Megan's Megacan

Germany has been in The Hague this week defending itself from accusations of aiding genocide — hands down winning this month's "Not A Great Look" award for countries with a history of genocide. Speaking of war crimes, freelance journalist Cathrin is on had to tell Megan and Konrad how Germany's policy on Syrian passports is helping the Assad regime — and don't piss off Botswana unless you want 20,000 elephants riding over the Alps. Cheers!

The birds are singing, the blossoms are blooming, the eggs are safely hidden – it's springtime at Megacan Towers and Megan has some sparkling springtime tips for the long weekend. But unfortunately, there's some news to get through before that: How do you get a tram through a fence, driving tests for senior citizens, football news, and whatever the fuck Kai Wegner has been up to this time. Mahlzeit!

Good news and bad news, listeners: Berlin might be able to force thousands of fancy holiday flats back onto the rental market, thanks to a good court ruling for once. The bad news is that Brandenburg is probably about to let Mr Muskness clear a forest so that he can build a million electric cars. Plus Tesla robot coffee's shit. Hooray!

Endlich! Germany legalizes cannabis (a little bit, as long as you join a Verein), then has a collective meltdown trying to decide which half of a film-making team you're allowed to clap, while Konrad fatally leaves it far too late in his megacan to explain the democratic principles underpinning the Federal Constitutional Court. All rise!

Fresh from a round of dental torture, Konrad visits the picturesque medieval town of Greiz, Thüringen, where a lady in a castle has decided that asylum-seekers have to do their shopping in the shops she likes. Plus, should there be EU nuclear bombs? And slightly new news from the court cases against Volkswagen and its ex-CEO Martin Winterkorn. Hey nonny nonny!

Konrad's back — from the frying pan of 90-degree humidity into the fryer of German politics. Luckily, Megan's here to untangle the hypocrisy and moral muddles that the country has been mired in while Konrad's been away. Also, ex-watchman Hans-Georg Maaßen gets watched and what's with Germany's new enthusiasm for strikes? Prost!

Really sorry, this is another repeat - this episode is one of our favourites, from March 2022. Megan and Konrad will be back for real soon!

The horror won't go away, but then neither do megacans. This week, Megan and Konrad get some distraction from world insanity with a welcome visit from veteran Berlin tour guide and history raconteur Ryan Balmer, who duly vents magnificently about the Humboldt Forum. Also Konrad has something to add about German arms exports.

Watch Ryan's great Berlin tours here!

Despite a busy schedule of stuffing their faces with post-Christmas delights and/or getting COVID, Megan and Konrad manage to squeeze one more canned cocktail into 2023 with an end-of-year round-up. But before that: Why are Germany's doctors on strike?Does the CDU really want to send asylum-seekers to Rwanda? Will 2024 be slightly less depressing? All these questions resolved, or at least ranted about, in this week's show.

Happy New Year!

This week, CDU leader Friedrich Merz insults both Chancellor Olaf Scholz and the plumbing community after the German government is roundly humiliated by the constitutional court. What is it with Germany and its weird debt brake fetish? Also, Amazon's subcontractor scam, and what you can and can't say in a demo in Berlin. Santé!

Megan's Megacan Theme Song by Eden Ottignon

In a special history episode, Megan and Konrad are joined by communist tour guide Nathaniel Flakin to discuss the 1918 November revolution in Germany, and a bizarre play about it written 15 years ago by none other than 2000s romcom star, Green Party bigwig, and German Vice Chancellor Robert Habeck.

Konrad and Megan are joined by expert mixologists Noel and Mark to rate the megacans sent in from all corners of the globe so we can finally answer the big questions – What colour is the drink inside? What is the greatest megacan in the world? And what the fuck is Four Loko supposed to be? Ikkinomi! 

The world might be going to hell in an over-heated handbasket, but as long as there's a podcast festival how bad can things be?

Megan and Konrad are joined by Maria Dębińska, Izzy Choksey, and special musical guest Eden Ottignon in front of a live studio audience at the Berlin Podfest to discuss climate grief, Konrad's film We're All Going To Die, and the delights of bisongrass vodka. Na zdrowie!

Theme Song: Eden Ottignon

Ever committed to the cause of public service journalism, Megan and Konrad deliver the bare-bones, stripped-down, tightly-presented facts of last Sunday's twin state elections in Bavaria and Hesse. The fascists are on the rise, the CDU/SPD ain't gonna save us, and it's all Christian Lindner's fault anyway. The people need to resist, ideally with a JD Whisky Sour, cos these long demos can be thirsty work. It's time for a mega-march!

Come to our live show at Podfest 2023 (and watch Konrad's movie there too!):

Pork products, over-confidence, and a bit too much right-wing populism? Yep, this must be Bavaria, which goes to the polls next week as Markus Söder seeks re-election with his coalition partner Hubert Aiwanger, who has definitely never been a Nazi ever. Konrad went to the land of Brezls to see one of Söder's election speeches and speak to the party leaders. Also, what's it like at a Polish wedding? Na zdrowie!

Come to our live show at Podfest 2023 (and watch Konrad's movie there too!):

Who can save us from the AfD? Please don't say Sahra Wagenknecht. Armed with Whisky & Gs and Lynchburg Lemonades, the intrepid megacanners try to figure out who Die Linke's most notorious politician is and what she wants. Plus, finally FINALLY young Berliners will be allowed to vote in state elections, as the cool capital drags itself into the 21st century. What took ya so long, homies?

Konrad's movie next week: Backhaus Projects, Sept 27, 8pm:

The summer's fading out, which means the Megacanners are fading in, and there's no better way to greet the onset of autumn than a lovely old Bavarian folk festival. But what's this? A highly-strung right-wing populist who's definitely not an antisemite ranting in one of the beer tents? No way! Plus ça fucking change. Plus ça Christian Lindner's new budget in the loveless coalition marriage. Luckily we have our lovely megas or the will to live might've left us already. Let's do this!

Come to our live show at the Podfest 2023 (and watch Konrad's movie!):

Another wee repeat - One of our best episodes, from November 12, 2022

This week, German police chat, as journalist Wael Askandar joins the Megacanners to talk about the time the cops refused people second scoops on Hermannplatz. Meanwhile Veronika Nad is on board to talk about the new Hanau exhibition at the HKW in Berlin. Jack Daniels all round? Don't mind if I do.

While we're away on our summer holidays, we're repeating some of our favourite episodes from our first five years of canned cocktails. Here's one of the best: A journey into the topsy-turvy world of German rap with special guest Maisie Hitchcock from September 18, 2020!

Kollegah - Fler - Haftbefehl - Bushido - Olexesh - Capital Bra - What the hell are you on about? You're babbling, man, you're babbling. - No I'm not! They're all famous German rappers - and on this week's show the megacanners find out how to tell them apart! It's totally Lila.

Buy us a round, ask us a question:

You know the drill: Megan's summer mood is brought crashing down by Germany's political developments as Konrad tells of the AfD's latest successes. Meanwhile, Germany needs more immigrants but why would anyone move here to nurse the country's aging generation of middle-class racists who like voting for Bavarians like the spectacularly named Hubert Aiwanger?

One more Citrus Collins anyone? I think I'd better. Cheers.

Buy us a round, ask us a question:

Hooray! More depressing news as a German town votes for a fascist for the first time in a while – if ONLY we'd done a bit more liberal pontificating about reunification. The rise of Nazism will certainly help encourage the immigrants that German businesses need so much. Meanwhile, German lawyers prosecute Iranian judges and Russian generals. Lucky we have a soothing whisky and ginger. Phew!

Germany's new immigration law:

A special edition mega for a special edition mega – Megan breaks out the all-new JD Whisky Sours while Konrad describes the court verdict of Lina E., the left-wing radical who took de-nazification a bit too literally. Ach, if only Germans could love themselves a bit more: Not to worry, because the CDU has a special patriotism program so you too can feel ok to be German. Alles wird gut!

The Megacanners prepare for the Pentecost the only way Jesus would've wanted: With a Captain Morgan Mojito – the ideal foundation for Kreuzberg's Karneval der Kulturen this weekend. But sadly the news keeps happening, and yet it doesn't, as the police decides to intimidate climate activists for no purpose, and Robert Habeck finds his Heating Bill pointlessly blocked by the FDP. Amen!  

Megan and Konrad are back on the Bio-Rhubarb-Limo this week to recover from the frankly decadent special edition. So with an unwonted clarity, the megacanners discuss new mayor Kai Wegner's accession to the throne (with or without help from some fascists), why the mafia loves spending money in Germany, and the trial of left-wing extremist Lina E. Is it terrorism if you bash a Nazi in the head? Alcohol-free cheers!

Compromises in Berlin and Berlin as both the federal and state governments of the German capital huddle together to clear the air, hash out their differences, confront their grievances, and decide how best to fuck the climate. Meanwhile, swimming pools declare freedom for boobs. Hooray for springtime!

Buy us a round, ask us a question:

Here's the teaser to our first ever bonus podcast, especially for our Patreon Patrons. This post-Easter Easter egg also happens to be Megan's favourite ever show – mainly because we don't mention Friedrich Merz even once. Konrad and Megan are joined by expert mixologists Noel and Mark to rate megacans sent in from all corners of the globe. ... Become a Patron to hear the full episode:

Compromises in Berlin and Berlin as both the federal and state governments of the German capital huddle together to clear the air, hash out their differences, confront their grievances, and decide how best to fuck the climate. Meanwhile, swimming pools declare freedom for boobs. Hooray for springtime!

Buy us a round, ask us a question:

A true moment of history beckons for Berlin as Megan's Megacan goes live from Hotel Selina in Mitte, and also at least some people get to vote on the future of the city they live in: March 26 is climate referendum day, and Megan and Konrad are joined by Sabine Zimmermann from Klimaneustart to explain why this might be the biggest vote in your life.

Also, maybe you would like him when he's angry: big Green man Robert Habeck is absolutely raging as the FDP leak his heating bill. He needs a mega to calm down. Cheers, Bob!

This week, Megan's Megacan goes gin-crazy to settle the ultimate head-to-head: Bombay Sapphire or Gordon's? And boy do they need it: Not only is Berlin about to get an actual boomer racist as its new mayor, with the CDU and the SPD getting cosy, but they have to get their heads round the Northern Ireland protocol and the Windsor Framework and the Stormont Brake. Thank God Irish political analyst Daniel Farrell is on board to explain. Sláinte!

On the eve of another election, Berlin asks: Will this one count? And if it does, what does it mean? Megan and Konrad pick through the coalition options, take a spin on the Wahl-O-Mat, and explain why this time nothing can possibly go wrong. Cheers for the volunteers!

A damp and miserable January is saved at the end by none other than Captain Morgan and his special mojitos, as Megan and Konrad discuss Scholz's tank prevarication and figure out why there aren't enough flats to go round. Plus, how does Megan rate the government's plans to deal with Germany's teacher shortage? Avast, me hearties!

Armoured men stuck in the mud, besieged protesters holding out in tunnels, while monstrous machines devour the very Earth. This is the medieval hellscape that is Lützerath 2023. How did this happen? Where has the Green Party left its soul? What did the RWE corporation whisper in Robert Habeck's ear in a locked room many months ago? Megan and Konrad settle down with a mug of herbal and a miraculously fluffy chocolate cake while energy expert Izzy Choksey breaks it all down. More tea, vicar?

Journalist and historian Nathaniel Flakin joins Megan and Konrad for a dive into Berlin's disjointed revolutionary history, a trip round red Neukölln, and a detour into the left's current disjointed politics to ask: What has Die Linke actually ever done for us? Happy New Year, comrades!

Just in time for Christmas, a yuletide treat comes a-popping out of the advent news calendar – a giant exploding fish tank in the middle of the city. Then Megan and Konrad run through the cabinet that Germany could've had - if only the Reichsbürger had taken over. Plus more of Megan's festive Berlin tips. Merry Christmas one and all!

Megan steels herself for a politics again, but then, for a change, Konrad actually has quite nice news to offer about multiple nationalities – unless of course the CDU has something to say about it. We'll need those megacans after all, Mr. Späti. Also, what happens when the German army runs out of bullets? Plus, especially for the Advent season, Megan presents her special festive Berlin tips. Glühweins all round!

Another glorious day for the German capital, as Berlin becomes the first-ever German state forced to re-take its elections due to being fuck-up central. So we might have a new mayor in the spring. Then Megan and Konrad are joined by the brilliant Heather, manager of a refugee centre in Berlin – rules, deportations, and who are the preferred refugees? Drinks, please!

This week, German police chat, as journalist Wael Askandar joins the Megacanners to talk about the time the cops refused people second scoops on Hermannplatz. Meanwhile Veronika Nad is on board to talk about the new Hanau exhibition at the HKW in Berlin. Jack Daniels all round? Don't mind if I do.

It's Bonfire Night, so gather round with Konrad and Megan and your favourite sticky beverage – sadly festive Jack Daniels with santa hats aren't out yet. This week, a surprisingly nuanced chat about hospital reform, the Söder-Merz conservative romance, and flippin fracking again with Christian flippin Lindner. Frack off!

Lovers of German regional politics are in for a very special time this week as Megan and Konrad dissect the election results in the nondescript state of Lower Saxony - or at least try and tell the candidates apart. Meanwhile, a survey of Germans' fears falls out of a computer somewhere and Megan has to guess what it said. Things Just Keep On Happening!

Like a feckless student, Berlin might need to re-take its elections because of a series of polling day irregularities last September. But can the Klimaliste, the only party actually taking the climate crisis seriously, bring itself to contest it again - seeing as hardly anyone voted for them? We'll see, former Bundestag candidate and physics teacher Michael Hohenadler tells the Megacanners over a classic G&T. Chin-Chin!

Five weeks of drought and one dose of COVID-19 later, the Megacanners are back in your ears, with more German Things: Germany's north-south rivalry gets reinflamed by a row over energy policy, there's the anniversary of the Rostock pogrom, and How To Fight Money Laundering with Christian Lindner. Sante!

Megan's about to go on her summer holidays, so the last thing she wants is a German official called Klaus warning her about her winter heating bills. But Germany is on the brink of a gas crisis, so we have special guest energy expert Izzy Choksey to keep us calm. If anyone can help it'll be Economy Minister and noughties romcom star Robert Habeck. Skol!

Megan's in a superb mood as this week's show begins, so Konrad decides to try and explain Germany's antitrust laws, and why Robert Habeck thinks he can tighten them, because of Christian Lindner's petrol price fiasco. Long story. Then something else that needs tightening: gun control. As well as our grip on the news. Prost!

What do AfD Bundestag members message each other about when they think no one's listening? Now we know, thanks to some awkward text leaks. Plus, another state election has happened out West, somewhat confusingly, and what do East Germans feel about Russia? Konrad reports back from Erfurt. Mahlzeit!

New limited edition megas this week, after Schleswig-Holstein, AKA the sticky-up bit that's almost Denmark, went to the polls and delivered a blow to the AfD. Then Berlin cops failed to enforce neutrality on Victory Day, Giffey got a Gif-Ei (crap German pun), and why Berlin's Education Minister gives Megan the heebie-jeebies. Ahoy!

SPD fossils Steini, Siggi, and Scholz come to terms with their party's disastrous Russia policy, as nerves fray between Germany and Ukraine over arms supplies. Meanwhile, 4/20 protesters took to the streets of Berlin this week to ask why Germany has still not introduced humane drug policies. Gebt das Hanf frei!