication open can help you know what your teen is going through. Don’t be afraid to seek care from his or her doctor or to ask your teen to see a counselor to rule out physical conditions of a teenage mental illness. Also, don’t forget to take care of yourself; it’s difficult to care for someone who has concerning symptoms, so take the time to treat yourself well and to seek counseling if you need it.

#1 “Other people have it worse.”

#2 “You can choose to be positive.”

#3 “You’re always such a complainer.”

#4 “Maybe if you just got out more…”

#5 “Everyone is sad sometimes.”

#6 “You’d feel better if you focused on something else.”

#7 “Have you tried taking vitamin D supplements?”

Knowing what not to say to someone with depressive disorder is one way to be a good friend to your loved one. If you have made any of these remarks in the past, you can apologize and make the decision not to repeat them. You can also talk to a counselor about ways that you can help a loved one dealing with depressive disorder. Your loved one will appreciate your efforts.

Did you know that over ½ of teens have experienced being bullied online?

59% of U.S. teens have personally experienced at least one of six types of abusive online behaviors.

42% of teens say they have been called offensive names online or via their cellphone.

(32%) of teens say someone has spread false rumors about them on the internet

smaller shares have had someone other than a parent constantly ask where they are, who they’re with or what they’re doing (21%)

have been the target of physical threats online (16%)

Parents make sure to look for these 3 Teen Bullying Signs

Teen Bullying Signs Beginning at School

School is where young people spend the most time together, and it’s where a lot of bullying between same-aged peers is likely to start. Even in cases of cyberbullying, it’s common for the bully and bullied to know each other from school. Conflicts may arise in the school setting and later migrate to the web.

When a teenager must encounter someone who is bullying them in school, it’s not surprising that they might begin to have problems in school. Teens who are being bullied might feign illness or come up with other excuses to miss school, or they may skip classes or whole days of school behind your back. If they can’t avoid school, teen bullying signs might exhibit anxiety or express dislike for school and school-related activities.

You may also notice a change in your teenager’s grades. It’s common for stress and distractions to impact a teen’s ability to succeed in school, and being bullied is both stressful and distracting. Failing to turn in assignments or work up to their previous standards may also be a way for a teen to express that something is wrong when they don’t feel comfortable saying it in words.

Suicide and our teens

It’s the second-leading cause of death for young people aged 10 to 24. This means that more middle school, high school, and college students die by suicide than they do from cancer, heart disease, pneumonia, AIDS, influenza, stroke, and lung disease combined. As a parent, the thought of your teen having suicidal thoughts probably sends a shiver down your spine. No one wants to believe that their adolescent will be a victim, but each day in the U.S., there are nearly 3,500 suicide attempts in high school students. This number does not account for middle school students or college students. It’s important to know the signs of suicidal thoughts and ideation, because the vast majority of teens who attempt suicide show warning signs. Read on to learn more about suicide in teens and what you can do to make your teenager safer.

How is your teen copin​g during COVID-19? Should you be worried?

Check in with your teen often to discuss how they're feeling and managing, and watch for signs of mental health struggles. Keep in mind that these signs are not the same for everyone; different people show different signs when trying to deal with mental health challenges.​

It's normal for teens to feel sad during this time, crying sometimes because they miss their friends or because sports and musical productions were cancelled. However, your teen likely could benefit from extra support if they expressed anything talked about in this episode.

Growing up is hard, increased responsibilities are stressful, and emotions are difficult to manage. One would be hard-pressed to find an adult who manages their responsibilities, emotions, and relationships in a healthy way 100 percent of the time.

The pressures of responsibilities, emotions, and relationships can be particularly intense among teens and young adults, as they have not learned how to manage many difficult aspects of life at their young age. Also, their brains are still developing, and it is very common for teens to act unreasonably or engage in risky behavior.

Dopamine levels in adolescent brains can drop sudden and fast which can cause this unreasonably risky behavior.  High achieving youth are especially susceptible to this.  It’s up to us as parents and teachers to provide our children with the tools to handle these sudden drops.