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Kiss Your Franchise Goodbye

Kiss Your Franchise Goodbye

By Andy Wilson

A movie podcast about film franchises, their ups and downs, franchises that worked, franchises that failed, franchises that never were.
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Blade 2 and Oscars 2021

Kiss Your Franchise GoodbyeApr 28, 2021

00:00
01:46:40
A Hard Day's Night

A Hard Day's Night

It's the Beatles! And we've been working like a dog! We're all George fans. The evolution of The Beatles as artists and where this movie fits in-- the bridge between Beatlemania/boy band and later Beatles. Monty Python. Elvis movies vs. Beatles movies. Paul's grandfather is a great villain.

Next week is HELP! (not to be confused with The Help)

Mar 21, 202401:29:59
Metropolis (1984 Moroder Edition)

Metropolis (1984 Moroder Edition)

It's JB's birthday pick and he has chosen the 1927 Fritz Lang classic Metropolis, restored and given a new soundtrack in the 80s by the King of 80s Soundtracks, Giorgio Moroder. Felt like homework to Kitt. This is Andy's superhero origin story: the literal zeitgeist of Weimar Germany and what this film was saying. Melissa hated this movie!

What songs would we have picked to put in the movie?

Studio notes for a remake version?


Mar 16, 202401:40:57
Crazy Heart
Feb 12, 202401:39:45
Clerks 3
Feb 10, 202401:24:13
Clerks 2
Feb 04, 202401:55:33
Clerks

Clerks

WARNING: This episode is extra filthy. Just warning you.

Because it's Kevin Smith's debut, Clerks. What is it about this movie? Much of it has not aged well, yet... maybe we shouldn't change a thing about it? Andy's and Kitt's mom introduced Andy to this movie. Perfect time capsule. Dante is a bad person. No, he's worse than a bad person-- he's a neutral person. Dante died! That soundtrack. Berkerzer!!! Handwaving over the Weinsteins. Andy's Kevin Smith phase.


Next up, it's Clerks 2 (featuring Ahsoka Tano). Get Clerkin'!

Jan 29, 202401:41:37
You've Got Mail
Jan 15, 202401:48:54
Sleepless in Seattle
Jan 04, 202401:39:32
Joe vs. the Volcano

Joe vs. the Volcano

It's the holidays, so time to celebrate Meg-Ryan-Tom-Hanks-sgiving with the incredibly divisive and weird Joe vs. the Volcano.

Next up is Sleepless in Seattle!

Dec 27, 202301:32:59
Spirited

Spirited

Alright, who hates musicals?!? Then you're going to absolutely be annoyed by Spirited, but we're mixed overall. But those of us who love it still have some problems with it. Is the era of musicals just over? Could you recast this? It's all about Octavia Spencer. Let us see what happens AFTER (even though the movie was too long).

Next episode we're back with Tom Hanks and Meg Ryan, starting with Joe vs the Volcano!

Dec 20, 202301:39:41
Kiss Kiss Bang Bang
Dec 14, 202301:18:18
Babe

Babe

We're starting our trio of alt-holiday films with the talking pig classic, Babe. Why Brooke chose this movie. 1990s Provo Mormon prohibitions on PG13 movies, so... Babe! We didn't expect the social commentary! CHRISTMAS MEANS CARNAGE! Mrs. Farmer Hoggett is underwritten and the kids are annoying! Are the mice annoying? Be nice to retail workers during the holidays, people! Speaking of being dicks, the controversy between George Miller and credit for this movie. A very gentle film that feels Christmas-y even if it isn't all about Christmas.

Next up is KISS KISS BANG BANG.

Nov 26, 202301:12:35
Bull Durham

Bull Durham

There IS crying in baseball, especially for Rangers fans, and especially with this movie. It's Melissa's birthday movie! And Mark is back! The romanticism of minor league baseball. Welcome to Wrexham.


And finally, our trio of alt holiday movies!

Babe (1995)

Kiss Kiss Bang Bang

Spirited (2022) -- note: NOT Spirited Away, which we would love to do but is not a holiday movie and Miyazaki is just too much.

Nov 20, 202301:39:10
Scream VI

Scream VI

It's Scream 6 and the end (for now) of the Scream franchise. Brooke has 30 seconds to summarize all of her problems with this movie.

We rank all of the films and Melissa updates us with her Smash or Pass of all the killers.

For her birthday we're talking baseball and Bull Durham! Then a special surprise trilogy! Listen for what it is!

Nov 13, 202301:32:57
Scream V

Scream V

It's a re-quel, or whatever the kids are calling it these days. Why this movie totally rules, and fixes/elevates some of the problems from Scream 3 and 4. Jack Quaid. Toxic fandom. Nepo babies. And we end it with a game of "Smash or Pass" with all of our spooky season villains, including all the Scream murderers.

Oct 31, 202301:33:39
Scream 4

Scream 4

Like the scream franchise, we're back from a break and ready to talk this return! Isn't this like what Scream 3 was supposed to be? Why do people hate this movie? Who guessed the ending? Lack of progress on racial representation. 2010s and race in Hollywood.

Melissa announces her birthday movie for after Scream 3-- and Go Rangers!

Oct 23, 202301:22:15
Scream 3

Scream 3

It's Scream 3, it's October, welcome to official spooky season! (Also, Go Rangers!) Wes Craven's use of rape, specifically children who are a product of rape being evil. Carrie Fisher! Andy can't remember Clive Barker's Lord of Illusions and starts everyone doing Adam Sandler impressions. Randy sighting! Stab-a-thon! Secret siblings? Dumb trope. Announcing our guided meditation and scream therapy. Circle Stab! Hollywood Stabs-- circle gets the stab! Stab Your Luck! (the biggest giggle fit in the history of the podcast) Scream's influence on mainstream horror. Some self reflection on if violent movies have affected us... nope, it was Dungeons and Dragons all along! Dropout.TV, GameChanger, and Brennan Lee Mulligan. The Dom DM clip we reference: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Bj60InmphBE

Box office, Studio Notes - Murder Throuple Stab Whammy, Best Deaths, Best Song -- Andy wants Creed to get stabbed. The Creed What If music video where Ghostface is murdering them. https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=BkHjFzw1TUg

We don't really want anyone to get stabbed. Anyway, go Rangers! Scream 4 next!

Oct 03, 202301:36:11
Scream 2

Scream 2

It's Scream 2 and Andy, Brooke and Melissa are... talking baseball? Also sequels. And how this is the most stacked supporting cast in the history of sequels... except maybe Sharknado 2. Treatment of Black characters in this movie and franchise. Are there any sequels better than the original?


Next week Scream 3-- go Rangers!

Sep 25, 202301:20:43
Scream

Scream

New series! Why this is the most Xennial movie ever. Intergenerational trauma and absent parents, absent adults. Kevin Williamson, Wes Craven, and more horrible tales of how awful the Weinstiens were. Drew Barrymore and that opening scene. The first "meta" film. Queer coding. Goddamn patriarchy. Rated NC-17 for "viscera." Box office and an insane slate of movies playing in its opening weekend.

Sep 20, 202301:55:48
Indiana Jones and the Dial of Destiny

Indiana Jones and the Dial of Destiny

We say goodbye to Indy with a few tears but lots of analysis, and tangents about dating and patriarchy and legacy like you wouldn't believe! We also rank the Indy films and you won't believe how much we agree and disagree!

Next up we're doing Scream! So pop your popcorn and let's talk about our favorite scary movies!

Sep 11, 202301:41:27
Indiana Jones and the Kingdom of the Crystal Skull
Aug 29, 202301:58:42
Barbie
Aug 18, 202302:16:40
The Secret Life of Walter Mitty
Aug 08, 202301:36:32
Indiana Jones and the Daddy Issues, er, Last Crusade
Jul 31, 202301:49:28
Indiana Jones and the Temple of Doom

Indiana Jones and the Temple of Doom

Indy's back (and so are we!) and most of the crew is back together fresh off our Barbenheimer viewings. History with this movie. PG-13. The sexism and Willie. The racism. But also? This movie has some great stuff-- the mine cart, Short Round, and more. A tangent about Sound of Freedom and Operation Underground Railroad.

Next time back with Last Crusade!

Jul 25, 202301:40:31
Raiders of the Lost Ark

Raiders of the Lost Ark

Don't look Marion! It's Raiders of the Lost Ark, and we have Joe from Tales from the Comic Shop with us. Indy/Star Wars merch nostalgia minute. Melissa is extra salty this week-- we talk briefly about the Texas Rangers. Is this a James Bond movie? Andy breaks out his weirdo George Lucas impression. The elephant in the room re Indy and Marion. George Lucas wanted her to be 11? Great, so he's a sexual predator tomb raider. But also this movie rules. Maybe artifacts like these should remain buried. NAZIS. John Williams score. Studio notes. A side conversation about film, practical effects vs cgi, Alien, and why movies from this era are so special.

Next week we get even more problematic with Temple of Doom!


Jun 05, 202301:43:47
Saturday's Warrior Watch-Along Commentary

Saturday's Warrior Watch-Along Commentary

Watch along with us on YouTube with the Hard to Find Mormon Movies channel.

And we're sorry.

We also take a tiny break right before the "Line Upon Line" song and hit pause for a few minutes. But we tell you when we restart.

Again, we're really really sorry.

May 29, 202301:55:57
Saturday's Warrior

Saturday's Warrior

It's Brooke's birthday so... we watched Saturday's Warrior? We're sorry. You can hear our entire commentary track, too. But here's the short of it. This is terrible. Pam is all the tropes. The Population Bomb, eco-fascism, and white nationalism. The goddamn patriarchy and its part in this.

But join us next time for a movie with slightly fewer Nazis-- Raiders of the Lost Ark!

May 29, 202336:31
Evil Dead Rise

Evil Dead Rise

It's Evil Dead Rise, which was just in theaters! Weirdly, we end up not talking about it that much, but instead go offf on long tangents about Scream, woodchippers, and then Brooke reveals her special birthday movie choice at the end.

It's a doozy, and Andy would like to announce his retirement from the podcast as he has now gone to live in the woodchipper after this episode's studio note.

May 20, 202301:14:00
Evil Dead (2013)

Evil Dead (2013)

Andy, Melissa and Brooke are OVER this one. How did they make the tree rape WORSE? Diablo Cody? The Final Girl trope. No clever sign off because we're just so done.


Next time it's Evil Dead Rise, which is now available on VOD!

May 09, 202339:44
The Cabin the the Woods

The Cabin the the Woods

A quick Evil Dead Rise review! All about Joss Whedon (and Drew Goddard!) Separating art from artist, but... hoo boy. Fran Kranz as Whedon self-insert. MGM's financial troubles and the delays of the movie. Bad test screenings. Harry Knowles, Butt-Numb-a-Thon, and sex pests helping sex pests. Supermarket Sweep. Everything on the whiteboard. Archetypes. Sigourney Weaver is the GOAT. Not a troll-- Dante's Peak. Alt universe versions of this movie made by other directors.

Back next time with 2013's Evil Dead reboot by Fede Alvarez.

May 04, 202301:32:56
Tucker and Dale vs Evil
Apr 10, 202301:03:25
Army of Darkness
Apr 04, 202301:10:16
Evil Dead II

Evil Dead II

What... what IS this movie? Confusing beginning. Horror vs Horror Comedy. Which do we like better? Sam Raimi's use of women characters.


Next week it's Army of Darkness! Groovy!

Mar 27, 202354:17
The Evil Dead (1983)

The Evil Dead (1983)

New season, new franchise! It's The Evil Dead, Sam Raimi's splatterfest cabin in the woods original! Why did Melissa want to do this franchise? What is everyone's experience with these movies? Content and Trigger warning: discussion of sexual assault and rape. The violence towards women in this movie. The production history of this movie. Raimi family connections! Xena! SeaQuest! Introducing our new award: Best kill/death!

Next week, the remake/sequel: Evil Dead 2 - Dead by Dawn.

Mar 21, 202301:13:24
69th Episode Nice Princess Season Wrapup Awards and Oscars Presented by Jeffrey Katzenberg, Co-Founder of Quibi

69th Episode Nice Princess Season Wrapup Awards and Oscars Presented by Jeffrey Katzenberg, Co-Founder of Quibi

It's our 69th (nice) and final episode of Season 2!

Oscar predictions and thoughts. Why Brooke didn't and JB did like Top Gun: Maverick. 


JB's Top "a-Ha!" moments! 

JB's best and worst movies -- one of which makes Andy's head explode

Andy's Best Dogs

JB's Best Sports Moment

Brooke ranks the franchises

Brooke's bests and worsts, including ranking all the birthday/special movies

Andy ranked ALL of the movies on Letterboxd:

https://letterboxd.com/whillice/list/kiss-your-franchise-goodbye-season-2-ranked/

Melissa's worst and best

Melissa's special awards:

  • Changed view
  • Best crotch
  • Best buttplug
  • Misuse of a great actor
  • Best Burt Reynolds near-redemption
  • Movies that made me feel like I'm on drugs
  • Should've been bad, but was good
  • Unpopular opinion award
  • The FAILING UP AWARD
  • Best/Worst songs

Preview of Season 3... get ready for Evil Dead!

And just when you thought we were done... a special post-Oscars reaction. Listen to Andy cry! Women Talking! Melissa still won't be watching RRR. 

Mar 14, 202301:16:58
Creed III

Creed III

It's Creed 3 baby! It's NOT spoiler-free! Please don't listen unless you've seen the movie. How we watched this movie: Cinemark vs. Regal vs. Alamo Drafthouse. Mr T's Treat Your Mother Right 

Brooke's take via the power of editing! Again, not spoiler free. This doesn't feel like a "Rocky" movie because it isn't and feels weirdly disconnected. Can non-fans understand this movie out of context of the franchise? Why do we have to fridge another female character to motivate a main character? Amara, tho. EVERYBODY GO TO THERAPY, but especially men. 

We rank the best fights, the best montages, the best movies. The Cocaine Bear Cinematic Universe. 

Check out Yours, Mine and Theirs who are watching Robin Hood movies! A word about ferrets. 

Then Brooke is back to offer her studio notes and rankings, and she gets the last word on THE definitive ranking of the franchise.

Next week our 69th (nice) and final episode of the 2nd season, a retrospective back on all the franchises and movies we've watched. 

Mar 08, 202302:02:59
Creed II

Creed II

Creed vs Drago, and the winner is all of us! Again, we all love this movie. Dinner scenes. Phylicia Rashad, Tessa Thompson, and BRIGITTE!! Dads and babies. Embarrassing Russian lessons with Andy. Weird tangents at the end about running/kinesiology/mental toughness, Nile Rogers, watching movies with Andy and Kitt's parents (these are all separate tangents).

Next week Creed III comes out! We'll have a new episode early the next week after it comes out with no spoilers to give everyone a chance to see it. But we'll also rank our favorite fights, montages, and movies across the series. 


Feb 28, 202301:23:59
Creed

Creed

It's Creed! Is the best Rocky movie actually Creed? Ryan Coogler. Check out the Patreon for our discussion on Fruitvale Station. Check out Roy on Yours, Mine, and Theirs.

Creed II is next!

Feb 22, 202301:14:59
Grave of the Fireflies
Feb 13, 202301:09:60
Rocky Balboa
Feb 06, 202301:23:47
Rocky V
Feb 02, 202301:28:29
Rocky IV

Rocky IV

It's Rocky IV and Andy doesn't understand Roman numerals. The whole gang is back including Roy Fillmore and he and Andy promise not to talk about the Director's Cut too much. We break that promise over and over. But seriously, watch the theatrical cut. Roy's sexual awakening. Paulie. The sex robot. Drago isn't Soviet enough. "Oh no, it's Brigitte!" We re-enact a 1990 SNL sketch of Sly Stallone and other Hollywood stars giving hockey ideas to Wayne Gretzky. It's propaganda. Disagreement over whether this is a good movie or not.

At about the 2 hour mark, Andy sits down with his former LDS mission companion Jared to talk about searching for Russian copies of Rocky IV in Volgograd in the late 90's. 

Next week: a movie that doesn't exist! Don't watch Rocky V. We'll watch so you don't have to.

Jan 23, 202302:27:26
Rocky III

Rocky III

Our prediction? PAIN as Roy Fillmore from Yours, Mine and Theirs joins us again. This is the template movie for everything else. Adrian is the best. Carl Weathers' shoulders. Andy's rant about why 1982 was the best summer of movies ever. 

Watch Rocky IV for next week-- probably the theatrical cut but if you want to watch the new Director's Cut you can do that too.

Jan 16, 202302:05:17
Rocky II

Rocky II

Roy is back for a rematch talking Rocky II!  The nueroscience of changing from southpaw to righty. Stallone's injury. "You're great!" subtitle. Twitter mail to Creed! Socioeconomics and gender norms of "the man provides." A birdwalk about Mormonism, women having careers, LGBTQ acceptance, etc. Roy is The Best Mormon. The Catholic Church robbed Melissa of her ambidexterity. International Rocky II posters ("Revanche!") and merch. NIGHTHAWKS! Watch Sylvester Stallone on The Muppet Show. 

Pity the Fool with Clubber Lang in Rocky III next week.

Check out the Patreon for too-spicy-for-main chat at: https://www.patreon.com/kissyourfranchisegoodbye

Jan 09, 202301:44:57
Lords of Flatbush Trailer - Listen on Patreon!

Lords of Flatbush Trailer - Listen on Patreon!

We're launching our Patreon with movies too spicy for the main feed. Hear this two minute preview as Andy and Brooke talk the Rocky-adjacent film The Lords of Flatbush, but we also talk about the history of condoms, the Gilmore Girls, crying fetishes, and Andy's dalliance with screenwriting during the LDS cinema boomlet in the early 2000's.

https://www.patreon.com/kissyourfranchisegoodbye


Jan 07, 202302:28
Rocky

Rocky

We're joined by Roy from Yours, Mine and Theirs, where he and Andy also talked about Rocky two years ago! Roy, Brooke and Andy think this is probably the best live action franchise ever. JB disagrees, as there's a lot of clunky character stuff at the beginning: you want to just put on Rocky 3 or 4. It's hard to separate this movie from the later films. It's even harder to separate it from the filming process itself and what it meant culturally. Apollo Creed RULES. The politics of this thing are all over the place. The date scene is super rapey. 

More next week with Rocky II! 

And please subscribe to the Patreon to hear Brooke and Andy talk dirty about Lords of Flatbush. https://www.patreon.com/kissyourfranchisegoodbye


Jan 01, 202301:53:39
Lady Vengeance

Lady Vengeance

The two old boys are back to talk about Lady Vengeance? (Everyone is back next time for Rocky-- we promise!) It's a Christmas movie? Decision to Leave and Hitchcock. The visuals of this film and use of color. 

A long weird side conversation about the filmography of David Koepp.  

Back next time with Rocky!

Dec 31, 202201:59:29
Dirty Rotten Franchise

Dirty Rotten Franchise

It's a Melissa birthday pick with the Michael Caine/Steve Martin two-hander Dirty Rotten Scoundrels. We just need some happiness and joy. Steve Martin's kinesthetic acting. Michael Caine's oily hair... or is it crusty? First impressions from first time watches. This is a remake? And there's been another remake? This could have been a Mick Jagger/David Bowie movie. Don't watch Bedtime Story or The Hustle. The problematic stuff. But overall this movie really holds up!

One of us was naked this whole time.

Next week we start The Vengeance Trilogy, and contrary to what we say on the show, do not watch Oldboy first, watch Sympathy for Mr. Vengeance, and DEFINITELY don't watch the Oldboy remake.

Nov 28, 202201:26:26
State of the Franchise 2022 - Our 100th Episode!

State of the Franchise 2022 - Our 100th Episode!

Hear ye, hear ye, hear ye! Andy is here to lay down the Robert's Rules of Order and lay this episode on the table.

The state of the franchise is amazingly strong, with theaters open and basically every major movie coming out in 2023 some sort of sequel, reboot, or adaptation of an existing property. Some of them sound great, some of them sound terrible. 

Also, it's finally happening: we're doing a patreon and starting a multi-year project where we're going to watch every single Hitchcock movie. Yikes. Find us on https://www.patreon.com/kissyourfranchisegoodbye as we promise all sorts of exclusive embarrassing content.

Our adventuring party rolls for initiative, D&D style, and Melissa, JB, Kitt, Brooke, and Andy nominate our franchises for season 3. We're also adding one fan-chosen franchise next year! Listen to what we chose and enjoy the strange concoction of artsy, musical, and popcorn we have planned. 

Next week we're watching DIRTY ROTTEN SCOUNDRELS to celebrate Melissa's birthday, and then we're heading into Vengeance Trilogy territory! Get ready!

Nov 23, 202201:24:24