Doing Divorce Different A Podcast Guide to Doing Divorce Differently
By Lesa Koski
Doing Divorce Different A Podcast Guide to Doing Divorce DifferentlyJan 24, 2023
Saddle Up Segment: Reclaiming Power From Your Past
Saddle Up Segments are bite-size, bonus episodes offering one thing that our listeners can do right away to add value to their life. Today I am sharing my experience with taking Johanna’s advice from Tuesday’s episode and seeing if I can release my anxiety. Johanna recommended closing your eyes, picturing the person where you think the unresolved issues came from, and letting them know that it’s impacting your life and you’d like to give the emotion back. Tune in to hear what I did and if I think it worked for my anxiety. Like what you're hearing? Be sure to check out the full-length episodes and new releases every Tuesday.
Resources:
The Family Imprint Institute Instagram
Email: connect@johannalynn.ca
To receive real-time alerts that your child is safe, visit https://www.soberlink.com/partners/different
I am so honored to introduce my FREE Co-Parenting Masterclass. This masterclass shares tools to co-parent well even with a difficult co-parent. You will learn the 5 C's of a Co-Parenting Plan and a free bonus resource with Certified Divorce Lending Specialist, Tami Wollensak, sharing what you want to consider regarding the family home. Sign up to receive a video replay at https://www.lesakoski.com/co-parenting-masterclass
Lessons from the Heart: Discover The Invaluable Insights That Divorce Can Offer About Oneself and the Dynamics of Marriage with Johanna Lynn
Today I am joined by therapist, Johanna Lynn. We discuss the form of therapy she does, which explores epigenetics and unresolved family trauma in order to understand how it affects generations to come. She walks me through how to uncover where my unresolved anxiety may be coming from and how to put a stop to passing that down to my grandchildren. Johanna then discusses what self-regulation is and how to bring it into practice when you are feeling triggered. The information she provides really helps to open your eyes and see that your “issues” may not actually be yours, and there is an opportunity to heal them. This was such a fascinating episode, and I can’t wait for you to listen!
In this episode:
[1:55] Johanna shares her story. [5:42] Johanna explains how her style of therapy works with looking at how you were loved. [8:46] Breaking generational patterns so we don’t pass the trauma down to our children. [10:44] Johanna walks Lesa through uncovering where her anxiety comes from. [14:28] Johanna gives an example of healing generational incomplete or unprocessed grief or trauma. [17:20] What is self regulation? [20:45] How do you bring self regulation and awareness into practice? [24:12] What is one thing listeners could do to start uncovering what generational things may be coming up for themselves.
Key Takeaways:
[18:06] When you are searching for a therapist or counselor, make sure that they are self regulated. A lot of therapists get into this work to sort out their own stuff and they end up passing it along to their clients. [21:12] When you have gone through your own self regulation work, you are able to trust yourself more, and not give yourself away for connection. You have more boundaries, are more grounded, and have a better idea of who you want to be instead of having the environment around you squeeze you into something you’ve learned in your family. [24:52] The more you know your family history, the more well equipped you can be with your own healing.
Quotes:
“The idea that how we were loved as a child imprints how we show up to love and, even how we navigate separation. And so for me, it was such a time to learn when everything was so raw and so vulnerable. It really allowed me to be more humble and take a look at things with a fresh perspective.” - Johanna Lynn
“How do you help yourself self regulate? You clear out your influences of the past. You start to understand - Ooh, that's my great grandma's anxiety. And that's the lens I've been looking at my decisions and my relationships through. This is how my body has been responding, but gosh, maybe it's not even mine.” - Johanna Lynn
"It's a little bit like unpacking your trunk before we're able to fully go on that vacation. We've got to make space for the new stuff that we want to welcome in. And we don't recognize what our blind spots are. They're still a part of us.” - Johanna Lynn
Guest Bio:
Johanna has been connected to the world of separation and divorce for 15 years, originally due to her personal situation, then as a systemic therapist focusing on restoring relationships.
Resources:
The Family Imprint Institute Instagram
Email: connect@johannalynn.ca
To receive real-time alerts that your child is safe, visit https://www.soberlink.com/partners/different
I am so honored to introduce my FREE Co-Parenting Masterclass. This masterclass shares tools to co-parent well even with a difficult co-parent. You will learn the 5 C's of a Co-Parenting Plan and a free bonus resource with Certified Divorce Lending Specialist, Tami Wollensak, sharing what you want to consider regarding the family home. Sign up to receive a video replay at https://www.lesakoski.com/co-parenting-masterclass
Saddle Up Segment: The Importance of a Power of Attorney During a Divorce
Saddle Up Segments are bite-size, bonus episodes offering one thing our listeners can do right away to add value to their life. There are things you need to think about when you’re going through divorce when it comes to estate planning. This includes your power of attorney and health care directive, which really should be updated, if necessary, during the divorce in case anything happens to you during the divorce process. After the divorce you’ll be able to update beneficiaries, your will, and trust, but discussions can happen during the divorce process for this as well, to see if you and your soon to be ex can come to agreements around guardianship and any other aspects that have to do with the children. Like what you're hearing? Be sure to check out the full-length episodes and new releases every Tuesday.
Resources
Melissa Miroslavich – Schromen Law LLC
Call Schromen Law LLC at 651-571-2515
Melissa Miroslavich's LinkedIn
To receive real-time alerts that your child is safe, visit https://www.soberlink.com/partners/different
I am so honored to introduce my FREE Co-Parenting Masterclass. This masterclass shares tools to co-parent well even with a difficult co-parent. You will learn the 5 C's of a Co-Parenting Plan and a free bonus resource with Certified Divorce Lending Specialist, Tami Wollensak, sharing what you want to consider regarding the family home. Sign up to receive a video replay at https://www.lesakoski.com/co-parenting-masterclass
Post-Divorce Prosperity: Estate Planning Essentials with Attorney Melissa Miroslavich
Today I am joined by Attorney Melissa Miroslavich, who helps with estate planning during and after a divorce. Melissa provides so many incredible nuggets during this episode, and even I have a bunch of takeaways and things to implement into the work I do with couples. She discusses the important documents for estate planning and breaks down what each of them are. Melissa talks about how divorce can impact these documents and what needs to be changed during and after the divorce process. She also dives into guardianship and how to make decisions collaboratively when it comes to your children. Tune in to this episode to learn all about estate planning!
In this episode:
[3:02] Melissa tells us her authentic story and how she arrived in law. [6:08] What are the important documents for estate planning? [8:07] How does estate planning change from when you’re married vs divorced? [11:45] What is guardianship? [20:47] Do your beneficiaries change when you’ve gotten divorced or do you need to do something? [22:43] How can an estate planning attorney work together with the rest of your divorce team? [25:37] Melissa provides her key takeaway for estate planning.
Key Takeaways:
One big decision to consider while going through a divorce, that many aren’t even thinking about, is do you still want your spouse listed as your power of attorney or health care directive if something were to happen to you throughout the divorce process?
Estate planning is really about your lifetime. You have documents that move with you throughout your life and change as your needs change.
Working through collaborative law can be a huge benefit when it comes to guardianship decisions. If you can both reach an agreement about where the children will go if something happens to both parents, and can put that in your estate plan it can allow for clarity if that unfortunate situation happens.
Quotes: “If you have a power of attorney in place and healthcare directive, it's very likely you've named your spouse in those roles. The question I would have for a client is, while you're going through this process, in your life, in your capacity, do you still want your spouse to be in those roles if something were to happen to you?” - Melissa Miroslavich
“I love collaborative law, and I'm on the Collaborative Law Institute board. I think that the process for divorce is so much healthier, has so much more respect and dignity for the people involved and for your family.” - Melissa Miroslavich
Guest Bio:
Melissa works with clients to understand their individual goals to create effective, strategic, and adaptable estate plans and collaborates with clients to provide education and advice to help ensure care and asset protection. She believes estate planning is one of the best gifts you can give your loved ones. As such, she also assists pet owners in planning for their pet’s care in the event the pet owner is no longer is able.
Melissa is also a qualified neutral under Rule 114 by the Minnesota Supreme Court and was the first attorney in Minnesota to complete Pet Custody Training. Here are our social media accounts. Let me know if there's anything else you need from me!
Resources:
Melissa Miroslavich – Schromen Law LLC
Call Schromen Law LLC at 651-571-2515
Melissa Miroslavich's LinkedIn
To receive real-time alerts that your child is safe, visit https://www.soberlink.com/partners/different
I am so honored to introduce my FREE Co-Parenting Masterclass. This masterclass shares tools to co-parent well even with a difficult co-parent. You will learn the 5 C's of a Co-Parenting Plan and a free bonus resource with Certified Divorce Lending Specialist, Tami Wollensak, sharing what you want to consider regarding the family home. Sign up to receive a video replay at https://www.lesakoski.com/co-parenting-masterclass
Saddle Up Segment: Lesa Reflects On Her Mediation Career
Saddle Up Segments are bite-size, bonus episodes offering one thing our listeners can do right away to add value to their life. Feeling confident that there is a way to support yourself and your children after divorce and years of being a stay at home mom can feel so refreshing. Take a look at what you are passionate about and decide if there is something you can do to take that passion to the next step by building your own business. Our guest this week really helped me reflect on the business I have created and how blessed I feel to work for myself, so don’t miss this episode to see the opportunities that may be available to you! Like what you're hearing? Be sure to check out the full-length episodes and new releases every Tuesday.
Resources
Is Entrepreneurship Right for Me?
Refined by Divorce YouTube Channel
The Onward app was made for divorced parents to help track, share, and split their children's expenses. Download The Onward App today for iOS or Android!
I am so honored to introduce my FREE Co-Parenting Masterclass. This masterclass will share tools to co-parent well even with a difficult co-parent. You will learn the 5 C's of a Co-Parenting Plan and a free bonus resource with Certified Divorce Lending Specialist, Tami Wollensak, sharing what you want to consider regarding the family home.
Register for free today at https://www.lesakoski.com/co-parenting-masterclass
Divorce to Dollars: Empowering Women in Business
Today I am honored to share my new friend Traci Simkins with you all! Traci helps stay at home moms going through divorce turn their passion into a small service based business. She helps them uncover what they are good at and create a way to make a livable wage to support themselves and their children. Traci provides some great examples of how she helps women uncover this (as well as providing a free resource!) and then dives into the process of working with her. Tune in today to learn more about entrepreneurship and creating an income by following your passion.
In this episode:
[2:16] Traci shares her story. [8:17] How did Traci’s kids do when she got married for a second time? [9:57] What led Traci to start her own business after her second divorce? [11:34] What types of businesses is Traci helping women get started? [13:53] How do you know what kind of business to start? [17:15] How do you transition from your children being your world to entering back into the workforce? [20:05] What is the process when working with Traci? [24:47] Traci shares her one piece of advice that someone can do right now for a better life.
Key Takeaways:
[17:40] Even if you don’t think you have a passion, you do. You just need to uncover it. Then you can take that passion and see if it aligns with a service based business you could start to support yourself. [22:06] We kind of have this idea that having a job that pays us is secure. And it can be, but you can also lose your job. You are dependent on someone else. [24:45] A lot of women tend to go into isolation mode when they are going through a divorce because they don’t want people to know about it. But the best thing you can do for yourself is reach out and ask for help. It could be a coach, a therapist, or finding a support group, but find people you can lean on.
Quotes: “I think for women who are looking to start a business, if you don't have a passion, you don't think you do, you do, it might not, you know, oh, I'm a baker or I've been an artist my whole life and I love to cook. It might not be something like that, but if you have a passion for education, if you have a passion for children, if you have a passion for helping anyone, the only thing you need to do when you build a business is find a problem, deliver a solution.” - Traci Simkins
Guest Bio:
Born in SLC and moving to Honolulu at the age of 14, I developed an agility and adaptability that has served me well. Returning to SLC after 23 years away was a challenge, but it was nothing compared to the two divorces that followed, or to the experience of parenting. A mother first, my children have always been the center of my world and will always be my number one priority, and raising them has been the single most rewarding experience of my life. My professional career, spanning several different industries and managing people, operations, and most recently, projects, has also provided meaning. But facing my 2nd divorce, I began to be discouraged with the corporate landscape, and was ready to shake things up, so I left to start my own small consulting business.
Resources:
Is Entrepreneurship Right for Me?
Refined by Divorce YouTube Channel
The Onward app was made for divorced parents to help track, share, and split their children's expenses. Download The Onward App today for iOS or Android!
I am so honored to introduce my FREE Co-Parenting Masterclass. This masterclass will share tools to co-parent well even with a difficult co-parent. You will learn the 5 C's of a Co-Parenting Plan and a free bonus resource with Certified Divorce Lending Specialist, Tami Wollensak, sharing what you want to consider regarding the family home.
Register for free today at https://www.lesakoski.com/co-parenting-masterclass
Saddle Up Segment: Divorcing A Better Way
Saddle Up Segments are bite-size, bonus episodes offering one thing our listeners can do right away to add value to their life. The way you end one thing, sets you up, sets the stage, and it's the way you begin the next thing. While it takes two willing people to do a divorce collaboratively, it also takes effort on each individual to be working on themselves. There will be stress that comes along with divorce, but think about how you want your life to look on the other side, and hold that vision while you go through the process. Divorce mediation and collaboration isn’t an option for everyone, however you can be confident that there are great attorney’s out there who can help support you. Collaborative divorce, mediation, litigation, the choice is yours, it’s in your hands, and remember how you end one thing sets the stage for your new beginning. Like what you're hearing? Be sure to check out the full-length episodes and new releases every Tuesday.
Resources
Divorce Mediation Center of Fairfield County, LLC | Attorney
Divorce Mediation CT Instagram
The Onward app was made for divorced parents to help track, share, and split their children's expenses. Download The Onward App today for iOS or Android!
I am so honored to introduce my FREE Co-Parenting Masterclass. This masterclass will share tools to co-parent well even with a difficult co-parent. You will learn the 5 C's of a Co-Parenting Plan and a free bonus resource with Certified Divorce Lending Specialist, Tami Wollensak, sharing what you want to consider regarding the family home.
Register for free today at https://www.lesakoski.com/co-parenting-masterclass
You Don't Have to Fight it Out in Court Alternative Solutions to Avoiding Court Battles
Today I am honored to have a fellow mediator, Rosemarie Ferrante on the show. Rosemarie walks us through the emotional and financial prep work that is necessary to have a smooth legal divorce process. She talks about her own experience going through a divorce and how she supports her own clients with the tools they need to create a solid co-parenting relationship. Rosemarie clarifies the difference between mediation, collaboration, and what it’s like having to go to litigation. Tune in to get clarity around all the emotional, financial, and legal information that comes with divorce.
In this episode:
[2:06] What led Rosemarie to do the work she is doing?
[5:15] What was Rosemarie’s divorce like?
[7:40] Is there ever a time that mediation doesn’t work?
[9:30] How does Rosemarie use emotional prep work while working with clients?
[16:07] What should people think about finances when they are looking for divorce support?
[19:05] How can a mediator support you through divorce and provide law information?
[25:10] What is the most important thing to do if you are contemplating divorce?
Key Takeaways:
Divorce doesn’t have to be a fight, destructive, or a traumatic experience, it is possible to go through a divorce in a healthy manner with two adults working together.
There is a team involved in your divorce. You need your coaches, your therapist, and financial support. These are investments, but it can ultimately lead to a cheaper divorce if you can avoid going to court and more agreeable decision making if you have worked on yourself.
When contemplating divorce make sure that you do understand your options for a legal process, collaborative divorce, mediation, litigation, what they are and what they aren't. Understand what divorce professionals you can have on your team to best support you.
Quotes:
“The court system is, in my opinion, not meant for families.” - Rosemarie Ferrante
“Every family is different. What you need might be different than what your friend or your neighbor or your sister needed. Understanding all the various roles will be really important for you to be able to have the support you need to get through the process.” - Rosemarie Ferrante
“I think that the most important thing if you're contemplating divorce, is to make sure that you do understand your options for a legal process, collaborative divorce, mediation, litigation, what they are and what they aren't. And then also understand what divorce professionals you can have on your team to best support you.” - Rosemarie Ferrante
Guest Bio:
Rosemarie Ferrante is a family attorney focusing on non-adversarial divorce through mediation and collaborative divorce. She has been practicing exclusively family law for over 25 years. Rosemarie’s goal is to provide families the resources and tools needed to smoothly transition through the divorce process. Her practice helps couples who wish to separate or divorce in reaching agreements that foster goodwill and trust, while meeting each spouse’s individual goals and needs, while most importantly, supporting ongoing positive relationships with their children, and with each other as co-parents.
Resources:
Divorce Mediation Center of Fairfield County, LLC | Attorney
Divorce Mediation CT Instagram
The Onward app was made for divorced parents to help track, share, and split their children's expenses. Download The Onward App today for iOS or Android!
I am so honored to introduce my FREE Co-Parenting Masterclass. This masterclass will share tools to co-parent well even with a difficult co-parent. You will learn the 5 C's of a Co-Parenting Plan and a free bonus resource with Certified Divorce Lending Specialist, Tami Wollensak, sharing what you want to consider regarding the family home.
Register for free today at https://www.lesakoski.com/co-parenting-masterclass
Saddle Up Segment: Speaking Positively About Your Co-Parent
Saddle Up Segments are bite-size, bonus episodes offering one thing that our listeners can do right away to add value to their life. This week Karen McMahon from Journey Beyond Divorce, shared with us how to be a boundary setting badass! Not only did she give some incredible tips, but she also talked about how respecting your boundaries and identifying your triggers can help you work on your emotional intelligence. Not only will you come out stronger, but you’ll be an incredible example for your children by modeling how they can protect themselves from difficult situations. This was an episode you don’t want to miss. Tune in for more great tips! Like what you're hearing? Be sure to check out the full-length episodes, new releases every Tuesday.
Resources
Get Your FREE Divorce Survival Kit!
The Onward app was made for divorced parents to help track, share, and split their children's expenses. Download The Onward App today for iOS or Android!
I am so honored to introduce my FREE Co-Parenting Masterclass. This masterclass will share tools to co-parent well even with a difficult co-parent. You will learn the 5 C's of a Co-Parenting Plan and a free bonus resource with Certified Divorce Lending Specialist, Tami Wollensak, sharing what you want to consider regarding the family home.
Register for free today at https://www.lesakoski.com/co-parenting-masterclass
Become a Boundary Badass
Karen McMahon, from Journey Beyond Divorce, is back for part 2. Karen teaches us all how to be a boundary badass! She shares what to do if your co-parent isn’t respecting your boundaries and paying attention to triggers that you are experiencing. She discusses parallel co-parenting and the logistical complexities of co-parenting. It is so refreshing to hear what Karen has to say, and learning how to take back your power! Tune in today to learn more about becoming a boundary badass!
In this episode:
[1:21] What should you do if someone is not respecting your boundary? [8:37] How can you best manage a parallel co-parenting relationship? [14:34] Karen talks about the logistical complexity of co-parenting. [18:34] How do you notice triggers? [20:43] If your heart wants to deviate from the parenting plan and you want to be flexible with the schedules, should you? [23:43] Lesa shares her parenting plan course.
Key Takeaways:
When talking to your co-parent, communicate just the facts, keep opinions to yourself. Keep your side of the street clean, which helps keep your boundaries upheld.
You have the power to break generational patterns through your actions. Show your children how to handle difficult relationships and how to manage their emotions. Show them how powerful they can be by spreading kindness!
When you start to notice that you are being triggered, step back and look at the situation. Understand what is being triggered and what you need to work on.
Quotes:
“Never let somebody else's bad behavior determine yours. And it's my rule to my clients too, because I could really stoop low when I'm dealing with somebody who's disordered and angry and, but why? Why would you want to stoop low? You're giving your power away.” - Karen McMahon
“To everyone listening: Hot mess. I was the worst. I was the ugliest. I was the most reactive. I was a rageaholic. I was the poster girl for what not to be going through a divorce. I don't want anyone to think that I'm all that. I have just worked really, really hard. And it has been such a beautiful transformation that I'm so passionate about paying it forward and sharing it.” - Karen McMahon
Guest Bio:
Karen founded Journey Beyond Divorce in 2010, after discovering that the pain of dissolving her marriage had been the very stimulus for her personal transformation.
During her three and a half year tumultuous divorce, Karen’s life began to improve exponentially. With much hard work, she embraced her new life, created healthy friendships, found her true voice, and learned to set suitable boundaries and let go of what she could not control.
Learning to live a healthy enlivened life is something that we can share with our children, creating thriving relationships with them while helping them grow emotionally strong and healthy.
Karen is a graduate of the world’s leading coaching institute, Institute for Professional Excellence in Coaching (iPEC) and a Certified Member of the International Coaching Federation (ICF).
Karen’s other accomplishments include work as a NYS Lobbyist, Health Advocate, Community Organizer, and Chairperson of a NYS non-profit organization, Director of Sales and Marketing, and successful small business owner.
Resources:
Book Your Free Coaching Call
Get Your FREE Divorce Survival Kit!
The Onward app was made for divorced parents to help track, share, and split their children's expenses. Download The Onward App today for iOS or Android!
I am so honored to introduce my FREE Co-Parenting Masterclass. This masterclass will share tools to co-parent well even with a difficult co-parent. You will learn the 5 C's of a Co-Parenting Plan and a free bonus resource with Certified Divorce Lending Specialist, Tami Wollensak, sharing what you want to consider regarding the family home.
Register for free today: https://www.lesakoski.com/co-parenting-masterclass
Saddle Up Segment: How to Deal With Triggers While Co-Parenting
Saddle Up Segments are bite-size, bonus episodes offering one thing that our listeners can do right away to add value to their life. On this week's episode we talked about dealing with triggers and how to love yourself enough to give empathy. If you are feeling triggered, notice the feeling, take a deep breath, and realize that you do not have to react to it at that moment. You can walk away, think about it, and decide if there needs to be a discussion at a later time when you are not feeling triggered. Tune in for more great tips! Like what you're hearing? Be sure to check out the full-length episodes, new releases every Tuesday.
Resources
Get Your FREE Divorce Survival Kit!
The Onward app was made for divorced parents to help track, share, and split their children's expenses. Download The Onward App today for iOS or Android!
I am so honored to introduce my FREE Co-Parenting Masterclass. This masterclass will share tools to co-parent well even with a difficult co-parent. You will learn the 5 C's of a Co-Parenting Plan and a free bonus resource with Certified Divorce Lending Specialist, Tami Wollensak, sharing what you want to consider regarding the family home.
Register for free today at https://www.lesakoski.com/co-parenting-masterclass
Navigating the Storm: High Conflict Parenting Tools for Managing Triggers
Today is part 1 of a 2 part episode with Karen McMahon, the founder of Journey Beyond Divorce. During this episode we discuss managing triggers while dealing with a high conflict co-parenting relationship. Karen discusses how to set boundaries and alleviate obstacles that may get in the way. She explains emotional energy and how to uplevel the energy you are projecting in order to benefit yourself but also hopefully raise the energy of your co-parent. Tune in for great tips on boundary setting and don’t miss next week’s episode about becoming a boundary bad ass!
In this episode:
[4:01] What was Karen’s experience with her divorce? [6:07] What did Lesa learn to do when she is feeling triggered? [9:05] What was the boundary challenge Karen did recently? [11:05] Lesa and Karen share tools for dealing with high-conflict co-parenting. [15:50] Karen talks about the chapters and waves that we go through. [17:17] Karen discusses the circumstances that can arise with co-parenting and how to handle them. [18:00] How do you alleviate the obstacles? [25:02] How did Karen deal with her triggers from her ex during their divorce?
Key Takeaways:
Your triggers are not from your marriage, they are from something that happened in your childhood. Look at the trigger poking as an opportunity of shining the light on the wounds that you still need to heal. If your boundary is not being honored, you honor it. Go about your business, and follow your boundary whether the person you are trying to apply it to adheres to it or not. There are 7 different levels of emotional energy. When we dive right into the fight, we’re coming from a low level, high conflict energy. Instead think about how you can be kind and compassionate to yourself, ask yourself if you have to respond, and raise your energy to almost forgiveness and compassion.
Quotes:
“Isn’t it interesting that taking care of yourself and your mind is actually affecting that other high-conflict person?” - Lesa Koski
“That trigger predates your marriage. Our triggers never begin at our marriage, they begin in our childhood, so there’s work to be done.” - Karen McMahon
Guest Bio:
Karen founded Journey Beyond Divorce in 2010, after discovering that the pain of dissolving her marriage had been the very stimulus for her personal transformation.
During her three and a half year tumultuous divorce, Karen’s life began to improve exponentially. With much hard work, she embraced her new life, created healthy friendships, found her true voice, and learned to set suitable boundaries and let go of what she could not control.
Learning to live a healthy enlivened life is something that we can share with our children, creating thriving relationships with them while helping them grow emotionally strong and healthy.
Karen is the mother of two emerging adults, a graduate of the world’s leading coaching institute, Institute for Professional Excellence in Coaching (iPEC) and a Certified Member of the International Coaching Federation (ICF).
Karen’s other accomplishments include work as a NYS Lobbyist, Health Advocate, Community Organizer, and Chairperson of a NYS non-profit organization, Director of Sales and Marketing, and successful small business owner.
Resources:
Get Your FREE Divorce Survival Kit!
The Onward app was made for divorced parents to help track, share, and split their children's expenses. Download The Onward App today for iOS or Android!
I am so honored to introduce my FREE Co-Parenting Masterclass. This masterclass will share tools to co-parent well even with a difficult co-parent. You will learn the 5 C's of a Co-Parenting Plan and a free bonus resource with Certified Divorce Lending Specialist, Tami Wollensak, sharing what you want to consider regarding the family home.
Register for free today at https://www.lesakoski.com/co-parenting-masterclass
Saddle Up Segment: Finding Yourself After An Abusive Relationship
Trigger Warning: Domestic Abuse. If you or someone you know is suffering from domestic abuse, please call the National Domestic Violence Hotline for 24/7 Confidential Support: 800-799-7233
Saddle Up Segments are bite-size, bonus episodes offering one thing our listeners can do right away to add value to their life. Understanding what an abusive relationship looks like can be truly life changing for yourself or someone you love. Hiring a coach to help you navigate divorce after an abusive relationship, whether financial, emotional, physical or mental, can be a very empowering decision so that you can move forward with your life in the best way possible while also uncovering your identity post divorce. Like what you're hearing? Be sure to check out the full-length episodes and new releases every Tuesday.
Resources
Her Empowered Divorce Instagram
The Onward app was made for divorced parents to help track, share, and split their children's expenses. Download The Onward App today for iOS or Android!
I am so honored to introduce my FREE Co-Parenting Masterclass. This masterclass will share tools to co-parent well even with a difficult co-parent. You will learn the 5 C's of a Co-Parenting Plan and a free bonus resource with Certified Divorce Lending Specialist, Tami Wollensak, sharing what you want to consider regarding the family home.
Register for free today at https://www.lesakoski.com/co-parenting-masterclass
From Pain to Empowerment: A Divorce Coach's Guide to Healing After Abuse
Trigger Warning: Domestic Abuse. National Domestic Violence Hotline for 24/7 Confidential Support: 800-799-7233
Today I am joined by Beverly Price, founder of Her Empowered Divorce. Beverly shares signs of abuse that people most often experience, the signs of abuse, as well as the fact that some people don’t even realize they are in an abusive relationship. Beverly is a big proponent of bringing awareness to domestic abuse and is even putting on an awareness program this month. Beverly talks about the benefits of hiring a coach to help you prior to the divorce, during, and after to come from an empowering position. Tune in today to hear her red flags and learn how a coach can help you through this difficult time.
In this episode:
[2:08] Beverly shares her authentic story.
[7:50] What are some of the signs that a person is being abused?
[10:36] What are the components of financial abuse?
[17:33] When should someone contact Beverly for divorce coaching?
[19:40] Beverly discusses her awareness program.
[22:40] Beverly shares a piece of advice about empowerment.
Key Takeaways:
One form of abuse that is often overlooked is financial abuse. It’s so easy for a spouse to take over all finances, have everything in their name, and control all money, however this can be a form of abuse. This can start simply by only one spouse's name on a credit card or on the house, and it can drag further into a spouse not having any rights to the family money.
Hiring a divorce coach can be a great way to get a plan together before the divorce is even on the table.
Abuse is usually about power and control. The person doing the abusive behavior will do whatever it takes to prove their control. While it can start out small and unnoticeable, the longer in the relationship, they often desire more control.
If you see something, say something. Oftentimes, abuse is condoned with silence. The more we speak out about abuse, the more awareness one has around abusive behaviors, and the more likely that someone will ask for help and that those behaviors will not be tolerated.
Quotes:
“Abuse is really about power and control. It's not necessarily about the money, it's not necessarily about sex. It's about power and control in any of the forms.” - Beverly Price
“Don’t condone domestic violence by your silence. Let's combat it with awareness. Let's shift from condoning to condemning.” - Beverly Price
Guest Bio:
I am Beverly Price, a passionate separation, divorce, empowerment and pre-mediation coach, as well as a podcast host on a mission. Through my own personal journey of overcoming obstacles, I have emerged as a fighter, and now I want to change the lives of women just like you. I am committed to empowering and instilling confidence in women navigating the journey of divorce. My mission is to help these women embrace their innate confidence, beauty, and empowerment, empowering them to step forward and claim their rightful place in the world. Together, let us embark on a journey of self-discovery and empowerment, where you can rewrite your own story and reclaim your power. The time has come for you to flourish and thrive, and I am here to guide you every step of the way.
Resources:
Her Empowered Divorce Instagram
The Onward app was made for divorced parents to help track, share, and split their children's expenses. Download The Onward App today for iOS or Android!
I am so honored to introduce my FREE Co-Parenting Masterclass. This masterclass will share tools to co-parent well even with a difficult co-parent. You will learn the 5 C's of a Co-Parenting Plan and a free bonus resource with Certified Divorce Lending Specialist, Tami Wollensak, sharing what you want to consider regarding the family home. Register for free today at https://www.lesakoski.com/co-parenting-masterclass
Saddle Up Segment: Advice From A Divorce Lending Professional
Saddle Up Segments are bite-size, bonus episodes offering one thing our listeners can do right away to add value to their life. Today, Lesa is reflecting on her conversation with Tami Wollensak, a Certified Divorce Lending Professional (CDLP®). Tami shared all of the things to consider about your mortgage when negotiating a divorce settlement. Whether you are considering keeping your home or selling your home or maybe even keeping the home together after a divorce, Tuesday’s insightful episode is for you. Tami’s key takeaway from the episode is to surround yourself with experienced professionals when you are going through a divorce. Like what you're hearing? Be sure to check out the full-length episodes and new releases every Tuesday.
Resources
Divorce Essentials: A Guide To A Successful Split
Take Or Leave The House Website
To receive real-time alerts that your child is safe and to receive $50 off your Soberlink device, visit https://www.soberlink.com/partners/different
The Onward app was made for divorced parents to help track, share, and split their children's expenses. Download The Onward App today for iOS or Android!
From Separation to Home Sweet Home: Navigating Divorce and Refinancing
Today we are joined by Certified Divorce Lending Professional (CDLP®), Tami Wollensak. Tami shares how she helps her clients before they sign their settlement agreement by creating different options for them and making them aware of what those options look like, allowing them to make a better informed decision, and ultimately have a better divorce. Tami also shares advice on what to look for when considering negotiating a new mortgage after divorce, or keeping your current mortgage. Tune in today to learn more from a CDLP and receive a free resource.
In this episode:
[1:30] Tami shares why she became a CDLP. [4:30] What to look out for regarding rising interest rates and negotiating a new/current mortgage. [7:00] Tami shares her thoughts on keeping the home for the kids. [10:50] Tami and Lesa discuss their resource that they’ve created for Doing Divorce Different listeners. [14:00] Tami shares her thoughts on owning a home together after a divorce. [18:17] Tami discusses interest rates and creating a customized Divorce Mortgage Plan. [23:00] Tami’s advice on building a team of professionals around you through your divorce.
Key Takeaways:
Knowing what you are signing up for helps bring peace to you and gives you clarity on what your divorce budget will look like. It’s really important to make sure that you know what you are doing and what you are signing up for during your divorce settlement. It’s not about having a big giant house and a mortgage that you can’t handle, it’s about creating a safe space for your children, a warm and loving environment that they feel loved in. Divorce Settlements are not a one size fits all, so it’s important to work with a Certified Divorce Lending Professional (CDLP®) to create a plan that works best for you and your family, and ultimately, have a better divorce.
Quotes:
“I realized I could make a difference by helping people before they sign their divorce settlement by creating different options for them and making them aware of what those options look like, then they could make a better informed decision for them and their families, and ultimately have a better divorce.” Tami Wollensak
Guest Bio:
Tami Wollensak is a licensed mortgage loan originator and a 28+ year veteran of the industry, she has experience working in multiple roles and facets of the industry. She has discovered her true passion in helping divorcing individuals navigate their home equity solutions and mortgage options while going through the most challenging time of their life.
Tami has earned the certification as a Certified Divorce Lending Professional (CDLP®). This specialization provides the ability to identify potential gaps in the agreement that cannot be met during the mortgage process. Tami works with her client’s attorney, coach, mediator, or financial advisor to help guide them through all the options available to ensure a successful outcome regarding the divorcing couple’s real estate or future purchase. Tami has been a guest on multiple podcasts, speaks regularly and contributes to many media outlets on divorce mortgage planning and helping divorcing
homeowners to make better and more informed decisions when it comes to their real property.
As a Mortgage Loan Originator, Tami’s goal is to educate her clients, take the mystery and anxiety out of the mortgage process, and provide a sense of security and peace to each of them. Tami can lend in all 50 states. (NMLS #1963450)
Resources:
Divorce Essentials: A Guide To A Successful Split
Take Or Leave The House Website
To receive real-time alerts that your child is safe and to receive $50 off your Soberlink device, visit https://www.soberlink.com/partners/different
The Onward app was made for divorced parents to help track, share, and split their children's expenses. Download The Onward App today for iOS or Android!
Saddle Up Segment: Staying Connected With Your Children After Your Divorce
Saddle Up Segments are bite-size, bonus episodes offering one thing our listeners can do right away to add value to their life. This week on the podcast, Brian Burns joined me to talk about strategies to get through being away from your children after divorce. We talked about how to stay connected with your children while they are away at the other parents home and how to use that time as an opportunity to work on yourself and feel your emotions. Tune in to learn the great tips that Brain has to offer to ensure you are more intentional with your time with your children. Like what you're hearing? Be sure to check out the full-length episodes and new releases every Tuesday.
Resources:
Doing Divorce Different Soberlink
To receive real-time alerts that your child is safe and to receive $50 off your Soberlink device, visit https://www.soberlink.com/partners/different
The Onward app was made for divorced parents to help track, share, and split their children's expenses. Download The Onward App today for iOS or Android!
Parenting Beyond Divorce and Coping with Reduced Time After Divorce
Today I am joined by Brian Burns, who has been on the show many times, and is just one of my favorite family therapists! He always has such great insight and tips to share with my listeners. For this episode, Brian is talking about how to parent beyond divorce and cope with seeing your children less. He gives wonderful tips about how to navigate a difficult co-parenting relationship, and how to maintain connection with your children even when they are at the other parent's house. Tune in to ease your mind about not being with your children as much and how to make your time with them even more intentional.
In this episode:
[4:04] How do we not get baited into conflict while co-parenting?
[6:12] What do you do if you cannot co-parent with your ex?
[11:47] Does Brian agree that if kids are with a healthy parent 50% of the time that they’ll be fine?
[13:19] How do we let go and accept that you won’t be with your kid every night?
[20:48] Brian gives advice for helping parents who are adjusting to co-parenting with young kids.
Key Takeaways:
You can only choose how you act, you are only 50% of your co-parenting relationship. Take responsibility for what you can, and be the best parent that you can be for your children. Focus on what is important to you, and be intentional with the time you have with your children.
While adjusting to a co-parenting schedule, remember the love that the other parent has for the children. It is often true that your ex spouse is a good parent, maybe just not a great co-parent. They love your children and are doing the best they can be doing.
Stay connected with your children when they aren't with you, but don’t make it about you. Utilize technology to send a message letting them know that you are thinking of them, and as a way to stay connected. It’s a beautiful thing when technology can be used in a positive way, plus it can reduce the need for you and your ex to talk to each other.
Quotes:
“You are your own boss, you find your own direction, decision making, judgment from within yourself, and you don’t look to other people to define you or to be in charge of how you feel, or to make you feel good about yourself. Having an internal focus of control or an internal sense of yourself that you're in charge of yourself is the answer.” - Brian Burns
“Remind yourself that it’s not about you, remind yourself that the best parents do let their kids go. That our job is to make it so that they don’t need us anymore.” - Brian Burns
Guest Bio:
I’m Brian Burns, and I have been practicing as a licensed family therapist since January 1999. I specialize in helping adults in the midst of relationship crises restore trust, intimacy, and communication. Whenever possible, I prefer to help couples save and strengthen their marriages or committed relationships. However, not all relationships can (or should) stay together. In these cases, I help the couple end the relationship in a way that is healthy for everyone, especially when there are children involved.
I am also a certified mediator, parenting coach, and Rule-29 Neutral in the State of MN. This means I have the skills and experience necessary to help parents who are divorced to make agreements about parenting in a collaborative and child-centered manner. I believe that even though conflict and fear can bring out the worst in people, everyone has the capacity to be a better version of themselves, and that our children need us to give it all we have to be our best.
Resources:
Doing Divorce Different Soberlink
To receive real-time alerts that your child is safe and to receive $50 off your Soberlink device, visit https://www.soberlink.com/partners/different
The Onward app was made for divorced parents to help track, share, and split their children's expenses. Download The Onward App today for iOS or Android!
Saddle Up Segment: Reflecting on Parallel Parenting
Saddle Up Segments are bite-size, bonus episodes offering one thing that our listeners can do right away to add value to their life. Learning how to be in a parallel parenting relationship can make a huge difference in your children’s life. This saddle up segment talks about how to manage a parallel parenting situation, setting boundaries, and how to follow your parenting plan for your child's safety. Tune in today to learn how. Like what you're hearing? Be sure to check out the full-length episodes and new releases every Tuesday.
Resources:
Sample Court Order and Workshop Workbook
Co-Parent Dilemmas YouTube Channel
To receive real-time alerts that your child is safe and to receive $50 off your Soberlink device, visit https://www.soberlink.com/partners/different
The Onward app was made for divorced parents to help track, share, and split their children's expenses. Download The Onward App today for iOS or Android!
Navigating Co-Parenting After Divorce
On this week's podcast I am joined by the hosts of Co-Parent Dilemmas, Diane Dierks and Rick Voyles. Diane and Rick discuss parallel parenting and how they mediate with parents going through a divorce. They give some amazing tips on how to set boundaries and work alongside your child’s other parent, while still maintaining how you want to support your child. Rick and Diane talk about why a parenting plan is so important, not only to have in place, but also how it supports and protects the children. Tune in today to learn about different types of co-parenting and how to utilize the parenting plan to do what's best for your child.
In this episode:
[2:20] Diane introduces who she is and how she got into the co-parent support space. [4:52] Rick shares with us how he became a mediator. [6:25] Do Rick and Diane believe that co-parenting can be an easy transition? What do they typically see during their mediations? [8:29] What is parallel parenting? [13:56] How do you adjust your parenting with parallel parenting? [15:08] What do Rick and Diane advise when working with a couple as parenting coordinators? [18:53] What can you do when the co-parent isn’t cooperating? What’s the best way to set boundaries? [25:12] Why is a parenting plan so important?
Key Takeaways:
Put your arguments in perspective, are the things you are arguing about really going to matter in 10 years. And if they will matter in 10 years, then make the decision based on what’s best for your children, not just arguing because that’s what YOU wanted.
Do not get yourself in a double bind of always giving the other parent everything they want and getting nothing in return. Not only are you violating your parenting plan, but you are also setting yourself up for a risk of them using your generosity against you in the future.
Parallel parenting is when you are able to come from a place of “I am a parent, you are a parent, but we are not parents together.” Coming from this place can help you stay in your own lane and be responsible for your actions, not your co-parents actions.
Quotes:
“The only reason you walk out of there with a parenting plan is to protect the children.” - Rick Voyles
“The kids don't suffer because of lack of cooperation. They suffer because of the presence of conflict. So it's not that you need to be cooperative in order for the kids to be okay. You need to have a style in which there isn't conflict.” - Diane Dierks
Guest Bio:
Diane Dierks is a licensed marriage and family therapist in Georgia. She is Executive Director of the Center for Navigating Family Change, a non-profit that provides co-parent education and other services for the courts. She is also co-host of the podcast Co-Parent Dilemmas.
Rick Voyles is Diane's podcast co-host. He is CEO of the Center for Dispute Solutions. He is also a published author, mediator and anger management specialist.
Listeners may contact us at 1234Dilemma@gmail.com or leave a voicemail on our website at www.CPDilemmas.com.
Link to free giveaway would be a download of our email protocol sample court order and workshop workbook that can be found at www.cnfc.org/documents.
The Amazon link to our new podcast companion journal is at https://www.amazon.com/Am-NON-Impossible-12-Week-Journey-Co-Parenting/dp/0974525448.
Resources:
Sample Court Order and Workshop Workbook
Co-Parent Dilemmas YouTube Channel
To receive real-time alerts that your child is safe and to receive $50 off your Soberlink device, visit https://www.soberlink.com/partners/different
The Onward app was made for divorced parents to help track, share, and split their children's expenses. Download The Onward App today for iOS or Android!
Saddle Up Segment: Communicating as Co-Parents vs As A Married Couple
Saddle Up Segments are bite-size, bonus episodes offering one thing that our listeners can do right away to add value to their life. When you are co-parenting, you are no longer parenting as a couple. Your marriage is over, but your relationship will go on forever because of the children that you share. So how should you communicate with your ex-spouse to keep as much peace as possible? Karen shares how to parent skillfully in Tuesday’s episode, you don’t want to miss it! Tune in today to learn how. Like what you're hearing? Be sure to check out the full-length episodes and new releases every Tuesday.
Resources:
To receive real-time alerts that your child is safe and to receive $50 off your Soberlink device, visit https://www.soberlink.com/partners/different
The Onward app was made for divorced parents to help track, share, and split their children's expenses. Download The Onward App today for iOS or Android!
Co-Parenting Champions: Navigating Divorce with Grace
Today I am joined by consultant, mentor, and writer Karen Bonnell. She is author of The Co-Parenting Handbook, which helps parents work through the end of their relationship with their children in mind. Karen talks with us about teasing apart your marriage relationship into a co-parenting relationship. She gives great tips and strategies from her book and tells how to keep the focus on your children. Tune in today to hear refreshing ideas, learn skills, and understand the possibilities to build a strong co-parenting relationship.
In this episode:
[2:37] What led Karen down the path to help families co-parent better? [5:31] What made Karen write her book The Co-Parenting Handbook?[8:44] Karen shares key take-a-ways from her book. [12:00] How do you start to tease apart your marriage relationship to a co-parenting relationship? [14:40] How can you best communicate with your soon to be ex spouse when you are feeling triggered? [20:34] How do you keep focus on the child? [22:07] Karen shares the most important strategy she uses with co-parents. [26:26] Karen shares a final piece of advice that listeners can start with today.
Key Takeaways:
When you are splitting up from your spouse, you can no longer have a conversation like you are married. Set up time to discuss a topic and stick to only that topic. A meeting to discuss the children, a meeting to discuss assets, etc. Remember that co-parenting is not an option. It is going to happen either way, so put your child(ren) in the focus and make decisions that will benefit them. Take into account not only your feelings but the feeling that your soon to be ex is also experiencing. Find compassion, and take a step away when you notice that they are feeling triggered.
Quotes:
“Co-parenting is not an option. The question isn't whether we’re going to co-parent, the question is how skillfully will I show up as a co-parent.” - Karen Bonnell
“I can learn the skills, I'm gonna show up, that's my gift to my children, it's the best I can do.” - Karen Bonnell
“We sit in this fire, we work with the fire, we calm down the fire, and then we take those zims and we rebuild the family. It's this time it's gonna be a two home family. We're not gonna let it just lay there in ashes. We're gonna cultivate something that's really gonna help children thrive.” - Karen Bonnell
Guest Bio:
Karen will help you answer the question, “What’s best for kids?” …and build a firm foundation as you restructure your family. Parents receive guidance for how to keep kids central and parenting strong – even under difficult circumstances. Karen has culled her knowledge and skills from 40 years as a psychotherapist / psychiatric nurse practitioner (retired) to inform today’s coaching: Her ability to provide you not only a safe harbor to explore concerns, but also to gain insight into best practices as you plan for two-home family life and beyond … even as you begin dating again or creating a stepfamily.
For professionals, Karen is available for consultation anytime you hope that two heads will be better than one. There may be information, resources, referrals you need – don’t hesitate to ask. If you’re a representative of a group, organization or law firm seeking advanced training – forward-thinking methodologies and skills – Karen’s nationally sought-after programs are described under Mentoring Services. Please reach out with questions and for additional information.
Resources:
To receive real-time alerts that your child is safe and to receive $50 off your Soberlink device, visit https://www.soberlink.com/partners/different
The Onward app was made for divorced parents to help track, share, and split their children's expenses. Download The Onward App today for iOS or Android!
Saddle Up Segment: Having Courage To Feel Sad
Saddle Up Segments are bite-size, bonus episodes offering one thing that our listeners can do right away to add value to their life. Do you find yourself running from uncomfortable feelings such as sadness? It may feel icky, but if you have the courage to dig into it, you’ll find confidence in your decisions and the circumstances you are experiencing. You can feel sadness AND joy. Tune in today to learn how. Like what you're hearing? Be sure to check out the full-length episodes and new releases every Tuesday.
Resources:
To receive real-time alerts that your child is safe and to receive $50 off your Soberlink device, visit https://www.soberlink.com/partners/different
The Onward app was made for divorced parents to help track, share, and split their children's expenses. Download The Onward App today for iOS or Android!
Navigating Confidence and the Empty Nest After Divorce
On today’s episode, I brought Tracy back to go more in depth regarding confidence, and then do some coaching with me about my sadness around becoming an empty nester. Tracy walks through the 4 C’s of confidence, and discusses how to work through each step to gain confidence for each circumstance you are facing. We then take 10 minutes to dive into what I am experiencing as I become an empty nester, and Tracy coaches me through my feelings and what the truth actually is for me. Tune in today to get a sneak peek into coaching, and to understand gaining your own confidence.
In this episode:
[2:39] What are the 4 C’s of confidence? [9:50] Lesa goes through the 4 C’s with her topic of becoming an empty-nester. [14:10] How to avoid judging the feelings that you are experiencing. [15:56] How do you remember your courage and confidence when you keep backtracking to heavy feelings? [20:09] How do you make the decision that you do want to feel good about it? [25:03] What is Tracy’s mission through her coaching?
Key Takeaways:
Feeling sadness is the only reason that you can feel joy and visa versa. The only reason you can feel sadness is because you have the context of feeling joy. Have the courage to look at your feelings, that will unleash a whole new world of finding confidence in your situation. Confidence isn’t something that you can flip the script on. You have to work through the feelings and thoughts that you are experiencing, and go through the 4 C’s in order to become fully confident in your circumstances.
Quotes:
“Most of us do not believe that we have the capacity to feel these emotions. That’s what leads to a lot of addictions. We then try to buffer with food, with alcohol, we do things to make that feeling go away or to numb it.” - Tracy Pleschourt
“It doesn’t have to be an either or. Don’t forget that you can feel sad and you can feel at peace. You can feel sad and you can feel excited. It doesn't have to be an either or, think about it as an AND, that will help you allow that sadness to be there and be excited and be at peace.” - Tracy Pleschourt
“The only reason you feel the sadness is because you were gifted the opportunity to feel the exact opposite, it afforded you that opportunity. So you always have that baked in, built in circumstance to be really grateful and appreciative of.” - Tracy Pleschourt
Guest Bio:
Tracy Pleschourt, the Founder of Self-Made U helps men and women create Self-Made wealth and wellness through life coaching. Tracy has mastered and now teaches the critical skills necessary to manage your mind and overcome any obstacle, including overeating, over drinking, time management, career & relationship changes.
Resources:
To receive real-time alerts that your child is safe and to receive $50 off your Soberlink device, visit https://www.soberlink.com/partners/different
The Onward app was made for divorced parents to help track, share, and split their children's expenses. Download The Onward App today for iOS or Android!
Saddle Up Segment: Knowing When You Are Ready To Get A Divorce
Saddle Up Segments are bite-size, bonus episodes offering one thing our listeners can do right away to add value to their life. How can you feel confident about getting divorced? Learn how to become aware of what you are feeling and how to know when you are confident in the decision you are making. Once you’ve made the decision, write down why so you can reflect on that information if you start having doubts in the future. Like what you're hearing? Be sure to check out the full-length episodes and new releases every Tuesday.
Resources
To receive real-time alerts that your child is safe and to receive $50 off your Soberlink device, visit https://www.soberlink.com/partners/different
The Onward app was made for divorced parents to help track, share, and split their children's expenses. Download The Onward App today for iOS or Android!
How to Feel Confident with your Decision to Divorce
Today, I have Tracy Pleschourt from Self Made U back on the podcast! We are talking about how to feel confident in your decisions. Tracy talks about how to know if you are ready to make a big decision in your life, and the best ways to really sit with that decision to ensure you are making it from the best place possible. She also explains our primitive and prodigy brains and how they can work against each other. The tips Tracy shares hold true whether you are making decisions about work, life, business, or divorce, so tune in to learn how to feel confident in your decisions.
In this episode:
[3:01] How do you know when you are ready to take action and make a decision? [6:15] How do you know if you have all the information you need to make a decision? [9:53] What actions can you take to make sure you are making the right decision? Tracy walks through an example of someone finding out their significant other cheated on them. [11:13] How do our primitive and prodigy sides of our brain work? [16:34] Why does divorce create a feeling of suffrage and how do you work through it?
Key Takeaways:
When you come up on a situation that has you feeling like you have to make a decision, take a step back and ask yourself “what feeling is driving that action?” Don’t make a big decision from a feeling of desperation. Once you’ve made a decision that you feel confident in, write down why you like the decision that you made. The likelihood that you’ll come back to the decision you made and feel unsure is high, so having it written down will help calm your brain. As humans, we are expected to feel every emotion. That is good for us, it helps keep us aware, and is a necessary part of life. Learning WHEN to make decisions that go along with the feelings we are experiencing is a skill that needs to be learned.
Quotes:
“Any good decision that you make, requires fact finding. It requires you to tap into resources and referencing any sort of mentoring, any sort of resource you might need yet to tap into, you might need to remind yourself that you have already tapped into it.” - Tracy Pleschourt
“If your goal is to feel confident in the decision that you made, you've got to back up from the action of making the decision, and find what feeling is driving you.” - Tracy Pleschourt
“When you are feeling the pain, or you are feeling the terror, that is a human response, we are all supposed to experience all of the emotions available to us, including suffrage, including terror, but we don't want to suffer unnecessarily or compound that suffering with judgment that sounds like you shouldn't. Have some compassion, have some grace for yourself, show yourself some empathy.” - Tracy Pleschourt
Guest Bio:
Tracy Pleschourt, the Founder of Self-Made U helps men and women create Self-Made wealth and wellness through life coaching. Tracy has mastered and now teaches the critical skills necessary to manage your mind and overcome any obstacle, including overeating, over drinking, time management, career & relationship changes.
Resources:
To receive real-time alerts that your child is safe and to receive $50 off your Soberlink device, visit https://www.soberlink.com/partners/different
The Onward app was made for divorced parents to help track, share, and split their children's expenses. Download The Onward App today for iOS or Android!
Saddle Up Segment: Realigning With Your Financial Values
Saddle Up Segments are bite-size, bonus episodes offering one thing our listeners can do right away to add value to their life. Is divorce keeping you up at night? If so, take a minute to shift your mindset and accept that while things have changed, you now have the opportunity to reevaluate your financial values, understand your finances, and change anything you want about your money situation. Like what you're hearing? Be sure to check out the full-length episodes and new releases every Tuesday.
Resources
Great Lakes Divorce Financial Solutions
Watch Her Thrive Facebook Group
Doing Divorce Different Soberlink
To receive real-time alerts that your child is safe and to receive $50 off your Soberlink device, visit https://www.soberlink.com/partners/different
The Onward app was made for divorced parents to help track, share, and split their children's expenses. Download The Onward App today for iOS or Android!
What's Keeping You up at Night with your Divorce?
Today I am joined by Leah Hadley, the Founder and CEO of Great Lakes Divorce Financial Solutions. Leah is on the show to talk about financial preparation before, during, and after a divorce. She provides some incredible tips on how to set yourself up so you are knowledgeable about your finances as well as planning for the next steps. Leah provides a full list of items in this episode for you to collect throughout the divorce to be successful. Tune in today so you can be prepared!
In this episode:
[2:04] What led Leah to help people through finances and divorce? [7:52] What things should people prepare before a divorce? [11:04] Is there ever a negative implication for running your credit report? [12:10] How to get the education to be knowledgeable during the divorce process. [16:03] What questions do you need to ask yourself when splitting up assets to ensure that you have financial security? [20:13] What to look at and how to set yourself up for success post divorce.
Key Takeaways:
Divorce provides you with an opportunity to determine your own values. Many times we negotiate our values or lose sight of them while in a marriage, so this is a time to reclaim your life. Many people find themselves in a way after divorce that is truly beautiful. Understanding the current financial situation is essential when going into a divorce. Being aware of what the budget is, what your fixed expenses are, and where there is financial liquidity will lead to coming out on the other side in a better situation. Things will likely shift post divorce as far as expenses and the luxuries that you are able to have. That isn’t necessarily a bad thing, as you may end up realizing that you feel better in a different home or with a different vehicle. Less financial stress leads to a more peaceful life and home.
Quotes:
“If you're stressed, you're financially strapped to try to stay in this home, that just creates a lot more angst around the whole financial situation, and it just gets worse. It doesn't get easier, it compounds if you’re already in a tight financial situation.” - Leah Hadley
“When you get to reclaim your life in this next chapter, you get to decide what am I going to prioritize, what are my values?” - Leah Hadley
Guest Bio:
As the Founder/CEO of Great Lakes Divorce Financial Solutions and Great Lakes Investment Management, Leah strives to help clients secure their financial independence through a strategic financial planning process.
Leah is a sought-after speaker on overcoming financial setbacks, avoiding financial mistakes in divorce, and overcoming financial abuse. She has contributed to numerous books and online publications and is the author of When It's Just Not Working: A Practical Divorce Guide for Stay-At-Home Moms. She earned her BA from Bryn Mawr College and holds an MA from Ursuline College. In addition to being an Accredited Financial Counselor (AFC) and Certified Divorce Financial Analyst (CDFA), Leah is a trained mediator with 100+ hours of training in conflict resolution.
Above all, Leah truly enjoys helping her clients succeed and reach their most cherished goals. Actively involved in her local community, she is a longtime member of the Rotary, the National Association of Women Business Owners (NAWBO), and the PTA. Leah enjoys reading, hiking, and spending time with her three children and four dogs in her spare time.
Resources:
Great Lakes Divorce Financial Solutions
Watch Her Thrive Facebook Group
To receive real-time alerts that your child is safe and to receive $50 off your Soberlink device, visit https://www.soberlink.com/partners/different
The Onward app was made for divorced parents to help track, share, and split their children's expenses. Download The Onward App today for iOS or Android!
Saddle Up Segment: Sharing Your Divorce Plan
Saddle Up Segments are bite-size, bonus episodes offering one thing our listeners can do right away to add value to their life. This week I had marriage and family therapist, Brian Burns on the show. He talks about being intentional and planning what you're going to say to your loved ones when going through a divorce. Whether you are telling your in-laws, friends, or even your adult children, Brian has some great tips to work together and communicate in a positive way. Tune in to hear some language you can use to set the stage for an intentional conversation. Like what you're hearing? Be sure to check out the full-length episodes and new releases every Tuesday.
Resources
Doing Divorce Different Soberlink
To receive real-time alerts that your child is safe and to receive $50 off your Soberlink device, visit https://www.soberlink.com/partners/different
The Onward app was made for divorced parents to help track, share, and split their children's expenses. Download The Onward App today for iOS or Android!
How to Tell Your Parents you are Getting Divorced
Marriage and family therapist, Brian Burns, is back again! Today we are talking about how to tell your parents and loved ones that you are getting divorced. Brian has some fantastic advice about navigating family relationships during divorce and creating an intentional message that you and your spouse will share with loved ones. We also talk about maintaining relationships with your ex-family if desired. Brian discusses how to approach telling adult children about a divorce decision and how it may be harder for them than younger children to understand the decision. Tune in today for great tips!
In this episode:
[2:38] How do you navigate family relationships during divorce?
[5:06] How do you make a plan to tell your families that you’ll be getting divorced? [7:40] Communicating the divorce decision when there isn’t a “big reason” why the divorce is happening. [10:48] Creating an intentional message about what you share to your loved ones. [14:19] Tips to maintain relationships with your ex-family. [16:13] How do you approach your adult children about your divorce decision? [18:44] Sharing news on social media about your marriage ending. [22:41] Brian provides his best piece of advice when telling loved ones about divorce.
Key Takeaways:
Have a plan about the message that you want to put out to the world. Hopeful and positive, sharing the bad news of what’s happening in a way that gives enough information to help people understand, but not so much that it violates privacy and hurts people. Talk to your families about your expectations of continued relationships. For example, that you won’t tolerate any negative talk in front of your children about your ex-spouse. With minor children, adult children, and family, you cannot put them in the middle. For adult children, your divorce may be harder for them, as they can feel the emotional weight of the decision.
Quotes:
“As adults we recognize the gravity and emotional weight of things like this, where younger children just don’t have the capacity to really contemplate things that heavy.” - Brian Burns
“Nothing that we're gonna say is more important than love and the care that we have for you, for our family, for our kids, for each other, even though it's bad news. And that just set the tone for continuing relationships. Nothing that we say is going to get in the way of our relationships.” - Brian Burns
Guest Bio:
I’m Brian Burns, and I have been practicing as a licensed family therapist since January 1999. I specialize in helping adults in the midst of relationship crises restore trust, intimacy, and communication. Whenever possible, I prefer to help couples save and strengthen their marriages or committed relationships. However, not all relationships can (or should) stay together. In these cases, I help the couple end the relationship in a way that is healthy for everyone, especially when there are children involved. I am also a certified mediator, parenting coach, and Rule-29 Neutral in the State of MN. This means I have the skills and experience necessary to help parents who are divorced to make agreements about parenting in a collaborative and child-centered manner. I believe that even though conflict and fear can bring out the worst in people, everyone has the capacity to be a better version of themselves, and that our children need us to give it all we have to be our best.
Resources:
The Grey Divorce Podcast Episode
To receive real-time alerts that your child is safe and to receive $50 off your Soberlink device, visit https://www.soberlink.com/partners/different
The Onward app was made for divorced parents to help track, share, and split their children's expenses. Download The Onward App today for iOS or Android!
Saddle Up Segment: Reclaiming and Understanding Your Finances During a Divorce
Saddle Up Segments are bite-size, bonus episodes offering one thing our listeners can do right away to add value to their life. This week, Lesa reflects on her conversation with forensic accountant Tracey Coenen. While a divorcing couple utilizing mediation may not need a forensic accountant per se, it is still a good idea to gain an understanding of your combined and individual finances. If you are not in charge of the finances, please do not feel ashamed for not having this information. Lesa touches on different ways you can start this process and create a spending plan for the future. Like what you're hearing? Be sure to check out the full-length episodes and new releases every Tuesday.
Resources
Fraud Coach Website - Doing Divorce Different Resources
Book: Find Me The Money: Take Control, Uncover the Truth, and Win the Money You Deserve In Your Divorce
Book: Lifestyle Analysis in Divorce Cases: Investigating Spending and Finding Hidden Income and Assets
To receive real-time alerts that your child is safe and to receive $50 off your Soberlink device, visit https://www.soberlink.com/partners/different
The Onward app was made for divorced parents to help track, share, and split their children's expenses. Download The Onward App today for iOS or Android!
Divorcing, Where has the Money Gone?
Today I am joined by forensic accountant, Tracy Coenen. She provides some great information for anyone who wants to get a better handle with their finances and then discusses tips for those going through divorce. Tracy provides a list of red flags to look out for and tells the most common places your spouse may hide money. Then she talks about creating a spending plan and how to take control of your finances so that you can feel empowered. You’ll also hear definitions about financial infidelity and financial abuse and how to handle either of those situations. Tune in to this episode so you can feel confident about your finances!
In this episode:
[1:47] What is a forensic accountant? [3:28] How can people use Tracy’s Divorce Money Guide? [4:11] What are the financial red flags that people should keep an eye out for? [5:33] If someone is just starting the divorce process, where should they start? [7:38] How to make a spending plan less stressful. [8:31] What is financial infidelity? [10:04] How do you find something that is hidden such as a savings or checking account? [13:12] What is considered financial abuse? [14:30] Who needs a forensic accountant? [16:30] How to become hands on with finances as you are going through divorce. [18:44] What do you do if statements don’t come through or you don’t have access to something such as a 401K?
Key Takeaways:
At the beginning of the divorce process (or even more), take a look at your bank statements and get an understanding of how you’ve been spending. Having this information will allow you to dig in and see if there are any odd bank transfers, create a spending plan, and determine what spending needs to continue vs. what luxuries you may need to give up temporarily. Watch for red flags during your relationship. Some red flags are: Being secretive about money
Behavior Change - Secretive about where they are at, hiding their phone, etc.
Documents disappearing from the house
Forged signatures on documents
Having you sign documents while insisting you don’t need to read them
Stop relying on your spouse to know all the information about finances. Have monthly meetings where you go over all the finance details - bank balance, spending, 401k accounts, etc. This puts you both on the same page for information and allows you to be knowledgeable about what is going on.
Quotes:
“How empowering it is to know that you have just gotten in your hot little hands the financial data that can help you figure out all sorts of things. You might never use those documents for whatever reason, you might not end up looking at them, but having them is really empowering.” - Tracy Coenen
“When I think about financial abuse, I think of someone using money to control you, to control your activities. So maybe they're restricting what you can spend, maybe they're taking a microscope to what you're spending every dime of it. Maybe they are not even allowing you to have any money to spend. Or they are recklessly spending, endangering your family, they are hiding money from you, there are all sorts of things that can fall under that umbrella.” - Tracy Coenen
Guest Bio:
Resources:
Fraud Coach Website - Doing Divorce Different Resources
Book: Find Me The Money: Take Control, Uncover the Truth, and Win the Money You Deserve In Your Divorce
Book: Lifestyle Analysis in Divorce Cases: Investigating Spending and Finding Hidden Income and Assets
Doing Divorce Different Soberlink
To receive real-time alerts that your child is safe and to receive $50 off your Soberlink device, visit https://www.soberlink.com/partners/different
The Onward app was made for divorced parents to help track, share, and split their children's expenses. Download The Onward App today for iOS or Android!
Saddle Up Segment: Maintaining Balance During Divorce
Saddle Up Segments are bite-size, bonus episodes offering one thing our listeners can do right away to add value to their life. During last week’s episode, financial advisor Jamie Lima talked about maintaining balance in your life. This includes going through your budget and dreaming up your future budget. He discussed the importance of finding a balance between saving to prepare for your future, and living in the now. Like what you're hearing? Be sure to check out the full-length episodes and new releases every Tuesday.
Resources
Allegiant Divorce Solutions Website
Allegiant Divorce Facebook Page
Woodson Wealth Management Facebook Page
Doing Divorce Different Soberlink
To receive real-time alerts that your child is safe and to receive $50 off your Soberlink device, visit https://www.soberlink.com/partners/different
The Onward app was made for divorced parents to help track, share, and split their children's expenses. Download The Onward App today for iOS or Android!
Insights from a Financial Advisor's Personal Journey through Divorce
Today I have financial advisor Jamie Lima on the show. Jamie was a child of divorce, went through a challenging divorce of his own, and now helps others understand their finances while facing divorce. During this episode, Jamie provides great advice and tips regarding the steps people should go through while preparing for a divorce. He discusses creating financial balance in your life. Jamie has such a great way of articulating finances, you won’t want to miss this episode!
In this episode:
[2:21] Jamie tells us his story and background. [7:15] How does Jamie partner with attorneys and mediators through a divorce? [10:19] Jamie tells us about his work and what he does. [12:25] Does Jamie work with individuals or with couples? [17:11] What would be the first thing Jamie would advise someone to do when first going through a divorce. [19:16] What is the next step after understanding your current financial state? [21:38] How to balance out your new budget and lifestyle habits.
Key Takeaways:
When people can go to someone to get clarity, and understand their values and what they want for the future, they’ll be able to come to the divorce or mediation prepared and knowledgeable. This helps you feel more calm and confident with the future of finances. Determine your financial balance and the vision for your life. Do you want to get to the end of your life and have a million dollars saved up, or do you want to spend some money now and enjoy your life today. What do you want saved for retirement? What do you need to maintain your life post divorce? How do you have fun and enjoy life? Set aside any negative/bitter feelings that you may have when possible and work together to come to a solution for your financial settlement. It can happen where one person is so bitter they are going to make it all difficult, but what they forget is that it’s hurting everyone, including the children.
Guest Bio:
I grew up in a family that always seemed to have money challenges. That led me to a career in finance as I wanted to learn and understand how to better support myself and my family. I began my career in 2006 with Morgan Stanley, and in 2011 joined Fidelity Investments. I was responsible for overseeing $1 billion in assets for 450 families and businesses. Today, I primarily focus on mid-career professionals, working to maximize their wealth, so they can do what they love with zero financial stress. I also am a Certified Divorce Financial Analyst® and founded Allegiant Divorce Solutions in 2023 to help others better prepare for, navigate, and recover financially from divorce. I promised myself early on that I would do whatever was required to ensure that my clients never felt the same struggles related to money that I did. I really love helping clients make important financial decisions and making the puzzle pieces ‘fit’ for them. Outside of work my wife, Dawn, and I spend a lot of time in our Jeep driving the country backroads here in inland San Diego, working around our farm (we currently have sheep, goats, chickens, pigs, ducks, and rabbits!) and trying to keep up with our 5 (yes, 5!) kids.
Resources:
Allegiant Divorce Solutions Website
Allegiant Divorce Facebook Page
Woodson Wealth Management Facebook Page
Doing Divorce Different Soberlink
To receive real-time alerts that your child is safe and to receive $50 off your Soberlink device, visit https://www.soberlink.com/partners/different
The Onward app was made for divorced parents to help track, share, and split their children's expenses. Download The Onward App today for iOS or Android!
Saddle Up Segment: Practicing Gratitude and Reclaiming Your Power
Saddle Up Segments are bite-size, bonus episodes offering one thing our listeners can do right away to add value to their life. Going through a divorce creates a lot of stress, and this week’s guest, Gary Miles gives some great tips on getting through these times with gratitude. Tune in to learn how gratitude and acceptance can help you take control of circumstances. Like what you're hearing? Be sure to check out the full-length episodes and new releases every Tuesday.
Resources
To receive real-time alerts that your child is safe and to receive $50 off your Soberlink device, visit https://www.soberlink.com/partners/different
The Onward app was made for divorced parents to help track, share, and split their children's expenses. Download The Onward App today for iOS or Android!
Divorce Stress Coping Strategies
Today I have attorney Gary Miles on the podcast. His mission in his practice is to provide practical tools to help his clients overcome obstacles freeing them to enjoy the success and freedom they crave. Throughout this episode he gives so many incredible tips for working through stressors while going through difficult times. He talks about the benefits of mediation, and how oftentimes the decisions you can reach together will be more beneficial than the conclusions a judge will reach. Gary discusses the importance of gratitude and mentorship to help stay in a positive place. Tune in to fill yourself up with positivity and uplifting advice!
In this episode:
[3:12] Gary shares his story about how he got started in law and what led him to become an attorney. [5:06] Why is being in a high high place not healthy for Gary? [6:35] How did Gary’s recovery impact his career? [9:10] How people can handle stressors while going through a difficult time. [11:57] Gary shares the benefits of mediation. [14:50] How does mediation work when someone cannot feel safe due to a form of abuse? [17:21] Can mediation work with a narcissist? [19:37] How to use mentorship to help people through difficult things you’ve gone through. [25:15] Gary’s advice on what you can do today to stay balanced.
Key Takeaways:
Find the gift in everything. We cannot control our lives, things are going to happen that are difficult, but finding the gifts and trusting that everything will work out the way it is meant to is a great way to have a positive mindset. Working through mediation and coming to an agreement between the two of you will end up being better than any court appointed judge could decide for you and your family. Although you may not get everything you want, it lessens the likelihood of there being resentment because you were able to talk through it and reach a decision together. Practice gratitude - every day for a month, write down 3 things you're grateful for every morning. You cannot write down the same thing twice. Every night, write down the things that happened that day that you're grateful for. Review the morning and evening list every day.
Quotes:
“If parties can reach their own decision, two things happen always. One, it's a better decision for themselves and for the kids. The court could never decide something better for the parties then they could jointly agree themselves. And the second is it's much more enforceable, it's much less likely to be contested because this was our agreement.” - Gary Miles
Guest Bio:
Gary Miles has been practicing law for more than four decades, primarily in litigation and, more recently, in family law. He has been a trial lawyer, managing partner, author, leader, and entrepreneur. He loves helping folks solve their problems. He is passionate about showing people how to free themselves from the prisons that entrap them.
He has seen the pressures we face in the legal profession. He is dedicated to helping his clients achieve fulfillment in their practice. He provides practical tools to help his clients overcome obstacles freeing them to enjoy the success and freedom they crave.
He loves supporting lawyers and lifting the legal profession. He hosts a podcast, The Free Lawyer, with two weekly episodes. He enjoys his Pinehurst, NC, home with his wife, Brenda, and their two beautiful English Goldens. They have five children and five grandchildren (so far!).
Resources:
To receive real-time alerts that your child is safe and to receive $50 off your Soberlink device, visit https://www.soberlink.com/partners/different
The Onward app was made for divorced parents to help track, share, and split their children's expenses. Download The Onward App today for iOS or Android!
Saddle Up Segment: Using Your Divorce As An Opportunity
Saddle Up Segments are bite-size, bonus episodes offering one thing our listeners can do right away to add value to their life. On this week’s podcast, Lesa reflects on her discussion with mediator and family therapist, Brian Burns. Lesa shares about the importance of accountability and humility during the divorce process. She also shares great tips on how to look at divorce as an opportunity for growth. Lesa also discusses the importance of communicating and showing up from an honest, grounding place of truth. Like what you're hearing? Be sure to check out the full-length episodes and new releases every Tuesday.
Resources
Podcast: Talking to Your Spouse About Divorce
Podcast: How do I Know it is Time to Divorce
To receive real-time alerts that your child is safe and to receive $50 off your Soberlink device, visit https://www.soberlink.com/partners/different
The Onward app was made for divorced parents to help track, share, and split their children's expenses. Download The Onward App today for iOS or Android!
How Do I Know it is Time to Divorce?
This week I have my favorite marriage and family therapist, Brian Burns, on the show to discuss how you know when it's time to divorce, how to tell your spouse that you want a divorce, as well as determining what’s next in the divorce process. The episode is packed full of great information for tackling this difficult time in your life, and leaves you feeling a sense of relief by laying out the process to get you through. Tune in today to learn Lesa’s three steps to getting through the divorce process!
In this episode:
[3:48] Brian shares about his new podcast and what it’s about. [6:02] How do you know when it’s time to divorce? [10:18] Are there general guidelines on how to tell your spouse that you want a divorce? [13:42] Lesa shares her three steps of getting ready to go through the divorce process. [17:30] How to decide what you want your divorce process to look like?
Key Takeaways:
When you have a good facilitator/professional who can help you ask questions, communicate, advocate, to work through your divorce when possible. This will save you time and money. You’ll know it is time to ask for a divorce if you have looked in the mirror and gotten clear on what your fault is in the relationship, worked on that issue, and see that there is still no way to come out on the other side. There are exceptions of this such as abusive/toxic relationships. Creating a vision for the way you want your divorce to go and what you want your life to look like on the other side is a great way to set yourself up while going through a difficult time like divorce. Keep your children front and center on the decisions that you make, and use your vision as your north star.
Quotes:
“There's a lot of evidence or research that if you make it past the stressful years of raising young children and managing two jobs and a house, that things get better as long as you kinda don't destroy yourselves in the process.” - Brian Burns
“Divorce is a legal thing because marriage is a contract, a legal contract. But it's much more a relational, emotional, financial family thing. So it makes sense to get as much information as you can about how to navigate it from a relational standpoint, you know, talk to therapists or family experts or financial information from your own budgeting or financial neutrals. And then when it's time, figure out how the law will impact it.” - Brian Burns
Guest Bio:
I’m Brian Burns, and I have been practicing as a licensed family therapist since January 1999. I specialize in helping adults in the midst of relationship crises restore trust, intimacy, and communication. Whenever possible, I prefer to help couples save and strengthen their marriages or committed relationships. However, not all relationships can (or should) stay together. In these cases, I help the couple end the relationship in a way that is healthy for everyone, especially when there are children involved. I am also a certified mediator, parenting coach, and Rule-29 Neutral in the State of MN. This means I have the skills and experience necessary to help parents who are divorced to make agreements about parenting in a collaborative and child-centered manner. I believe that even though conflict and fear can bring out the worst in people, everyone has the capacity to be a better version of themselves, and that our children need us to give it all we have to be our best.
Resources:
Podcast: Talking to Your Spouse About Divorce
Podcast: How do I Know it is Time to Divorce
To receive real-time alerts that your child is safe and to receive $50 off your Soberlink device, visit https://www.soberlink.com/partners/different
The Onward app was made for divorced parents to help track, share, and split their children's expenses. Download The Onward App today for iOS or Android!
Saddle Up Segment: Understanding Why the Breakup is Happening
Saddle Up Segments are bite-size, bonus episodes offering one thing our listeners can do right away to add value to their life. On this week's episode I had Jackie Pilossoph of Divorced Girl Smiling on the podcast and she walks through how to heal a broken heart. She talks about the importance of understanding why the breakup is happening and taking accountability for the things you can control. She also talks about taking mini steps to be more successful with the things you want to change in your life. Like what you're hearing? Be sure to check out the full-length episodes and new releases every Tuesday.
Resources
To receive real-time alerts that your child is safe and to receive $50 off your Soberlink device, visit https://www.soberlink.com/partners/different
The Onward app was made for divorced parents to help track, share, and split their children's expenses. Download The Onward App today for iOS or Android!
Heartbroken and Divorced? Let's Start Healing with the Divorced Girl Smiling
On today’s episode, I have the joy of speaking with Divorced Girl Smiling, Jackie Pilossoph. Jackie is such a light in this world, and a leader in helping connect those going through a divorce with the best resources out there. We talk about what it feels like to end any type of relationship, whether it be a friendship or a romantic partnership, the pain is similar and can turn your world upside down. Jackie talks about leaning in to your feelings and emotions in order to come out on the other side stronger. Tune in to hear the positivity that Jackie radiates and how to understand why the heartbreak hurts so much in the first place.
In this episode:
[2:10] Jackie shares what led her down the path to be the Divorced Girl Smiling. [5:10] What made Jackie write her article about heartbreak? [6:47] Understanding the why around heartbreak is the first step to working through it. [11:28] When to let go of the hope that things will change. [14:16] What does Jackie mean when she says she is tired of being hurt? [16:35] Breaking up with a friend vs. a lover - they are one in the same. [17:34] Jackie talks about how she was forcing things to be right even though they weren’t right for her. [19:25] What happens when you really love someone, but there is just no way to fix the relationship? [22:25] Understanding anxiety and how to manage it.
Key Takeaways:
The best thing you can do is to take care of yourself. You can only control yourself, you can make all the changes you want in yourself, but you can’t make your spouse change. Acknowledging all of your feelings and emotions are the healthiest way to get through the pain. People who don’t acknowledge all the feelings, they get angry and bitter. If you have the vulnerability and the guts to say what you are actually experiencing then it will help you in healing quicker. If you make little changes, one a week, and focus on that one change for the full week. If you have little changes, you’ll stick to them and then you can build on that new habit.
Quotes:
“Next time you feel that way, you should say to yourself, Don’t I deserve better? Do I really deserve to be treated this way?” - Jackie Pilossoph
“You finally come to this point where you realize that if it's not right it's just never gonna work no matter how hard you try. And the other thing I tell people is that both people have to really want it to work. And if they don't, you don't have any chance. If one wants it to work that's not enough. Commitment is the biggest force in keeping couples together. I believe that love is a choice.” - Jackie Pilossoph
“We fall in love and we ignore the bad behavior and the red flags because we, we don't wanna see that it's too painful. We're not ready to break up. We're still in love with a lot of other aspects of the person, so nobody's all good or all bad. And so we don't wanna see those signs.” - Jackie Pilossoph
Guest Bio:
Jackie Pilossoph is the creator and Editor-in-chief of DIVORCED GIRL SMILING, a media company comprised of a website, podcast, mobile app and vetted, trusted professional resources. DGS has a mission to empower, connect and inspire men and women before, during and after divorce. Pilossoph, who holds a Masters degree in Broadcast Journalism, is a former television news reporter and features reporter and writer for the Chicago Tribune. Her syndicated weekly column, LOVE ESSENTIALLY, was published in The Pioneer Press, The Chicago Tribune, and all Tribune Publishing editions for 6 1/2 years. Pilossoph was also a Huffington Post divorce blogger for five years.
Resources:
Lesa Koski Website
Lesa’s Online Courses
To receive real-time alerts that your child is safe and to receive $50 off your Soberlink device, visit https://www.soberlink.com/partners/different
The Onward app was made for divorced parents to help track, share, and split their children's expenses. Download The Onward App today for iOS or Android!
Saddle Up Segment: Seeing Kindness As A Strength In Divorce
Saddle Up Segments are bite-size, bonus episodes offering one key takeaway that our listeners can do right away to add value to their life. Tosh Brittan joined me this week, and she has so many amazing nuggets that she shared with us on the podcast this week. We talked about her book Kindness for Conflict and how you can do it through a divorce. She talked about the benefits of cold water swimming and the benefits. Like what you're hearing? Be sure to check out the full-length episodes, new releases every Tuesday.
Resources
Kindness for Conflict by Tosh Brittan
To receive real-time alerts that your child is safe and to receive $50 off your Soberlink device, visit https://www.soberlink.com/partners/different
The Onward app was made for divorced parents to help track, share and split their children's expenses. Download The Onward App today for iOS or Android!
Navigating Divorce with Grace: Unleashing Kindness in Conflict with The Divorce Goddess
On today’s episode of Doing Divorce Different, I have Divorce Goddess, Tosh Brittan joining me. Tosh is such a bright light and I really enjoyed my conversation with her learning about what led her down the path of divorce coaching and her advice on choosing yourself. Tosh discusses how to create a choice of empowerment during divorce by being your own lighthouse. She talks about how cold plunging has helped her build her resilience, and finally what it’s like to be an empty nester. Tosh shares so many amazing nuggets during this episode, so make sure to tune in!
In this episode:
[2:14] What led Tosh down her path of work? [6:10] Did Tosh’s ex spouse want to go through their divorce the same way she did? [8:16] How to create a choice of empowerment in your divorce. [15:16] What about when you are going through divorce with a narcissist or abuser? [18:33] Tosh discusses her cold plunges and how they’ve helped her build resilience. [25:32] How has Tosh dealt with being an empty-nester? [31:48] Why is writing out your feelings so purposeful and why does it work?
Key Takeaways:
You have a choice, you can be in your lighthouse, be in power, do the work on yourself, or you can be a person who gets drawn down and gets lost in the mess and drama. You get to choose where you are coming from regardless of where your ex-spouse is coming from. Kindness is clever because you are taking ownership. Change the mindset from kindness being weak to being something you own. Be a better person. Your actions will speak and you’ll feel better about yourself, rather than stooping to their level of negativity. When becoming an empty-nester, explore who you are, what do you like about yourself? Self care is so important. There are four things that you can do if you are feeling lonely that will make you feel better.
Quotes:
“If you come from an authentic, honest, kind, place with yourself your operating at a really high vibration, authenticity is the highest vibration we can offer and operate from, and what we can do is be there for ourselves. And what I realized is when I didn't look after myself I got myself into a bit of a state.” - Tosh Brittan
Guest Bio:
Tosh Brittan has been a thought changer around divorce since 2014. Believing in a more integrated approach to this difficult, painful, and challenging life event.
As a divorce coach, MBSR mindfulness teacher and Reiki master teacher Tosh’s client work focuses on emotional and mental well-being and she has created her unique divorce coaching brand - Kindness for Conflict®.
Her blog began in 2014 at her kitchen table, to emotionally and mentally support others going through divorce. In 2019 she started the Divorce Goddess podcast (which ranked #41 in the US and #16 UK Relationship charts).
The @divorcegoddess Instagram page is a testament to others seeking a kinder approach to divorce, with many positive, inspiring messages sent from followers worldwide.
Her book Kindness for Conflict is out January 2023 and she co-authored #1 Amazon Best Seller Category Personal Health Mindfulness for Challenging Times with Shamash Alidina and Ceremonies - The Art of Ritual Living with Holistic Fashionista and is a columnist for Expert Magazine.
Tosh loves cold water swimming and often takes a client for their first dip experience! Loves dancing (ex-clubber at heart) and is an empty nester Mum of two young amazing adults. She lives near the South Downs, Hampshire.
Resources:
Kindness for Conflict by Tosh Brittan
To receive real-time alerts that your child is safe and to receive $50 off your Soberlink device, visit https://www.soberlink.com/partners/different
The Onward app was made for divorced parents to help track, share, and split their children's expenses. Download The Onward App today for iOS or Android!
Saddle Up Segment: Trusting Yourself Through A Divorce
Saddle Up Segments are bite-size, bonus episodes offering one thing that our listeners can do right away to add value to their life. Suzanne’s piece of advice is to take what other people tell you with a grain of salt, especially when it's something so significantly life changing for you. Get quiet and listen to what your voice is telling you. Stick with that, even if others disagree. Create a vision of what you want your divorce to look like and use that as your north star. Like what you're hearing? Be sure to check out the full-length episodes and new releases every Tuesday.
Resources:
To receive real-time alerts that your child is safe and to receive $50 off your Soberlink device, visit https://www.soberlink.com/partners/different
The Onward app was made for divorced parents to help track, share, and split their children's expenses. Download The Onward App today for iOS or Android!
Rebuilding Family: How to Maintain Strong Bonds After Divorce
Today's guest, Suzanne Vickberg, has a very unique story when it comes to how her and her ex handled their divorce. It’s been thirteen years of them continuing to live together, as one big family with her, her ex, his new wife, and their children. She talks about the pros and cons of her family living this way, how it has benefited their children, the challenges with dating and what their life looks like now. Suzanne talks about how they created a vision for life after divorce, and the feedback they received from others. Tune in to learn how to do divorce differently.
In this episode:
[2:56] How Suzanne did divorce differently. [5:02] What was Suzanne’s ex’s reaction to the thought of being divorced but still living together? [6:57] Some pros and cons of living together while being divorced. [9:46] Were either Suzanne or her ex children of divorce? [11:38] How did Suzanne and her ex communicate that they were getting divorced and how they would continue to live? [13:20] What will the household look like once both kids go off to college? [14:26] Do Suzanne and her ex still own the house together? [15:57] What was people’s feedback about their living situation?
[16:45] What made Suzanne want to write her books? [20:57] How can listeners think outside the box and look at other options? How can they get their spouse on board?
Key Takeaways:
There aren’t only two options, there are a variety of ways to deal with situations and circumstances. Look at all the options and ideas that you can come up with and decide if that's the best option for your family. Sit down and do a vision of what the best case divorce could look like. Even if it’s not what you wanted, what could the best case scenario look like? Once you're clear about where you’re going, even if you don’t ultimately land there, you can act intentionally and get closer than if you didn’t have a vision. Instead of taking everyone else’s advice or doing what society says is the right way to do it, talk with your ex and decide how you want to do it. It doesn’t have to look like continuing to live together, but it could look like spending the holidays together, or throwing birthday parties together, or keeping both your names on the house even though only one of you lives there. The options are endless so choose what's best for you and your family.
Quotes: “Take what other people tell you with a grain of salt, especially when it's something that is so significantly life-changing for you. Really get quiet and listen to what your voice is telling you and stick with that, even when other people tell you, maybe that's not a great idea. If you trust yourself, then you are more likely to come up with something that is going to be right for your life, as opposed to everybody else's life.” - Suzanne Vickberg
“I don't think I met a single person in the first two years at least, who ever said, hey, you’re really onto something. Everybody said, nope, that's a terrible idea. Whether they were friends, family, strangers, professionals. I just kind of said, well, I think it's a good idea.” - Suzanne Vickberg
Guest Bio:
Dr. Suz is a social-personality psychologist and a leading practitioner of Deloitte’s Business Chemistry, which she uses to guide clients as they explore how their work is shaped by the mix of individuals who make up a team. Along with her Deloitte Greenhouse colleague Kim Christfort, Suzanne co-authored the book Business Chemistry: Practical Magic for Crafting Powerful Work Relationships as well as a Harvard Business Review cover feature on the same topic.
Resources:
Lesa’s Online Courses
To receive real-time alerts that your child is safe and to receive $50 off your Soberlink device, visit https://www.soberlink.com/partners/different
The Onward app was made for divorced parents to help track, share, and split their children's expenses. Download The Onward App today for iOS or Android!
Saddle Up Segment: Talking To Your Children About Divorce
Saddle Up Segments are bite-size, bonus episodes offering one thing that our listeners can do right away to add value to their life. Lauren Reitsema shared the importance of communicating with your child(ren) about the divorce by being certain, sharing the timeline and being as specific with details of what the future will look like. Have the conversation in a neutral place, as it's a conversation that they’ll remember forever. Allow your children to feel the pain and their emotions, don’t sugar coat the conversation about how things will be better. She also gives some great tips on dating after divorce. You don’t want to miss it! Like what you're hearing? Be sure to check out the full-length episodes and new releases every Tuesday.
Resources:
In Their Shoes by Lauren Reitsema
To receive real-time alerts that your child is safe and to receive $50 off your Soberlink device, visit https://www.soberlink.com/partners/different
The Onward app was made for divorced parents to help track, share, and split their children's expenses. Download The Onward App today for iOS or Android!
Understanding and Connecting with Your Kids During Divorce: Insights from 'In Their Shoes' Author
Today I am honored to have author and communication specialist Lauren Reitsema on the show. Lauren has a wealth of knowledge when it comes to preparing children for divorce and starting a new relationship post divorce. Lauren gives wonderful advice about talking with children and what information to provide them with as you are in the beginning steps of a divorce. She also talks about the importance of taking ownership and understanding what areas you may have to work on after the divorce, even if it’s just 1%. Tune in for tips on how to make a divorce a little bit easier with children.
In this episode:
[2:35] How Lauren came to be a communication expert in this field. [6:07] What was the path that Lauren’s parents went through during their 2 year separation and what brought them to the decision to divorce? [11:26] Lauren shares her advice for parents telling their children that they are getting a divorce. [17:50] How should you make decisions about dating and introducing children to a dating relationship? [24:14] How can we find hope post divorce that our next relationship will be healthy and successful? [27:09] What does it mean to take ownership in the divorce?
Key Takeaways:
The human spirit wants peace, connection, and a world where everyone is truly being kind and loving well, but very few of us are shown resources on how to do this. Kids want to know, they want to understand what is happening, so be clear to them, give them dates and other concrete information that they can know and be aware of. Hiding it and just continuing on with life without having a conversation on the why leaves the children feeling lost and confused. In order to move forward with life post divorce and even into new relationships, take the time to find ownership in your part of the divorce, and reflect on what you can work on/improve so you are equipped to move on and have a different relationship in the future.
Quotes:
“If you can see those two relationships totally independently, I think you'll have more success. Nurture the romantic context, the romantic adult boundaries as you would, and allow the children to kind of date you as well in their own time, at their own pace, with their own language and core. Because if you immediately project that you care about them like you do for their parent, it's seen in most cases as very dishonest and a little bit presumptuous.” - Lauren Reitsema
“Look at yourself with a very objective lens. Find some people who you can hear hard things from and say, ‘what did I do that contributed to this in a way that I know I need to change before another person enters in’ because the other person that you find is not gonna be the magic pill that makes your life harmonious.” - Lauren Reitsema
Guest Bio:
Lauren’s interest in relationship skills began when her parents divorced after almost 20 years of marriage. Seeking to understand better patterns for her own future legacy, she earned a Bachelor’s degree in Communication Studies from TCU. Lauren is the author of In Their Shoes, a book dedicated to helping parents better understand and connect with children of divorce. Her newest book, Relationship Essentials, released November 16th, 2021 and features skills to help people feel heard, fight fair, and set boundaries in all areas of life. Lauren is the Interim President of The Center for Relationship Education, headquartered in Denver, CO, and her vocational speaking experience spans over 20 years. She teaches a variety of relationship skills to teens, adults and corporate teams.
Resources:
In Their Shoes by Lauren Reitsema
Lesa Koski Website Lesa’s Online Courses To receive real-time alerts that your child is safe and to receive $50 off your Soberlink device, visit https://www.soberlink.com/partners/different
The Onward app was made for divorced parents to help track, share, and split their children's expenses. Download The Onward App today for iOS or Android!
Saddle Up Segment: Ending Toxic Cycles
Saddle Up Segments are bite-size, bonus episodes offering one key takeaway that our listeners can do right away to add value to their life. Mikki Gardner shares how to build the muscle of pausing and giving yourself the space to figure out what is the next most loving decision. Learning how to pause, and step back, and give yourself the space will help you calm down. When you are in a calm state you can make different decisions rather than react to situations. This teaches you to be conscious and awake in the decisions and actions that you are doing. Like what you're hearing? Be sure to check out the full-length episodes, new releases every Tuesday.
Resources
To receive real-time alerts that your child is safe and to receive $50 off your Soberlink device, visit https://www.soberlink.com/partners/different
The Onward app was made for divorced parents to help track, share and split their children's expenses. Download The Onward App today for iOS or Android!
Breaking the Cycle: Navigating Toxic Communication in Co-Parenting After Divorce
On this week's episode of Doing Divorce Different, Mikki Gardner joins the podcast to talk about breaking the cycle and navigating toxic communication in co-parenting relationships. Mikki provides some insightful tips around working through toxic co-parenting, how to stay in control of your own emotions, and reduce the triggers that may be experienced from an ex spouse. She talks about how to navigate different parenting styles and how to stay true to your values and vision of parenting. Tune in today for this incredible episode packed full of useful nuggets.
In this episode:
[02:00] Mikki shares her story of how she got into the work she is doing. [08:08] What does Mikki's family structure look like now? [09:48] How does Mikki recommend people work through toxic co-parenting? [13:48] What does Mikki do with conscious co-parenting? [16:25] How can people respond rather than react? [22:20] How can you navigate different parenting styles?
Key Takeaways:
Parenting is not about the child. Parenting is about the parent, co-parenting is no different. Don’t lose sight of what's important, which is the child. Keep your kid centered, don’t pull them back and forth between the parents. When you are feeling reactive or triggered, pause and step back and realize that you do not have to respond right away. Determine what it is you are seeking and what you want to do before you respond. You get to be in charge of your home, what you believe, and how you parent, but you also have to allow the other co-parent to do the same in their household.
Quotes:
“And after a lot of trying and a lot of things, I came to the realization that I was the example to my son of what it looked like to be a woman, to be a wife, to be a mom, to be a sister, all the things. But, was I being an example of a woman and a wife and a mom that I would want him to use as his standard? And the answer overwhelmingly was no. And so in that moment I understood that I had to go a different direction, and I had no idea what that looked like.” - Mikki Gardner
“You always have a choice, but as long as you are reacting to your triggers, you are in a state of survival. You're not in a state of making calm, rational decisions. So first and foremost, we have to learn when we're triggered, how to calm ourselves down so that we can make good choices.” - Mikki Gardner
“The first thing I do with each of my clients is create a vision for their life. This is so important because we can't continue to live in a reactionary state just doing what we don't want. We have to create a destination, a lighthouse of sorts that tells us where we want to go because the storm is gonna come. The night is gonna be dark. We're not gonna be able to see our way, so we need to have that sort of lighthouse vision of where we're going.” Mikki Gardner
Guest Bio:
Mikki Gardner is a certified life coach through the Life Coach School and trained to help women sort out the overwhelm, confusion, fear, and self-doubt they feel after divorce.
She is certified in the Conscious Parenting Method as well as Applied Positive Psychology where she is trained to help moms move past their limiting beliefs, unravel the patterns of their past and become strong, effective, loving parents.
Resources:
To receive real-time alerts that your child is safe and to receive $50 off your Soberlink device, visit https://www.soberlink.com/partners/different
The Onward app was made for divorced parents to help track, share, and split their children's expenses. Download The Onward App today for iOS or Android!
Saddle Up Segment: Talking to Your Spouse About Divorce
Saddle Up Segments are bite-size, bonus episodes offering one thing that our listeners can do right away to add value to their life. Bridget’s first piece of advice was when talking to your spouse about divorce, don’t look backwards. Give them the information in a business-like way if you can, and then allow them the time to examine their feelings. Also, focus on practicing gratitude. Find one small thing each day to be grateful for. This can help turn your mindset around. You can write your gratitude in your journal, go outside, be in nature, go for a walk, get some exercise, whatever helps your mindset the most. Like what you're hearing? Be sure to check out the full-length episodes and new releases every Tuesday.
Resources:
To receive real-time alerts that your child is safe and to receive $50 off your Soberlink device, visit https://www.soberlink.com/partners/different
The Onward app was made for divorced parents to help track, share, and split their children's expenses. Download The Onward App today for iOS or Android!
Emotional Navigation: How a Divorce Coach Can Guide You Through the Business of Divorce
Today we are joined by divorce coach, Bridget Leschinsky. Bridget shares what a divorce coach is and how people can save money by utilizing one. Having gone through a divorce herself, she is experienced in what the process looks like, and the gaps that people run into while going through divorce. She gives advice on telling your spouse that you want a divorce, to working together on a co-parenting relationship, and how to tell your children. Bridget also gives mindset tips on dealing with triggering situations. Tune in for some insight and tips from an experienced divorce coach!
In this episode:
[1:03] Bridget’s authentic story. [4:02] What is a divorce coach? [6:46] What does the first call with a divorce coach look like? [8:35] How does Bridget recommend a spouse to talk about their feelings and decision to move forward with divorce. [10:02] How does she advise telling your kids about the decision to go through divorce? [12:26] How can spouses prepare to work with a divorce coach? [14:35] How does Bridget work with clients on the emotional aspects of divorce? [16:12] How does someone find their best self and their values? [17:17] What can people do when they are triggered during the divorce process? [19:05] How does Bridget help people with their co-parenting communication?
Key Takeaways:
The average divorce is probably $20-$30k. Look at your options, if you can be at least somewhat collaborative, look into a divorce coach and a mediator to reduce costs. Understanding triggers before you go into the conversation, seeing the warnings and then catching yourself and not falling into the trap can really help in their marriage, going through a divorce, and in future relationships. Taking care of yourself and operating from the high road, and a place of positivity oftentimes will push the other person to move to the high road. It’s contagious to be around someone who is being positive.
Quotes:
“That to me is someone you can call on, and they can give your referrals to other professionals that they need, they can open up ideas, concerns. They can help you focus forward on what you want at the end of the divorce. They can help you think of a divorce budget, a lot of people don't think when they go into a divorce what do I want to budget for the divorce. We budget for school, retirement, a new home, but we don’t budget with our divorce, we just go in blindly.” - Bridget Leschinsky
Guest Bio:
Going through a divorce can be one of the most traumatic and costly experiences. As someone who went through divorce, with two small children, I know divorce is an overwhelming process and hard on the whole family. Even if you initiate the paperwork, you can feel like a failure.
As a CDC Certified Divorce Coach®, CDC Certified Transition and Recovery Coach® and Family Mediator, I do not advocate for divorce, but the reality of divorce happens. I decided to utilize my lifelong passion for helping others along with my professional training to guide people through the chaos of divorce. My main goal is to encourage families to be their best selves throughout the divorce process in order to minimize the negative effects on the children and be able to co-parent successfully after the divorce. I work with individuals who are thinking about divorce, going through a divorce, or transition and healing after a divorce.
CDC Certified Divorce Coach®
Certified Transition and Recovery Coach®
Qualified neutral under Rule 114 of the Minnesota General Rules of Practice
Proud Member of:
Collaborate Law Institute of Minnesota
International Academy of Collaborative Professionals
American Bar Association
Resources:
Lesa Koski Website To receive real-time alerts that your child is safe and to receive $50 off your Soberlink device, visit https://www.soberlink.com/partners/different
The Onward app was made for divorced parents to help track, share, and split their children's expenses. Download The Onward App today for iOS or Android!