Are you here to be entertained?

Today as I record this, I am almost ready to face these people. At least, I think I am. For my co-counsel, I think I could manage a smile that touches my eyes and speaks of sadness and no fondness. And for the labelled, I think I could manage a smile that conveys respect and caution. And for those that I love, I am ready now to convey the same stability and love that I want to be able to give.  Let us not suffer in silence.  This episode is also available as a blog post: https://areyouhereforentertainment.wordpress.com/2022/11/23/let-us-not-suffer/

In many ways, I should have recorded these and posted them on each of the days that I wrote them. That the emotions on each day had been real for me, and that now, in the middle of processing them, there is a quality of mutedness that I wish was not there. That I could not convey how much I loved and how much I hurt in each word.  But as I had drafted these lines on paper in our home when we were in London, I was soaking in my own emotions. That someone on the team had found my post it, and folded it up completely. Now, reflecting on them, I know how badly I hurt but do not relieve that same trauma again. This episode is also available as a blog post: https://areyouhereforentertainment.wordpress.com/2022/11/09/at-4-am-in-the-morning-in-london/

I wrote this knowing I would read it, wondering if I would be able to send it. I don't think I will be able to, but nevertheless, this was the emotion I had. That I have and I am still trying to swallow. This episode is also available as a blog post: https://areyouhereforentertainment.wordpress.com/2022/09/26/a-bundle-of-contradictions/

This episode is also available as a blog post: https://areyouhereforentertainment.wordpress.com/2022/04/21/the-sunlight-streaming-into-this-room/

This episode is also available as a blog post: https://areyouhereforentertainment.wordpress.com/2021/08/27/you-are-not-a-machine-with-broken-parts/

This episode is also available as a blog post: https://areyouhereforentertainment.wordpress.com/2020/09/21/half-her-face-hidden-in-those-voluminous-sleeves/

This episode is also available as a blog post: https://areyouhereforentertainment.wordpress.com/2022/08/28/all-the-things/

This episode is also available as a blog post: https://areyouhereforentertainment.wordpress.com/2022/07/10/i-was-told-that-love-is-something-that/ The second post I picked. This is one of the emotions I have been better able to process. My own discomfort. 

This episode is also available as a blog post: https://areyouhereforentertainment.wordpress.com/2020/03/15/dear-mr-ng/ It was the first episode I recorded audio for, and it's still difficult to do so. I surprised myself with how hard it was to get through this post, but also because this post has so many things that I regretted not saying.