Melrose Sheltering in Place

Enjoy what is probably the last episode of this podcast.

It's been so long since we recorded this I have no idea what happened.

It's been a while! As in it's literally been months since we recorded this episode. Join us, won't you? 

GUESS WHAT?!?! Melrose Sheltering in Place is officially two years old! And we bet you figured we wouldn't make it -- especially since we haven't posted in what feels like almost two years. Anyhoo, we're back! And it's likely none of the banter in this episode is timely! 

Tired of the Chelsea/Lance situation blowing up your TikTok? Need to escape to a different kind of drama? Well Nan and Christopher are here with another episode of Melrose Sheltering in Place. It's been so long since we recorded this one that Nan doesn't really remember what happens. So it'll be a surprise for everyone! Enjoy! 

Nan writes the descriptions for these episodes, and Nan will be honest -- it's taken them so long to post this since recording that they only have a vague memory of what's going on. Brooke uncovers Amanda's past. We find out where Henry came from -- and a fake Henry plot is hatched. Jane asks, "What's love got to do with it?"

Happy Holidays! We have a very special gift for you -- that is, we are posting the next episode of Melrose Sheltering in Place. As Omicron rages, join us in a place that just might make you happy you can't see anyone right now. We finally get a new intro! And something is up with Allison's face! Amanda and Sydney are...roommates because Amanda makes Sydney let her move in with her while the building is being repaired? Kimberly is locked up with Henry. Jo and Jake are...Jo and Jake. 

It's kind of like Christmas with your framily. 

Well folks, we made it to the Season 3 finale! What a season it's been. Nan is posting this a whole month after we recorded it, so they can't remember what actually happened -- but boy was it a doozy! 

Time is an illusion in Melrose Sheltering in Place. 

This episode, literally everyone is getting tricked by someone and falling for it even though it seems kind of obvious. A fiance just disappears. And honestly, someone giving you a bogus fancy job in Hong Kong to get you away from Billy seems like a win-win. 

The highlights: Michael gets dumped, and Dan Cortese is hot. 

In this episode we have Gay Cop John, Dan Cortese, Kristin Davis, and a very exciting scene involving a lamp and a hot tub. Also Nan took so long to post this episode that they cannot remember anything else to say about it. 

Thank you for your patience. - MGMT

What is time? Here at Melrose Sheltering in Place we don't know what day it is -- but luckily, time doesn't really seem to exist in the Melrose Place universe, either, really. Let's find out how to get into and out of a cult in like 3 easy episodes, shall we? 

This week, Nan learned how to edit around some technical difficulties. We finally find out how they land the baby plotline. And we get some exciting guest stars! 

We wish we were in Vegas. Instead we get to watch Sydney get kidnapped by Chris to Vegas. Sigh. Allison goes to rehab and becomes friends with The Hulk. The Great Baby Game continues. And Amanda has a very restless holiday. It's Melrose Sheltering in Place. 

And here we are, no audio problems this time. Let's see, what happens this week...

Allison's drinking problem is getting out of control. A baby is born! And also a switcheroo happens that we don't completely understand the logistics of. Matt is so good at boundaries. Billy continues to be the worst. Other stuff...it's just another day in Melrose Place. 

WARNING WARNING: The audio on this one is alllllll messed up. But we figured we'd post it anyway because what the heck. But just know that if you skip to the next episode we won't hold it against you. 

Hey y'all! Melrose Sheltering in Place is BACK! We needed a little vacation, but we return this week with an episode we actually recorded like 6 weeks ago. Which means we also cannot remember exactly what happened in this episode to write any kind of description. So let's wander together into the unknown that is this week's episodes of Melrose Place...

It's officially season 3 of Melrose Sheltering in Place, and we're definitely in soap opera land. Can't wait to meet an evil twin or something. 

Well we've come to the season 2 finale of Melrose Place. It's kind of a runaway bride situation. 

This week we FINALLY GET THE BIG KIMBERLY REVEAL and...it's a little underwhelming? Join Nan and Christopher for Melrose Sheltering in Place. 

This time on Melrose Sheltering in Place...Allison's family is weird and probably bad, we don't know why BILLY AND ALLISON ARE GETTING MARRIED, Sydney and Michael are honestly made for each other, everyone is moving on up in their careers, Amanda is very clearly an oppressive boss but also there's a peeping Tom on the loose...and we finally get a big surprise we've been waiting for! Join us. 

Wondering why we're talking about the Super Bowl?! Because of many technical difficulties, this episode is getting posted more than 4 weeks since it as recorded. Oops. Anyway, welcome back to Melrose Sheltering in Place. It's been so long since we recorded this we can't remember what happened, so join us for the adventure of discovery. 

Well it's another episode of Melrose Sheltering in Place, one of a multitude of Melrose Place Podcasts because what the eff else are we going to do with the rest of our lives? This week, no one, including Billy and Allison, can figure out why Billy and Allison are still together. We can't figure out how Andrew Shue is even still on this show. Someone puts a secret compartment in the most conspicuous place. And nothing says dating like blackmail! It's MELROSE PLACE!!!!

Happy New Year! Meet the new boss, so far same as the old boss. Anyway, Nan and Christopher are back! This week at Melrose Place we have: scheming, infidelity, Don't Ask Don't Tell, a change of fortune, and a sailor who may or may not be a criminal. This show is actually getting watchable! 

This week we add a new feature to Melrose Sheltering in Place: JORTS CORNER! Wanna know what's happening in Jorts Corner? Guess you'll have to listen. We also talk about the fact that sex work is work, doctors should pull their hair back around open wounds, and wigs! Any day now we'll be as big as the Spin Doctors. 

Welcome back to Melrose Sheltering in Place. Things are really heating up around here: Michael is sleeping with Kimberly AND Sydney and mad that Jane is sleeping with Robert. Jane is sleeping with Robert but still sad about that ding dong Michael. That's our Jane. And Matt agrees to marry Katya so she can stay in the US but then resents her for it, while Billy is very silly as usual. Join us, won't you? 

Well today is a historic day. We decided to celebrate Trump's defeat and the first woman of color vice president by recording a podcast talking about Melrose Place. We literally found out the results like 5 minutes before recording. Anyway, enough about us. This week we talk about the drinking problem that wasn't, lawyers in lust, and the battle of the sexes, 90s style. Join Nan and Christopher for another visit to Melrose Place. 

We're FINALLY AT SEASON TWO!!!!!! Ten minutes in and it's already much improved from season 1. Honestly, Hulu should just delete season 1 and call it the lost season, just like Drag Race. Anyway, join Nan and Christopher as we discuss the explosive first 3 episodes of season 2 of Melrose Place. 

As a reward for FINALLY finishing season 1, we're talking about The Unauthorized Melrose Place Story, a Lifetime movie from 2015 that tells the story of the first 3 seasons of Melrose Place in an hour-and-a-half. It's kind of like looking at an impressionist painting...or something. But you know who watches TV? THESE TWO HOT BABES. Join us, the hot babes, as we walk you through the one thing that might be stupider than Melrose Place Season 1. 

Welp, we did it. We recorded a 2.5 hour episode about the entire second half of the first season of Melrose Place. If we can do it, you can do it. So grab some snacks, take a quick pee break, get in your comfy chair, and get ready to flash forward to season 2 with us. 

Heads up: Some slight technical difficulties this week. Very slight. But Nan is not a savvy enough editor to do much about it. 

Anyhoo, this week we have a stock storyline featuring two characters we've never seen before and will never see again. Also, where's Matt? Plus, Nan has a big idea to put us out of our misery faster, and Christopher is into it. 

This week, stuff happens but it feels like not much happens? Join Nan and Christopher as we continue to shelter in Melrose Place. Matt makes some progress on his lawsuit, we definitely get the feeling Michael is gonna cheat, Jane is weirdly philosophical but in a very Jane way, and Alison is all over the place. 

Sandy gets herself off this sinking ship that is Melrose Place. Also, Matt finally gets his storyline from the storyline closet. 

Can't get enough of your own student debt? Well here's a whole story arc dedicated to someone else's! 

Just know that at some point in the middle things go a little haywire but we get it back on track. Which is more than we can say for Melrose Place. Anyway, this time around, Billy and Allison have a very weird fight. All. Episode. Long. The inevitable finally happens: one seed is lost and another is planted. And don't get your friends dogs as surprise gifts! 

This week we have a very timely episode (of Melrose Place, the show we're watching -- stuck that in there for the search), full of awkward dialogue that was clearly written by white people. 

This week, Nan and Christopher talk for 5 minutes about our Lost Episode, which was really the universe doing y'all a favor. Then we talk about Responsibly Yours, possibly one of the best Melrose Place episodes yet. Which is really saying...something. 

Somehow this show is getting worse. If it were a patient of Dr. Mancini, it would be flatlining. But we use the time to get a little personal with you. Oh the horror. 

Join us for yet another week of making fun of Melrose Place, complete with Fuck 12 energy and a call to donate to bail funds. Also pardon the interruption in the middle -- someone had to poop. And by someone we mean Nan. 

We are not the podcast for learning about the call to defund police and police and prison abolition, but some recommendations:

Read literally anything by Angela Davis. 

Check out the website for Critical Resistance. 

Read The End of Policing by Alex Vitale. 

Find a bail fund and give it money. 

Check out the work of Mariame Kaba. 

This week we have an abortion storyline and the hot 90s craze of bungee jumping. Take the plunge with us. 

This shit is bananas. B-A-N-A-N-A-S. 

Jane, for the love of god, get a life. 

This week, Nan and Christopher try not to bore you to death while talking to you about an episode of Melrose Place that bored them to death. Jane, get a hobby. PLEASE. 

Join Nan and Christopher as we shelter together in Melrose Place. 

When Melrose Place originally aired in 1992, Nan was a 13-year-old book nerd and Christopher was 18, traveling the world, footloose and fancy free. They both completely missed the cultural phenomenon that was Melrose Place. Now they're socially distancing in Texas and Washington, so what better time to discover some new friends, revisit their youths, and spend some time together (from a safe hundreds of miles apart). 

This is...Melrose Sheltering in Place.