That Grief Relief Podcast

Last year, James was told he had approximately 18 months left to live due to, the absolute b*tch that is, cancer.  So what did he decide to do?  He held his own funeral and #fakewake… an event he simply did not want to miss out on!

In one of the most incredible, and weirdly funny, episodes I’ve recorded, James talks me through the emotions he felt when he was told he was going to die, he tells me what we need in the event of a zombie apocalypse and we briefly develop a new reality game show, Cancer Factor, that we don’t think will ever be given the green light!

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Jody, aka the 'Beyonce' of childless women, was just brilliant from the very start.  As always, I knew nothing of her story, her journey or her disenfranchised grief, but she kindly shared all.  Including why she's childless as opposed to child-free and her mission to helps other by creating Gateway Women.

Oh if you were born after say 1990 and/or are not from the UK, I would recommend Googling "Lawrence Llewelyn-Bowen" ahead of time!

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When he was 19, Joe lost his Mum after an 11 year battle with cancer.  He was a bit lost and confused, so googled how to cope with the loss of a parent.  Discovering that there wasn’t a huge amount available for young people, Joe decided to start his own podcast, giving young people a place to talk and share their stories.

As much as I love Joe for the good things he’s doing for young people in the grief community, I do question his life choices as I discover during this episode that he legitimately likes ‘Parma Violet’ sweets… shocking!  We also covered our lack of London geography knowledge, Tom Cruise and the perfect #QOTD.

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Emma & I ‘met’ on Instagram and I was instantly drawn to how open she was with her story (and how wonderfully aesthetic her Instagram account is, not jealous at all!)

Emma was just 15 when her mum died suddenly and far too soon; she was just 42 years old.  Emma, with a very level head on her relatively young shoulders, decided she was going to be strong for the whole family.  This was all going swimmingly until she went to uni and things came crashing down.  Emma took her coping mechanism from drinking to journaling to blogging to starting a podcast and she can now say that she’s actually fine instead of just pretending to be fine!

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I was connected with Nadim on LinkedIn (how professional are we?!) as he writes a lot about his grief journey after suffering big losses as a young adult.  We covered plenty of topics; TikTok, moving countries, FRIENDS, 'adulting', therapy, Les Mills, blogging, Costa vs Starbucks, oh and of course dead parents!

Nadim was so easy to talk to, so much so that a couple times in this episode the podcast-er became the podcast-ee and he was the one asking all the questions!  Another great episode (even if I do say so myself!), but of course that’s all down to my guests being so brill!

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Jas has been a supportive listener of the podcast since day one which is incredible to hear as I started the podcast in October and he lost his father just four months prior.  Jas wanted to share his story as he is a huge advocate of talking, talking, talking to make things a little bit better.

Sharing how he has dealt with (and is still dealing with) his grief, Jas admits that humour plays a huge part and although culturally that doesn’t always land well, he believes it should be whatever helps you… and only you, because you’re the only one that can get you through this! And I couldn’t agree more!

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It’s episodes like this that make me realise just how much I love doing this podcast.  Sam & I met about ten minutes before hitting record and listening to him talk about his wonderful Dad, Stan, brought back so many incredible memories of my own Dad.  I did have to question whether we were related or not at one point!  The similarities didn’t end there sadly, Stan also passed away after a short battle with a brain tumor, but his legacy lives on, and not just in a Christmas Day sea swim!

Although Sam explains that he keeps his emotions locked tightly away in a box, he spoke so openly with me about how he dealt with his grief.  He also brought cake… and if I’m honest I’m not sure which one I’m more grateful for!

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Ben doesn’t like to blow his own trumpet (and that is a direct quote), but I would very much consider him an expert in this field and was incredibly insightful in this episode answering your questions and more.  He has six years’ experience working alongside U.K. mental health charities, such as Samaritans and MIND, to improve the wellbeing of staff and customers for business such as Barclays, Barclaycard, and Sainsbury’s Argos in the U.K., and now he’s utilising that experience in the U.A.E.

Mental health and wellbeing are of personal importance to him, so much so that he has an NCFE Level 2 qualification in Mental Health Awareness and is an instructor of i-act Promoting Positive Mental Health and Wellbeing in the Workplace.

Apologies for my terribly generic ‘Northern’ accents and the fact I questioned the Teletubbies existence.

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I don’t even know where to start with this episode.  Tony has, quote, ‘suffered every kind of loss you can imagine’.  This took him to some dark places; he shares in detail the day he drove into the desert to take his own life.  Some people say they are blessed, but Tony truly believes this even after everything he has been through and knew he wanted to pay this forward and therefore created Memories of Us, a non-profit support group for men experiencing grief.

You will hear from the very first second that, although we spoke about some tragic times, we also had such a wonderfully funny, open and heartfelt conversation.  It’s also no surprise that I, yet again, started talking about food which led Tony to compare himself to a dry rub and me to mac & cheese. Don’t ask, just enjoy!

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I’ve known Leslie for many years, but neither of us knew we were both grieving the loss of our parents at the same time back in 2010.  Which just goes to show that you never know what’s going on in people’s lives.

Leslie has been a huge supporter of the podcast since the first episode, then one day she says to me “I think I want to share my story”... and what a story it is!  Listening for the first time, I felt like I was listening to a true crime podcast, there were so many twists and turns.  There was also a lot of love; love Leslie obviously has for her parents, love that she has for her children & husband and love that she has for living life to the max, even though it’s dealt her a few bad hands.

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Chris and his partner suffered a miscarriage in February of this year.  He was looking for answers, for help and support without going down the therapy route, but couldn’t find anything dedicated to men that he felt was right for him.  A few short weeks later, Chris created miscarriageformen.com with the aim of helping “that one person that might need it”.

Being, quote “just a lad from the North East of England”, Chris was brought up with the same mindset as most; boys don’t cry and they certainly do not need help.  They are strong and tough and can deal with anything.  On his mission to making Miscarriage for Men a 24/7 support network, Chris is also trying to remove the stigma of men asking for help.

P.S. For those that know me, you will be very proud to know that Chris & I spoke for over an hour and I didn’t attempt to copy his accent once!  We did, however, discuss whether it’s breakfast-lunch-dinner or breakfast-dinner-tea! #northvssouth

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Athul’s father passed away four years ago meaning that, in his culture, as the eldest son, he effectively became the head of the family.  Whilst this was considered ‘the norm’, the whole situation affected Athul, who still feels he hasn’t been able to fully grieve his loss, even though he made some pretty big decisions to try and help the process.

Once again, without losing the sentiment of the story, we had a lot of fun recording this episode because it’s been a long time since we ‘hung out’ properly.  Athul (aka A2L) is my former ‘work husband’; we used to host weekend shows on sister radio stations in Dubai.  Athul then went on to present the drive time show on Virgin Radio Oman and I started a podcast about my dead parents… funny how things work out isn’t it?

Jokes aside, I can’t thank Athul enough for his honesty and openness surrounding what is culturally considered a pretty unspoken subject.

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This episode we explore grief surrounding the ‘death’ of a relationship.  I’m joined by Alex Grant who openly shares how she dealt with her nine year relationship ending; how it almost broke her and how ‘moving her body’, a Buddhist retreat and Las Vegas got her through, and not in the way you might expect!

We also touch on another aspect of disenfranchised grief following her retirement from competitive gymnastics after nearly 20 years in the sport! Oh and Alex may or may not be best friends with Celine Dion!

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Diana and I began talking on Instagram a few weeks back, as I was so in awe of her honesty talking about not only ambiguous grief, but anticipatory grief.  Diana’s mother was diagnosed with a rare form of dementia, known as frontotemporal dementia in 2016.  We delve into how you try to process your grief while accepting and loving the changes that happen with your loved ones.

As we were wrapping up recording this episode Diana said “Who knew that talking about grief would include so many giggles?”... it’s true! We giggled, we teared up and (as is becoming a common theme) we talked about food!

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This episode blew me away! I’m joined by Candy Fanucci, founder of Pirates Surf Rescue, a Dubai-based water-sports programme for kids.  Candy has suffered loss… a LOT of loss, yet listening to her story I found myself smiling and inspired.  Her energy, attitude and outlook on life is not only admirable, but infectious.

Candy shares that after her losses, she could have travelled down a very dark path, but instead decided to use her life experiences to help others. Pirate Surf Rescue was born.  She also tried to convince me to join the ‘5am Club’ and there were chickens!  I truly hope you enjoy listening to this episode as much as I enjoyed recording it.

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I’ve known Lara indirectly for a few years, she reached out to me to talk about her blog.  During that conversation I realised that Lara was grieving, she was grieving her own life; her life before Fibromyalgia.  According to WebMD, Fibromyalgia “can feel similar to osteoarthritis, bursitis and tendinitis. But rather than hurting in a specific area, the pain and stiffness could be throughout your body… simply put, you ache all over”.  I asked Lara if she would be willing to share her story; she kindly said yes and I found out that she not only grieves her youth being taken from her, but also her future.

After being mis-diagnosed for three years, Lara has now learnt to live with ‘Fibro’, but wished she had more support and knowledge in those early days.  In her words, COVID-19 gave Lara the gift of time and she has spent hundreds of hours researching the condition, going on to start a blog & vlog to help raise awareness for others.

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This episode I was joined by Aisling Prendergast, MSc (UK) MBACP (reg.) Psychologist and Lead Program Co-ordinator for Raymee Grief Centre at The Lighthouse, a community mental health and wellness clinic, located in Dubai, providing quality psychological and psychiatric care to children, adults, couples and families.

Not only does Aisling talk through her interpretation of the grief process and different types of grief, she also gives insight into her own grief and therapy journey.  We also learn that therapists don’t take things personally (basically if you don’t like them, tell them and they will find someone you hopefully will!) and, that even as an Irish woman, Aisling doesn’t recommend alcohol as any kind of solution surrounding grief. Oh, and I say “By jove!” at some point, so listen out for that too!

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In this episode I chatted with Ewan about his cousin, Sarah. Sarah took her own life just six weeks ago.  With the blessing of her father, Ewan wanted to tell her story in the hope that it could help at least one person.

We also touched on Ewan’s own personal struggles, including divorce and career failures, which pushed him to find his own voice and begin talking; something he feels very passionately about.

If you or anyone you know may be affected by anything we speak about in this episode, please reach out and we will connect you to people that can help.

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This is the first guest I’ve had that I literally do not know and have never met… which is strange in many ways as it turns out that we are related!  You’ll get to hear all about that in due course.

Richard reached out to me on social media to say he’d been enjoying the podcast and that he was so surprised at how open everyone had been, as he is from (in his words) the ‘stiff upper lip’ generation.  We then got chatting and it turns out he experienced great losses at an early age with both his brother and father dying before he was 24 and his mother a little later in life.

I asked that, if he would ever consider telling his story, which could in turn encourage others to tell theirs, to let me know.  After a while, Richard came back with the perfect reply…
“Actually Katie you're making a very strong point, letting others know that life goes on; the sun does come up etc etc could help that one person cope more”

Thank you Richard.

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Dominique’s Mum didn’t pass away, yet there was still loss to deal with after she left the family to start a new life.

Dominique talks about how she grieved this loss and how, with the help of her husband acting as ‘UN Peacekeeper”, she is working on rebuilding her relationship with her Mum for the sake of her young children.

Unsurprisingly, we also talk cats, me making people feel awkward about death and the time I called Dominique “Dom” in front of a client (never again!).

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Another brother returns! Having already talked about Dad’s death in Episode 2, in this episode Russell talks about losing Mum just two years prior.  He speaks openly about how not dealing with that grief, and combined with other major life events in the following years, ultimately had a huge impact on him. We also discuss the dynamics of growing up in a divorced family, becoming stand up comedians and whether or not anyone has ever made a complaint about a funeral director!

Also, all the noises you hear in the background are the cat and dog having a standoff.  Ignore them if you can!

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Back by popular demand, genuinely!  In episode 1, my (half) brother Oliver spoke about the night our Mum died (Spoiler Alert!).  In this episode, he talks about his Dad passing away not long afterwards; how he experienced grief in a very different way and how he only managed to get closure on some issues in their relationship in a very one-sided conversation in the funeral home.

Unfortunately, due to my apparent inability to clear space on my phone, there is no YouTube episode. Sorry about that!

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Kathryn reached out to tell her story after being inspired by Louise from Episode 6.  When we finished recording she said “I’m sorry, I didn’t really have much of a story”.  I disagree.

If you have lost someone, you have a story, and you should tell it.  As, like Louise did for Kathryn, you could inspire someone else to tell theirs.

I feel like I write this sentence way too often, but Kathryn lost her Dad after a short battle with cancer in November 2018.  It hit her, her Mum (who was married to her Dad for over 50 years) and her five siblings hard, as expected.  Yet, Kathryn talks about how she didn’t know how she was supposed to grieve, and maybe still doesn’t.  She also mentioned that her Mum is a very private person, so she may be grounded after this episode comes out ;)

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Louise Jacobson lost her Mum after a 13 year battle with cancer in 2018 and even though the pain is still so raw, Louise talks about how she tried to ‘keep calm and carry on’, heading straight back into work following her Mum’s passing.  Some months later, Louise recognised the ‘grief fog’ closing in; she needed help, and wasn’t afraid to ask for it.  After hearing Louise’s story I hope, like me, you will #BeMoreMarjory!

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This episode I'm joined by Nicole Majdalany as we explore other things you can grieve, that aren't related to death. Whilst Nicole lost a number of people close to her in a very short space of time, she also grieved something perhaps unusual to most people.  Speaking openly about how she grieved very differently as a reaction to each trauma, Nicole tells us how her pets keep her sane and how she stepped out of her comfort zone to relieve her grief.

Oh, and we also had a couple of uninvited interruptions that kept us laughing!

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