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Dear Adult Daughter

Dear Adult Daughter

By Karen C.L. Anderson
A bite-sized podcast for women who wish to use the difficult relationship they have with their mothers as a catalyst for growth

Reveal patterns. Heal shame. Transform legacies.
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For you, if you dread Mother's Day
Karen C.L. Anderson is a master-certified life coach and author who has helped thousands of smart, creative women use the difficult relationships they have with their mothers as a catalyst for growth. Author of Difficult Mothers, Adult Daughters: A Guide For Separation, Liberation & Inspiration (March 2018); The Difficult Mother-Daughter Relationship Journal (January 2020); and Overcoming Creative Anxiety: Journal Prompts & Practices For Disarming Your Inner Critic (June 2020), Karen incorporates story-telling, journaling, awareness tools, shadow work, and simple energy and somatic practices in her Mother Lode 1:1 program. Her approach is safe, fun, and effective. Karen recognizes that what is possible personally is what is possible collectively, and that what is often referred to as the Mother Wound, is not actually about mothers, but about systems that oppress all women. She understands the adage, “hurt people, hurt people,” while also acknowledging that cultivating compassion and empathy does not necessarily equal access and that healthy boundaries (up to and including going “no contact”) are at the heart of healing.  Interested in working with Karen? Click here to answer a few questions and she will be in touch!
02:59
May 8, 2021
Three things to know before re-establishing contact with your mother
Mentioned in this episode: The Difficult Mother-Daughter Relationship Journal Why Rehashing The Past Doesn't Work Anti-Anxiety practice Move the Energy practice ~~~ Karen C.L. Anderson is a master-certified life coach and author who has helped thousands of smart, creative women use the difficult relationships they have with their mothers as a catalyst for growth. Author of Difficult Mothers, Adult Daughters: A Guide For Separation, Liberation & Inspiration (March 2018); The Difficult Mother-Daughter Relationship Journal (January 2020); and Overcoming Creative Anxiety: Journal Prompts & Practices For Disarming Your Inner Critic (June 2020), Karen incorporates story-telling, journaling, awareness tools, shadow work, and simple energy and somatic practices in her Mother Lode 1:1 program. Her approach is safe, fun, and effective. Karen recognizes that what is possible personally is what is possible collectively, and that what is often referred to as the Mother Wound, is not actually about mothers, but about systems that oppress all women. She understands the adage, “hurt people, hurt people,” while also acknowledging that cultivating compassion and empathy does not necessarily equal access and that healthy boundaries (up to and including going “no contact”) are at the heart of healing.  Interested in working with Karen? Click here to answer a few questions and she will be in touch!
09:55
April 20, 2021
More human, less "nice"
Karen C.L. Anderson is a master-certified life coach and author who has helped thousands of smart, creative women use the difficult relationships they have with their mothers as a catalyst for growth. Author of Difficult Mothers, Adult Daughters: A Guide For Separation, Liberation & Inspiration (March 2018); The Difficult Mother-Daughter Relationship Journal (January 2020); and Overcoming Creative Anxiety: Journal Prompts & Practices For Disarming Your Inner Critic (June 2020), Karen incorporates story-telling, journaling, awareness tools, shadow work, and simple energy and somatic practices in her Mother Lode 1:1 program. Her approach is safe, fun, and effective. Karen recognizes that what is possible personally is what is possible collectively, and that what is often referred to as the Mother Wound, is not actually about mothers, but about systems that oppress all women. She understands the adage, “hurt people, hurt people,” while also acknowledging that cultivating compassion and empathy does not necessarily equal access and that healthy boundaries (up to and including going “no contact”) are at the heart of healing.  Interested in working with Karen? Click here to answer a few questions and she will be in touch!
08:17
April 17, 2021
It's never about the "how" when it comes to boundaries
I'm baaaaack. And I am calling this Season 2 :-) I learned something in the past year since starting this podcast: it's good for me to take time off from certain public-facing activities in the winter. So for future reference, I will be doing this podcast regularly* April - December. *"regularly" doesn't mean every week, it means mostly every week, sometimes twice a week and sometimes less than once a week. In this episode I share a super simple way to work WITH your nervous system when setting boundaries. We typically won't set boundaries not because we don't know the "how" but rather because our nervous systems perceive setting boundaries as a serious threat.
05:17
April 12, 2021
An invisible dynamic that keeps you stuck in misery with your mother...and how to get out
Mentioned in this episode: Beyond Victim Consciousness by Lynne Forrest ~~~ Karen C.L. Anderson is a master-certified life coach and author who has helped thousands of smart, creative women use the difficult relationships they have with their mothers as a catalyst for growth. Author of Difficult Mothers, Adult Daughters: A Guide For Separation, Liberation & Inspiration (March 2018); The Difficult Mother-Daughter Relationship Journal (January 2020); and Overcoming Creative Anxiety: Journal Prompts & Practices For Disarming Your Inner Critic (June 2020), Karen incorporates story-telling, journaling, awareness tools, shadow work, and simple energy and somatic practices in her Mother Lode 1:1 program. Her approach is safe, fun, and effective. Karen recognizes that what is possible personally is what is possible collectively, and that what is often referred to as the Mother Wound, is not actually about mothers, but about systems that oppress all women. She understands the adage, “hurt people, hurt people,” while also acknowledging that cultivating compassion and empathy does not necessarily equal access and that healthy boundaries (up to and including going “no contact”) are at the heart of healing.  Interested in working with Karen? Click here to answer a few questions and she will be in touch!
11:00
February 10, 2021
Let's Talk About FODO (fear of disappointing others)
Mentioned in this episode: Why Re-hashing the Past Doesn't Work How We Fight, Flight, Freeze & Fawn in Difficult Conversations: Adapting A Learning Mindset ~~~ Karen C.L. Anderson is a master-certified life coach and author who has helped hundreds of smart, creative women use the difficult relationships they have with their mothers as a catalyst for growth. Author of Difficult Mothers, Adult Daughters: A Guide For Separation, Liberation & Inspiration (March 2018); The Difficult Mother-Daughter Relationship Journal (January 2020); and Overcoming Creative Anxiety: Journal Prompts & Practices For Disarming Your Inner Critic (June 2020), Karen incorporates story-telling, journaling, awareness tools, shadow work, and simple energy and somatic practices in her Mother Lode 1:1 mentorship program. Her approach is safe, fun, and effective. Karen recognizes that what is possible personally is what is possible collectively, and that what is often referred to as the Mother Wound, is not actually about mothers, but about systems that oppress all women. She understands the adage, “hurt people, hurt people,” while also acknowledging that cultivating compassion and empathy does not necessarily equal access and that healthy boundaries (up to and including going “no contact”) are at the heart of healing. Interested in working with Karen? Book your free clarity call by clicking here.
13:09
January 15, 2021
It's Been 10 Years Since I Went 'No Contact' With My Mother: Enduring Lessons I've Learned Along The Way
Karen C.L. Anderson is a master-certified life coach and author who has helped hundreds of smart, creative women use the difficult relationships they have with their mothers as a catalyst for growth. Author of Difficult Mothers, Adult Daughters: A Guide For Separation, Liberation & Inspiration (March 2018); The Difficult Mother-Daughter Relationship Journal (January 2020); and Overcoming Creative Anxiety: Journal Prompts & Practices For Disarming Your Inner Critic (June 2020), Karen incorporates story-telling, journaling, awareness tools, shadow work, and simple energy and somatic practices in her Mother Lode 1:1 mentorship program. Her approach is safe, fun, and effective. Karen recognizes that what is possible personally is what is possible collectively, and that what is often referred to as the Mother Wound, is not actually about mothers, but about systems that oppress all women. She understands the adage, “hurt people, hurt people,” while also acknowledging that cultivating compassion and empathy does not necessarily equal access and that healthy boundaries (up to and including going “no contact”) are at the heart of healing. Interested in working with Karen? Book your free clarity call by clicking here.
25:05
December 28, 2020
Honor the Shadows
Karen C.L. Anderson is a master-certified life coach and author who has helped hundreds of smart, creative women use the difficult relationships they have with their mothers as a catalyst for growth. Author of Difficult Mothers, Adult Daughters: A Guide For Separation, Liberation & Inspiration (March 2018); The Difficult Mother-Daughter Relationship Journal (January 2020); and Overcoming Creative Anxiety: Journal Prompts & Practices For Disarming Your Inner Critic (June 2020), Karen incorporates story-telling, journaling, awareness tools, shadow work, and simple energy and somatic practices in her Mother Lode 1:1 mentorship program. Her approach is safe, fun, and effective. Karen recognizes that what is possible personally is what is possible collectively, and that what is often referred to as the Mother Wound, is not actually about mothers, but about systems that oppress all women. She understands the adage, “hurt people, hurt people,” while also acknowledging that cultivating compassion and empathy does not necessarily equal access and that healthy boundaries (up to and including going “no contact”) are at the heart of healing.
02:49
December 22, 2020
Are you full of yourself?
Click to send me a message and I will send you the two worksheets I mention in this episode. ~~~ Karen C.L. Anderson is a master-certified life coach and author who has helped hundreds of smart, creative women use the difficult relationships they have with their mothers as a catalyst for growth. Author of Difficult Mothers, Adult Daughters: A Guide For Separation, Liberation & Inspiration (March 2018); The Difficult Mother-Daughter Relationship Journal (January 2020); and Overcoming Creative Anxiety: Journal Prompts & Practices For Disarming Your Inner Critic (June 2020), Karen incorporates story-telling, journaling, awareness tools, shadow work, and simple energy and somatic practices in her Mother Lode 1:1 mentorship program. Her approach is safe, fun, and effective. Karen recognizes that what is possible personally is what is possible collectively, and that what is often referred to as the Mother Wound, is not actually about mothers, but about systems that oppress all women. She understands the adage, “hurt people, hurt people,” while also acknowledging that cultivating compassion and empathy does not necessarily equal access and that healthy boundaries (up to and including going “no contact”) are at the heart of healing.
09:08
December 16, 2020
Feeling good requires feeling everything
Mentioned in this episode: Sophie Sabbage's brilliant TEDx talk: How Grief Can Help Us Win ~~~ Karen C.L. Anderson is a master-certified life coach and author who has helped hundreds of smart, creative women use the difficult relationships they have with their mothers as a catalyst for growth. Author of Difficult Mothers, Adult Daughters: A Guide For Separation, Liberation & Inspiration (March 2018); The Difficult Mother-Daughter Relationship Journal (January 2020); and Overcoming Creative Anxiety: Journal Prompts & Practices For Disarming Your Inner Critic (June 2020), Karen incorporates story-telling, journaling, awareness tools, shadow work, and simple energy and somatic practices in her Mother Lode 1:1 mentorship program. Her approach is safe, fun, and effective. Karen recognizes that what is possible personally is what is possible collectively, and that what is often referred to as the Mother Wound, is not actually about mothers, but about systems that oppress all women. She understands the adage, “hurt people, hurt people,” while also acknowledging that cultivating compassion and empathy does not necessarily equal access and that healthy boundaries (up to and including going “no contact”) are at the heart of healing.
10:23
December 3, 2020
MYTH: apologies and forgiveness are necessary
Decide how you want to show up in the relationship. How often do you want to see and talk to her (if at all)? What boundaries are needed? How will you communicate them? Ask yourself how you need to feel in order to show up that way. Do shame, guilt, and anxiety help? Probably not, so what emotions, when felt intentionally, will help you show up as the grown-ass adult daughter you want to be (if that is how you want to show up)? What emotions will help you establish and maintain healthy, mature boundaries? Ask yourself what you need to believe in order to feel that way. Your thoughts and beliefs, and the identity you've created with those thoughts and beliefs, may not serve your goal. Knowing the story you have about who you are in relation to her allows you to change it. Everything else flows from there. That's it. This is totally doable on your own. If you'd like to speed up the process and have some compassionate accountability as you go, hire me as your guide and witness. The Mother Lode is a six-month 1:1 program designed to be a safe, compassionate container for you to do the most powerful and life-affirming work there is...and for me to see you as the person you want to be, not just in your relationship with your mother, but in your life. Reply to this email with questions or click here to set up a call to discuss working together.
07:29
November 23, 2020
Anger & Revenge
The Lima Bean Story (podcast or blog) Difficult Mother-Daughter Relationship Journal Email me and I'll send you four of my favorite somatic practices Click here to schedule a clarity call. What happens on a Clarity Call? You share your story with me, you get clarity on your situation, and we identify next steps and obstacles that might be in the way. If appropriate, we can discuss working together.
17:06
November 16, 2020
To be able
Click here to schedule a clarity call. What happens on a Clarity Call? You share your story with me, you get clarity on your situation, and we identify next steps and obstacles that might be in the way. If appropriate, we can discuss working together longer term.
03:06
November 14, 2020
A brave, middle path
A Woman Is No Man by Etaf Rum ~~~ Click here to schedule some time for a virtual coffee date (via Zoom) so we can explore what you’re wanting to accomplish.
05:08
October 30, 2020
The most life-affirming thing you've ever done
My clients are successful, creative women who establish and maintain healthy, mature boundaries; no longer rush to the less-than position in their relationships; and choose to express themselves clearly and cleanly. They have achieved a significant level of success by following the rules and now they’re choosing to be more authentic and vulnerable in public knowing they can handle haters and critics (even their mothers). There are two ways to do the work with me: The Mother Lode: is a six-month deep dive into your maternal lineage and more with the goal of revealing and healing painful patterns and stories, and transforming your legacy so you can show up in your life as the magnificent woman you are. This offer is for women who want to use the troubled relationship they have with their mothers as a catalyst for growth.They want to take their time and lay a solid foundation for their future selves. Boundaries For Life: is an 8-week intensive with the goal of establishing and maintaining healthy, mature boundaries. This offer is for women who want to get it done (and now is a perfect time, with the holidays right around the corner) especially if you tend to shrink back, crumple, fold, or hide the minute someone challenges your boundaries. Click here to schedule some time for a virtual coffee date (via Zoom) so we can explore what you’re wanting to accomplish.
05:36
October 22, 2020
How to handle it when your brain thinks horrible thoughts
This episode in response to questions asked about this episode: When you're accused of the thing you're most afraid of being accused of. Mentioned: The Happiness Trap by Russ Harris ~~~ My name is Karen C.L. Anderson and I am an adult daughter, with the emphasis on adult. I am also the author of Difficult Mothers, Adult Daughters: A Guide For Separation, Liberation & Inspiration and The Difficult Mother-Daughter Relationship Journal: A Guide For Revealing & Healing Toxic Generational Patterns. In this podcast I answer questions from readers, tell stories, give advice, and share the tools and processes I’ve used to heal my relationship with my mother. What started out as one of the most painful aspects of my life, something I saw as permanent and forever limiting, has turned into the greatest catalyst for my growth, wisdom, creativity, and joy. I did that. I do it every day. And so can you. ~~~ On the surface, you think it’s about your mother. Underneath, where it counts, it’s about you and your self-respect, self-trust, self-agency, and self-expression. Your grown-ass-womanhood. Your power, your choice, your creativity. When you own that (and owning it is a life-long process . . . not a one-and-done-flip-of-a-switch), you will realize that no matter what the status of relationship with her, your relationship with yourself will change in ways you can’t even imagine. Don't forget to send me your questions. I will answer them in an upcoming episode, anonymously, of course.
05:56
October 17, 2020
Tell her it's hurtful...or ignore it?
My name is Karen C.L. Anderson and I am an adult daughter, with the emphasis on adult. I am also the author of Difficult Mothers, Adult Daughters: A Guide For Separation, Liberation & Inspiration and The Difficult Mother-Daughter Relationship Journal: A Guide For Revealing & Healing Toxic Generational Patterns. In this podcast I answer questions from readers, tell stories, give advice, and share the tools and processes I’ve used to heal my relationship with my mother. What started out as one of the most painful aspects of my life, something I saw as permanent and forever limiting, has turned into the greatest catalyst for my growth, wisdom, creativity, and joy. I did that. I do it every day. And so can you. ~~~ On the surface, you think it’s about your mother. Underneath, where it counts, it’s about you and your self-respect, self-trust, self-agency, and self-expression. Your grown-ass-womanhood. Your power, your choice, your creativity. When you own that (and owning it is a life-long process . . . not a one-and-done-flip-of-a-switch), you will realize that no matter what the status of relationship with her, your relationship with yourself will change in ways you can’t even imagine. Don't forget to send me your questions. I will answer them in an upcoming episode, anonymously, of course.
03:38
October 10, 2020
When you're accused of the thing you most fear being accused of
This is especially for you if you're creative, you want to help others, and you know that involves "putting yourself out there" and perhaps inviting criticism,
17:00
October 2, 2020
"My mother bad mouths my father to me"
Mentioned in this episode: Dear Adult Daughter (With The Emphasis on "Adult"): the best of Karen’s Weekly Love Notes from the past five years. She answers questions from readers, tells stories, gives advice, and shares the tools she uses with her clients (and herself) to help them heal the relationships they have with their mothers. Get it by clicking here. Send me your question by clicking here.
08:02
October 1, 2020
The key to making progress with your boundaries...
...is deciding to have them! Want help? Boundaries For Life is an 8-week 1:1 intensive coaching experience that will help you decide which boundaries you want to establish and maintain, and then actually establish and maintain them!
09:20
September 26, 2020
3 steps for dealing with a jealous mother
Mentioned in this podcast:  11 Signs Your Mom Might Have Jealous Issues. Difficult Mothers, Adult Daughters: A Guide For Separation, Liberation & Inspiration. Also check out Karen's Eight-Week Boundaries Intensive: Boundaries For Life.
05:53
September 16, 2020
"I don't trust my mother"
Boundaries For Life: A Two-Month 1:1 Intensive for smart, creative women who struggle with setting boundaries (and not just with their mothers). :: Deciding what boundaries you want to establish and maintain. :: Communicating your boundaries effectively, either with your words, or with your actions/energy. :: Understanding your nervous system and learning to work WITH it instead of against yourself. :: Support in handling pushback, negotiations, etc. :: Laying a solid, repeatable foundation for boundaries you’ll establish and maintain in the future. We meet four times via Zoom (you’ll have the opportunity to record the calls if you’d like) and we'll have daily contact via Google docs where I will provide additional coaching, worksheets, resources, notes, action steps, tools etc. This offer is for you if… :: You know you need to set boundaries but aren’t sure how (or are afraid) to do it. :: You get pushback when you try to set boundaries. :: You aren’t able to maintain boundaries once you’ve set them. :: No one seems to respect your boundaries. :: You feel guilty and/or anxious when you think about setting boundaries. :: You are committed to your growth and trying new things. :: You want to GET IT DONE already. The investment for this offer is low four figures...a no brainer when you consider what a lack of boundaries costs in regards to your time, attention, energy, and creative expression. Send me a message if this sounds like something you'd like to pursue!
07:24
September 6, 2020
When it comes to boundaries explaining is optional
How To Set Pandemic Boundaries for Relatives (New York Times) Click here to send me a message if you're interested in the Boundaries For Life two-month intensive
07:56
August 27, 2020
Is it a boundary, a request, or a demand?
In this episode we explore the difference between healthy boundaries, requests, and demands/expectations. ~~~ Karen C.L. Anderson is a master-certified life coach and author who has helped hundreds of smart, creative women use the difficult relationships they have with their mothers as a catalyst for growth. Author of Difficult Mothers, Adult Daughters: A Guide For Separation, Liberation & Inspiration (March 2018); The Difficult Mother-Daughter Relationship Journal (January 2020); and Overcoming Creative Anxiety: Journal Prompts & Practices For Disarming Your Inner Critic (June 2020), Karen incorporates story-telling, journaling, awareness tools, shadow work, and simple energy and somatic practices in her Mother Lode 1:1 mentorship program. Her approach is safe, fun, and effective. Karen recognizes that what is possible personally is what is possible collectively, and that what is often referred to as the Mother Wound, is not actually about mothers, but about systems that oppress all women. She understands the adage, “hurt people, hurt people,” while also acknowledging that cultivating compassion and empathy does not necessarily equal access and that healthy boundaries (up to and including going “no contact”) are at the heart of healing.
04:41
August 6, 2020
The powerless position you put yourself in (and how to take yourself out)
You can contact me or send me your questions by clicking here. 
08:46
July 30, 2020
Plan for the drama
An Invitation To Work With Me 1:1 I have an offer for you if you are a successful, creative woman (who maybe also has a bit of a rebellious streak) and who has a difficult or troubled relationship with your mother that you KNOW is negatively impacting important parts of your life. In other words, your mother is the Kryptonite to your Superwoman. You want to: Heal the relationship whether your mother participates or not Live with less guilt, anger, and defensiveness Learn the critical skill of responding, not reacting Feel both safe and empowered Shift your focus from blaming her (or yourself) to taking responsibility for yourself Establish and maintain healthy boundaries, up to and including going no contact if that’s the right choice for you Feel more positively about the relationship, even if you choose to have very little, or no contact with her (and even if your mother is no longer alive) No longer be defined by the relationship Use the relationship as a catalyst for your growth, creativity, and empowerment We work together for six months on the following things: shoring up your nervous system with simple and easy mind-body-energy practices, revealing and examining unconscious patterns that may have been handed down to you, changing your relationship to and transforming those patterns, establishing and maintaining healthy boundaries, and ultimately rewriting your story so it is no longer a source of chronic guilt, anger, and suffering. In our six months together we will meet three to four times per month via Zoom. You’ll have the opportunity to record the calls if you’d like, and I will provide worksheets, resources, notes, action steps, tools etc. via email after each meeting. You will also receive hard copies of all three of my books!In order to qualify for this offer, it helps if you’ve had therapy and are not actively processing significant trauma, you are aware that you still have fears and habits that are holding you back, and you know they’re related to your relationship with your mother. The price for this offer is a mid four-figure investment but small when you consider that this problem may be one of the most costly in the world: difficult mother-daughter relationships are part of what keep women stuck in “less than” positions, making less money, and less able to advocate for themselves. Not to mention the time and energy spent toggling between anger, guilt, anxiety, sadness, and hopelessness (and the effects on your health) and how this limits you and your creative expression. It’s also small compared to the cost of people-pleasing and being boundary-less, not just in your relationship with her, but in other important relationships, including your own children.If you are interested in this offer, send me an email (karen@kclanderson.com) we'll have a quick chat to see if it's a fit for you.
03:11
July 15, 2020
How to get beyond pain to compassion
Mentioned in this episode: Compassion and the true meaning of empathy (TED talk by Roshi Joan Halifax) ~~~ Karen C.L. Anderson is a writer, author, and master-certified life coach who helps women use the troubled relationships they have with their mothers and/or daughters as a catalyst for growth, leadership, wisdom, and creativity.
05:05
July 8, 2020
Why is it that we can only have superficial conversations?

Mentioned in this episode: Complex PTSD: From Surviving To Thriving, by Pete Walker ~~~ Karen C.L. Anderson is a writer, author, and master-certified life coach who helps women use the troubled relationships they have with their mothers and/or daughters as a catalyst for growth, leadership, wisdom, and creativity.
07:24
July 7, 2020
Let's talk about betrayal
Mentioned in this episode: Educated by Tara Westover The Invitation by Oriah Mountain Dreamer The Difficult Mother-Daughter Relationship Journal: A Guide For Revealing & Healing Toxic Generational Patterns, by Karen C.L. Anderson ~~~ Karen C.L. Anderson is a writer, author, and master-certified life coach who helps women use the troubled relationships they have with their mothers and/or daughters as a catalyst for growth, leadership, wisdom, and creativity.
08:10
July 2, 2020
Trauma does not have to = "sad" or "embarrassed"
Karen C.L. Anderson is a writer, author, and master-certified life coach who helps women use the troubled relationships they have with their mothers and/or daughters as a catalyst for growth, leadership, wisdom, and creativity. She is the author of: :: After (The Before & After) (2011) :: The Peaceful Daughter’s Guide To Separating From A Difficult Mother (2015…no longer available) :: Difficult Mothers, Adult Daughters, A Guide For Separation, Liberation & Inspiration (March 2018) :: The Difficult Mother-Daughter Relationship Journal: A Guide For Revealing and Healing Toxic Generational Patterns (January, 2020) :: Overcoming Creative Anxiety: Journal Prompts & Practices for Disarming Your Inner Critic & Allowing Creativity To Flow (June 2020) :: Dear Adult Daughter, With the Emphasis On Adult (July 2020) Karen is at work on a memoir, A Letter To The Daughter I Chose Not To Have. She lives on the Southeastern Connecticut shoreline.
05:40
June 15, 2020
Stamina and Humility
"The beauty of anti-racism is that you don't have to pretend to be free of racism to be an anti-racist. Anti-racism is the commitment to fight racism wherever you find it, including in yourself. And it's the only way forward." ~ Ijeoma Oluo Free five-part course from Resmaa Menakem: Racialized Trauma For a deeper dive: My Grandmother's Hands A Letter To My White Male Friends Of A Certain Age  Other resources can be found at the end of this blog post: Stamina And Humility ~~~ Karen C.L. Anderson is a writer, author, and master-certified life coach who helps women use the troubled relationships they have with their mothers and/or daughters as a catalyst for growth, leadership, wisdom, and creativity. She is the author of: :: After (The Before & After) (2011) :: The Peaceful Daughter’s Guide To Separating From A Difficult Mother (2015…no longer available) :: Difficult Mothers, Adult Daughters, A Guide For Separation, Liberation & Inspiration (March 2018) :: The Difficult Mother-Daughter Relationship Journal: A Guide For Revealing and Healing Toxic Generational Patterns (January, 2020) :: Overcoming Creative Anxiety: Journal Prompts & Practices for Disarming Your Inner Critic & Allowing Creativity To Flow (June 2020) :: Dear Adult Daughter, With the Emphasis On Adult (July 2020) Karen is at work on a memoir, A Letter To The Daughter I Chose Not To Have. She lives on the Southeastern Connecticut shoreline.
13:47
June 8, 2020
Let's connect more directly!
Learn more about and sign up for The Mother Lode: A Conversation About Emotions, Power & Creativity here. Learn more about and sign up for the Overcoming Creative Anxiety book club here. ~~~ Don't forget to send me your questions. I will answer them in an upcoming episode, anonymously, of course.  You can also click the +Message button on the podcast homepage to send me a recorded comment or question.  Subscribe to my email Love Notes. ~~~ Karen C.L. Anderson is a writer, author, and master-certified life coach who helps women use the troubled relationships they have with their mothers and/or daughters as a catalyst for growth, leadership, wisdom, and creativity. She is the author of: After (The Before & After) (2011) The Peaceful Daughter’s Guide To Separating From A Difficult Mother (2015…no longer available) Difficult Mothers, Adult Daughters, A Guide For Separation, Liberation & Inspiration (March 2018) The Difficult Mother-Daughter Relationship Journal: A Guide For Revealing and Healing Toxic Generational Patterns (January, 2020) Dear Adult Daughter, With the Emphasis On Adult (May 2020) Overcoming Creative Anxiety: Journal Prompts & Practices for Disarming Your Inner Critic & Allowing Creativity To Flow (June 2020) Karen is at work on a memoir, A Letter To The Daughter I Chose Not To Have. She lives on the Southeastern Connecticut shoreline.
05:24
May 27, 2020
What does it mean to “break the cycle”?
Read my essay in O Magazine about the lessons I learned from my stepchildren's mother as she was dying ~~~ I am hosting a special community project in the month of June. The Mother Lode: A Conversation About Emotions, Power & Creativity is a free month-long event in which 20 women will share their stories about what they've learned (or didn't learn) from their mothers about emotion, power, and creativity, and how they use what they learned in support of their work in the world. Learn more and join us by subscribing here.   ~~~ Don't forget to send me your questions. I will answer them in an upcoming episode, anonymously, of course.  You can also click the +Message button on the podcast homepage to send me a recorded comment or question.  Subscribe to my email Love Notes. ~~~ Karen C.L. Anderson is a writer, author, and master-certified life coach who helps women use the troubled relationships they have with their mothers and/or daughters as a catalyst for growth, leadership, wisdom, and creativity. She is the author of: After (The Before & After) (2011) The Peaceful Daughter’s Guide To Separating From A Difficult Mother (2015…no longer available) Difficult Mothers, Adult Daughters, A Guide For Separation, Liberation & Inspiration (March 2018) The Difficult Mother-Daughter Relationship Journal: A Guide For Revealing and Healing Toxic Generational Patterns (January, 2020) Dear Adult Daughter, With the Emphasis On Adult (May 2020) Overcoming Creative Anxiety: Journal Prompts & Practices for Disarming Your Inner Critic & Allowing Creativity To Flow (June 2020) Karen runs the Make It Real membership community (for women who want to “make real” the concepts in her books) and is at work on a memoir, A Letter To The Daughter I Chose Not To Have. She lives on the Southeastern Connecticut shoreline.
07:04
May 20, 2020
Does “doing the work” mean you eventually realize it was your fault all along?
I am hosting a special community project in the month of June. The Mother Lode: A Conversation About Emotions, Power & Creativity is a free month-long event in which 20 women will share their stories about what they've learned (or didn't learn) from their mothers about emotion, power, and creativity, and how they use what they learned in support of their work in the world. Learn more and join us by subscribing here. ~~~ Don't forget to send me your questions. I will answer them in an upcoming episode, anonymously, of course.  You can also click the +Message button on the podcast homepage to send me a recorded comment or question.  Subscribe to my email Love Notes. ~~~ Karen C.L. Anderson is a writer, author, and master-certified life coach who helps women use the troubled relationships they have with their mothers and/or daughters as a catalyst for growth, leadership, wisdom, and creativity. She is the author of: After (The Before & After) (2011) The Peaceful Daughter’s Guide To Separating From A Difficult Mother (2015…no longer available) Difficult Mothers, Adult Daughters, A Guide For Separation, Liberation & Inspiration (March 2018) The Difficult Mother-Daughter Relationship Journal: A Guide For Revealing and Healing Toxic Generational Patterns (January, 2020) Dear Adult Daughter, With the Emphasis On Adult (May 2020) Overcoming Creative Anxiety: Journal Prompts & Practices for Disarming Your Inner Critic & Allowing Creativity To Flow (June 2020) Karen runs the Make It Real membership community (for women who want to “make real” the concepts in her books) and is at work on a memoir, A Letter To The Daughter I Chose Not To Have. She lives on the Southeastern Connecticut shoreline.
05:51
May 15, 2020
A way to eradicate needless shame
What stops you from being willing to love yourself unconditionally? What are the conditions (if any) under which you allow yourself to love yourself? What would it take to love yourself unconditionally, not "in spite of" or "no matter what" or "even though" but simply because of who you are and because you deserve your own unconditional love? Make yourself an "I love myself BECAUSE..." list but instead of listing positive things….the things you think make you worthy of love, include all the things you would normally say "I am ashamed of myself because..." or "I feel guilty because..." or "I am bad because…"). ~~~ Don't forget to send me your questions. I will answer them in an upcoming episode, anonymously, of course.  You can also click the +Message button on the podcast homepage to send me a recorded comment or question.  Subscribe to my email Love Notes. ~~~ Karen C.L. Anderson is a writer, author, and master-certified life coach who helps women use the troubled relationships they have with their mothers and/or daughters as a catalyst for growth, leadership, wisdom, and creativity. She is the author of: After (The Before & After) (2011) The Peaceful Daughter’s Guide To Separating From A Difficult Mother (2015…no longer available) Difficult Mothers, Adult Daughters, A Guide For Separation, Liberation & Inspiration (March 2018) The Difficult Mother-Daughter Relationship Journal: A Guide For Revealing and Healing Toxic Generational Patterns (January, 2020) Dear Adult Daughter, With the Emphasis On Adult (May 2020) Overcoming Creative Anxiety: Journal Prompts & Practices for Disarming Your Inner Critic & Allowing Creativity To Flow (June 2020) Karen runs the Make It Real membership community (for women who want to “make real” the concepts in her books) and is at work on a memoir, A Letter To The Daughter I Chose Not To Have. She lives on the Southeastern Connecticut shoreline.
10:40
May 4, 2020
Boundary Myths & Tips
Don't forget to send me your questions. I will answer them in an upcoming episode, anonymously, of course.  You can also click the +Message button on the podcast homepage to send me a recorded comment or question.  Subscribe to my email Love Notes. ~~~ Karen C.L. Anderson is a writer, author, and master-certified life coach who helps women use the troubled relationships they have with their mothers and/or daughters as a catalyst for growth, leadership, wisdom, and creativity. She is the author of: After (The Before & After) (2011) The Peaceful Daughter’s Guide To Separating From A Difficult Mother (2015…no longer available) Difficult Mothers, Adult Daughters, A Guide For Separation, Liberation & Inspiration (March 2018) The Difficult Mother-Daughter Relationship Journal: A Guide For Revealing and Healing Toxic Generational Patterns (January, 2020) Dear Adult Daughter, With the Emphasis On Adult (May 2020) Overcoming Creative Anxiety: Journal Prompts & Practices for Disarming Your Inner Critic & Allowing Creativity To Flow (June 2020) Karen runs the Make It Real membership community (for women who want to “make real” the concepts in her books) and is at work on a memoir, A Letter To The Daughter I Chose Not To Have. She lives on the Southeastern Connecticut shoreline.
18:46
April 28, 2020
Going "no contact"
Debunking Myths About Estrangement  ~~~ Don't forget to send me your questions. I will answer them in an upcoming episode, anonymously, of course.  You can also click the +Message button on the podcast homepage to send me a recorded comment or question.  Subscribe to my email Love Notes. ~~~ Karen C.L. Anderson is a writer, author, and master-certified life coach who helps women use the troubled relationships they have with their mothers and/or daughters as a catalyst for growth, leadership, wisdom, and creativity. She is the author of: After (The Before & After) (2011) The Peaceful Daughter’s Guide To Separating From A Difficult Mother (2015…no longer available) Difficult Mothers, Adult Daughters, A Guide For Separation, Liberation & Inspiration (March 2018) The Difficult Mother-Daughter Relationship Journal: A Guide For Revealing and Healing Toxic Generational Patterns (January, 2020) Dear Adult Daughter, With the Emphasis On Adult (May 2020) Overcoming Creative Anxiety: Journal Prompts & Practices for Disarming Your Inner Critic & Allowing Creativity To Flow (June 2020) Karen runs the Make It Real membership community (for women who want to “make real” the concepts in her books) and is at work on a memoir, A Letter To The Daughter I Chose Not To Have. She lives on the Southeastern Connecticut shoreline.
07:10
April 25, 2020
Lima beans, anger, and accountability
We choose to acknowledge that, at one time, we were victims. We suffered. We choose not to blame ourselves and we remind ourselves that our mothers were the responsible adults at the time. Chances are our mothers were not able to take responsibility then, for a variety of reasons, and nor will they want to do so now, but that doesn’t mean we can't stop blaming ourselves. We choose now to be responsible for our own healing (which will make it easier to be accountable for our own actions). This is compassionate accountability. It is a felt experience not just an intellectual exercise. And it doesn't require forgiveness. ~~~ Don't forget to send me your questions. I will answer them in an upcoming episode, anonymously, of course.  You can also click the +Message button on the podcast homepage to send me a recorded comment or question.  Subscribe to my email Love Notes. ~~~ Karen C.L. Anderson is a writer, author, and master-certified life coach who helps women use the troubled relationships they have with their mothers and/or daughters as a catalyst for growth, empowerment, wisdom, and creativity. She is the author of: After (The Before & After) (2011) The Peaceful Daughter’s Guide To Separating From A Difficult Mother (2015…no longer available) Difficult Mothers, Adult Daughters, A Guide For Separation, Liberation & Inspiration (March 2018) The Difficult Mother-Daughter Relationship Journal: A Guide For Revealing and Healing Toxic Generational Patterns (January, 2020) Dear Adult Daughter, With the Emphasis On Adult (May 2020) Overcoming Creative Anxiety: Journal Prompts & Practices for Disarming Your Inner Critic & Allowing Creativity To Flow (June 2020) Karen runs the Make It Real membership community (for women who want to “make real” the concepts in her books) and is at work on a memoir, A Letter To The Daughter I Chose Not To Have. She lives on the Southeastern Connecticut shoreline.
13:55
April 24, 2020
How will I feel if my mother dies before we reconcile and will I be able to handle it?
The movie I mentioned: The Hollars ~~~ Don't forget to send me your questions. I will answer them in an upcoming episode, anonymously, of course. You can also click the +Message button on the podcast homepage to send me a recorded comment or question. Subscribe to my email Love Notes. ~~~ Karen C.L. Anderson is a writer, author, and master-certified life coach who helps women use the troubled relationships they have with their mothers and/or daughters as a catalyst for growth, empowerment, wisdom, and creativity. She is the author of: After (The Before & After) (2011) The Peaceful Daughter’s Guide To Separating From A Difficult Mother (2015…no longer available) Difficult Mothers, Adult Daughters, A Guide For Separation, Liberation & Inspiration (March 2018) The Difficult Mother-Daughter Relationship Journal: A Guide For Revealing and Healing Toxic Generational Patterns (January, 2020) Dear Adult Daughter, With the Emphasis On Adult (May 2020) Overcoming Creative Anxiety: Journal Prompts & Practices for Disarming Your Inner Critic & Allowing Creativity To Flow (June 2020) Karen runs the Make It Real membership community (for women who want to “make real” the concepts in her books) and is at work on a memoir, A Letter To The Daughter I Chose Not To Have. She lives on the Southeastern Connecticut shoreline.
07:11
April 20, 2020
How to deal with a jealous mother
11 Signs Your Mother Might Have Jealousy Issues (P.S. I disagree with this: "The best thing you can do is support her, point out her accomplishments") ~~~ Don't forget to send me your questions. I will answer them in an upcoming episode, anonymously, of course. ~~~ Karen C.L. Anderson is a writer, author, and master-certified life coach who helps women use the troubled relationships they have with their mothers and/or daughters as a catalyst for growth, empowerment, wisdom, and creativity. She is the author of: After (The Before & After) (2011) The Peaceful Daughter’s Guide To Separating From A Difficult Mother (2015…no longer available) Difficult Mothers, Adult Daughters, A Guide For Separation, Liberation & Inspiration (March 2018) The Difficult Mother-Daughter Relationship Journal: A Guide For Revealing and Healing Toxic Generational Patterns (January, 2020) Dear Adult Daughter, With the Emphasis On Adult (May 2020) Overcoming Creative Anxiety: Journal Prompts & Practices for Disarming Your Inner Critic & Allowing Creativity To Flow (June 2020) Karen runs the Make It Real membership community (for women who want to “make real” the concepts in her books) and is at work on a memoir, A Letter To The Daughter I Chose Not To Have. She lives on the Southeastern Connecticut shoreline.
11:59
April 20, 2020
If you’re doing everything you can to not be like your mother, listen to this
“If you have to act in a particular way to avoid being something you don’t like, you’re trapped.” ~ Debbie Ford, The Dark Side of the Light Chasers ~~~ Don't forget to send me your questions. I will answer them in an upcoming episode, anonymously, of course. ~~~ Karen C.L. Anderson is a writer, author, and master-certified life coach who helps women use the troubled relationships they have with their mothers and/or daughters as a catalyst for growth, empowerment, wisdom, and creativity. She is the author of: After (The Before & After) (2011) The Peaceful Daughter’s Guide To Separating From A Difficult Mother (2015…no longer available) Difficult Mothers, Adult Daughters, A Guide For Separation, Liberation & Inspiration (March 2018) The Difficult Mother-Daughter Relationship Journal: A Guide For Revealing and Healing Toxic Generational Patterns (January, 2020) Dear Adult Daughter, With the Emphasis On Adult (May 2020) Overcoming Creative Anxiety: Journal Prompts & Practices for Disarming Your Inner Critic & Allowing Creativity To Flow (June 2020) Karen runs the Make It Real membership community (for women who want to “make real” the concepts in her books) and is at work on a memoir, A Letter To The Daughter I Chose Not To Have. She lives on the Southeastern Connecticut shoreline.
04:25
April 18, 2020
The exact things I do when I am practicing what I preach...
...and why I bother ~~~ Don't forget to send me your questions. I will answer them in an upcoming episode, anonymously, of course. ~~~ Karen C.L. Anderson is a writer, author, and master-certified life coach who helps women use the troubled relationships they have with their mothers and/or daughters as a catalyst for growth, empowerment, wisdom, and creativity. She is the author of: After (The Before & After) (2011) The Peaceful Daughter’s Guide To Separating From A Difficult Mother (2015…no longer available) Difficult Mothers, Adult Daughters, A Guide For Separation, Liberation & Inspiration (March 2018) The Difficult Mother-Daughter Relationship Journal: A Guide For Revealing and Healing Toxic Generational Patterns (January, 2020) Dear Adult Daughter, With the Emphasis On Adult (May 2020) Overcoming Creative Anxiety: Journal Prompts & Practices for Disarming Your Inner Critic & Allowing Creativity To Flow (June 2020) Karen runs the Make It Real membership community (for women who want to “make real” the concepts in her books) and is at work on a memoir, A Letter To The Daughter I Chose Not To Have. She lives on the Southeastern Connecticut shoreline.
05:18
April 18, 2020
A brilliant quote about shedding the guilt associated with cutting family ties
I shed my guilt (of cutting family ties) when I accepted my decision on its own terms, without endlessly prosecuting old grievances, without weighing his sins against mine. Without thinking of my father I learned to accept my decision for its own sake, because of me not because of him, because I needed it not because he deserved it. It was the only way I could love him. ~ Tara Westover in her memoir, Educated ~~~ Don't forget to send me your questions. I will answer them in an upcoming episode, anonymously, of course. ~~~ Karen C.L. Anderson is a writer, author, and master-certified life coach who helps women use the troubled relationships they have with their mothers and/or daughters as a catalyst for growth, empowerment, wisdom, and creativity. She is the author of: After (The Before & After) (2011) The Peaceful Daughter’s Guide To Separating From A Difficult Mother (2015…no longer available) Difficult Mothers, Adult Daughters, A Guide For Separation, Liberation & Inspiration (March 2018) The Difficult Mother-Daughter Relationship Journal: A Guide For Revealing and Healing Toxic Generational Patterns (January, 2020) Dear Adult Daughter, With the Emphasis On Adult (May 2020) Overcoming Creative Anxiety: Journal Prompts & Practices for Disarming Your Inner Critic & Allowing Creativity To Flow (June 2020) Karen runs the Make It Real membership community (for women who want to “make real” the concepts in her books) and is at work on a memoir, A Letter To The Daughter I Chose Not To Have. She lives on the Southeastern Connecticut shoreline.
02:45
April 18, 2020
How do you make peace with the idea of never actually making peace with your mother?
~~~ Don't forget to send me your questions. I will answer them in an upcoming episode, anonymously, of course. ~~~ Karen C.L. Anderson is a writer, author, and master-certified life coach who helps women use the troubled relationships they have with their mothers and/or daughters as a catalyst for growth, empowerment, wisdom, and creativity. She is the author of: After (The Before & After) (2011) The Peaceful Daughter’s Guide To Separating From A Difficult Mother (2015…no longer available) Difficult Mothers, Adult Daughters, A Guide For Separation, Liberation & Inspiration (March 2018) The Difficult Mother-Daughter Relationship Journal: A Guide For Revealing and Healing Toxic Generational Patterns (January, 2020) Dear Adult Daughter, With the Emphasis On Adult (May 2020) Overcoming Creative Anxiety: Journal Prompts & Practices for Disarming Your Inner Critic & Allowing Creativity To Flow (June 2020) Karen runs the Make It Real membership community (for women who want to “make real” the concepts in her books) and is at work on a memoir, A Letter To The Daughter I Chose Not To Have. She lives on the Southeastern Connecticut shoreline.
04:59
April 18, 2020
A similar question from two adult daughters
Mentioned in this episode: Beyond Victim Consciousness, by Lynne Forrest ~~~ Don't forget to send me your questions. I will answer them in an upcoming episode, anonymously, of course. ~~~ Karen C.L. Anderson is a writer, author, and master-certified life coach who helps women use the troubled relationships they have with their mothers and/or daughters as a catalyst for growth, empowerment, wisdom, and creativity. She is the author of: After (The Before & After) (2011) The Peaceful Daughter’s Guide To Separating From A Difficult Mother (2015…no longer available) Difficult Mothers, Adult Daughters, A Guide For Separation, Liberation & Inspiration (March 2018) The Difficult Mother-Daughter Relationship Journal: A Guide For Revealing and Healing Toxic Generational Patterns (January, 2020) Dear Adult Daughter, With the Emphasis On Adult (May 2020) Overcoming Creative Anxiety: Journal Prompts & Practices for Disarming Your Inner Critic & Allowing Creativity To Flow (June 2020) Karen runs the Make It Real membership community (for women who want to “make real” the concepts in her books) and is at work on a memoir, A Letter To The Daughter I Chose Not To Have. She lives on the Southeastern Connecticut shoreline.
04:60
April 18, 2020
“Your freedom is more important than their anger”
“no might make them angry but it will make you free. - if no one has ever told you, your freedom is more important than their anger.” ~ Nayyirah Waheed, Salt ~~~ Don't forget to send me your questions. I will answer them in an upcoming episode, anonymously, of course. ~~~ Karen C.L. Anderson is a writer, author, and master-certified life coach who helps women use the troubled relationships they have with their mothers and/or daughters as a catalyst for growth, empowerment, wisdom, and creativity. She is the author of: After (The Before & After) (2011) The Peaceful Daughter’s Guide To Separating From A Difficult Mother (2015…no longer available) Difficult Mothers, Adult Daughters, A Guide For Separation, Liberation & Inspiration (March 2018) The Difficult Mother-Daughter Relationship Journal: A Guide For Revealing and Healing Toxic Generational Patterns (January, 2020) Dear Adult Daughter, With the Emphasis On Adult (May 2020) Overcoming Creative Anxiety: Journal Prompts & Practices for Disarming Your Inner Critic & Allowing Creativity To Flow (June 2020) Karen runs the Make It Real membership community (for women who want to “make real” the concepts in her books) and is at work on a memoir, A Letter To The Daughter I Chose Not To Have. She lives on the Southeastern Connecticut shoreline.
02:00
April 18, 2020
Dear Adult Daughter - Introduction
My name is Karen C.L. Anderson and I am an adult daughter, with the emphasis on adult. I am also the author of Difficult Mothers, Adult Daughters: A Guide For Separation, Liberation & Inspiration and The Difficult Mother-Daughter Relationship Journal: A Guide For Revealing & Healing Toxic Generational Patterns. In this podcast I answer questions from readers, tell stories, give advice, and share the tools and processes I’ve used to heal my relationship with my mother. What started out as one of the most painful aspects of my life, something I saw as permanent and forever limiting, has turned into the greatest catalyst for my growth, wisdom, creativity, and joy. I did that. I do it every day. And so can you. ~~~ On the surface, you think it’s about your mother. Underneath, where it counts, it’s about you and your self-respect, self-trust, self-agency, and self-expression. Your grown-ass-womanhood. Your power, your choice, your creativity. When you own that (and owning it is a life-long process . . . not a one-and-done-flip-of-a-switch), you will realize that no matter what the status of relationship with her, your relationship with yourself will change in ways you can’t even imagine. Don't forget to send me your questions. I will answer them in an upcoming episode, anonymously, of course.
01:56
April 18, 2020