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It’s Not You, It’s Your Trauma - Trauma, PTSD, Abuse, Anxiety & Recovery - Joe Ryan

It’s Not You, It’s Your Trauma - Trauma, PTSD, Abuse, Anxiety & Recovery - Joe Ryan

By Joe Ryan
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Real, genuine, vulnerable, and honest talk. There are no quick fixes from trauma, abuse, addiction, PSTD, or anxiety. Knowing what happened to you is only part of the process, we have to relive the feelings, emotions, and scenes we avoid. When we stop blaming, making excuses, and take responsibility for our own emotions, that’s the start of moving from victim to surviving, from surviving to survivor, and finally to thriving and teaching.
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EP 0056 - Invest In Yourself
Become A Subscriber access to all episode and bonus content. There Is An Unloved Child In You That Needs To Be Loved. This Is A Love That Only You Can Give Yourself. Start Investing In Yourself By Learning How To Live The Unlived Life You Desire. - Website: - Instagram: - Subscribe: - Coaching:
January 25, 2022
EP 0055 - Love And Vulnerability
Become A Subscriber access to all episode and bonus content. Love Is Extending Yourself To Somebody Else, Putting The Relationship Ahead Of Individual Fears, And Becoming Emotionally Vulnerable For The Greater Good. You Can't Have Real Love Without Being Vulnerable - Website: - Instagram: - Subscribe: - Coaching:
January 04, 2022
EP 0054 - Going Home
Become A Subscriber For access to all episode and bonus content.  I’m Afraid If I Come Back Around, I Will Lose All The Ground I’ve Gained. I’ve Worked Too Hard To Let That Happen. I Don’t Trust That You Will Respect Or Accept The New Me. I Have To Learn How To Be Around You Without Losing Me - Website: - Instagram: - Subscribe: - Coaching:
December 16, 2021
EP 0053 - Fear and Vulnerability
Become A Subscriber For access to all episode and bonus content. Our vulnerability is locked away and guarded as a means of protection from being emotionally hurt. When vulnerability arises, our nervous system kicks in and takes over and is experienced as deep fear. To dismantle fear, we must purposely lean into our vulnerability, not avoid it. The protection that once kept us safe now limits our life. Love, Joy, and strength reside in our vulnerability, yet we keep it locked up and hidden. If we do not expose ourselves to vulnerability, we will not grow emotionally. The life we want is on the other side of fear. When we open ourselves up to vulnerability, we enter a part of us that we have not owned yet. The more we enter, the more confidence we gain, the less we fear, the more we know it. We keep repeating the process until vulnerability becomes a strength. - Website: - Instagram: - Subscribe: - Coaching:
November 30, 2021
EP 0052 - Holidays
Become A Subscriber For access to all episode and bonus content. Holidays with family transport us back in emotional time to childhood and bring us back into the role we need to play. Use this time to see what your role is and how you pretend to be loved and accepted, to slowly dismantle the false self to become a more authentic you. Use this time to pay attention to the feelings and emotions that arise within you. Pay attention to the roles you and everyone else are playing, what feelings you have to hide, how you are showing up inauthentic.  You are allowed to make choices based on your own best interest. You do not have to make choices based on what others expect out of you. It's okay not to feel connected to people you're supposed to feel connected to.  When we start to understand who we need to be to fit in, we can learn to belong to ourselves. When we belong to self, the judgment from others starts to matter much less. Be authentic, be you! - Website: - Instagram: - Subscribe: - Coaching:
November 23, 2021
EP 0051 - Coming Out Of Hiding
Become A Subscriber access to all episode and bonus content. Shame keeps us isolated and living in fear of being exposed. To dismantle shame, we must enter our shame and not run and hide from it. We come out of hiding by exposing ourselves to ourselves. Once we start owning our shame, we fear being seen less, feel more alive and free. So much of our lives was us living a lie; we didn't know it. We built layers of protection around us to protect us from feeling our shame, and we created a false self to survive. We became what we thought others needed us to be so that we could feel loved and accepted. We believed this false self was our identity, and we did anything to protect this image. If anyone saw through our false self, we immediately entered into our shame, and the feelings of worthlessness would take us over. We live guarded with multiple layers of defenses, never to allow ourselves to be seen by others or ourselves. Nothing outside of us will heal our shame; we must go inward and expose ourselves to feelings of worthlessness. We become vulnerable to our fears. We teach ourselves that our perception of ourselves is not our reality; it's shame keeping us hostage. - Website: - Instagram: - Subscribe: - Coaching:
November 16, 2021
EP 0050 - Emotional Connection
Become A Subscriber For access to all episode and bonus content. Having a strong emotional connection to self is vital in recovery. Most of us were conditioned to be emotionally available to others to feel valued and loved. We're taught that for us to survive, we have to abandon ourselves to meet the needs of others. We never formed an emotional connection to ourselves in this process as we were always looking outside of ourselves to manage external connections. By doing this, we never learned how to have a relationship with ourselves. We don't know how to go inside; we don't know what we want, need, or desire. We cut off our needs to meet the needs of others.  The need for human emotional connection drives us like an addict, sacrificing our self-worth to get our fix, to connect with someone so that we can ease our pain. This unmet need gives away our internal empowerment and puts our happiness in the hands of others.  Building a relationship with self starts by identifying our needs, wants, and desires and then slowly giving them to ourselves. The stronger the connection with self is, the less we need to rely on or use others to meet our own needs.
November 02, 2021
EP 0049 - Leaving Home Emotionally
Become A Subscriber access to all episode and bonus content. Most of us never left home emotionally; we have stayed loyal to our family system by staying in our false self role, by abandoning our authentic self. We were molded into the role by being conditioned through shaming, anger, and fear. We learned how to adapt, conform and compromise our needs for the needs of the system.  To become our authentic self, we need to dismantle our false self role and leave home emotionally. We move away from feeding the family system and start feeding our soul as we move through the guilt and shame that has kept us emotionally hostage for so long. - Website: - Instagram: - Subscribe:
October 19, 2021
EP 0048 - The Inner Child
Become A Subscriber For access to all episode and bonus content. The inner child gets stuck emotionally at the age that the abuse happened. We internalized the abuse and have carried it as our responsibility, and we have shamed ourselves for it ever since. We have mirrored our experience as not being valued, loved, or worthy of being cared for and carried it as our self perception. Joe discusses how Healing the inner child is first understanding that an emotional child lives within us. We then reparent this child to give them what they need to grow, develop and evolve into an empowered adult. What this child needed was safety through love, care, attention, and nurturing. As your inner child starts to feel safer within you and the two of you learn to trust each other, we then begin to discipline the inner child. We set limits and healthy boundaries as we guide this child through its fears towards internal freedom. - Website: - Instagram: - Subscribe:
October 05, 2021
EP 0047 - Work Through the False Self
 Become A Subscriber For access to this episode and bonus content. Dismantling the false self is done through action, not thought. We don't think our way out of the fear of being seen. We take action and fight through the false self by allowing ourselves to be visible as we show up for ourself Joe discusses how the false self shows up in relationships and tries to get its needs met through others, how our family systems keeps us trapped in our role. What we can do to slowly dismantle the false self as we discover who we are through action. Also In This Episode:  - Coming out of hiding  - Wounds and relationships  - Carrying your family system  - Building a relationship with yourself   - Feeling safe from the inside out  - Work through the false self - Website: - Instagram: - Subscribe:
September 21, 2021
EP 0046 - Shame Based Addict
Become A Subscriber For access to this episode and bonus content. In this episode, Joe talks about the self-conscious, shame-based feelings that he constantly faces and how he has learned to deal with them without mood altering. This episode delves deep into the protective actions one takes to hide feelings of shame and paralyzing yourself from life’s most simple activities! Topics in this Episode: -Starting with his first drink at 10, followed closely with prescription drugs and eventual heavy drug use later in life, Joe discussed the mind-altering use to mask the feelings of shame and the ultimate exhilarating “freedom” that followed -Building the Wall of Hiding from Yourself and Everyone Else -Looking into the Mirror and Seeing an Emotional Child, Not an Adult Ready to Live in This World -Dealing with “Going Outside Your Comfort Zone” -Learning to Adjust to New Surroundings and Protecting Yourself by Withdrawing from Daily Life Activities -Self-Sabotage -Seeing below the False Self… -Cutting Off from Your True Self and Realizing “Shame Rolls Down Hill” -Leaving Situations or Family Gatherings where Shaming is Continual -Heal the Shame by Coming Out of Hiding Shame is Exhausting, Depressing and a Dull Ache You Can’t Pinpoint - Website: - Instagram: - Subscribe:
September 13, 2021
EP 0045 - What's Your Secret
Become A Subscriber For access to all episodes and bonus content. What is below all those layers you have built up? What are you hiding down there? What is your secret?  Uncovering your secret is an emotional process that can't be forced, it requires patience. There are things in our path that only time can move.  While we wait for the next layer to reveal itself, we allow ourselves time and a safe space to grieve the previous layer and feed our soul as part of the healing process.  - Website: - Instagram: - Subscribe:
August 17, 2021
EP 0044 - Shame; Trauma's Protector
Become A Subscriber For access to all episodes and bonus content. How do we recover from our traumatic experiences? When does the feeling of shame enter into the equation? What is the "pain of shame," and how should we deal with it? In this episode, learn how to deal with these emotional pains...and the dull ache that resides with it every day of your life! Learn to resolve trauma, not just store it away! Joe covers the effects of feeling "shamed" and not resolving the traumatic events that have led you to this point, as well as the difficulty in taking the steps necessary to face what put you in this place, to begin with. Learn how to overcome all of this to move forward and leave the shame and abuse you feel and have experienced behind!  - Website:  -  Instagram:   - Subscribe:
June 08, 2021
EP 0043 - Anger and Boundaries
Become A Subscriber For access to this episode and bonus content. In this episode, Joe talks about how to deal with anger and not being afraid of being angry or having people being angry at you. Avoid feeling like you have to be a "people pleaser" to avoid people getting angry with you! Learn to set boundaries and not allow people to disrespect you and cross lines. Learn how boundaries can make everyone involved feel uncomfortable, yet become easier over time to set and manage. Overall a short but to the point revealing episode that effectively brings to light a crucial interpersonal relationship rule for those struggling with feelings of avoiding showing angry at all costs! - Website: - Instagram: - Subscribe:
May 25, 2021
EP 0042 – Fearing Emotional Layers
Become A Subscriber For access to all episodes and bonus content. Episode 42 delves into the subject of dealing with numerous levels of emotions and how it affects your fears, anger, resentments, and how you manage those internal ques that will arise. Learn how internal emotional reactions can lead to a downward spiral that includes further depression. See how controlling emotions is crucial and not letting people tell you that “you have no reason to feel (insert the emotion- sad, lonely, etc), even though you don’t know why you feel like you do. Additionally, the topics of “Levels of Defenses” and “Controlling Your Biggest Fears” are covered along with “Learning How to Properly Heal Emotionally”, the same way you would recover from a physical ailment like a cold or flu brings home a major revelation most people don’t. Learn how this makes complete sense and why you need to change the way you heal mentally to mirror the same steps you do physically when you are feeling under the weather! - Website: - Instagram: - Subscribe:
May 11, 2021
EP 0041 - Feeling Work vs Self Pity
Become A Subscriber For access to all episodes and bonus content. In this episode, Joe dives into the topic of feelings, thoughts, and self-pity. See how emotions take you over and how you should just let thoughts just "be." Learn how self-pity can actually be a good thing in your grieving process. Find out how going deeper into your pain can eventually lead you to greater joy in life. Learn to expose yourself to your fears and learn how to make them part of your daily existence. Dealing with situations that can lead to rejection makes everyone uncomfortable, and the natural reaction is to try to avoid it. Joes' response to that is to face it head-on and put in the work to turn your nervous system down to become more comfortable with these scenarios….scenarios that are currently destroying your peace! Finally, hear how re-living those negative experiences in your mind will allow you to become stronger!  - Website: - Instagram: - Subscribe:
April 27, 2021
EP 0040 - Trauma Recall
Become A Subscriber For access to all episodes and bonus content. Traumatic events are stored inside of us, occupying the space reserved for joy. These events are waiting to be acknowledged, accessed, felt, experienced, relived, grieved, and released.  By accessing our past trauma, we are releasing the shame, self-hate, and accountability we internalized. We get to rewrite the story we have been telling ourselves, by now knowing what happened to us was not our fault and is not our responsibility to carry the unwanted feelings anymore. We see the events from an adult's perspective and not as a helpless child who had no choice but to endure what happed as a way of survival.  We now start to learn how to live without the defenses of protection needed to avoid the feelings we fear and to hide what happened to us from ourselves and the world.  The place once occupied with trauma slowly fills with peace, self-love, and joy as we replace self-hate with compassion and protection for the abused child that could not protect themselves at the time of the events. We become the parent we always needed to love, care for, nurture, and protect us.  - Website: - Instagram: - Subscribe:
April 06, 2021
EP 0039 - Face Yourself
Become A Subscriber For access to all episodes and bonus content. When The Pain Of Avoiding Your Past Becomes Greater Than Facing It, The Journey Begins. Strap In; It's Going To Be A Long Hard, Tough Road. But At The End Of It, There Are Great Rewards  - Website: - Instagram: - Subscribe:
March 17, 2021
EP 0038 - Family System Boundaries
Become A Subscriber For access to all episodes and bonus content. In an enmeshed family system, we have no boundaries, no protection. To start moving out of your family system role, we must learn how to create boundaries. Boundaries are a responsibility line. A boundary lets others know where your responsibility for them ends, and the responsibility for yourself begins. Without boundaries, we are codependent people pleasers who abandon ourselves to be accepted by others. When setting a boundary, we fear the feelings that arise within us as we anticipate the reaction from those in the system. We have been conditioned not to have any wants and or needs. We abandon ourselves, not to be abandoned by the system. The fear is ultimately having to go it alone. To leave home emotionally and live by our belief system, not the one that was instilled in us. To leave the system, we must slowly dismantle our role by setting boundaries and dealing with the unwanted feelings we have been avoiding. We must believe that we can survive on our own. - Website: - Instagram: - Subscribe:
March 02, 2021
EP 0037 - Humiliation
Become A Subscriber For access to all episodes and bonus content. Humiliation; being exposed before you're ready to be exposed. Humiliation brings a vast wave of powerful, uncontrollable emotion that can lead us into a shame spiral and emotional paralysis.  I guarded against humiliation at every moment, in everything I did in life. Not dealing with the emotions of embarrassment, I learned not to feel safe within myself, to have no internal boundaries, and to have no self-protection in guarding against the extremely debilitating feelings of shame that the humiliation triggered. To overcome humiliation, we need to embarrass ourselves to ourself. By becoming comfortable with being embarrassed, we fear humiliation less and, therefore, slowly healing our hypervigilance, codependency, panic, self-hate, and shame. - Website: - Instagram: - Subscribe:
February 01, 2021
EP 0036 - Triggers Return
Become A Subscriber For access to all episodes and bonus content. When you are triggered, you usually have to set a boundary. Setting a boundary is typically done in one of two ways. One is by withdrawal, and the other is through anger. Both are reactive, not proactive.  Setting a boundary when you are triggered is a reaction. Learning how to set boundaries healthily is knowing what you want and why. having a clear understanding of your needs and wants and presenting them in a non-shaming proactive, not a reactive way. - Website: - Instagram: - Subscribe:
January 05, 2021
EP 0035 – Society Mirror
Become A Subscriber For access to all episodes and bonus content. We internalized happiness and success based on what society tells us it should be, not based on our internal moral compass. Our sole purpose has become to portray the image of an illusion that does not exist. Conform and be accepted or be authentic and be shammed.  - Website: - Instagram: - Subscribe:
December 27, 2020
EP 0034 - Questions and Answers
Become A Subscriber For access to all episodes and bonus content. Today I Answer Your Questions. We Cover Fitting In Vs. Belonging To Self, Sitting With The Feelings Vs. Feeling Sorry For Yourself, And How Do I Reveal My Trauma In New Relationships. - Website: - Instagram: - Subscribe:
December 16, 2020
EP 0033 - Separation
Become A Subscriber For access to all episodes and bonus content. Emotional Separation Involves Unbonding and Grieving, Where the Process of Growth and Transformation Meet Loss. The Disengaging of Patterns and Roles That Have Held You Emotionally Captive to Beliefs That Were Never Your Own We were never taught healthy separation or how to separate at all. You grow up in an enmeshed family system, and there is no leaving. There is no separating, it's conformity. We all must conform to the system's rules, or else we will be shamed and abused into line.   You must become what the system deems acceptable. There is no individuality; you do not stand alone; you do not have your self-identity or self-worth. Your value, your worth, everything you are is based on how the system views you, not on how you view yourself. Separating from that system is going against everything you've ever known, everything you've ever been taught.  Separation from your role and the role within the system is leaving home emotionally. Finding value within yourself and feeling the freedom to live a life based on how you feel, not how others need you to be. - Website: - Instagram: - Subscribe:
December 02, 2020
EP 0032 - Loneliness
Become A Subscriber For access to all episodes and bonus content. Don't waste any more energy maintaining an image that isn't real. Make peace with your loneliness; make peace with your sadness. stop running and own your reality It is incredibly lonely removing everything that moved you away from your pain. Not heal your pain, but moving you further away from it. That leaves you alone with yourself, and when you hate yourself, you're the last person you want to be alone with. Uncover your blind spots, see what your motivations are and why. Look at yourself from a realistic point of view. Stop using false impressions as a way of avoiding your loneliness; use that energy to find the real you. You are the only one that is going to heal you. Nothing outside yourself will take away your pain. External validation is a temporary fix. You have the capability, the power, and the strength to heal yourself. - Website: - Instagram: - Subscribe:
November 11, 2020
EP 0031 - Blind Spots
Become A Subscriber For access to all episodes and bonus content. Blind Spots Cause Unknown, Uncontrollable Reactions, And Behaviors We Are Are Unable To Recognize As A Way Of Protecting Us Subconsciously From The Feelings Of Pain The blind spot is in place to sidestep doing the original pain work by avoiding the feelings that were too overwhelming for us to experience when the traumatic events happened. We discover blind spots by peeling away layers of defense implanted by our subconscious to protect us from parts of us that have been cut off and have not entirely been experienced and felt yet. We must feel these feelings at the core, fully absorb, and process them to eliminate the blind spots so we can respond in the present and not react from the past. - Website: - Instagram: - Subscribe:
October 20, 2020
EP 0030 - Love, Vulnerability, And Loss
Become A Subscriber For access to all episodes and bonus content. When two people fall in love, it's equivalent to an emotional child born; the relationship has infancy needs. The connection needs to be cared for and nurtured as you would a child. It needs love, attention, affection, and nurturing. As with all children, there is a separation that needs to take place. We come together as one for the relationship. Then we communicate about separation and individuality, so we can still grow individually while staying connected as we grow together. We want to meet the needs of the individuals and the needs of the relationship as a whole. Not having trust in the separation process creates fear that will manifest itself in codependency. Here starts the intimacy dance as two people try to hold on to their individually, keep a sense of themselves while maintaining the intimacy growing between them. We do this through Vulnerability - Website: - Instagram: - Subscribe:
October 06, 2020
EP 0029 - The Next Layer
Become A Subscriber For access to all episodes and bonus content. Living without pain can feel more frightening than living with it. The struggle became a part of our identity, and we don't know who we are without it. We are uncomfortable feeling comfortable and run to fill that space with something familiar, welcome back self-sabotage. Put life on pause, and sit within the space. It does not need to be filled; fight the urge to fill it. Teach your body and mind that you are okay with being free of fear. It takes time to get comfortable without something that has been such a big part of our life, even if that 'something' is painful. When we know that we are no longer controlled by fear, we realize we are free to choose the life we want. - Website: - Instagram: - Subscribe:
September 17, 2020
EP 0028 - Where Do I Start?
Become A Subscriber For access to all episodes and bonus content. Today I answered a couple of questions I receive often. "Where do I start" and "are we ever fully recovered." We start by getting quiet within ourselves and paying attention to what feelings arise. We do not attach to them; we pay attention to the dialog between our thoughts and emotions, and where they lead. It's the equivalent of watching two people argue as opposed to getting involved in the argument. When we don't attach to the thoughts and feelings, we have more clarity to see what the dialog is telling us. Do we ever fully recover, no. The depth of the human soul is limitless; we never fully arrive. Growth is always possible. It's not just about growing through the pain; it's also about entering into joy. - Website: - Instagram: - Subscribe:
August 25, 2020
EP 0027 - Depth Is Difficult
Become A Subscriber For access to all episodes and bonus content. There are so many different layers to this work. As we learn how to peel away layers of defensiveness, layers of protection, layers of hiding, and layers of fear. As we peel away the layers, the closer to the shame we get. The pain gets stored away inside of us, and we adapt. We don't learn how to adjust our psyche does it for us, so we never experience that pain again, it just happens. The further we go down, the more difficult it becomes because we're getting closer to the original pain, closer to the place where it all started the birthplace of the layers and the defensiveness. It was so painful, humiliating, degrading, and shameful that we couldn't handle the feelings and emotions. Now we slowly have to go back to that place and uncover the unconscious defenses that were put in place to protect us. We are not those helpless children anymore; we don't need those defenses that keep us from living the life we were born to live. - Website: - Instagram: - Subscribe:
August 11, 2020
EP 0026 - Enmeshed Family System
Become A Subscriber For access to all episodes and bonus content. Joe Ryan dives into the family system today on It’s Not You; It’s Your Trauma, and specifically the circle you are born into--where everyone in the family shares their emotions. Sounds simple...but it’s not. In a dysfunctional family dynamic, the shame is off the charts. Most members of the family will battle with feeling shameful, but the one who feels shameless controls the emotions the rest of the family feels.  You’ve heard of the scapegoat. In a shame-filled unit, the scapegoat doesn’t feel free to feel. They struggle with shame in everything they do and every way they feel. They don’t get to feel justified in their anger, sadness, depression, and even feelings of sexuality, because everything is covered in shame. In Joe’s case, that led to addiction, and eventual separation from the circle so he could be the person he needed to be without being a people pleaser. Takeaways from It’s Not You; It’s Your Trauma: 1 - Joe explains why the shame cycle and dynamic exists and how to get free of it.   2 - He talks about the prospect of separating from your circle and when it might be time to make a break.  3 - You’ll learn how to recognize if you are giving yourself shame-filled messages. You can’t think your way out of shame. You can’t outfox it. You can’t deny it. You have to address it and figure out the best solution for you. It’s exhausting being denied emotions--being allowed only a certain level of happiness based on the person controlling the rest of the people in the circle. It’s damaging, feeling like you have to fight to be heard. And it’s so unhealthy. Are you in the place where you can leave judgment behind once and for all? Well, here’s a bright spot. If you leave your family, it doesn’t mean it’s forever. It might be just long enough to find yourself, and stand on your own, so you are strong enough to reject the usual dynamics that want to tear you down.  Leaving for Joe, meant he got himself back. He could feel again and no one was going to tell him what he should or shouldn’t care about.  You’re ready to feel all the feelings. It’s what you’ve wanted. This episode of It’s Not You; It’s Your Trauma puts you on the right track to finally healing those genetic elements you haven’t known how to handle. Is this your first step to reclaiming your life? It just might be. Tune in every week to the It’s Not You; It’s Your Trauma: A Trauma, PTSD, Abuse, Anxiety & Recovery podcast. Listen in wherever podcasts are available and make sure to follow Joe on Instagram @joeryan. He’d dig it if you’d leave him a review on iTunes, too. We’ll see you next week to face your feelings and move from surviving to thriving and into the ultimate goal: teaching. Thanks for listening. And remember if you’re struggling, It’s Not You; It’s Your Trauma.  - Website: - Instagram: - Subscribe:
July 22, 2020
EP 0025 - Self Parenting
Become A Subscriber For access to all episodes and bonus content. It is not a child's responsibility to fill a parent's needs. When parents bring a child into this world, it is the parents' responsibility to fill the child up with its basic narcissistic needs. To give the child a foundation of self-love to build upon. The child needs to feel that the parent is there for them and not the other way around.  You should have been giving their blessing to go out in the world and find out who you are, where you belong, and who you were born to be. That's not the message we received. The message we received was, don't leave me, you're responsible for my feelings, my happiness, please keep a shiny, glossy, perfect facade for the world to see so that I don't feel my shame. When your basic narcissistic needs weren't met in infancy, your worth and value would be determined by how you feel others perceive you. Self-parenting yourself how you needed to be parented will tap the source of your self-worth. - Website: - Instagram: - Subscribe:
July 08, 2020
EP 0024 - Stigma and Negative Talk
Become A Subscriber For access to all episodes and bonus content. We have a massive amount of stigmas in this world based on wealth, status, and looks. We spend our precious energy, creating a facade, an appearance that looks impeccable to the world, a false self.  A big part of recovery is overcoming stigmas and eliminating our negative dialog, accepting ourselves based on how we feel about ourselves, not on how we perceive the world is seeing us.  We don't value heart, soul, integrity, truth, and honesty, which makes it is so hard for people to come out of hiding. To show, love, and accept the parts of themselves that they feel are unacceptable due to the stigmas of their family and society systems.  People bury those parts of themselves, deep, and go so far in the other direction so that nobody ever looks at them,  nobody can ever see them, and nobody can know that there.  - Website: - Instagram: - Subscribe:
June 30, 2020
EP 0023 - The Narcissist Within Us
Become A Subscriber For access to all episodes and bonus content. The judgment that we had felt, the pressure and the demands to become what somebody else needed us to be so that they didn't feel anything uncomfortable, they didn't feel judgment any ridicule any self-doubt. Becoming what they needed us to be so that they felt adored and loved. We ended putting those same demands on ourselves, we take that narcissistic power that we've experienced, and we point that power against ourselves. We are still trying to become what they wanted us to be; that was the only way we were lovable. Anything short of that perfection others were seeking, and we feel like we have failed ourselves. Enter self-hate and self-doubt.  There are tapes of negativity, judgment, and shame that we have adopted that run in our subconscious on an endless look telling us that we are not good enough and not worthy of love and acceptance for who we are. These tapes become our identity, and most of us don't even know that they are there. We see ourselves through the words, sights, beliefs, and feelings or another; we believe that it is our vision of ourselves when it's the narcissist within us - Website: - Instagram: - Subscribe:
June 24, 2020
EP 0022 - Suicidal Thoughts
Become A Subscriber For access to all episodes and bonus content. We deal with many sigmas, and suicide is very close to the top of the list. There are few open discussions about it, which makes those who have the thoughts feel more alone and ashamed for having them. This episode deals with suicide, suicidal thoughts, and suicidal feelings. If you are not in a place to hear about this topic, are having suicidal thoughts, don’t listen and call the National Suicide Prevention Lifeline  1-800-273-8255 - Website: - Instagram: - Subscribe:
June 16, 2020
EP 0021 - Create Space, Create Life
Become A Subscriber For access to all episodes and bonus content. What is the payoff in doing all this original pain work, going into your pain, trauma, and darkness? Is there a payoff? Yeah, there is. We do this work in layers. We take what's disturbing the peace within us and start to look at that first. We slowly process the pain and fear. We learn to accept and own it by feeling it. Once processed and released, we are emotionally lighter now that we have reclaimed space within us where pain once resided.  Within this space is where we create our life our way. You can now choose to fill this space with creativity, productivity, competency, and joy. Then it's on to the next layer, and the process repeats. Walk into your fear, feel it absorb it, process it, and be done with it. Then get out there and start living your life your way. - Website: - Instagram: - Subscribe:
June 09, 2020
EP 0020 - Fear and Roles
Become A Subscriber For access to all episodes and bonus content. We don't have the energy or desire to pretend anymore, but who are we, if we're not acting and being in roles to cover up where we feel inadequate. We will find this out as we let go of who we need to be and start being who we were born to be. How do we accomplish this? First, we must acknowledge and identify that we are playing a role, a role that was necessary for survival. That we no longer need to play this part, as it no longer serves us, that we can not only survive but will thrive as we shed it. We will have to self validate as when we stop playing these roles; we will enter into the fear that we have been avoiding. The fear of disappointment, anger, embarrassment, and abandonment. You will feel the resistance of others around you as they depend on you to be that mirror of reflection that they need. It's no longer about what they needed you to be, it's now time for you to be who you know you are deep down below the role, below, the hurt, below the embarrassment, below the fear. Its time to start serving yourself, your recovery is not about anyone else but you. You are now there for yourself first. Then and only then can you be there for someone else. The difference is that now it will be your choice who you choose to be there for and how. - Website: - Instagram: - Subscribe:
June 02, 2020
EP 0019 - Original Pain Work
Become A Subscriber For access to all episodes and bonus content. Original pain work is the most challenging work you're ever going to do. You can read as many books as you want. You can listen to as many audiobooks, you can listen to as many podcasts, over and over on an endless loop, it is comforting, it does feel good when you hear somebody that speaks words that you needed to hear, you feel understood, somebody finally gets you. And there's a comfort in reading those words and hearing that voice say them, but it's never going to remove unwanted feelings altogether.  Sitting with painful feelings and re-experiencing them, teaching ourselves that we can handle them is the way out of your pain and the path to joy. - Website: - Instagram: - Subscribe:
May 28, 2020
EP 0018 - Anger, Allowed To Have It?
Become A Subscriber For access to all episodes and bonus content. Anger can set boundaries and set limits. Anger is your protection. Emotions are energy in motion, and anger has powerful energy behind it. When you fear other people's anger and you fear experiencing your anger, you have no self-protection. Not only do we not have our protection, but we also take that unexpressed anger, all that hate, and all that rage, and we turn it upon ourselves. We end up hating ourselves. It was a survival instinct; at that age, no child can survive on their own. It was an unconscious choice, better to self abandon than to have been abandoned by our source caretakers by expressing unwanted emotions. If you want to stop self-hating, you will need to get in touch with your anger and learn how to experience and express it in a healthy way. - Website: - Instagram: - Subscribe:
May 19, 2020
EP 0017 - Numbing Out And Staying Stuck
Become A Subscriber For access to all episodes and bonus content. We Stay stuck by numbing out. We have found ways to live our life where we avoid any resistance or bad feelings. We are stuck in limbo complaining about others. All that energy and time wasted could be better well spent owing up to who you are and how you feel about yourself. It's time to own up to the things we don't like about ourselves. It's extremely difficult to be vulnerable, to experience the traits and feelings you don't like and or accept within yourself, to explore the darkness within you. You can't genuinely allow another in until you let yourself in first. Getting to know who you are, walking through those fears, embracing the parts of you that you hide, that you don't like, that you despise, that wasn't accepted, that's where freedom is. These are the places you need to go. You can go there, and you can become comfortable with the parts of you that weren't loved, the parts of you that you hate within yourself. You don't have to hide from them anymore. You don't have to protect them from the world.  By owing and incorporating the parts of you that you cut off, bringing the light and darkness together to live as one within you, peace will find you. - Website: - Instagram: - Subscribe:
May 13, 2020
EP 0016 - Boundary: A Responsibility Line
Become A Subscriber For access to all episodes and bonus content. Feel like you are losing your freedom, losing yourself, or losing your identity in a relationship? Its time to set some personal boundaries, take responsibility for your own needs, and not taking on the emotional responsibilities of others. Too often, we expect others to be responsible for our feelings, our happiness, and our sadness. It's no one's job to take care of our emotions but us, just like its not our responsibility to take on the emotional needs of others.  A boundary is a responsibility line. When you set a boundary, you are letting someone know where your responsibility ends, and their responsibility begins. If you don't set boundaries, you're just going to keep taking on responsibilities that are not yours to take on.  - Website: - Instagram: - Subscribe:
May 06, 2020
EP 0015 - False Self and Fear
Become A Subscriber For access to all episodes and bonus content. As children, our survival our life depended on our source figures, the people who raised us. We instinctively knew that we are helpless without them, and without them, we would die. We learn quickly the difference between things we do that anger and upset our source figures and the things that please them. The personality traits and behaviors that displease the people who were raising us, we cut off those parts of ourselves, and the false self was born. We gravitate and cultivate the parts of us that they find lovable and take those parts on as our identity, leaving all other parts of us to wither and die off, but they never entirely go away. They come out as addictions and other forms of mood-altering, so we don't ever feel or express them again. To give up the false self, we must enter into the feelings of fear we had as children, incorporate those parts of us we have cut off and reclaim them. Fear arises when we move away from the false self, and our body starts to tremble, our mind begins to race, panic starts to take over as our flight or fight response kicks in. We want to run, to avoid, and put as much distance between us and the feelings as we can as these feelings were more than the child could handle, the emotions felt like death. It all comes down to fear. To undo the false self, we have to peel away the layers. We have to feel the feelings that we fear, sit with them, face them, and let those come out of us instead of pushing them down, pushing them away, cutting them off. Nobody can take your fear, or your pain away, except you. I wish there were a quicker, easier way or a magic pill. There just isn't. - Website: - Instagram: - Subscribe:
April 29, 2020
EP 0014 - Isolation and Trauma
Become A Subscriber For access to all episodes and bonus content. We don't feel safe out in the world because we don't feel safe within ourselves. We isolate out of fear and shame. What the world is experiencing now is something that we've experienced our entire lives... Self Isolation 
This quarantine feels very familiar, safe, and comfortable on so many levels for people with panic, anxiety, and trauma.
 The enemy for us is the panic, fear, and unresolved trauma that lives within us.  There is a barrier between the conscious and the subconscious that we can't seem to penetrate out of fear of re-experiencing the original emotions from the events of the past that now cause us so much pain.  We spend so much time keeping busy, keeping away from the feelings, hiding them, masking them, and pretending that they're not there. We've put so much distance between the original abuse, pain, and trauma that we don't know how to get back to it.  If we don't feel safe within ourselves, how can we feel safe out in the world? By re-experiencing what we avoid the most... the original pain. We could not handle it emotionally when it happened, so we cut off and disassociated from the feelings, emotions, and events of the past; we have been avoiding those feelings ever since.  The only way to overcome fear is to stand up to fear. This will be the most challenging work you will ever do. The feelings are so frightening they feel like you are facing death, that if you allow yourself to feel what you fear, you will die. Because you could not handle it back then does not mean you will not be able to handle it now. We need to teach ourselves that we are stronger than our fears.  - Website: -  Instagram:  - Subscribe:
April 22, 2020
EP 0013 - Under Quarantine
Become A Subscriber For access to all episodes and bonus content. It's a little past midnight, and I'm sitting here alone, looking out the window to the vast emptiness that is out there. This quarantine has not discomforted me in the way of anxiety and fear. I'm not sure why a complete calmness came over me. Perhaps it's because there is only one thing I can do, keep distance, the rest is out of my control. Or maybe it's that for the first time, all of humanity is on the same page, and I feel connected to the human race in a way I have never felt before. We are all working together for the greater good. Ironically, we needed to separate from each other to unite. We are no longer fighting ourselves or each other to get ahead. We are finally all in this life together. We are all taking the time to take care of ourselves, and in the process, we are taking care of each other as a whole. Has there ever been a time where the entire world was affected by the same thing, in the same way at the same time? There is one collective consciousness happening right now. I know there's a lot of tragedy out there. I've experienced a loss over the last two days. Worry and fear are not going to bring my friends back, and it's not going to keep us safe. We have got it all wrong. We put money, greed, power, status, and celebrity above everything else. The health of this planet and all who inhabit it needs to come first. That is what will keep us safe. And right now that is what feels like is going on, that is the silver lining. - Website: - Instagram: - Subscribe:
April 10, 2020
EP 0012 - Emotional Junk Draw
Become A Subscriber For access to all episodes and bonus content. Throughout our lifetime, we acquire many many things. We store these things in drawers, closets, storage bins, or wherever. In our minds, we keep saying, one day, I'm going to go through that drawer, that box, or that closet. We never really do. We're living in a very fast-paced world, where if you don't get something back to somebody via text message within an hour, they're outraged. Today's society leaves us with no self-space. I sure do miss the days of the phone bolted to the wall and answering machines.  We need to take the time to go through our excessive baggage. Our emotions are similar to the things that we acquire. As time goes on in this life, we experience more and more events, traumas, disappointments, achievements, failures, successes, and yet we never really take the time to process them properly. We throw them in an emotional junk drawer or closet or storage bin. And they sit there eating away at us, quietly screaming for us to pay attention to them. By not paying attention or processing them, they start to dictate how we live. Whether or not we want to live that way. Having all those emotional events put away instead of dealt with is what keeps us down. It keeps us buried. It keeps us under their control. You know that feeling you get when you finally clean out that closet, that storage bin, or that drawer you've been putting off forever. That's the feeling you get when you start to go back and process the emotional junk drawer of your life…. Lighter and freer. As the years go on and the older you get, the more you ignore, tuck away, and burry, the heavier you become emotionally.  We procrastinate and avoid the things we need to take care of within ourselves. We get so used to living this way as this baggage has been acquired slowly over time, we don't even realize that it's there until one day when we have no more emotional space inside to put anything. We start to slow down because our emotional junk draw is full, and now we have to carry the excess emotional baggage with us everywhere on the surface. When will you take the time for yourself? If not, now, when? Take the time, do the work. It's a painful arc, but when you come down on the other side of the arch, life gets so much easier, so much better. Clear away all the baggage you've been burying and hiding away. Take it out, throw it on the floor, look at it, and then put it in a place that it belongs, so you never have to let it hurt you again. You're strong enough. - Website: - Instagram: - Subscribe:
April 01, 2020
EP 0011 - Leaving The Family System
Become A Subscriber For access to all episodes and bonus content. When you change who you are within a family system, and you no longer play the role you were born into, you're taking a mirror and holding it up to everybody in that system. Holding up this mirror forces them to see themselves outside of their role, outside of their false self. It reflects a more realistic view of themselves. This view is challenging for them to see within themselves, as it takes them out of their role within the family system, and they can't see themselves outside of their role, it's too painful. The system is there to support the image of their false self and mask inadequate feelings, and they will hold to it with dear life. They feel they can live without, while not even knowing it. Instead of embracing the change that you're making within yourself so that you can live a more authentic life, they do not support you; they judge and commend you for forcing them to look at themselves. It's hard enough figuring out who you are outside of the family system, and it is ridiculously painful when you have a constant judgment from the people around you who fight your change with verbal and non-verbal judgment. When leaving the family system, there will be a strong obligation felt within to stay loyal to the people within the family system and to the system itself. This obligation will show itself as guilt, shame, and self-hatred. It is not your job to become someone you are not to make others feel better about themselves, to heal their shame, or patch the hole in their soul. You can not be there for anyone else until you are there for yourself first. Don't let the judgment of others keep you from living the life you deserve. - Website: - Instagram: - Subscribe:
March 23, 2020
EP 0010 - Connection With Self
Become A Subscriber For access to all episodes and bonus content. There is a massive disconnect in the world today, where we seem to be least connected is the connection we have with self. We spend so much time looking for outward validation, and we never really take the time to learn how to validate ourselves. Everything in this life is a reflection. People can reflect on us whatever they see, be it positive or negative. It makes no difference in the long run; what matters is what we reveal to ourselves. Take the time to get to know yourself by stripping away that false self, all of those family systems you adopted to fit in and survive. Invest in yourself to figure out who you are, what you want, and how you want to feel. - Website: - Instagram: - Subscribe:
March 11, 2020
EP 0009 - Learned Helplessness
Become A Subscriber For access to all episodes and bonus content. Learned helplessness is a condition where a person suffers from a sense of feeling powerless. It usually comes from a traumatic event or series of traumatic events or persistent failure to succeed. It's one of the biggest underlying causes of depression. When you grow up with abuse and trauma, you learn helplessness, and it becomes an identity for you, it's the equivalent of being locked in an emotional prison cell. When you grow up, and you move out on your own, nobody is guarding you, the cell door is not locked, and you can walk out at any time, but you can't do it. You have been conditioned to be helpless. We've become unwilling to walk away from the pain. We accept it as our reality. That's why so many of us get stuck in life and can't move forward. It's like we're in this endless loop, where we sit in pain, and we don't know how to get out of it. It becomes our identity, and it becomes our way of life. We have never known any other way than to completely experience pain and accept that as the reality of our lives. When we realized that the prison doors open, and we can leave, the fear of living without the pain keeps us there because we don't know how to exist without it. We are just stuck. Nobody is guarding us. We are the only person that keeps us from the life that we want and deserve. Your learned helplessness is reversible. It's going to take time, patience, and practice to overcome. The more you venture out of that emotional cell and feel the fear when doing so, the more you are reversing your learned helplessness and teaching yourself that you no longer have to be helpless to survive.  - Website: - Instagram: - Subscribe:
March 03, 2020
EP 0008 - Abandonment, Reflection and Self Mirroring
Become A Subscriber For access to all episodes and bonus content. When we were abandoned as children, we learned that to matter to our source figures; we had to leave ourselves and become what they needed us to be. Abandonment will cause you not to have a sense of self. Your life becomes an endless quest to please the people around you to be accepted. We get stuck at a developmental stage of childhood. And we never really get past it unless we learn how to validate ourselves. Everything in this life is a mirror, a reflection. What are we reflecting on ourselves? Abandonment causes our mirror to be tainted with shame, self-hate, self-doubt, and self-humiliation. Our mirror became too painful to look at, and we end up putting too much energy into seeing our reflection from someone else’s mirror. The more you mirror your own thoughts, feelings, and emotions, the less the outside world matters. And the stronger you get within yourself. - Website: - Instagram: - Subscribe:
February 19, 2020
EP 0007 - Internal validation , Owning All Of You
Become A Subscriber For access to all episodes and bonus content. Drew from The Anxious Truth and I was sitting around testing out his new Podcast gear. In the testing, we got into a conversation about part of the recovery process. There were a few gems that came out in the discussion, so I decided to put it out as its own episode. We talk about when your Subconscious telling you that you're done mood-altering. When you no longer have the energy to cover up and hide. When you are sick and tired of wearing the mask of the false self to be accepted by yourself and others, it's time to do the work of uncovering, experiencing, facing, accepting, and owing to the part of you that have been cut off so that you no longer have to hide who you are, not fear your own feelings and to stop being a walking reaction to protect the parts of us we don't want to be seen. - Website: - Instagram: - Subscribe: - The Anxious Truth:
February 12, 2020
EP 0006 - Step Two, Exposure Time
Become A Subscriber For access to this episode and bonus content. We are hiding the parts of us that we cut off, the pieces of us that were not acceptable as children. To protect these parts of ourselves, we create a false self. This false self was our protection, protection from our authentic self being seen by us, and by others so we could survive as a child. As adults, we no longer need this protection to survive. To tear down our false self, we have to become vulnerable, vulnerable within ourselves. We have to expose our true self, the part of us that's been hidden by the false self. We must reexperience the pain and discomfort that we felt being our authentic selves as children by way of exposure. The more we expose and experience the pain, the more we tame the emotions that we have feared. And the more we learn to love ourselves at the core, the need to wear the mask of the false self starts to diminish, and we grow closer to the authenticity within ourselves. - Website: - Instagram: - Subscribe:
February 04, 2020
EP 0005 - False Self, Shame and Separation
Become A Subscriber For access to all episodes and bonus content. The false self is created when we have to cut off emotions that were unacceptable to our source figures. When unacceptable feelings and emotions we expressed, we were shamed and emotionally abandoned. Before logical thought was available to us. We cut off these emotions and were denied our reality in order to survive as children. To take the place of these emotions, we created a false self to give our source figures what they needed for us to be loved and connected. Whenever we need to access the emotions we have cut off we feel shame. This leaves us stuck in a childhood developmental stage. We never separated from our source figures emotionally. To be free from this stage and the shame, we carry we must give up our role and separate from our source figures. We must go into shame and feel what we could not when we were children. - Website: - Instagram: - Subscribe:
January 29, 2020
EP 0004 - Step One, Fed Up And Stripped Down
Become A Subscriber For access to this episode and bonus content. Nothing was working for me anymore. All that has brought me joy and happiness no longer did, and I had no idea why. Motivation and desire were absent from within me, and all I could do was sit in sadness. I had bottomed out, feeling that nothing outside of myself could satisfy me anymore. What I didn’t know then is that it was step one of my recovery process. I had slowly stripped away all the people, places, and things that once made me feel good. I stopped pretending I was okay and just started to be. I sat with the feelings I have always avoided and started to explore myself and the world alone. Instead of doing where I relied on others, I starting doing where I only relied on myself. The new things I discovered slowly started to become a foundation of self-trust, competence, and the core of me. - Website: - Instagram: - Subscribe:
January 18, 2020
EP 0003 - Blocked On Instagram
Become A Subscriber For access to all episodes and bonus content. After recording an episode of The Anxious Truth Podcast we just kept talking. The discussion started with my account being blocked on Instagram, the reaction from friends and followers and how their response leads me to memories that had negative actions on my path up to this point.  - Website: - Instagram: - Subscribe: The Anxious Truth Podcast:
January 09, 2020
EP 0002 - Validating From The Inside Out
Become A Subscriber For access to all episodes and bonus content. Shift Your Focus From Internalizing How You Perceive People See You And Start Looking At How You View Yourself. Validate From The Inside Out. - Website: - Instagram: - Subscribe:
January 02, 2020
EP 0001 - Pause For The Trauma Response
Become A Subscriber For access to this episode and bonus content. If we don't take responsibility for our own emotions and reactions we will never heal. We will live this endless loop of blame and victimhood. We will find our world getting smaller and smaller, experience less joy, and become more reactive over time. Living life as a walking reaction is no way to live. Pausing at the trauma response, not reacting and allowing yourself to feel the feelings you fear is the way to disarm the trauma response - Website: - Instagram: - Subscribe:
January 02, 2020