Josh Talks Podcast

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Life is a competition, a race, a battle, and a lot of other things. In the midst of it all, never forget, I am me and you are you.
We all want the best out of life, some will get it, some won’t. Of those who will, some will get it early, others will get it later. I cannot pace myself by the speed others are moving at.
Some take life as a sprint, others take it as a series of sprints, some others take it as a marathon. In the midst of it all, I will never forget that the race is not to the swift, nor the battle to the strong, neither yet bread to the wise, nor yet riches to men of understanding, nor yet favor to men of skill; but time and chance happeneth to them all.
I know the car I want to buy, I see my mates riding in it already. I love living in Lagos, but I hate the traffic, having a helicopter won’t hurt. I will love to give my wife her dream life of flying off to whatever country of the world she fancies, a private jet would make that even sweeter. I want a duplex in one of the highbrow areas of Lagos too. Having a couple of millions or billions will enable all of that.
My mates are already living that life, but my mates are already getting buried too.
Always the bridesmaid, never the bride. Should I also say, always the pallbearer, never the corpse?
We all want the best out of life, but our definition of “best” differs. I want a Toyota, you want a Lexus. Neither of us are wrong. I want a tall wife, you prefer a short one, best of luck to both of us. I can tell you are going the wrong way, I try to correct you, you go ahead just to spite me, once again, I am me, and you are you.
It is cos we’ll each either get in trouble or earn commendations, that’s why we were given names at birth. It’s cos I am destined for a different type of greatness, that’s why my parents opted for the name I was given. I don’t know why you bear your own name, but I do know everyone will answer to their own name eventually.
I am me and can never be you, you are you and can never be me.

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Friendship is a sacred thing to me and it’s not for hire. It is time I begin to scrutinize my friends, note who is seeing our relationship as a selfish business engagement, who is using me for selfish interest, who is all about adding toxicity into my life, and get rid of them.
My friendship has never been for hire, that’s why I have always built relationship not caring about immediate gains nor considering what I could pilfer off you. I always want my friends to be alright, put their interest at heart and try to check up on them to make sure they are alright. But when someone chooses to take all of that for granted, or only check on me when they have a need I can satisfy, but will never make themselves available when needed except for hire, then it’s time to draw the line.
If everything you can do for me, I have to hire you for it, but I gotta constantly help you out, what are we friends for? Do you think our relationship is a mono-directional resource sharing arrangement? You think I don’t know the value of money?
It is time I begin to stand my ground. As I make the effort to keep the embers of our friendship aflame, I’ll like to see you try too. If our relationship would be that of “for hire”, then two can play that game. And if ever I find someone who is just a little better at whatever you do, then “we” are over.
As for those friends who have proven to be true friends and not just friends for hire, I am ever grateful to God for you and will continually appreciate your presence in my life.
I am indeed blessed to have known you.

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I have been an admirer of Will and Jada Pinkett Smith for a while now. Looking at their family, it seems like the perfect blend of husband and wife material, resulting in arguably one of the most beautiful family in Hollywood.
Nigeria has had a massive fascination with this term, as well as husband material. As a matter of fact, a perfectly acceptable explanation for ending a dating relationship or engagement is “she is not wife material”. Mothers are pressuring their marriage eligible daughters to display more of wife material-ish (or ism, whichever is right).
Meanwhile, I have always wondered, what exactly is wife material? Who invented it? Is there a universally accepted or “Nigerianly” accepted standard? A checklist maybe, that I can peruse against a lady to tell if she has passed the Standardized test? And is there a benchmark I am supposed to attain to be acknowledged as a husband material?
Considering how different we are, in preference, character and psychological make up, would the same thing count as wife material in my sight just as it does to my next-door neighbor? Wouldn’t his definition of an ideal wife end up being my definition of side chick material? What about those that want their wife to double as their side chicks? 
The reality is our expectations in seeking for a spouse is not uniform. One man’s Wonder Woman is another man’s Harlequin and one lady’s Bat Man is another lady’s Joker. But who is to say that they don’t prefer a Harlequin or Joker?
In summary, even Jada Pinkett Smith doesn’t think she is wife material, but she has been married for twenty plus years. Know the kind of person you are and seek out someone who balances you out and is happily satisfied with having someone like you in their lives.
Others might not see you as a husband or wife material, but you are the perfect spouse someone else is out there seeking.

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As a child, I read the story of how a robbery was witnessed by two close friends, one was a short man, and the other was a tall man.
Both men were subsequently called upon to testify before the king and elders of the land about what they had witnessed. They both agreed on everything the other person said, until one of the elders asked “was the thief tall or short?”
One of the men insisted the thief was a tall man, while the other swore on everything he held dear that the thief was short. This left the elders confused.
They spent over fifteen minutes arguing on this, until it dawned on one of the elders that by the physical gesticulation being made by both men, they were actually summing up the height of the thief to be around the same point. It was the summarily descriptive word that was different.
The elder then asked the first man that how tall he thinks the thief is, he said 5ft 6. He asked the second man, and he said 5ft 7. The elder then pointed out to everyone that both men were actually looking at the same thief, from different angles and agreeing on the height of the thief.
To the tall man, the thief was short; to the short man, the thief was tall. But in reality, the thief was actually of average height.
How we view the world and everything in it, how we relate with others, how we treat even ourselves is influenced by our past experiences. The joys, pains, victories, losses, friends, foes and everything in between.
There is a saying that someone who has been attacked by a mad man will cross to the other side of the road if he sees a mechanic in dirty clothes approaching him. That will seem farfetched to someone who has never experienced the trauma of such attack, but someone else who has lived through that pain would question how much you love yourself if he sees you try to converse with a seemingly unstable person.
We find it difficult to change our views, that’s why first impression matters a lot. Even when things have changed, we don’t just change our views to change with them.
As an adult, I am still awkwardly surprised, when I meet people from my past who use to view as being tall, suddenly we cross paths on the road, and they are now shorter than I am. Mentally, I still feel shorter than they are, though physically, it is not true.
Same with whenever I am in a circle of friends, everyone expects the same guy to be funny as he was ten years ago, the same guy to have the answer to every question, the same guy to go on an ego trip, the same guy to be the fine boy and the same guy to be the ladies’ man.
To your friends, you never change. You are either tall or short, wise or foolish, dark or fair, gentle or hyper. Despite your efforts to change yourself, your closest friends will seem like the last to notice.
That is why if you are working to change yourself, it is sometimes best to change those around you. Even if temporarily. Also, if someone confides in you that they are working on themselves, you have to support them as much as you can.
Like the saying credited to Williams Shakespeare that “there is nothing good or bad, but thinking makes it so”. Maybe we can safely add that there is no one tall or short, it is our own height that makes them so.

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The level of ridiculousness I have witnessed in Nigeria, in terms of usage of tax payers money is quite baffling. When idealists and social commentators talk, they tell us that the highest office in a democracy is the office of the citizen. Interestingly, the citizen doubles as the tax payer. This is why I am left wondering why Nigerians never bother about what tax payers money is used for. Occasionally, while driving through Lagos, you’ll see a construction project going on, and you’ll find a signage that reads “tax payer’s money in action”. That is one of the few times Nigerians seem to see our collective money being spent. We forget that the government operates on our behalf and income tax is actually not the biggest tax source. VAT, corporate tax, excise duties, and other income sources for the government earn a lot more, and we should be interested in how these funds are subsequently disbursed. I have heard in the not-too-distant past, that for every one Naira the government spends, about sixty Kobo is misappropriated. (I.e. stolen, wasted, siphoned, misused, etc.) This will normally not move you until you realize that for every one million spent, six hundred thousand is wasted, and for every billion spent, six hundred million is wasted. That should be ringing alarm bells already. Considering how public office holders earn a lot higher than the average citizen, in terms of salary and allowances, these elected officials then go on to employ an unnecessary army of advisers, special advisers, senior special advisers and aides. Thereby raising the wage burden of the nation, not only in employing these people, but subsequently in disengaging them. Tax payer’s money is still used in paying actual soldiers and other armed forces units, many of whom will not hesitate in manhandling and mistreating “bloody” civilians. The worst case of tax payers money in action I ever witnessed was funny enough just under a signage that said “tax payers money in action”. A team of fully kitted army unit had packed its vehicle and was controlling traffic. This was happening in a highbrow area of Lagos, that is never known for any type of violence. We’ve got legitimate security challenges in different parts of the country, yet soldiers are stationed to control traffic. That is just as bad as the wastage we see in our budgeting process every year. It is time Nigerians begin to look around us for other waste of our collective resources, then hold the government accountable, and insist they do better. The current government has done a great job of expanding the tax net, they’ve kept telling us they intend to expand it even further. Yet, they keep borrowing for projects which the citizens are yet to be impacted by. Cutting wastage of public resources will ensure optimal use of tax payer’s money. Nigerians need to see the commitment on the side of government to prevent misappropriation and theft, since they won’t voluntarily do it, we need to demand it of them. To whom much is given, much is expected. To whom much tax is given, much more projects are expected.

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