"She Seems So Normal" by Leigh Mackenzie

We wrap up the season with a bonus episode: The end narrative, final notes, and the rest of the 23rd psalm.

How appropriate this final episode publishes three days after my 52nd birthday, on the 23rd of 2023? God has a crazy sense of humor.

What's next for me? Stay tuned. Look for anxiety toolkit workshops, an anxiety strategy workbook and new discussion guide for SSSN on Amazon, and a BRAND NEW BOOK I'm writing with co-author Randy Petersen called "Stories Not Shared On Sundays" that we cannot wait to share with you soon.

The final gripping chapter in "She Seems So Normal" as the Holy Spirit helps me finally - truly - forgive, confront, and heal. You can't make this stuff up, Friends.

Get the full story and all the resources:

Can we release others from their part in our suffering and pain? Is it possible to forgive the unforgivable? Is there absolution for abusers in heaven above - are s3xual predators saved from hell? With Jesus, the answer is yes.

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A little girl abandoned in a dark cave, afraid she's all alone until she encounters a shining man with kind, gentle eyes with scarred feet and wrists. Can she trust him?

**TW: While this is a creative fiction story, it may be triggering for anyone who has endured CSA, considered su!d!dal ideation, or felt isolated in the extreme.

In this episode, I also speak about the very public su!c!des of Anthony Bourdain and Kate Spade in 2018.

***WARNING: Though there is nothing explicit or overly descriptive, this episode contains material about su!cide ideation and depression.***

As someone who's struggled with mental health and trauma, I often wondered if I was disqualified not just from Christian service, but from being Christian...

(Did I mention we're tackling hard questions here?) 

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I wonder if mental illness struggles are the "new leprosy" inside the Bride of Christ. No one wants to talk about or touch it, and if you say you’re getting counseling, people appear nervous or seemingly avoid you each time you enter the room.

-->>The National Su!cide Prevention Lifeline is a United States-based suicide prevention network of over 160 crisis centers that provides 24/7 service via a toll-free hotline with the number 1-800-273-8255. It is available to anyone in su!cidal crisis or emotional distress.< --->>>If You Know Someone in Crisis

TW: Dysfunctional food and eating issues are covered in this episode along with body dysmorphia and how it tied to my childhood grooming.

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Gah. Still struggle with this. That's why it's so HARD to release this one. 

There are some things that might always be broken in my brain. Can we ever heal from trauma? Anything's possible with Jesus, but I believe we just get better as we follow Him.

Yeesh. Feet. 

Who knew they were such a massive trigger for me? 

It all goes back to childhood memories and flashbacks I could never resolve until now. Friends, I am so thankful to know the truth, to find understanding, and to gain power over my past through the wisdom, knowledge, and love of the Holy Spirit and others. 

LOTS OF COPING STRATEGIES IN THIS EPISODE! It's like "Where's Waldo?" Can you identify and list them all?

How many times do we write narratives about ourselves or others completely SABOTAGING our relationships? We make assumptions not based in reality or fact, we think we "know" someone when we haven't even given them the benefit of the doubt or a chance to prove us wrong...

My session started with being married to Christopher for almost three decades... and ended up someplace WILDLY DIFFERENT, WAY BIGGER, and RIDICULOUSLY REVOLUTIONARY.

K, I'm so excited about this one! It's the last of the Three B's, BLESSING, and then we're gonna look upward toward heaven to examine God's Unlimited Toolbox! 

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Three B's for your Anxiety Toolbox: BREATH + BRAIN + BLESSING = DE-ESCALATION.

Chatting about the first two of three B's today. You won't wanna miss this...

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This is a 3-part series on trauma. Today, we talk about negative coping tools.

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There's a HUGE difference between the spiritual practice of solitude and the enemy's methods of isolation. In this episode, I'm gonna share a few secrets of how d'Evil plays his wicked game and how you can defeat him.

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Can you do a new thing, pivot, and go in a new direction? OF COURSE YOU CAN! I did. Just ask NICODEMUS...

Speaking of NICODEMUS, this religion-led dude figures it all out after a fifteen-minute convo with the Savior, but takes a "piano, piano" approach over time--little by little growing his courage of conviction. It's a rockin story. I think you'll dig it.

We can stop cycles if we choose to CHANGE instead of leaving things to CHANCE...

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To know more about Jesus as Lord and Savior:

Where does God reside in our BROKENNESS? 

How does JESUS feel about our suffering? 

What does the Holy Spirit say about YOUR Broken Self?

You might be surprised.

Music trips my trigger like nothing else. 

See, my solo school singing stopped after my preschool graduation when I was just five years old. 

However, you're gonna hear me sing twice on this episode... yeah, it's scary and vulnerable to do it here, but you're getting the real vintage me. 

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Friends, there are times when you're healing that it seems like there's just too much to fix. You wonder if you'll ever be better, ever have your ISH together... 

I got to the point of asking God if I was just too screwed up to be normal. 

(Are we allowed to say "screwed up" as nice Church people? Heck, yeah, on this podcast we are!)

However, there are stories throughout the Bible to strengthen us, friends surrounding us who are cheering us on, and maybe even family members who really need us to keep going and following Jesus. Scripture says we overcome d'Evil by the blood of the lamb and the word of our testimony about Jesus (Revelation 12:11). So that's what I'm gonna keep doing.

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Shame sucks. 

Research professor Dr. Brené Brown says to overcome shame, you have to speak what's unspeakable. What are we waiting for? 

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*****TW: Since it's National Suicide Prevention Month, I'll discuss about my own un-aliving struggles.***

If you or someone you know are struggling with this issue, please seek support and help immediately.

Share this podcast episode--it's a little longer, around ten minutes, but it's worth it if it saves someone's life.

RESOURCES: 

"There's a big difference between quietly communing with the Father on a hilltop (solitude) and sharing communion with the enemy in our heads (isolation). One spiritually blesses and builds us up; the other spiritually bludgeons and bleeds us dry."

How do YOU handle stress and anxiety?

Can God piece me back together? Is there any way to be valuable after trauma? 

The answer to both questions is a resounding YES!

Sometimes you're too far into therapy to step back out again or stop, but it seems like you'll have to endure an epic odyssey to get through it. This is where I found myself at this point of the narrative, desiring to go back to who I was before (she was at least "functioning") but knowing I couldn't. 

I remind myself a little bit of the Israelites traveling with Moses longing to return to slavery in this episode. 

***TW: This episode alludes to a very short portion child r@pe and s*xual vi0lence without describing it in detail and includes my PTSD/trauma reactions to finally unraveling the mystery of the Red Room.***

Have you or someone you know been the victim of CSA? What advice do you have for others who have survived?

"... even Satan disguises himself as an angel of light." 2 Corinthians 11:14 (NASB)

Have you ever been duped by a demon? Ever considered spiritual warfare? Let's just say that satan is a dirty dealer, a liar, and the master manipulator, shall we? When he convinces little girls to isolate, to covet, envy, and hate all the good in others' lives because she wants what they have for herself, you see him for what he is: evil.

EXCITING NEWS: She Seems So Normal: Shatter the Plastic Princess, Embrace Authentic Faith will be published in November 2022! Follow me on IG @xoxo_leighmackenzie and on FB at Leigh Mackenzie. 

SPIRITUAL WARFARE RESOURCES: 

FORGET 50/50.

Marriage is always 60/40. You never know who's giving what or where you're sliding on the scale in that 20% spread, especially when you've been married 30 years like Christopher and me.

"Cancer SUCKS - Becoming Orphans" is about the TRAUMA of losing a parent inside of the TRAUMA of a world pandemic inside the TRAUMA of reconciling my own history as an extremely shattered Christian.

This is a BREAKING POINT stretch, Friends. 

However, it's also where we see what kinda man my husband Christopher is--listen in and love him. He's a freakin champion.

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RESOURCES: These are suggested resources, not endorsements, I thought could be helpful if you or someone you know is grieving.

**TW/CW: This episode contains discussion of ED (specifically an0rexia and bul!im!a), and vague su!cide and runaway ideations.**

Any parents or tweens or teens here? (Raise yo hands! We need prayer!)

The TEENAGER. She's a toughie, huh? I lived 35+ years with mine inside my head and she was a DOOZIE! 

This episode's a little longer, but PLEASE listen till the end. It'll be worth it. 

xoxo,Leigh

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Ever been emotionally hijacked... by your OWN BRAIN? 

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My husband Christopher tells me he's leaving for business. A month in advance. Cuz he's thoughtful and kind like that. 

I completely WIG OUT. WHY?

You might think I'm crazy for asking, BUT...

Have you ever 

imagined people from the Bible as Disney characters

OR

applied a rose-colored kaleidoscope to Scripture 

when it comes to strong emotions like ANGER?

I laughed writing this episode thinking about Moses and meditating on King David. Sadly, I had to cut one of my favorite illustrations about Jonah's anger... so here's something special that can only be found in the podcast notes!

:

"Even surly, barfed-up Jonah, after reluctantly preaching repentance for three days

throughout Ninevah to save the evil empire, vomits his own anger onto God for not witnessing

the judgment and instant destruction of 120, 000 Assyrian city-dwellers. Jonah did NOT do anger

well, and personally, I won’t copy his example, but God listened to his chosen prophet’s outrage,

quietly responding without words using a hungry worm. (Let that be another warning to us about

Hey, Friends! It's Leigh. I took a few weeks off to finish up edits on the book, "She Seems So Normal: Shattering the Plastic Princess, Embracing Authentic Faith" but we're back on track for more podcast episodes!

A walk into darkness. Learned Helpless and Trained Powerlessness. Elephants. Pointed questions answered.

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**POTENTIAL TRIGGER WARNING EPISODE** Though there is no explicit content, some listeners may have a trauma-triggered response. 

Subject matter contains vague descriptions of SA, r@pe, intimidation, and coercion.

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I thought my experience was a relic of a bygone era. Sadly, we haven't come very far. Earlier this year in January/February 2022, every major online news source reported a startling epidemic of more than 150 SA cases at the US Air Force Academy at Colorado Springs, US Military Academy at West Point, and US Naval Academy at Annapolis. These are just the cadets and midshipmen who felt safe enough to come forward to report their abuse.

**POTENTIAL TRIGGER WARNING: Contains potentially mature content. Vague descriptions of hazing, intimidation, and coercion.**

What do grenades have to do with a trauma journey?

In 1989, I received my congressional nomination for the prestigious US Military Academy at West Point, and though I believe the culture has changed in the decades since I attended, my story focuses on what it used to be back then and how the system solidified parts of the Plastic Princess I became.

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“The women in the Class of 1980—the first to include female cadets—were able to say unequivocally they were treated differently because of their sex. They spoke of the @ssaults and h@rassment they faced both at the academy and once they entered the Army.