Life in the Slow Lane

Needing a staycation, Rebecca and Jason booked a rather expensive hotel room in Delray Beach. What they got was an overpriced motel. From the bed of the motel they catch up on what's been going on and have some well needed laughs as the pandemic starts to wind down. 

This podcast started in a car and now that Rebecca and Jason work from home it is harder than ever to find time to share their crazy stories. Zoom is just not the same (we think you'll agree) but one of our fans (Dana) cracked the whip and told us that we can't make a comeback and then wait weeks between episodes. So here we are....our newest episode. Jason's off coffee again, be warned. 

Life just isn't the same with COVID-19. Sorry to keep all our listeners waiting but life has changed (as you know). But we're back with some light-hearted laughs. We missed you!

Jason and Rebecca break out of jail home and where is the first place they go? The parking lot of Target. Huddled in Rebecca’s car, they toast their red solo cups to their new-ish freedom and catch up about life during VID. Staying 6 feet apart is the new 5-second rule. Have some laughs on us.

Rebecca breaks out of her house (aka prison) to meet Jason (6 feet away) for some libations, good times and rock n’ roll.

Okay people. Just when you thought pineapple on pizza was crazy…Italy is on lockdown because of CV. This is almost as crazy as the cat killing YouTube serial killer. But seriously, nobody fucks with cats. Can you pass the true or false “battle of the sexes” quiz? Spoiler alert, men lie more than women.

In this episode, Rebecca and Jason discuss the overly discussed Coronavirus in their hot topics segment which oddly leads to talks about blue-haired republicans. Can you dye your hair blue when you’re over 50? Can you eat Vicks? Find out in this episode of Life in the Slow Lane.

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We didn’t plan to talk about dating and all the things that can go wrong, like farting with your significant other, but it just happened to work out that way in today’s episode. It doesn't stink, it's actually pretty funny. 

We are going to start reading THE SMALL PRINT now that a woman won over 7k. What is the weirdest thing you've seen at the gym. Rebecca couldn't answer because she really doesn't go.

Purse fires can’t get you fired but they can keep you from getting hired, Rebecca finds out first hand. Bad breath can also keep you from getting a foot in the door so before you head out, lick your hand, and if that doesn’t work, ask a kid. They always tell the truth. And oh yeah, Florida is creepy AF. Slip and slide into our DMs.

The end times are near folks. Miami feels the earth shake under its feet and word on the streets is Mr. Peanut is about to be killed off. Miami is the mark of the BEAST-iality…we didn’t know how else to work in the awkward conversation of beastiality brothels. Give us a break.

Don't we all wish we invited such simple things like the Post-it or you know, Vagina Candles. We'd be millionaires right about now. And when you are a millionaire you can do anything you damn well please. You can be the snobbiest. You don't even need to blame it on a full moon. Rebecca try out a new format for their show. New year, new us. Sure. 

Be sure to hit us up on Instagram or FB Messenger if you think you can guess the special word in this episode. Game on.

Welcome to 2020. A new year. A new you…maybe. Rebecca proclaims to keep the same resolution she makes every year, not to resolute! If you’re making a resolution to save money this year, go halfsies with a friend and save yourself $2.99. Looking to travel more this year? Visiting Fucking in Austria. Everyone else is.

Overpriced Banana, Over-Served and Overachiever

This whole episode is over. Rebecca has never over drank a day in her life according to new thought…she has always been over-served. A certain banana taped to a wall is overpriced and a certain teenager is an overachiever. Our year of podcasting is over too. See you in 2020!

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Jason and Rebecca tell the tale of what happens when you bring your friends to Thanksgiving for the first time. Some people can’t cut a break whether they buy a cheap or expensive turkey. Some people will take selfies with purple wine teeth. Some people will write songs about it. This episode is stuffed.

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Jason returns from California with a few stories to tell. Rebecca is horrified that he took a ride with a stranger despite the word “help” written on the back window. Car windows should only be reserved for when your big ass rug doesn’t fit in your car. And backseats should be reserved for bears. Have a laugh or a few as Jason and Rebecca return to “life in the slow lane”.

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Jason is still on vacation so while we wait for him to return, have a listen to another one of our favorite episodes. BOLO for a fresh new episode next week. 

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We thought we'd dig up an oldie but goodie. Have a listen to "Birthday Girl, Arranged Marriages & Signs" which happens to be one of our most listened to podcast. Enjoy!

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Rebecca and Jason relive a night of drinking and laughs. They learned a new phrase from the queen of crazy, Roseanne Barr, and now they can’t stop using perverse reversal. Rebecca stops Alexa in her tracks but lets Dom take her pizza order. I mean, can we even call them operators anymore?

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Rebecca bakes pies for her dad and really ducks up, ducks up, FUCKS UP! Damn autocorrect. Our phones should know us already like a Thai king knows his concubine. What is more awkward than your side chick trying to steal the monarchy? Funeral pics. It’s Rest In Peace not Rest in Pics.

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Rebecca tries something new when she visits an assisted living facility to play bingo. She discovers that decorating walkers is a thing and nobody messes with $5 bingo! Do you know why things are called pairs? A pair of pants? A pair of glasses? Either do we. We do know however that you can blame the wind for a baggy of cocaine in your purse. That doesn’t mean you’ll get away with it.

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Take a trip back in time with Rebecca and Jason as they learn about what a good wife was like back in 1955. Let’s just say it would have been better to be a cooter tic rather than a woman back then. Are you a straight or gay porn kinda gal? Clearly no subject is off limits with Jason and Rebecca.

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50th Episode!

Jason and Rebecca made it to the big 5 OOOOO.  Not much has changed in 50 episodes as these two can’t move passed the paper straws and Jason’s continued fear of flying in planes.  They discuss the SUPER emotional environmental “kid” that could really use vacation time or an anti-anxiety pill, hairy asses, and why packages that contain scissors don’t come with an apparatus that can assist you in opening up a package of scissors without losing a digit or two.

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Don’t got the time for some Life in the Slow lane? No worries. Webster gots your back. Soon there will be hundreds of new words that you can use to say the old words faster. Dic is short for dictionary. Why? Because we have a planet to save and Greta isn’t fucking around. Wait, did we just say dic is short?

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Wipers, A/C Demands, and Baby Mixups

To wipe or not to wipe is not the question. Our superfan Sandy poses the questions…do you fold? Crinkle? Stand or sit to wipe? Rebecca and Jason get personal. Boob sweat throws Rebecca into a rage for the AC to be fixed at her house. She’s now for hire to deal with all your customer service needs. 1-800-GET-BITCHY

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Want to know how to email like a boss? We got tips. Not the kind of tips you lose when you tell Rebecca to relax. And not the kind of tips you lose when you leave a foot mask on too long. We have nothing else to say about tips. Just listen to this episode.

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What the COOP!!!! Jason and Rebecca “braved” Hurricane Dorian (by doing light yard work and movie night).  Jason can’t watch a movie without looking out for a “mistake” and Rebecca can’t deal without other people telling her about movies! What’s your favorite . . . .Podcast? Answer: Life in the Slow Lane!  Smooches, loves.

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Jason & Rebecca get one more podcast in before Hurricane Dorian ruins South Florida. We can understand water and gas running out but Burger King not having fries? WTF, the world is ending. Things might be getting crazy but Jason & Rebecca sill have time for a game of “would you rather”. Much is revealed. Maybe too much.

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School cops thought they had a grip on after school pickups until Rebecca breaks the rules. Ain’t no badge gonna keep her mouth shut though. She’s not the only one breaking rules. On his way to a rafting trip, Jason witnesses a pilot not using airplane mode on his flight. A classic tale of do as I say, not as I do! Speaking of do do, Rebecca poses the question, is it okay to fish out toilet paper from the waste basket if you run out on the roll?

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Do most of those hole-in-the-wall psychic places stay open late because they know you’re coming or is something else going on? Rebecca and Jason are tempted to find out but not enough so to stay up late. Cops in New Jersey damn near needed a psychic to help solve the mystery of diapers being dumped in roadways. 10 months it took to nab the dumper. Elsewhere, a vigilante didn’t want to wait so long so he called upon Buddha to end his trash woes. And by called upon, we mean he bought a Buddha statue and erected it in the median outside his home. The trash dumping stopped but Buddha came with friends and we aren’t talking trash pandas. Listen in on this interesting conversation between Rebecca and Jason.

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Have you heard about that product on Amazon that has 500 5-star reviews? The one you didn’t buy because it has just 1 really bad review? If you’re like Rebecca and Jason, you listen to the complainers before you purchase. Right on! Rebecca gets ripped off with a fake tan so she takes life by the balls and becomes a certified sprayer of the tan. FYI, you can grab your balls but you should never spray your balls. You’re welcome. Now all Rebecca’s friends will have an eternal tan in the sunshine state. Let that sink in like a foot cream you keep using despite your foot looking like it’s moldy and about to fall off (like some lady complained about on Amazon).

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Advice: (wo)man up and don’t rely on your bartender to bail you out. More advice: call for a life line whilst sitting on the shitter when you have one of those tough, coming out side-ways, poos. We aren’t talking Winnie here. Jason admits gorging himself on the diverse menu at Cheesecake Factory but Rebecca can’t see past the advertisements in between her choices of Tex Mex Egg Rolls and Buffalo Wings. More, more advice: bring an umbrella, knee pads, and head gear when on a river boat unless you like golden showers then play ball? Jason is quite impressed with Rebecca’s knowledge of American phrases that really have no meaning yet somehow do have meaning. Join these two on your drive and allow them to either entertain you or completely gross you out.

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40th EPISODE!!!

Who is your equal? It depends on what bathing suit you're sporting at the local water park.  Rebecca and Jason discuss people who answer phones when they have ZERO chance of ever hearing what you are saying, the last remaining AOL account and SUPERFAN (a/k/a stalker), Sandy. Caramel apples and cakes will get you anything Sandy. #belikeSandy. Heed this Public Service Announcement: DO NOT GO to Key West, with kids, unless you plan on being caught on video falling off a paddle-board like a wrecking ball falling into a kiddy pool and then being forced to watch that video (in support of that kid’s “creative side”). There’s also the fun of getting stranded in mangroves or watching man girls sober at a drag bar. Just no. 

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Rebecca doesn’t quite understand (nor does she like) the “no sugar” part of dieting. Jason brings her a coffee with no sugar and with just one quick look he sees the utter disgust on her face. Quickly he reminds her that she “gets” to drink coffee (listen to Episode #38). In this episode, their topics bounce between surviving a horror movie, the lady that got “lost”, and weird shit that people steal.  Hey, who is up for rushing Area 51? But shhhhh, don’t tell the aliens OR the government.  We might just walk-in on a gang bang. LIFE HACK you don’t have (but you GET to) order at the first window at a drive-thru.

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You (clap) need (clap) to (clap) listen to (clap) this episode. Actually, you GET to listen to this episdoe according to Rebecca’s new outlook on life. You’re welcome. No matter if you like to brawl at Disney, wear a murse, or sip from deadly metal straws, you’ll love this episode. And if you don’t, well then you’re no better than those damn Ross labels that are a bitch to get off. 

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A Tennessee boy would rather go to prison for stabbing his brother than ride in the car with him for 8 hours. Sorry kid, we hate 95 in Miami but prison isn’t peachier. While prison boy is settling in, Rebecca, Jason, and friends, made a prison break at the local escape room (thank you Red Button Escape). Here it’s safe to drop that bar of soap. Wink, wink. Also in this episode, Jason dives deep into Rebecca’s mind by asking her to finish random sentences. Look at that girl’s big ____________________. 

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Phones down, Escape Rooms, and Silent Parties

The time has come for Jason and Rebecca to experience an escape room together, but first pre-drinks at her house. Surrounded by friends, they clip on their mics, pour some drinks and do what they love doing…talk about everything and anything. Some of their friends chime in as Jason & Rebecca talk about not trusting people who lay their phones face down on the table and how weird silent parties can be. 

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Knowing when to hold’em and when to fold’em doesn’t just apply to card playing anymore. We are talking about long awkward hugs. Being a Monday morning, Rebbeca and Jason talk about things that annoy them. Hairy apples, feet dragging, and ATT’s bullshit. But before you think they’ve boarded the the Negative Nancy Train, take a listen. They do have some positive vibes they’re sending out including a hug shout out to Sandy who made our day, week and year! 

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Wakey, wakey sweetpea….rang no alarm ever. Unless you’re a complete weirdo according to Rebecca, who also swears that brushing your teeth without first using water on the brush is a sin. Dead wrong. Jason doesn’t see eye to eye on this but yet again, opposites do attract, sometimes. Now listen up, fold your laundry right out the dryer, keep records of your passwords, and water your dang toothbrush. Do these things and all will be well in the world.  

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Here we go again! We’re like a bad rash, just when you think we’re gone we flare up for a special occasion. Got the itch? Well we got you covered. The driving-duo celebrate Rebecca’s birthday in her car. Special, we know. But look at the positive, at least we get more birthdays than mosquitos. Meanwhile, Jason’s getting mixed signs from the Universe. A guard rail tells him to read the bible and a bus tells him he’s a winner. Good or bad signs? We’ll find out. 

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Jason and Rebecca have no time for robocalls so they hand the phone over to their trusted assistant, Jon Snow. Yeah, they got it like that. Just kidding. We got Robokiller! Jason tries to convince Rebecca that this technology (including her now beloved air fryer) has come at a price…human sacrifice to aliens. But would aliens really want life forms that make a first kiss into a TV show? They might not find real intelligent life here on Earth. ET phone elsewhere. 

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Men are from Mars and women are from Venus. Maybe this is why Jason just put his name on the rover going to Mars? Rebecca is left confused so the conversation switches to something she is well versed in, tips for meeting and mingling with men. Eye contact is key but also creepy. And when you get tired of being yourself, just throw on a wig and give your alter ego a night out.  

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The driving-duo are back at it again. Jason dips into true crime (but just the headlines) after zipping through Puerto Rico. Rebecca vents about new laws that were old laws and the BS of it all. MOVE OVER peeps, the interstate is not for the weak, or the poor, and the internet is NOT for you to post boob shots. #momslife.

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Rebecca discovers something better than whistling while you work. Whistling for some work, all at a push of a button! This app is a mother’s day game changer. Need to save your marriage? There’s an app for that, too! Reminder: Tell your wife you love her. But just how lazy are you? Jason gives Rebecca the test and she passes with flying colors. She doesn’t need coffee to get her going. 

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Bacon, coffee and pancakes, oh my. Jason and Rebecca mix it up by cooking breakfast while they podcast. But let’s be real, Rebecca is the alpha in the kitchen. When two highly functioning people collide, one has to bow out. Peace-out Jason. Breakfast is served! The syrup is sticky and so is the conversation. They go from innocent kids to not so innocent kids. Susie, stop humping that arm chair or else we are going on Wife Swap! 

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Rebecca and Jason go down a list of weird things everyone does. Don’t play coy, Roy! You know you do these things, too. People who never turn their phone on silent are definitely weird, just like that cup of coffee that showed up on Game of Thrones. Winter spiced latte is coming. The convo switches to the similarities between Sex and the City and The Golden Girls but this driving-duo can’t seem to remember SJP’s name! Stay weird people. 

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Sapiosexuals, Porn Blocking and Fake Lashes

What gets you saying oohhhh la la? Maybe fake lashes? A sleep apnea mask? Or that Mensa member? Haha we said member. Everyone has a fetish but not every fetish has a name. Leave it to the intellectuals to come up with a name for being attracted to other intellectuals. Ergo, we present to you Sapiosexuals. Meanwhile Europe is putting the clamp down on underaged online porn viewing. They must really want kids to go play outside. All this and more on this episode of Life in the Slow Lane with Rebecca and Jason. 

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Rebecca gets out from behind the wheel to have a face-to-face with Jason at home. Risking the wrath of the “Beyhive”, she criticizes Beyonce’s Netflix video. But hey, it could be worse. People buy Kanye West’s church merch and other people try to cure themselves with piss. If it’s yellow, let it mellow. Ewwww, gross! Our real hero today is Abigail Disney! Power to the underpaid and overworked! You can be a hero too by never saying a certain 22 things to women. Listen up!

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Rebecca and Jason are back! What does the canister of a Pillsbury Cinnamon Roll and a nose pimple have in common? They both are the work of the devil and a bitch to pop open. We’ll spare you the similarities with the icing. You’re welcome. Rebecca rants about discovering that the stars are now aligned against her Gemini birthright. She’s now pissed about being Taurus according to a new horoscope but that isn’t what’s keeping her from sleeping at night. She checks herself in for a sleep study to see exactly what is keeping her from her ZZZZs. The lights get turned down at 11pm but the anxiety gets turned up. Tune-in to see what happens. 

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Rebecca and Jason decide to take on a dark passenger on their way home. He’s no stranger but he could be considering he’s much younger, doesn’t drink, and is an advocate for paper straws. Our backseat guest, Charles from Utah, chimes in from time to time on important topics like Wazes, mormon gays, and the difference between worthless and priceless. Rebecca is disappointed once again because Jason failed to bring her a gay who does hair or makeup. 

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