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Can't Get Enough of Keanu

Can't Get Enough of Keanu

By Patrick (H) Willems
"Can't Get Enough of Keanu" follows hosts Patrick Willems, Matt Torpey, and Jake Torpey as they explore the filmography of the ageless and inimitable movie star, Keanu Reeves. A new series from the folks who brought you "We Heart Hartnett."
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Valley of the Gods
Retaining our previous form as WHH, we venture into "The Valley of the Gods" by Lech Majewski, respected Polish director and video artist the boys have absolutely no priors with. And so, as if from the void, comes this strange art film that Pat and Jake found pleasantly surprising, Matt not so much. Josh plays John Ecas, a frustrated copywriter and would-be novelist freshly cuckolded by his wife's hang gliding instructor and in the midst of an existential meltdown. What we get from this is a *groan* "tone poem" of sorts as reality and fiction blend and John Ecas, through the creative act of writing (?), achieves escape from his own mind. High points are The Richest Man in the World played by John Malkovich and his absurd palace, and the weird interweaving of Navajo mythology resulting in someone fucking and impregnating a mountain. Intrigued? Press play and we'll explain!
September 23, 2020
Most Wanted / Target Number One
We're doing another cheeky switch-em-up and putting on our other hat as We Heart Hartnett to cover Josh's latest: Most Wanted (2020), a journalism thriller with twin timelines, based on a true story (with some dramatization ;-)) directed by Daniel Roby. An extremis Quebecois junkie  named Daniel Leger (Antoine Olivier Pilon) gets embroiled in a power play between small-time crook Glen Picker (Jim Gaffigan) and some crooked cops at the RCMP looking for an easy drug bust to justify their budget. This ultimately lands Leger in a Thai prison. And the only one who cares? You guessed it! Sexy, intrepid, righteous reporter Victor Malarek (Hartnett). It's a solid movie and the best we've seen from Josh in a WHILE. Listen up. See if you agree.
September 16, 2020
The Lake House (w/ Kendra James)
And now…a time travel episode. In October 2019, Kendra James joined the boys to discuss a film starring Keanu and Sandra Bullock and a time traveling mailbox. The episode was scheduled to drop in April 2020, and so a lot of time was spent trying to predict what would be happening in the future. Some predictions were correct! Most were totally wrong! It’s a loopy episode and boy oh boy it is weird to listen to it now! Time travel!
September 8, 2020
Bill & Ted Face the Music
The boys are back and discussing Keanu's latest, "Bill and Ted Face The Music." Look, we're a little rusty and it maybe took us a bit to get to the film, but we DO get there. Jake and Matt annoy Patrick their opinions and...should nicecore even be a description of something? Either way, all agree this was a nice movie and the bonhomie of Bill and Ted lives on, even in their progeny. 
September 2, 2020
The Matrix
Ok folks, we've reached it. The big one. The crucial juncture. The Matrix (1999)! What to really say about this film? We live in a simulation created by machines in order to keep us blind to our captivity and usefulness merely as an energy supply for said machines. As a metaphor, consistently apropos. And if you haven't seen this film and are listening to this podcast you are a statistical outlier. Mostly the brothers Torpey give Patrick the space he needs to wax poetic about one of the biggest films of his young life. This is another long one, as we anticipated it being from the beginning. And that's good since we've burned through our banked episodes from our previous hiatus and there is a distinct lack of addressing certain "current affairs." So enjoy this nice long conversation about a seminal movie in Keanu's career that's deservedly praised and rad as hell.
April 7, 2020
The Devil's Advocate (w/ Scott Thomas)
Big episode, big movie, big acting! Scott Thomas returns to join us for "The Devil's Advocate" (1997). Keanu plays hotshot Florida criminal defense attorney Kevin Lomax, who ain't never lost a case. His bona fides (as well as a preternatural ability to choose a jury) get him an offer at a prestigious firm in NYC. There, Kevin and his young wife (Charlize Theron) are given a lavish parkside Manhattan apartment and go up a great many tax brackets. But could this have been....a deal with the DEVIL? Obviously we're all here for one of the great big Pacino roles of his career as John Milton, head of said firm. For whichever stragglers have not seen this I'll keep it spoiler-free, but obviously it all goes to shit. Pacino is surprisingly quiet and sinister in this, rising into a fiery crescendo only at the end. We discuss the lamentable decline of the big-budget "high concept" drama, and take many, many tangents. In the words of John Milton (the fictional one of this film): live deliciously.
March 31, 2020
The Last Time I Committed Suicide
"The Last Time I Committed Suicide" (1997) by Stephen Kay. This one's about Neal Cassady (played by Thomas Jane), muse of the beat writers, amphetamine popping driver of The Merry Pranksters, during maybe the most boring part of his life, rendered duller still by being treated so reverently. A young Neal is listless and dissatisfied in small-town Colorado, working at a tire factory and trying to suss out life's mysteries. These mainly consist of what type of girl is better to have sex with: The suicidal brunette Joan (Claire Forlani) or bubbly blond nympho Mary (Gretchen Mol), ultimately choosing neither. Adrian Brody appears as Neal's friend and Allen Ginsberg analog Ben. Our dude Keanu (who put on weight for the role!) is the believably sleazy barfly Harry. The whole movie is based on a letter between Cassady and Kerouac, and that feels about right since this is meagre fare. Almost like something written by someone on speed in their twenties and translated to a feature film.
March 24, 2020
Feeling Minnesota
Coming to you from an undisclosed bunker, bug out bags stocked, armed and ready. The show must go on! Content dispatch episode 29 "Feeling Minnesota" (1996) by director Steve Baigelman. It certainly feels like the product of a young mind; all the preoccupation with sex and criminality is there, violence as punctuation mark. What this film DOES have is a stacked cast who --most of them--manage to squeeze some drama and pathos from this script. Freddie (Cameron Diaz) is being forced by crime boss Red (Delroy Lindo) to marry his crooked bookkeeper Sam Clayton (Vincent D'Onofrio), until Clayton's brother Jjaks (Keanu Reeves) shows up. Freddie and Jjaks immediately fuck at the wedding and run off with Sam's money...the very money he stole from Red in order to force the marriage with Freddie! Yikes! What ensues is a comedy of errors and needless violence. Look, it's not great, but D'Onofrio is a national treasure and what else is your quarantined ass gonna do to pass the time?
March 17, 2020
Chain Reaction
We break our deafening silence with "Chain Reaction" (1996) by Andrew Davis. Eddie Kasalivich (Keanu) is an idealistic young scientist who finds a source of unlimited hydrogen energy by playing music to water or something. Unfortunately Eddie and his team are secretly funded by the deep state and it's chosen representative,  the coldly pragmatic Paul Shannon (Morgan Freeman), who wants this revolutionary tech for himself and those he works for. What ensues is a real meat-and-potatoes chase thriller in which Keanu and Rachel Weisz are the loose ends everyone wants dead. It's dumb. It's expensive. Enjoy the episode and go watch "The Fugitive".
March 10, 2020
Inherit the Viper
It's Josh round 2 with Inherit The Viper, notable for being the first movie of his we've seen in the theaters since the naughty aughties. Our boy plays Kip Conley, one of 3 remaining members of the Conley clan, with some reservations about inheriting his criminal father's "business" as a local dealer in painkillers to a ravaged post-industrial town. It's a competent little thriller about the opioid crisis with a sometimes hack script and an unclear point of view. Doubt this will take down Purdue and the Sackler family, but at least Josh is delivering. 
January 14, 2020
She's Missing
It's the triumphant return of WE HEART HARTNETT! It's also a return to Josh's late-career output with the very boring She's Missing, written and directed by Alexandra Mcguiness. A young woman named Heidi goes searching for her friend Jane, who appears to have become embroiled in a peyote cult led by Josh. This sounds cool and is not. We think it's, like, a commentary of some sort? Listen and decide for yourself!
January 7, 2020
Babes in Toyland
Merry Christmas! This week we’re jumping back to the beginning of Keanu’s career to discuss the made-for-TV film Babes in Toyland, in which our dude co-stars with a young Drew Barrymore. Together they sing songs about the great city of Cincinnati, travel to a magical land of toys, and get framed for the crime of grand cookie larceny. It’s a short episode because time is tight around the holidays, but the boys are drinking Corona Light so you know it’s a good time!
December 24, 2019
A Walk in the Clouds
This week: now that Keanu is a full-fledged leading man, it’s time to star in a sweeping, romantic period piece. He teams up with Alfonso Arau, hot off the success of Like Water for Chocolate, to make A Walk in the Clouds, in which our dude plays the nicest soldier in the world, who returns from World War II and finds new meaning in life by hanging out with a Mexican family who owns a vineyard. All this plus classic stories about Jake and Matt’s dad!
December 17, 2019
Johnny Mnemonic (w/ Gita Jackson)
William Gibson, largely considered the first cyberpunk author you read as a teenager according to an objective study, adapts his own short story with 1995's JOHNNY MNEMONIC, directed by Robert Longo! Our dude plays the titular Johnny, a data courier in a corporate dystopia where we are at once inundated with data to the point of illness, and denied anything not approved by aforementioned corporations. A real murderers row of stars here: Ice T, Henry Rollins, Dolph Lundgren and Takeshi Kitano. Johnny finds himself in a deal gone wrong with a whopping 320GB stored in his 160GB capacity brain. Thus commences a ticking clock until complete cerebral meltdown where Johnny learns to make friends and stick it to Big Pharma. Joining us is Gita Jackson (Kotaku), who teams up with Patrick to steer things towards The Matrix constantly. This is a fun film, all style without substance, but GREAT style. Watch Electric Dragon 80,000V or Tetsuo The Iron Man if you haven't and you like this shit. Cheers.
December 10, 2019
Speed (w/ Andy Webb)
Reeves, Hopper, Bullock, Daniels, Morton, Jan de Bont at the mf helm, winner of 1995's Academy Award for best sound editing/mixing: it's SPEED (1994)! This is a big one for our boy, setting him up as a bona fide action star as LAPD SWAT member Jack Traven (more like Jacked Traven right?!). Hopper plays Howard Payne, disgruntled ex bomb squad who honestly just wants his damn pension, even if it entails elaborate extortion games with explosive-rigged speedometers. Hapless commuter Annie (Sandra Bullock) and Jack vibe under the highly erotic threat of possible death. Vehicular mayhem ensues and if you don't already know the conceit of this one then that's sad and I won't spoil it here. Guest Andy Webb returns to help us discuss da freakin' bus that couldn't slow down! Strap in.
December 3, 2019
Little Buddha
This week it's Little Buddha (1993), by Bernardo Bertolucci. Every now and then you run into these films by critically lauded directors tackling some large philosophical/theological/metaphysical theme and it just ends up....hollow. That's this! And it's for kids supposedly. Tibetan monks go to Seattle in search of the reincarnation of their old Buddhist teacher lama Dorje, seeing him in the person of Jesse Konrad, a little blond bowlcutted(?) boy. His parents are passive nothings. Eventually Jesse goes to Bhutan with his dad and meets other vessels for lama Dorje. Nothing really comes of it. Keanu plays the Buddha in a fascinatingly weird case of miscasting. Even visual wizard Vittorio Storaro can't save it. It's too long. Not fun to watch, but fun to pick apart.
November 26, 2019
Even Cowgirls Get the Blues
Hey now! Keanu's second collab with the talented Mr. Gus Van Sant; This time we have the mystifying and often incoherent Tom Robbins adaptation of "Even Cowgirls Get the Blues", a surreal tale of one Sissy Hankshaw (played by Uma Thurman), a huge rubber-thumbed hitchhiking savant who feels it's her destiny to forever remain a nomadic free-wheeling spirit; that is, until she get's embroiled in a strange political battle at the Rubber Rose Ranch, an escalating plotline involving liberational Cowgirls, drugged-out Cranes, and literal douche bags. It makes almost no sense. Keanu has asthma and is pretty funny in it, though :)
November 19, 2019
We have a very special objet d'art here with 1993's "Freaked." Directed by none other than Bill S. Preston Esq. (Alex Winter) himself, who also stars and helped write the film! Winter plays celebrity simpleton Ricky Coogin who is hired by the Everything Except Shoes corporation to put a pretty face on a bad PR problem: claims they're fertilizer Zygrot 24 is wildly toxic. Hilarity ensues. This cult classic was basically strangled in it's crib for claims of being too weird. We've got Brooke Shields, Mr. T, Randy Quaid, Rastafarian eyeballs, music by The Butthole Surfers and an uncredited role by our dude Keanu which I will not spoil here. Have a listen!
November 12, 2019
Much Ado About Nothing (w/ Rachel Schenk)
The Bard doth speak in the immoderate winds of galvanic plenitude most loquacious by familiar visages's our episode on Much Ado About Nothing by Billy Shakes. We are joined for this pithy, digression-heavy episode by Rachel Schenk (@IAMRachelSchenk), who once played the role our very dude plays, Don John, the villain! We discuss Kenneth Branagh's career, do a southern-accented Joker character, and attempt to tackle this adaptation of heavy literary material which stretches the abilities of your dummy philistine hosts. So sit back, fold clothes or do some chores or whatever. This is a long one. Don John is a man of few words, we are not.
November 5, 2019
Bram Stoker's Dracula
Hello boils and ghouls, we have a nice long (they're all long tbh) Halloween spooktacular for y'all: Bram Stoker's Dracula (1992)! We have a Halloween soundboard and everything! This needs very little introduction; it's the classic Dracula story with the major addition of a romance between the titular count (Gary Oldman) and Mina Harker (Winona Ryder), maybe involving reincarnation (?). As far as Keanu's legacy this is maybe most famous for saddling him forever with the popular idea that he's a stiff, wooden actor who is "bad." Now, is this performance labored? Yes. Is he clearly JUST struggling to deliver lines in something resembling an English accent and still failing half the time while forgetting to ACT in the process? Maybe. But for real it's not that bad and otherwise this movie is a visually sumptuous masterpiece and a must-see, not just for horror fans, with extremely memorable performances. Get on it and happy Halloween!
October 29, 2019
My Own Private Idaho
Who's ready for some Gus Van Sant and his laugh riot exploration of longing and search for human connection? It's My Own Private Idaho this week, a film about male street hustlers constructed from three separate creative endeavors (including an adaptation of Shakespeare's Henry IV) into a surprisingly coherent and moving art house hit. River Pheonix plays Mike, the emotional focal point of the film, prostitute, former ward of the state and hapless narcoleptic. Mike is in love with Scott (our dude Keanu), scion of a wealthy family, who is essentially LARPing as an impoverished person with no options, knowing full well he will claim his birthright and leave his "friends."
October 22, 2019
Bill & Ted's Bogus Journey (w/ Adam Lance Garcia)
This week's episode is a beefy one: Bill and Ted's Bogus Journey (1991). Adam Lance Garcia (WIRED) joins us to discuss the second installment in the adventures of Ted Theodore Logan (Keanu) and Bill S. Preston Esq. (Alex Winter). We crush Twitter beef, veer all over the place and speculate on B&T's upcoming 2020 elaboration on their universe. This movie really blows open the door's further, having Bill and Ted journey through heaven and hell to secure the safety of their maiden babe wives and defeat evil robot versions of themselves. There's an alien named Station with a huge ass. Wyld stuff.
October 15, 2019
Point Break (w/ Michael Curran)
The prodigal son returns! Lost scion and Philly jawn Michael Curran joins us to discuss Point Break (1991), Kathryn Bigelow's action masterwork about two men obsessed with each other: Fresh-faced agent Johnny Utah (Keanu Reeves) and the sexily charismatic surf guru/bank robber, Bodhi (Patrick Swayze). We also have Utah's partner Angelo Pappas, played by an unhinged Gary Busey fresh from a serious motorcycle accident which hurt his brain! It's the best. The Red Hot Chili Peppers are in this because they love California. So is Lori Petty as love interest Tyler, but we all know where the real romance lies. The boys all agree Johnny Utah is a dogshit FBI agent.
October 8, 2019
Tune in Tomorrow...
This week's ep is about Tune In Tomorrow (1990). What to say here? It's an adaptation of the somewhat autobiographical novel Aunt Julia and the Scriptwriter by Mario Vargas Llosa, but set in New Orleans in 1951. Keanu plays Martin, a young radio writer with an incestuous infatuation with his aunt, an older woman who isn't connected by blood, so it's, like, incest lite. And yes, this means he takes a stab at a Cajun accent and it leaves much to be desired. This movie is a bit of a mess, and even Peter Falke, powerhouse that he is as Pedro the visionary soap opera schlock writer, cannot save it. Also, I don't think we know what magical realism is. What is it?
October 1, 2019
I Love You to Death
This week's episode is I Love You to Death (1989). Inspired by a true story, philanderer and Italian stereotype Joey Boca (Kevin Kline) cannot keep the sausage in his pants, breaking the heart of his dedicated wife Rosalie (Tracy Ullman). Thus a murder plot is hatched, involving Rosalie, her mother, Devo (River Pheonix), and our dude, Keanu, as a heroin addict looking to raise some drug money. This one goes hard on Italians, indomitable creatures of sauce-based appetites. So be warned. Xoxox
September 24, 2019
It's 1989 and we're talking Parenthood, the Ron Howard dramedy that arguably birthed Steve Martin's current reputation as suburban America's humorously exasperated white-haired dad. Gil (Martin) is just trying to be the best dad he can be, but his overwrought, neurotic son is throwing a wrench into the works of his fatherly self-image. Meanwhile, a satellite of other stories involving the members of his multigenerational family orbits Gil's own, tackling a surprising number of issues related to the trials and tribulations of parenting. Overall a solid film with a stacked cast reviewed by your beloved hosts who, it must be said, are without children. Obviously.
September 17, 2019
Bill & Ted's Excellent Adventure (w/ Griffin Newman)
Y'all were waiting for it: Bill and Ted's Excellent Adventure (1989). We're joined by special guest Griffin Newman (The Tick) as a proselytizer for all things Bill and Ted. Two San Dimas simpletons must time travel to avoid flunking their history exams or else be separated, thus destroying any chance for the future utopia they engender via their apparently transcendent music as rock group Wyld Stallions, an as yet a purely aspirational venture. But most of you dudes already knew that. Party on for the good of us all!
September 10, 2019
Dangerous Liaisons
This week: we enter the lascivious intrigue-laden world of 18th century French aristocracy with Dangerous Liaisons (1988). Bored socialites John Malkovich and Glenn Close enact psychosexual revenge on various friends and family in an attempt to navigate the love and repulsion they feel for one another. Our dude Keanu plays an innocent fresh-faced music teacher  and gets into a duel. Naturally everyone gets their comeuppance. Plus we read a negative iTunes review of the show which we definitely don't even care about at all.
September 3, 2019
The Prince of Pennsylvania
This week, Keanu gets an extremely dumb haircut and decides to kidnap his coal-mining dad (Fred Ward) in 1988’s The Prince of Pennsylvania. Patrick, Jake, and Matt try to diagnose where this movie went wrong, while also covering important topics like Jake’s brief childhood modern dance career, the Torpeys’ recent trip to Croatia, and the Rugrats and Wild Thornberries movies.
August 27, 2019
Permanent Record
This week, Patrick, Jake, and Matt do their best to keep the mood light while discussing 1988's Permanent Record, a movie that deals with the difficult subject of teen suicide. Keanu is Chris, the wacky best friend who gets thrust into the lead role when David (Alan Boyce) tragically takes his own life. This episode tries to make sense of a movie that veers from wacky comedy to searing drama while also answering questions like: why isn't podcast pornography a thing? What jobs did Matt work in 2012? And do the Torpeys actually know the premise of the show 13 Reasons Why?
August 20, 2019
The Night Before
This week it's 1988's The Night Before.  Winston Connelly (Keanu) wakes up in an alley wearing a dirty tuxedo and must recollect how he got there, and where the heck is his prom date, Tara Mitchell (Lori Loughlin)?!! AND the police chief is her DAD?!!! Who's Tito?? Honestly this is a pretty solid 80s flick with a very high energy turn from Keanu and a cameo by George Clinton and Parliament Funkadelic, bearing a classic lesson for the era: if you're a horny nerd, put yourself and your crush in danger, black out on drugs, sell them into sexual slavery, then save them right at the last minute in a sexy act of bravery. Easy!
August 13, 2019
Toy Story 4
This week: part 4 of the Toy Quartet. The toys have learned to die, what's left but to learn how to live? Our boy is Canadian action figure Duke Caboom, and the tragicomic figure of Forky sparks a theological discussion. Choose life.
August 6, 2019
Always Be My Maybe (w/ Sophia Park)
This week: we warp forward to 2019 again to cover the Netflix original romantic comedy Always Be My Maybe, starring Ali Wong and Randall Park. Childhood friends Sasha (Wong) and Marcus (Park) have not spoken to each other since some friend-ruiningly awkward, post-funeral car sex as teenagers. Now adults, their lives having radically diverged, and they meet again to fulfill their romcom destinies. It's a genre film that competently runs its paces, but the lynchpin is KEANU, playing against type and catalyzing said romantic destiny with a game of "apocalyptic" charades. Featuring special guest Sophia Park to offer some much needed perspective on Asian representation within the genre of romantic comedies, as well as Ali Wong's reclamation of Keanu Reeves as an Asian actor. Join us, won't you? 
July 30, 2019
This week: Keanu is in this movie for like a collective minute and a half, so we HAD to watch 1986's intensely homoerotic "Youngblood." Hunks and hockey and following your dreams is the formula here, another disappointingly disjointed attempt at a teen sports movie. I mean, at least there're some highly symmetrical heavy hitters in here: Keanu, Patrick Swayze and (a very stilted) Rob Lowe as the titular Dean Youngblood, along with Cynthia Gibb. Most importantly, however, is that this film marks the first appearance of Swayze and Keanu together onscreen. Humble beginnings. 
July 23, 2019
River's Edge
This week: part 2 in what will be known henceforth as "The 1986 Trilogy," the surprisingly solid and underseen River's Edge. Inspired in part by the 1981 murder of Marcy Renee Conrad, it tells a tale of anomie and moral turpitude among a group of teens in northern California. Keanu plays Matt, looking appropriately scuzzy. Dennis Hopper is in it, and there's a pretty memorable turn from Crispin Glover which the hosts are divided on liking. We all agree Tim needs a good punch in the face though. 
July 16, 2019
Flying / Dream to Believe / Teenage Dream
This week: we warp back in time to cover 1986's Flying, AKA Dream to Believe, AKA Teenage Dream, wherein young gymnastics hopeful Robin (Olivia d'Abo) tries to make her local team despite a prior knee injury and living in dreary Buffalo, NY! Our boy is in a kind of 'Ducky' role here, the ever supportive dude who it's so obvious is right for Robin. This one's kind of all over the shop folks, like a leering John Hughes doing Flashdance type of thing.
July 9, 2019
John Wick Chapter 3: Parabellum
 This week, Patrick, Jake, and Matt reach the end of the John Wick trilogy, with JOHN WICK CHAPTER 3: PARABELLUM, Keanu’s biggest hit in years. They discuss the evolution of the franchise, how it manages to keep topping itself, Keanu’s place in the landscape of modern action cinema...and also go on an extended tangent about award-winning musician Enya. Contains spoilers for the 2019 film Tell It to the Bees.
July 2, 2019
John Wick Chapter 2 (w/ Siddhant Adlakha)
This week: John Wick is back, and so is guest Siddhant Adlakha (Polygon, Village Voice). He joins Patrick and the Brothers Torpey to discuss the second installment in the Wick saga, as well as important topics like Hannah Montana, Indian film censorship, and…who is Mortdecai anyway?
June 25, 2019
John Wick
The journey through Keanu's career begins, unexpectedly, with a look at one of his more recent iconic roles: the grieving, dog-loving murder machine: John Wick. In the show's inaugural episode, Patrick, Jake, and Matt revisit Chad Stahelski's modern action classic, and explore what it meant for action cinema, and more importantly, for Keanu himself.
June 18, 2019
Episode 0 - Can't Get Enough of Keanu
They're back! Finally! Patrick, Jake, and Matt reunite for a brief introductory episode to answer the important questions: what is this podcast, why are they doing it, and most importantly...why Keanu Reeves?
June 17, 2019
The Big Emotional Final Episode
It’s the final episode of We Heart Hartnett (for now), so that means it’s time for Big P and the Brothers T to finally answer the most important questions: what are Josh’s best and worst movies? What sort of films do we want to see him in? What did we learn from this whole weird experience. And…does Jake know what sort of music the Max Rebo Band plays?
November 20, 2018
Josh's Short Films, TV Appearances, & Commercials
It’s the penultimate episode of We Heart Hartnett! This week, Patrick, Jake and Matt, having watched all of Josh’s feature films, dig deeper, discussing his short films, TV appearances, and even his TV commercials. It’s the final level of obsessive Hartnett analysis, taking this podcast further than probably anyone wanted.
November 13, 2018
6 Below: Miracle on the Mountain
After months filled with twists and turns, ups and downs, this week the podcast finally reaches the end of Josh Hartnett’s filmography…or at least his most recent movie. Patrick, Jake, and Matt hit the slopes to discuss the snowboarding survival drama 6 BELOW, and with it enter new territory: the recent phenomenon of the faith-based film. They explore this, as well as topics like whether the show Entourage was ever good, the return of Penny Dreadful, and the recent film FUN MOM DINNER.
November 6, 2018
Oh Lucy!
After weeks and months of frustration and disappointment, Patrick, Jake and Matt FINALLY arrive at the movie they’ve been waiting almost a year for. It’s time for OH LUCY! the best film Josh has made in a long, long time. Beyond an in-depth discussion of the film, they also find time to discuss the Merovingian from the Matrix sequels, a potential Riddick decalog, hot takes on binge watching, the band Everclear, PLUS a drinking game for this podcast!
October 30, 2018
The Ottoman Lieutenant
This week, Josh travels back to World War I in what might be the lowest-grossing movie of his career: The Ottoman Lieutenant. But other than this boring movie, we cover such important topics as: which host is the Gollum of the group, the MTV Movie Awards Matrix Reloaded parody, the exact definitions of holocaust and genocide. Plus: more about our pitch for Patriot Pictures.
October 23, 2018
Wild Horses
Matt is back! And just in time to talk about the modern western crime drama WILD HORSES, written directed by Robert Duvall. The movie is bad and boring, so a lot of time is spent discussing other topics, such as: nu-metal, the VOD film market, and our pitch for a low-budget action drama film called Delivery.
October 16, 2018
Notes On Our Josh Journey So Far (w/ Chris Decerbo)
If you’ve never listened to this show before, do not start with this episode. This week, Matt is out of town, so Jake and Patrick take a break from their Josh Journey to reflect on the past year of the show. Somehow past guest Chris Decerbo convinced them to allow him back to share his 8 pages of typed feedback on every episode of the show so far. This episode might be a disaster, but at least it has a long story about Patrick’s dad winning lacrosse world championships and.
October 9, 2018
Penny Dreadful Season 3 (w/ Andy Webb)
This week Andy Webb, the biggest Penny Dreadful fan we know, joins us to close out our coverage of the show. Does it stick the landing? Does our boy Josh continue to wolf out? These questions are answered among the many tangents such as our pitch for Matt’s cameo on the show Billions, our ideas for multiple Penny Dreadful spinoffs, and Patrick’s angry rant about the Bailey School Kids.
October 2, 2018
Penny Dreadful Season 2
Penny Dreadful continues! This week Patrick (who is audibly sick) and the Brothers Torpey continue their quest through everyone’s favorite gothic horror drama in which Josh Hartnett plays a werewolf. It’s an eventful season, featuring witches, throat ripping, necrophelia, and some cozy sweaters. Plus: Patrick reads mean tweets about himself, we discuss why Josh isn’t in the new Halloween movie, and the Torpeys pitch their commercial for Mountain Dew: Code Red.
September 25, 2018
Penny Dreadful Season 1
After several years making obscure indie movies few people have seen, Josh Hartnett returns to the mainstream. But this time…he’s on the small screen. This week we kick off our 3-episode run covering the prestige Showtime gothic horror series, Penny Dreadful. In this episode we spend a lot of time debating the evolution of “prestige TV,” as well as discussing Batman Day, the film Slugs, and the 2003 film The League of Extraordinary Gentlemen.
September 18, 2018
Parts Per Billion
For the third time, Josh is back together with Rosario Dawson and Alexis Bledel in a movie that can best be described as a watered-down, worse version of Contagion. There’s romance, drama, and a pandemic sweeping across the United States. In this episode we discuss whether it would be improved by the addition of a zombie rage virus. We also debate the hottest old man actors, whether we believe in the power of love, and consistently struggle to say Penn Badgeley’s name with a straight face.
September 11, 2018
The Lovers
This week: our boy Josh heads backward AND forward in time, to the bottom of the ocean and all the way to India, in a time travel adventure romance called The Lovers. The movie isn’t good, but hey, at least Josh met his now-wife Tamsin Egerton on set. Big P and the Brothers T also discuss which Powerpuff Girl each of us corresponds to, our upcoming boxing fight against the Paul brothers, Matt’s failed trip to India, and whether Jimmy Stewart sounds like a chicken. Also Patrick brings up Hawkman a lot.
September 4, 2018
Stuck Between Stations
Another episode, another movie 99% of our listener have never heard of! This week we’re discussing Stuck Between Stations, a sort of War on Terror-era Before Sunrise, in which Josh lends his star power to a project made by some of his high school friends. Since this movie is very short and not very good, we also spend a lot of time discussing what we did over the weekend, Jingle All the Way, Nancy Meyers’ The Intern, as well as make poor attempts at Michael Shannon impressions.
August 28, 2018
Girl Walks Into a Bar
This week Josh Hartnett takes another big filmmaking risk with Girl Walks Into a Bar, the very first movie made exclusively for internet distribution. And in a special treat, friend of the podcast Justin Quizon (Benview on Spielberg) calls in to tell us about working on the set of this movie, as well as what it was like working with our boy Josh. Plus we discuss Josh’s love life, Harry Potter, the mechanics of hiring an assassin, and Jake sings Les Mis!
August 21, 2018
After a week away so Jake could go on his honeymoon, we’re back to talk about Josh Hartnett’s crazy fantastical stylized action movie, Bunraku, which definitely features the best trampoline fight in film history. It’s amazing that this move got made. Also: we recap Jake’s wedding, make a discovery about Josh’s social media accounts, and try to figure out how to talk like Woody Harrelson.
August 14, 2018
I Come With the Rain
We’re now officially in the latter, less mainstream half of Josh Hartnett’s career, and this week we encounter the strangest movie he’s made yet: the Asian art house crime thriller I Come With the Rain. Patrick, Jake, and Matt dig deep into the movie and discuss everything from Josh’s detective skills to the origin of his current facial hair. Also discussed: Jake’s recent wedding, Patrick’s problems with Iñárritu, and which Hogwarts house we would each be sorted into.
July 31, 2018
The lyrics to our Josh Hartnett birthday song Happy birthday Happy birthday We want to wish Josh Hartnett a happy birthday Happy birthday to Josh Hartnett We’re watching your movies because we heart you So have a Happy Hartnett birthday! Also in this episode: what superhero should Josh play? Is Collateral Beauty the next Seven Pounds? How much do Matt and Jake love the film Labyrinth? Who is Truth Springsteen?
July 24, 2018
30 Days of Night
It’s the end of an era: this week we reach the end of the Hollywood portion of Josh Hartnett’s career, with the 2007 horror movie 30 Days of Night. It’s a movie that raises many questions, like: is cinematographer Jo Willems related to Patrick? What’s up with Jake’s tooth obsession? What’s our favorite kind of vampire lore? Also: we launch our campaign for Matt to die onscreen in the upcoming Dune film. #LetMattDieInDune
July 17, 2018
Resurrecting the Champ
There have been a lot of bad movies covered on this podcast, so we’re thrilled to announce that this one…is actually pretty good. We’re talking about Resurrecting the Champ, the 2007 drama about boxing and journalism. Listen to the relief in our voices as we finally talk about a movie we enjoyed, as well as topics like Cronenberg’s Lord of the flies, Matt’s dream acting roles, why Josh isn’t in the new Halloween movie, the film Wanted, the lack of Xerxes, and most importantly…Josh’s upcoming
July 10, 2018
The Black Dahlia (w/ Comfort Clinton)
This week Patrick, Jake, and Matt are joined by actress Comfort Clinton (Billions), and together they deal with their frustration about Brian De Palma’s film adaptation of The Black Dahlia. They debate the quality of Hilary Swank’s performance, and explore topics like how a good book becomes a bad movie, whether or not De Palma hates goblins, and what it’s like to play a dead body on TV. Plus: Patrick’s Reading Corner!
July 3, 2018
Lucky Number Slevin (w/ Siddhant Adlakha)
We’ve finally arrived at our most anticipated episode! And maybe…the most controversial? Film critic Siddhant Adlakha joins Patrick and the Brothers Torpey to explore Josh Hartnett’s second collaboration with director Paul McGuigan: Lucky Number Slevin. Listen in as they discuss Kansas City Shuffles, what X-Man Josh would play, movies with twists, a potential Timothée Chalamet spinoff podcast, and whether this is the Juicero of movies. #UniteTheSlevin
June 26, 2018
Mozart and the Whale (w/ Mary Willems)
Patrick’s sister Mary joins the podcast this week for the ultimate sibling episode, as four friends who all went to high school together discuss one of the most obscure movies of Josh’s career. It’s Mozart and the Whale, a romantic comedy about autism with a bizarre production history that everyone finds difficult to properly evaluate. Plus: Mary reveals her Hartnett History, Patrick talks way too much about the Ben Affleck film The Accountant, and Nega Matt makes his first appearance on the show.
June 19, 2018
Sin City
“Really?” you ask, “You’re covering a movie in which Josh only appears for four minutes?” You’re damn right. This week we’re discussing Sin City, the 2005 Frank Miller/Robert Rodriguez joint that altered the history of comic book adaptations, and which might not exist were it not for our boy Josh. We go deep on the careers of Rodriguez and Miller, and Patrick explains his theory of how Josh may be responsible for the toxic DC movie fandom.
June 12, 2018
Wicker Park (w/ Chris Decerbo)
Warning: this week our Josh Hartnett podcast transforms into a Coldplay podcast, which is unavoidable when discussing Paul McGuigan’s seminal 2004 romantic thriller, Wicker Park. We’re joined by longtime friend and the world’s #1 Wicker Park fan, Chris Decerbo for an episode that includes threats of violence against the Brothers Torpey, Shaggy impressions (both cartoon character and rapper), terrible French accents, a lot of talk about Serendipity and Batman: Mask of the Phantasm, and, yes, Coldplay.
June 5, 2018
Hollywood Homicide
This week, Josh Hartnett teams up with Hollywood legend Harrison Ford for a buddy action comedy that it turns out…is mostly about real estate. Patrick, Matt, and Jake attempt to solve the movie’s many script problems while also reading some iTunes reviews, discussing more of the Town & Country cinematic universe, Superman’s nudity, and whether or not Patrick almost killed Harrison Ford in 2015.
May 29, 2018
40 Days and 40 Nights
As we reach the era of Josh Hartnett: Movie Star, we travel back to the weird world of early-2000s sex comedies. This week we’re talking about 40 Days and 40 Nights, the sex comedy about Josh Hartnett not having sex, which is a much weirder movie than we expected. Listen in for exciting talk about incels, Shasta McNasty, the career of Shannyn Sossamon, and our grand theory about the Town & Country cinematic universe.
May 22, 2018
Black Hawk Down (w/ Scott Thomas)
This week we’re talking about a movie that’s actually good! Our boy Josh Hartnett joins an all-star ensemble cast for the Oscar-winning war film Black Hawk Down. We’re joined by our good friend, actor Scott Thomas to explore important topics like the soundtrack for The Faculty, the greatness of Tom Sizemore, who Ridley Scott actually is, and once again, Josh’s eyes.
May 15, 2018
This week we travel back to that era when Hollywood couldn't stop turning the works of Shakespeare into hip movies for teens. And our main man Josh Hartnett got caught up in the action! We're chatting all about the 2001 film O, an adaptation of Othello so edgy that it dropped all but one letter from the title. It's kind of sort of vaguely Shakespeare's story, but with way more basketball and teens taking drugs.
May 8, 2018
Pearl Harbor
We Heart Hartnett: DELUXE EDITION. We needed two hours to cover this three-hour movie. We've finally reached one of the biggest movies of Josh Hartnett's career, the moment he officially became a movie star. It's the much-maligned Michael Bay romantic period epic that's kind of like Titanic if it were less good and contained way more explosions. So buckle up, because it's finally time for Patrick to deliver his grand theory of Michael Bay's career.
May 1, 2018
Town & Country
Josh’s string of stinkers continues with 2001’s Town & Country, a “comedy” about wealthy old people having affairs that somehow cost $100 million, took 2 years to make, and ended up being one of the biggest flops in box office history. Listen in as we discuss the film that caused Warren Beatty to quit making movies for fifteen years.
April 24, 2018
Blow Dry (w/ Mike Curran)
We’ve got a guest! Cartoonist, writer, actor, and longtime friend Mike Curran joins us to discuss this quirky British comedy in which Josh Hartnett was inexplicably cast as Alan Rickman’s son. Join us as we discuss a screenplay mangled by the studio, Josh’s struggles with a British accent, and the infamous “geisha cancer scene.”
April 17, 2018
Here On Earth
This week Josh gets caught up in a love triangle for the ages in the 2000 romantic drama HERE ON EARTH, co-starring with Chris Klein and Leelee Sobieski. Did we like this movie(spoilers: no)? Was Josh good (spoilers: yes)? Did it contain the most loathsome, sociopathic protagonist we've seen in years (spoilers: also yes). You should never watch this movie but you SHOULD listen to us talk about it.
April 10, 2018
The Virgin Suicides
Ladies and gentlemen, say hello to Trip Fontaine! This week we cover Sofia Coppola's debut film, about a bunch of sisters in the 1970s, the boys who love them, and also a lot of death. But most importantly, Josh Hartnett very nearly steals the entire movie in his role as the dreamiest guy in school. There's a lot to talk about here, so put your Hart Hats on (also your headphones) and join us!
April 3, 2018
The Faculty
This week we're talking about the first movie Josh Hartnett was ever cast in and his second movie released in 1998. That's right, it's The Faculty. Can writer Kevin Williamson do for sci-fi what he did for horror with Scream? How does Robert Rodriguez fare in the only work-for-hire movie he ever directed? that Jon Stewart as the alien-possessed science teacher? There's a lot fo discuss here, so buckle up and get ready to heart Hartnett.
March 27, 2018
Halloween H20: 20 Years Later
We're kicking off our podcast with a landmark film in cinema history: the return of Jamie Lee Curtis to the Halloween franchise, but more importantly, the first film role of the man himself, Josh Hartnett. Listen as Patrick, Matt, and Jake discuss their first impressions of Hartnett, LL Cool J's erotic fiction, and the convoluted history of the Halloween franchise.
March 21, 2018
Episode 0 - Why Josh Hartnett?
We assume most people are wondering why, of all the potential topics for a podcast, we're making one about Josh Hartnett. So we made a special, short intro episode to explain that! Here, Patrick, Matt, and Jake sit down for a quick chat about how this podcast came to be, why it exists, and what to expect.
March 20, 2018