By Christopher Meyer
Everyone negotiates. You may think that it’s the realm of the salesperson, or the business executive, or lawyer, but every single person encounters a number of negotiations on a daily basis. Every human interaction has the possibility of some gain if we are willing to look for it. The key to finding success in your interactions is changing your mindset. Because it’s not about winning or losing—it’s about getting what you really want.
New episodes every Tuesday.
New episodes every Tuesday.
Get right with your interactions!
September 7, 2021
Consistent Ethical Behavior
Learn to apply a consistent behavior in your negotiations.
August 31, 2021
Take time for renewal in your interactions.
August 24, 2021
Tales of Organizational Trust
Building trust is essential for doing business (and maintaining relationships) in a connected world. This podcast episode brings some research to bear on real stories of trusting, and not trusting organizations.
July 27, 2021
Gender Impacts Your Ask!
Some incredibly interesting research calls into question the drivers behind gender differences in negotiated outcomes. This episode is meant to spur some questions, as well as push for some critical thought about how our genders approach negotiation.
July 20, 2021
The Costs and Benefits of Transparency
New research shows that providing more information can impact the long-term benefits in a negotiation much more than previously thought. Providing a negotiating partner with information that can provide them with more profit, at your own expense, can impact trust and long-term relationships in a way that can dramatically impact your negotiation. This research even looks at the impact of providing the other negotiator with your reservation price, a previously unthinkable strategy.
July 13, 2021
Recent research has found that negotiators approach their interactions differently depending on the number of parties to the negotiation. Specifically, the negotiators change their strategy when faced with a multiparty negotiation, rather than a dyadic negotiation. In this episode I break down the research and give you some practical applications.
July 6, 2021
Learn to manage the impact of incidental emotions on your negotiation.
June 29, 2021
Science over Stories
Continuing the series exploring research, this episode examines the value of research over anecdotal learning. I talk about some pertinent research on offers, trust, and lying in negotiation.
June 22, 2021
Winners, Losers, and Sharing Information
Continuing the summer look into current research in negotiation, this episode explains some research on fairness perceptions in online negotiation. After the last episode covered the efficacy of face to face negotiation, this episode tackles the inevitable online negotiation.
June 15, 2021
Face to Face Negotiation is Better!
All through the summer I am going to break down some relevant research to help you negotiate better. In this episode I look at current research from the Journal of Neuroscience that supports the idea that face to face negotiation is superior to negotiation over Zoom or other technology.
June 8, 2021
After a difficult year, many of us have had a time to reflect on our values and beliefs. Alignment of values and behavior is something that takes a great deal of deliberate work. Your relationships and interactions deserve that alignment. This episode reflects on some important considerations for proper alignment of values, beliefs, and behavior.
June 1, 2021
We live in a global economy, but that doesn't mean we can ignore cultural differences. But we need to acknowledge that culture is more than national or ethnic culture. Understanding culture at a deeper level takes more effort. Additionally, we need to understand the individual representing the culture with whom we are doing business. If you understand the culture, you can use it as a starting point to understand the individual.
May 25, 2021
Rules and Relationships
Outside of the context of relationships, rules don't carry a lot of meaning. Learn to build the relationships in your (business) life so that the rules of negotiation can carry you to greater gains for everyone involved.
May 18, 2021
Every now and then you need to take stock of your interactions and strategically reset them.
May 11, 2021
...and Start Focusing on Gains!
Winning isn't relevant to negotiation, but gaining is. Shift your focus and change your interactions (and your life).
May 4, 2021
Stop Trying to Win...
Winning isn't relevant to negotiation.
April 27, 2021
Falcon, Storm, or Song?
We all make a choice about our identity, every day. Sometimes the identity we believe we have is incongruous with the identity others have for us. This podcast will challenge you to take control of your identity, to understand that others may see you differently, and to be ok with that.
April 20, 2021
Mental Health Revisited
In this episode I revisit a subject that I addressed at the beginning of the pandemic, mental health. The pandemic has caused a lack of connection with others and this is impacting our mental health. In this episode I get a little preachy in my discussion of our collective and individual mental health.
April 13, 2021
Ethics and Strategic Negotiation Conclusion
We all make decisions based on set a set of conscious or unconscious parameters that we set for ourselves. This episode will help you understand your decision making process and will give you some clarity about those decisions moving forward. Additionally, this episode wraps up the series on strategic negotiation.
April 6, 2021
Outcome: No Score Board
When negotiators talk about a score or winners and losers it’s an attempt to put language and understanding on an outcome that is often difficult to define. We try to use comparisons, but others in the negotiation don’t share our interests, nor do they measure the outcomes against the interest in the same way. In our culture that relies on scores and gamification to understand interactions, learn to set your self free from those restrictions in your negotiation.
March 30, 2021
Don't let the outcome take care of itself. Be strategic in the way you approach outcomes in your negotiation. Be aware of things that stand in the way of creative outcomes, and be courageous in working toward those outcomes.
March 23, 2021
Interaction: Managing Trust and Suspicion
Business and life depend on trust. In today's online, connected world building trust is a more difficult proposition. It takes deliberate, consistent actions to build trust, but just a small problem to cause suspicion. This episode will help you develop a strategic approach to building trust and managing suspicion.
March 16, 2021
Relationships are important to achieving more in society.With- out a relationship, there is no possibility for interdependence in the negotiation. If we remove the relationship and the interdependence, we are in a zero-sum, or win-lose, negotiation. This doesn’t mean there is no opportunity to negotiate, but it does mean that there is no opportunity to maximize the gain. How we value our relationships is important to the process. Each relationship grows our reputation, and the reputation we carry is important for the process and the outcome we can achieve. This episode focuses on managing our relationships to positively impact our negotiations.
March 9, 2021
Process: Using Power and Influence
Power - those who don’t have it, want it. Those who do have it, want more. Power, when used to impact, change, or threaten, is almost universally negative. Power, when used correctly, can be very useful in guiding, educating, and increasing outcomes. This episode explores some different ideas for the use of power in negotiation.
March 2, 2021
Process: Finding Interdependence
We negotiate to achieve gains greater than we could alone. Each of us has resourcesfrom which we pull to achieve the outcomes in life that are important to us. However, if we want to maximize our gains, we need to also draw from the resources controlled by others. This exchange of resources is facilitated by working with others. We say “working with others” because the reality of interdependence is giving up control in the interaction. We need to be willing to relinquish control to others in order to achieve the gains that are possible. Interdependence means that neither party has dominance over the other. Those who enter the negotiation willing to share appropriate information, create value, and build the relationship are in a much more powerful position than those who are reticent to share information, don’t create value, and disregard the relationship.
February 23, 2021
Motive: It's Not Altruism
While there’s nothing inherently wrong with being selfless, there is also the reality in life that we’re trying to achieve some outcome. Additionally, those with whom we negotiate are also trying to achieve an outcome. The competitive view of negotiation puts these outcomes at odds, producing a winner and a loser in the negotiation. So, how can negotiators balance getting their own outcome and benefitting the others in the negotiation, without it becoming an altruistic endeavor? This episode examines the thought process behind competitive versus collaborative negotiation and how to maximize gain, while benefitting others.
February 16, 2021
Motive: Collaboration not Competition
Collaboration is a motive in your actions, not a behavior. Most people would express a desire to be collaborative, but when faced with the reality of a negoti- ation situation research shows that they drop into a competitive mindset within five minutes of the start of the negotiation—regardless of the mindset they have entering the negotiation. Collaborative negotiation is the path to higher joint gains. Most people negotiate competitively to be sure that no one takes advantage of them. Why do negotiators think they are at risk of being exploited? It’s because they don’t have a clear idea of their interests, they are too focused on the positions in the negotiation, and they know they will have to give on the positions to achieve an outcome. Collaboration is the process of working with others to find the ways to increase outcomes for all involved.
February 9, 2021
There is a link between your cognition and your behavior – that is, what you think impacts what you do. If you think that you can control or impact your outcomes in the organization with the work that you do, that will impact your behavior. If you enter every negotiation with the desire to win, it can impact your behavior in ways that may not be evident. This episode examines the typical win motive and points to a better way.
February 2, 2021
Preparation: Offers and Concessions
This episode examines the offers and concessions that we prepare before the negotiation and how to strategically use those. This includes answering the question about making first offers, strategically using your reasons for negotiating to open up creative outcomes, and using those reasons appropriately to achieve the best outcome.
January 25, 2021
In the continued series on Strategic Negotiation, this episode examines some of the causes of ambiguity in our negotiations. Much of the ambiguity stems from differences in the information that the participants have, as well as differences in the interpretation of that information. I walk through some of the common causes of these differences and lay out some plans to address information ambiguity in a positive way.
January 19, 2021
The first episode in a series on Strategic Negotiation examines the preparation of interests for your interaction. Most people prepare for negotiation, but without a clear focus on the interests, the reasons why for negotiating and the outcomes. This episode is focused on developing a strategic approach to those interests and shifting your focus from what you want, to why you want it.
January 12, 2021
Everyone was taken by surprise when the pandemic forced us into a new way of doing business. Some adapted really well, some adapted really poorly. The difference between having a plan and having a strategy could make or break you in your interactions. Since we all negotiate, we all need a strategy. A plan can help you as long as things don't deviate from the plan. A strategy can save you when things don't go as planned. In this new season, I am going to spend the first 15 episodes on developing a strategy covering the topics of Preparation, Motivation, Process, Interaction, and Outcome. At the end of this series you will be able to develop a comprehensive strategy for maximizing your negotiation interactions.
January 5, 2021
What Story are You Telling?
Everyone tells a story in their interactions. Knowing that and managing it are two different things. This episode (the last episode of 2020) addresses managing your story in a genuine way. We don't want to be fake, but we do want to manage our impressions, our professionalism, and our reputation. Have a plan and manage your story to impact your interactions and your outcomes.
December 15, 2020
In order to level up your negotiation skills you need to be strategic. This episode will give you some focus in strategic preparation, strategic communication, and strategic process.
December 8, 2020
Not every negotiator enters an interaction with the motive to achieve an outcome. Some negotiators are interacting to get information without agreement, some to stall an agreement, and some negotiators are actively trying to sabotage an agreement. This episode examines these insincere motives in light of some recent research on the topic and provides guidance on dealing with (and using) insincere tactics.
December 1, 2020
There is always something to be thankful for, if you look at the big picture.
November 24, 2020
Beyond Positional Bargaining
Positional bargaining is a typical way to negotiate. However, there are better ways to achieve your outcomes. In this episode I walk through three ways to move you beyond positional bargaining and into more productive negotiations.
November 17, 2020
Leveraging Emotional Intelligence
Some say to remove all emotion from your negotiations, but that emotion is important. This episode focuses on using that emotion in a way that will allow for more productive negotiations. If you understand the emotional content you can impact the creativity and innovation, you can improve your relationships, and you can better understand the process.
November 10, 2020
Special Election Day episode. Learn to disagree well.
November 3, 2020
We often move through negotiations at a breakneck speed. In this episode, I spend some time breaking down some of the reasons for our rushing, as well as providing some prescriptive advice to address our timing. This will give you some opportunity to evaluate your negotiation timing and slow down!
October 27, 2020
Making the Most of Politics
Political behavior exists across a wide spectrum of organizations. From small local organizations to the national stage, politics can be very divisive. In this episode I give you four methods to diffuse political activity in your organizations and move toward positive relationships and positive outcomes.
October 20, 2020
What you say...
What you say and how you say it can have a profound effect on the interactions you have and the outcomes from those interactions. Are you deliberate about how you present information? Do you think about whether you are presenting the opportunity as a gain, or as a loss? Do you know the impact of each of these frames? This episode takes a deeper look at the impact of framing in our interactions. Based on Nobel Prize winning research and ideas from research in the area of persuasion, I will help you frame your discussions for maximum impact.
October 13, 2020
Don't settle for less, settle for more. Fight to get gains in your negotiation. This podcast will give you three strategies to develop as you grow into a fierce collaborator.
October 6, 2020
Sometimes we get stuck in a cycle of small offers and small concessions as a defensive response to other negotiators. In this episode I make the case for getting beyond that haggling view of negotiation and rather looking for ways to accept the offers of others and provide them with extravagant outcomes. It's only possible if we stop thinking defensively, and start thinking big.
September 29, 2020
What is Fair?
Most of the time when a negotiator proclaims something to be unfair, they are complaining that they didn't get what they wanted. Typically, that's due to fear or ignorance (generally not being knowledgeable about the possible outcomes or ways to maximize value). This episode gives you some ideas about avoiding this behavior and controlling the perception of unfairness for others with whom you interact.
September 22, 2020
Looking Good or Doing Good
We live in a society that prioritizes goals that are superficial, shallow, and poorly focused. This causes us to pursue behavior that doesn't fit with the the organizational, and sometimes the personal, goals. We need to measure differently. We need to measure better. This episode shines the light on some of those missed opportunities and points the direction forward for both individuals and organizations.
September 15, 2020
The Trust Episode
This episode will help you understand where trust comes from in our interactions. Since trust is such an important aspect of negotiations, and most every interaction, I will also look at how trust is built and how trust is maintained. I also talk about the impact of trust in our decision-making process.
September 8, 2020
Everyone wants to gain in their interactions. Communicating that to the others involved is an important step in building trust, developing relationships, and maximizing gains. This episode will address these ideas and build some support for transparency in our interactions.
September 1, 2020
Strong vs Weak
Do you want to be a strong negotiator? Do you know what that means? I explain three characteristics of weak negotiators and contrast that with three characteristics of strong negotiators. It may not mean what you think it means to be a strong negotiator.
August 25, 2020
Our interactions can always be better. Lately I've noticed that many of our interactions are strained because of anxiety and isolation. This podcasts examines the interactions and suggests four steps to address that strain for the better. Bonus material, I'll teach you how to navigate a four-way stop.
August 18, 2020
Everyone prepares for a negotiation. But the way you prepare can have a big impact on the process and the outcomes. In this episode, I describe a preparation method that addresses, the Why (Interests and Gains) for your negotiation, the What (the information, both known and unknown), and the How (value creation through interdependence). Consistently applying this method for preparation will have a positive impact on your negotiations.
August 11, 2020
Virtual Negotiation Revisited
This episode looks back at some things we have learned in the five months of working from home. I focus on on some the positives and negatives of virtual human interaction with some suggestions for successfully managing your virtual negotiations. The original episode that addresses virtual negotiation was published on March 12, 2020 (if you want to go back and listen - you do. Go back... Listen.).
August 4, 2020
There is a win-lose dichotomy in society and business. Either you are a winner, or you are a loser. Much of the time your previous training in negotiation, whether that is formal training or experiential training, focuses on the position that you are trying to achieve. The position is the actualization of the real reason that you are negotiating. It is one way, based on your biases, to achieve the desired end state. The struggle comes from not understanding that there is something beneath and behind the position called the interest. This episode brings together some of the ideas from the past five episodes to present a holistic strategy to understand and articulate your interest, and achieve more from your interactions.
July 28, 2020
Concede to Gain
One of the most overlooked aspects of our negotiations, but also one of the most powerful aspects, are concessions. Understanding and using concessions to move the negotiation toward better outcomes is an advanced skill. In this episode I talk about some strategies to use concessions to add value to your outcome.
July 21, 2020
Settle for More
Making two changes in the way you approach your negotiation can have a big impact. Control your motivation going in and the emotional content during the interaction and you can dramatically impact trust, your relationship, and your outcomes. This episode talks about some strategy to help you manage these two important aspects of your negotiation.
July 14, 2020
Munificence Mindset (Believing in Value)
Whether you approach your negotiation with a munificence or a scarcity mindset makes a big difference in the creativity of the outcome, the positions you take, the information you share, and your outcome. This episode will help you understand your mindset, and the consequences it carries.
July 7, 2020
Once you have your goals identified, the negotiation doesn't get easier. You need to understand the goals of the other parties and work to satisfy those goals if you really want to be a great negotiator. In this episode I compare some of the older theories about negotiation to current understanding, to give you an advantage as a deal maker.
June 30, 2020
The Right Goals
The right goals in your negotiation can impact the outcome for all involved. You need to understand the importance of empathy and perspective taking in your negotiation to maximize your outcomes. This episode focuses on the importance of that understanding for leveraging your interdependence to gain.
June 23, 2020
Dismantling White Privilege
I get a benefit from my skin color and heritage from this world. This has to stop. Our interactions would be better in all instances if people received the same treatment, rather than the systemic injustice pervasive in the world today. These are some ideas about how to address the problem.
June 16, 2020
Every decision that we make is filtered through our tolerance for risk. Some have a high tolerance for risk, while others are risk averse. This comes from our personality, but also a lot is dependent on our upbringing and whether we have faced risk in the past. Some of us were raised in an environment that supported and even celebrated risk taking, while others were rewarded for making the safe choice. One thing is certain, the payoff for the activity comes in to play when we are deciding whether or not to take a risk. Issues that are representative of closely held values make it easier to take risks.
June 9, 2020
Justice is an imperative in today's world. It goes deeper than just what someone gets in comparison with what they deserve. I talk about the connection between perceptions of justice and treatment that is consistent with dignity and respect. We won't move forward as a community/organization until human dignity and respect is an important value for us.
June 2, 2020
Introversion, Extroversion, & Zoom Fatigue
As organizations make critical decisions about work-from-home standards for the future, individuals are in the difficult position of diminishing interactions and relationships. This lack of interaction may seem like a blessing for introverts and a difficulty for extroverts, but that isn't accurate. There is good and bad in work-from-home, but we need to manage relationship building if we don't want the bad to outweigh the good.
May 26, 2020
All or Nothing
Get beyond the common problem of all or nothing thinking in your day-to-day interactions. Implement some contingent thinking to expand your possibilities and to push into creative solutions to the problems facing the world today.
May 19, 2020
This is part 2 of my discussion with Wesley Walker, Licensed Professional Counselor and Psychotherapist. In this episode our discussion focuses on the ongoing impact of COVID19 on mental health. We talk about impacts for individuals, as well as organizations.
May 12, 2020
Return from Loss
In this episode I'm joined by Wesley Walker, Licensed Professional Counselor and Psychotherapist, to discuss some pressing issues facing employers and employees as the economy slowly returns to work. We talk about how quickly we should get back to our organizations and our communities, how to balance economic and health issues, and the best ways to cope with a return to work.
May 5, 2020
Burn the Ships
As we prepare to leave our shelter in place, don't just go back to the old way of doing business. Burn the ships, remove your easy retreat and the issues that aren't important. Move forward with a purpose!
April 28, 2020
Negotiations are stress-filled at the moment, but stress is always with us. Today's stress is different, but there are some methods that can be applied to manage stress in negotiations regardless of the source of the stress. In this episode, I give you five steps to address the stress in your interactions and get to better outcomes.
April 21, 2020
None of us has negotiated post-pandemic. However, we do have research about how the way you approach the negotiation impacts your interaction. In this episode I apply research on Loss Framing and Gain Framing in negotiation to our interactions when shelter-in-place rules are lifted. Hopefully this will help you produce better outcomes when the economy starts moving again.
April 14, 2020
Negotiating from a place of survival is necessary at times, but there are costs. Rather than focusing on survival, and the anxiety or negative emotions that come with it, focus on your interests. By focusing on the interest in the negotiation and setting goals that support that interest, negotiators can maintain cognitive flexibility and employ better critical thinking and creative problem solving to achieve better outcomes.
April 7, 2020
Managing Moral Dilemmas
We are often faced with a decision between different paths that are equally valid. Oftentimes in negotiation, these decisions are choices between people and profits. How do we make decisions so that we don't harm our reputation or harm other parties to the negotiation, while maintaining our ethics and achieving our outcome? In this episode, I will give you a framework for thinking about these decisions and some guidance on principles to make the best decision.
March 31, 2020
More than the Upper Hand
Negotiations are complex interactions. One question that I get asked often is how to gain the upper hand in negotiation, either to take advantage of the complexity, or reduce it. This is sometimes about power, or resources, or information - but it's always about leveraging that against others in the negotiation to get what you want. This episode examines that in light of the research on power and entitlement.
March 24, 2020
Don't Deal in Fear
Right now is an opportunity to positively impact your reputation in your social and business community. It just takes some faith and some understanding of the psychology behind decision-making. Don't make panic decisions. Understand what's behind your decisions and benefit everyone in your circle.
March 18, 2020
Do Better Than Happiness
Negotiations are tough enough to do well, without even thinking about measuring outcomes. Many times we spend a lot of effort getting the preparation right, just to get to the outcome and wonder if it was good enough. This leaves us with the less than reliable measure of happiness with the outcome. This episode is focused on developing measures that are reliable, objective, and reproducible.
March 17, 2020
Negotiating from a distance requires some specific strategies to do well. In this short episode I talk about some ways to harness media richness and synchronous interaction to improve your virtual negotiations.
March 12, 2020
Win-Win has long been the rhetoric used to describe successful negotiation that take multiple parties' outcomes into consideration. Win-Win has shortcomings that become evident in long-term negotiations. In this episode I'll give you some evidence for a better, more successful negotiation strategy. This strategy, Joint-Gain Negotiation, takes Win-Win and builds on it to provide better outcomes, better relationships, and better reputations. Joint-Gain negotiation will allow you to achieve your goals and keep your integrity intact.
March 10, 2020
Make Better Offers
Can you make better offers in negotiation? What makes some offers better than others? In this episode we focus on the timing, the content, and the focus of offers in negotiation. I also talk about ways to constructively control the narrative in your negotiations.
March 3, 2020
Applying (Christian) Ethics to Negotiation
Can you afford to apply (Christian) ethics to your negotiations in today's competitive business world? Can you afford not to...? In this episode I give you some food for thought about how to apply your ethics and morality to your everyday interactions. The content is applicable regardless of your religious stance.
February 25, 2020
The Power of Relationships
In every interaction we have a choice about perspective-taking and empathy with the others involved. There are clear benefits to trying to understand what's important to others involved in the interaction. One of the most powerful ways to facilitate empathy and perspective-taking in your negotiations is by building and valuing relationships. This episode examines the power of relationships, and some strategies for building those relationships.
February 18, 2020
Lying in negotiation is a pervasive problem. In this episode I address whether you should lie to protect your interests (you should not, for some very good reasons), and how to deal with negotiators that are lying to you.
February 11, 2020
Understanding negotiation at a deeper level can make your process and your outcome more predictable. This episode will help to make your negotiations more predictable and easier to manage.
February 2, 2020
Addressing Distributive and Positional Negotiation
Many of the negotiations that we face are competitive. This episode will help you to address those negotiations in a positive way that will maximize your long-term gains.
February 2, 2020
Change your mind
Negotiation is a complex process and our ideas about our interactions are biased by our previous experiences, our training and our beliefs. This episode introduces a new way to think about negotiation.
February 1, 2020