Dear Adult Daughter

Dear Adult Daughter

By Karen C.L. Anderson
A bite-sized podcast for women who wish to use the difficult relationship they have with their mothers as a catalyst for growth

Reveal patterns. Heal shame. Transform legacies.
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Learn more about and sign up for The Mother Lode: A Conversation About Emotions, Power & Creativity here. Learn more about and sign up for the Overcoming Creative Anxiety book club here. ~~~ Don't forget to send me your questions. I will answer them in an upcoming episode, anonymously, of course.  You can also click the +Message button on the podcast homepage to send me a recorded comment or question.  Subscribe to my email Love Notes. ~~~ Karen C.L. Anderson is a writer, author, and master-certified life coach who helps women use the troubled relationships they have with their mothers and/or daughters as a catalyst for growth, leadership, wisdom, and creativity. She is the author of: After (The Before & After) (2011) The Peaceful Daughter’s Guide To Separating From A Difficult Mother (2015…no longer available) Difficult Mothers, Adult Daughters, A Guide For Separation, Liberation & Inspiration (March 2018) The Difficult Mother-Daughter Relationship Journal: A Guide For Revealing and Healing Toxic Generational Patterns (January, 2020) Dear Adult Daughter, With the Emphasis On Adult (May 2020) Overcoming Creative Anxiety: Journal Prompts & Practices for Disarming Your Inner Critic & Allowing Creativity To Flow (June 2020) Karen is at work on a memoir, A Letter To The Daughter I Chose Not To Have. She lives on the Southeastern Connecticut shoreline.
05:23
May 27, 2020
What does it mean to “break the cycle”?
Read my essay in O Magazine about the lessons I learned from my stepchildren's mother as she was dying ~~~ I am hosting a special community project in the month of June. The Mother Lode: A Conversation About Emotions, Power & Creativity is a free month-long event in which 20 women will share their stories about what they've learned (or didn't learn) from their mothers about emotion, power, and creativity, and how they use what they learned in support of their work in the world. Learn more and join us by subscribing here.   ~~~ Don't forget to send me your questions. I will answer them in an upcoming episode, anonymously, of course.  You can also click the +Message button on the podcast homepage to send me a recorded comment or question.  Subscribe to my email Love Notes. ~~~ Karen C.L. Anderson is a writer, author, and master-certified life coach who helps women use the troubled relationships they have with their mothers and/or daughters as a catalyst for growth, leadership, wisdom, and creativity. She is the author of: After (The Before & After) (2011) The Peaceful Daughter’s Guide To Separating From A Difficult Mother (2015…no longer available) Difficult Mothers, Adult Daughters, A Guide For Separation, Liberation & Inspiration (March 2018) The Difficult Mother-Daughter Relationship Journal: A Guide For Revealing and Healing Toxic Generational Patterns (January, 2020) Dear Adult Daughter, With the Emphasis On Adult (May 2020) Overcoming Creative Anxiety: Journal Prompts & Practices for Disarming Your Inner Critic & Allowing Creativity To Flow (June 2020) Karen runs the Make It Real membership community (for women who want to “make real” the concepts in her books) and is at work on a memoir, A Letter To The Daughter I Chose Not To Have. She lives on the Southeastern Connecticut shoreline.
07:03
May 20, 2020
Does “doing the work” mean you eventually realize it was your fault all along?
I am hosting a special community project in the month of June. The Mother Lode: A Conversation About Emotions, Power & Creativity is a free month-long event in which 20 women will share their stories about what they've learned (or didn't learn) from their mothers about emotion, power, and creativity, and how they use what they learned in support of their work in the world. Learn more and join us by subscribing here. ~~~ Don't forget to send me your questions. I will answer them in an upcoming episode, anonymously, of course.  You can also click the +Message button on the podcast homepage to send me a recorded comment or question.  Subscribe to my email Love Notes. ~~~ Karen C.L. Anderson is a writer, author, and master-certified life coach who helps women use the troubled relationships they have with their mothers and/or daughters as a catalyst for growth, leadership, wisdom, and creativity. She is the author of: After (The Before & After) (2011) The Peaceful Daughter’s Guide To Separating From A Difficult Mother (2015…no longer available) Difficult Mothers, Adult Daughters, A Guide For Separation, Liberation & Inspiration (March 2018) The Difficult Mother-Daughter Relationship Journal: A Guide For Revealing and Healing Toxic Generational Patterns (January, 2020) Dear Adult Daughter, With the Emphasis On Adult (May 2020) Overcoming Creative Anxiety: Journal Prompts & Practices for Disarming Your Inner Critic & Allowing Creativity To Flow (June 2020) Karen runs the Make It Real membership community (for women who want to “make real” the concepts in her books) and is at work on a memoir, A Letter To The Daughter I Chose Not To Have. She lives on the Southeastern Connecticut shoreline.
05:51
May 15, 2020
A way to eradicate needless shame
What stops you from being willing to love yourself unconditionally? What are the conditions (if any) under which you allow yourself to love yourself? What would it take to love yourself unconditionally, not "in spite of" or "no matter what" or "even though" but simply because of who you are and because you deserve your own unconditional love? Make yourself an "I love myself BECAUSE..." list but instead of listing positive things….the things you think make you worthy of love, include all the things you would normally say "I am ashamed of myself because..." or "I feel guilty because..." or "I am bad because…"). ~~~ Don't forget to send me your questions. I will answer them in an upcoming episode, anonymously, of course.  You can also click the +Message button on the podcast homepage to send me a recorded comment or question.  Subscribe to my email Love Notes. ~~~ Karen C.L. Anderson is a writer, author, and master-certified life coach who helps women use the troubled relationships they have with their mothers and/or daughters as a catalyst for growth, leadership, wisdom, and creativity. She is the author of: After (The Before & After) (2011) The Peaceful Daughter’s Guide To Separating From A Difficult Mother (2015…no longer available) Difficult Mothers, Adult Daughters, A Guide For Separation, Liberation & Inspiration (March 2018) The Difficult Mother-Daughter Relationship Journal: A Guide For Revealing and Healing Toxic Generational Patterns (January, 2020) Dear Adult Daughter, With the Emphasis On Adult (May 2020) Overcoming Creative Anxiety: Journal Prompts & Practices for Disarming Your Inner Critic & Allowing Creativity To Flow (June 2020) Karen runs the Make It Real membership community (for women who want to “make real” the concepts in her books) and is at work on a memoir, A Letter To The Daughter I Chose Not To Have. She lives on the Southeastern Connecticut shoreline.
10:39
May 4, 2020
Boundary Myths & Tips
Don't forget to send me your questions. I will answer them in an upcoming episode, anonymously, of course.  You can also click the +Message button on the podcast homepage to send me a recorded comment or question.  Subscribe to my email Love Notes. ~~~ Karen C.L. Anderson is a writer, author, and master-certified life coach who helps women use the troubled relationships they have with their mothers and/or daughters as a catalyst for growth, leadership, wisdom, and creativity. She is the author of: After (The Before & After) (2011) The Peaceful Daughter’s Guide To Separating From A Difficult Mother (2015…no longer available) Difficult Mothers, Adult Daughters, A Guide For Separation, Liberation & Inspiration (March 2018) The Difficult Mother-Daughter Relationship Journal: A Guide For Revealing and Healing Toxic Generational Patterns (January, 2020) Dear Adult Daughter, With the Emphasis On Adult (May 2020) Overcoming Creative Anxiety: Journal Prompts & Practices for Disarming Your Inner Critic & Allowing Creativity To Flow (June 2020) Karen runs the Make It Real membership community (for women who want to “make real” the concepts in her books) and is at work on a memoir, A Letter To The Daughter I Chose Not To Have. She lives on the Southeastern Connecticut shoreline.
18:46
April 28, 2020
Going "no contact"
Debunking Myths About Estrangement  ~~~ Don't forget to send me your questions. I will answer them in an upcoming episode, anonymously, of course.  You can also click the +Message button on the podcast homepage to send me a recorded comment or question.  Subscribe to my email Love Notes. ~~~ Karen C.L. Anderson is a writer, author, and master-certified life coach who helps women use the troubled relationships they have with their mothers and/or daughters as a catalyst for growth, leadership, wisdom, and creativity. She is the author of: After (The Before & After) (2011) The Peaceful Daughter’s Guide To Separating From A Difficult Mother (2015…no longer available) Difficult Mothers, Adult Daughters, A Guide For Separation, Liberation & Inspiration (March 2018) The Difficult Mother-Daughter Relationship Journal: A Guide For Revealing and Healing Toxic Generational Patterns (January, 2020) Dear Adult Daughter, With the Emphasis On Adult (May 2020) Overcoming Creative Anxiety: Journal Prompts & Practices for Disarming Your Inner Critic & Allowing Creativity To Flow (June 2020) Karen runs the Make It Real membership community (for women who want to “make real” the concepts in her books) and is at work on a memoir, A Letter To The Daughter I Chose Not To Have. She lives on the Southeastern Connecticut shoreline.
07:10
April 25, 2020
Lima beans, anger, and accountability
We choose to acknowledge that, at one time, we were victims. We suffered. We choose not to blame ourselves and we remind ourselves that our mothers were the responsible adults at the time. Chances are our mothers were not able to take responsibility then, for a variety of reasons, and nor will they want to do so now, but that doesn’t mean we can't stop blaming ourselves. We choose now to be responsible for our own healing (which will make it easier to be accountable for our own actions). This is compassionate accountability. It is a felt experience not just an intellectual exercise. And it doesn't require forgiveness. ~~~ Don't forget to send me your questions. I will answer them in an upcoming episode, anonymously, of course.  You can also click the +Message button on the podcast homepage to send me a recorded comment or question.  Subscribe to my email Love Notes. ~~~ Karen C.L. Anderson is a writer, author, and master-certified life coach who helps women use the troubled relationships they have with their mothers and/or daughters as a catalyst for growth, empowerment, wisdom, and creativity. She is the author of: After (The Before & After) (2011) The Peaceful Daughter’s Guide To Separating From A Difficult Mother (2015…no longer available) Difficult Mothers, Adult Daughters, A Guide For Separation, Liberation & Inspiration (March 2018) The Difficult Mother-Daughter Relationship Journal: A Guide For Revealing and Healing Toxic Generational Patterns (January, 2020) Dear Adult Daughter, With the Emphasis On Adult (May 2020) Overcoming Creative Anxiety: Journal Prompts & Practices for Disarming Your Inner Critic & Allowing Creativity To Flow (June 2020) Karen runs the Make It Real membership community (for women who want to “make real” the concepts in her books) and is at work on a memoir, A Letter To The Daughter I Chose Not To Have. She lives on the Southeastern Connecticut shoreline.
13:55
April 24, 2020
How will I feel if my mother dies before we reconcile and will I be able to handle it?
The movie I mentioned: The Hollars ~~~ Don't forget to send me your questions. I will answer them in an upcoming episode, anonymously, of course. You can also click the +Message button on the podcast homepage to send me a recorded comment or question. Subscribe to my email Love Notes. ~~~ Karen C.L. Anderson is a writer, author, and master-certified life coach who helps women use the troubled relationships they have with their mothers and/or daughters as a catalyst for growth, empowerment, wisdom, and creativity. She is the author of: After (The Before & After) (2011) The Peaceful Daughter’s Guide To Separating From A Difficult Mother (2015…no longer available) Difficult Mothers, Adult Daughters, A Guide For Separation, Liberation & Inspiration (March 2018) The Difficult Mother-Daughter Relationship Journal: A Guide For Revealing and Healing Toxic Generational Patterns (January, 2020) Dear Adult Daughter, With the Emphasis On Adult (May 2020) Overcoming Creative Anxiety: Journal Prompts & Practices for Disarming Your Inner Critic & Allowing Creativity To Flow (June 2020) Karen runs the Make It Real membership community (for women who want to “make real” the concepts in her books) and is at work on a memoir, A Letter To The Daughter I Chose Not To Have. She lives on the Southeastern Connecticut shoreline.
07:11
April 20, 2020
How to deal with a jealous mother
11 Signs Your Mother Might Have Jealousy Issues (P.S. I disagree with this: "The best thing you can do is support her, point out her accomplishments") ~~~ Don't forget to send me your questions. I will answer them in an upcoming episode, anonymously, of course. ~~~ Karen C.L. Anderson is a writer, author, and master-certified life coach who helps women use the troubled relationships they have with their mothers and/or daughters as a catalyst for growth, empowerment, wisdom, and creativity. She is the author of: After (The Before & After) (2011) The Peaceful Daughter’s Guide To Separating From A Difficult Mother (2015…no longer available) Difficult Mothers, Adult Daughters, A Guide For Separation, Liberation & Inspiration (March 2018) The Difficult Mother-Daughter Relationship Journal: A Guide For Revealing and Healing Toxic Generational Patterns (January, 2020) Dear Adult Daughter, With the Emphasis On Adult (May 2020) Overcoming Creative Anxiety: Journal Prompts & Practices for Disarming Your Inner Critic & Allowing Creativity To Flow (June 2020) Karen runs the Make It Real membership community (for women who want to “make real” the concepts in her books) and is at work on a memoir, A Letter To The Daughter I Chose Not To Have. She lives on the Southeastern Connecticut shoreline.
11:59
April 20, 2020
If you’re doing everything you can to not be like your mother, listen to this
“If you have to act in a particular way to avoid being something you don’t like, you’re trapped.” ~ Debbie Ford, The Dark Side of the Light Chasers ~~~ Don't forget to send me your questions. I will answer them in an upcoming episode, anonymously, of course. ~~~ Karen C.L. Anderson is a writer, author, and master-certified life coach who helps women use the troubled relationships they have with their mothers and/or daughters as a catalyst for growth, empowerment, wisdom, and creativity. She is the author of: After (The Before & After) (2011) The Peaceful Daughter’s Guide To Separating From A Difficult Mother (2015…no longer available) Difficult Mothers, Adult Daughters, A Guide For Separation, Liberation & Inspiration (March 2018) The Difficult Mother-Daughter Relationship Journal: A Guide For Revealing and Healing Toxic Generational Patterns (January, 2020) Dear Adult Daughter, With the Emphasis On Adult (May 2020) Overcoming Creative Anxiety: Journal Prompts & Practices for Disarming Your Inner Critic & Allowing Creativity To Flow (June 2020) Karen runs the Make It Real membership community (for women who want to “make real” the concepts in her books) and is at work on a memoir, A Letter To The Daughter I Chose Not To Have. She lives on the Southeastern Connecticut shoreline.
04:24
April 18, 2020
The exact things I do when I am practicing what I preach...
...and why I bother ~~~ Don't forget to send me your questions. I will answer them in an upcoming episode, anonymously, of course. ~~~ Karen C.L. Anderson is a writer, author, and master-certified life coach who helps women use the troubled relationships they have with their mothers and/or daughters as a catalyst for growth, empowerment, wisdom, and creativity. She is the author of: After (The Before & After) (2011) The Peaceful Daughter’s Guide To Separating From A Difficult Mother (2015…no longer available) Difficult Mothers, Adult Daughters, A Guide For Separation, Liberation & Inspiration (March 2018) The Difficult Mother-Daughter Relationship Journal: A Guide For Revealing and Healing Toxic Generational Patterns (January, 2020) Dear Adult Daughter, With the Emphasis On Adult (May 2020) Overcoming Creative Anxiety: Journal Prompts & Practices for Disarming Your Inner Critic & Allowing Creativity To Flow (June 2020) Karen runs the Make It Real membership community (for women who want to “make real” the concepts in her books) and is at work on a memoir, A Letter To The Daughter I Chose Not To Have. She lives on the Southeastern Connecticut shoreline.
05:17
April 18, 2020
A brilliant quote about shedding the guilt associated with cutting family ties
I shed my guilt (of cutting family ties) when I accepted my decision on its own terms, without endlessly prosecuting old grievances, without weighing his sins against mine. Without thinking of my father I learned to accept my decision for its own sake, because of me not because of him, because I needed it not because he deserved it. It was the only way I could love him. ~ Tara Westover in her memoir, Educated ~~~ Don't forget to send me your questions. I will answer them in an upcoming episode, anonymously, of course. ~~~ Karen C.L. Anderson is a writer, author, and master-certified life coach who helps women use the troubled relationships they have with their mothers and/or daughters as a catalyst for growth, empowerment, wisdom, and creativity. She is the author of: After (The Before & After) (2011) The Peaceful Daughter’s Guide To Separating From A Difficult Mother (2015…no longer available) Difficult Mothers, Adult Daughters, A Guide For Separation, Liberation & Inspiration (March 2018) The Difficult Mother-Daughter Relationship Journal: A Guide For Revealing and Healing Toxic Generational Patterns (January, 2020) Dear Adult Daughter, With the Emphasis On Adult (May 2020) Overcoming Creative Anxiety: Journal Prompts & Practices for Disarming Your Inner Critic & Allowing Creativity To Flow (June 2020) Karen runs the Make It Real membership community (for women who want to “make real” the concepts in her books) and is at work on a memoir, A Letter To The Daughter I Chose Not To Have. She lives on the Southeastern Connecticut shoreline.
02:44
April 18, 2020
How do you make peace with the idea of never actually making peace with your mother?
~~~ Don't forget to send me your questions. I will answer them in an upcoming episode, anonymously, of course. ~~~ Karen C.L. Anderson is a writer, author, and master-certified life coach who helps women use the troubled relationships they have with their mothers and/or daughters as a catalyst for growth, empowerment, wisdom, and creativity. She is the author of: After (The Before & After) (2011) The Peaceful Daughter’s Guide To Separating From A Difficult Mother (2015…no longer available) Difficult Mothers, Adult Daughters, A Guide For Separation, Liberation & Inspiration (March 2018) The Difficult Mother-Daughter Relationship Journal: A Guide For Revealing and Healing Toxic Generational Patterns (January, 2020) Dear Adult Daughter, With the Emphasis On Adult (May 2020) Overcoming Creative Anxiety: Journal Prompts & Practices for Disarming Your Inner Critic & Allowing Creativity To Flow (June 2020) Karen runs the Make It Real membership community (for women who want to “make real” the concepts in her books) and is at work on a memoir, A Letter To The Daughter I Chose Not To Have. She lives on the Southeastern Connecticut shoreline.
04:59
April 18, 2020
A similar question from two adult daughters
Mentioned in this episode: Beyond Victim Consciousness, by Lynne Forrest ~~~ Don't forget to send me your questions. I will answer them in an upcoming episode, anonymously, of course. ~~~ Karen C.L. Anderson is a writer, author, and master-certified life coach who helps women use the troubled relationships they have with their mothers and/or daughters as a catalyst for growth, empowerment, wisdom, and creativity. She is the author of: After (The Before & After) (2011) The Peaceful Daughter’s Guide To Separating From A Difficult Mother (2015…no longer available) Difficult Mothers, Adult Daughters, A Guide For Separation, Liberation & Inspiration (March 2018) The Difficult Mother-Daughter Relationship Journal: A Guide For Revealing and Healing Toxic Generational Patterns (January, 2020) Dear Adult Daughter, With the Emphasis On Adult (May 2020) Overcoming Creative Anxiety: Journal Prompts & Practices for Disarming Your Inner Critic & Allowing Creativity To Flow (June 2020) Karen runs the Make It Real membership community (for women who want to “make real” the concepts in her books) and is at work on a memoir, A Letter To The Daughter I Chose Not To Have. She lives on the Southeastern Connecticut shoreline.
04:59
April 18, 2020
“Your freedom is more important than their anger”
“no might make them angry but it will make you free. - if no one has ever told you, your freedom is more important than their anger.” ~ Nayyirah Waheed, Salt ~~~ Don't forget to send me your questions. I will answer them in an upcoming episode, anonymously, of course. ~~~ Karen C.L. Anderson is a writer, author, and master-certified life coach who helps women use the troubled relationships they have with their mothers and/or daughters as a catalyst for growth, empowerment, wisdom, and creativity. She is the author of: After (The Before & After) (2011) The Peaceful Daughter’s Guide To Separating From A Difficult Mother (2015…no longer available) Difficult Mothers, Adult Daughters, A Guide For Separation, Liberation & Inspiration (March 2018) The Difficult Mother-Daughter Relationship Journal: A Guide For Revealing and Healing Toxic Generational Patterns (January, 2020) Dear Adult Daughter, With the Emphasis On Adult (May 2020) Overcoming Creative Anxiety: Journal Prompts & Practices for Disarming Your Inner Critic & Allowing Creativity To Flow (June 2020) Karen runs the Make It Real membership community (for women who want to “make real” the concepts in her books) and is at work on a memoir, A Letter To The Daughter I Chose Not To Have. She lives on the Southeastern Connecticut shoreline.
02:00
April 18, 2020
Dear Adult Daughter - Introduction
My name is Karen C.L. Anderson and I am an adult daughter, with the emphasis on adult. I am also the author of Difficult Mothers, Adult Daughters: A Guide For Separation, Liberation & Inspiration and The Difficult Mother-Daughter Relationship Journal: A Guide For Revealing & Healing Toxic Generational Patterns. In this podcast I answer questions from readers, tell stories, give advice, and share the tools and processes I’ve used to heal my relationship with my mother. What started out as one of the most painful aspects of my life, something I saw as permanent and forever limiting, has turned into the greatest catalyst for my growth, wisdom, creativity, and joy. I did that. I do it every day. And so can you. ~~~ On the surface, you think it’s about your mother. Underneath, where it counts, it’s about you and your self-respect, self-trust, self-agency, and self-expression. Your grown-ass-womanhood. Your power, your choice, your creativity. When you own that (and owning it is a life-long process . . . not a one-and-done-flip-of-a-switch), you will realize that no matter what the status of relationship with her, your relationship with yourself will change in ways you can’t even imagine. Don't forget to send me your questions. I will answer them in an upcoming episode, anonymously, of course.
01:55
April 18, 2020