One Inch Past Scary (formerly: Mental Notes From My Minivan)
By One Inch Past Scary
Welcome to the podcast One Inch Past Scary where I talk about going one inch past safe, stuck, and scared to leave behind habits and limiting beliefs in order to grab all the good stuff that's been ready and waiting for you. In this podcast I talk candidly and hopefully about healing from PTSD and taking claim of a joyful life. Practical, proven concepts, encouragement, tried and true tips are always included. I believe that no matter how dark things are, you should laugh. Because you don't laugh you will cry. And nobody likes to be a crybaby.
Returning after a very long hiatus with a crowd favourite MMA fighter coach and gym owner, Joe Garcia! We talk about how devastating Covid-19 was to his business, his lifestyle and even his identity and how he pivoted, got creative and grew. A really inspiring chat!
If you are feeling overwhelmed depleted numb disconnected frightened or all of the above right now you are not alone. I have been struggling with the same but I can shift to a better state when I choose to. It’s never been more important for us to take care of ourselves. I talk about what I’m doing to protect my mental health and proactively manage this season of grief and chaos in this short and impromptu podcast
Darlings! I’m back with some affirmations and guided breathing and stretches you can incorporate into any situation or challenge to manage stress and help you to know that you are capable of managing each moment as it comes.
Do you find that you do fine with the “New Normal” for a few days, and then suddenly find yourself dipping into a zone where everything feels *super* weird, overwhelming and even scary? In today’s episode, I’m talking about this common new phenomenon and my personal strategies for how to get out of the valley and making the rollercoaster ride less intense in general.
Dr. Gardner has the perspective of treating patients with Co-vid-19 in various markets: suburban, rural, sleepy towns and Las Vegas. Our chat focuses on making the best of our new normal, doing all we can do to protect ourselves without spiralling into paralysing fear and an overwhelming preoccupation with the virus. And ways we can protect our mental health, build immunity and create unity during this trying time.
Is quarantine making you bitchy, intolerant, irritable. judgmental and generally not your best self ? ME TOO! In this 2nd anniversary of my podcast I unpack why fear can look like unkindness, how love is not about being controlling and the things which are helping me to start being kinder to myself and others.
A permission slip to give yourself grace and just be YOU as you adjust to this new normal. I also walk you through calming grounding exercise that works for me when I’m having difficulty interrupting an anxiety spiral.
On this week’s episode I chat to mega accomplished college scholar athlete (and the new “ridiculously photogenic running guy” meme) Ryland Black about the Wim Hof method. He’s used the method to help him run a 4 hr marathon without training, recover from serious injury, prepare for exams, and achieve excellence in every area of life. He introduced me to it and I’m so grateful! A fascinating chat about the science and simple discipline behind becoming a little more superhuman every day.
Jason Ratliff joins us from Dubai to talk about some of the challenges which face African American men who deal with mental illness. He candidly speaks of his own path toward healing from debilitating anxiety and depression and makes a strong plea to his community to recognize how prevalent this is and stand up to the stigma around seeking help and healing.
In this “way out of my comfort zone” impromptu episode I talk about the things that have been helping me to thrive lately and the sacred comfort I have been receiving in between. Talking about the Wim Hof Method, cold exposure, pole dancing?! and opening my mind more to metaphysical messages and signs with some pretty amazing results. (I don’t care if you think I’m crazy -she says..kinda caring but not enough ;)
Today I talk about the “emotional guidance scale” and how if we identify how we are feeling we can make the choice in the next moment to move ever so slightly up the emotional scale. This gives a very solid, accessible and practical breakdown of how we can climb the emotional ladder from despair/fear/shame/hopelessness.... rung by rung to feelings of joy, peace and empowerment. We can also give ourselves grace for whatever state we find ourselves in, and gently and kindly introduce other options. This REALLY WORKS.
By popular demand my lil bro is back! We are talking about the courage it takes to be willing to sit in the present moment and the enormous gains that can result from that. If you are constantly waiting for the other shoe to drop, stuck in the past or obsessed about the future, if you keep waiting to arrive or to do enough to feel as though you are enough, if you are self sabotaging or feeling paralysed about living your purpose or if you just love listening to South African accents.. This gem of an episode is for YOU
My teenage son and I talk about how our relationship has helped him to stay out of trouble and his theories regarding parenting style and teenage rebellion. . This one is for any teen or parent of a teen who want to have a more trusting, open and fulfilling relationship
My brother Seth has been an extraordinary support to me in healing from Complex PTSD which he too deals with. His compassionate wisdom and solid, scientific insights have helped me to negotiate some of the most complicated relationships and emotions of my life. Please tune in as we discuss reuniting after I left the Mormon faith and he remains devout, and how we are protecting ourselves with good boundaries while we also work to heal ourselves through the peace of forgiveness and moving forward.
In this episode I recount the shame spiral I went into after running my first marathon and why . I share the extremely effective tools I’m using to silence my harsh inner critic, while gaining increasing peace with myself and others regardless of what I can, have or will achieve. These things are allowing me to confidently go after what I really want and fully enjoy the *process* of accomplishing my goals while detaching from the outcomes outside of my control. It’s a really good one!
Why I hold back from promoting my creative work and why that’s about EGO! How I turned a tantrum over being injured a week before my first marathon into recognizing it as the gift I had been asking for. This isn’t the Pollyanna approach it sounds like but it is helping me to stay in the game.
A year ago I posted the barest details of the abuse at the hands of my stepfather and how my mother had been complicit in protecting him and shaming me as part of the #whyididntreport campaign. This sent shockwaves through our #lds #mormon community of which we had been a prominent golden family. Three of my four siblings courageously stood by my public claims. A year later I talk about the path to healing and why it was imperative that this revelation had to be as public as it was. What my gratitude to our unlikeliest of allies and the betrayal of others has meant for us and the lessons I am carrying forward into my own parenting. This is a story of harrowing healing and hope. #C-PTSD is not a life sentence and our abusers do not get to write our stories.
In this episode I chat about how getting vulnerable with my family drastically improved all of our lives, why mom guilt will wreck your relationships and how to get closer to your kids after you have a parenting screw up.
In this episode I talk about how a calm and soulful Summer dedicated to mastering my mindset and finding my spiritual groove again gave me the strength and resilience to withstand the perfect storm of a few of my greatest fears recently.
Long distance running is the perfect metaphor for life. Here are some of the most important nuggets of truth and wisdom I have gleaned on my long runs which anyone can apply to the Marathon of Life. Alternatively titled: I run long so you don’t have to ;)
In this episode I talk about the simple epiphany I recently had which instantly allowed me to become drastically more resilient to former triggers, far less affected by the actions of others, and infinitely more confident in my ability to handle whatever life may bring.
In this episode I talk to my Brazilian Jiu Jitsu/MMA teacher and friend Joe Garcia about the mentality of being a fighter and how the lessons from the ring (and before and after) synch up perfectly with anything we are facing in our life. We also talk about my experience with using BJJ as therapy for PTSD and what I gained from going One Inch Past Scary and being embraced by a Fight Club Family.
In this episode Ben who will be 21 in a couple of weeks speaks candidly of his struggles with perfectionism, burden of being a habitual high achiever and the ensuing depression and burnout he experienced in college. With his life in a state of hedonistic disarray, m and his attitude apathetic at best, he signed on for an intense summer job of field coursework in the Mojave desert. There he struggled with anxiety and Imposter Syndrome and resolved to give up before even starting. Instead he made a drastic mental adjustment and literally overnight began discovering reserves of strength and coping skills he forgot he had and a renewed zest for life and sense of direction as well as a deep testimony of the gift of vulnerability.
The next episode in my series of “What If” questions.: What if you stopped trying to control your life and instead chose to participate in it? A lesson in radical acceptance of WHAT IS and how it’s healing and changing me, recharging my physical energy, my relationships, (and helping me to be the parent I wish my kids had always had). I surprised myself by crying (with joy!) in this one.
A year ago my friend Jennifer Knowles made a simple set of 4 daily goals to make the most of her Summer. This quickly exploded into a 1000+ person strong incredibly active online community which is making a profound difference in countless lives. Based on radical kindness with Mr Rogers as their mascot this group is changing the world in the best possible way. Prepare to be inspired!
Are you paralyzed by the fear of criticism? Are you stuck in life and not progressing the way you should because you are terrified of being “caught” in your imperfections? Are you waiting to be “enough” of something before you put yourself or your work out there? It’s a trap! Asking myself this second “What If”question and implementing these mindset adjustments has freed me up to do my thing and respect myself so much more,
I was wallowing in insecurity and fear of failure when I woke up and wrote a question to myself in my journal. I answered it and within that same day my life had completely changed in trajectory. Does that sound like clickbait bullshit?! The good news is that it’s totally true and can work equally well for you too!
How being vulnerable and making human connections with total strangers helped me through some tough spots recently and some strategies for asking for help and being vulnerable while protecting yourself.
My podcast baby turns one today and I have big plans for it as a toddler! ALSO!!! Do you have anxious sensations which lead to negative thoughts which quickly lead to downward spirals? This one is for you!
Are you in the driver's seat of your life or are you at the mercy of moods and motivation? Here are some of my tried and true tips for effectively negotiating with your sometimes bratty, sometimes frightened, sometimes just OVER IT inner child to keep it safely strapped in its car-seat and allow you to the freedom to drive your own life . Practical ideas for pushing past fear, apathy and inertia, to get the results you want out of yourself.
Any growth, healing and major accomplishment requires us to look ahead and commit to the process. But we also have to be ready and willing to move “one inch past scary”. In this episode, I talk about a couple of recent experiences where I used intentional (and slightly scary) methods to break lifelong patterns and reach the next level in both my healing and my goals.
Do you have a sense of being stuck and unable to get out of your own way? Do you sense that you could be doing more with your life? Maybe you are trapped in the cycle of addiction or feeling helplessly weighed down by depression and anxiety. Do you start a lot of things and never finish or are you maybe too afraid to even start, or even to dream if more? It’s shockingly common and there are scientific ways to overcome it. This episode talks about why we do this and gives helpful concrete steps for overcoming these cycles. Life is short, let’s break the self defeating cycles and get on with it! It’s not very complicated once you figure out where it’s all coming from!
My 18 year old son Gabe chats with me about what he’s learned so far about life, and what he has found valuable in his upbringing. Kids don’t come with personalised manuals, and none of us have all the right answers but Gabe is doing alright so far, and I think his wisdom is well worth listening to whether you are a parent, a teen or anything before, after or in between. I’m really super glad to call him ours. (We discuss home culture/environment/supporting your kids’ dreams (and not), social media, addictions, depression and the upsides of a big family living in a small house.
The holiday season can be difficult for many people but it can be notoriously painful for people who have experienced trauma. Practical ideas for how to proactively recognise and manage triggers for yourself and others you may gather with this season. I include many tips for handling stress, depression and anxiety in general during this intense season. This is for anyone and everyone who wants to have a happier and more functional year end regardless of whether you choose to celebrate or not.
My awesome friend Doug Lang and I chat about how to be a helpful support to people when they reach out to us in crisis. Doug was such a stalwart, creative super support to me during the worst phase of my PTSD. We also talk about the importance of taking care of ourselves, and how to create boundaries to avoid helper burnout.
Holly Hinckley and I have been acquainted for years but our relationship really became cemented as I became increasingly public and even vitriolic on social media about the Mormon faith after I left it. I lost most of my Mormon friends during this time which was not unexpected nor surprising but it was and continues to be painful. I was increasingly intrigued though as I watched Holly remain steadfast in her affection and interactions toward me. She didn't unfriend, she never unfollowed. She never had an angry retort. What was weird is that nobody I knew had higher personal stakes in the Mormon church than her. Her beloved grandfather was world famous and popular LDS Prophet Gordon B.Hinckley, Mormonism's equivalent of Pope Francis. Her great grandfather was head of LDS Business College. Her father has always held prominent positions in the church. Holly herself is a returned missionary and devout member of the faith. I reached out to express my gratitude for her friendship and ask her how she managed to maintain it given how angry and relentless I have been in decrying the church and it's leaders. In this conversation we talk about that, about maintaining relationships despite huge differences in beliefs (she married into a non Mormon family) her time spent in my Homeland, her parenting, and what it was like growing up as "Mormon royalty". I hope you will find this episode as fun, informative, helpful and life affirming as I did.
In this episode I cover some major points of progress for me recently in my recovery from C-PTSD. I’m also talking about how my debilitating and abject phobia of facing the reality of my abuse has been replaced with the ability to observe it objectively and cope with it fearlessly and constructively.
A conversation with my friend Jen about our opposite experiences starting and ending in Ohio respectively with us meeting in the middle in the African Kingdom of Swaziland when we were 18. We talk about the gift of travel, it can change the entire trajectory of your life no matter what your age , surviving and enjoying parenting by becoming accepting of pain and discomfort and how going to a college dive bar together fulfilled one of my lifelong ambitions. This conversation covers it all and was so much fun. Jen is wit and wisdom personified and I know you will find a nugget to enrich and enhance your life in this one!
A conversation with my new friend Diane Nielsen, who was perfectly happy and unquestioning in her role of being a devout, believing “perfect Mormon wife and mother” until her husband (also a devout member from a highly prominent Mormon family), decided to brush up on his study of church history. As Diane joined him in that quest she found a lot that didn’t add up. She was also told by her Bishop to divorce her husband rather than be “led astray by him”. This is her story of navigating her sudden loss of faith free-fall, falling out of grace with the Mormon community (where they had been shining stars) and finding themselves happy and whole at the end of it. Do not miss Diane’s poignant and hilarious Hop on Pop Conference talk parody at the end. Never Mormons, faithful Mormons and ex-Mormons alike should find this one enlightening and fun.
Abuse victims are often subject to secondary abuse when they reveal the truth to a source they should be able to trust. My experience with the devastating consequences of that over the years, and why I ultimately felt forced to expose my abusive parents publicly. This is an important episode for survivors and allies alike.
Childhood development expert and one of my best friends Cindi Baum talks to me about how she creates a peaceful, intentional classroom. I modelled much of my home environment with a batch of little kids and my child rearing ethos on her methods after watching her introduce 4/5 my kids to the wonderful world of learning!
I received confirmation of my resignation from the LDS (Mormon) church this week and it stirred up some stuff. I think this is a very balanced podcast and it has messages for those in and outside of the faith. Please check out ProtectLdsChildren.org. It's so important to support these changes!
Raw and uncut. YOU ARE WARNED. The story of my families deportation (they did everything legally) and why it took me 20 years to get my citizenship even though I was married to an American all that time.
My luminous friend Lucia joins me from Dubai and talks about her colourful past, growing up in extreme poverty in a Mormon/Catholic household, dealing with acute rheumatoid arthritis as a young mom of four kids aged 6 and under, her struggles with profound depression, finding herself in her 30’s pursuing her musical career with fresh gusto and even singing on the same stage as Ricky Martin. She will have you laughing, crying, in awe and absolutely uplifted and inspired. What the world needs now, is Lucia, sweet Lucia. This is a long one but it goes so fast!
Carolyn and I met as newly weds and young moms while living in the SF Bay Area 20 years ago. We have remained friends ever since. In this episode we chat about her slow exodus from the LDS (Mormon) faith, her activism with LDS (and all) LGBTQI youth, parenting a child through a cancer diagnosis and so much more. Her upbeat outlook and genuine love for all of humanity is inspiring, uplifting and infectious. We laugh a LOT in this one. It’s a must listen!
By the time C.J was 13 he had been held against his will by the police for the crime of playing basketball, by the time he was 15, he had a gun pressed to his back by the police while standing in line to buy ice cream. At the age of 26 he's had 4 such encounters with the police. He has never broken the law. He's hilarious and thoughtful and his story is one every American needs to hear.
A fun and fascinating chat with my long-time friend, Dr.Nathan Richardson regarding his insights into where we are going wrong with organised youth sports, specifically soccer and how it is affecting our children and families.
Young entrepreneur Isaac Rogers talks about his journey from being kicked out of church at the tender age of 6 to living a full, present, joyful and authentic life. He’s chosen to be refined rather than defined by Cystic Fibrosis, We talk about the glorification of Disabilities (his pet peeve), shaking free of the toxic trap of comparison (he’s a twin), his spiritual journey and travel dreams. Don’t miss this one!
In this incredibly inspiring episode Joe husband, father of three young kids, high school teacher who has been fighting stage 4 cancer for the last seven years talks about living with the “Terrible Privilege” of a diagnosis which puts his future in a constant state of uncertainty and how he has embraced it and made every moment count.
May is mental health awareness month and Spring in general is a tough time for many people including myself. Here are some strategies for surviving periods of times when PTSD is particularly bad or we tend to experience cyclical depression.
In this episode we will chat about a couple of micro epiphanies that have had a major difference on how I approach my relationships, tips on surviving and thriving Winter’s last gasps, and how choosing to be choked (by taking up Brazilian Jiu Jitsu) has taught and helped me in my PTSD recovery and life in general.