It’s Not You, It’s Your Trauma - Trauma, PTSD, Abuse, Anxiety & Recovery - Joe Ryan

It’s Not You, It’s Your Trauma - Trauma, PTSD, Abuse, Anxiety & Recovery - Joe Ryan

By Joe Ryan
Real, genuine, vulnerable, and honest talk. There are no quick fixes from trauma, abuse, addiction, PSTD, or anxiety. Knowing what happened to you is only part of the process, we have to relive the feelings, emotions, and scenes we avoid. When we stop blaming, making excuses and take responsibility for our own emotions, that’s the start of moving from victim to surviving, from surviving to survivor and finally to thriving and teaching.
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EP 0025 - Self Parenting
It is not a child's responsibility to fill a parent's needs. When parents bring a child into this world, it is the parents' responsibility to fill the child up with its basic narcissistic needs. To give the child a foundation of self-love to build upon. The child needs to feel that the parent is there for them and not the other way around.  You should have been giving their blessing to go out in the world and find out who you are, where you belong, and who you were born to be. That's not the message we received. The message we received was, don't leave me, you're responsible for my feelings, my happiness, please keep a shiny, glossy, perfect facade for the world to see so that I don't feel my shame. When your basic narcissistic needs weren't met in infancy, your worth and value would be determined by how you feel others perceive you. Self-parenting yourself how you needed to be parented will tap the source of your self-worth.  - Website: https://joeryan.com  -  Instagram: https://instagram.com/joeryan   - Support This Podcast: https://joeryan.com/support
27:10
July 8, 2020
EP 0024 - Stigma and Negative Talk
We have a massive amount of stigmas in this world based on wealth, status, and looks. We spend our precious energy, creating a facade, an appearance that looks impeccable to the world, a false self.  A big part of recovery is overcoming stigmas and eliminating our negative dialog, accepting ourselves based on how we feel about ourselves, not on how we perceive the world is seeing us.  We don't value heart, soul, integrity, truth, and honesty, which makes it is so hard for people to come out of hiding. To show, love, and accept the parts of themselves that they feel are unacceptable due to the stigmas of their family and society systems.  People bury those parts of themselves, deep, and go so far in the other direction so that nobody ever looks at them,  nobody can ever see them, and nobody can know that there.   - Website: https://joeryan.com   Instagram: https://instagram.com/joeryan   Support This Podcast: https://joeryan.com/support
19:04
June 30, 2020
EP 0023 - The Narcissist Within Us
The judgment that we had felt, the pressure and the demands to become what somebody else needed us to be so that they didn't feel anything uncomfortable, they didn't feel judgment any ridicule any self-doubt. Becoming what they needed us to be so that they felt adored and loved. We ended putting those same demands on ourselves, we take that narcissistic power that we've experienced, and we point that power against ourselves. We are still trying to become what they wanted us to be; that was the only way we were lovable. Anything short of that perfection others were seeking, and we feel like we have failed ourselves. Enter self-hate and self-doubt.  There are tapes of negativity, judgment, and shame that we have adopted that run in our subconscious on an endless look telling us that we are not good enough and not worthy of love and acceptance for who we are. These tapes become our identity, and most of us don't even know that they are there. We see ourselves through the words, sights, beliefs, and feelings or another; we believe that it is our vision of ourselves when it's the narcissist within us  - Website: https://joeryan.com   Instagram: https://instagram.com/joeryan   Support This Podcast: https://joeryan.com/support
20:09
June 24, 2020
EP 0022 - Suicidal Thoughts
We deal with many sigmas, and suicide is very close to the top of the list. There are few open discussions about it, which makes those who have the thoughts feel more alone and ashamed for having them. This episode deals with suicide, suicidal thoughts, and suicidal feelings. If you are not in a place to hear about this topic, are having suicidal thoughts, don’t listen and call the National Suicide Prevention Lifeline  1-800-273-8255 https://suicidepreventionlifeline.org  - Website: https://joeryan.com   Instagram: https://instagram.com/joeryan   Support This Podcast: https://joeryan.com/support
30:59
June 16, 2020
EP 0021 - Create Space, Create Life
What is the payoff in doing all this original pain work, going into your pain, trauma, and darkness? Is there a payoff? Yeah, there is. We do this work in layers. We take what's disturbing the peace within us and start to look at that first. We slowly process the pain and fear. We learn to accept and own it by feeling it. Once processed and released, we are emotionally lighter now that we have reclaimed space within us where pain once resided.  Within this space is where we create our life our way. You can now choose to fill this space with creativity, productivity, competency, and joy. Then it's on to the next layer, and the process repeats. Walk into your fear, feel it absorb it, process it, and be done with it. Then get out there and start living your life your way. Website: https://joeryan.com  Instagram: https://instagram.com/joeryan  Support This Podcast: https://joeryan.com/support
16:00
June 9, 2020
EP 0020 - Fear and Roles
We don't have the energy or desire to pretend anymore, but who are we, if we're not acting and being in roles to cover up where we feel inadequate. We will find this out as we let go of who we need to be and start being who we were born to be. How do we accomplish this? First, we must acknowledge and identify that we are playing a role, a role that was necessary for survival. That we no longer need to play this part, as it no longer serves us, that we can not only survive but will thrive as we shed it. We will have to self validate as when we stop playing these roles; we will enter into the fear that we have been avoiding. The fear of disappointment, anger, embarrassment, and abandonment. You will feel the resistance of others around you as they depend on you to be that mirror of reflection that they need. It's no longer about what they needed you to be, it's now time for you to be who you know you are deep down below the role, below, the hurt, below the embarrassment, below the fear. Its time to start serving yourself, your recovery is not about anyone else but you. You are now there for yourself first. Then and only then can you be there for someone else. The difference is that now it will be your choice who you choose to be there for and how. Website: https://joeryan.com  Instagram: https://instagram.com/joeryan  Support This Podcast: https://joeryan.com/support
18:12
June 2, 2020
EP 0019 - Original Pain Work
Original pain work is the most challenging work you're ever going to do. You can read as many books as you want. You can listen to as many audiobooks, you can listen to as many podcasts, over and over on an endless loop, it is comforting, it does feel good when you hear somebody that speaks words that you needed to hear, you feel understood, somebody finally gets you. And there's a comfort in reading those words and hearing that voice say them, but it's never going to remove unwanted feelings altogether.  Sitting with painful feelings and re-experiencing them, teaching ourselves that we can handle them is the way out of your pain and the path to joy. Website: https://joeryan.com  Instagram: https://instagram.com/joeryan  Support This Podcast: https://joeryan.com/support
15:39
May 28, 2020
EP 0018 - Anger, Allowed To Have It?
Anger can set boundaries and set limits. Anger is your protection. Emotions are energy in motion, and anger has powerful energy behind it. When you fear other people's anger and you fear experiencing your anger, you have no self-protection. Not only do we not have our protection, but we also take that unexpressed anger, all that hate, and all that rage, and we turn it upon ourselves. We end up hating ourselves. It was a survival instinct; at that age, no child can survive on their own. It was an unconscious choice, better to self abandon, then to have been abandoned by our source caretakers by expressing unwanted emotions. If you want to stop self-hating, you will need to get in touch with your anger and learn how to experience and express it in a healthy way. Website: https://joeryan.com  Instagram: https://instagram.com/joeryan  Support This Podcast: https://joeryan.com/support
12:36
May 19, 2020
EP 0017 - Numbing Out And Staying Stuck
We Stay stuck by numbing out. We have found ways to live our life where we avoid any resistance or bad feelings. We are stuck in limbo complaining about others. All that energy and time wasted could be better well spent owing up to who you are and how you feel about yourself. It's time to own up to the things we don't like about ourselves. Its extremely difficult to be vulnerable, to experience the traits and feelings you don't like and or accept within yourself, to explore the darkness within you. You can't genuinely allow another in until you let yourself in first. Getting to know who you are, walking through those fears, embracing the parts of you that you hide, that you don't like, that you despise, that wasn't accepted, that's where freedom is. These are the places you need to go. You can go there, and you can become comfortable with the parts of you that weren't loved, the parts of you that you hate within yourself. You don't have to hide from them anymore. You don't have to protect them from the world.  By owing and incorporating the parts of you that you cut off, bringing the light and darkness together to live as one within you, peace will find you. Website: https://joeryan.com  Instagram: https://instagram.com/joeryan  Support This Podcast: https://joeryan.com/support
12:26
May 13, 2020
EP 0016 - Boundary: A Responsibility Line
Feel like you are losing your freedom, losing yourself, or losing your identity in a relationship? Its time to set some personal boundaries, take responsibility for your own needs, and not taking on the emotional responsibilities of others. Too often, we expect others to be responsible for our feelings, our happiness, and our sadness. It's no one's job to take care of our emotions but us, just like its not our responsibility to take on the emotional needs of others.  A boundary is a responsibility line. When you set a boundary, you are letting someone know where your responsibility ends, and their responsibility begins. If you don't set boundaries, you're just going to keep taking on responsibilities that are not yours to take on.  Website: https://joeryan.com   Instagram: https://instagram.com/joeryan Support This Podcast: https://joeryan.com/support
08:17
May 6, 2020
EP 0015 - False Self and Fear
As children, our survival our life depended on our source figures, the people who raised us. We instinctively knew that we are helpless without them, and without them, we would die. We learn quickly the difference between things we do that anger and upset our source figures and the things that please them. The personality traits and behaviors that displease the people who were raising us, we cut off those parts of ourselves, and the false self was born. We gravitate and cultivate the parts of us that they find lovable and take those parts on as our identity, leaving all other parts of us to wither and die off, but they never entirely go away. They come out as addictions and other forms of mood-altering, so we don't ever feel or express them again. To give up the false self, we must enter into the feelings of fear we had as children, incorporate those parts of us we have cut off and reclaim them. Fear arises when we move away from the false self, and our body starts to tremble, our mind begins to race, panic starts to take over as our flight or fight response kicks in. We want to run, to avoid and put as much distance between us and the feelings as we can as these feelings were more than the child could handle, the emotions felt like death. It all comes down to fear. To undo the false self, we have to peel away the layers. We have to feel the feelings that we fear, sit with them, face them, and let those come out of us instead of pushing them down, pushing them away, cutting them off. Nobody can take your fear, or your pain away, except you. I wish there were a quicker, easier way or a magic pill. There just isn't. Website: https://joeryan.com   Instagram: https://instagram.com/joeryan Support This Podcast: https://joeryan.com/support
14:16
April 29, 2020
EP 0014 - Isolation and Trauma
We don't feel safe out in the world because we don't feel safe within ourselves. We isolate out of fear and shame. What the world is experiencing now is something that we've experienced our entire lives... Self Isolation 
This quarantine feels very familiar, safe, and comfortable on so many levels for people with panic, anxiety, and trauma.
 The enemy for us is the panic, fear, and unresolved trauma that lives within us.  There is a barrier between the conscious and the subconscious that we can't seem to penetrate out of fear of re-experiencing the original emotions from the events of the past that now cause us so much pain.  We spend so much time keeping busy, keeping away from the feelings, hiding them, masking them, and pretending that they're not there. We've put so much distance between the original abuse, pain, and trauma that we don't know how to get back to it.  If we don't feel safe within ourselves, how can we feel safe out in the world? By re-experiencing what we avoid the most... the original pain. We could not handle it emotionally when it happened, so we cut off and disassociated from the feelings, emotions, and events of the past; we have been avoiding those feelings ever since.  The only way to overcome fear is to stand up to fear. This will be the most challenging work you will ever do. The feelings are so frightening they feel like you are facing death, that if you allow yourself to feel what you fear, you will die. Because you could not handle it back then does not mean you will not be able to handle it now. We need to teach ourselves that we are stronger than our fears.  Website: https://joeryan.com   Instagram: https://instagram.com/joeryan
12:50
April 22, 2020
EP 0013 - Under Quarantine
It's a little past midnight, and I'm sitting here alone, looking out the window to the vast emptiness that is out there. This quarantine has not discomforted me in the way of anxiety and fear. I'm not sure why a complete calmness came over me. Perhaps its because there is only one thing I can do, keep distance, the rest his out of my control. Or maybe its that for the first time, all of humanity is on the same page, and I feel connected to the human race in a way I have never felt before. We are all working together for the greater good. Ironically, we needed to separate from each other to unite. We are no longer fighting ourselves or each other to get ahead. We are finally all in this life together. We are all taking the time to take care of ourselves, and in the process, we are taking care of each other as a whole. Has there ever been a time where the entire world was affected by the same thing, in the same way at the same time? There is one collective consciousness happening right now. I know there's a lot of tragedy out there. I've experienced a loss over the last two days. Worry and fear are not going to bring my friends back, and it's not going to keep us safe. We have got it all wrong. We put money, greed, power, status, and celebrity above everything else. The health of this planet and the all who inhabit it needs to come first. That is what will keep us safe. And right now that is what feels like is going on, that is the silver lining. Website: https://joeryan.com   Instagram: https://instagram.com/joeryan
13:46
April 10, 2020
EP 0012 - Emotional Junk Draw
Throughout our lifetime, we acquire many many things. We store these things in drawers, closets, storage bins, or wherever. In our minds, we keep saying, one day, I'm going to go through that drawer, that box, or that closet. We never really do. We're living in a very fast-paced world, where if you don't get something back to somebody via text message within an hour, they're outraged. Today's society leaves us with no self-space. I sure do miss the days of the phone bolted to the wall and answering machines. We need to take the time to go through our excessive baggage. Our emotions are similar to the things that we acquire. As time goes on in this life, we experience more and more events, traumas, disappointments, achievements, failures, successes, and yet we never really take the time to process them properly. We throw them in an emotional junk drawer or closet or storage bin. And they sit there eating away at us, quietly screaming for us to pay attention to them. By not paying attention or processing them, they start to dictate how we live. Whether or not we want to live that way. Having all those emotional events put away instead of dealt with is what keeps us down. It keeps us buried. It keeps us under there control. You know that feeling you get when you finally clean out that closet, that storage bin or that drawer you've been putting off forever. That's the feeling you get when you start to go back and process the emotional junk drawer of your life…. Lighter and freer. As the years go on and the older you get, the more you ignore, tuck away and burry, the heavier you become emotionally. We procrastinate and avoid the things we need to take care of within ourselves. We get so used to living this way as this baggage has been acquired slowly over time, we don't even realize that it's there until one day when we have no more emotional space inside to put anything. We start to slow down because our emotional junk draw is full, and now we have to carry the excess emotional baggage with us everywhere on the surface. When will you take the time for yourself? If not, now, when? Take the time, do the work. It's a painful arc, but when you come down on the other side of the arch, life gets so much easier, so much better. Clear away all the baggage you've been burying and hiding away. Take it out, throw it on the floor, look at it, and then put it in a place that it belongs, so you never have to let it hurt you again. You're strong enough. Website: https://joeryan.com   Instagram: https://instagram.com/joeryan
16:11
April 1, 2020
EP 0011 - Leaving The Family System
When you change who you are within a family system, and you no longer play the role you were born into, you're taking a mirror and holding it up to everybody in that system. Holding up this mirror forces them to see themselves outside of their role, outside of their false self. It reflects a more realistic view of themselves. This view is challenging for them to see within themselves, as it takes them out of their role within the family system, and they can't see themselves outside of their role, its too painful. The system is there to support the image of their false self and mask inadequate feelings, and they will hold to it with dear life. They feel they can live without, while not even knowing it. Instead of embracing the change that you're making within yourself so that you can live a more authentic life, they do not support you; they judge and commend you for forcing them to look at themselves. It's hard enough figuring out who you are outside of the family system, and it is ridiculously painful when you have a constant judgment from the people around you who fight your change with verbal and non-verbal judgment. When leaving the family system, there will be a strong obligation felt within to stay loyal to the people within the family system and to the system itself. This obligation will show itself as guilt, shame, and self-hatred. It is not your job to become someone you are not to make others feel better about themselves, to heal their shame, or patch the hole in their soul. You can not be there of anyone else until you are there for yourself first. Don't let the judgment of others keep you from living the life you deserve. Website: https://joeryan.com   Instagram: https://instagram.com/joeryan
12:24
March 23, 2020
EP 0010 - Connection With Self
There is a massive disconnect in the world today, where we seem to be least connected is the connection we have with self. We spend so much time looking for outward validation, and we never really take the time to learn how to validate ourselves. Everything in this life is a reflection. People can reflect on us whatever they see, be it positive or negative. It makes no difference in the long run; what matters is what we reveal to ourselves. Take the time to get to know you by stripping away that false self, all of those family systems you adopted to fit in and survive. Invest in yourself to figure out who you are, what you want, and how you want to feel. Website: https://joeryan.com   Instagram: https://instagram.com/joeryan
14:45
March 11, 2020
EP 0009 - Learned Helplessness
Learned helplessness is a condition where a person suffers from a sense of feeling powerless. It usually comes from a traumatic event or series of traumatic events or persistent failure to succeed. It's one of the biggest underlying causes of depression. When you grow up with abuse and trauma, you learn helplessness, and it becomes an identity for you, its the equivalent to being locked in an emotional prison cell. When you grow up, and you move out on your own, nobody is guarding you, the cell door is not locked, and you can walk out at any time, but you can't do it. You have been conditioned to be helpless. We've become unwilling to walk away from the pain. We accept it as our reality. That's why so many of us get stuck in life and can't move forward. It's like we're in this endless loop, where we sit in pain, and we don't know how to get out of it. It becomes our identity, and it becomes our way of life. We have never known any other way than to completely experience pain and accept that as the reality of our lives. When we realized that the prison doors open, and we can leave, the fear of living without the pain keeps us there because we don't know how to exist without it. We are just stuck. Nobody is guarding us. We are the only person that keeps us from the life that we want and deserve. Your learned helplessness is reversible. It's going to take time, patience, and practice to overcome. The more you venture out of that emotional cell and feel the fear when doing so, the more you are reversing your learned helplessness and teaching yourself that no longer have to be helpless to survive.  Website: https://joeryan.com   Instagram: https://instagram.com/joeryan
14:51
March 3, 2020
EP 0008 - Abandonment, Reflection and Self Mirroring
When we were abandoned as children, we learned that to matter to our source figures; we had to leave ourselves and become what they needed us to be. Abandonment will cause you not to have a sense of self. Your life becomes an endless quest to please the people around you to be accepted. We get stuck at a developmental stage of childhood. And we never really get past it unless we learn how to validate ourselves. Everything in this life is a mirror, a reflection. What are we reflecting on ourselves? Abandonment causes our mirror to be tainted with shame, self-hate, self-doubt, and self-humiliation. Our mirror became too painful to look at, and we end up putting too much energy into seeing our reflection from someone else’s mirror. The more you mirror your own thoughts, feelings, and emotions, the less the outside world matters. And the stronger you get within yourself. Website: https://joeryan.com Instagram https://instagram.com/joeryan
12:46
February 19, 2020
EP 0007 - Internal validation , Owning All Of You
Drew from The Anxious Truth and I were sitting around testing out his new Podcast gear. In the testing, we got into a conversation about part of the recovery process. There were a few gems that came out in the discussion, so I decided to put it out as its own episode. We talk about when your Subconscious telling you that you're done mood-altering. When you no longer have the energy to cover up and hide. When you are sick and tired of wearing the mask of the false self to be accepted by yourself and others, it's time to do the work of uncovering, experiencing, facing, accepting and owing the part of you that have been cut off so that you no longer have to hide who you are, not fear your own feelings and to stop being a walking reaction to protect the parts of us we don't want to be seen. Website: https://joeryan.com Instagram:  https://instagram.com/joeryan The Anxious Truth: https://theanxioustruth.com
46:29
February 12, 2020
EP 0006 - Step Two, Exposure Time
We are hiding the parts of us that we cut off, the pieces of us that were not acceptable as children. To protect these parts of ourselves, we create a false self. This false self was our protection, protection from our authentic self being seen by us, and by others so we could survive as a child. As adults, we no longer need this protection to survive. To tear down our false self, we have to become vulnerable, vulnerable within ourselves. We have to expose our true self, the part of us that's been hidden by the false self. We must reexperience the pain and discomfort that we felt being our authentic selves as children by way of exposure. The more we expose and experience the pain, the more we tame the emotions that we have feared. And the more we learn to love ourselves at the core, the need to wear the mask of the false self starts to diminish, and we grow closer to the authenticity within ourselves. Website: https://joeryan.com Instagram:  https://instagram.com/joeryan
13:59
February 4, 2020
EP 0005 - False Self, Shame and Separation
The false self is created when we have to cut off emotions that were unacceptable to our source figures. When unacceptable feelings and emotions we expressed, we were shamed and emotionally abandoned. Before logical thought was available to us. We cut off these emotions and were denied our reality in order to survive as children. To take the place of these emotions, we created a false self to give our source figures what they needed for us to be loved and connected. Whenever we need to access the emotions we have cut off we feel shame. This leaves us stuck in a childhood developmental stage. We never separated from our source figures emotionally. To free from this stage and the shame, we carry we must give up our role and separate from our source figures. We must go into shame and feel what we could not when we were children. Website: https://joeryan.com Instagram:  https://instagram.com/joeryan
12:24
January 29, 2020
EP 0004 - Step One, Fed Up And Stripped Down
Nothing was working for me anymore. All that has brought me joy and happiness no longer did, and I had no idea why. Motivation and desire were absent from within me, and all I could do was sit in sadness. I had bottomed out, feeling that nothing outside of myself could satisfy me anymore. What I didn’t know then is that it was step one of my recovery process. I had slowly stripped away all the people, places, and things that once made me feel good. I stopped pretending I was okay and just started to be. I sat with the feelings I have always avoided and started to explore myself and the world alone. Instead of doing where I relied on others, I starting doing where I only relied on me. The new things I discovered slowly started to become a foundation of self-trust, competence, and the core of me. Website: https://joeryan.com Instagram: https://instagram.com/joeryan
16:09
January 18, 2020
EP 0003 - Blocked On Instagram
After recording an episode of The Anxious Truth Podcast we just kept talking. The discussion started with my account being blocked on Instagram, the reaction from friends and followers and how their response leads me to memories that had negative actions on my path up to this point.  Website: https://joeryan.com Instagram: https://instagram.com/joeryan The Anxious Truth Podcast: https://theanxioustruth.com
26:04
January 9, 2020
EP 0002 - Validating From The Inside Out
Shift Your Focus From Internalizing How You Perceive People See You And Start Looking At How You View Yourself. Validate From The Inside Out. Website: joeryan.com Instagram: @joeryan Managed Wordpress Hosting Provided By iamhelix.com
14:53
January 2, 2020
EP 0001 - Pause For The Trauma Response
If we don't take responsibility for our own emotions and reactions we will never heal. We will live this endless loop of blame and victimhood. We will find our world getting smaller and smaller, experience less joy, and become more reactive over time. Living life as a walking reaction is no way to live. Pausing at the trauma response, not reacting and allowing yourself to feel the feelings you fear is the way to disarm the trauma response Website: joeryan.com Instagram: @joeryan Managed Wordpress Hosting Provided By iamhelix.com
12:42
January 2, 2020