No Longer Ashamed

Disclosure is an important step but not one to take lightly

and it is not always the means to find closure

In this episode we discuss what to expect from disclosure and the ways to find closure

We have revised this episode to make it sound better on all platforms

For survivors shame seems to be a part of life

It always seems to be present with us

It doesn't have to be that way

There are methods to counter the shame that we feel so we handle our shame in a healthier way

So we are not controlled by our shame or identified with it

Instead we can learn to control how we address our shame

This can be a very divisive topic for survivors

One of the ways that our mind protects us when we experience trauma is to repress the experience

This is helpful to us at the time of trauma but even though the memory is hidden the trauma still affects us

If you have symptoms of trauma without any explanation for these symptoms it can be because the memories have been repressed

Sometimes these memories don't come to the surface until something reminds of us of the trauma later in life

If you are experiencing symptoms of trauma that are affecting you without any obvious explanations it could be because of repressed memories

There are ways to uncover these memories that will help you to understand and recover from this

It is important to find the root issues of your coping disorders rather than just treating them because your mind will often just find other methods to cope until you actually get to the actual trauma that you are hiding from

It is so important to be aware of coercive control when it is happening in our lives

That is why we revised this episode to make it sound better on all platforms

Coercive control can really affect us if we allow it, so it is important to know how to understand it

There are so many reasons why it can take so long to tell our story for the first time

The fear of what can happen when we tell is overwhelming sometimes

But that fear doesn't go away the more that we wait

It doesn't get any easier by waiting

Instead what happens when we think that is easier to just cope with it, the ways that we cope with it finally causes us to come to where we hit rock bottom and have to deal with it

Don't wait for that time Do It Now!

Now is the best time to find a way to tell your story in whatever way that you can and find the healing that you deserve

Do it Afraid!

It is scary but you have been through the worst so you know you can handle it and it won't get easier if you wait

Barbara Lane is one of 11 siblings who were abandoned by their Mother when she was three years old. After she was sent to a Catholic orphanage she and her sister were adopted into a mafia mob family where they endured years of abuse. 43 years later she not only found healing from the abuse, but she was reunited with her sisters. She wrote a book about her remarkable story called "Broken Water" available on amazon.

https://www.amazon.com/Broken-Water-Extraordinary-True-Story/dp/B0BYVFQTCR/ref=sr_1_1?adgrpid=1335909037017621&dib=eyJ2IjoiMSJ9.SfT9SR8apFfCmXwm5avW96MZVxduip7Kso2EIdJSyB9BouuU6SWqFSi4sdLV0zVQ.omjQejoeJWlcdpp3ZxMFJ0x5396KQgW-3OUeGG8k4n0&dib_tag=se&hvadid=83494579621405&hvbmt=be&hvdev=c&hvlocphy=67664&hvnetw=o&hvqmt=e&hvtargid=kwd-83495371212886%3Aloc-190&hydadcr=6805_13182700&keywords=broken+water+by+barbara+lane&msclkid=5447c0b8b81a1648c831a54f05885d03&qid=1710734742&sr=8-1

This is our recap of the first year of the podcast and what a year it was!

It was the Covid lockdown and even though it seemed that everything came to a screeching halt we were both working full time and on top of that we started this podcast to reach out to other survivors of CSA

To our delight we had several guests who shared their stories on our show and we learned so much from these brave survivors who were willing to open up about their experiences

We also had our first panel where we invited several guests back on to discuss the topic of shame

So we are revising this episode to improve the sound quality in order to make it better on all platforms, we hope that you enjoy listening to our improved version

Dan Hartley and his wife Janell are the founders of Magezi Ministries in South Africa

They minister to men and women to form healthier relationships and to break free from their bondage from addictions to pornography

In our interview Dan speaks about his own freedom from addiction to pornography and how his healing journey led him and his wife to form Magezi Ministies to help those struggling to overcome their addictions and have freedom

https://www.magezi.org/

Jerry Lin is the Master of Letting go!

If you are feeling stuck, can't move forward and you can't seem to find joy in your life, Jerry helps you navigate through letting go in order to get to the life that you want!

We are revising our early episodes to make the audio work better on all platforms

So if you haven't listened to this episode for awhile this is a good time to listen again

Defeat can be overwhelming

If we allow it defeat can consume us

Defeat is often a part of our life but it doesn't have to be permanent

We can learn from our defeats and move beyond them rather than let them define us

How we handle our defeat will determine if we are able to grow from it

We are still in the process of revising our early episodes in order to make them compatible with all devices, so if you haven't listened to this one for a while now you can hear our new revised version!

As survivors we can be prone to resentment

It can feel as if we didn't get a fair deal and everyone else has it easier than us

Holding on to resentment can be so damaging to our health, both physically and mentally

It can prevent us from realizing the blessings that we have and celebrating them

Resentment is the opposite of gratitude and also has the opposite effect on our lives

It is important to examine the resentment that we carry and understand where it comes from so we can learn how to let go of its hold on our life

Now that we have been doing our podcast for over three years we have learned so much about telling your story

The main thing that we have learned is how important it is for a survivor to tell their story and when and where to tell your story

We have also learned how important it is for other survivors to hear your story because it can help them find the courage to tell theirs

It can be very difficult to tell your story, especially at first, but we have found that the advantages far outweigh the drawbacks

Dana Morgan Murphy is the author of "Ballerina in the Box: One woman's triumphant journey from generational bondage to a freedom-filled future"

We talk with her about her triumph over the bondage of fear and abuse and how her journey has inspired her family in their healing

https://a.co/d/3FQSJUv

Happy New Year to all of our listeners!

To start this year we are discussing Family Dynamics and why this can be such a difficult issue for survivors

Whether the perpetrator is a family member or not, once you share with your family members about what happened to you there is likely going to be a shift in your family dynamics

This can be especially difficult during holidays when there are often gatherings and the expectation of getting together with each other

What is most important for you as a survivor is to find a way to manage your need to feel safe and respected regardless of how that affects the dynamics in your family and how they feel about that

We continue to revisit our early episodes and improve the acoustics so that they sound better on every format

Why does judgement come so easy to us as survivors and why is it so difficult to give ourselves compassion?

The answers often come when we examine the way that we talk about and think about ourselves and where those thoughts originated

We were likely taught to be very judgemental about ourselves and we perpetuate those lessons without even thinking about it

It can change when we look at the way we think about and speak about ourselves and take the effort to change those narratives

Self compassion can be the gift that we give ourselves that will also change the way that we treat others

We have improved the audio of our episode 17 Walls or masks about the walls that we put up and the masks that we hide behind

Removing these walls and masks are important to reaching the authentic person that you can be

We are returning to our early episodes and revising them to improve the audio on them to make them play better on all devices since these episodes were so important

Vulnerability is so important for our healing but for survivors it can be so hard to be vulnerable because we are afraid of being hurt again

Especially for men it can be hard because we are taught not to be vulnerable, that being vulnerable is a sign of weakness

But it takes great courage to be vulnerable and it is a way of investing in our healing by showing that we do deserve to heal and our feelings are important

Our feelings are information that are important in our healing and by being vulnerable and sharing our feelings with someone safe we learn that being vulnerable can be an act of community with the people in our lives that matter to us

What are those habits we have that are self destructive?

How do we recognize them and why are they so hard to change?

Sometimes are self destructive habits are easy to identify but some times it's easier to spot someone else's than our own

We learned these behaviors for a reason but in order to change them we have to recognize them and recognize where they come from

We are continuing to improve the audio of our early episodes to make them easier to listen to on all devices

In this episode we discuss why going through sorrow can be so healing for survivors

We are returning to our early episodes and improving the way they sound so they are more listenable on any device

These episodes are about some of the most important topics for survivors

This episode is about feelings and how we approach and handle our feelings

Feelings are not necessarily good or bad , but they are important information that we can learn from

Laurie talks about hearing news about a relative who has passed

But even though the connection comes after 30 years with no contact will it change anything?

Open new doors?

We think that many of you have had to face people who have made a conscious choice to "not believe" you, how do you cope?

Trust is so important in all of our connections it is the foundation of having healthy relationships

But for survivors it can be so hard to open ourselves up to trusting anyone because our trust has been destroyed by what happened to us

This can be one of the main reasons that survivors have such a hard time forming healthy associations with anyone

We are here to be in relationship with others but if we don't trust anyone because of what happened to us how do we open up and become vulnerable enough to trust ?

It's almost that time of year again so what better time than now to revisit our episode about the Holidays and revise it to improve the sound so that everyone can listen to it and enjoy that special time of year

What we say is so important

What we say to our kids, what we say about things we hear about what we say to someone who is struggling can be so important to them

We have to be aware of the affect of our language and how we can help our kids to want to talk to us about stuff, maybe even the stuff that they feel uncomfortable about

It can make all the difference in their life when they know that it's ok to talk us about anything

Sam Dordulian is the Founder and President of the Dorduilian Law Group in the Los Angeles area

He is a former Los Angeles Deputy District Attorney with over 25 years of experience and he leads the sex crimes division of the Law Group

He has a unique perspective with his experience as a Deputy District Attorney as well as an Attorney representing survivors of abuse in cases against offenders

Charnell found his group when she was doing her research about the sex crimes done by coaches and others against athletes and she asked Sam if he would be willing to do an interview to share his perspective about what to expect when prosecuting offenders of abuse

https://www.dlawgroup.com/work-injury-attorney/

It's been over two years since Luke reached out to us after listening to our podcast and we interviewed him

Since that interview Luke has been interviewed on other podcasts and done some panels with us and has become an advocate for other survivors all while learning to recover from what happened to him

We are so excited to catch up with him and talk about his journey of healing

In this episode we interview Kevin's wife Charnell about the research that she has been doing about the issues of sexual abuse in youth sports

She has found that it is much more common than is reported beyond the widely publicized accounts that have happened in higher profile cases that have come up

Her research has lead her to find the Dordulian Law Group who specialize in sex abuse and other offenses and "SafeSport" which is an "independent nonprofit committed to building a sport community where participants can work and learn together free of emotional, physical, and sexual abuse misconduct"

This is our new and improved version of episode 11

We continue to upgrade the audio of our earlier episodes to improve the listening quality

Ceanne Livingston is a survivor, mother, businesswoman and a podcaster

She has done some incredible work to overcome not only childhood sexual abuse but domestic violence as well

She is a warrior! She is the host of "The Big Money Influencer" podcast

This is the new and improved version of episode 9!

We are going back and improving the sound on the early episodes so that they sound better on all devices

These episodes are so good we want it to be available again in an updated format

Here we are after three years, 72 episodes, over thirty interviews and several panels, what have we learned.

There has been so much that is important and we have seen so many breakthroughs, it's been amazing!

The courage we have seen from our guests and the insights that they have shared with us has given us so much hope

We have witnessed so many stories that start with heartbreak and trauma and loss, and lead to triumph and healing

In this episode we share the wisdom that we have learned from the amazing survivors we have had on and sum up the key lessons that we have learned

These are key lessons that are important for any survivor to pay attention to and we have even been surprised at how much we have learned doing this podcast, things that has been helping in our journey of healing

If there is anything that we have learned it is that it is a process that we are all in together

Lisa Shelby knows firsthand what it means to keep a secret while trying to live a life of integrity

Keeping secrets is not the answer!

Finding a safe place to share and heal opens the door to a life of freedom and joy!

We are fixing the sound quality on our earlier episodes to make them playback on all devices better

Sandra is a Chaplain with Messengers of Faith Ministry in Las Vegas and she also works with True ID and Refuge for Women there helping women that are in the sex trade and are being trafficked to find a safe place to get refuge

She experienced trauma at an early age by those in her life who she trusted and relied on which led to a spiral of addiction and abuse which she is healing with the help of God and those in her life who did not give up on her

Again we are revisiting and re-editing some of our earlier episodes to improve the sound quality and make them easier to listen to on all devices since some of these episodes are so important but we have learned that the way that they were recorded did not work well on all devices.

Marcus is a recovery coach and is soon to be podcaster!

In this conversation with Marcus we cover some important issues about abuse and trauma

As a recovery coach Marcus works with clients to help them get free of addiction to pornography and other undesirable sexual behaviors

For anyone having these issues there is help and you do not have to face this alone

https://www.betweenthecoverscoaching.com/?fbclid=IwAR3T9UL_4ZvZf9r-rjd_l5hAoBdmPFOGeXyKVJEqtbVQtUXZI_I_9xSboZg

We are continuing to re edit our early episodes to make them easier to listen to

We did not realize that when we recorded in stereo that it caused problems with some systems to hear both of us so we are re doing them in mono

Sometimes we get so busy it can be easy to overlook the moments that bring us awe and wonder

We just speed right past them without noticing

But when we slow down and take the time to relish the moment that sense of awe can fill us up and give us something to hold on to when we need that

It can bring our sense of innocence back to have wonder in our lives

Such a fun topic, repulsion and revulsion

It's the instinctive reaction we all have to some stuff, like rats or spiders, and the way that we think about certain things

Like sexual abuse

We can't help it, it's a repulsive topic but as survivors sometimes we must talk about it

But it is the act that is repulsive and the perpetrator that is revolting, not the survivor

That is important to remember, what happened to us was repulsive but that doesn't mean that we are

We are continuing to re edit some of our early episodes to make them easier to listen to

This is an episode that is popular and we feel that it has a very important message for survivors

We all need restoration at times and it is important to recognize what we do that restores us and realize when we need that

This week in Illinois the states attorney general found that more than 450 Catholic clergy abused nearly 2,000 children since 1950

Revealing that the problem was far worse than had been reported by the Church

He also stated that those abusers "will never see justice in a legal sense" since the statute of limitations has expired for most of those cases

Where is the outrage?

The laws need to be changed for there to be justice and if there is going to be any deterrence for these crimes

We are continuing to revisit and edit our early episodes to clean up the way that they sound

These episodes were so important and they were also part of our "learning curve" so we now are fixing them up to make them sound better

We hope that the messages will carry impact for you whether you have heard them before, or if you are listening for the first time

This week we continue to revisit some of our early episodes to make some editing improvements to make them sound better

This has been one of our most popular episodes and we really feel that it is important

We like it so much that we decided to go back and clean it up and make it sound better