Kristy Doesn't Know Movies
By Kristy and Zach
Kristy Doesn't Know MoviesAug 07, 2020
Holiday Special
Tune in for a very warm and heartfelt Christmas flashback highlight reel extravaganza featuring some of the best moments from the last three seasons of Kristy Doesn't Know Movies. We know you've all been very good, so hopefully this gift will tide you over until we come back. From all of us here at the show, thank you, and goodnight.
Actor Spotlight: Jack Black - Shallow Hal, Nacho Libre, Tenacious D in The Pick of Destiny & Special Guest Stalker
We did a poll on twitter where 18 people said Jack Black typecast himself. Think about it.
Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles Trilogy
Plan 9 From Outer Space, Jack and Jill & Sharknado
Wonder Woman, Justice League, Aquaman, DC Trivia & Special Guest Solicitation
In this episode we delve deeply into the DCU! Wonder Woman saves America from Poison Ivy with her invisible whip and wins World War One. The Flash is ported over from his television series to fight alongside his film counterpart, and Will Smith. The show is interrupted by a drug addled male prostitute and brother of an old "friend" of the show. Kristy tests her knowledge of the DC Universe in a pulse-pounding round of trivia, and Jason Momoa wields his phallic scepter and flashes his titties for the sad, middle-aged women of the world. Tune in!
Big Trouble in Little China, Bloodsport & Timecop
Get ready for some cheesy action movies as we take a look at three absolute bangers starring Jackie Chan, Morgan Freeman and Jean-Claude Van Damme.
American Pie, Road Trip & Nick & Norah's Infinite Playlist
Bad Video Game Movies: Super Mario Bros., Street Fighter, Mortal Kombat & Video Game Trivia!
What's up D-pads! It's time for a special, in-depth look at baaaaad video game movies! We also play our first round of trivia this season! Grab a bag of Doritos, a 6-pack of Mountain Dew and strap in, bucko!
Sister Act, Evan Almighty & The Last Temptation of Christ
We sit down with our old friend (and new bandleader) Nick, a confirmed church music director, to talk about some religious, church-related movies! Nick musically narrates Kristy as she spews forth her bitter, movie-hating assumptions. Also, more unaffiliated promotion of freemium mobile games ensues..
Actor Spotlight: Nicolas Cage - Vampire's Kiss, National Treasure & Ghost Rider
We're back! In this episode Kristy attempts to explain three "classic" Nic Cage flicks, while also pissing Zach off by shamelessly promoting freemium games that we definitely aren't getting paid to talk about. Sit back, relax and enjoy the season three premiere!
Season Finale Memorial Special
We couldn't have planned for this..
Ferris Bueller's Day Off & The Breakfast Club
A whiny teen skips school to go skateboarding in a mall while eating Dairy Queen dilly bars. The principal is hot on his trail, and finds him in an old-timey arcade playing Centipede. Also, Molly Ringwald, Matt Dillon and Marky-Mark touch on the human condition in this existential, minimalist film adored by millions.
Jason Bourne Retrospective Part Two: The Bourne Ultimatum, The Bourne Legacy & Jason Bourne
The conclusion to our two part Matt Damon / Jason Bourne retrospective! Jeremy Renner makes an appearance as an out-of-place hacker, Matt Damon teams up with a cast of colorful characters in order to finally get to the bottom of why he can't remember anything, ever.
The Fifth Element, Avatar & Special Guest Trivia!
We were drinking heavily for hours before recording this one, so bear with us! Stick and poke tattoos, sewer cult people, brain meat, oh my! Leeloo confronts a shady government out to stop her from using the power of her mind! Blue people do.. something.. with Butt Birds! We play a fast paced round of trivia with our friend Pam, too! Woohoo!
Jason Bourne Retrospective Part One: The Bourne Identity, The Bourne Supremacy & Matt Damon Trivia!
The first part of a two part Matt Damon/Jason Bourne retrospective! Kristy is a self-proclaimed Matt Damon expert and all-around #DamonDweeb, so it should come as no surprise that she totally butchers these movies. Sit back, grab some popcorn and enjoy!
The Return: Happy Gilmore & The Terminator
Mid-Season Finale Stoner Comedy Extravaganza & Special Guest Revelation
It's the mid-season finale spectacular! Listen in amazement as Kristy vibes on some of the most mellow stoner comedies to hit the big screen, bro! This probably would've fared better back in April for 4/20, but we don't have to play by anybody's rules. Time is only a man-made construct, and, like, we do what we want, man! Longtime friend of the show and experienced data consultant Ken (a/k/a "M.K") also calls in with some alarming and revelatory information regarding the future of the show. See you again soon!
Die Hard & Jurassic Park
There can be only one true Matt Damon aficionado. Unfortunately, it isn't any actual "real" fan of his. It happens to be a certain co-host of this very show. We also take a much needed vacation on Dinosaur Island.
Forrest Gump, The Shawshank Redemption & No Country For Old Men
A lonely man recounts fake stories that are totally made-up, Morgan Freeman welcomes friends to prison with a smile and warm voice, and another Quentin Tarantino(?) disaster is explored!
KISS Meets the Phantom of the Park, Mamma Mia! Here We Go Again & WHATCHOOSAY!? #1
A nice, somewhat wealthy, disfigured and stealthy homeless man living in a park is framed by a murderer! Highly paid rock band KISS step in and save the day so he can find true love and slow dance. A woman expresses her pregnancy through flashy song and dance numbers! We play the first game of WHATCHOOSAY!?
The Lord of the Rings Trilogy & Special Guest Apology
Elijah Wood just wants to chill and eat breakfast, but gets sucked into a convoluted plot involving yellow brick roads, too many RPG party members and delivering jewelry to a volcano to get rich quick in a Cash-4-Gold scheme. The good name of the show is untarnished during a Special Guest apology.
Batman, Batman Returns & Special Celebrity Guest Trivia!
An 80's punk-rocker (Adam West) creates the precursor to 'Live P.D' while brooding in a cave, The Penguin is frozen like a DiGiorno™ pizza (the joke honestly never lands), and a very special celebrity guest calls in to play some Bat Trivia!
Actor Spotlight: Patrick Swayze - Dirty Dancing, Road House & Crazy Swayze Trivia!
Patrick Swayze is a lot of people's "go-to" movie guy, but what if we told you he was only in two movies? The legacy of the grizzled bar-owner-bouncer-dancer lives on! Kristy's 'Dirty Dancing' knowledge is also put to the test!
Labyrinth, Pan's Labyrinth & More Trivia!
David Bowie stars as the Troll King, who lives in some sort of weird world where he dances, wears makeup and steals children. The comedic "sequel" starring Kevin James is also explored, and we play more annoying trivia! Woohoo!
The Exorcist, The Shining & Movie Trivia!
Grab your crucifix and gather 'round to hear the tale of the ghost that never reached it's full potential! Oh no! Find out why it's always better to fake your own death than it is to take an axe to your family! We play a couple rounds of Movie Trivia too!
Trivia Trainwreck! (04/06/20)
Rapid-fire trivia bonus episode! Kristy's mind is blown because some questions are Disney-related! But then, in a shocking twist, her mind is double-blown because some questions are really, really obscure, and only losers would know the answers! Featuring the heavily annoying soundboard samplings of Zach! Lay back, tuck in, oil up and enjoy the CHAOS!
Taxi Driver, Pulp Fiction & The Godfather
We're back in our first episode of 2020! Buckle up as Danny DeVito and Matt Damon do drug runs in 'Taxi Driver', Matt Damon and Matt Damon star in 'Pulp Fiction', and The Godfather (also Matt Damon) makes you an offer you can't refuse! It's a Damon-centric episode for all you #DamonDweebs out there!
The Star Wars Cinematic Universe
In this extra long episode Kristy attempts to piece together the entirety of the main Star Wars film franchise, while Zach attempts to keep his soul from spilling out of his Jar-Jar shaped wound. See you again soon!
Ricki and the Flash & The Devil Wears Prada
Gasp! The tables have turned! A garage band record a demo with Zac Efron and barge straight into Virgin Records where billionaire playboy Richard Branson barbecues hotdogs in Ricki and the Flash. Also, a sly club girl finds trouble in all the wrong places in The Devil Wears Prada.
Back to the Future Trilogy
Rick and Morty or Doc and Marty? Lines are blurred and four separate fates intertwine in a time-traveling trifecta that encompasses one original movie, and two that didn't really need to exist.
2001: A Space Odyssey, Gladiator & Beetlejuice
David Bowie once wrote a song called Space Oddity. Who knew how much influence it would have over one woman's opinion of a certain 1968 Stanley Kubrick masterpiece. A buff Tom Hanks gets oiled up in Gladiator and Beetlejuice is also explored. Tune in!
Fast and Furious, Joe Dirt & Men in Black
Car go fast. A phrase we've heard all too much. Also, David Spade uses Adam Sandler's patented hot-scene-with-me-and-a-woman writing technique, and Will Smith teams up with Alec Baldwin(?) to do alien stuff.
Indiana Jones Trilogy
Glorified grave robbing! Shia LaBeouf! Snakes! Why did it have to be snakes?!
Zoolander, E.T & Howard the Duck
Kristy takes a few eerily accurate guesses about Zoolander. E.T's amusement park origin as well as a non-MCU Marvel movie are discussed.
Angels in the Outfield, Big Momma's House & Bruce Almighty
Kristy tells the tale of Macaulay Culkin, Eddie Murphy and a movie she might have actually seen.
I, Robot, Inception & Fight Club
Was it Will Smith, or Will Ferrell? Was it a dream within a dream, or was the dream itself being dreamt? Also, Fight Club!
Top Gun, Titanic & The Waterboy
Kristy takes a stab at Top Gun, Titanic and The Waterboy, much to Zach's dismay. Find out who really starred alongside Cold War pilot Tom Cruise, why it's always important to check that you have both VHS tapes for Titanic, and how to get kissed using Adam Sandler's writing technique.