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From One Caregiver to Another

From One Caregiver to Another

By Kay Coughlin
As people who have family caregiver responsibilities, we can easily feel trapped by the traditional expectations of being so-called good caregivers. And we forget that we are allowed to have boundaries, we can tell people what's OK and what's not OK with us, and we can dare to live our own lives. In “From One Caregiver to Another,” your host Kay Coughlin will talk straight to caregivers, but this is NOT about being a better caregiver - this podcast is about being you, a whole person, who just happens to have caregiver responsibilities. More information: FacilitatorOnFire.net/LearnMore
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Listen to Chapter One from "From One Caregiver to Another - Overcoming Your Emotional Grind"

From One Caregiver to Another

Listen to Chapter One from "From One Caregiver to Another - Overcoming Your Emotional Grind"

From One Caregiver to Another

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58. Breaking the cycle of loneliness
In this episode, Kay Coughlin talks about how to break the cycle of loneliness and isolation. Because Kay is seeing that loneliness is slowly breaking way too many of us. As always, if you prefer to read, the full transcript is available on the show page here: https://facilitatoronfire.net/episode58. Find the free boundaries community here: https://fromonecaregivertoanother.mn.co/ Other episodes mentioned: 32 and 38. Get more information on everything here: https://facilitatoronfire.net/learnmore/ Follow Kay on Instagram here: https://www.instagram.com/facilitatoronfire/ and on LinkedIn here: http://www.linkedin.com/in/jkcoughlin
20:47
November 17, 2021
57. Should you become a family caregiver?
Should you become a family caregiver? That’s what Kay Coughlin discusses in this episode. Kay gives the ten questions that she asked herself before she decided to become a caregiver. Whether you are a caregiver already or not, these questions can help you get un-stuck, and get the help you need immediately. Get the ten questions and join the free boundaries community here: https://facilitatoronfire.net/boundaries/ Read the full transcript here: https://facilitatoronfire.net/episode57/ Get more information about all of this work here: https://facilitatoronfire.net/learnmore/
26:00
November 10, 2021
56. Real self-care actions
In this episode, Kay Coughlin talks about what real self-care looks like and discusses 10 true self-care actions. These will work for all humans. Whether you like bubble baths or not.  Join free Boundaries community here: https://facilitatoronfire.net/boundaries/ Full transcript of episode can be read here: https://facilitatoronfire.net/episode56 Find the "between stimulus and response" graphic and follow Kay on Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/facilitatoronfire/ Learn more about all of the work here: https://facilitatoronfire.net/LearnMore
23:02
November 3, 2021
55. Toxic positivity vs. forced positivity
The term "toxic positivity" has been heard more often in pop culture lately. But what if positivity can't be toxic? What if the problem is forced positivity - and even forced gratitude? Kay Coughlin explores why this idea can actually make positivity hurtful, and how to break the cycle of forced positivity. Find the boundaries community (free) here: https://fromonecaregivertoanother.mn.co/ Books mentioned in the episode: "The Gratitude Factor" by Charles Shelton. "Emotional Agility" by Susan David. More information here: https://facilitatoronfire.net/learnmore/ Read full transcript here: https://facilitatoronfire.net/episode55/
22:25
October 27, 2021
54. One year later
In this episode, Kay Coughlin talks about the year that has gone by since she wrote “From One Caregiver to Another - Overcoming Your Emotional Grind.” If you are suffering at all from the way guilt controls your life, or if you feel like you don't have any choice about what your life looks like as a person who has caregiver responsibilities, you will definitely want to listen to this!  Read the full transcript here: http://facilitatoronfire.net/episode54 Get the book here: https://facilitatoronfire.net/books/ Listen to chapter one here: https://facilitatoronfire.net/learnmore/ Join the free community to talk about boundaries here: https://fromonecaregivertoanother.mn.co/
14:50
October 20, 2021
Six: Busting the Myths of Boundaries
This is the audio recording of message six in Kay Coughlin's 6-email "Stop the Overwhelm - Set Boundaries" series. In this message, Kay talks about why the idea of boundaries can strike so much fear in our hearts, and she busts some of the most common myths about boundaries. The other episodes of the podcast Kay references in this message are 40, 49 and 50. To leave a comment or read the messages, go here: http://facilitatoronfire.net/stopoverwhelm/ Register for "Boundaries & Holidays" workshop here: https://facilitatoronfire.net/bh21/ To sign up to receive encouraging message about overwhelm and boundaries, go here: http://facilitatoronfire.net/stopoverwhelm/ To join Kay's free, private community on boundaries, go here: http://facilitatoronfire.net/learnmore
10:01
October 14, 2021
Five: Set boundaries to stop the overwhelm
This is audio version of message five in Kay Coughlin's 6-email "Stop the Overwhelm - Set Boundaries" series. This message is about learning to recognize when you might need to set a boundary to reduce your overwhelm. To leave a comment of read the messages, go here: http://facilitatoronfire.net/stopoverwhelm/ Register for "Boundaries & Holidays" workshop here: http://facilitatoronfire.net/bh21 To sign up to receive encouraging messages about overwhelm and boundaries, or to send an email to Kay, go here: http://facilitatoronfire.net/stopoverwhelm/
08:50
October 13, 2021
53. Breaking up with drama
If you’ve ever had to live or work with somebody who is constantly stirring up drama, you know how exhausting it can be. How do you manage to stop the drama so it doesn’t control you? That’s what this podcast episode is all about. Register for the “Boundaries & Holidays” workshop here. https://fromonecaregivertoanother.mn.co/landing/plans/161323 Get Kay Coughlin’s book, “From One Caregiver to Another - Overcoming the Emotional Grind” here. http://facilitatoronfire.net/books/ Join the free community to talk about boundaries here. https://fromonecaregivertoanother.mn.co/ Learn more about everything mentioned in this episode here. http://facilitatoronfire.net/learnmore/
23:16
October 13, 2021
Four: Decide what to do instead of feeding the overwhelm
This is the audio version of message four in Kay Coughlin's 6-email "Stop the Overwhelm - Set Boundaries" series. This message is about deciding what you want to do instead of continuing to feed your overwhelm. To leave a comment or read the message series, sign up to receive encouraging messages about boundaries and overwhelm, or to email Kay, go here (http://facilitatoronfire.net/stopoverwhelm/). Register for "Boundaries & Holidays" workshop here (https://facilitatoronfire.net/bh21/).
07:19
October 12, 2021
Three: Get curious to stop the overwhelm
This is the audio version of message three in Kay Coughlin's 6-email "Stop the Overwhelm - Set Boundaries" series. This message is about skill #2, which is to get curious. To leave a comment or read the message series, sign up to receive encouraging messages about boundaries and overwhelm, or to email Kay, go here (http://facilitatoronfire.net/stopoverwhelm). Register for "Boundaries & Holidays" workshop here (https://facilitatoronfire.net/bh21/)
08:41
October 11, 2021
Two: Choose one thing - stop the overwhelm
This is the audio version of message two in Kay Coughlin's 6-email "Stop the Overwhelm - Set Boundaries" series. This message is about skill #1, which is to choose just one thing to focus on. To leave a comment or read the message series, sign up to receive encouraging messages about boundaries and overwhelm, or to email Kay, go here (http://facilitatoronfire.net/stopoverwhelm). Register for "Boundaries & Holidays" workshop here (https://facilitatoronfire.net/bh21/)
11:59
October 9, 2021
One: Stop the Overwhelm, Set Boundaries
This is the audio version of message one in Kay Coughlin's 6-email "Stop the Overwhelm - Set Boundaries" series. To leave a comment or read the message series, sign up to receive encouraging messages about boundaries and overwhelm, or to email Kay, go here (http://facilitatoronfire.net/stopoverwhelm).
08:41
October 8, 2021
52. Overfunctioning
In this episode, Kay Coughlin confesses to being an overfunctioner, and explains what overfunctioning is and when it might be a problem for caregivers. Importantly, when a caregiver overfunctions for a care receiver, it might be keeping both people in that relationship from improving their own health and well-being. Full transcript available here (https://facilitatoronfire.net/episode52/) Register for "Boundaries & Holidays" workshop here (https://facilitatoronfire.net/bh21/) Join the FREE community to talk about boundaries here (http://facilitatoronfire.net/learnmore/)
20:31
October 6, 2021
Bonus: Holidays and boundaries - workshop!
Kay Coughlin's "Boundaries and Holidays" workshop starts Tuesday, October 19! How do you know this 4-week online workshop might be right for you? If you are struggling with feelings of dread or resentment about any upcoming traditions (like Thanskgiving) or celebrations (like an invitation to a destination wedding), or if you feel forced to participate in family events, this workshop will help you get the skills you need to say "no" to what you don't want. So you can say "yes" to what you'd rather do instead! More information and registration information is at FacilitatorOnFire.net/LearnMore.
07:55
October 4, 2021
51. Being a sandwich family caregiver
If you are raising kids and caring for an adult at the same time, you’re what’s known as a “sandwich family caregiver.” In this episode, Kay Coughlin talks about her personal experience being a sandwich family caregiver. She describes the range of life experiences (like having to deal with piles of unsolicited advice) that are common to sandwich family caregivers and that make this group unique. Full transcript of episode here: https://facilitatoronfire.net/episode51/ Register for "Boundaries & Holidays" workshop here: https://facilitatoronfire.net/learnmore/ Join the FREE community to talk about boundaries here: https://facilitatoronfire.net/learnmore/ "Already Toast" by Kate Washington: https://www.kawashington.com/already-toast.html
21:33
September 29, 2021
50. Boundaries and guilt, part two
50. In this episode, Kay Coughlin gets right to heart of one of the most important reasons we don’t like to set boundaries: guilt. Is it possible to stop the cycle of guilt so that it doesn’t control your life and hold you back any more? Yes, it is. Also listen to part one on boundaries and guilt (episode 49) to learn about the critical difference between guilt and shame, and to learn why it actually IS polite to tell people about your boundaries. Register for "Boundaries & Holidays" workshop here: FacilitatorOnFire.net/LearnMore Join the free community to talk about boundaries here: FacilitatorOnFire.net/LearnMore Follow Kay on Instagram here: Instagram.com/FacilitatorOnFire Transcript of this episode: FacilitatorOnFire.net/episode50
13:17
September 22, 2021
49. Boundaries and Guilt, part one
In this episode, Kay Coughlin starts to tackle the tough and sensitive topic of why we feel so guilty when we set boundaries. Listen to this episode (49) to learn about the critical difference between guilt and shame, and to learn why we have a misconception that telling people about our boundaries is not polite. In the next episode (50) Kay will talk directly about how to handle the guilt that is so common and normal when we set and hold boundaries.  Link to full transcript. https://facilitatoronfire.net/episode49/ Register for "Boundaries & Holidays" workshop here.  http://facilitatoronfire.net/learnmore/ Join free community to talk about boundaries here.  http://facilitatoronfire.net/learnmore/ Follow Kay on Instagram here. https://www.instagram.com/facilitatoronfire/
17:43
September 15, 2021
Bonus: Join the free online community to talk about boundaries
People with all kinds of caregiver responsibilities are invited to join the new free community to talk about boundaries! Why do personal boundaries matter? Well, when you can learn how to tell people what's OK and what's not OK with you, you will have a real chance to live a life that makes you happy. And yes, everyone has a right to have their own boundaries. Even YOU. The link to join is at FacilitatorOnFire.net/LearnMore.
04:09
September 13, 2021
48. The post-caregiver stage
In this episode, Kay Coughlin talks about some of the most common experiences of being a post-caregiver. What is a post-caregiver exactly? It’s the last of the four stages of being a caregiver. This is the stage that you enter when your family caregiver duties end, whether it’s by choice or because the person you were caring for gets better or passes away. Full transcript of episode is here (FacilitatorOnFire.net/episode48/). Find out about the upcoming workshop on boundaries and the holidays, or get a link to the From One Caregiver to Another community, here (FacilitatorOnFire.net/LearnMore). Here's the link to the podcast episode of Brene Brown's "Unlocking Us" featuring David Kessler. If you want almost-daily doses of straight talk for family caregivers and sandwich family caregivers who want to set boundaries, follow Kay on Instagram here (Instagram.com/facilitatoronfire/).
19:26
September 8, 2021
47. Long-term stage of caregiver responsibilities
In this episode, Kay Coughlin talks about what it’s really like to be in the long-term stage of caregiver responsibilities. If you’ve been taking care of someone for any length of time and especially if you are feeling exhausted or burned out, this will be a great episode for you, because Kay gives a list of seven specific action steps you can take right now to improve your own life. Full transcript of episode is here (FacilitatorOnFire.net/episode47). Find out about the upcoming workshop on boundaries and the holidays, or get a link to the From One Caregiver to Another community, here (FacilitatorOnFire.net/LearnMore). For almost-daily doses of straight talk for family caregivers and sandwich family caregivers who want to set boundaries, follow Kay on Instagram here.
20:13
September 1, 2021
46. Short-term or acute stage of being a caregiver
If you have ever been a caregiver in a short-term or acute situation - and certainly if that’s your situation right now - this episode is for you. While it’s typical to think mostly about the needs of the care receiver in an acute situation, you as the caregiver are in it too, whether or not other people are keeping you top of mind. In this episode, I talk about why this stage of being a caregiver can be so exhausting physically and mentally, and why it’s critical to learn to accept help from people right away. This episode is number two of four in my mini-series on the four stages of being a person with caregiver responsibilities. Full transcript is here (FacilitatorOnFire.net/episode46). Find out about the upcoming workshop on boundaries and the holidays or get a link to the From One Caregiver to Another facebook group here (FacilitatorOnFire.net/LearnMore). For almost-daily doses of straight talk for family caregivers and sandwich family caregivers who want to set boundaries, follow Kay on Instagram here.
14:12
August 25, 2021
45. What it's like to be in the early stage of caregiver responsibilities
In this episode, Kay Coughlin talks about what it’s like to be an early-stage caregiver, including her own experiences with her family. Kay has identified four stages of caregiver responsibilities - early-stage, short-term or acute, long-term or more stable and post-caregiver - and has recorded an episode about the caregiver experience in each stage. Over the next four weeks, you can listen to whichever episodes in the mini-series are most useful to you. And you can also help a friend who needs help understanding what they are going through by recommending the episode that could be most useful for them. Full transcript is here (FacilitatorOnFire.net/episode45). Find out about the upcoming workshop on boundaries and holidays or to get a link to the From One Caregiver to Another facebook group, go here (FacilitatorOnFire.net/LearnMore). For almost-daily doses of straight talk for family caregivers and sandwich family caregivers who want to set boundaries, follow Kay on Instagram.
17:13
August 18, 2021
44. My 10 extra pounds and Human Giver Syndrome
In this episode, Kay Coughlin gets real about the 10 extra pounds she’s put on lately and how her thoughts about her weight are all tied up with the Human Giver Syndrome culture. Why does it matter so much that we are expected to appear a certain way to make other people comfortable and to help them accept us? That's Human Giver Syndrome - and it doesn't have to be that way. Read the full transcript of the show (FacilitatorOnFire.net/episode44). For more information about Kay's next webinar or workshop on boundaries and Human Giver Syndrome, or to find the new "From One Caregiver to Another" facebook group, go to FacilitatorOnFire.net/LearnMore. For almost-daily doses of straight talk for family caregivers and sandwich family caregivers, follow Kay on Instagram (https://www.instagram.com/facilitatoronfire/). 
16:37
August 11, 2021
43. The difference between boundaries and walls
In this episode, Kay Coughlin talks about the difference between emotional walls and boundaries, why it matters, and why you might need both at some point in your life and relationships. Read the full transcript of show at FacilitatorOnFire.net/episode43/. For more information about Kay’s next webinar on boundaries or Human Giver Syndrome, or to find the new “From One Caregiver to Another” Facebook group, go to FacilitatorOnFire.net/LearnMore. For daily doses of straight talk for family caregivers, follow Kay on Instagram (@FacilitatorOnFire).
16:35
August 4, 2021
42. How to stop pretending everything is OK
In this episode, Kay Coughlin talks about her lifetime of memories of pretending to be OK so that the people around her wouldn’t have to worry about her. And she talks about how to stop pretending and develop compassion for yourself - so that you can dare to live your own life instead. Link to full transcript of show here (FacilitatorOnFire.net/episode42). For more information about Kay’s webinars or coaching practice, or to download the free Thought Download Guide or learn more about Human Giver Syndrome, go to FacilitatorOnFire.net/LearnMore. For daily doses of straight talk for family caregivers, follow Kay on Instagram.
14:42
July 28, 2021
41. What it looks like to dare to live your own life
Daring to live your own life sounds great, right? But what exactly does that look like? In this episode, Kay Coughlin talks about what could be possible for you - even things like saying “no.” And once you believe in these possibilities, you can begin to really truly dare to live your own life. Even when you are a person with caregiver responsibilities. Read the full show transcript here: https://facilitatoronfire.net/episode41. Follow Kay on Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/facilitatoronfire/. Links to everything mentioned in this show can be found here: FacilitatorOnFire.net/LearnMore. Find out more about Human Giver Syndrome here: FacilitatorOnFire.net/HumanGiverSyndrome. Join the "From One Caregiver To Another" facebook group here: https://www.facebook.com/groups/fromonecaregivertoanother.
12:18
July 21, 2021
40. You can't hurt somebody else's feelings
Have you ever heard, “You can’t hurt somebody else’s feelings” and then did a double-take? Because there’s no way that could possibly be true, right? In this episode, Kay Coughlin explains why it really is true and how this knowledge can help you get free from worrying about hurting another person's feelings. Full transcript available here. To register for the next webinar on Human Giver Syndrome, or to download the guide, go to FacilitatorOnFire.net/LearnMore. Follow Kay on Instagram (@FacilitatorOnFire). Get more information about all of this work at FacilitatorOnFire.net/LearnMore.
27:35
June 2, 2021
39. How to dare to live your own life
When you’re a caregiver, it can be really hard to remember that you’ve got a life of your own, too. But how do you learn what you really want and figure out a way to dare to live it? Kay Coughlin knows it is possible for anyone to do because she uses a 3-step process in her own life and with her clients. It works, even for caregivers, and that’s what you’ll hear about in this episode. Full transcript available here. To register for the next webinar on Human Giver Syndrome, or to download the guide, go to FacilitatorOnFire.net/LearnMore. Follow Kay on Instagram (@FacilitatorOnFire). Get more information about all of this work at FacilitatorOnFire.net/LearnMore.
14:38
May 26, 2021
Trailer
"From One Caregiver to Another" is NOT a podcast about how to be a better family caregiver. It's about remembering that you have your own identity as a person: you are more than a caregiver, and you can dare to live your own life, too. After years of struggling to find the encouragement she needed to prioritize her own needs, Kay Coughlin created this podcast to help caregivers who can also relate to feeling ignored, judged or dismissed by their communities. Whether you are new to caregiving, in the middle of it (like Kay is now), or in your post-caregiving journey, you'll find something in this podcast for you. You can learn more about this work, including Kay's webinar on and guide to Human Giver Syndrome, at FacilitatorOnFire.net/LearnMore. Follow Kay on Instagram (@FacilitatorOnFire) for almost-daily doses of straight talk, hope and inspiration.
03:35
May 24, 2021
38. Emotional safety - what it is and why you need it
What the heck is emotional safety and why is it so important? In this episode, Kay Coughlin talks about it and how she creates it. One amazing benefit you can expect over time is that you will actually be able to practice it in your own everyday life. And that means you’ll be able to do things that are important to you, no matter how difficult they are. Full transcript can be found here. Download "7 Costly Habits of Human Giver Syndrome" guide or register for next Human Giver Syndrome webinar here. Follow Kay on Instagram (@FacilitatorOnFire). Get more information about all of this work at FacilitatorOnFire.net/LearnMore.
14:02
May 19, 2021
37. The difference between therapy and coaching
In honor of Mental Health Awareness Month, this episode is meant to help you understand the difference between therapy and coaching. Kay Coughlin talks about when the difference matters, and when should you ask for help. Full transcript of episode available here. Information about Kay's professional association, the International Coach Federation, is here. Download the "7 Costly Habits of Human Giver Syndrome" guide here and register for the next webinar on Human Giver Syndrome here. Follow Kay on Instagram (@facilitatoronfire). Get more information about all of this work at FacilitatorOnFire.net/LearnMore. 
12:22
May 12, 2021
36. Why it's so hard to change - your brain can be a real jerk sometimes
Our brains act like jerks about change! But why is that? Listen to this “explainer” episode to help those of us who aren’t neuroscientists understand what’s going on in our heads when we are faced with the idea of changing anything. And why we can get so exhausted when we do confront change. Full transcript of episode available here. Download Kay Coughlin's "7 Costly Habits of Human Giver Syndrome" guide here. Register for the next Human Giver Syndrome webinar here. Follow Kay on Instagram (@facilitatoronfire). Get more information about all of this work at FacilitatorOnFire.net/LearnMore.
14:38
May 5, 2021
35. The Human Giver System
In this episode, Kay Coughlin talks about what she calls the “Human Giver System,” which is the system that relies on countless unpaid human caregivers to sacrifice everything for the sake of the system itself. Kay talks about how her family’s wishes during her father’s last days of life went against a hospital’s Human Giver System, and how to notice the toxic glue that holds the System together. Full episode transcript can be found here. Register for the next “Human Giver Syndrome” webinar here. Follow Kay on Instagram. Get more information about all of this work at FacilitatorOnFire.net/LearnMore.
24:14
April 28, 2021
34. People can change at any age
In this episode, Kay Coughlin explores two truths about change and growth: that it can happen at any age, and that you only have control over the change and growth of one person, and that’s you. You can’t force anybody to change (including your care receiver), but you do have the power within you to change yourself. Even when you are a caregiver. Full episode transcript can be found here. Register for next “Human Giver Syndrome” webinar here. Follow Kay on Instagram (@FacilitatorOnFire). Get more information about all of this work at FacilitatorOnFire.net/LearnMore. Learn about the new research on brain function as we age here.
21:26
April 21, 2021
33. You are allowed to set boundaries
Whether you’re a beginner or a seasoned pro when it comes to boundaries, it’s easy to believe that boundaries are great in every situation...except maybe not when you are a parent or caregiver. Because when the lives of your care receivers are at stake, you’re going to have to meet everybody’s needs no matter what it costs you. Right? Well, not so fast. Listen to this episode to get an overview of boundaries and why they are so hard in family situations. You might be pleasantly surprised to get a perspective that puts parents and caregivers at the center of the issue, rather than treating us as just an afterthought. Full episode transcript can be found here. Register for next "Human Giver Syndrome" webinar here. Learn more about Facilitator On Fire at FacilitatorOnFire.net/LearnMore.
18:31
April 14, 2021
32. Why it's so hard to let people help
Why in the world is it so hard to let people help us? Rejecting help when people offer it is a habit that drains us of precious energy, time, sleep and so many other critical things. In this episode, Kay Coughlin reveals some common reasons we struggle with this, talks about how to heal from it so we can be mentally and physically healthy, and admits how difficult this work has been for her. Full transcript of this episode available here. Register for the next Human Giver Syndrome webinar here. Get the book, "From One Caregiver to Another - Overcoming Your Emotional Grind" here. Get more information on all of this work or connect with Kay at FacilitatorOnFire.net. The best place to get almost-daily doses of encouragement is by following Kay on Instagram (@FacilitatorOnFire). #HumanGiverSyndrome
21:47
April 7, 2021
31. Human Giver Syndrome
Human Giver Syndrome is the belief that some people (the givers) are supposed to exist mainly to put their energy into creating comfort and success for other people, and to be attractive and available, physically and emotionally, at all times while doing it. In this episode, Kay Coughlin talks about how this syndrome can afflict you as a family caregiver (including if you are a parent), whether or not you think of yourself as a people-pleaser. If you are intrigued by what you hear in this episode and you want to learn how to begin to recover from it, register for Kay's next webinar on Human Giver Sydrome here.  Learn more about all of this work at FacilitatorOnFire.net/LearnMore.  Kay's book can be found at FacilitatorOnFire.net/books.  Links mentioned in this episode: Kay's podcast producer is Chris Martin of chrismartinstudios.com. "Burnout: The Secret to Unlocking the Stress Cycle," by Emily and Amelia Nagoski. "Down Girl, The Logic of Mysogyny" by Kate Manne. Full transcript of this episode is available at http://facilitatoronfire.net/episode31/. Join Kay's free community to talk about boundaries and Human Giver Syndrome here https://fromonecaregivertoanother.mn.co/
22:03
March 31, 2021
30. How to Feel Better as a Caregiver
In this episode, Kay Coughlin talks about how to feel better as a family caregiver right away. It might surprise you, because it doesn’t require a lot of time or energy, and it doesn’t rely on making any changes to your life or your situation. You don’t even have to tell anybody that you are doing it. All you need is courage and a little bit of knowledge. It’s not easy to do, but it is a simple step you can take. That’s what this episode is all about. Full transcript of this episode is available at FacilitatorOnFire.net/episode30. You can find Kay’s book, “From One Caregiver to Another - Overcoming Your Emotional Grind,” at FacilitatorOnFire.net/books. The best place to stay in touch with Kay is on Instagram (@FaciliatorOnFire), where you will find near-daily doses of straight talk for caregivers who are tired of living with the traditional definition of being a “good” caregiver. For more information on all of this work, including registration for the next webinar on Human Giver Syndrome, go to FacilitatorOnFire.net.
22:06
March 24, 2021
29. It's OK to want to be seen for who you are
In this episode, Kay Coughlin talks about another radical idea: that it’s OK for caregivers to have identities and lives that don’t revolve around our role as caregivers. Kay explains that it’s normal and healthy to have individual needs and desires - and why it can be so hard to do that it seems laughable or even impossible. But it is possible to be seen for who we are, even if it’s not related at all to our caregiving responsibilities. Full transcript of this episode is available at FacilitatorOnFire.net/episode29. You can find Kay’s book, “From One Caregiver to Another - Overcoming Your Emotional Grind,” at FacilitatorOnFire.net/books. The best place to stay in touch with Kay is on Instagram (@FacilitatorOnFire), where you will find near-daily doses of straight talk for caregivers who are tired of being held back by the traditional definition of being a “good” caregiver. For more information on all of this work, including registration for the next webinar on Human Giver Syndrome, go to FacilitatorOnFire.net.
19:26
March 17, 2021
28. It's hard to decide where to start
In this episode, Kay Coughlin talks about why the overwhelming experience of being a caregiver can keep you stuck, unable to make changes to situations, relationships, beliefs and emotions. The good news is that you don’t have to change everything all at once. You can choose just one starting point. Kay reminds us we all have permission to be stuck - it’s a totally normal human condition - and helps caregivers figure out how to pick a starting point. Full transcript of this episode is available at FacilitatorOnFire.net/episode28. You can find Kay’s book, “From One Caregiver to Another - Overcoming Your Emotional Grind,” at FacilitatorOnFire.net/books. The best place to stay in touch with Kay is on Instagram (@FacilitatorOnFire), where you will find near-daily doses of straight talk for caregivers who are tired of being held back by the traditional definition of being a “good” caregiver. For more information on all of this work, including the date of the next webinar on Human Giver Syndrome, go to FacilitatorOnFire.net.
11:04
March 10, 2021
27. What if judgment had no power over you?
In this episode, Kay Coughlin talks about judgment in the life of a family caregiver. It is very painful to be judged by others, and even to handle the the judgment that comes from within yourself. But it is possible to live a life where judgment doesn’t hold you back any more - yes, even as a caregiver. The full transcript of this episode can be found at FacilitatorOnFire.net/episode27. Follow Kay on Instagram for near-daily doses of encouragement for folks who are tired of trying to be a “good” caregiver. If you are looking for Kay’s book, “From One Caregiver to Another - Overcoming the Emotional Grind,” go to FacilitatorOnFire.net/books. If you are interested in learning more about leadership and life coaching for family caregivers, or if you are looking for the next webinar on Human Giver Syndrome, go to FacilitatorOnFire.net/learnmore.
17:13
March 3, 2021
26. The story family caregivers are "supposed to" step into, even if they feel trapped by it
There are powerful stereotypes that family caregivers inherit when we agree to become caregivers. We don’t realize how strong they are until our lives become something we didn’t ask for. And then we wake up one day and don't recognize ourselves any more. In this episode, Kay Coughlin names some of the biggest caregiving stereotypes that she has identified. Why? Well, she wishes somebody would have given her this language when she was getting started as a caregiver. She could feel the stereotypes all around her and could feel the pressure to perform, but just couldn’t put a name on what was happening. Which meant she didn’t know to question the stereotypes either. Spoiler alert: none of these has to be true, no matter what the people around you say. Full transcript of this episode is available at FacilitatorOnFire.net/Episode26. The From One Caregiver to Another podcast isn’t about being a better caregiver. Plenty of resources are available for people who want that information. This podcast is about becoming the person you really want to be - a person who also happens to be a caregiver. Contact Kay by email (Kay @ FacilitatorOnFire.net) or find more information about the next webinar on "Human Giver Syndrome" at FacilitatorOnFire.net/LearnMore. To get almost-daily doses of straight talk for caregivers who want to get free of the stereotypes, follow Kay on Instagram (@FacilitatorOnFire).
19:30
February 24, 2021
Message 25 - You can write your own story. I believe in you.
In this last episode of the season, Kay Coughlin talks about her wish for all caregivers: that we would know and believe that we can write our own story. We don't have to accept the definition of being a "good" caregiver that somebody else chose for us. This season was created in January of 2021 to help family caregivers who feel trapped by the traditional definition of being a caregiver. If you would prefer to read the messages form this season, go to FacilitatorOnFire.net/January2021 and sign up to receive the emails any time. You can also connect with Kay there or on Instagram (@FacilitatorOnFire). Starting with the next episode, the podcast will be called "From One Caregiver to Another." If you are looking for Kay's book, "From One Caregiver to Another - Overcoming Your Emotional Grind," you can find it here.
06:39
January 30, 2021
Message 24 - Possibility Mindset: Persistence, Patience and Peace
In this episode, Kay Coughlin talks about what it looks like to have a possibility mindset and cultivate persistence, patience and peace. This season of short episodes was created in January of 2021 to help family caregivers who are tired of trying to fit into thte traditional definition of being a "good" caregiver. If you would prefer to read these messages, go to FacilitatorOnFire.net/January2021 and sign up to receive the emails any time. you can also connect with Kay there or on Instagram (@FacilitatorOnFire). If you are looking for Kay's book "From One Caregiver to Another - Overcoming Your Emotional Grind," you can find it here.
09:29
January 29, 2021
Message 23 - Self-care is selfish. What if that's OK?
In this episode, Kay Coughlin challenges the idea that it's wrong to be selfish and want self-care. Even caregivers are allowed to believe in having self-care. This season of short episodes was created in January of 2021 to help family caregivers who are tired of trying to fit into the traditional definition of being a "good" caregiver. If you would prefer to read these messages, go to FacilitatorOnFire.net/January2021 and sign up to receive the emails any time. You can also connect with Kay there or on Instagram (@FacilitatorOnFire). If you are looking for the "Thought Download Cheat Sheet" (especially to help you see what beliefs you have about self-care and selfishness), you can find it here.
06:24
January 28, 2021
Message 22 - What if you're not behind?
In this episode, Kay Coughlin challenges the conventional idea that we are "behind." What if that's just a thing we say, and what if it's in the way of seeing possibilities? This season of short episodes was created in January of 2021 to help family caregivers who are tired of trying to fit in the traditional defintion of being a "good" caregiver. If you would prefer to read these messages, go to FacilitatorOnFire.net/January2021 and sign up to receive the emails any time. You can also connect with Kay there or on Instagram (@FacilitatorOnFire). If you are looking for the free "Thought Download Cheat Sheet," you can find it here.
04:15
January 27, 2021
Message 21 - "You can't teach old dogs new tricks." Right? Wrong!
In this episode, Kay Coughlin talks about the harmful myth of believing you - or any human - is too old to learn and grow. This season of short episodes was created by Kay in January of 2021 to help family caregivers who are tired of trying to fit in the traditional definition of being a "good" caregivers. If you would prefer to read these messages, go to FacilitatorOnFire.net/January2021 and sign up to receive the emails any time. You can also connect with Kay there on or Instagram (@FacilitatorOnFire). If you are looking for the free "Thought Download Cheat Sheet" mentioned in this episode, you can find it here.
05:34
January 26, 2021
Message 20 - 15 Things to Say to Encourage Yourself
In this episode, Kay Coughlin gives a list of 15 very short and meaningful things you can say, any time you need encouragement. This season of short episodes was created by Kay in January of 2021 to help family caregivers who are tired of trying to fit into the traditional definition of being a "good" caregiver. If you would prefer to read these messages, go to FacilitatorOnFire.net/January2021 and sign up to receive the emails any time. You can also connect with Kay there or on Instagram (@FacilitatorOnFire). If you are looking for Kay's book "From One Caregiver to Another - Overcoming Your Emotional Grind," you can listen to chapter one here and buy the book here.
02:51
January 25, 2021
Message 19 - What if your so-called issues are really just your starting points?
In this eposide, Kay Coughlin takes some of the fear out of having "issues." All humans have them, and what if learning to notice them can be a powerful tool to help you live the life you really want to live? This season of short episodes was created by Kay in January of 2021 to help family caregivers who are tired of trying to fit into the traditional defintion of being a "good" caregiver. If you would prefer to read these messages, go to FacilitatorOnFire.net/January2021 and sign up to receive the emails any time. You can also connect with Kay there or on Instagram (@FacilitatorOnFire). If you are looking for the "Thought Download Cheat Sheet," you can find that here.
06:39
January 23, 2021
Listen to Chapter One from "From One Caregiver to Another - Overcoming Your Emotional Grind"
In this special episode, Kay Coughlin narrates chapter one of her book, "From One Caregiver to Another - Overcoming Your Emotional Grind." Kay has a passion for helping caregivers who want to set boundaries, get some rest, and dare to live their own life, too. You can connect with Kay at FacilitatorOnFire.net/LearnMore or on Instagram (@FacilitatorOnFire).  If you would like to purchase Kay's book, you can find it here: https://facilitatoronfire.net/books/ If you are looking for the "2020 Caregiving in the U.S." report cited in the chapter, click here.
13:23
January 22, 2021
Message 17 - What if there's more than one right choice?
In this episode,  Kay Coughlin goes on a little bit of rant about how believing there's only one right choice teaches us not to see possibilities. This series of short episodes is recordings of an email series Kay created in January 2021 to help family caregivers who are tired of trying to fit into the traditional definition of being a "good" caregiver. If you would prefer to read these messages, go to FacilitatorOnFire.net/January2021 and sign up to receive the emails there any time. You can also connect with Kay there or on Instagram (@FacilitatorOnFire). If you are looking for Kay's book "From One Caregiver to Another - Overcoming Your Emotional Grind," you can find it here.
06:42
January 21, 2021
Message 16 - How to have hope again
In this episode, Kay Coughlin talks about the truth of where hopelessness comes from, and how to turn it into hope. This series of short episodes is recordings of an email series Kay created in January 2021 to help family caregivers who are tired of trying to fit into the traditional definition of being a "good" caregiver. If you would prefer to read these messages, go to FacilitatorOnFire.net/January2021 and sign up to receive the emails any time. You can also connect with Kay there or on Instagram (@FacilitatorOnFire). If you are looking for Kay's book that was mentioned in the episode, "From One Caregiver to Another - Overcoming Your Emotional Grind," you can find it here.
04:25
January 20, 2021
Message 15 - It's OK to feel whatever you're feeling. Really.
In this episode, Kay Coughlin tells the truth about feelings: they are all OK to have and to feel. This series of short episodes is recordings of an email series Kay created in January 2021 to help family caregivers who have dreams that go beyond their caregiving responsibilities. If you would prefer to read these messages, go to FacilitatorOnFire.net/January2021 and sign up to receive the emails any time. You can also connect with Kay there or on Instagram (@FacilitatorOnFire). If you are looking for Kay's book that was mentioned in the episode, From One Caregiver to Another - Overcoming Your Emotional Grind, you can find it here.
04:03
January 19, 2021
Message 14 - Everybody thinks they know what you can and can't do. They are wrong.
In this episode, Kay Coughlin shares the second part of the story about recovering from her car accident. Her doctor tried to tell her that she was going to walk with a limp for the rest of her life, and Kay confused him by answering, "I don't do limitations." This series of short episodes is recordings of an email series Kay created in January 2021 to help family caregivers who have dreams that go beyond their caregiving responsibilities. If you would prefer to read these messages, go to FacilitatorOnFire.net/January2021 and sign up to receive the emails any time. You can also connect with Kay there or on Instagram (@FacilitatorOnFire). If you are looking for Kay's "Thought Download Cheat Sheet," you can find it here.
06:31
January 16, 2021
Message 13 - Don't Judge the Size of Your Dreams, Big or Small, They All Matter
In this episode, Kay Coughlin shares part of her story about how recovering from a car accident meant having "small" dreams. Judging the size of our dreams holds caregivers back from living a fulfilling life! This series of short episodes is recordings of an email series Kay created in January 2021 to help family caregivers who have dreams that go beyond their caregiving responsibilities. If you would prefer to read these messages, go to FacilitatorOnFire.net/January2021 and sign up to receive the emails any time. You can also connect with Kay there or on Instagram (@FacilitatorOnFire). If you are looking for Kay's "Thought Download Cheat Sheet," you can find it here.
07:08
January 15, 2021
Message 12 - Choose What You Feed With Your Energy
We all have to make choices about what we give our energy to every day. In this episode, Kay Coughlin talks about how these choices feed the rest of your life. This series of short episodes is recordings of an email series Kay created in January of 2021 to help family caregivers who have dreams that stretch beyond their caregiving responsibilities. If you would prefer to read these messages, go to FacilitatorOnFire.net/January2021 and sign up to receive the emails any time. You can also connect with Kay there or on Instagram (@FacilitatorOnFire). If you are looking for Kay's free "Thought Download Cheat Sheet," you can find it here.
04:55
January 14, 2021
Message 11 - "Don't take the help unless you really need it" is an idea that holds us back
In this episode, Kay Coughlin talks about the very common belief that tells us "Don't take the help unless you really need it" and how this belief keeps caregivers from living a fulfilling life. This series of short episodes is recordings of an email series Kay created in January of 2021 to help family caregivers. If you would prefer to read these messages, go to FacilitatorOnFire.net/January2021 and sign up to receive the emails any time. You can also connect with Kay there or on Instagram (@FacilitatorOnFire). If you are looking for Kay's free "Thought Download Cheat Sheet" for caregivers, you can find it here.
06:14
January 13, 2021
Message 10 - Living a "Balanced" Life is a Myth
The idea that we can live a balanced life - and that it's something we should strive for - is a pop culture darling. But it's a myth. In this episode, Kay Coughlin opens up about her own battle with balance, and how spending time working on balance keeps us from taking action toward our dreams. This series of short episodes is recordings of an email series Kay created for family caregivers in January of 2021. If you would prefer to read these messages, sign up to receive the series any time at FacilitatorOnFire.net/January2021. You can also connect with Kay there or on Instagram (@FacilitatorOnFire). If you are looking for Kay's free "Thought Download Cheat Sheet" for caregivers, you can find it here.
06:14
January 12, 2021
Message 9 - Jumping to Conclusions is Our Favorite Exercise, and It's Also Our Favorite Blocker of Possibilities
What's the big deal about jumping to conclusions? In this episode, Kay Coughlin uses a story about a farmer, her son, and their horse, to talk about why our brains like to jump to conclusions, and why that's not really very helpful. This series of short episodes is recordings of an email series Kay created for family caregivers in January of 2021. If you would prefer to read the text of these messages, sign up any time at FacilitatorOnFire.net/January2021. You can also connect with Kay there or on Instagram (@FacilitatorOnFire). If you are looking for Kay's free "Thought Download Cheat Sheet" for caregivers, you can find it here.
04:39
January 11, 2021
Message 8 - Guilt. Rinse. Repeat? Stop The Cycle!
One of the biggest issues for family caregivers is guilt. In this episode, Kay Coughlin talks about why you don't have to feel guilty for feeling guilt, and how you get to choose whether or not it controls you and your life. This series of short episodes is audio recordings of an email series Kay created for family caregivers during January of 2021. If you would prefer to read the text of these messages, you can sign up any time at FacilitatorOnFire.net/January2021. You can also connect with Kay there. In this episode, Kay refers to her free "Thought Download Cheat Sheet," to help you begin to notice what you are thinking WITHOUT judging yourself for it. You can find a link to it here.
04:36
January 9, 2021
Message 7 - Judgment is the Number One Blocker of Possibilities
It can be painful to take a good look at our lives because we have such a strong tendency to judge ourselves for what we find. Which makes judgment the number one possibility blocker of all. This series of short episodes is audio recordings of an email series Kay Coughlin created for family caregivers in January of 2021. If you would prefer to read the text of these messages, you can sign up any time at FacilitatorOnFire.net/January2021. You can also connect with Kay there. If you are looking for Kay's free "Thought Download Cheat Sheet" to help you begin to look at your life without judging yourself, you can find it here.
05:44
January 8, 2021
Message 6 - What to Unlearn So You Can See Possibilities
What are the things you need to unlearn before you can once again see possibilities? And where do you even start? In this episode, Kay Coughlin shares how to begin to notice your "possiblity blockers." This series of short episodes is audio recordings of an email series Kay created for family caregivers during January of 2021. If you would prefer to read the text of these messages, you can sign up any time at FacilitatorOnFire.net/January2021. You can also connect with Kay there. In this episode, Kay refers to her free "Thought Download Cheat Sheet" so help you begin to notice what you are thinking WITHOUT judging yourself for it. You can find a link to the Cheat Sheet here.
03:19
January 7, 2021
Message 5 - Fear is loud, but it's a liar
Fear isn't usually an encouraging emotion, so why are we talking about it in this series? Becuase if you choose to be encouraged and see possibilities, it's highly likely that's going to bring up some fear for you. In this episode, Kay gives you two encouraging thoughts to know about fear, and reassures us that fear is normal. This series of short episodes is actually recordings of an email series Kay created for family caregivers during January of 2021. If you would prefer to read the text of these messages, please sign up at FacilitatorOnFire.net/January2021. You can also connect with Kay there. If you'd like to read Kay's book, From One Caregiver to Another - Overcoming Your Emotional Grind, you'll find a link on the January Encouragement page.
04:28
January 6, 2021
Message 4 - Need Permission to See Possibilities? You Have It.
It's hard to see possibilities if you haven't given yourself permission to do it! In this message, Kay Coughlin talks about what she calls "possibility blindness" and how you can begin to get through it. This series of short episodes is actually recordings of an email series Kay created for caregivers during January of 2021. If you would prefer to read the text of these messages, please sign up at FacilitatorOnFire.net/January2021. You can also connect with Kay there. If you are suffering from depression and/or anxiety, they don't have to stop you from seeing possibilities; to learn more about that, check out Kay's book, From One Caregiver to Another - Overcoming Your Emotional Grind.
04:33
January 5, 2021
Message 3 - Super Easy Tip to See Possibilities
It can be hard to remember that you can see possibilities, especially if you are a caregiver. In this message, Kay Coughlin tells you about one very quick way to remind yourself. And this isn't about being a better caregiver - you are already doing a good job with that! This is about YOU and seeing possibilities so you can be who you want to be in every area of your life. This series of short episodes is actually recordings of an email series Kay is creating for family caregivers during January, 2021. If you would prefer to read these messages, please sign up at FacilitatorOnFire.net/January2021. You can also connect with Kay there.
04:25
January 4, 2021
Message 2 - When Positivity Feels Too Far Away, Try Seeing Possibilities
The research on positivity and gratitude is real and it works. But what do you do when it feels forced to you? In this message, Kay Coughlin talks about the power of seeing possibilities instead. This series of short episodes is actually recordings of an email series Kay is creating for family caregivers during 2021. If you prefer to read these messages, please sign up to receive the emails at FacilitatorOnFire.net/January2021.
06:45
January 2, 2021
Message One - Resolutions Aren't Encouraging
Welcome to the “January Encouragement for Caregivers” series. Host Kay Coughlin is also a family caregiver, as well as a life coach for family caregivers. You can subscribe receive these messages in email format at FacilitatorOnFire.net/LearnMore. Or browse through all the messages at FacilitatorOnFire.net/January2021.
05:18
January 1, 2021
January Encouragement for Caregivers - Trailer
This is “January Encouragement for Caregivers” with Kay Coughlin. During the month of January, 2021, Kay is going to be publishing these recordings of an email series she created to help family caregivers. Kay is a caregiver too, and a life coach for caregivers, and she has learned that caregivers have a hard time seeing possibilities. There’s a big set of expectations people have, and a lot of assumptions people make, about caregivers. Mostly, these beliefs are that caregivers don’t have a lot of options - but they do have a lot of limitations. This boxes caregivers into living these lukewarm lives that are smaller than they really want. Kay is here to tell you none of this is true! It's just stuff we've heard all our lives, and it’s not real. We don’t have to believe for a second that caregivers have to buy into the idea that the only choice they have is to live narrow lives, limited to what other people think they “can” and “should” do. During this series, Kay is going to be leading caregivers to remember what it's like to be encouraged and see possibilities - and how they can have so much more in their lives, no matter what the people around them think! Recordings will begin airing on January 1. For more information about Kay’s work, or to sign up to receive emails, go to FacilitatorOnFire.net/LearnMore.
01:46
December 29, 2020