Kiss Your Franchise Goodbye

Kiss Your Franchise Goodbye

By Andy Wilson
A movie podcast about film franchises, their ups and downs, franchises that worked, franchises that failed, franchises that never were.
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Kiss Your Franchise Goodbye

Casino Not So Royale

Kiss Your Franchise Goodbye

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Never Say Never Again
Sean Connery is back! And he should've stayed gone. Returning champ Melissa joins us again.  This is a terrible movie. Why is this movie? and Kevin McClory's ability to remake Thunderball as many times as he wants.  Melissa had to watch it twice.  We remember this movie from our childhood (and other childhood theater-going experiences).  Bad 80's technology. War Games. Mark wouldn't make it into the CIA because he can't play Domination. The terrible theme song. The Bond template. The most Male Gaze-y of any Bond movie. Sean Connery's nipples. Embracing your age and getting better looking. Rowan Atkinson!  Max Von Sydow double feature with Strange Brew. Either/Either? Fatima's overly complex murders. She's the best part of the movie. They took her motorcycle away and gave it to Bond! Bond's pee. Why would Connery want to come back? Why do we even like the Bond movies if there are so many terrible ones. Brooke and Mark try to beat Andy up again about Invisible Man. Sharks! But isn't this just another mediocre white man skating along on reputation rather than actually being good? Men who secretly  like rape scenes in movies. Bond writes the Harvey Weinstein/Matt Lauer book of sexual assault. Thunderball vs. Never Say Never Again: Who did it better? Next week: Top Secret! 
2:11:43
June 29, 2020
Octopussy
We're joined by Returning Champion Melissa, who used to do a Doctor Who podcast with Mark and Andy! Her Abuelo loved these movies and she has lots of questions about why we would ever like them? We all agree (FINALLY!)-- this one is terrible. When should we cancel movies and creators? Can Melissa have a whip? We talk a LOT about not Octopussy because the movie is bad and makes no sense. Things that are making us happy and other movies, books, and podcasts.
1:58:43
June 22, 2020
Black Lives Matter
Taking a break from James Bond to acknowledge *gestures vaguely* all of this. Our regular crew welcome a team of some of our favorite Black geeks and experts to talk about all of the media from Black creators that have shaped America, have shaped us. Because Black Lives Matter, and Black Culture is American Culture, and so many of the things we love come from Black creatives. Find Jay Whittaker @ItsJayWhittaker on Twitter and Instagram. Check out Full Feather Friday every week! Find Kay-B @TheLadyKayB on Twitter and Instagram. Find Dr. Paul White on Twitter at @Dr_Zil_Roars Find Sandee Moore on Insta  at s_morebeauty  We talk movies, tv, and a host of other things we love. How film criticism/promotion reinforces structural racism. What's a franchise you'd resurrect? Shout out to other Black creators we love to follow: Brian D Johnson: insta: BJ The Dreamer Dupe Aleru: Insta: dupealeru Porscha Newton: insta: porscha_newton VIranda Michelle: insta: virandamichelle Prince Rafael: insta: tweetfromnext Karen Rodriguez La Paz: Insta: krod_gold Tabitha Brown: Insta: iamtabithabrown Support The Movement For Black Lives by reading their demands and finding more about how to join in their Juneteenth mass mobilization at https://sixnineteen.com/ Find a local mutual aid society and donate to them or to local groups working to bail activists out of jail.
1:47:51
June 14, 2020
For Your Ears Only
Welcome to our partner for June, the Freaky Geeks Podcast, part of the Geek Nerd Network (GNN). Check them out here or wherever fine podcasts are sold.  Jon from Yours, Mine, and Theirs is back! Check them out, and Andy, Mark and Brooke should be guesting on there in the next few weeks.  For Your Eyes Only - it's a mess, but some of us have fond memories associated with it. Sheena Easton! Her performance at the Oscars is incredible. The opening scene with "Blofeld." We hate Bibi. Melina has resting revenge face. Old Man Moore. Watcher in the Woods and bad parenting.  The Most Star Wars Bond movie. More Poseidon evidence.  Flash Gordon + Empire Strikes Back = ? Playboy flower girls. Bond. . . is a good person in this movie? Mountain climbing. Preview of Yours, Mine and Theirs, and reminder to check out Safe Words Aloud.  On Her Majesty's Secret Podcast will return in. . . Octopussy. 
1:53:34
June 3, 2020
The {Blank} {Blank} (Secret Episode!)
It's Brooke's birthday, so we take a break from James Bond to talk about one of her favorite movies ever. Guesses on what that movie is. No one guessed it. Why we love this movie. What's problematic AF about it. Behind the scenes history. Box office. How we would reboot or remake. What are our other favorite rom-coms? Why don't we make them any more? Why are they not more diverse? 
1:35:35
May 26, 2020
Moonraker (on Cough Syrup)
Brooke is high on sizzurup and you can tell because she liked Moonraker. We're joined by returning champs Sarah and Doug. Everyone in this movie is two opposite things. Why there are letters on mountains in Utah. Brooke REALLY wants to talk about the theme song, but first, skydiving. "Fly Me To the Moon" would've been great. Birds were DEFINITELY harmed in the making of this movie. But her being mauled by dogs was shot so artfully. Enter the Michael G. Wilson. Bringing a wooden sword to a glass room Bond fight.  So many bits.  Chemistry with Dr. Goodhead. The Jaws/Clown head is nightmare fuel. All Latin American countries and people are the same to this movie. FINALLY we get to space. Worst. Space Battle. EVER. Our next episode is a secret!
1:43:39
May 19, 2020
The Spy Who Loved Me
Andy serenades us with Nobody Does It Better. Brooke did NOT like this movie while Mark and Andy both think it's the best Roger Moore movie. Is it boring? Cinematography. JAWS! We make a mistake about which Adam Sandler movie Richard Kiel was in. Naomi, tho. She was also in the Adam Ant "Goody Two Shoes" video: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=o41A91X5pns Mark needs a GoFundMe to buy the Wet Nellie from Elon Musk. We almost forgot about Stromberg. . . because he's a forgettable villain. Avery Brooks. Go watch Picard and Discovery. We all agree on our studio notes at least!
1:41:28
May 11, 2020
The Man With the Golden Gun
Christopher Lee, tho. 20 minutes of us fawning over Christopher Lee and then 20 minutes of us hating on Sheriff Pepper.  The AMC Hornet and the slide whistle. Mitt Romney! The women in this movie are horribly written. Nick Nack, tho! Scaramanga has a point that he and Bond are the same, only he's getting paid. Solar energy myths and facts. Every artist in the early 70's who could do a better theme song than Lulu, and a few that couldn't. 
1:48:57
May 4, 2020
Zardoz!
Zardoz! (Content and Trigger Warning for this episode: sexual assault and discussion of rape and assault). We blame Mark for making us watch this. Rape alarm! No, it's just Facetime. Did we see an edited version of this movie? The BYU Cougar Theatre showed edited movies - Did Andy and Brooke see The Hunt For Red October there? This plot is inexplicable, but we try to explain it anyway. Why do you have a magic ring that can show you anything and still have a bad animation of an erection? Tying sex and violence together is bad. Throwing bread at zombies from a rickshaw is a thing in the future, apparently. Could've solved all of these problems if these three had just boned. Did Connery look younger? Weird parallels to The Man With the Golden Gun. 
1:01:58
May 1, 2020
Live and Let Die
We’re joined by Candace who loves James Bond thanks to her mom. Mr. Big has a big payroll and big revolving door budget. Favorite fashion decades. Blaxploitation. Rosie’s agency vs. Solitaire’s agency. Trigger warning: discussion of sexual assault and rape. And wackiness/hijinks. Kananga’s death. Sheriff Pepper is THE WORST. More rape discussion (it gets a little heavy, folks). Random observations. A giant fight about Paul McCartney and the theme song. Box Office. Studio Notes.  Stick around after the end for Baby Alligator sounds and a guy singing "Yesterday" with a baby alligator from https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=rPsfzXPVsJs
2:15:56
April 20, 2020
011 - Our Podcast Flint
Andy and Mark take on Derek Flint (James Coburn) in the Bond-inspired spy movies Our Man Flint and In Like Flint.  More Austin Powers connections.  Derek Flint is a Mary Sue. The Mediocre Seven. A long tangent about westerns, James Mangold, and Wolverine. Derek Flint is very American! Batgirl or Lily Munster? Flint vs. Batman '66. Just two dudes deciding whether something is feminist or not. Day of the Dolphin. Still better than Casino Royale. Mark thinks he could kick Coburn's ass. Respect to bouillabaisse accuracy. Look-- it's Hans Gruber! Why is this positive on Rotten Tomatoes? Next up are Live and Let Die, Zardoz and so on with the Moore movies. Lee J. Cobb is the Angriest of the 12 Angry Men. 
55:07
April 13, 2020
Diamonds/Connerys are Forever
Jon from Yours, Mine and Theirs is back to talk Diamonds are Forever. He also has a new podcast where he reads audiobooks that don’t exist called Safe Words Aloud (Apple link—other links below).  What if Bert Reynolds or Adam West had been Bond? Sean Connery got PAID. Should we watch Zardoz? Go to the Facebook group and vote for it you want it.  Vegas in its 60’s glory. Jimmy Dean. Bambi and Thumper. Howard Hughes. Charles Grey – the best Blofeld? Also the worst and dumbest Blofeld. Overly complicated diamond smuggling plot. Helicopter quota? SLOW car chase. Chris Elliot – Get a Life. Chris Elliot Cinematic Universe. Shirley Bassey and the theme song. Kidd and Wint are definitely gay. Thanks, I hate them! Dune buggy escape. Our best astronaut actors. Did you know Bryan Cranston played Gus Grissom? Jumping the shark. Is Blofeld a good guy? How did we forget Tiffany Case? Bad gadgets. Blofeld in drag. Is this movie braless? Saying goodbye to Connery. Has the franchise never really set up Blofeld properly?  Yours Mine and Theirs is getting weird with their newest poll on concert movies - go vote. https://safewordsaloud.blogspot.com/ Youtube playlist of Jon reading latest book.
1:52:02
April 6, 2020
On Her Majesty's Secret Podcast
George Lazenby - we stan a legend. And we bring in guests Sarah and Doug to talk this movie and cars! The other fellow. Lazenby's history. King of the haymakers. The porn parody. Is Bond Poseidon? No one says no to Diana Rigg. Bond's blonde partner is hopeless. The Int'l House of Allergic Women. Sexism? In a BOND movie? Why does Blofeld care about being a lord? Genealogy - I am doing it! Long skiing sequences. Sarah's guide to surviving a blizzard. Helicopters. A Defense of Little Nelly by Doug. Long bobsled rides. Should Bond cry? Slave contracts. PR tours. 
2:30:38
March 31, 2020
Darby O'Gill and the Little (Mandela Effect) People
QUICK! SOMEBODY CHANGED DARBY O'GILL!! Featuring special guest Dr. Debra! Watch her Ted Talk here! Watch Bond on PlutoTV now. But seriously, Brooke remembers this movie totally differently. It was The Gnome Mobile. They're called "The Mary Poppins children." The Parent Trap gives us trust issues. Scary Disney. Audio proof that the Disney+ version of Darby O'Gill and the Little People isn't the same. (Andy had more thoughts on this on Bleeding Cool) Is this feminist? Half a Bechdel. Pretty Irish Girl is a pretty great theme song. Our wishes. Stay safe!
1:13:13
March 17, 2020
Casino Not So Royale
Andy and Mark take on the not at all funny "spoof" Casino Royale starring David Niven, Peter Sellers, and Ursula Andress. What even is this movie? It's not funny. Peter Sellers peaces out. The Look of Love. Austin Powers. Orson Welles. Don't watch this movie. Daniel Craig and Eva Green. We spend almost more time talking about Knives Out than Casiso Royale. What do we do with the extra 10 weeks of podcast? Jack Ryan? Let us know in the Facebook group or leave us a voice message! New theme song by Danny Wilson//D9 Robot (subscribe to his YouTube channel here for more beats and remixes) and remixed/produced for the podcast by Andy. 
1:12:06
March 13, 2020
You Only Live Twice ... aka Ninjas in Volcanoes
The regular crew is back, Brooke is bored, Mark loves Japanese culture, and Andy is disturbed by screenwriter Roald Dahl. John Barry and the score. Bond's not really dead?!?! The middle section of the movie is so boring we just talk about The Rock for 5 minutes because his grandpa is in the movie. Bond probably agrees with DJ Khaled. Why is Bond anti-redhead? Ninjas in volcanoes! (finally). Best lines, best side characters. Introducing: Studio Notes! Our next two episodes are Casino Royale (1967) and Darby O'Gill and the Little People. Last week to vote in our poll for what to name this podcast series: https://www.facebook.com/groups/kissyourfranchisegoodbye/ Also, don't forget to vote for real! It's Super Tuesday! (We already all voted early and discuss who we voted for. Andy is cancelling Brooke and Mark forever for voting for the wrong people. Like Blofeld, he doesn't tolerate failure or dissent. . .) You can watch Casino Royale on HBO Go and Darby O'Gill on Disney+
1:22:56
March 3, 2020
Thunderball
Welcoming guests old and new-- Roy, JB and now Jon from Your, Mine and Theirs. Why this podcast is called Kiss Your Franchise Goodbye. Star Wars Prequel Talk! Thunderball! What is a thunderball? Why Jon likes Domino. Largo. Gendered guns, swimming. VARGAS! An uncomfortable discussion about underwater sex. Blofeld. Paula. Fiona. Fiona's bike. Andy tries to defend The Living Daylights. Legal intrigue! Warhead 1999! Thunderball's box office.
2:14:16
February 24, 2020
Goldfinger
Andy, Brooke and Mark sing a lot about Goldfinger. Trgger warning for rape and sexual assault. That theme song. A duck? Disposable and replaceable (brown) women. Oddjob's many hats. The return of Wolf Mankeweitz. We love the Masterson sisters. The car. James Bond's magic penis. Now Goldfinger has a hat! He loves GOLD!
1:53:03
February 20, 2020
From Russia With Love
With Special Guests Roy Fillmore and JB Flinders from Yours, Mine and Theirs podcast. Mark is back as our Pedro Armendáriz but Brooke is out sick. Why Andy loves Yours, Mine and Theirs. Living Daylights hate. A-ha vs. Duran Duran. HANK SCORPIO. Andy loves The Cold War. And trains. The periscope. Russian lessons. Diagetic soundtracks. The women of From Russia With Love were less strong characters except for Rosa Klebb. Belly dancing and the Superbowl Halftime Show.  The video game! Pedro Armendariz and Robert Shaw. We're just a Jaws podcast now. And Star Wars. And Rocky IV. Side characters make the movie. Films are better when directors and productions are constrained. When will Bond turn off the shower! DJ Fog Machine suitcase. Mary Poppins. Bond: the girl or the mission? Changing views of the "secret agent" type from heroic to "necessary evils."
1:52:32
February 11, 2020
Dr. No
Andy, Brooke, and Mark take on the first Bond movie, Dr. No. But first, vote on what this season of the podcast should be called by joining our Facebook Group: https://www.facebook.com/groups/kissyourfranchisegoodbye/ History of the James Bond film rights from Ian Fleming to Harry Saltzman and Albert Broccoli. No, this story is NOT made up. Darby O'Gill and the Little People. Dr. No is great. What is with Three Blind Mice? The first 20 minutes are amazing. Take Brooke to Vegas. Felix Leiter is a Backstreet Boy. The spider scene and Attack of the Clones. Orientalism and yellowface. Honey Rider knows lots of things. Sean Connery's process. What is Dr. No's plan again? How Mark would get in trouble at church. Dr. No? YES!
1:42:42
February 5, 2020
Bond, James Bond
Our pilot episode of "Kiss Your Franchise Goodbye" we discuss the history of the Bond films, our best/worst films, Bonds, theme songs, and others. Join host Andy Wilson, Brooke Heym, and Mark De Leon as we begin a discussion of the Bond franchise and what makes it still resonate seven decades in.
1:38:55
January 30, 2020