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Making Polyamory Work

Making Polyamory Work

By Libby Sinback

Grounded in reality and untamed honesty, Libby Sinback tackles the hard questions about how to create and maintain authentic, loving and healthy nonmonogamous relationships.
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[Replay] The Holiday Minefield
[Replay] The Holiday Minefield
Libby reviews some of the biggest challenges that can show up around the holiday season when you're non-monogamous and how to navigate them without exploding an already stressful season.
34:13
November 22, 2022
There's Nothing to Fear
There's Nothing to Fear
LIbby talks about how important it is to talk about fears with our partners. How we respond when our partner shares a fear with us can make a tremendous difference in how we tend to them and ourselves.
13:57
November 17, 2022
New Information Shock
New Information Shock
Libby describes the phenomenon known as New Information Shock and how to handle it when you encounter it in your relationships.
19:26
November 15, 2022
The Most Important Step of Repair
The Most Important Step of Repair
If you want to make a good repair, there's one step that Libby wishes people prioritized more. Mia Mingus - The Four Parts of Accountability & How To Give A Genuine Apology: https://leavingevidence.wordpress.com/2019/12/18/how-to-give-a-good-apology-part-1-the-four-parts-of-accountability/  Repair Episode: https://www.makingpolyamorywork.com/episodes/slow-down-to-break-up?rq=repair  Are You Checking Out or Checking In?: https://www.makingpolyamorywork.com/episodes/are-you-checking-in-or-checking-out?rq=checking  Taming Your Whoosh: https://www.makingpolyamorywork.com/episodes/taming-your-whoosh  Dan Siegel Integrated Brain: https://www.successpodcast.com/show-notes/2019/1/9/the-simple-20-minute-exercise-that-rewires-your-brain-for-happiness-with-dr-dan-siegel
24:24
October 18, 2022
Breadcrumbing and Signposting
Breadcrumbing and Signposting
One tool that might help you with rocking-the-boat type conversations.
20:01
October 11, 2022
Agreements Are Great
Agreements Are Great
Libby talks about why she likes agreements, what purpose they serve in relationships, and some things to watch out for when making them with your partners. Why Predicting Future feelings is So Difficult: https://www.bbc.com/future/article/20200825-why-predicting-our-future-feelings-is-so-difficult
36:03
October 04, 2022
Where Is This Going?
Where Is This Going?
Libby speaks about the Relationship Escalator, and talks about some ways she has found to step off it. Stepping Off the Relationship Escalator: https://offescalator.com/  Solo Poly: https://solopoly.net/
44:19
September 27, 2022
How Do I Know if I'm Polyamorous?
How Do I Know if I'm Polyamorous?
Libby is joined by Multiamory's Dedeker Winston to answer a listener who asks two questions: How do I know if I'm polyamorous? And, how should I go about dating if I'm not sure? Dedeker Winston: https://www.dedekerwinston.com/  Multiamory: https://www.multiamory.com/  Kathy Labriola's Jealousy Workbook: https://bookshop.org/books/the-jealousy-workbook-exercises-and-insights-for-managing-open-relationships/9780937609637
46:40
September 20, 2022
Food
Food
Libby names the 10th relationship of a modern marriage: Food.
15:49
September 15, 2022
Leave Room in a Crisis
Leave Room in a Crisis
Libby talks about the costs of operating your time, energy, and attention at full capacity by default, and why it's worth considering intentionally having more downtime to recharge and also so that you have some room to push if there's a need or crisis. Happiness is Other People: https://www.nytimes.com/2017/10/27/opinion/sunday/happiness-is-other-people.html  One Secret to Happiness: Relationships: https://www.thestatesman.com/lifestyle/75-year-harvard-study-1-scientific-secret-happiness-1503068121.html  Why Your Brain Needs More Downtime: https://www.scientificamerican.com/article/mental-downtime/  Fuck your Dig Deep Button: https://www.instagram.com/tv/CcibA5bFq0D/?utm_source=ig_web_copy_link
41:58
September 13, 2022
9 Relationships of a Modern Marriage
9 Relationships of a Modern Marriage
Did you know that marriage as conventionally practiced in the 21st century (in a lot of the world at least) is actually like... 9 different relationships. In this episode, Libby explains those 9 relationships, and how what marriage is trying to do is pack a whole village into one other person. She asks the question, what could we do instead that might work better? ----------------------- SHOW LINKS Marriage, a History, by Stephanie Coontz: https://www.penguinrandomhouse.com/books/291184/marriage-a-history-by-stephanie-coontz/ The Relational Nonmonogamy Circle: https://libbysinback.com/rnmc
31:55
April 19, 2022
Know Your Power
Know Your Power
How empowered are you in your relationships? Have you stopped to notice where you might be disempowered... or too empowered? In this episode, Libby talks about power dynamics and how important it is to name them if you want to have relationally-empowered partnerships. -------------------------- Libby is presenting at Southwest Lovefest Virtual Con April 24th! https://www.swlovefest.com/virtualcon22 Want help creating empowered relationships? Check out the Relational Nonmonogamy Circle. Next cohort starts April 25. https://libbysinback.com/rnmc/
27:23
April 12, 2022
On Drop
On Drop
Do you know what drop is? In this episode, Libby explains drop, what it is, why it's rough, and what you can do to make it a little easier to deal with.
15:03
April 05, 2022
Veto Happens
Veto Happens
The relationship veto is a controversial topic in polyamory circles. Libby talks about what vetoes are, how they can happen without being called a veto, and how they aren't always a bad thing.
31:35
March 29, 2022
Yes Intent Does Matter
Yes Intent Does Matter
"Intent doesn't matter." That statement has cropped up in multiple conversations online and in person over the years. In this epsiode, Libby shares why that simply isn't true, at least not when it comes to a valued relationship.
28:46
March 22, 2022
For Your Mom
For Your Mom
In this episode, Libby speaks to parents of adult polyamorous children who may be having a hard time with the idea. SHOW LINKS:  It's Called Polyamory: https://thorntreepress.com/its-called-polyamory/ When Someone You Love is Polyamorous: https://thorntreepress.com/when-someone-you-love-is-polyamorous/ The Coffee Break Primer on Polyamory: https://adapowers.medium.com/the-coffee-break-polyamory-primer-6c64b4dc53de This Heart Holds Many, My Life as the Nonbinary Millennial Child of a Polyamorous Family: https://thorntreepress.com/thisheartholdsmany/ The Polyamorists Next Door on Psychology Today: https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/blog/the-polyamorists-next-door
29:57
March 15, 2022
Are you Checking Out or Checking In?
Are you Checking Out or Checking In?
One of the most important things in relationship is to act with intention rather than reactivity, but if we're so busy and distracted all the time, it's really hard to slow down enough to do anything but react when we're upset. Libby invites you to ask yourself this question, "Are you checking out or checking in?"  Show Links:  Your Smartphone is Making you Stupid: https://www.theatlantic.com/technology/archive/2017/08/a-sitting-phone-gathers-brain-dross/535476/  Proactive vs. Reactive: https://www.entrepreneur.com/article/307309  Smartphone addiction: https://sitn.hms.harvard.edu/flash/2018/dopamine-smartphones-battle-time/ Tara Brach and RAIN: https://www.tarabrach.com/rain/
21:60
March 08, 2022
Doing It in a Group
Doing It in a Group
In this epsiode, Libby gives you her best tips for having awesome sexytimes with groups of 3 or more. CN: NSFW. Mature content, including explicit mentions of sexual behaviors in this episode. So um, you may want your headphones in.
44:07
March 01, 2022
The Still Face
The Still Face
Libby talks about the effect withdrawal patterns can have on our nervous systems, and how to navigate that if it is showing up in your relationship. -------------------- Find Libby on the web: https://libbysinback.com
33:15
February 22, 2022
Asking Needs To Be Okay
Asking Needs To Be Okay
"How could she ask for that?" is a phrase I have heard before. It's a phrase I've even said. But I firmly believe, it's okay to ask for whatever you want. The problem lies in whether or not your partner feels like they can say no.  -------------------- Find Libby on the web: https://libbysinback.com
21:57
February 15, 2022
This May Be a Bitter Pill
This May Be a Bitter Pill
Sometimes in our relationships we reach a point where something needs to change or it just won't work for us. But is that even possible? Or do you have to break up? Libby goes over two losing strategies that a lot of people try when they want something different from their partner than what they're getting, and offers what she believes is a better way to get what you want. -------------------- Find Libby on the web: https://libbysinback.com
53:42
February 08, 2022
When is it Okay to Have a One P*nis Policy?
When is it Okay to Have a One P*nis Policy?
By listener request, Libby talks about the one p*nis policy and why it's not a great idea (and the one time it's okay.)  CN: language. Libby uses several words for the male genitalia on this episode. --------------------  RECOMMENDED READING For the Love of Men by Liz Plank  The Will to Change by bell hooks  I Don't Wanna Talk About It by Terrence Real  Playing Fair by Pepper Mint Find Libby on the web: https://libbysinback.com
33:06
January 25, 2022
Getting Closure
Getting Closure
In her recent workshop Break Up Better, Libby answers a question from a participant: "How can I get the other person to own their part to help with closure [after a breakup]?" -------------------------- The Break Up Better Workshop is still available! You can purchase the recording here: https://libbysinback.com/break-up-better/ Find Libby on the web: https://libbysinback.com
14:41
December 14, 2021
The Great Divide with Terry Real
The Great Divide with Terry Real
Libby has special guest Terry Real join her on the show to talk about how patriarchy does its work on our relationships, even for those of us who choose to do things differently. ---------------------- Terry Real's website: https://terryreal.com ---------------------- Find Libby on the web: https://libbysinback.com Sign up for Breaking Up Better: https://libbysinback.com/break-up-better/
22:17
November 29, 2021
A Rule is just a Bad Agreement
A Rule is just a Bad Agreement
Libby blows up the idea that there is any difference between rules and agreements and offers some alternative ways to communicate and negotiate needs in polyamorous relationships. ------------------------- Break Up Better Workshop on November 30 at 7:30 PM: https://libbysinback.com/break-up-better/ Find Libby on the web: https://libbysinback.com
27:37
November 23, 2021
Coming Out
Coming Out
Libby shares her best tips for coming out as polyamorous, mostly hard won through her own coming out mishaps. ------------------------- Break Up Better Workshop on November 30 at 7:30 PM: https://libbysinback.com/break-up-better/ Find Libby on the web: https://libbysinback.com
24:41
November 15, 2021
Who's it for?
Who's it for?
In this episode, Libby outlines 3 different scenarios in which it's unclear who is the giver and who is the receiver, and how to use a magical tool called the Wheel of Consent to help answer this question.  Betty Martin's website: https://bettymartin.org/  The Wheel of Consent: https://bettymartin.org/videos/  --------------------------------- Find Libby on the web: https://libbysinback.com
31:49
November 08, 2021
The Holiday Minefield
The Holiday Minefield
Libby reviews some of the biggest challenges that can show up around the holiday season when you're non-monogamous and how to navigate them without exploding an already stressful season. ------------------------ Kathy Labriola on Polyam Holidays: https://www.kathylabriola.com/articles/poly-holiday-tips Elisabeth Sheff on not coming out during the holidays: https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/blog/the-polyamorists-next-door/201612/poly-the-holidays ------------------------ The Relational Nonmonogamy Circle: https://libbysinback.com/rnmc Find Libby on the web: https://libbysinback.com
31:40
November 01, 2021
My Partner is Having a Mental Health Crisis
My Partner is Having a Mental Health Crisis
On this episode, Libby is joined by Mel Cassidy of Radical Relationship Coaching to discuss a question from a listener about how to navigate polyamory when a partner is struggling with their mental health. Visit Mel on the web: http://radicalrelationshipcoaching.ca/ ---------------------------------------- Find Libby on the web: https://libbysinback.com Join the Relational Nonmonogamy Circle: https://libbysinback.com/rnmc/
39:56
October 25, 2021
Responding to Shitty Feedback
Responding to Shitty Feedback
In this episode, Libby talks about how to respond when someone you love gives you feedback from a hurtful, attacking or otherwise unhelpful place. -------------------------------- Find Libby on the web at https://libbysinback.com Join the Relational Nonmonogamy Circle at http://relationalnonmonogamy.com Sign up for a free coaching session at https://libbysinback.com/apply
11:00
October 18, 2021
The Most Important Phase of a Relationship
The Most Important Phase of a Relationship
In this episode, Libby discusses the 6 phases of relationships, and the one that she thinks is the most important, and most often overlooked. ------------------------ Find Libby on the web at https://libbysinback.com Join the Relational Nonmonogamy Circle at http://relationalnonmonogamy.com Sign up for a free coaching session at https://libbysinback.com/apply
34:35
October 11, 2021
I'm Baaaaaaack
I'm Baaaaaaack
After an unexpectedly long hiatus, Making Polyamory Work returns. [To sign up for the Relational Nonmonogamy Circle, go to http://relationalnonmonogamy.com]
06:15
October 09, 2021
Discovering Your Queerness
Discovering Your Queerness
Libby invites her best friend Mara on the podcast to answer a listener who recently discovered they were queer. Libby and Mara what it was like for them to realize you're queer later in life. ------------------------ MORE READING FOR YOU: Bisexual vs. Pansexual: https://www.minus18.org.au/articles/what's-the-difference-between-bisexual-and-pansexual Does Being Polyamorous Mean that You're Queer Belong: https://medium.com/polyamory-today/polyamory-and-the-lgbt-community-3a8a52debbc3 -------------------------- Find Libby on the Web: https://libbysinback.com The Relational Nonmonogamy Circle: http://relationalnonmonogamy.com Learn more about coaching at http://talktolibby.com
41:06
May 28, 2021
Being Asked to Step Back
Being Asked to Step Back
This episode welcomes a special guest, Mary Thuell, to answer a listener question about being asked to put her relationship on pause so her partner can work things out in their nested relationship. Mary and Libby share their thoughts and experiences with this situation. -------------------- SHOW LINKS She's a Polyamorous Sunday School Teacher: https://www.washingtonpost.com/lifestyle/magazine/shes-a-polyamorous-sunday-school-teacher-one-of-those-things-bothered-her-date/2019/04/08/394a1096-4a64-11e9-b79a-961983b7e0cd_story.html Emily Dickenson's Letter to Mary Bowles: http://archive.emilydickinson.org/correspondence/mbowles/l262.html
29:50
May 06, 2021
Say Thank You to Your Jealousy
Say Thank You to Your Jealousy
Libby shares one way she likes to handle jealousy - say thank you to it? -------------------------- OTHER GREAT RESOURCES ON JEALOUSY The Jealousy Workbook: Insights and Techniques for Managing Open Relationships by Kathy Labriola The Jealousy Survival Guide by Kitty Chambliss Bird by Bird by Anne Lamott -------------------------- Find Libby on the Web: https://libbysinback.com Sign up for coaching at http://talktolibby.com
23:12
May 02, 2021
What if My Partner's Other Relationship is Abusive?
What if My Partner's Other Relationship is Abusive?
Libby invites Shannon Perez-Darby to answer a listener question about what to do when you're in a relationship with someone who is in what appears to be an abusive relationship. CN: abuse, domestic violence ---------------- SHOW NOTES National Domestic Violence Hotline: https://www.thehotline.org/ (or call 1-800-799-SAFE) Shannon Perez-Darby: https://www.shannonperezdarby.com/ Resources for Accountability and Transformative Justice and Supporting Safer Communities: https://transformharm.org/ Friendship as Social Justice Activism: https://press.uchicago.edu/ucp/books/book/distributed/F/bo26275235.html ---------------- Find Libby on the Web: https://libbysinback.com Sign up for coaching at http://talktolibby.com
40:57
March 29, 2021
Nobody Wants to Be a Wet Blanket
Nobody Wants to Be a Wet Blanket
In this episode, Libby introduces an unusually effective tool for combatting overconfidence without ruining the fun when you're in the throes of new relationship energy. ----------------- SHOW LINKS Freakonomics Episode on Failure: https://freakonomics.com/podcast/failure-is-your-friend-a-new-freakonomics-radio-podcast/ ----------------- Find Libby on the Web: https://libbysinback.com Sign up for coaching at http://talktolibby.com
14:45
March 18, 2021
Will the Kids Be Alright?
Will the Kids Be Alright?
Finally an episode on polyamorous parenting. Libby shares her take. -------------------------------- SHOW LINKS How to Talk so Kids Will Listen & Listen so Kids Will Talk: https://www.goodreads.com/book/show/769016.How_to_Talk_So_Kids_Will_Listen_Listen_So_Kids_Will_Talk Untamed: https://www.goodreads.com/book/show/52129515-untamed On Disruption: https://anchor.fm/makingpolywork/episodes/When-Life-is-Turned-Upside-Down-ecpob2 Slow Down to Break Up: https://anchor.fm/makingpolywork/episodes/Slow-Down-to-Break-Up-edjjsa -------------------------------- Find Libby on the Web: https://libbysinback.com Sign up for coaching at http://talktolibby.com
39:39
February 08, 2021
Did You Miss Me?
Did You Miss Me?
In this episode, Libby talks about the gift of time apart. ------------------ Esther Perel: Sex Needs Space - https://www.huffpost.com/entry/sex-needs-space_b_136540 ----------------- Find Libby on the Web: https://libbysinback.com Sign up for coaching at http://talktolibby.com
36:14
January 14, 2021
What's Wonderful
What's Wonderful
In this episode, Libby offers ways to create a culture of appreciation within your relationship, and why that is important, but also how it can sometimes be hard. ------------------------------- SHOW LINKS The Gottman Institute on a Culture of Appreciation: https://www.theatlantic.com/health/archive/2014/06/happily-ever-after/372573/ I Appreciate... Exercise: https://docs.google.com/document/d/1ofEdpMG8KqhPvS0vj6hWWucTfEZdxqHvvJkydmbVuJU/edit?usp=sharing ----------------------------------- Find Libby on the Web: https://libbysinback.com Sign up for coaching at http://talktolibby.com
30:56
December 02, 2020
Got a Problem? Don't Solve It
Got a Problem? Don't Solve It
In this episode, Libby talks about issues that seem to have no clear good solution. Her suggestion? Understanding the problem is more important than solving it ----------------------------------- SHOW LINKS Dreams Within Conflict Worksheet No Advice, Please (how to hold space) ----------------------------------- Find Libby on the Web: https://libbysinback.com Sign up for coaching at http://talktolibby.com
19:29
November 23, 2020
Libby Plus One: The Trap of Easy
Libby Plus One: The Trap of Easy
On this episode, Libby is joined by her partner Kyrr to talk about why it's important to acknowledge the truth about change. ---------------------- SHOW LINKS Giving Kickass Feedback (and When Not To): https://anchor.fm/makingpolywork/episodes/Giving-Kickass-Feedback-and-When-Not-To-ego34v ---------------------- Find Libby on the Web: https://libbysinback.com Sign up for coaching at http://talktolibby.com
22:48
November 16, 2020
Stress in Relationships
Stress in Relationships
Lots of tips in this episode! Libby talks about techniques to manage stress and why it's so important for you and your relationships. ----------------------- SHOW LINKS Emotional Mindfulness Exercise: https://docs.google.com/document/d/10WSyLRGERQLtlFJ8uU-3BQ8kIQUwQNYaRK7KAeA-J8Y/edit Box Breathing Video: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=AOL3isokmY4 Burnout by Emily and Amelia Nagoski: https://www.penguinrandomhouse.com/books/592377/burnout-by-emily-nagoski-phd-and-amelia-nagoski-dma/ Taming your Whoosh: https://anchor.fm/makingpolywork/episodes/No-Advice--Please-eb1pbg No Advice, Please: https://anchor.fm/makingpolywork/episodes/No-Advice--Please-eb1pbg Moving from Complaint to Request: https://vickitidwellpalmer.com/turning-complaints-requests/ Stress Reducing Conversation: https://docs.google.com/document/d/11VWh8j1jGCFdxm13c-rYV8E8FexKuhnr6VYeemadhi4/edit?usp=sharing ---------------------- Find Libby on the Web: https://libbysinback.com Sign up for coaching at http://talktolibby.com
40:41
November 03, 2020
Hinges, Let's Talk
Hinges, Let's Talk
This episode is for you if you're a hinge or the point in a "vee." There's a very common trap that many hinge partners fall into that you must avoid if you don't want to be a sucky hinge. Want to know more? Listen to Libby to learn the most essential hinging skill. ------------------------------------ Find Libby on the Web: https://libbysinback.com Sign up for an intro coaching session at http://talktolibby.com
26:05
October 26, 2020
Libby Plus One: Mono-Poly and NRE
Libby Plus One: Mono-Poly and NRE
Libby is joined by a plus one in this special bonus episode. In it Libby and her guest provide advice to an anonymous post on Reddit in r/polyamory. This post is both about NRE and also being in a mono-poly hierarchical partnership. Original r/polyamory post: https://www.reddit.com/r/polyamory/comments/ilmvuk/hi_guys_just_need_to_get_this_off_my_chest_and/ MPW post on NRE: https://anchor.fm/makingpolywork/episodes/How-to-NRE-eka8c1 ------------------------------------ Find Libby on the Web: https://libbysinback.com Sign up for an intro coaching session at http://talktolibby.com
36:39
October 18, 2020
How to NRE
How to NRE
Is the thought of a new relationship exciting -- or terrifying? In this episode, Libby goes into what happens when you're in a new relationship and all wrapped up in its energy, and offers some practical tips on how to navigate it. ----------------------------------- SHOW LINKS Casual Love, by Carsie Blanton: https://www.carsieblanton.com/blog/post/82149148832/casual-love Science on the brain in love: https://www.eurekalert.org/pub_releases/2005-05/aps-lai053105.php and https://neuro.hms.harvard.edu/harvard-mahoney-neuroscience-institute/brain-newsletter/and-brain/love-and-brain ------------------------------------ Find Libby on the Web: https://libbysinback.com Sign up for an intro coaching session at http://talktolibby.com
30:01
September 29, 2020
Intentional vs. Incidental Time
Intentional vs. Incidental Time
Love is infinite, but time is not, and the struggle is real. In this episode, Libby offers a frame for looking at time that may be at the root of some of your challenges around time, and some creative ideas how to navigate time limitations by looking at not just the amount, but the type of time you're spending with the people you love. ------------------------------------ Find Libby on the Web: https://libbysinback.com Sign up for an intro coaching session at http://talktolibby.com
24:33
September 18, 2020
It's Business Time
It's Business Time
But like, serious business. ------------------------------------- SHOW LINKS Listen Up Episode: https://anchor.fm/makingpolywork/episodes/Listen-Up-e9bv84 Rock the Boat Episode: https://anchor.fm/makingpolywork/episodes/Stand-Up-and-Rock-the-Boat-e9e5mf Multiamory's RADAR: https://www.multiamory.com/radar ------------------------------------ Find Libby on the Web: https://libbysinback.com Sign up for an intro coaching session at http://talktolibby.com
27:23
September 11, 2020
Giving Kickass Feedback (and When Not To)
Giving Kickass Feedback (and When Not To)
Libby discusses feedback in greater depth: what it is, what it isn't, and how to do it exceptionally well. ---------------------------------- SHOW LINKS The Feedback Fallacy (from the Harvard Business Review) The Engaged Feedback Checklist (pdf download) The Feedback Wheel (infographic) ---------------------------------- Find Libby on the Web: https://libbysinback.com Sign up for an intro coaching session at http://talktolibby.com
37:05
July 14, 2020
In a Crisis, Find Your Ring
In a Crisis, Find Your Ring
Libby explains Ring Theory and how it can help people know what to say and to whom in a moment of crisis. Content note: this episode will talk about the outcry against police violence toward Black people and how Ring Theory can help white people respond and support the movement for Black lives. ---------------------- SHOW NOTES How Not to Say the Wrong Thing by Susan Silk and Barry Goldman Stacey Patton on White Women's Tears and Social Media Didi Delgado's Podcast and Facebook and Patreon Kate Anthony: 5 Racist Anti-Racism Responses “Good” White Women Give to Viral Posts Confronting racism is not about the needs and feelings of white people by Ijeoma Oluo How to be a good white ally, according to activists Scaffolded Anti-Racist Resources ----------------------- WHERE TO SEND YOUR RESOURCES Invest in your local community - patronize Black-owned businesses.  Support local organizations creating alternatives to policing. Here's are some places to start: Donate to your local Black Lives Matter Chapter Donate to your Local Bail Fund Donate to the National Bail Out (if they're still taking donations) Black Visions Collective
19:55
June 12, 2020
Repair and Repair Again
Repair and Repair Again
In this episode, Libby talks about repair, how essential it is to having secure relationships, and outlines the steps for how to make a good repair. *From Libby: to my listeners who have been following this podcast for awhile, this is to replace the episode "If You Break if, Fix It" - which was pulled, because it didn't say what I wanted it to say. I'm much much happier with this version, which is VERY different.  -------------------------------- SHOW LINKS Ed Tronick's Work on Repair Study of Parents and Preschoolers and Repair Gottman Insitute: Repair is the Secret Weapon of Emotionally Connected Couples ---------------------------------- Find Libby on the Web: https://libbysinback.com Sign up for an intro coaching session at http://talktolibby.com
37:17
May 19, 2020
Slow Down to Break Up
Slow Down to Break Up
Libby shares her most important advice for people who are breaking up or on the brink (and even if you're not) -- slow down. --------------------------- SHOW LINKS Breaking up on Valentine's Day Normalizing Non-monogamy interview on Relationship Transitions Download the Peaceful Relationship Transitions Playbook Find Libby on the Web: https://libbysinback.com Sign up for an intro coaching session at http://talktolibby.com
22:55
May 05, 2020
Have Better Sex With This One Weird Trick
Have Better Sex With This One Weird Trick
Libby gives some sex advice for your long-term relationships. It's good. Just listen. ---------------------- SHOW LINKS Watch the Movie: Friend with Benefits 7 Ways To Make Practicing Affirmative Consent Sexy 27 Alternatives to Asking "Is This Okay?" -------------------------- Find Libby on the Web: https://libbysinback.com Sign up for coaching at http://talktolibby.com
40:59
April 24, 2020
When Life is Turned Upside Down
When Life is Turned Upside Down
In this episode, Libby talks about disruption and offers a 5 step process to move through it more easily. -------------------------- MORE READING 3 Vital Skills for the Age of Disruption How to Find Meaning in Suffering -------------------------- Find Libby on the Web: https://libbysinback.com Sign up for coaching at http://talktolibby.com
33:38
April 15, 2020
Taking My Own Medicine
Taking My Own Medicine
A quick update on why Libby took down last week's episode on repair, and what she'll be doing instead.
06:50
April 06, 2020
The Autonomy Problem
The Autonomy Problem
In this episode, Libby gets real about what COVID-19 means for polyamorous people, but how it's also teaching all of us an essential lesson about our relationships - which is that autonomy is an illusion. We need that lesson right now. But we also always did. -------------------- Sign up for the Relationship Survival Skills class: https://libbysinback.com/survival-skills/ Find Libby on the Web: https://libbysinback.com Sign up for coaching at http://talktolibby.com
38:00
March 24, 2020
Polyamorous in a Pandemic Part 1: Remember Love
Polyamorous in a Pandemic Part 1: Remember Love
Things look pretty different in the world today than they did two weeks ago. Libby has a message for everyone as we face down new and challenging circumstances. ----------------------------------- Find Libby on the Web: https://libbysinback.com Sign up for coaching at http://talktolibby.com
29:21
March 17, 2020
Look Where You're Going
Look Where You're Going
In this episode, Libby talks about keeping your attention and energy toward what's really important. ------------------------------------- SHOW LINKS Kimchi Cuddles The comic I referenced Download the Relationship Vision Worksheet ------------------------------------ EVENTS WHERE LIBBY IS PRESENTING Atlanta Poly in Atlanta, February 29, 2020 Southwest Love Fest in Tucson, April 3-5, 2020 RelateCon in Boise, April 24-26, 2020 ----------------------------------- Find Libby on the Web: https://libbysinback.com Sign up for coaching at http://talktolibby.com
22:38
March 06, 2020
When Your Meta Don't Wanna
When Your Meta Don't Wanna
In this episode Libby talks about how to navigate things when metamours don't want to be friends. -------------------------------------- EVENTS WHERE LIBBY IS PRESENTING Atlanta Poly in Atlanta, February 29, 2020 Southwest Love Fest in Tucson, April 3-5, 2020 RelateCon in Boise, April 24-26, 2020 ----------------------------------- Find Libby on the Web: https://libbysinback.com Sign up for coaching at http://talktolibby.com
52:21
March 03, 2020
No Advice, Please
No Advice, Please
Learning to hold space for people you love is an essential relationship skill. In this episode, Libby breaks down what holding space is, why it's important, and how to practice it. ------------------------------- SHOW LINKS What it Means to Hold Space for Someone by Heather Plett 11 Ways to Hold Space for Someone by Reaca Pearl -------------------------------------- EVENTS WHERE LIBBY IS PRESENTING Atlanta Poly in Atlanta, February 29, 2020 Southwest Love Fest in Tucson, April 3-5, 2020 RelateCon in Boise, April 24-26, 2020 ----------------------------------- Find Libby on the Web: https://libbysinback.com Sign up for coaching at http://talktolibby.com
22:05
February 27, 2020
The Art of Time Outs
The Art of Time Outs
Taking a time out is so important when things get heated or uncomfortable. However, there are more useful and less useful ways to take a time out. In this episode, Libby lays out how to take a time out in a way that enhances, rather than disrupts, connection. -------------------------------------- Black Poly Pride: June 4-7, 2020 in Washington, DC Terry Real's 10 Commandments of a Time Out -------------------------------------- EVENTS WHERE LIBBY IS PRESENTING Atlanta Poly in Atlanta, February 29, 2020 Southwest Love Fest in Tucson, April 3-5, 2020 RelateCon in Boise, April 24-26, 2020 ----------------------------------- Find Libby on the Web: https://libbysinback.com Sign up for coaching at http://talktolibby.com
24:39
February 20, 2020
Taming your Whoosh
Taming your Whoosh
The most essential skill to having healthier relationships. -------------------------------------- EVENTS WHERE LIBBY IS PRESENTING Atlanta Poly in Atlanta, February 29, 2020 Southwest Love Fest in Tucson, April 3-5, 2020 RelateCon in Boise, April 24-26, 2020 ----------------------------------- Find Libby on the Web: https://libbysinback.com Sign up for coaching at http://talktolibby.com
36:15
February 18, 2020
Fingers Crossed
Fingers Crossed
In this episode, Libby offers an idea on making upcoming difficult situations smoother, easier and more connecting. ----------------------------------- EVENTS WHERE LIBBY IS PRESENTING Winter Poly Wonderland in West Virginia, February 13-16, 2020 Atlanta Poly in Atlanta, February 29, 2020 Southwest Love Fest in Tucson, April 3-5, 2020 RelateCon in Boise, April 24-26, 2020 ----------------------------------- Find Libby on the Web: https://libbysinback.com Sign up for coaching at http://talktolibby.com
15:45
February 12, 2020
Couple Privilege and Power
Couple Privilege and Power
Libby answers a listener question about navigating sharing a home and sharing that home with other partners. --------------------------- SHOW LINKS Couple Privilege: having it doesn't necessarily make you an asshole (but it might) by Amy Gahran 5 Reasons Couple Privilege Doesn't Exist by Lola Phoenix 'why do couples stop having sex?' is the wrong question by Emily Nagoski Navigating Difficult Conversations ----------------------------- EVENTS WHERE LIBBY IS PRESENTING PolyLiving in Philadelphia, February 7-9, 2020 Winter Poly Wonderland in West Virginia, February 13-16, 2020 Atlanta Poly in Atlanta, February 29, 2020 Southwest Love Fest in Tucson, April 3-5, 2020 RelateCon in Boise, April 24-26, 2020 ----------------------------------- Find Libby on the Web: https://libbysinback.com Sign up for coaching at http://talktolibby.com
34:05
February 06, 2020
Attachment Styles and You
Attachment Styles and You
Libby explains the theory of attachment styles and what they might mean for your relationships.  (All of this stuff is Googleable, y'all, if you want to know more. ) ------------------------------------------------ Find Libby on the Web: https://libbysinback.com Apply for your free intro session at http://talktolibby.com
23:59
January 28, 2020
How Could You Think That of Me?
How Could You Think That of Me?
Libby talks about what to do when we don't feel seen by the people we love. ------------------------ SHOW LINKS Feeling Understood — Even More Important Than Feeling Loved? https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/blog/evolution-the-self/201706/feeling-understood-even-more-important-feeling-loved Neural Bases of Being Understood and not Understood: https://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pmc/articles/PMC4249470/ On Feeling Understood and Feeling Well: https://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pmc/articles/PMC2652476/ Loneliness: a disease? https://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pmc/articles/PMC3890922/ Brené Brown and True Belonging: https://ideas.ted.com/finding-our-way-to-true-belonging/ ------------------------ Find Libby on the Web: https://libbysinback.com Apply for your free intro session at http://talktolibby.com
29:31
January 21, 2020
Disclosure Afterthoughts
Disclosure Afterthoughts
Libby answers her first listener question on the show, where a listener asks, does it always make sense to disclose potential dealbreakers before the first date?  ------------------------------- SHOW LINKS Page Turner on Ambiamory: https://www.kinkly.com/youve-heard-of-polyamory-but-what-about-ambiamory/2/17832 Dating with HIV: https://www.redbookmag.com/love-sex/relationships/a48131/dating-with-hiv/ I'm a Sex Worker and Dating is Awkward: https://www.huffpost.com/entry/im-a-sex-worker-and-dating-is-awkward_b_6770650 So You're Dating a Sex Worker: https://rewire.news/article/2017/11/27/youre-dating-sex-worker-heres-not/ What It's Like to Date Online as a Trans Person: https://www.huffpost.com/entry/what-its-really-like-to-online-date-as-a-trans-person_n_5b848aace4b0cf7b002e467b -------------------------------- Find Libby on the Web: https://libbysinback.com Sign up for coaching at http://talktolibby.com
16:10
January 16, 2020
When Should I Tell People?
When Should I Tell People?
Libby talks about when you should tell potential partners that you're polyamorous or nonmonogamous. ------------------------------------------------- EVENTS WHERE LIBBY IS PRESENTING PolyLiving in Philadelphia, February 7-9, 2020 Winter Poly Wonderland in West Virginia, February 13-16, 2020 Atlanta Poly in Atlanta, February 29, 2020 Southwest Love Fest in Tucson, April 3-5, 2020 RelateCon in Boise, April 24-26, 2020 ----------------------------------- Find Libby on the Web: https://libbysinback.com Sign up for coaching at http://talktolibby.com
22:51
January 14, 2020
Ghosting
Ghosting
In this episode, Libby talks about ghosting, what it is, why it sucks, when it's justified, and how to cope. Libby also offers a kinder alternative to ghosting. --------------------------------- SHOW LINKS Comic on Ghosting by Hell is Other Women: https://www.facebook.com/hellisotherwomen/posts/557199481702112 ---------------------------------- EVENTS WHERE LIBBY IS PRESENTING PolyLiving in Philadelphia, February 7-9, 2020 Winter Poly Wonderland in West Virginia, February 13-16, 2020 Atlanta Poly in Atlanta, February 29, 2020 Southwest Love Fest in Tucson, April 3-5, 2020 RelateCon in Boise, April 24-26, 2020 ----------------------------------- Find Libby on the Web: https://libbysinback.com Sign up for coaching at http://talktolibby.com
37:29
January 07, 2020
The Practice of Gentleness
The Practice of Gentleness
Using a real, raw story from her own life, Libby talks about the day-to-day, minute-to-minute practice of gentleness in relationships. ----------------------------- Show Links Harvey: https://www.imdb.com/title/tt0042546/ My favorite article about Fred Rogers: https://www.nytimes.com/2019/11/19/magazine/mr-rogers.html ----------------------------- Find Libby on the Web: https://libbysinback.com Sign up for coaching at http://talktolibby.com
22:53
December 31, 2019
The Two Magic Relationship Ratios
The Two Magic Relationship Ratios
Libby talks about the two magic relationship ratios uncovered by scientific research conducted by the Gottman Institute and some implications for polyamorous relationships. -------------------------------- The Magic Conflict Ratio: https://www.gottman.com/blog/the-magic-relationship-ratio-according-science/ About the 20:1 Ratio: https://psyedges.wordpress.com/2014/06/22/51-2/ -------------------------------- Find Libby on the Web: https://libbysinback.com Sign up for coaching at http://talktolibby.com
15:05
December 26, 2019
More Compassion, More Love
More Compassion, More Love
Holiday bullsh*t getting you down? Libby makes the case for how a little self-compassion can go a long way. ------------------------------- Show Links Mapping Your Love Workshop in DC: https://www.eventbrite.com/e/mapping-your-love-tickets-77746210007 Winter Poly Wonderland: https://cfnc.us/winterpoly/ Poly Living: https://www.lovingmorenonprofit.org/conferences/polyliving/philadelphia/ The Gottman Institute on Contempt: https://www.gottman.com/blog/this-one-thing-is-the-biggest-predictor-of-divorce/ The Harvard Business Review on Self-Compassion: https://hbr.org/2018/09/give-yourself-a-break-the-power-of-self-compassion About the Carleton University Study on Self-Compassion and Procrastination: https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/blog/dont-delay/200903/self-forgiveness-reduces-procrastination Kristin Neff's Website on Self-Compassion: https://self-compassion.org/ ---------------------------- Find Libby on the Web: https://libbysinback.com Sign up for coaching at http://talktolibby.com
17:39
December 24, 2019
Beyond the 5 Love Languages
Beyond the 5 Love Languages
In this episode, Libby talks about love languages and how understanding your love language and the love languages of those that you love can transform your relationships for the better and help everyone love and appreciate each other more fully. ---------------------------- Mapping Your Love Workshop in DC: https://www.eventbrite.com/e/mapping-your-love-tickets-77746210007 Winter Poly Wonderland: https://cfnc.us/winterpoly/ Poly Living: https://www.lovingmorenonprofit.org/conferences/polyliving/philadelphia/ Love Languages Graphic: https://theladiescoach.com/wp-content/uploads/2016/05/How-to-speak-your-partners-Love-Language.png Love Languages Quiz: https://www.5lovelanguages.com/quizzes/ ---------------------------- Find Libby on the Web: https://libbysinback.com Sign up for coaching at http://talktolibby.com
27:40
December 19, 2019
Compersion Isn't Mandatory
Compersion Isn't Mandatory
In this episode, Libby talks about compersion, what it is, where it comes from, and makes the case that we don't have to feel it to be good polyamorous people, and what to do when we don't. ---------------------- Mapping Your Love Workshop in DC: https://www.eventbrite.com/e/mapping-your-love-tickets-77746210007 Winter Poly Wonderland: https://cfnc.us/winterpoly/ Poly Living: https://www.lovingmorenonprofit.org/conferences/polyliving/philadelphia/ More about the Karista Commune: https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Kerista Mudita: https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Mudita Probably Poly Episode on Jealousy: https://soundcloud.com/probably-poly/jealousy-live-at-apw --------------------- Libby's new website: https://libbysinback.com Sign up for coaching at http://talktolibby.com
29:34
December 17, 2019
8 Sentences for Better Understanding
8 Sentences for Better Understanding
Sometimes you just need to complain and get something off your chest. Here's a tip on how to do that in a way that might be easier for others to hear and help make things better. -------------------------------------- Show Links Feedback Wheel Handout: https://docs.google.com/document/d/1W0rbu1nWTYOdQNl4gvdgPWTuLBWKCjcOol_8AUoTZi0/edit "The Story I'm Making Up": https://www.businessinsider.com/brene-browns-biggest-life-hack-is-a-simple-phrase-2015-8 Schedule a Free Coaching Session: http://talktolibby.com/
13:12
December 12, 2019
Stand Up and Rock the Boat
Stand Up and Rock the Boat
Let's talk about why it's so important to be willing to put things on the line in your relationships, to stand up for what you want, and confront issues - before they get too big to deal with. -------------------------- Show Links: Brené Brown's TED Talk on Vulnerability: https://www.ted.com/talks/brene_brown_the_power_of_vulnerability Daring Greatly: https://www.amazon.com/gp/product/1592408419 Domestic Violence Hotline and Website: https://www.thehotline.org/help/ Solvable vs. Perpetual Problems: https://www.gottman.com/blog/managing-conflict-solvable-vs-perpetual-problems/ ------------------------- If you'd like to ask a question for the show, feel free to e-mail at libby@libbysinback.com or leave a voicemail at the link below. To book a free introductory coaching session, visit http://www.talktolibby.com
32:03
December 10, 2019
The Other Half of Good Communication
The Other Half of Good Communication
Learning how to listen better is so important to being a great partner, friend, parent, child, coworker, etc. In this episode, Libby offers some advanced tips on how to be an awesome listener. Show notes: How Curiosity Makes You a Better Partner: https://greatergood.berkeley.edu/article/item/why_curious_people_have_better_relationships ------------------------------------ To contact Libby, email her at libby@libbysinback.com or find her on Facebook at https://facebook.com/libbysinback. If you'd like to set up a free coaching call, visit http://www.talktolibby.com
16:31
December 05, 2019
Trying Something New
Trying Something New
When you're trying to make a change, do something different, learn a new skill, what can help set you up for success? My answer? The right mindset can help a lot. Malcolm Gladwell's book Outliers: https://www.goodreads.com/book/show/3228917-outliers On Deliberate Practice: https://lifehacker.com/what-mozart-and-kobe-bryant-can-teach-us-about-delibera-1442488267 To sign up for a free coaching session in December: https://calendly.com/libbysinback/one-conversation
16:15
December 03, 2019
How to Not Take Responsibility for Other People's Emotions
How to Not Take Responsibility for Other People's Emotions
In this episode, Libby shares concrete steps for creating a healthy emotional boundary between you and your partner, so that you don't react to, take on, or take responsibility for your partner's difficult feelings.
15:01
November 28, 2019
The Other Skipped Step in Opening Up
The Other Skipped Step in Opening Up
Why is it that some monogamous couples who open upend up blowing up their existing relationship while others don’t? Libby offers one idea that you might not have heard.  Show links: The Most Skipped Step when Opening Up a Relationship [https://medium.com/@PolyamorySchool/the-most-skipped-step-when-opening-a-relationship-f1f67abbbd49] John Bowlby and Attachment Theory [https://www.simplypsychology.org/attachment.html] The Gottman Institute on "Turning Towards" [https://www.gottman.com/blog/want-to-improve-your-relationship-start-paying-more-attention-to-bids/] The Science of Conflict Resolution [https://www.gottman.com/blog/repair-secret-weapon-emotionally-connected-couples/] To schedule a free introductory coaching session with me to talk about this and more, click here: [https://calendly.com/libbysinback/one-conversation]
34:31
November 26, 2019
Sh*tty First Drafts
Sh*tty First Drafts
Do you know about sh*tty first drafts? It can be a helpful concept in your relationships.
07:41
November 22, 2019
Welcome to Making Polyamory Work
Welcome to Making Polyamory Work
I’m Libby Sinback, a relationship coach and educator. I’m excited to tell you about my new podcast, starting on November 26th. It’s called Making Polyamory Work. Here we’ll get real about how polyamorous relationships actually work. You’ll get support that is inclusive, that affirms and celebrates all relationships and lifestyles, making special space for working to create functional, healthy, stable, and deeply loving polyamorous relationships.  This isn’t an interview show, so you won’t see me bringing in big thought leaders every week. It’s just me and you, for about 15-30 minutes, no chit-chat, no bs, and most of the time, no script, because life is messy and imperfect and so am I. What I will bring you in each is episode a valuable idea or a practice that will help you make your polyamorous relationships amazing - relationships that nourish you and help you heal, grow, flourish, and love. The rest… is up to you.
01:41
November 13, 2019