Therapists Talking Therapy

I’ve been asked to talk about how to begin psychotherapy.  

How to prepare for that first session.

So here are my seven tips to starting psychotherapy.

Well, first of all congratulations on wanting to start psychotherapy.  

It’s a big step and yet many people never make it to talk with a therapist and so continue to live with what’s familiar however uncomfortable that might be.

It’s important to say that just as clients are individuals so are therapists and each will have their own way of starting therapy with you.  I’m resisting the urge to give in to today’s selling culture by saying these are the 

The 7 must haves or

The 7 steps or

The 7 rules 

However, after 25 years of working as a psychotherapist here are my tips about how you can prepare for that first session.

You may have them in a different order or you may have others, but here’s a summary with some personal statements that may also be of help:

Want – I’m as clear as I can be.

Cost – I believe therapy is worth it.

Time – I’m willing to commit

Honesty – I’ll tell my truth

Safety – I’m going to be held through this process

Changes – I’m willing to behave/think in new and different ways

Resource – I’ll make the most of my time with the therapist

I wish you the best of health.

Martin Weaver

Written by Robert Burns in 1788 Auld Lang Syne has been used by many as a way to remind people to remember.  It translates as: “old long since” and in English that means something like to “times gone by.”

At this time of year when the decorations, the cards and the tree  get put away, I can now understand that the song is a means of connecting us with the positive and happy people and times in the past.

I wish you, your family and friends the best Happy New Year...

Martin Weaver

In this podcast we explore how we develop our roles as we engage with those around us.  We explore how our past can influence how we present ourselves and those around us, how do we know ourselves?  We think about the differences between behaviours and identities.  In this way is there anything that isn't 'relational' - everything is in relation to everything else?  How do we choose between directing a conversation and being 'non-directive'?   We explore how couples, families, groups and tribes develop ways of relating - thinking and feeling - together that is both helpful and unhelpful.

Roles and expectations are explored and the concept of the usefulness of 'truthfulness' and authenticity within a relationship.  We talk about the effect of language and how this can distort the real meaning of what we intend to say.  What happens when a relationship comes to an end and how does a new relationship, with the same person or someone else, develop differently into the future.

Finally we think about our own dependency and how usefully, or not, this plays out.  How does this express itself in the changing process of psychotherapy?   We talk about structure and a space that is agreed with honesty and humour.

This podcast was recorded on November 20th 2020.  

It was this day that Prime Minster Johnson supported his Home Secretary against accusations that she bullied her staff.  This generated thoughts and ideas for us about; the Ministerial Code and its implementation, how do we define bullying, when have we been bullied and even perhaps how we might have bullied others.

We explore how our clients experience bullying and what our role is as therapists given the unique space and time that we have in the therapeutic relationship to explore the context, pressures and roles that we all play at different times.

In this podcast we cast ourselves onto the high seas of debate about how our profession is regulated and how people, patients and clients, make sense of what it is that we actually do.  We skirt around which style of therapy might be better than another and discuss more about meaning of  the words that we use and the interventions that we might choose.

We hope to bring some clarity and pose some questions and wonder if it matters what terms we actually use when it's what happens in the therapeutic relationship that really makes the difference. 

In this podcast we look at bringing the topic of loneliness into therapy.  We talk about the effect of sharing and revealing issues and how secrets might hold a key to the experience of loneliness.  We talk about the fear of something 'sinister' that might lurk in the background of ur loneliness and how having the conversation we believed we couldn't have releases this fear and maybe even allows something else to emerge. 

We talk about the experience of grief and loss and the different kinds of loneliness these can create.  We discuss the staying with the sensations of discomfort without negative judgment and allowing change to happen in a natural and personal way.  We end by talking about connecting and re-connecting and the risks that are involved.

Here is link to Nicholas' blog post: https://www.nicholas-rose.co.uk/counselling-psychotherapy-and-psychology-blog/feeling-lonely-this-week-is-loneliness-awareness-week-2020

In this podcast we explore what is meant by - 'boundaries'.  How do we identify and interpret them?  In the therapeutic context what happens  when they are challenged or violated?  

Some boundaries are outside the context of therapy and yet still influence and even control the therapeutic content and process and yet others are out of conscious awareness and only make themselves known when they are crossed.

How do we manage the obvious boundaries that dictate the practical aspects of therapeutic work, set about negotiating them as the relationship changes and choose to shift them by taking risks that might rupture a boundary all in the name of growth, learning and change?

In the final analysis how do we match our ethical practice with boundaries that hold both us and client safely and yet allow change to happen?

This is our first podcast and so we introduce ourselves and talk widely about our histories and philosophies of psychotherapy.  We both work in different ways and yet there is much that we have in common.  Over the coming episodes no doubt we'll settle down and cover specific issues and topics. 

In the meantime do join us on our journey of discovery and exploration, argument and challenge and we hope that you will find things for you to agree with, maybe disagree with and hopefully answer some of your questions along the way.

We look forward to your company.