Hope when there was none
By Melinda Kunst
Thanks for tuning in! I hope your day is filled with blessings, magic, and miracles!
Hope when there was noneApr 23, 2024
What you can do if you are being manipulated part 2
What is manipulation?
Common signs you are recovering from abuse
What are some signs that you're recovering? You may feel shocked, ask yourself, did this really happen? There might be rage. You may experience depression denial and more on today's episode. Find the link for the 4th Annual Women's Retreat here- https://www.eventbrite.com/e/letting-go-tickets-880924347437?utm-campaign=social&utm-content=attendeeshare&utm-medium=discovery&utm-term=listing&utm-source=cp&aff=ebdsshcopyurl
Emotional Blackmailer
What is Emotional Blackmail?
This person may threaten to harm you or hurt themselves in order to get what they want or for you to do their bidding. Dr. Susan Forward coined the term emotional blackmail in her 1997 book “Emotional Blackmail: When the People in Your Life Use Fear, Obligation, and Guilt to Manipulate You.” Find this here- amzn.to/49mDckT
Who does this?
Someone that in the past may have experienced:
Abandonment
Moments they were made to feel unloved.
Someone that has a narcissistic behavior
Experienced trauma or abuse
They have a low self esteem and low self worth
Experienced blame or shame as a child
They use this as a tool to keep control over someone they love or what they perceive as love. The victim feels guilt, fear or shame which is what the blackmailer wants. In many cases the blackmailer is just bluffing but the victim doesn’t know this or if they do they could be just so worn down they comply hesitantly.
It looks like:
A demand that could be very subtle or literally in your face. You may try to ignore or resist the demand but the blackmailer keeps up the pressure for you to do whatever it is. If that isn’t working they will start making threats to harm you, your children, family, furbabies or themselves. You then are so tired of this cycle that may go on and on for hours or days and you give in to their demands. This will play out so many more times in your relationship.
“As an Amazon Associate, I earn from qualifying purchases.”
Safety planning for the holiday
Tips for Dealing With Heartache
Am I being abused
Protective Order Tips
Tips for leaving your abuser
Self-love Challenge Day 29 Recap
🌞 Start small
🌞 Try 5 minute self-care
🌞 Hydrate/Exercise
🌞 Get outdoors
🌞 Since this is a Leap year write a letter to your future self about where you hope to be but see it like it already happened and reread this on the next Leap year
🌞 Be kind with yourself
🌞 Question your inner meanie when you hear that negative voice in your head
🌞 Give yourself permission to break free from relationships that don't serve you. Ask yourself: Do I feel drained, fear, dread or safe with this person or in this situation?
More on today's Hope when there was none Podcast episode. See you back in April!
Spiritual- Self-love Challenge Day 28
This can look like:
💕 Reading your Bible, Torah and so on
💕 Finding alone time for quiet reflecting
💕 Practicing Random Acts of Kindness and Gratitude and more!
Tune into today's Hope when there was none Podcast for a deeper dive.
Work- Self-love Challenge Day 27
It can look like:
Journaling your goals or accomplishments
Recognizing your work mates
Taking your breaks
Creating Boundaries and more on today's episode.
Intellectual Self-love Day 26
It looks like looking after your mindset learning new things and developing a positive personal and professional mindset.
What can you do?
Read books or listen to podcasts geared to your interests.
Open your mind to new ideas and opinions.
Play games, use brain teasers, or gaming.
This and more on today's episode.
A Domestic Violence Survival Story
Today is my 15 year Survivalversary! I'll be sharing my story of healing from over several decades of domestic abuse. I'll dig into:
Why did I stay?
Were there red flags that I noticed?
What would I do different and much more!
Catch me "Live" on my FB page- Hope when there was none.
A trigger warning in advance. This will be unscripted. If you have questions in advance message me privately. If you know someone that needs to talk or suggestions for resources I am happy to hold space for you!
BIG HUGS and God bless!
Mel
Using your senses for self-love Day 23
Sight- Find art or create something. Catch the sun rising or setting.
Smell- Wear your favorite perfume or cologne. Use essential oils.
Touch- Put silk sheets on your bed. Walk barefoot.
Hearing- Play soothing music. Have good conversation.
Taste- Treat yourself to your favorite take-out. Practice mindful eating.
Tune into the Hope when there was none Podcast for more tips and ideas.
Limiting beliefs- Self-love Challenge Day 22
A limiting belief is thoughts or opinions that you have about yourself.
Grab some paper and a pen and really think about those negative thoughts you have about yourself.
How can you shake these negative or toxic beliefs? Several things can help. Think about who you spend time with. Do they lift you up or do you feel drained after being with them? Do you need to clean-up around your house or get rid of clutter? Negativity thrives in chaos and clutter!
Dissect those thoughts you have, where did they come from or who did they come from?
Start to incorporate meditation, unplugging from technology, getting into nature, try grounding yourself, journaling, or using positive affirmations.
Will these thoughts go away overnight? No, give yourself grace and time to heal.
Digital detox- Self-love Challenge Day 21
The world will still keep going if you're not online! Trust me! Our brain takes a dopamine hit from being engaged with our devices so to fill that need we are constantly on our electronics. While these have a good purpose and can be handy they can also be stressful as we compare our lives to those seemingly perfect lives of social media. Or we are checking our subscribers, Likes, views, and so on. Step back today or try this on the weekend!
Start by:
Setting a Digital Wellbeing setting or Do not disturb.
Put your devices away for 5 minutes
Have a designated place where your phone stays when you walk in the door at the end of the day and don't check it. (We still have a landline so we can get old school calls)
Use this time to get outdoors, have conversations with your family or to reconnect with hobbies!
Take small steps! Let me know how this goes for you!
Boundaries- Self-love Challenge Day 20
I never knew:
I can tell someone how I felt.
I can tell someone what my needs were.
I can tell someone when something didn't feel good.
In our relationships with others and including ourselves it is important to make sure your voice is heard.
Boundaries are your values, core beliefs, and respect. This comes from a place of love for you and those in your circle. We are born into families or get into relationships that have unhealthy patterns. This may not include knowing what boundaries are or what they look like.
You may notice someone makes you feel guilty for putting up boundaries. You may feel:
• Fear of being rejected
• People not liking you when you present your boundaries
• Fear of confrontation
Setting healthy boundaries looks like:
• Asking for help when you need it
• Saying “No” without guilt
• Being respectful of the boundaries of others even if they conflict with your own
More on today's Podcast episode!
Health- Self-love Challenge Day 19
Doing things that make you happy
Reducing negativity in your life with Boundaries and finding self-compassion for yourself
Trusting that you make good decisions
Getting doctor's appointments and tests needed
Taking care of your needs first can go a long way on your healing journey! More on today's episode!
Journal- When was the last time you were truly happy? If you can't recall try to remember a recent event where you made someone happy. How did that make you feel?
Self-love Challenge days 17 and 18
#selflovechallenge #healingjourney #selfcaretips
Ask for help- Self-love Challenge Day 16
The power of "Asking" for help is powerful and is a BIG part of self-love. We have a tendency to do things on our own and it can be overwhelming if things go sideways. What does waving the white flag do? It's allowing compassion and trust to come in. What does this mean? Asking can be motivating, open up dialogue, create opportunities, and help with day-to-day tasks.
Perhaps your car is at the mechanism and you need a ride to get you to a job interview but you don't want to "bother" a friend or you aren't sure how to do a resume but know of an employment agency that may be able to help.
Asking for help doesn't mean you are weak or that you should feel ashamed. There could be a friend out there that knows you are struggling and has been waiting for the chance to help you!
If it makes you feel better depending on if it's a costly request, can you trade something for working together? Like baking? Making a meal? Or creating something in exchange for the help. Sometimes we need that extra nudge or to lessen the load. Take a moment today to think of what you need assistance with and who can help you out. Even if it's virtual!
You never know where this could lead to! If your person doesn't wish to have anything in return accept this blessing. Many people just like to be a friend and offer that support when needed. This can be foreign to you if you have never had a honest and true person in your life for support.
Comparison- Self-love Challenge Day 15
Do you feel envious or jealous of someone on social media?
Let's take steps to recognize this and dig into where it came from on today's Hope when there was none Podcast episode.
Social Self-love- Self-love Challenge Day 14
Reconnect with old friends
Find positive support groups
Stay away from Energy Vampires
Checking in with yourself after meeting or talking with someone and more on today's episode.
Negative Self-talk Self-love Challenge Day 13
"You are a failure!"
"You look so awful in that!"
"What were you thinking when you did that you idiot!"
WOWZA! Are you still friends with this person?! No you aren't! This is "YOU!" Honestly? Would you tell this to your bestie? Nope! Let's dive into what negative self-talk is and what can we do to flip the switch by:
Reframing
Showing self-compassion to yourself
Putting the brakes on what we listen to or watch during our day and more on today's podcast episode!
How is this going for you? I'd love to know message me privately on social media or at my email address- melindakunst812@gmail.com
No Complaining Self-love Challenge Day 12
Go 24 hours without "complaining". This means no- "That was my parking spot you Jerk!", "Nothing good ever happens to me!", "I'm always late!". You get the picture?
Complaining is negative energy that you are putting out into the world and in your own space that negativity takes a LOT of energy! Give thought to what you are really feel. When you notice you are doing this reframe or think of a positive solution for the situation.
🔥Strive to form friendships based on positive things
🔥Complaining regularly can bring down your mood
🔥 Give a negative outlook
I'd love to hear how this goes for you!
Self-love Challenge Day 10 & 11
Emotional Self-love Challenge Day 9
Today we're talking about emotional self love. This is about caring for you emotionally. So what does it look like if you don't care for yourself emotionally? You feel the need to look for approval from others. Self sabotage Neglecting your needs and more. So what can you do? Create boundaries Work on forgiveness for you and yourself Express your feelings even if it's tough Take a break from social media and the news Practice deep breathing and more tune into today's episode to learn more.
Check out Charmaine Moore here-https://www.instagram.com/faceofhopeandbeauty/
Physical Self-love Challenge Day 8
- Carving time out just for you
- Getting more sleep
- Tapping into what brings you joy and more.
Tune in to today's episode.
Self-compassion- Self-love Challenge Day 7
Self-worth- Self-love Challenge Day 6
Self-care- Self-love Challenge Day 5
Self-awareness- Self-love Challenge Day 4
Some examples to tune in are:
Journaling
Practicing Mindfulness
Grounding and more!
Journaling- Self-love Challenge Day 3
Gratitude- Self-love Challenge Day 2
Self-love Challenge Day 1
What is your favorite way to play or enjoy the outdoors?
#selfcare #healingjourney
Finding Yourself
Effects of Domestic Violence
What are the effects of Domestic Violence on adults and children? You may experience: 🔥 Fearfulness 🔥 Trust issues 🔥 Feel stuck 🔥 Chronic health issues 🔥 Nightmares and more!
Find Charmaine Moore here! https://www.instagram.com/faceofhopeandbeauty/
What does a Narcissist look like?
They may:
Shame you
Belittle you
Blame shift
Play the victim and more...
Here is the Abandonment episode- Listen to the most recent episode of my podcast: Abandonment Wounds anchor.fm/melinda-j-kunst/episodes/Abandonment-Wounds-e2df59o
Listen to the most recent episode of my podcast: Setting healthy Boundaries in any relationship anchor.fm/melinda-j-kunst/episodes/Setting-healthy-Boundaries-in-any-relationship-e2bqui6
Listen to the most recent episode of my podcast: Affirmations for you! anchor.fm/melinda-j-kunst/episodes/Affirmations-for-you-e29dbt2
Melinda's Divine Womb Ceremony
I know many can't wait to get rid of their parts. I was emotional as I tapped into how much this beautiful organ has been through. She has experienced sexual traumas. Loss of children by my own hand or as an act of God. She has supported and given life to 4 beautiful children. She known healthy pleasure and had lovers that gave her what she needed sometimes without strings.😉 She has carried scars and kept going strong. It was something more than being a vessel when I started to think of it. I am forever grateful to Charmaine for her creativity and love for making me feel the miracle of my womanhood. I encourage anyone that has wanted to do something special such as this! It was beautiful!
Here's where you can find these fabulous ladies I mentioned:
Charmaine- www.instagram.com/faceofhopeandbeauty?igsh=ZGNjOWZkYTE3MQ==
Sabine- www.instagram.com/sabine_voegtli?igsh=ZGNjOWZkYTE3MQ==
Brianne- www.instagram.com/briannecoleman?igsh=ZGNjOWZkYTE3MQ==
Goal setting for 2024
Goal setting using a Vision board can look like: Learning how to budget- Starting over can be hard when it comes to finances. Even if you aren't a single Momma! Planning for the future is important. Learn what resources are available to you! Is there grants or programs for electricity? Food stamps? Housing? Can you go back to school to learn a new career or brush up on skills so you can advance in your current career? Maybe you want to take steps to leave an abuser and aren't sure what to do first. Did you know I did a Vision Board "BEFORE" I left my ex? I envisioned our lives without him! I learned what paperwork I could file on my own without the need of an attorney. I couldn't afford one at the time and was Pro Se for about 75% of my divorce. Goals can be something you start anytime. Start taking action by visualizing the outcome of your dreams and goals. Put into motion what you need to do to begin. Is it phone calls? Research? Reading a book? Whatever this looks for you just start.
Send some love to Charmaine Moore on IG. Check her out here- https://www.instagram.com/faceofhopeandbeauty/
Why she stays
It can hard for people to understand why a person stays an abusive relationship. Here are a few reasons why she stays on today's episode.
Abandonment Wounds
Support ideas for Survivors and loves ones
This looks like:
Reminding yourself that your feelings are valid.
Giving yourself time to breathe.
Finding the healing modality that works for you and more on today's episode.
What's your blood type and what does this have to do with abuse?
Mind games toxic people play
⛈️ Gaslighting
⛈️ Someone that's projecting
⛈️ Making you feel guilting
⛈️ Playing the victim and more.
Have you experienced any of these?
What Survivors want you to know
Tips for safety planning for the holidays
Know you are not alone in your struggle. If you need to talk feel free to message me privately. For support and for encouragement after you have experienced emotional trauma for women only check out The Survivors Cafe.
Find me here- https://linktr.ee/melindakunst Shelters and Resources-
The Hotline - 1-800-799-7233 1-800-787-3224 (TTY) En Español
Safe Horizon -1-800-621-HOPE (4673)
NCADV - Resources page for National and International helpAbused Deaf Women's Advocacy Services (ADWAS) provides advocacy services for Deaf and DeafBlind survivors of domestic violence and sexual assault.
http://www.adwas.org/Sexual Assault Hotline-
https://www.rainn.org/Suicide prevention-
https://suicidepreventionlifeline.org/International-
https://internationalwomenshouse.org/get-help Apps for victims and Survivors-https://www.domesticshelters.org/resources/mobile-apps-for-victims-and-survivors
Staying motivated while healing
🩷 Create a list of your goals
🩷 Find a support group, trusting friend, or licensed professional
🩷 Take a break if things get too heavy and more on today's podcast.
Are you in Survival mode?
😔 Do you feel physically sick around, near your abuser or at the thought of being around this person?
😔 Are you anxious or nervous around this person? You aren't alone!
You are not alone! Listen to today's broadcast.