Maximum Carbon Sinkhole

KC & JP were not going to do an episode about COVID 19 because it felt like a media grab. But then they realized Maximum Carbon Sinkhole is buried too deep into the weird that even though the rest of the world is now soaking in it, they haven't reached MCSH depths, yet. Plus, a pandemic that is shutting down major US cities is kind of, like, a thing that might actually cause A) societal collapse and B) a drastic draw down of emissions. Plus, it's hilarious in that whole fan-hit-by-shit kind of way. Pandemics of the last 100 years all have the same cause. Where our resilience has been ahead. Where it's been behind. What's the upside of coronavirus? AFTERNOON NEWS UPDATE with Candice Baker and Peter Lapin (0:00:01) NEWS CONFERENCE with Florida Secretary of Health, Safety, Hepatitis Transmission, Gas Pump Veracity, Kava Bars, and Invasive Reptilians (0:51:19)

KC & JP sit down to talk about all the great feedback loops they've gotten but instead are too high to stay on task and end up talking about the christmas episode, climate change, chemical exposure, the christmas episode, autoimmune diseases, obesity, capitalism, environmental collapse, societal collapse, the christmas episode, art, community, gardening, the christmas episode, pet obesity, fragrance, the christmas episode, collaboration, veganism, cats, and the christmas episode. Title inspired by: Unlistenable by Steel Pole Bath Tub released in 2002 but all their albums are good. You should also listen to Milk Cult & Tumor Circus

Dedicated to all the Non-Holiday practitioners. Break tradition. Especially when Rudolf's got Lyme. And he's not going to get better... unless you listen to this show. Featuring: Bray Wright, Daphny H. Adams, JB, Toronto Scott, Dasklein (Baby Boomer Fighter at Large), KML, Dick Blister — and of course, JP & KC. MAXIMUM CARBON SINKHOLE'S MINIMUM CARBON CHRISTMAS Royalty Free Music Credits (many thanks! full credits at https://maximumcarbonsinkhole.com/minimum-carbon-christmas-special-break-tradition-kill-christmas ): "Christmas Hip Hop" (by Soul Prod) "Christmas Trap" (by Loud Paq) "Old School Hip Hop Beat - Jingle Bells Remix" (prod. Beatowski) "Dark Christmas Soundtrack - Santa's Tricks" (by Myuu) "Jingle Bells (Dark Piano Version" (by Myuu) "Jingle Bells Dark Remix" (by Chris Hayes) "Carol of the Bells" (by Myuu) "Santa Is Coming To Town" (by Nicolai Heidlas)

Come soak in the weird with KC & JP as they set out to give newer listeners a fully baked thesis. Of what? That question remains unanswered. However, they dive right into our impending extinction crisis and try their best to keep from being pulled under by using the best tool in the climate-change-stress toolbox: humor. What IS CO2's contribution to things like mysterious meowing cats and cannibalistic serial killers? EPISODE SPONSORS: Sunny Day Tanning ( 00:23:13 ) Vegan McDonald's ( 00:32:57 ) BREAKING NEWS: Mass Transit Vacuum Carbon Capture and Sequestration Infrastructure Tragedy ( 00:36:20 )

Is isolation a bad thing? What if you don't identify with the humans around you? Is emancipation from the human race inevitable? Come join in on the fun while KC & JP discuss their feelings of living among the plants and animals and KC's further drift away from society. EPISODE SPONSORS: -Dick Blister's Used Mattress Emporium (00:00) -Enabler App (01:00:00)

Our man on the inside shares his view from the fall 2019 Extinction Rebellion protests in London. Have the protestors meaningfully connected with the result of what they're asking for? After a few days on the street with XR, JA tells us what's good, bad, and weird about XR. JP & KC wonder what, if any, lessons can be applied to the US. JA makes contact with the Fairy King. JA gives the double bird to "the" Queen and her golden chariot (which KC and JP are surprised to learn is real).

So you're fifteen and just realized the planet is undergoing its sixth mass extinction and you've got two papers due, a math quiz, your parents are riding your ass for you to participate in more extra-curricular activities so you can go to your Dad's alma mater. What do you do? KC & JP try to answer that question and others posed to us and the intertubes by woke teenagers and explore how to drop out before you've dropped in. GRANOLA SHOTGUN POST REFERENCED https://granolashotgun.com/2019/05/16/24-58/ Plant of the Episode: Toothache Plant AKA: Acmella Oleracea, Paracress, Sichuan Buttons, Buzz Buttons (our favorite), Ting Flowers, and Electric Daisy SKITS: KC the Substitute Teacher ( 01:00:32 ) Teenage Market Garden ( 01:09:53 )

O-thou dearest SCIENCE, what may we do to earn your salvation?! KC was kicked out of Catholic school for asking too many questions; now 'science' keeps asking the wrong ones. A rubric for better science. KC & JP have lost their faith. Plant of the Episode: - Red Malabar Spinach (Basella Alba) EPISODE SPONSORS: - Dick Blister's Used Mattress Emporium (01:11:17) - Glyphosate for Breakfast (01:01:39) SPECIAL SHORT: - Beavis and Butthead Do Gardening (27:40) SAMPLES: - Leonardo DiCaprio from "Ice on Fire" - Daphne Zuniga, Bill Pullman, & John Candy "Spaceballs"

KC & JP discuss how to navigate our current dystopia. Did you know you were living in your favorite dystopian trilogy? Our current world has all the ingredients: human misery, squalor, oppression, disease, poisonous food, noxious air, contaminated water, and of course, too many fucking people. It's easy to get distracted by collapse rabbit holes, but dropping out doesn't mean prepping for the (corporate) zombie apocalypse. It's more about living meaningfully, right now. Resilience is a bonus. But that's easy to forget. News Broadcast: Alex Hothouse of hothouseprisonwars.org 0:53:06 Behind the Scenes: KC & JP get a boat 01:12:30 Plant of the day/week/month: Longevity Spinach

So you want a wartime effort? Ready for sacrifice? KC & JP walk through what a wartime effort would really look like. Food rationing. Healthcare rationing. Tire rationing. ELECTRICITY rationing. Unlike the New York Times, there is no fucking around in the sinkhole. Plant of the day (week): Pink thing also known as Spider Flower Wartime Effort Slogan Focus Group 0:43:30 Amazon Prime Final Shipment 0:52:25

KC & JP visit their bioregion's annual pink moon celebration to get some tips on how to survive this clusterfuck.

Mission: go put your hands in the dirt and grow some shit. Gardening is the most impactful direct action you can take. Feeling despair? Broke? Sick? Tired of signing petitions and marching and taking place in sanctioned protests? Stick your boot in the ground and drop in some seeds. Eat the food around you. Drop out. For reals. INTRO: Paul Harvey 2035: So God Made a Fuck You Gardener (0:00) GARDENING OLYMPICS BROADCAST (1:07:17) JA from the UK also dropping some knowledge (44:20 & 1:24:12)

KC & JP talk with Karen and Jordan of Chickenfoot Ranch about their experience dropping out of dominant culture... as much as the law allows. Enlightening discussion about rewilding, the death machine we're all riding, becoming 'bilingual,' the merits of sleeping outside, and the limits of protest. See more of Karen and Jordan in Korey Rowe's 2017 documentary, INNOCENTLY VIOLENT. http://www.koreyrowe.com/pageiv

When is it all going to end? Working through fears, conspiracies, and uncertainty. KC & JP's crystal ball isn't working but that doesn't stop them from trying to figure out when they can stop paying the mortgage. "The Bonobo and the Atheist" by Frans De Waal - pp 224 "The Hay Wain" painting Shit House Pizza: 0:30:41 Dick Blister's North Shore Arctic Circle Grand Opening: 1:03:08 Alice Donut & Killdozer: Age of Aquarius / Let the Sun Shine In 1:16:04

Food ties us to the machine. What is 'permaculture,' and where might it lead us? KC & JP push through their aversion to 'movements' and immediately make a more productive homestead. TRY IT AT HOME: Fuck You Attacks (20:00)

For 40 years, we've been pronouncing the American Dream to be dead. Yet, the consumption choices and lifestyle habits of subsequent generations imply the dream is still alive and well. Why this paradox? How does this pathogen survive immune system detection, how can we inoculate ourselves and each other against this unseen disease, how can you break the news to a loved one... that they're infected? PSA: American Dream Disease (26:15) & a totally new thing, uh, here goes... TUXEDO SUPREMACIST "Trap, Neuter, Reparations" (1:29:20)

Where is your life most likely to get disrupted by climate catastrophe? And how the hell did JP & KC end up in Florida? REALITY SHOW SEGMENTS: Climate Craig's AM I FUDGED? (0:00) | CRESTE DE FUEGO FIX & FLIP (51:46) PLANT OF THE WEEK: crinum lily

Professor Mark Hineline wrote GROUND TRUTH: A GUIDE FOR TRACKING CLIMATE CHANGE AT HOME, which KC & JP talked about extensively in episode IV. Mark joins us to talk about zero carbon clubs, boomers, bioregionalism, and time discipline. EPISODE SPONSORS: Tough, Smart, Capitalism Lawyer (18:00) & Join the Allman Brothers (30:22) ADDITIONAL BOOKS MENTIONED IN THIS EPISODE: - DESERT SOLITAIRE - THE MAN WHO WALKED THROUGH TIME - THE WHOLE EARTH CATALOGUE - CADILLAC DESERT - ELECTRIC ACID KOOL-AID TEST - MERCHANTS OF DOUBT - BULLSHIT JOBS - HOW TO CHANGE YOUR MIND "TRANSPORTATION OPTIONS IN HEAVEN" Classic David Cross all music samples = fair use

JP & KC take to the evening air. THEY LIVE taught us how to see. Since our own culture is killing us, dropping out is step one in forming whatever comes next. PLANT OF THE WEEK: Elephant Ear HOROSCOPE: (0:00) EPISODE SPONSORS: Tender (48:30) & Adaptation (1:24:58)

KC and JP soak in the sinkhole. Are you screaming too? Internally or externally? Both? Any of that working? What the hell are we doing? ALL HAIL: worms Green-anarchy vs. nihilism vs. eco-grief vs. adaptation vs. green-revelationism vs. guilty-remnanting vs. sinkholing. SERMONS: (0:00 & 25:00) SLAM HYMNS: both read by Wikus/Dick Blister (20:00 & 40:52) PLANT OF THE WEEK: Candy Corn Vine

By request, KC & JP attend Al Gore's quarterly earnings report / sales motivation training / career retrospective (?) called, AN INCONVENIENT SEQUEL: TRUTH TO POWER. What's Al Gore been up to this last decade? Yelling in the wrong direction. UK CORRESPONDENT: JA LOCAL NEWS: Tipper Gore's Latest Crusade Against Podcasters (19:20) EPISODE SPONSOR: Al Gore's Reality (39:12) | A very potent indica/sativa mix SAMPLES: 2 Live Crew "Face Down Azz Up" | WDEF TV from 4/22/1986 | '85 US Senate Hearing with PMRC feat. Al Gore & Dee Snider from Twisted Sister (Dee, come on Maximum) Special Thanks To: Alice Donut "Tipper Gore" Donut Comes Alive (1988)

In a "Post IPCC World," KC and JP ponder the mechanisms of changing our culture, if that's even possible. Aside from political & economic climate change mitigation arenas, climate researcher Alan Robock says we also need to change our "culture," but who controls it, and how is culture defined? PRESS CONFERENCE: United Nations Engineering Defense Council (35:10) [thanks JA & CJ] PLANT OF THE WEEK: Roselle (aka hibiscus) EPISODE SPONSORS: Trixie's Hard Yogurt (0:00), Sir Richard Musk's Latest Scheme (19:00) [thanks Robin & Damien], & Dick Blister's Tommy's Termites (1:00:30)

Have a seat at our table for some end-times parenting lessons. Go on location for CCR's birthday. Cheer him on as he berates adults. EPISODE SPONSORS: Frigart-Bell Heaven's Gate Memorial Charter School (8:45) & Bill Cummings for School Board (12:34)

KC & JP break their delusional solar-salesman — whose hope for a "fix" is not uncommon. Then, in the two weeks since the UN's IPCC report has rightfully freaked everyone out, take a tour of the best vaporware headlines keeping us stupid. EPISODE SPONSORS: Domino Financial (5:00)& Dick Blister's Used Mattress Emporium (23:40)

KC & JP extend the War on Christmas to include canceling fake Halloween decorations. Jeff Bezos personally delivers your packages; squirrels are our new shamans. Tips for detoxing from the machine. An intro to phenology, not the bad kind. READINGS FROM: Ground Truth; A Guide to Tracking Climate Change at Home by Mark L. Hineline EPISODE SPONSORS: Dick Blister's Used Mattress Emporium (10:50) & New Realities (35:20)

What is hope? What are we hoping for? Who is behind this false hope? What's keeping us stupid and placid? JP and KC talk about losing their hope in Portland circa 2006. KILL THESE WORDS: solution, fix, save, manage READINGS: CONFESSIONS OF A RECOVERING ENVIRONMENTALIST by Paul Kingsnorth EPISODE SPONSORs : Eco-Buddy — Your path to a cleaner consciousness & The NRA

Arctic sea ice — who needs it?! KC & JP celebrate yet another human achievement. Tour recent, arctic headlines and their origins as science "fiction." KC tells her bear-encounter stories. Readings from MADDADDAM by Margaret Atwood & WE'RE DOOMED, NOW WHAT? by Roy Scranton. Weaponize the bears. Leo: go on Maximum. EPISODE SPONSOR: Operation Bearlift: Turn your dead loved-ones into food. [Fresh bodies only.]