Messy Hats

Messy Hats

By Kerrin Bradfield
"So many hats and only one head"

We all wear many hats that shape how we see our selves and our sexuality.

Each fortnight, join me as I deep dive into the pile of messy hats to explore what it is to be human . Along the way I will be inviting other experts to throw their messy hats in too.

Human, sexologist, sexuality educator, madonna, whore, cis woman, friend, employee, business owner, feminist, advocate and more. What messy hats do you have?
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RSE works so why isn't it everywhere? -Part One
There is a large and growing body of evidence showing the effectiveness of Relationships & Sexuality Education (RSE) in improving the health and wellbeing of people of all ages, identities, and abilities. In particular, RSE that focuses on bodily autonomy, sexual rights, and healthy relationships is one of the best strategies for reducing the incidence of sexual violence in our communities.  So if it works so well, why doesn't everyone receive it? Why don't governments make it mandatory to teach RSE?  In this two-part special, I am joined by Katrina Marson, a passionate advocate who's commitment to reducing sexual violence recently led to her to a Churchill Fellowship researching RSE across the globe. When Katrina set out, her aim was to examine the topics covered in successful programs but what she found was so much more including the necessary components from the ground up and top-down that could result in sweeping change.  This chat was so good that we just kept talking so stay tuned for Part Two. Taking hats off and exploring with others how their hats shape their reality provides a framework for an exploration of self, sexuality, radical intimacy, and what it truly means to be authentic. What messy hats do you wear? ---- To learn more about sexuality education and the work of Open Book Project in the community and schools visit https://www.openbookproject.com.au/ To download Katrina's report you can view her profile https://www.churchilltrust.com.au/fellows/detail/4390/Katrina+Marson  
32:35
May 28, 2020
The irresistable libido
A lot of factors can influence a person’s interest in sexual activity with another person. Outdated ideas of relationship make it difficult to see the difference between wife and object for many heterosexual women and it’s easy to see why someone’s sex drive might not thrive in those circumstances. In this episode Christine Priestly from Connexion Therapies shares her story and gives valuable insights into how we can all set ourselves free to move from a place of doubt and fear to freedom and desire. We explore culture, ageing, self-pleasure and most importantly authenticity to see what it means to just be. Liberation in the space between. Is this what it is to have no hats? Taking hats off and exploring with others how their hats shape their reality provides a framework for an exploration of self, sexuality, radical intimacy, and what it truly means to be authentic. What messy hats do you wear? ---- If you are a teacher or healthcare professional why not Deep Dive with me into your own sexual attitudes and values and emerge with greater self-acceptance. Apply to attend the sexual attitudes reassessment (online this July) https://www.openbookproject.com.au/deepdivevirtual You can find Christine at www.connexiontherapies.com.au for sex and relationships counselling and hypnotherapy. 
31:41
May 13, 2020
Talking to kids about sexuality
This podcast is an excerpt from a recent webinar I gave for parents. I know that as a parent, watching a video or getting online isn't always easy. Now you can pop your headphones in or play it in the car to get a taste of what we talked about.  Grab a one and paper because this episode starts with me asking parents to answer these a couple of questions. You might like to have a think about your own answers before listening to this episode! 1) What feelings about sexuality would you like your kids to have in adulthood?  2) What kinds of experiences of relationships and sexuality do you want them to have when they are old enough? The webinar is available to watch in full on the website www.openbookproject.com.au/freewebinar The webinar has slides and images and goes through a number of examples to help you understand why its difficult to talk, what we need to talk about and when, and some tips and tricks to get talking and answer questions like a star!! At Open Book Project we offer a range of services including parent and family education, one on one support via email or phone for those tricky issues where you need a qualified ear, mentoring and training for other sexuality professionals, as well as loads of free and cheap resources.  Taking hats off and exploring with others how their hats shape their reality provides a framework for an exploration of self, sexuality, radical intimacy, and what it truly means to be authentic. What messy hats do you wear? ---- Don't forget to head over to Facebook and follow Open Book Project www.facebook.com/OpenBookProjectAus If you are a teacher or healthcare professional why not Deep Dive with me into your own sexual attitudes and values and emerge with greater self-acceptance. Apply to attend the sexual attitudes reassessment (online this July) https://www.openbookproject.com.au/deepdivevirtual
17:52
April 30, 2020
Sexuality Education, Gender, and Social Change
With the current COVID-19 situation there is an increasing concern about rising rates of Domestic and Family Violence and child abuse.  At the heart of each of these issues, health crisis or not lies a dangerous misunderstanding of gender that is woven through our cultural stories. Sexuality education has the ability to change the ending. By starting early with discussions about diversity followed by conversations at every age around safety, pleasure, and respect, Sexuality Education is social justice. With so many families now at home and taking on new education responsibilities, this seems like the perfect time to put Sexuality Education on the curriculum. In this episode, I explore how we get started with teaching kids about identity and diversity before following that impact those early conversations can have through the tween and teen years. What starts as a conversation about who can wear pink can have a huge impact on supporting them as adults to have deeply intimate and healthy sexual experiences.  As parents and carers, it can be hard to untangle your own messy feelings around sexuality. Realising that just by having a conversation that has nothing to do with sexuality but teaches your values for a respectful world is a place to start.  If you are wanting to learn more about the barriers most parents/carers face when it comes to talking about sex, what topics we can talk about every day, and practical strategies and ideas to get started sooner rather then later, sign up for the Free Webinar 7th April @ 8pm (AEST) www.goldcoastsexology.com.au/freewebinar Taking hats off and exploring with others how their hats shape their reality provides a framework for an exploration of self, sexuality, radical intimacy, and what it truly means to be authentic. What messy hats do you wear? ---- If you are a teacher or healthcare professional why not Deep Dive with me into your own sexual attitudes and values and emerge with greater self-acceptance. Apply to attend the sexual attitudes reassessment (online this July) https://www.openbookproject.com.au/deepdivevirtual
24:41
April 2, 2020
Communicating in the language of hope
In this episode, I throw my citizen hat on the pile to talk about COVID-19, anxiety, and the language of hope.  Simple shifts in our words and actions can have a huge impact, and now so more than any other time. It might feel like the sky is falling but when you get clear about what you value and the world you want to see at the end of this anxiety becomes hope.  Throughout this episode I ask you the listener, a series of questions to get you thinking about how you can bring shifts in the way you approach and communicate about human rights.  So grab a pen and paper and start exploring or if you are wanting to download the Language of Hope workbook to have all the questions from this episode in one place visit https://www.goldcoastsexology.com.au/podcast I'd love you to jump on Facebook and share your answers with our GCSx community www.facebook.com/goldcoastsxology  Taking hats off and exploring with others how their hats shape their reality provides a framework for an exploration of self, sexuality, radical intimacy, and what it truly means to be authentic. What messy hats do you wear? ---- The resource I spoke about in this episode Messaging this Moment: A handbook for progressive communicators https://communitychange.org/wp-content/uploads/2017/08/C3-Messaging-This-Moment-Handbook.pdf If you are a teacher or healthcare professional why not Deep Dive with me into your own sexual attitudes and values and emerge with greater self-acceptance. Apply to attend the sexual attitudes reassessment in your state www.DeepDiveSAR.com.au If you are a parent or caregiver wanting to learn more about talking to kids about sexuality, consent, and social justice sign up for the free webinar https://www.goldcoastsexology.com.au/freewebinar
19:16
March 19, 2020
Each for Equal (IWD)- Is it everywhere?
In this special episode, I am joined by Sexual Violence Specialist Kellie Wilk to discuss this year's International Women's Day theme- Each for equal.  Kellie's work in gender-based violence spans several decades and her practice wisdom reflects experience both at the coal face and behind the scenes. As we take pause this week to reflect on the achievements of women we felt it was important to reflect on the cultural context of these achievements and the battles still raging for many women.  Does a successful career represent equality when the expectations of performance are still so very different? Mental load and emotional labour aside, we dig deep into the sexual double standards and the impact inequitable power dynamics have from the boardroom to the bedroom.  My key take-homes from this chat were that we can all make a difference through our words and actions and that equitable and deep understandings of consent underpin progress.  I also left this chat with a renewed energy for my work in this space and as I continue to grow as a person and practitioner.  By ensuring individual actions, attitudes, and beliefs are equitable I can promote access for others, positively impact everyone especially those who are disproportionately disadvantaged, and work with those around me so that we can collectively influence systems.  Perhaps sorting the messy hats is another key to the puzzle of improving social justice! (Note: This was an inclusive discussion that spoke about all women.  The talk about the orgasm gap and gender-based violence did skew towards heterosexual relationships and the power dynamics of the gender binary. At GCSx we acknowledge relationship diversity and the fact that domestic and family violence occurs in lots of different relationships. We also recognise that trans women, in particular, are disproportionately impacted by gender-based violence). ---- Taking hats off and exploring with others how their hats shape their reality provides a framework for an exploration of self, sexuality, radical intimacy, and what it truly means to be authentic.  What messy hats do you wear? ---- If you are a teacher of healthcare professional why not Deep Dive with me (and Torns) into your own sexual attitudes and values and emerge with greater self-acceptance. Apply to attend the sexual attitudes reassessment in your state www.DeepDiveSAR.com.au If you are a parent or caregiver wanting to learn more about talking to kids about sexuality, consent, and social justice sign up for the free webinar https://www.goldcoastsexology.com.au/freewebinar
22:27
March 5, 2020
Look within before you look out
In this episode, I am joined by Inclusion Specialist Tamra Murray as they share with me insights into a journey from rock bottom to insight and acceptance.  Tamra uses her empathy to teach us about the importance of laying it bare in a difficult journey of greater acceptance. Her take on the use of labels, trauma approaches, and implicit bias is inspiring. The compassion she shows towards students, colleagues, and others to build community stood as an important reminder of the work many of us are here to do.   We also delve deep into the challenge of self-acceptance at its role in our ability to accept others. For many of us, this is the first challenge we face in creating the justice we want to see.  My key take-homes from this chat were the importance of compassion and community in my life and my work.  Along the way, I learn more about my own vulnerability and its role in holding space for others. (It was too nice a day to record this inside so we headed out to the garden.  Be prepared to enjoy the magical outdoor sounds of birds and breezes in this episode) Taking hats off and exploring with others how their hats shape their reality provides a framework for an exploration of self, sexuality, radical intimacy, and what it truly means to be authentic. What messy hats do you wear? ---- Are you a teacher or healthcare professional interested in exploring how your sexuality influences who you are? Download the free 'Practitioner Reflection Activity' today https://www.goldcoastsexology.com.au/sex-wise-practitioners If you are a teacher of healthcare professional why not Deep Dive with me (and Torns) into your own sexual attitudes and values and emerge with greater self-acceptance. Apply to attend the sexual attitudes reassessment in your state www.DeepDiveSAR.com.au
28:53
February 19, 2020
Hat makeover 101: Rumination and the quiet brain
Is the language of your thoughts stitching you up and denying you pleasure? From perfection to failure and everything in between, the inner critic can be a sabotaging factor for so many of us. What would it be like if we could silence it and be present with our bodies? Social media has been in a frenzy lately with discussions of the internal monologue, the inner talk that narrates and processes our thoughts. Except it turns out that not everyone has one!  I wanted to explore this topic more with my best friend Lisa Torney (she/her), a Sex and Relationships Therapist. For Torns a hat is just an accessory and with no internal monologue, her quiet brain brings calmness and consistency of self. Together we took a deep dive into the roles of rumination and reflection in personal growth. Along the way connecting pleasure with our ability to externalise the monologue to others in respectful ways.  I walked away with a new appreciation of friendship and gratitude for my own internal monologue, seeing it as more than just the inner critic but a valuable tool in my ability to unpack and know myself on a deeper level. Taking hats off and exploring with others how their hats shape their reality provides a framework for an exploration of self, sexuality, radical intimacy, and what it truly means to be authentic. What messy hats do you wear? ---- Are you a practitioner interested in exploring how your sexuality influences who you are? Download the free 'Practitioner Reflection Activity' today https://www.goldcoastsexology.com.au/sex-wise-practitioners To Deep Dive with me (and Torns) into your own sexual attitudes and values, apply to attend the sexual attitudes reassessment in your state www.DeepDiveSAR.com.au If you're in Melbourne and looking for an accredited psychosexual therapist www.lisatorney.com.au
31:38
February 5, 2020
Intro: Talking to who?
What do you do when your worlds collide, and you realise you may not know yourself at all? Do the thing that scares you most of course -get vulnerable! This podcast came about as I floated in the pool. I had been wrangling with why I felt so stuck in my life and pondering the concept of context collapse; the idea that we act out a different version of ourselves for different audiences and when these audiences are no longer separate, the right version of us is seen by the wrong audience. I had been navigating different spaces and roles that required quite different aspects of my personality for a while. However, it wasn't until a series of conversations that I began to realise the contexts had collapsed and I didn't truly know which one was me- or which one I wanted to be! Are you different things to different people? Who are you to yourself? Who are we when we’re at our most vulnerable? We all wear so many hats but can we be everything to everyone and still be our authentic selves. Messy Hats is a self-indulgent conversational podcast that looks at the Schrodinger's cat of authenticity- who are we when no one observes us and what does that mean for the authentic self we show outside the box. Taking hats off and exploring with others how their hats shape their reality provides a framework for an exploration of self, sexuality, radical intimacy, and what it truly means to be authentic. What messy hats do you wear? ---- Are you a practitioner interested in exploring how your sexuality influences who you are? Download the free 'Practitioner Reflection Activity' today https://www.goldcoastsexology.com.au/sex-wise-practitioners
13:34
February 3, 2020