Making Polyamory Work

Making Polyamory Work

By Libby Sinback
Grounded in reality and untamed honesty, Libby Sinback tackles the hard questions about how to create and maintain authentic, loving and healthy nonmonogamous relationships.
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Giving Kickass Feedback (and When Not To)
Libby discusses feedback in greater depth: what it is, what it isn't, and how to do it exceptionally well. ---------------------------------- SHOW LINKS The Feedback Fallacy (from the Harvard Business Review) The Engaged Feedback Checklist (pdf download) The Feedback Wheel (infographic) ---------------------------------- Find Libby on the Web: https://libbysinback.com Sign up for an intro coaching session at http://talktolibby.com
37:05
July 14, 2020
In a Crisis, Find Your Ring
Libby explains Ring Theory and how it can help people know what to say and to whom in a moment of crisis. Content note: this episode will talk about the outcry against police violence toward Black people and how Ring Theory can help white people respond and support the movement for Black lives. ---------------------- SHOW NOTES How Not to Say the Wrong Thing by Susan Silk and Barry Goldman Stacey Patton on White Women's Tears and Social Media Didi Delgado's Podcast and Facebook and Patreon Kate Anthony: 5 Racist Anti-Racism Responses “Good” White Women Give to Viral Posts Confronting racism is not about the needs and feelings of white people by Ijeoma Oluo How to be a good white ally, according to activists Scaffolded Anti-Racist Resources ----------------------- WHERE TO SEND YOUR RESOURCES Invest in your local community - patronize Black-owned businesses.  Support local organizations creating alternatives to policing. Here's are some places to start: Donate to your local Black Lives Matter Chapter Donate to your Local Bail Fund Donate to the National Bail Out (if they're still taking donations) Black Visions Collective
19:54
June 12, 2020
Repair and Repair Again
In this episode, Libby talks about repair, how essential it is to having secure relationships, and outlines the steps for how to make a good repair. *From Libby: to my listeners who have been following this podcast for awhile, this is to replace the episode "If You Break if, Fix It" - which was pulled, because it didn't say what I wanted it to say. I'm much much happier with this version, which is VERY different.  -------------------------------- SHOW LINKS Ed Tronick's Work on Repair Study of Parents and Preschoolers and Repair Gottman Insitute: Repair is the Secret Weapon of Emotionally Connected Couples ---------------------------------- Find Libby on the Web: https://libbysinback.com Sign up for an intro coaching session at http://talktolibby.com
35:41
May 19, 2020
Slow Down to Break Up
Libby shares her most important advice for people who are breaking up or on the brink (and even if you're not) -- slow down. --------------------------- SHOW LINKS Breaking up on Valentine's Day Normalizing Non-monogamy interview on Relationship Transitions Download the Peaceful Relationship Transitions Playbook Find Libby on the Web: https://libbysinback.com Sign up for an intro coaching session at http://talktolibby.com
22:55
May 5, 2020
Have Better Sex With This One Weird Trick
Libby gives some sex advice for your long-term relationships. It's good. Just listen. ---------------------- SHOW LINKS Watch the Movie: Friend with Benefits 7 Ways To Make Practicing Affirmative Consent Sexy 27 Alternatives to Asking "Is This Okay?" -------------------------- Find Libby on the Web: https://libbysinback.com Sign up for coaching at http://talktolibby.com
39:19
April 24, 2020
When Life is Turned Upside Down
In this episode, Libby talks about disruption and offers a 5 step process to move through it more easily. -------------------------- MORE READING 3 Vital Skills for the Age of Disruption How to Find Meaning in Suffering -------------------------- Find Libby on the Web: https://libbysinback.com Sign up for coaching at http://talktolibby.com
33:37
April 15, 2020
Taking My Own Medicine
A quick update on why Libby took down last week's episode on repair, and what she'll be doing instead.
06:49
April 6, 2020
The Autonomy Problem
In this episode, Libby gets real about what COVID-19 means for polyamorous people, but how it's also teaching all of us an essential lesson about our relationships - which is that autonomy is an illusion. We need that lesson right now. But we also always did. -------------------- Sign up for the Relationship Survival Skills class: https://libbysinback.com/survival-skills/ Find Libby on the Web: https://libbysinback.com Sign up for coaching at http://talktolibby.com
38:00
March 24, 2020
Polyamorous in a Pandemic Part 1: Remember Love
Things look pretty different in the world today than they did two weeks ago. Libby has a message for everyone as we face down new and challenging circumstances. ----------------------------------- Find Libby on the Web: https://libbysinback.com Sign up for coaching at http://talktolibby.com
29:21
March 17, 2020
Look Where You're Going
In this episode, Libby talks about keeping your attention and energy toward what's really important. ------------------------------------- SHOW LINKS Kimchi Cuddles The comic I referenced Download the Relationship Vision Worksheet ------------------------------------ EVENTS WHERE LIBBY IS PRESENTING Atlanta Poly in Atlanta, February 29, 2020 Southwest Love Fest in Tucson, April 3-5, 2020 RelateCon in Boise, April 24-26, 2020 ----------------------------------- Find Libby on the Web: https://libbysinback.com Sign up for coaching at http://talktolibby.com
22:37
March 6, 2020
When Your Meta Don't Wanna
In this episode Libby talks about how to navigate things when metamours don't want to be friends. -------------------------------------- EVENTS WHERE LIBBY IS PRESENTING Atlanta Poly in Atlanta, February 29, 2020 Southwest Love Fest in Tucson, April 3-5, 2020 RelateCon in Boise, April 24-26, 2020 ----------------------------------- Find Libby on the Web: https://libbysinback.com Sign up for coaching at http://talktolibby.com
52:20
March 3, 2020
No Advice, Please
Learning to hold space for people you love is an essential relationship skill. In this episode, Libby breaks down what holding space is, why it's important, and how to practice it. ------------------------------- SHOW LINKS What it Means to Hold Space for Someone by Heather Plett 11 Ways to Hold Space for Someone by Reaca Pearl -------------------------------------- EVENTS WHERE LIBBY IS PRESENTING Atlanta Poly in Atlanta, February 29, 2020 Southwest Love Fest in Tucson, April 3-5, 2020 RelateCon in Boise, April 24-26, 2020 ----------------------------------- Find Libby on the Web: https://libbysinback.com Sign up for coaching at http://talktolibby.com
22:05
February 27, 2020
The Art of Time Outs
Taking a time out is so important when things get heated or uncomfortable. However, there are more useful and less useful ways to take a time out. In this episode, Libby lays out how to take a time out in a way that enhances, rather than disrupts, connection. -------------------------------------- Black Poly Pride: June 4-7, 2020 in Washington, DC Terry Real's 10 Commandments of a Time Out -------------------------------------- EVENTS WHERE LIBBY IS PRESENTING Atlanta Poly in Atlanta, February 29, 2020 Southwest Love Fest in Tucson, April 3-5, 2020 RelateCon in Boise, April 24-26, 2020 ----------------------------------- Find Libby on the Web: https://libbysinback.com Sign up for coaching at http://talktolibby.com
24:39
February 20, 2020
Taming your Whoosh
The most essential skill to having healthier relationships. -------------------------------------- EVENTS WHERE LIBBY IS PRESENTING Atlanta Poly in Atlanta, February 29, 2020 Southwest Love Fest in Tucson, April 3-5, 2020 RelateCon in Boise, April 24-26, 2020 ----------------------------------- Find Libby on the Web: https://libbysinback.com Sign up for coaching at http://talktolibby.com
36:15
February 18, 2020
Fingers Crossed
In this episode, Libby offers an idea on making upcoming difficult situations smoother, easier and more connecting. ----------------------------------- EVENTS WHERE LIBBY IS PRESENTING Winter Poly Wonderland in West Virginia, February 13-16, 2020 Atlanta Poly in Atlanta, February 29, 2020 Southwest Love Fest in Tucson, April 3-5, 2020 RelateCon in Boise, April 24-26, 2020 ----------------------------------- Find Libby on the Web: https://libbysinback.com Sign up for coaching at http://talktolibby.com
15:44
February 12, 2020
Couple Privilege and Power
Libby answers a listener question about navigating sharing a home and sharing that home with other partners. --------------------------- SHOW LINKS Couple Privilege: having it doesn't necessarily make you an asshole (but it might) by Amy Gahran 5 Reasons Couple Privilege Doesn't Exist by Lola Phoenix 'why do couples stop having sex?' is the wrong question by Emily Nagoski Navigating Difficult Conversations ----------------------------- EVENTS WHERE LIBBY IS PRESENTING PolyLiving in Philadelphia, February 7-9, 2020 Winter Poly Wonderland in West Virginia, February 13-16, 2020 Atlanta Poly in Atlanta, February 29, 2020 Southwest Love Fest in Tucson, April 3-5, 2020 RelateCon in Boise, April 24-26, 2020 ----------------------------------- Find Libby on the Web: https://libbysinback.com Sign up for coaching at http://talktolibby.com
32:59
February 6, 2020
Attachment Styles and You
Libby explains the theory of attachment styles and what they might mean for your relationships.  (All of this stuff is Googleable, y'all, if you want to know more. ) ------------------------------------------------ Find Libby on the Web: https://libbysinback.com Apply for your free intro session at http://talktolibby.com
23:59
January 28, 2020
How Could You Think That of Me?
Libby talks about what to do when we don't feel seen by the people we love. ------------------------ SHOW LINKS Feeling Understood — Even More Important Than Feeling Loved? https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/blog/evolution-the-self/201706/feeling-understood-even-more-important-feeling-loved Neural Bases of Being Understood and not Understood: https://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pmc/articles/PMC4249470/ On Feeling Understood and Feeling Well: https://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pmc/articles/PMC2652476/ Loneliness: a disease? https://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pmc/articles/PMC3890922/ Brené Brown and True Belonging: https://ideas.ted.com/finding-our-way-to-true-belonging/ ------------------------ Find Libby on the Web: https://libbysinback.com Apply for your free intro session at http://talktolibby.com
29:31
January 21, 2020
Disclosure Afterthoughts
Libby answers her first listener question on the show, where a listener asks, does it always make sense to disclose potential dealbreakers before the first date?  ------------------------------- SHOW LINKS Page Turner on Ambiamory: https://www.kinkly.com/youve-heard-of-polyamory-but-what-about-ambiamory/2/17832 Dating with HIV: https://www.redbookmag.com/love-sex/relationships/a48131/dating-with-hiv/ I'm a Sex Worker and Dating is Awkward: https://www.huffpost.com/entry/im-a-sex-worker-and-dating-is-awkward_b_6770650 So You're Dating a Sex Worker: https://rewire.news/article/2017/11/27/youre-dating-sex-worker-heres-not/ What It's Like to Date Online as a Trans Person: https://www.huffpost.com/entry/what-its-really-like-to-online-date-as-a-trans-person_n_5b848aace4b0cf7b002e467b -------------------------------- Find Libby on the Web: https://libbysinback.com Sign up for coaching at http://talktolibby.com
16:09
January 16, 2020
Full Disclosure
Libby talks about when you should tell potential partners that you're polyamorous or nonmonogamous. ------------------------------------------------- EVENTS WHERE LIBBY IS PRESENTING PolyLiving in Philadelphia, February 7-9, 2020 Winter Poly Wonderland in West Virginia, February 13-16, 2020 Atlanta Poly in Atlanta, February 29, 2020 Southwest Love Fest in Tucson, April 3-5, 2020 RelateCon in Boise, April 24-26, 2020 ----------------------------------- Find Libby on the Web: https://libbysinback.com Sign up for coaching at http://talktolibby.com
22:50
January 14, 2020
Ghosting
In this episode, Libby talks about ghosting, what it is, why it sucks, when it's justified, and how to cope. Libby also offers a kinder alternative to ghosting. --------------------------------- SHOW LINKS Comic on Ghosting by Hell is Other Women: https://www.facebook.com/hellisotherwomen/posts/557199481702112 ---------------------------------- EVENTS WHERE LIBBY IS PRESENTING PolyLiving in Philadelphia, February 7-9, 2020 Winter Poly Wonderland in West Virginia, February 13-16, 2020 Atlanta Poly in Atlanta, February 29, 2020 Southwest Love Fest in Tucson, April 3-5, 2020 RelateCon in Boise, April 24-26, 2020 ----------------------------------- Find Libby on the Web: https://libbysinback.com Sign up for coaching at http://talktolibby.com
37:29
January 7, 2020
The Practice of Gentleness
Using a real, raw story from her own life, Libby talks about the day-to-day, minute-to-minute practice of gentleness in relationships. ----------------------------- Show Links Harvey: https://www.imdb.com/title/tt0042546/ My favorite article about Fred Rogers: https://www.nytimes.com/2019/11/19/magazine/mr-rogers.html ----------------------------- Find Libby on the Web: https://libbysinback.com Sign up for coaching at http://talktolibby.com
22:52
December 31, 2019
The Two Magic Relationship Ratios
Libby talks about the two magic relationship ratios uncovered by scientific research conducted by the Gottman Institute and some implications for polyamorous relationships. -------------------------------- The Magic Conflict Ratio: https://www.gottman.com/blog/the-magic-relationship-ratio-according-science/ About the 20:1 Ratio: https://psyedges.wordpress.com/2014/06/22/51-2/ -------------------------------- Find Libby on the Web: https://libbysinback.com Sign up for coaching at http://talktolibby.com
15:04
December 26, 2019
More Compassion, More Love
Holiday bullsh*t getting you down? Libby makes the case for how a little self-compassion can go a long way. ------------------------------- Show Links Mapping Your Love Workshop in DC: https://www.eventbrite.com/e/mapping-your-love-tickets-77746210007 Winter Poly Wonderland: https://cfnc.us/winterpoly/ Poly Living: https://www.lovingmorenonprofit.org/conferences/polyliving/philadelphia/ The Gottman Institute on Contempt: https://www.gottman.com/blog/this-one-thing-is-the-biggest-predictor-of-divorce/ The Harvard Business Review on Self-Compassion: https://hbr.org/2018/09/give-yourself-a-break-the-power-of-self-compassion About the Carleton University Study on Self-Compassion and Procrastination: https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/blog/dont-delay/200903/self-forgiveness-reduces-procrastination Kristin Neff's Website on Self-Compassion: https://self-compassion.org/ ---------------------------- Find Libby on the Web: https://libbysinback.com Sign up for coaching at http://talktolibby.com
17:39
December 24, 2019
Beyond the 5 Love Languages
In this episode, Libby talks about love languages and how understanding your love language and the love languages of those that you love can transform your relationships for the better and help everyone love and appreciate each other more fully. ---------------------------- Mapping Your Love Workshop in DC: https://www.eventbrite.com/e/mapping-your-love-tickets-77746210007 Winter Poly Wonderland: https://cfnc.us/winterpoly/ Poly Living: https://www.lovingmorenonprofit.org/conferences/polyliving/philadelphia/ Love Languages Graphic: https://i.pinimg.com/originals/89/ea/a1/89eaa1138883d57f575ff9c0246c448f.jpg Love Languages Quiz: https://www.5lovelanguages.com/quizzes/ ---------------------------- Find Libby on the Web: https://libbysinback.com Sign up for coaching at http://talktolibby.com
27:34
December 19, 2019
Compersion Isn't Mandatory
In this episode, Libby talks about compersion, what it is, where it comes from, and makes the case that we don't have to feel it to be good polyamorous people, and what to do when we don't. ---------------------- Mapping Your Love Workshop in DC: https://www.eventbrite.com/e/mapping-your-love-tickets-77746210007 Winter Poly Wonderland: https://cfnc.us/winterpoly/ Poly Living: https://www.lovingmorenonprofit.org/conferences/polyliving/philadelphia/ More about the Karista Commune: https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Kerista Mudita: https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Mudita Probably Poly Episode on Jealousy: https://soundcloud.com/probably-poly/jealousy-live-at-apw --------------------- Libby's new website: https://libbysinback.com Sign up for coaching at http://talktolibby.com
29:24
December 17, 2019
8 Sentences for Better Understanding
Sometimes you just need to complain and get something off your chest. Here's a tip on how to do that in a way that might be easier for others to hear and help make things better. -------------------------------------- Show Links Feedback Wheel Handout: https://docs.google.com/document/d/1W0rbu1nWTYOdQNl4gvdgPWTuLBWKCjcOol_8AUoTZi0/edit "The Story I'm Making Up": https://www.businessinsider.com/brene-browns-biggest-life-hack-is-a-simple-phrase-2015-8 Schedule a Free Coaching Session: http://talktolibby.com/
13:12
December 12, 2019
Stand Up and Rock the Boat
Let's talk about why it's so important to be willing to put things on the line in your relationships, to stand up for what you want, and confront issues - before they get too big to deal with. -------------------------- Show Links: Brené Brown's TED Talk on Vulnerability: https://www.ted.com/talks/brene_brown_the_power_of_vulnerability Daring Greatly: https://www.amazon.com/gp/product/1592408419 Domestic Violence Hotline and Website: https://www.thehotline.org/help/ Solvable vs. Perpetual Problems: https://www.gottman.com/blog/managing-conflict-solvable-vs-perpetual-problems/ ------------------------- If you'd like to ask a question for the show, feel free to e-mail at libby@libbysinback.com or leave a voicemail at the link below. To book a free introductory coaching session, visit http://www.talktolibby.com
30:12
December 10, 2019
Listen Up
Learning how to listen better is so important to being a great partner, friend, parent, child, coworker, etc. In this episode, Libby offers some advanced tips on how to be an awesome listener. Show notes: How Curiosity Makes You a Better Partner: https://greatergood.berkeley.edu/article/item/why_curious_people_have_better_relationships ------------------------------------ To contact Libby, email her at libby@libbysinback.com or find her on Facebook at https://facebook.com/libbysinback. If you'd like to set up a free coaching call, visit http://www.talktolibby.com
15:18
December 5, 2019
Trying Something New
When you're trying to make a change, do something different, learn a new skill, what can help set you up for success? My answer? The right mindset can help a lot. Malcolm Gladwell's book Outliers: https://www.goodreads.com/book/show/3228917-outliers On Deliberate Practice: https://lifehacker.com/what-mozart-and-kobe-bryant-can-teach-us-about-delibera-1442488267 To sign up for a free coaching session in December: https://calendly.com/libbysinback/one-conversation
16:14
December 3, 2019
How to Not Take Responsibility for Other People's Emotions
In this episode, Libby shares concrete steps for creating a healthy emotional boundary between you and your partner, so that you don't react to, take on, or take responsibility for your partner's difficult feelings.
15:00
November 28, 2019
The Other Skipped Step in Opening Up
Why is it that some monogamous couples who open upend up blowing up their existing relationship while others don’t? Libby offers one idea that you might not have heard.  Show links: The Most Skipped Step when Opening Up a Relationship [https://medium.com/@PolyamorySchool/the-most-skipped-step-when-opening-a-relationship-f1f67abbbd49] John Bowlby and Attachment Theory [https://www.simplypsychology.org/attachment.html] The Gottman Institute on "Turning Towards" [https://www.gottman.com/blog/want-to-improve-your-relationship-start-paying-more-attention-to-bids/] The Science of Conflict Resolution [https://www.gottman.com/blog/repair-secret-weapon-emotionally-connected-couples/] To schedule a free introductory coaching session with me to talk about this and more, click here: [https://calendly.com/libbysinback/one-conversation]
32:41
November 26, 2019
Sh*tty First Drafts
Do you know about sh*tty first drafts? It can be a helpful concept in your relationships.
07:40
November 22, 2019
Welcome to Making Polyamory Work
I’m Libby Sinback, a relationship coach and educator. I’m excited to tell you about my new podcast, starting on November 26th. It’s called Making Polyamory Work. Here we’ll get real about how polyamorous relationships actually work. You’ll get support that is inclusive, that affirms and celebrates all relationships and lifestyles, making special space for working to create functional, healthy, stable, and deeply loving polyamorous relationships.  This isn’t an interview show, so you won’t see me bringing in big thought leaders every week. It’s just me and you, for about 15-30 minutes, no chit-chat, no bs, and most of the time, no script, because life is messy and imperfect and so am I. What I will bring you in each is episode a valuable idea or a practice that will help you make your polyamorous relationships amazing - relationships that nourish you and help you heal, grow, flourish, and love. The rest… is up to you.
01:40
November 13, 2019