Start Choosing You

Welcome back to the podcast! I've decided to create episodes whenever inspiration hits so make sure you subscribe so you don't miss any episodes.

In today's episode, I talk about the number one mistake I see people making in their self development journey (myself included). I discuss why we make this mistake and how to overcome it.

In today’s episode I am joined by Cat Burnett who is a certified and ICF accredited coach and coach supervisor who believes in evidence-based methods, exceptional training and development, and humanity’s ability to persevere and improve.

Cat became a coach in 2018, when coaching karate at an international level and recovering from depression collided. As she learned how to untangle her thoughts and rebuild her mindset, she realised she could facilitate the same change in others and became devoted to learning how.

When Cat isn’t coaching, you’ll likely find her curled up on the sofa with her own cat Thor (named after the lightning god, not the Marvel character), an engaging book, and a giant cup of tea!

Today we spoke about perfectionism and how having high standards can contribute to depression and feeling disconnected from our lives. We also drew comparisons between perfectionism and people pleasing and how our mindset affects everything.

We discussed:

• How the way you think about something influences the results
• Why visualisation can help get you to your desired outcomes
• Cat’s experience of perfectionism and having a fixed mindset
• How different choices can impact our lives and why Cat doesn’t regret dropping out of her Master’s degree
• Ways to overcome perfectionism and let go of striving for unattainable standards
• How your perfectionistic attitude can actually trip you up when trying to overcome perfectionism – and what to do about it!
• Why people pleasers and perfectionists can struggle with coaching and identifying their own needs – but why that’s not a problem.
• How following your desires can benefit everyone around you
• The dilemma of Instagram self help and positivity that ignores nuance, context and privilege vs. using the core message of self help to improve your life
• Difficulties we have as “content creators” sharing our story and content on mental health

To find out more about Cat and her work you can head to:

I have another solo episode for you and this one might be my favourite so far!

Many of us know that we struggle with our emotions but we don’t know why. Today I’ll be explaining why certain behaviours and beliefs get in the way of processing our emotions and what you can do instead.

I discussed:

• The long terms effects of unhelpful coping strategies such as numbing, avoidance and distraction
• Which beliefs make it hard for us to sit with discomfort and distress
• Why it’s not your fault that you respond in this way
• How acceptance can help and why it’s often the first step in sitting with discomfort
• Practical techniques to support you to cultivate acceptance
• How to improve any discomfort or distress you’re experiencing
• Why reassurance seeking can be a tempting way for people pleasers to avoid discomfort and how to reduce this
• Why solving your problems can be the key to sitting with discomfort

In today’s episode I am joined by Nicola Kemp who is a Life and Relationship Coach and Trainee Integrative Therapist. Nicola helps people feel more calm and more confident in their relationship with themselves and with others.

This episode was a no brainer as the main impact of people pleasing is often on our relationships. Nicola talks about how that all relationships are affected by the relationship you have with yourself and we dig into how we can start to meet our own needs and reconnect with ourselves.

We discussed:

• The many ways people pleasing can affect our relationships
• How the fear of being alone can make us pursue unsatisfactory relationships
• What attachment styles are and how people pleasing is related to the anxious attachment styles
• How boundaries and honest communication can strengthen your relationships
• The importance of authentic connection and how expressing your needs can cultivate this
• How to communicate with others in a gentle yet assertive way
• What to do when someone is ignoring your needs in the relationship
• Ways to improve the connection with yourself
• How to cultivate self-compassion and acceptance

In today’s solo episode I’m breaking down why your people pleasing tendencies actually make perfect sense.

People pleasing can come with a lot of shame and I hope today’s episode shows you that it’s not your fault that people pleasing became your coping strategy – it’s actually very understandable.

I also discussed:

• How our fight or flight response shows up in social situations
• Beliefs that are getting in the way of you stopping you from overcoming people pleasing
• Why you don’t always have to be growing or healing
• How to actually apply what you learn in podcasts
• Why our brains tend to seek out safety and comfort
• The importance of tolerating distress when changing people pleasing tendencies

Journal prompts from today’s episode:

1. Where do I tend to people please to avoid an uncomfortable feeling?
2. Given what I’ve learnt, how can I be more compassionate to myself when I am people pleasing?

In this episode, I am joined by Ashleigh Frater who is a Confidence Coach, she helps women, growing a personal brand - get started with video marketing by teaching them how to build confidence on camera, with her 3 step confidence formula- to increase their business visibility. She is on a mission in 2022, to impact 1000 women increase their self esteem and confidence by 50%.

We discussed:

• What confidence actually is
• Can confidence be built and nurtured over time?
• Ashleigh’s personal journey with confidence
• How putting yourself in a “box” and avoiding the spotlight limits joy
• Ways that confidence and people pleasing influence each other
• Being okay with disappointing others in order to honour yourself
• Having the “right” measures of success for you
• Trusting your own opinion rather than seeking reassurance
• How to improve your confidence over time

In this episode, I talk about what boundaries are, how they can help and how to overcome common problems that occur when setting boundaries. Boundaries have become a bit of a buzzword in the self development space so I have created this episode to break down exactly how to integrate boundaries into your life. In the episode I discuss:

• What boundaries are
• The different types of boundaries you can set
• Why boundaries are helpful in overcoming people pleasing
• The common mindset blocks around setting boundaries (and how to overcome these)
• The difference between rigid, porous and healthy boundaries
• Assertive communication and how this relates to boundaries
• Practical exercises and journal prompts to help you start setting those boundaries straight away

Today I'm joined by Vicky Shilling who is a wellness business mentor. Vicky helps health & wellness practitioners turn their expertise into income. 

We spoke about how people pleasing shows up in online businesses. Hilariously I thought that my people pleasing tendencies wouldn't follow me into my own business. Vicky and I discuss how this was not the case and we cover:

• The importance of mindset and confidence when starting and running an online wellness business
• Having boundaries with clients and how saying yes to everything isn't helpful or necessary
• How people pleasing shows up within social media, content creation and niching down in your business
• Why we neglect our own needs and struggle to accept praise within our businesses
• Recognising that we can't be responsible for our client's emotions and results
• How having a mentor and/or community can hold you accountable and move you forward
• The importance of self-care and prioritising rest when running a business

In this episode I talk about the common struggles of people pleasing and what you might notice if you always put other people first. If you're not sure whether this podcast is for you, you need to listen to this episode! You might find you recognise yourself in what I discuss:

• How people pleasing can affect your relationship with yourself as well as the other people around you
• What emotions are likely to come up for you when you're a people pleaser
• The consequences of avoiding conflict at all costs
• What having no boundaries looks like and how self-compassion and discipline are linked