Finding Your Way

Trauma is an emotional response to some type of terrible event in a person's life. Types of trauma include physical violence or injury, natural disasters, illnesses, emotional abuse or neglect, sexual abuse, severe loss, bullying, and many other adverse events.  These may be one-time events, multiple instances, or a series of long-lasting repetitive events.

Without addressing past trauma, many people wind up living considerably altered lives as a result of avoiding it.  Trying to ignore it, compartmentalize it or lock it away doesn't solve the problem and the residual effects can be devastating in many ways.

There are a lot of helpful tips and resources out there for getting past the hang-up of worrying about what other people think. Some of them are simple and practical, and others involve a little more soul-searching. What I find to be most helpful so far is to use a self-inquiry process of checking my intentions and weighing them against any potential fallout. As long as I can be honest with myself about who I am and what I’m doing, then I have to be willing for others to not like me.  Hopefully this will also translate into removing some of my other fears that I have been allowing to hold me back as well.  After all, our happiness is our responsibility, not someone else’s. 

We are living in stressful times, and for most of us, our respective political parties are working to create more division and unrest.  Both the liberal and conservative parties need each other to exist, to have a "them" to fight against.  And, since they're the controlling parties, they make the laws that shut out other political parties from having a legitimate chance for introducing more peaceful change that strives for unity rather than division.  It is easy for one party to point a finger at the other, and both would be correct.  It is time for a different approach.

I have driven across the country on long road trips, from coast to coast and up and down the East coast and many places in between.  Before smartphones and apps and even before early GPS systems were common, I would print out directions on MapQuest, and I had a road atlas in my car.

I would usually study the directions or map before leaving, and then just drive.  Sometimes hours on end without even listening to music or speaking to another person at all and other times getting completely sucked into some of my favorite music that evoked various emotions.  Mostly I loved just being there on the road, taking in the sights of the places I was traveling to and through.

Then, when I would get closer to my destination I would  stop and study the map and directions in detail again to know exactly where I was going.  Then I would repeat for the next trip.

Driving is such a great metaphor for my life, both in how I do long trips with a goal in mind, but am not only focused on the details of the destination, and instead enjoying the trip itself.  Also the part about creating space and freedom and a bit of separation from the pack by taking opportunities when I see them and going just a little bit faster than most other drivers.

With all of the unrest and uncertainty happening in the U.S. and throughout the world, there are a lot of systems and institutions being questioned.  Some are being torn down completely.  And although this can be an extremely difficult or uncomfortable process at times, it is also very necessary on occasion so that something better can be created or built in its place.

MindValley founder Vishen Lakhiani calls this beautiful destruction, saying that "sometimes in life you have to destroy what is merely good to allow what is truly great to enter."  We see this not just on a global level, but also with our careers, relationships, belief systems, physical structures and our egos.  A healthy dose of inquiry and questioning our true values can help us determine with things need to be torn down and built anew.

This global crisis has taught us many things, and in many cases they are contradictory at times, depending on when they're experienced.   I shared a blog post over a month ago about re-emerging after this crisis is over.  As bad as it all has been for many of us, I am grateful for the experience and what I've been able to learn from it.  How about you?

The fallout from the Coronavirus pandemic and COVID-19 illnesses is an economic crisis never seen before in the U.S. or around the world.  We all of course want to save lives and protect those who are most vulnerable, but perhaps the reactions to shut everything down will have a much worse result on society.

To help get through this very difficult time, one in which ten million unemployment claims were filed just in the past two weeks, here is a list of eight things that you can to to help make it through.

Everything is in a constant state of change.  The concept of impermanence, though rooted in Eastern philosophy, appears plenty of places elsewhere, often stated as "this too shall pass."  Becoming more mindfully aware of impermanence helps us to accept the present as it is and move from moment to moment.  We can be with moments of struggle, pain and loss rather that feeling like we need to run from it or cover it up, knowing that it will pass.  We can also develop a greater sense of appreciation for all of the good people, experiences and other things in our lives.  Take a few minutes to listen, and see how understanding impermanence may be able to help you.  

Sometimes it is easy to get caught up doing something in one area of life, and we all do it.  But when this goes on for too long, other areas of our lives suffer as a result.  Part of creating a fulfilling life is to maintain a sense of balance.  Here we look at many examples of things we can do to live in a more intentionally balanced way.  

There have been many flawed leaders, sports heroes and other famous people in history.  What makes them flawed?  Who or what do we have more of a tendency to forgive, and why?  Do money, power and fame cause more people to become corrupt, or is it just easier for them to be who they already are? These are some of the things we discuss on this episode. 

I'll admit it.  I am a dreamer and I often make lofty goals and set idealistic expectations that are likely out of reach. In my mind I gravitate toward huge success stories of self-made billionaires. I'm sure I'm not alone in that.

There is a whole industry of people who are building wealth by promoting products and services that cater to that same desire - to catapult someone from obscurity to legendary status. Ploys to develop mastery, to be a high performer, to 10x your growth or to max out your life are plentiful. I, too, have consumed content from many of these people and programs as well. This is in no way a condemnation of them or anyone's desire for success, because I believe their intent is good.

However, even among many of these people, they will share bits of things that have actually improved the quality of their lives the most, and by and large they don't involve the massive accumulation of wealth.  Usually they have to do with things like service, faith, connection, meditative or contemplative practices and other contributing lifestyle enhancements. I have become someone who now looks for patterns and similarities in messages, sort of decoding things through these perceptions and identifying repeat melodies even among otherwise very different songs.

What I have found is that the chasing of that big jump - in anything - is very rarely what actually works. Rather, it is an accumulation of incremental changes or improvements that surmount to those sought-after ideals in life.

What meaning can be derived from past experiences?  How can we use them to move forward in life?  Doing this can be a powerful exercise.  Similarly, how can we assess our purpose for actions in the future?

From the time we were kids through today, we are constantly receiving messages from external sources of how we're supposed to look, what we're supposed to like and who we're supposed to be.  Maybe it's time to look within ourselves to examine our values of who we really want to be, and to then display those outwardly instead. We can choose our own identities and shed any labels that don't really define us.

Too often in life we fall into the trap of placing our happiness on the attainment of a specific goal, object or result.   We attach our self worth to specific outcomes and if it doesn't turn out exactly that way, we allow ourselves to feel down, rather than appreciating the experience, learning from it or finding a suitable substitute.  Understanding how to avoid unhealthy attachment in life can be incredibly liberating, and actually help us achieve more of what we really want.

Real forgiveness is liberating, and sometimes people have misconceptions about what it means.  A great resource that has helped me is the book by  Desmond Tutu called The Book of Forgiving:  The Fourfold Path for Healing Ourselves and Our World.  Are there things that you've held on to that could be let go through forgiveness?  

Our wonderful county needs an upgrade to our two party political system.  It is not an accurate representation of Americans. The us vs. them attitude isn't helping us and a lot of time, money and attention is wasted on battling each other rather than trying to move forward as a collective.  An overhaul of the Electoral College and making it easier for more parties to be included in the political process would be two ways our system could be improved.

We all could benefit from more kindness in the world. The givers and receivers are both rewarded, and there is even some great scientific research to support the benefits. In short, kindness isn't just fluff.

How can you be kinder today?

Susan Cain's book "Quiet - The Power of Introverts in a World That Can't Stop Talking" was a revelation for me when it came out a few years ago. As a self confessed introvert, it helped me to understand more about myself as well as others, especially those closest to me.

I think it is important to help identify the situations and environments that we thrive in, and also to balance those out with other experiences as well.

Rather than pointing out what is wrong with religions, maybe we should celebrate what is right about them and question why ours are telling people that other human beings aren't as deserving of love. Instead of criticizing beliefs, I think we can isolate the harmful actions and focus on the benefits of religious practices, of agnostics, spiritualists, atheists, and other communities and help reform acts of judgment and hate and turn them into acts of love for one another.

With the rising student loan debt, I think it is worth a conversation about the social and economic results of traditional four-year degrees vs. specialized job training and certification.

In Episode 2 of what was originally called the Support For Guys podcast, we take a look at what to do when you feel like your back is against the wall. We talk about grit, resilience, awareness and much more. Thanks for listening!

This is the inaugural podcast by Lucas Catton.  This was originally called "The Support For Guys Podcast," but has since changed its name to be all-encompassing, though continuing the purpose across all genders and identities. There aren't enough resources where people can talk about things on a deeper level with more meaning and less judgment. This is an attempt to open up more conversations about living and to provide a venue for support.

The first episode also includes read thing "We Are All People, A Children's Book About Tolerance," as well as some background about the book.